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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 09 2013 04:02 Recognizable wrote:Man, this dating game becomes so easy when you are happy and confident. In the last half year a lot has happened: 1. A girl offered me to have sex with her( 2. Another girl offered me to have sex with her 3. One night stand 4. 2 month ''relationship'' with a girl 5. I got turned down by a girl I had a crush on And now I just went on a second date with another girl which I was crushing on. We kissed  The shitty thing is that we live 2 hours apart. The other shitty thing is that I double major in Math and Physics so I'm hardcore studying 60+ hours a week and it will be hard to find time 
What's the rush, you're still young.
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How do you study 60 hours a week on top of classes? I'm juggling engineering, music production, a girlfriend, and building a race car. You'll find time, trust me.
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On September 09 2013 05:34 chadissilent wrote:
How do you study 60 hours a week on top of classes? I'm juggling engineering, music production, a girlfriend, and building a race car. You'll find time, trust me.
I assumed classes were included in the studying.
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What does it mean when a girl says she wants things to be simple ( Not directly referring to a relationship or whatever ) but she implied and said she just wants things to be simple
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Now that i don't feel bound by my vow of silence anymore, i can tell the funny date-story i teased with 36 pages back.
So, online dating, chatted with the girl for 3 weeks, things got pretty intense, then first real date. She didn't have much free time, so let her tell me when she would have time. Unfortunately, by that she also told me to find a restaurant, so i wasnt able to take her to something fun. But nevermind, i picked the restaurant and we met there. Restaurant time was good, we both enjoyed it, afterwards we went for a walk and talked till i dropped her off at her car. I had eaten too much and was in full digestion mode, so when it came to kiss, i was a bit worried i might belch in her face, was a bit awkward. Now to the hilarious part.
We had met in neutral territory, as she didn't want to be seen in her city as she is a university teacher and her students are all over the place. We were both about half an hour from our homes. I drove home with mixed feelings, i certainly hadn't made my point at the end the way i wanted and kicked me over it mentally. When i came home, i started watching a movie and tried to get my mind off, hoping for her to contact me when she got home. Then the call came, she sounded as if she were close the panic, she said she was in the middle of nowhere, all roads are closed, her phone is running out of juice and she needs help getting home.
I told her to relax and let me check google maps but she told me after a few seconds, that she found it and everything is okay. Then she called me 3 minutes later, that she didnt find it, and she still needs my help. So i asked if she wants me to navigate her and she said i should drive to her and guide her home. I gave it 0,5 seconds of time and answered that i am on the way, it's 1am but who cares, just 30 minutes to drive there. I find it, be all knighty in shining armory, escort her to her city from where she will find her way. This time my digestion is fine and i get a good night kiss to remember a long time, if her mother wouldn't have been visiting her the whole week and freaking out at her place right now, i would have been able to get more then just that kiss.
I got that later, turned out the relationship was shitty though, so dunno whether that counts as lucky or not. Guess the experience was good, so, win!
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On September 09 2013 07:26 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2013 05:34 chadissilent wrote:
How do you study 60 hours a week on top of classes? I'm juggling engineering, music production, a girlfriend, and building a race car. You'll find time, trust me. I assumed classes were included in the studying.
Yessir
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Guy who lives to me moved out. Find out a cute girl moved in near my age. Hear her coming home drunk with one of her gf's and they play music for an hour before passing (I assume). Write her a welcoming note and leave under her door, implying that I'm glad another young person is in the building that also likes to have fun. Get txt saying that was sweet and she introduces herself. Reply nonchalantly. Get another txt "next time feel free to come over  don't bite"
She wants the D.
But seriously, maybe I'll actually get lucky haha.
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so its been awhile since i lasted visited here. below is an explanation about some shit i was dealing with
On July 31 2013 03:41 VayneAuthority wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 03:36 TFNxOmega wrote:On July 31 2013 00:31 Broetchenholer wrote:On July 31 2013 00:09 VayneAuthority wrote:On July 30 2013 22:29 TFNxOmega wrote:
Wellp, my luck isnt so hot. Me and a friend admitted to each other we had mad feelings for each other, that are more than just physical, after months of getting close. this whole week shes been wanting me to come up and see her and teasing me with shit like "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with". Anyways, i go up and two other friends are there so im like whatever. towards end of the night we are alone and i go in for a kiss and BAM! rejection x.x #friendzoned? was surprised because she tells me she likes me a lot and is all flirty quite often... i really like her but i guess its best if i just said fuck it unless someone wanna throw a brotha some advice on where to go from here uh that's one of the most strangest things I've ever heard. Tell her to see a psychologist. "Uh, i wanted to write the sentence "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with" to john, sry brian". I can't really come up with an explanation what happened there. Was she angry at you, or surprised? we talked today, i called her a flirt and now shes going off on me about how she wouldnt ever act like she liked someone when she doesntt etc etc etc. i think shes pissed :3 yea you're dealing with a grade A insecure psycho unless you are lying about any of this.
