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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 22 2013 02:19 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 02:07 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 21 2013 17:18 Ambre wrote:
Here is my question : do you guys think it's okay for a guy to eat lunch + movie (in the afternoon) with a girl who is not his g/f ? What do you personnaly think about this ? of course it is, so long as the dude doesnt have a thing for said girl so in your instance, no This. However, you should find out your gf's position on the matter. Not because she has any right to stop you from making this kind of decision, but because if she were to have problems with this kind of thing, you're setting yourself up for trouble in the long run. You should probably find out if your gf thinks this kind of thing is fine; if she has a problem with it, I'd break up with her. No equal relationship requires one person not to have friends of the opposite sex.
yeah agreed if your gf feels that way about you being friends with women you need to end it yesterday. if you have similar feelings about her with dudes, you need to stop being a dumbass
you hanging out with this girl under those circumstances is pretty bullshit though, and even a totally secure and confident person would call you on that shit
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On July 22 2013 02:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
I have located the source of your problem
but if you want a real answer, post profile copy and some messages or convos you send out
Is that so? I'm curious then throw me a bone so I have an idea.
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Okay, ready yourself for a wall-of-text, but I could really use your help on this one:
Introduction
+ Show Spoiler +So... Basicly I had a girlfriend for 7½ years. So dumped me in november and I haven't really been the same since. Sure, I've got plenty luck with the ladies, but not with the feels. Every time a girl shows up in my life I just acknowledge I wont fall for her and that's about it. Enter this girl - we'll call her Vanessa for the sake of the story.
Vanessa lives with a friend of mine. He knows me fairly well, knows how I work around girls and everything. I start to get curious around her, but knowing my friend I go to him before doing anything. He says - and repeats "Do your thing, just don't make it so awkward between you guys, that you can't visit me or show up at house parties". We meet one night. Nothing much happening. I end up sleeping next to her, but in a really non-romantic way. We start texting, go to a concert with some mutual friends, she keeps inviting me - sometimes I show up - sometimes I have other plans. This night however I did have time...
The night
+ Show Spoiler +So my friend were going to some bar in the evening where we were to meet some friends from the university. Vanessa asks if I'll come by in the afternoon - she had a friend (girl) visiting. They would just watch a few rom-coms and chug some wine. My friend and I might aswell split a bottle or two with the girls aswell as some dinner before hitting the bars so sure, why not?
Thing get strange and suddenly everybody cancels... So I'm not going to the bar anyway. My friend has to get up fairly early for work, so he goes to bed around ~11pm. Vanessas friend gets a bit too drunk and leaves. So I'm alone with Vanessa. Both of us pretty drunk. We flirt a bit, she asks if I want to come to her bed - "sure". We go in there. We talk a bit, but being a drunk guy, I try to make a few moves. She says, she doesn't want things to get awkward so... We shouldn't do anything... Again, I must explain that I'm hammered at this point.
She asks if I feel like spooning since "It's cozy"... So... She backs up against me and starts to do the "tailwiggle". At this point I actually tell her, she needs to stop if she doesn't want anything to happen. She just giggles and wiggles a bit more. So... I start touching her... Things are going great untill suddenly she goes "...ehm... I think we should go to bed before anything happens"... Me being drunk and horny didn't really understand when to stop, so I kept going for a little... untill I suddenly realized... She actually already fell asleep...
The aftermath:
+ Show Spoiler +Next morning I woke up because she was roaming around the room. I get up, get my stuff and leave. I text her "I'm sorry about last night. I got too drunk and that was not cool. Should've understood when you tried to tell me when to stop"... No reply for 5 days... She suddenly texts me "Well, if I'm to forgive you, I need to know what happened... I fell asleep next to you, and woke up with my panties around my knees... What happened?"... Honestly, nothing happened. I tried explaining but suddenly everything just sounded way worse. Haven't heard from her a few days. Now my friend invites me to a party at their appartment this thursday. Should I show up?
TL;DR / bottomline:
+ Show Spoiler +Fingerbanged a girl while we were both awake. She falls asleep. I don't realize in time and actually do it on her while she's sleeping aswell. We're really awkward now - and her roommate (my friend) invites me to a party in her appartment. What do?
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On July 22 2013 03:05 Mentalizor wrote:Okay, ready yourself for a wall-of-text, but I could really use your help on this one: Introduction+ Show Spoiler +So... Basicly I had a girlfriend for 7½ years. So dumped me in november and I haven't really been the same since. Sure, I've got plenty luck with the ladies, but not with the feels. Every time a girl shows up in my life I just acknowledge I wont fall for her and that's about it. Enter this girl - we'll call her Vanessa for the sake of the story.
Vanessa lives with a friend of mine. He knows me fairly well, knows how I work around girls and everything. I start to get curious around her, but knowing my friend I go to him before doing anything. He says - and repeats "Do your thing, just don't make it so awkward between you guys, that you can't visit me or show up at house parties". We meet one night. Nothing much happening. I end up sleeping next to her, but in a really non-romantic way. We start texting, go to a concert with some mutual friends, she keeps inviting me - sometimes I show up - sometimes I have other plans. This night however I did have time... So my friend were going to some bar in the evening where we were to meet some friends from the university. Vanessa asks if I'll come by in the afternoon - she had a friend (girl) visiting. They would just watch a few rom-coms and chug some wine. My friend and I might aswell split a bottle or two with the girls aswell as some dinner before hitting the bars so sure, why not?
Thing get strange and suddenly everybody cancels... So I'm not going to the bar anyway. My friend has to get up fairly early for work, so he goes to bed around ~11pm. Vanessas friend gets a bit too drunk and leaves. So I'm alone with Vanessa. Both of us pretty drunk. We flirt a bit, she asks if I want to come to her bed - "sure". We go in there. We talk a bit, but being a drunk guy, I try to make a few moves. She says, she doesn't want things to get awkward so... We shouldn't do anything... Again, I must explain that I'm hammered at this point.
She asks if I feel like spooning since "It's cozy"... So... She backs up against me and starts to do the "tailwiggle". At this point I actually tell her, she needs to stop if she doesn't want anything to happen. She just giggles and wiggles a bit more. So... I start touching her... Things are going great untill suddenly she goes "...ehm... I think we should go to bed before anything happens"... Me being drunk and horny didn't really understand when to stop, so I kept going for a little... untill I suddenly realized... She actually already fell asleep... : + Show Spoiler +Next morning I woke up because she was roaming around the room. I get up, get my stuff and leave. I text her "I'm sorry about last night. I got too drunk and that was not cool. Should've understood when you tried to tell me when to stop"... No reply for 5 days... She suddenly texts me "Well, if I'm to forgive you, I need to know what happened... I fell asleep next to you, and woke up with my panties around my knees... What happened?"... Honestly, nothing happened. I tried explaining but suddenly everything just sounded way worse. Haven't heard from her a few days. Now my friend invites me to a party at their appartment this thursday. Should I show up? : + Show Spoiler +Fingerbanged a girl while we were both awake. She falls asleep. I don't realize in time and actually do it on her while she's sleeping aswell. We're really awkward now - and her roommate (my friend) invites me to a party in her appartment. What do?
This is a weird situation. Yes, you were drunk, so your judgment was impaired, but, at the end of the day, "no" really does mean "no," even if you're halfway through the act :/. I wouldn't feel too upset about it if I were you, since it's kinda mitigated by your inebriation and the peculiarity of a start-then-stop sexual situation, but you should give her some space. Furthermore, absolutely never ever ever do this again. Not only is it arguably immoral (since your horniness/drunkness unfortunately doesn't supersede her ability to veto your access to her body at any time whatsoever, nor vice versa) but you can actually end up in legal trouble for this kind of thing. No, you won't get arrested or convicted, or anything, but sexual assault accusations are not something you want in your history. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, please make an effort not to put yourself in these kinds of situations again; I know being drunk is hard to predict, but you're still responsible for your actions when drunk.
tl;dr don't feel terribly about it but just learn from the mistake and don't do it again/watch your drinking if it puts you in situations where you don't know how to control yourself.
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On July 22 2013 03:15 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 03:05 Mentalizor wrote:Okay, ready yourself for a wall-of-text, but I could really use your help on this one: Introduction+ Show Spoiler +So... Basicly I had a girlfriend for 7½ years. So dumped me in november and I haven't really been the same since. Sure, I've got plenty luck with the ladies, but not with the feels. Every time a girl shows up in my life I just acknowledge I wont fall for her and that's about it. Enter this girl - we'll call her Vanessa for the sake of the story.
Vanessa lives with a friend of mine. He knows me fairly well, knows how I work around girls and everything. I start to get curious around her, but knowing my friend I go to him before doing anything. He says - and repeats "Do your thing, just don't make it so awkward between you guys, that you can't visit me or show up at house parties". We meet one night. Nothing much happening. I end up sleeping next to her, but in a really non-romantic way. We start texting, go to a concert with some mutual friends, she keeps inviting me - sometimes I show up - sometimes I have other plans. This night however I did have time... So my friend were going to some bar in the evening where we were to meet some friends from the university. Vanessa asks if I'll come by in the afternoon - she had a friend (girl) visiting. They would just watch a few rom-coms and chug some wine. My friend and I might aswell split a bottle or two with the girls aswell as some dinner before hitting the bars so sure, why not?
Thing get strange and suddenly everybody cancels... So I'm not going to the bar anyway. My friend has to get up fairly early for work, so he goes to bed around ~11pm. Vanessas friend gets a bit too drunk and leaves. So I'm alone with Vanessa. Both of us pretty drunk. We flirt a bit, she asks if I want to come to her bed - "sure". We go in there. We talk a bit, but being a drunk guy, I try to make a few moves. She says, she doesn't want things to get awkward so... We shouldn't do anything... Again, I must explain that I'm hammered at this point.
She asks if I feel like spooning since "It's cozy"... So... She backs up against me and starts to do the "tailwiggle". At this point I actually tell her, she needs to stop if she doesn't want anything to happen. She just giggles and wiggles a bit more. So... I start touching her... Things are going great untill suddenly she goes "...ehm... I think we should go to bed before anything happens"... Me being drunk and horny didn't really understand when to stop, so I kept going for a little... untill I suddenly realized... She actually already fell asleep... : + Show Spoiler +Next morning I woke up because she was roaming around the room. I get up, get my stuff and leave. I text her "I'm sorry about last night. I got too drunk and that was not cool. Should've understood when you tried to tell me when to stop"... No reply for 5 days... She suddenly texts me "Well, if I'm to forgive you, I need to know what happened... I fell asleep next to you, and woke up with my panties around my knees... What happened?"... Honestly, nothing happened. I tried explaining but suddenly everything just sounded way worse. Haven't heard from her a few days. Now my friend invites me to a party at their appartment this thursday. Should I show up? : + Show Spoiler +Fingerbanged a girl while we were both awake. She falls asleep. I don't realize in time and actually do it on her while she's sleeping aswell. We're really awkward now - and her roommate (my friend) invites me to a party in her appartment. What do? This is a weird situation. Yes, you were drunk, so your judgment was impaired, but, at the end of the day, "no" really does mean "no," even if you're halfway through the act :/. I wouldn't feel too upset about it if I were you, since it's kinda mitigated by your inebriation and the peculiarity of a start-then-stop sexual situation, but you should give her some space. Furthermore, absolutely never ever ever do this again. Not only is it arguably immoral (since your horniness/drunkness unfortunately doesn't supersede her ability to veto your access to her body at any time whatsoever, nor vice versa) but you can actually end up in legal trouble for this kind of thing. No, you won't get arrested or convicted, or anything, but sexual assault accusations are not something you want in your history. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, please make an effort not to put yourself in these kinds of situations again; I know being drunk is hard to predict, but you're still responsible for your actions when drunk. tl;dr don't feel terribly about it but just learn from the mistake and don't do it again/watch your drinking if it puts you in situations where you don't know how to control yourself.