after like a week she got over me calling her out on just being a flirt and just saying shit i wanted to hear. i still have feelings for her and been trying to get over her ever since. ive been goin out with other women, taken a few home, working out a lot, focusing more on school and whenever she texts me neither of us tried to keep the convo up if one of us hits the other with a one word reply. Before we dealt with that with some flirty text or something. but since a week or so ago, shes gone back to flirting with me, and talking to each other all day and she was all over me last time we went out. like one side of me is like "yo you are friendzoned and shes just being nice and keeping you around because you are an ego boost" and then the other side of me is like "she did say she doesnt act like she likes someone when she doesnt so maybe theres a chance!" i think the best course of action would be to just ask her straight up if she into me in a romantic way or not. if she gives me a no then finally i know its over and itll be 10x easier to move on and if she gives me a yes then fuck it we are becoming more than friends for damn sure. only thing stopping me from doing so is me not wanting her to think im obsessed or crazy for her or something? all this shit began towards the beginning of summer and im still not over her x.x. been failing trying to find someone else i can hold a conversation with and feel completely comfortable around.
sorry if some stuff dont make sense, im all nervous explaining situation :S
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United States744 Posts
Is there a dating advice thread that I couldn't find? I would like one.. To share a short story:
I understand that I'm young, just a junior in high school, but hell I want a girlfriend as much as anyone else. So I'm actually horrible with girls and I'm too afraid to approach them in public and I always end up either not doing anything about a crush or I fuck it up somehow via text/facebook messaging. So today, at my friend's urging, I made a real effort to talk to this girl, just to get to know her so it would be more comfortable asking her to homecoming, and then hopefully start a relationship from that. So I tried to just start any sort of conversation and I was instantly turned down. She hinted that she was busy with something. Now I am a very pessimistic person, so I take this as she is totally not interested. I feel like this is going to happen no matter who I try it with because I feel like girls are always going to figure out that I'm trying to flirt with them and their first impression is always going to be negative so they are going to avoid my advances and hint that they are uninterested. Help :S you can PM if that is preferred. No use in clogging the thread with this if it is deemed irrelevant or out of place.
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This is the dating advice thread. I'm not sure what you're asking for though with the stuff about PMs
You want a girl to know you're flirting with them, that's the whole point. If they have any interest in you at all they will flirt back, that's why you do it, to gauge reactions with girls and to see if anything is possible.
Only way to get better at it is to keep doing it and just practice, like anything else in life. Nervousness and insecurity will all go away with time. Also don't give up on a girl if she turns you down the first time, at least give it a couple shots and then move on, maybe she was actually busy and couldn't talk?
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@banjoetheredskin
Yup this is the thread that you are looking for. There's some great advice in here, but do read the posts with some discretion. There's a bit of posturing here (BE A MAN) that you don't really need to pay attention to.
As for your current situation, just keep at it. Don't be too pessimistic. Girls say no for a wide range of reasons, and not all of them are your fault. She could really be busy for example. And in any event, the best way to gain confidence etc is to just keep trying. It might not work on this particular girl, but it will be experience that you can use for the next girl you fancy.
=) gd luck.
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On September 10 2013 06:48 Zooper31 wrote:Guy who lives to me moved out. Find out a cute girl moved in near my age. Hear her coming home drunk with one of her gf's and they play music for an hour before passing (I assume). Write her a welcoming note and leave under her door, implying that I'm glad another young person is in the building that also likes to have fun. Get txt saying that was sweet and she introduces herself. Reply nonchalantly. Get another txt "next time feel free to come over don't bite" She wants the D. But seriously, maybe I'll actually get lucky haha.
FUCKIN GET IT.
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On September 10 2013 15:07 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2013 06:48 Zooper31 wrote:Guy who lives to me moved out. Find out a cute girl moved in near my age. Hear her coming home drunk with one of her gf's and they play music for an hour before passing (I assume). Write her a welcoming note and leave under her door, implying that I'm glad another young person is in the building that also likes to have fun. Get txt saying that was sweet and she introduces herself. Reply nonchalantly. Get another txt "next time feel free to come over don't bite" She wants the D. But seriously, maybe I'll actually get lucky haha. FUCKIN GET IT.