Well, that's exactly the thing. I am so embarrased about my behaviour - and I was out of control - but even worse not aware enough to notice when she stopped toying with me and when she actually fell asleep (sounds weird, but in the situation it actually wasn't THAT creepy. She was really quiet most of the time).
I've never ever done anything like it - and I've never lost control like that. So... Legally, I'm not that afraid - I'm more puzzled about 3 things:
1: What do I do about my friend now? He lives with her... And chances are... She might have told him
2: What do I do about her? I honestly have an interest in her, I haven't had for another girl in years... But... This seems unsalvagable.
3: Still not sure about this party thursday. It's in a few days and I haven't seen her since the incident. And when we text it really isn't in a good tone at all
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I think it's time to move on, but maybe that's just my personal experience talking.
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On July 22 2013 02:27 kuriz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 02:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
I have located the source of your problem
but if you want a real answer, post profile copy and some messages or convos you send out
Is that so? I'm curious then throw me a bone so I have an idea.
what guy is gonna wanna date someone that they have to explain every joke to???
to the other dude on this page, dont respond to anymore of her texts, and get better at recongizing stupid immature drunk girls who like to play games. next time someone is saying no and doing that shit, just leave the room asap. be the adult
as far as going over, i dont relaly know, but my gut says fuck it i wouldnt lose or alter my friendship with mutual friends because of that
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On July 22 2013 03:48 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 03:15 Shiori wrote:On July 22 2013 03:05 Mentalizor wrote:Okay, ready yourself for a wall-of-text, but I could really use your help on this one: Introduction+ Show Spoiler +So... Basicly I had a girlfriend for 7½ years. So dumped me in november and I haven't really been the same since. Sure, I've got plenty luck with the ladies, but not with the feels. Every time a girl shows up in my life I just acknowledge I wont fall for her and that's about it. Enter this girl - we'll call her Vanessa for the sake of the story.
Vanessa lives with a friend of mine. He knows me fairly well, knows how I work around girls and everything. I start to get curious around her, but knowing my friend I go to him before doing anything. He says - and repeats "Do your thing, just don't make it so awkward between you guys, that you can't visit me or show up at house parties". We meet one night. Nothing much happening. I end up sleeping next to her, but in a really non-romantic way. We start texting, go to a concert with some mutual friends, she keeps inviting me - sometimes I show up - sometimes I have other plans. This night however I did have time... So my friend were going to some bar in the evening where we were to meet some friends from the university. Vanessa asks if I'll come by in the afternoon - she had a friend (girl) visiting. They would just watch a few rom-coms and chug some wine. My friend and I might aswell split a bottle or two with the girls aswell as some dinner before hitting the bars so sure, why not?
Thing get strange and suddenly everybody cancels... So I'm not going to the bar anyway. My friend has to get up fairly early for work, so he goes to bed around ~11pm. Vanessas friend gets a bit too drunk and leaves. So I'm alone with Vanessa. Both of us pretty drunk. We flirt a bit, she asks if I want to come to her bed - "sure". We go in there. We talk a bit, but being a drunk guy, I try to make a few moves. She says, she doesn't want things to get awkward so... We shouldn't do anything... Again, I must explain that I'm hammered at this point.
She asks if I feel like spooning since "It's cozy"... So... She backs up against me and starts to do the "tailwiggle". At this point I actually tell her, she needs to stop if she doesn't want anything to happen. She just giggles and wiggles a bit more. So... I start touching her... Things are going great untill suddenly she goes "...ehm... I think we should go to bed before anything happens"... Me being drunk and horny didn't really understand when to stop, so I kept going for a little... untill I suddenly realized... She actually already fell asleep... : + Show Spoiler +Next morning I woke up because she was roaming around the room. I get up, get my stuff and leave. I text her "I'm sorry about last night. I got too drunk and that was not cool. Should've understood when you tried to tell me when to stop"... No reply for 5 days... She suddenly texts me "Well, if I'm to forgive you, I need to know what happened... I fell asleep next to you, and woke up with my panties around my knees... What happened?"... Honestly, nothing happened. I tried explaining but suddenly everything just sounded way worse. Haven't heard from her a few days. Now my friend invites me to a party at their appartment this thursday. Should I show up? : + Show Spoiler +Fingerbanged a girl while we were both awake. She falls asleep. I don't realize in time and actually do it on her while she's sleeping aswell. We're really awkward now - and her roommate (my friend) invites me to a party in her appartment. What do? This is a weird situation. Yes, you were drunk, so your judgment was impaired, but, at the end of the day, "no" really does mean "no," even if you're halfway through the act :/. I wouldn't feel too upset about it if I were you, since it's kinda mitigated by your inebriation and the peculiarity of a start-then-stop sexual situation, but you should give her some space. Furthermore, absolutely never ever ever do this again. Not only is it arguably immoral (since your horniness/drunkness unfortunately doesn't supersede her ability to veto your access to her body at any time whatsoever, nor vice versa) but you can actually end up in legal trouble for this kind of thing. No, you won't get arrested or convicted, or anything, but sexual assault accusations are not something you want in your history. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, please make an effort not to put yourself in these kinds of situations again; I know being drunk is hard to predict, but you're still responsible for your actions when drunk. tl;dr don't feel terribly about it but just learn from the mistake and don't do it again/watch your drinking if it puts you in situations where you don't know how to control yourself. Well, that's exactly the thing. I am so embarrased about my behaviour - and I was out of control - but even worse not aware enough to notice when she stopped toying with me and when she actually fell asleep (sounds weird, but in the situation it actually wasn't THAT creepy. She was really quiet most of the time). I've never ever done anything like it - and I've never lost control like that. So... Legally, I'm not that afraid - I'm more puzzled about 3 things: 1: What do I do about my friend now? He lives with her... And chances are... She might have told him 2: What do I do about her? I honestly have an interest in her, I haven't had for another girl in years... But... This seems unsalvagable. 3: Still not sure about this party thursday. It's in a few days and I haven't seen her since the incident. And when we text it really isn't in a good tone at all
here is my take on it:
+ Show Spoiler +
1. if your friend knows about it, he will almost certainly mention it. Be honest, tell him you were really drunk and got mixed signals, so you did a stupid thing. Shit happens. Make clear to him that you will fix it at least to the point where it is not awkward anymore, as that is the thing he trusted you to do. If he doesn't mention anything, no need to bring it up yourself.
2. I would seek a clear talk, face to face, no weird texting. Tell her that you were really drunk and got very confusing signals from her, so you did a stupid thing. Again, shit happens. You might want to go all in on this and tell her that you really like her and would love for a second chance, with going on a date and getting to know each other and stuff. If you can't get her to date you now, you most probably never will. If she denies, at least ask her to be cool about that night. Make clear to her that you will not take the initiative again, and that you just want to get along with her.
3. Your best shot to clear the air in my opinion is to talk to her one on one. Either talk to her before the party, or single her out into a quiet corner and talk to her at the start of the party (depending which one you think is easier for you to accomplish). Not going to the party will tell your friend that you screwed up and things got awkward enough that you can't come to his place anymore. Going but staying away from each other will show how awkward it is for you to go to his place, and that you screwed up. I wouldn't really try to text until you talk to her face, as it really makes things more awkward.
as I am not confident in my social skills, I put it into spoiler. Take it with a grain of salt, as an opinion that might be wrong. Good luck!
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On July 21 2013 21:06 kuriz wrote:
With more than 224 pages there are no chance that netdating hasn't been commented or being a topic of discussion in this thread. The case is that I just made an internet dating profile and I am looking to hear some suggestions and/or good ideas on how to approach this media. I am a fairly good looking guy that often get told that I am funny and comfortable being around. My main issue is that I have some pretty serious anxiety to approach girls/women (in my 23 year old life I don't recall ever actually going over to a girl to say hi, one of them have always approached me - this might sound al right, but it surely isn't making me an better at getting to be better approaching girls). And this is the reason for this dating profile. I have currently taken a few good photos of myself, made a humorous yet serious profile text and have been writing to different girls trying to mainly comment on what they say about themselves; I have done this in a (to me) humorous and positive tone yet nobody seem to be really interested.
So this is my question that hopefully some of you will try to give me some advice on: what is some good ways to approach and write these girls that I first see a picture of that makes me interested and then (hopefully) read a profile text from that is even interesting and make up for some conversation? Even though I'm only in Silver league I hope that somebody can give me some advice on this matter, thanks!
+ Show Spoiler +Online dating is a farce. At least if you're a guy. Every girl that you find attractive, whether it's mainly because of her looks or her interests, already has 1000 other guys who are also attracted to her. And since typing out something requires very little risk, you can safely assume that out of those 1000 guys, at least 900 are going to ply their game.
However, how many of these 1000 would walk up to her and talk to her if they accidentally bumped into her in RL? I would guesstimate somewhere around the 100 mark. Talking to girls in person is WAY more effective. Not only does it happen more rarely for girls, it molds you into a more dynamic individual. Your confidence will slowly increase, you will gain knowledge over your strengths, what type of flirting works for you, what type of girl is generally attracted to you. The benefits of face to face interaction is huge.
Now that serious anxiety you feel is completely normal. Every guy goes through it. I didn't have my first gf until I was 23 because talking to girls scared the hell out of me. Here's what happened to me that changed a big part of my life:
A friend brought me to Seven Oaks mall in Abbotsford, BC. He then forced me to cold talk to every girl that I found even a little bit cute. That day was hell. Absolute complete and utter hell. I got turned down a bunch of times. I was awkward, I was sweating a lot, I was lame, I was super self conscious. It was just a terrible, terrible day. And then that night my friend told my other friends about all my lame attempts, and everyone laughed and patted me on the back, and joked around with it. And then the next day, my friend took me back to the same mall again. And even though I still got turned down by every girl I hit on, suddenly it wasn't that big of a deal any more. When I got turned down, I would sort of inwardly grin because I was already imagining the razzing my friends would give me later on. And then slowly, I became more confident and more assured of who I was, and being comfortable with the decisions I made in life, and girls caught on to that, and I started getting numbers.
In other words buddy, just grab a friend and hit up your local mall. Make a sport out of it. Egg each other on. Playfully make fun of each other when you get burned. Share what you learn with each other. Make up tactics. Have contests to see who can get turned down the fastest, or in the most dramatic way. Turn something that seems scary into something that can be really fun. And then eventually it WILL be fun, and not a big deal at all.
Hmmm, I wrote out a response that had to do with your anxiety of approaching girls and not with online dating. Since that wasn't the help you were asking for, I spoilered it. Read it if you want, 'cause I think it contains some wisdom, but yeah that wasn't what you were asking for.
Basically the reason why nobody seems interested if because you're just unlucky. Girls get hundreds if not thousands of messages from a wide variety of guys online. So getting picked is really more random chance then some great connection.
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On July 22 2013 04:11 Cirqueenflex wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 03:48 Mentalizor wrote:On July 22 2013 03:15 Shiori wrote:On July 22 2013 03:05 Mentalizor wrote:Okay, ready yourself for a wall-of-text, but I could really use your help on this one: Introduction+ Show Spoiler +So... Basicly I had a girlfriend for 7½ years. So dumped me in november and I haven't really been the same since. Sure, I've got plenty luck with the ladies, but not with the feels. Every time a girl shows up in my life I just acknowledge I wont fall for her and that's about it. Enter this girl - we'll call her Vanessa for the sake of the story.
Vanessa lives with a friend of mine. He knows me fairly well, knows how I work around girls and everything. I start to get curious around her, but knowing my friend I go to him before doing anything. He says - and repeats "Do your thing, just don't make it so awkward between you guys, that you can't visit me or show up at house parties". We meet one night. Nothing much happening. I end up sleeping next to her, but in a really non-romantic way. We start texting, go to a concert with some mutual friends, she keeps inviting me - sometimes I show up - sometimes I have other plans. This night however I did have time... So my friend were going to some bar in the evening where we were to meet some friends from the university. Vanessa asks if I'll come by in the afternoon - she had a friend (girl) visiting. They would just watch a few rom-coms and chug some wine. My friend and I might aswell split a bottle or two with the girls aswell as some dinner before hitting the bars so sure, why not?