Yeah, that's an order to go, private
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I wouldn't date a girl that doesn't know what starcraft is. Preferably diamond+ please...
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Okay I have a question for you guys, how is your success with online dating and what do you use in particular?
I'm in a new city and what I don't have is a cool group of friends who can hook me up with some quality babes. I don't have facebook anymore either which it turns out was a great way to attract opportunities without doing much work.
So I was thinking I'd try okcupid or something like that. I'm super busy so I'd like to have a system in place with the efficiency of the postal service, well, presuming nothing comes a few weeks late.
I've gone on a few dates these past weeks but the women I've gone out with have done absolutely nothing for me, though I am seeing one of them verrryyy casually (We BARELY text outside of "Can I come over?"). At this point I'm looking for more interesting but nonetheless beautiful girls. But then I can't help but think that those types of girls wouldn't need okcupid to begin with... And that that is why I think that having several social circles and a tight group of "cool" friends is the ost efficient and effective way to meet quality girls. But that shit takes a lot of time and investment.
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On September 10 2013 16:05 lannisport wrote:
Okay I have a question for you guys, how is your success with online dating and what do you use in particular?
I'm in a new city and what I don't have is a cool group of friends who can hook me up with some quality babes. I don't have facebook anymore either which it turns out was a great way to attract opportunities without doing much work.
So I was thinking I'd try okcupid or something like that. I'm super busy so I'd like to have a system in place with the efficiency of the postal service, well, as long as nothing is a couple weeks late.
I've gone on a few dates in the past week but the women I've gone out with have done absolutely nothing for me, though I am seeing one of them verrryyy casually (We BARELY text outside of "Can I come over?"). At this point I'm looking for more interesting but nonetheless beautiful girls. But then I can't help but think that those types of girls wouldn't need okcupid to begin with... And that that is why I think that having several social circles and a tight group of "cool" friends is the ost efficient and effective ways to meet quality girls. But that shit takes a lot of time and investment.
You are correct about what the most efficient way is. If you have patience and don't mind going through trial and error you can make online dating work though.
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On September 10 2013 16:05 lannisport wrote:
Okay I have a question for you guys, how is your success with online dating and what do you use in particular?
I'm in a new city and what I don't have is a cool group of friends who can hook me up with some quality babes. I don't have facebook anymore either which it turns out was a great way to attract opportunities without doing much work.
So I was thinking I'd try okcupid or something like that. I'm super busy so I'd like to have a system in place with the efficiency of the postal service, well, presuming nothing comes a few weeks late.
I've gone on a few dates these past weeks but the women I've gone out with have done absolutely nothing for me, though I am seeing one of them verrryyy casually (We BARELY text outside of "Can I come over?"). At this point I'm looking for more interesting but nonetheless beautiful girls. But then I can't help but think that those types of girls wouldn't need okcupid to begin with... And that that is why I think that having several social circles and a tight group of "cool" friends is the ost efficient and effective way to meet quality girls. But that shit takes a lot of time and investment.
My success rate online always was and still is pretty high, but I have never really been into the "mainstream" dating sites. It should be noted however that I know lots of girls that use those kind of things because they get hit on all the time irl. To use a more direct quote: "I don't want to get invited for a couple of drinks over a week or so to find out that the guy is into anal, listens to shitty music or reads shitty books. I'd rather just click those kind of guys away and deal with the ones that seem interesting."
For me personally I have great experiences when it comes to more "kinky" dating sites (whether you're looking for girls who are into bdsm or who are specifically looking for couples, you'll find sites for it) simply because most people who are into those things suck major balls at screening it when trying to date "normally". It's similarly awesome with subcultures no matter whether it's about certain a certain music-/artstyle or whatever. If any kind of thing like that is something you value highly you will probably find a dating site where you can be successful.
For super standard vanilla dating I think it's a lot harder but I also never tried to focus on it.
edit:
I'm in a new city and what I don't have is a cool group of friends who can hook me up with some quality babes.
...or you could like go out and meet people. =P
Tho "I need someone to show me around town" might be the best thing ever on this planet.
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Online dating can be a bitch! Many people (girls and guys alike) are just having fun online and if you really want to meet them they just back off or even worse they agree and then suddenly 2h before the meeting the fall from a ladder, their sister has to be brought to the hospital, a friend suddenly came over, ... and they can't make it. I'm not making those up! It all happened to me already!