Thing get strange and suddenly everybody cancels... So I'm not going to the bar anyway. My friend has to get up fairly early for work, so he goes to bed around ~11pm. Vanessas friend gets a bit too drunk and leaves. So I'm alone with Vanessa. Both of us pretty drunk. We flirt a bit, she asks if I want to come to her bed - "sure". We go in there. We talk a bit, but being a drunk guy, I try to make a few moves. She says, she doesn't want things to get awkward so... We shouldn't do anything... Again, I must explain that I'm hammered at this point.
She asks if I feel like spooning since "It's cozy"... So... She backs up against me and starts to do the "tailwiggle". At this point I actually tell her, she needs to stop if she doesn't want anything to happen. She just giggles and wiggles a bit more. So... I start touching her... Things are going great untill suddenly she goes "...ehm... I think we should go to bed before anything happens"... Me being drunk and horny didn't really understand when to stop, so I kept going for a little... untill I suddenly realized... She actually already fell asleep... : + Show Spoiler +Next morning I woke up because she was roaming around the room. I get up, get my stuff and leave. I text her "I'm sorry about last night. I got too drunk and that was not cool. Should've understood when you tried to tell me when to stop"... No reply for 5 days... She suddenly texts me "Well, if I'm to forgive you, I need to know what happened... I fell asleep next to you, and woke up with my panties around my knees... What happened?"... Honestly, nothing happened. I tried explaining but suddenly everything just sounded way worse. Haven't heard from her a few days. Now my friend invites me to a party at their appartment this thursday. Should I show up? : + Show Spoiler +Fingerbanged a girl while we were both awake. She falls asleep. I don't realize in time and actually do it on her while she's sleeping aswell. We're really awkward now - and her roommate (my friend) invites me to a party in her appartment. What do? This is a weird situation. Yes, you were drunk, so your judgment was impaired, but, at the end of the day, "no" really does mean "no," even if you're halfway through the act :/. I wouldn't feel too upset about it if I were you, since it's kinda mitigated by your inebriation and the peculiarity of a start-then-stop sexual situation, but you should give her some space. Furthermore, absolutely never ever ever do this again. Not only is it arguably immoral (since your horniness/drunkness unfortunately doesn't supersede her ability to veto your access to her body at any time whatsoever, nor vice versa) but you can actually end up in legal trouble for this kind of thing. No, you won't get arrested or convicted, or anything, but sexual assault accusations are not something you want in your history. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, please make an effort not to put yourself in these kinds of situations again; I know being drunk is hard to predict, but you're still responsible for your actions when drunk. tl;dr don't feel terribly about it but just learn from the mistake and don't do it again/watch your drinking if it puts you in situations where you don't know how to control yourself. Well, that's exactly the thing. I am so embarrased about my behaviour - and I was out of control - but even worse not aware enough to notice when she stopped toying with me and when she actually fell asleep (sounds weird, but in the situation it actually wasn't THAT creepy. She was really quiet most of the time). I've never ever done anything like it - and I've never lost control like that. So... Legally, I'm not that afraid - I'm more puzzled about 3 things: 1: What do I do about my friend now? He lives with her... And chances are... She might have told him 2: What do I do about her? I honestly have an interest in her, I haven't had for another girl in years... But... This seems unsalvagable. 3: Still not sure about this party thursday. It's in a few days and I haven't seen her since the incident. And when we text it really isn't in a good tone at all here is my take on it: + Show Spoiler +
1. if your friend knows about it, he will almost certainly mention it. Be honest, tell him you were really drunk and got mixed signals, so you did a stupid thing. Shit happens. Make clear to him that you will fix it at least to the point where it is not awkward anymore, as that is the thing he trusted you to do. If he doesn't mention anything, no need to bring it up yourself.
2. I would seek a clear talk, face to face, no weird texting. Tell her that you were really drunk and got very confusing signals from her, so you did a stupid thing. Again, shit happens. You might want to go all in on this and tell her that you really like her and would love for a second chance, with going on a date and getting to know each other and stuff. If you can't get her to date you now, you most probably never will. If she denies, at least ask her to be cool about that night. Make clear to her that you will not take the initiative again, and that you just want to get along with her.
3. Your best shot to clear the air in my opinion is to talk to her one on one. Either talk to her before the party, or single her out into a quiet corner and talk to her at the start of the party (depending which one you think is easier for you to accomplish). Not going to the party will tell your friend that you screwed up and things got awkward enough that you can't come to his place anymore. Going but staying away from each other will show how awkward it is for you to go to his place, and that you screwed up. I wouldn't really try to text until you talk to her face, as it really makes things more awkward.
as I am not confident in my social skills, I put it into spoiler. Take it with a grain of salt, as an opinion that might be wrong. Good luck!
1: Either he brings it up... Well, honestly I can tell it from my point of view. He can probably tell what she told him. We can get the story from both sides, talk it through and be cool. He knows I'm a good guy and this isn't how I usually am... Or else, he doesn't bring it up, but somehow has to deal with us (me and Vanessa) being all awkward around each other... or even worse - me and Vanessa not being around each other at all...
2: A straight talk would be good. But... How do I get that without doing a weird move? I can only really get it by texting her about me wanting to talk about it... yeeeeeah, that probably wont end well... Or I can just show up at the party - which I would assume left her with a "why-is-he-here-when-he-knows-we-are-NOT-cool"-attitude... Honestly, we managed to talk just great before. Even when flirting got like a bit more serious, so it wouldn't normally be a problem, but if we go into the conversation with her already being mad and sassy... I don't know, bro...
3: I guess, I have to get in touch with both her and my friend. Her to figure out just how cool/awkward we are... My friend to let him know me and Vanessa probably wont get along at the party so... Does HE still want me there (after all... he was the one inviting me)...
But thanks alot for your time and suggestions... Helps a lot  Also just great to actually get it out there... Haven't spoken with too many about this
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Going on my first real date tonight... dinner/movie.
Not that excited tbh lol
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Going out with a girl after quite some time and I had constant 'failures to launch'  . FML. Hopefully this wont last for too long.
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On July 22 2013 05:01 Mentalizor wrote:
2: A straight talk would be good. But... How do I get that without doing a weird move?
+ Show Spoiler +
you will probably not meet her just by accident before thursday, so my gut tells me to ask her to meet you in a public place, where there is people around (but you still can talk without people listening in), like going for an icecream together or something (tell her that you would like to talk to her, because things have been awkward, and that you could go get some icecream or sit at a place where you can sip a drink or something. Don't start with "hey, we need to talk". Do it rather along the lines of "hey, can I invite you to XXXX (whatever you decide on)? I have the feeling that there has been some awkward stuff and I would like to clear the air"). She will feel much more safe doing that than meeting you one on one alone in her room. About the how - well, you will have to do it somewhat in person. Either invite her face to face, or maybe by calling her (but face to face is way better, as it is much harder to dodge). Since she is at your friends place, you could go visit him and meet her "by accident" on the way, inviting her for the next day or something. At least that's what I feel would be appropriate for the situation.
Other than that, I'm confident you know already how to handle your friend.
Again, good luck!
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On July 21 2013 21:06 kuriz wrote:
With more than 224 pages there are no chance that netdating hasn't been commented or being a topic of discussion in this thread. The case is that I just made an internet dating profile and I am looking to hear some suggestions and/or good ideas on how to approach this media. I am a fairly good looking guy that often get told that I am funny and comfortable being around. My main issue is that I have some pretty serious anxiety to approach girls/women (in my 23 year old life I don't recall ever actually going over to a girl to say hi, one of them have always approached me - this might sound al right, but it surely isn't making me an better at getting to be better approaching girls). And this is the reason for this dating profile. I have currently taken a few good photos of myself, made a humorous yet serious profile text and have been writing to different girls trying to mainly comment on what they say about themselves; I have done this in a (to me) humorous and positive tone yet nobody seem to be really interested.
So this is my question that hopefully some of you will try to give me some advice on: what is some good ways to approach and write these girls that I first see a picture of that makes me interested and then (hopefully) read a profile text from that is even interesting and make up for some conversation? Even though I'm only in Silver league I hope that somebody can give me some advice on this matter, thanks!
Disclaimer, i am by no means good at online dating, dating, talking to girls or anything related. But i am in your situation, on an online dating website.
You have some problems there.
First, you are too young. Most people your age on these sites either really just want to fuck around or lost a bet/were curious about it once. Even at around 30, where girls start to hear that clock ticking, most of the accounts are dead. I can only imagine how many even younger girls take it seriously.
Second, like already mentioned, these places have too many men and too little women. The site i am on says, that they have 49% women. I call bullshit. I am chatting with a girl from that site and we have joked around about other profiles and telling "warstories". She has gotten more then 100 messages in less then a weak. Most of them are incredibly lame, creepy or lazy, but in the end, you really have to find the exact right spot what to write.
Third, funny is not what they are looking for. I made the exact same approach like you. Funny but serious profile, trying to write something relating to her profile. If i get a response, they tell me i am funny. And half of them doesn't write anything more. Funny just does not cut it.
In the end, be patient and keep trying. Don't put any hopes in it, try making a friend. If you find someone you really are interested in and that can relate to you aswell, you can escalate from there.
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On July 22 2013 02:27 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 02:19 Shiori wrote:On July 22 2013 02:07 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 21 2013 17:18 Ambre wrote:
Here is my question : do you guys think it's okay for a guy to eat lunch + movie (in the afternoon) with a girl who is not his g/f ? What do you personnaly think about this ? of course it is, so long as the dude doesnt have a thing for said girl so in your instance, no This. However, you should find out your gf's position on the matter. Not because she has any right to stop you from making this kind of decision, but because if she were to have problems with this kind of thing, you're setting yourself up for trouble in the long run. You should probably find out if your gf thinks this kind of thing is fine; if she has a problem with it, I'd break up with her. No equal relationship requires one person not to have friends of the opposite sex. yeah agreed if your gf feels that way about you being friends with women you need to end it yesterday. if you have similar feelings about her with dudes, you need to stop being a dumbass you hanging out with this girl under those circumstances is pretty bullshit though, and even a totally secure and confident person would call you on that shit
There is always a line about what is acceptable with the friends of your partner.
If your gf tell you she might join a male friend for a one month trip with just the two of them, i can't ever see it being cool. Most of my relatives also agree that it's weird for a gf to go on one to one trips with male friends while in a relationship.
I was fine with her going on parties with her friends or even trips with a group of friends; not mentionning eating and movies it's all normal stuff. But this one to one trip thing was just too much for me.
I dunno if this classifies as being too close minded or dumbass but I think it's something that will always be across the line for me.
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On July 22 2013 05:06 darthfoley wrote:
Going on my first real date tonight... dinner/movie.
Not that excited tbh lol
How come?
Good luck though Please update how it went
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On July 22 2013 04:22 Fumanchu wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2013 21:06 kuriz wrote:
With more than 224 pages there are no chance that netdating hasn't been commented or being a topic of discussion in this thread. The case is that I just made an internet dating profile and I am looking to hear some suggestions and/or good ideas on how to approach this media. I am a fairly good looking guy that often get told that I am funny and comfortable being around. My main issue is that I have some pretty serious anxiety to approach girls/women (in my 23 year old life I don't recall ever actually going over to a girl to say hi, one of them have always approached me - this might sound al right, but it surely isn't making me an better at getting to be better approaching girls). And this is the reason for this dating profile. I have currently taken a few good photos of myself, made a humorous yet serious profile text and have been writing to different girls trying to mainly comment on what they say about themselves; I have done this in a (to me) humorous and positive tone yet nobody seem to be really interested.