So as you can see I try online dating too, and if it works out it is quite nice to great, but sometimes I'm thinking why I even do this crazy shit ...
Anyway, I need a little advice for an "offline problem". A few weeks back I opened up to my dancing partner, that I would like to take our "relationship" to the next level. We even kissed, but she didn't want to commit. She had problems because of the age difference (I'm more than 10y older then her) and was also worried that she would lose her dancing partner if it didn't work out. I tried to persuade her but couldn't do it ... sad but what can I do ... and not the question at hand.
The "problem" is, that this weekend we went to the same salsa party and I saw her dancing a lot with the same guy and they even held hands. So far so bad that she has another man, but I was still quite shocked, because she told me about this guy that always hit on her weeeeeks back (even before my "coming out" to her) and all the time she told the "stories" with a face and words that expressed (or better: I did understand it that way) that she is really annoyed by this guy and his stupid advances. And now it seems they are together ...
At this evening I had only a little time to talk to her and that I was really surprised about all that.
Because I still think she is a great and beautiful woman, I'm a little bit confused and don't know if I should tell her that I'm quite hurt because she got together with a man that I thought is not a "threat" ... and also I'm thinking ... did she already had a crush on him when I reached out to her and she made up "phony" excuses? Do I want to know? Or could this "destroy" the connection we still share? But if I try to play it "cool" and not ask, there will be still something on my chest that will trouble me and this is also not good!
So what do you TLers think? How should I "play" this now?
cheers!
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Trying to have sex with your dancing partner is the worst fucking thing you can do in this life. That's one of those things where not being sexually involved will make you much, much happier long term in most scenarios. Shit is too hard to replace once you found a great one.
About your specific situation, you have no reason to be blame anything on her. She doesn't want a relationship with you. She tried to be nice about it. There is no reason for her to tell you "Well, you're a cool guy but damn I would never get into bed with someone like you" if she genuinely likes you - just "not in that way" - if she assumes she can do it in a nicer form that enables you to keep going as buddies. She apparently likes you as a dancing partner. Maybe even as a person. Everything beyond that was in your head. You have no right to consider any other man in her life a "threat", it's your problem that you feel hurt, not hers. Deal with it.
About your online experiences... welp. If those kind of things happen to you regularly then it might be an issue on your side. Online dating is almost exclusively about creating very strong rapport/comfort. Imo it comes down to trying to friend zone yourself as hard as humanly possible, and be just a nice guy that might be cool to hang out with.
Why that? Because the whole point of online dating is to get a real date. Not more, not less. Once you got past the point that she doesn't consider you some weirdo freak who lives online and only wants to get in her pants anyway (aka got a real date) that's where you can start being sexual and escalate physically.
Trying to build attraction online when it comes to the sexual side of things is an aweful idea, simply because there are so many negatives associated with it. Hell, getting dirty on the phone is a way better idea than trying anything that even remotely goes towards "trying to pick her up" in an online conversation. Even then it's something you need to calibrate very, very carefully or it can backfire no matter how good it went.
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Many dancing couples are also lovers or even married. So having sex with your dancing partner is no big deal; been there done that! Hell, I even was in a real relationship with another dancing partner (yes, I have more than one  ) that didn't work out but we are still dancing together at this present time! We even sleep at each others places if we have long dancing nights. "sleeping" as in "sleep and no sex", but sometimes even in the same bed. All nothing special and when you are open and mature about all this (and it didn't really fucked up royally) there is no problem!
And I "blame" nothing and nobody. But imagine you have a girlfriend - doesn't matter if you are into her or not - that often talks to you about this guy, that is always hitting on her. While she does, she always rolls her eyes, laughs about his crazy "pickup lines" ("you will not believe, what he tried this time ...") and goes really casual about this. And a few weeks later she suddenly is hooked up with him. Would you think that was predictable or would you think "what is going on? I thought you weren't into this guy?"
Maybe I'm crazy but I'm going with the latter! And because the "timing" was a little bit "wrong" and I'm probably emotionally biased I get troubled! And I would like to know and also don't like to know. Does this make sense!?
About the online dating:
Well depends. I'm active (more or less) on dating sites that you could add to your "kinky" statement. And so there is not much about "dating", it's getting to know each other and getting physical! If you are on these websites, you know what it is all about! But some are just fooling around! Don't like this!
I also had (very) positive experiences there and got the "title" of "one of the normal guys here" by some of them. So I wouldn't search for the "problem" on my side exclusively!
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EPT