So this is my question that hopefully some of you will try to give me some advice on: what is some good ways to approach and write these girls that I first see a picture of that makes me interested and then (hopefully) read a profile text from that is even interesting and make up for some conversation? Even though I'm only in Silver league I hope that somebody can give me some advice on this matter, thanks! + Show Spoiler +Online dating is a farce. At least if you're a guy. Every girl that you find attractive, whether it's mainly because of her looks or her interests, already has 1000 other guys who are also attracted to her. And since typing out something requires very little risk, you can safely assume that out of those 1000 guys, at least 900 are going to ply their game.
However, how many of these 1000 would walk up to her and talk to her if they accidentally bumped into her in RL? I would guesstimate somewhere around the 100 mark. Talking to girls in person is WAY more effective. Not only does it happen more rarely for girls, it molds you into a more dynamic individual. Your confidence will slowly increase, you will gain knowledge over your strengths, what type of flirting works for you, what type of girl is generally attracted to you. The benefits of face to face interaction is huge.
Now that serious anxiety you feel is completely normal. Every guy goes through it. I didn't have my first gf until I was 23 because talking to girls scared the hell out of me. Here's what happened to me that changed a big part of my life:
A friend brought me to Seven Oaks mall in Abbotsford, BC. He then forced me to cold talk to every girl that I found even a little bit cute. That day was hell. Absolute complete and utter hell. I got turned down a bunch of times. I was awkward, I was sweating a lot, I was lame, I was super self conscious. It was just a terrible, terrible day. And then that night my friend told my other friends about all my lame attempts, and everyone laughed and patted me on the back, and joked around with it. And then the next day, my friend took me back to the same mall again. And even though I still got turned down by every girl I hit on, suddenly it wasn't that big of a deal any more. When I got turned down, I would sort of inwardly grin because I was already imagining the razzing my friends would give me later on. And then slowly, I became more confident and more assured of who I was, and being comfortable with the decisions I made in life, and girls caught on to that, and I started getting numbers.
In other words buddy, just grab a friend and hit up your local mall. Make a sport out of it. Egg each other on. Playfully make fun of each other when you get burned. Share what you learn with each other. Make up tactics. Have contests to see who can get turned down the fastest, or in the most dramatic way. Turn something that seems scary into something that can be really fun. And then eventually it WILL be fun, and not a big deal at all. Hmmm, I wrote out a response that had to do with your anxiety of approaching girls and not with online dating. Since that wasn't the help you were asking for, I spoilered it. Read it if you want, 'cause I think it contains some wisdom, but yeah that wasn't what you were asking for. Basically the reason why nobody seems interested if because you're just unlucky. Girls get hundreds if not thousands of messages from a wide variety of guys online. So getting picked is really more random chance then some great connection.
Going to the mall to hit on chicks is pretty creepy. Why don't you play a few games of Crash n' Burn in a more suitable/social setting like at a beer gardens or bar?
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On July 22 2013 09:37 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 04:22 Fumanchu wrote:On July 21 2013 21:06 kuriz wrote:
With more than 224 pages there are no chance that netdating hasn't been commented or being a topic of discussion in this thread. The case is that I just made an internet dating profile and I am looking to hear some suggestions and/or good ideas on how to approach this media. I am a fairly good looking guy that often get told that I am funny and comfortable being around. My main issue is that I have some pretty serious anxiety to approach girls/women (in my 23 year old life I don't recall ever actually going over to a girl to say hi, one of them have always approached me - this might sound al right, but it surely isn't making me an better at getting to be better approaching girls). And this is the reason for this dating profile. I have currently taken a few good photos of myself, made a humorous yet serious profile text and have been writing to different girls trying to mainly comment on what they say about themselves; I have done this in a (to me) humorous and positive tone yet nobody seem to be really interested.
So this is my question that hopefully some of you will try to give me some advice on: what is some good ways to approach and write these girls that I first see a picture of that makes me interested and then (hopefully) read a profile text from that is even interesting and make up for some conversation? Even though I'm only in Silver league I hope that somebody can give me some advice on this matter, thanks! + Show Spoiler +Online dating is a farce. At least if you're a guy. Every girl that you find attractive, whether it's mainly because of her looks or her interests, already has 1000 other guys who are also attracted to her. And since typing out something requires very little risk, you can safely assume that out of those 1000 guys, at least 900 are going to ply their game.
However, how many of these 1000 would walk up to her and talk to her if they accidentally bumped into her in RL? I would guesstimate somewhere around the 100 mark. Talking to girls in person is WAY more effective. Not only does it happen more rarely for girls, it molds you into a more dynamic individual. Your confidence will slowly increase, you will gain knowledge over your strengths, what type of flirting works for you, what type of girl is generally attracted to you. The benefits of face to face interaction is huge.
Now that serious anxiety you feel is completely normal. Every guy goes through it. I didn't have my first gf until I was 23 because talking to girls scared the hell out of me. Here's what happened to me that changed a big part of my life:
A friend brought me to Seven Oaks mall in Abbotsford, BC. He then forced me to cold talk to every girl that I found even a little bit cute. That day was hell. Absolute complete and utter hell. I got turned down a bunch of times. I was awkward, I was sweating a lot, I was lame, I was super self conscious. It was just a terrible, terrible day. And then that night my friend told my other friends about all my lame attempts, and everyone laughed and patted me on the back, and joked around with it. And then the next day, my friend took me back to the same mall again. And even though I still got turned down by every girl I hit on, suddenly it wasn't that big of a deal any more. When I got turned down, I would sort of inwardly grin because I was already imagining the razzing my friends would give me later on. And then slowly, I became more confident and more assured of who I was, and being comfortable with the decisions I made in life, and girls caught on to that, and I started getting numbers.
In other words buddy, just grab a friend and hit up your local mall. Make a sport out of it. Egg each other on. Playfully make fun of each other when you get burned. Share what you learn with each other. Make up tactics. Have contests to see who can get turned down the fastest, or in the most dramatic way. Turn something that seems scary into something that can be really fun. And then eventually it WILL be fun, and not a big deal at all. Hmmm, I wrote out a response that had to do with your anxiety of approaching girls and not with online dating. Since that wasn't the help you were asking for, I spoilered it. Read it if you want, 'cause I think it contains some wisdom, but yeah that wasn't what you were asking for. Basically the reason why nobody seems interested if because you're just unlucky. Girls get hundreds if not thousands of messages from a wide variety of guys online. So getting picked is really more random chance then some great connection. Going to the mall to hit on chicks is pretty creepy. Why don't you play a few games of Crash n' Burn in a more suitable/social setting like at a beer gardens or bar?
Because there is less selection at bars and you can't easily escape the location. Malls are perfect for doing that as long as you aren't hitting on people that are alrdy chatting in groups imo. You can easily approach, start a conversation and then bail when needed and not worry about being in the same environment for hours. Also don't have to spend money to enjoy being in the setting, unlike bars where you'll probably have to have a drink or two minimum.
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On July 22 2013 10:08 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 09:37 chadissilent wrote:On July 22 2013 04:22 Fumanchu wrote:On July 21 2013 21:06 kuriz wrote:
With more than 224 pages there are no chance that netdating hasn't been commented or being a topic of discussion in this thread. The case is that I just made an internet dating profile and I am looking to hear some suggestions and/or good ideas on how to approach this media. I am a fairly good looking guy that often get told that I am funny and comfortable being around. My main issue is that I have some pretty serious anxiety to approach girls/women (in my 23 year old life I don't recall ever actually going over to a girl to say hi, one of them have always approached me - this might sound al right, but it surely isn't making me an better at getting to be better approaching girls). And this is the reason for this dating profile. I have currently taken a few good photos of myself, made a humorous yet serious profile text and have been writing to different girls trying to mainly comment on what they say about themselves; I have done this in a (to me) humorous and positive tone yet nobody seem to be really interested.
So this is my question that hopefully some of you will try to give me some advice on: what is some good ways to approach and write these girls that I first see a picture of that makes me interested and then (hopefully) read a profile text from that is even interesting and make up for some conversation? Even though I'm only in Silver league I hope that somebody can give me some advice on this matter, thanks! + Show Spoiler +Online dating is a farce. At least if you're a guy. Every girl that you find attractive, whether it's mainly because of her looks or her interests, already has 1000 other guys who are also attracted to her. And since typing out something requires very little risk, you can safely assume that out of those 1000 guys, at least 900 are going to ply their game.
However, how many of these 1000 would walk up to her and talk to her if they accidentally bumped into her in RL? I would guesstimate somewhere around the 100 mark. Talking to girls in person is WAY more effective. Not only does it happen more rarely for girls, it molds you into a more dynamic individual. Your confidence will slowly increase, you will gain knowledge over your strengths, what type of flirting works for you, what type of girl is generally attracted to you. The benefits of face to face interaction is huge.
Now that serious anxiety you feel is completely normal. Every guy goes through it. I didn't have my first gf until I was 23 because talking to girls scared the hell out of me. Here's what happened to me that changed a big part of my life:
A friend brought me to Seven Oaks mall in Abbotsford, BC. He then forced me to cold talk to every girl that I found even a little bit cute. That day was hell. Absolute complete and utter hell. I got turned down a bunch of times. I was awkward, I was sweating a lot, I was lame, I was super self conscious. It was just a terrible, terrible day. And then that night my friend told my other friends about all my lame attempts, and everyone laughed and patted me on the back, and joked around with it. And then the next day, my friend took me back to the same mall again. And even though I still got turned down by every girl I hit on, suddenly it wasn't that big of a deal any more. When I got turned down, I would sort of inwardly grin because I was already imagining the razzing my friends would give me later on. And then slowly, I became more confident and more assured of who I was, and being comfortable with the decisions I made in life, and girls caught on to that, and I started getting numbers.
In other words buddy, just grab a friend and hit up your local mall. Make a sport out of it. Egg each other on. Playfully make fun of each other when you get burned. Share what you learn with each other. Make up tactics. Have contests to see who can get turned down the fastest, or in the most dramatic way. Turn something that seems scary into something that can be really fun. And then eventually it WILL be fun, and not a big deal at all. Hmmm, I wrote out a response that had to do with your anxiety of approaching girls and not with online dating. Since that wasn't the help you were asking for, I spoilered it. Read it if you want, 'cause I think it contains some wisdom, but yeah that wasn't what you were asking for. Basically the reason why nobody seems interested if because you're just unlucky. Girls get hundreds if not thousands of messages from a wide variety of guys online. So getting picked is really more random chance then some great connection. Going to the mall to hit on chicks is pretty creepy. Why don't you play a few games of Crash n' Burn in a more suitable/social setting like at a beer gardens or bar? Because there is less selection at bars and you can't easily escape the location. Malls are perfect for doing that as long as you aren't hitting on people that are alrdy chatting in groups imo. You can easily approach, start a conversation and then bail when needed and not worry about being in the same environment for hours. Also don't have to spend money to enjoy being in the setting, unlike bars where you'll probably have to have a drink or two minimum.
There is less selection at bars? I'm not sure if you're actually serious when you say this or if you've never been to a bar before. I've had girls walk up to me in malls before and I just brushed them off. I'm at a mall to buy what I need then I'm getting out of there. I'm not there to try to pick up chicks and many of my female friends feel the same way.
Why would you want to escape the environment if you're there to talk to people? When I go out with my friends, I end up talking to a ton of people. A bar is a social place, a place where you can speak with anyone. You don't have to hit on everyone, sometimes you can meet some awesome people that are really cool to talk to.
You don't have to buy drinks when you go to the bar, you can always just rock the short glass waters (looks like a highball) if you feel awkward about not drinking. Conversely, the liquid courage doesn't hurt either. If you're a really awkward person, maybe a couple drinks would help loosen you up.
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EPT
