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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates
Exactly, there's this fascination with interpreting every little move in male-female relations that really gets in the way of organic interaction, that being basic conversation and the sorts of exchanges that reveal far more about a woman than whether or not she asks to pay on the first date.
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Passing on sex, "Yeah, let's not do this, you'll regret this terribly.", with a girl whose BF I knew.
Two weeks later, they're split up, I ask her if she's DTF, she goes: "Nah you were right, that would have been a mistake."
WELL IT WOULDN'T BE ONE NOW.
Fucking hell man...
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On July 23 2013 04:49 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates Exactly, there's this fascination with interpreting every little move in male-female relations that really gets in the way of organic interaction, that being basic conversation and the sorts of exchanges that reveal far more about a woman than whether or not she asks to pay on the first date.
It's because the "social dynamics" model of dating is designed to get/keep you in a relationship. The strategies are founded on the premise that sex/date/together = good and rejection/breakup/fight = bad, even though break ups are nearly always for the best. Yeah, if you don't want a girl to break up with you, you should never talk about anything even remotely controversial. but if you want to actually be in a happy relationship, you shouldn't be walking on eggshells and moderating everything you say; if a girl breaks up with you because you offer to pay/offer to split/whatever then she's a basket case and not for you anyway. These things (using particular phrases etc.) are way less of a deal than people like Cloud make them out to be. If a girl reacts violently to you using the word date, she's not worth dating, lol.
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I just went on a date with a female version of myself and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
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As I already explained earlier, those kind of "rules" exist because they're the most frequent things people fuck up when they have no clue about dating. People with any kind of background that relates to PU tend to be more outspoken about those, simply because they usually saw much more people fuck up those kind of things than your average guy.
If you have enough experience you can do whatever the fuck you want and get away with. Ideally with someone who doesn't understand that distinction and treats his bibles because he thinks they're bibles, not because they're cool crutches that can help you out a lot.
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On July 23 2013 04:59 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 04:49 farvacola wrote:On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates Exactly, there's this fascination with interpreting every little move in male-female relations that really gets in the way of organic interaction, that being basic conversation and the sorts of exchanges that reveal far more about a woman than whether or not she asks to pay on the first date. It's because the "social dynamics" model of dating is designed to get/keep you in a relationship. The strategies are founded on the premise that sex/date/together = good and rejection/breakup/fight = bad, even though break ups are nearly always for the best. Yeah, if you don't want a girl to break up with you, you should never talk about anything even remotely controversial. but if you want to actually be in a happy relationship, you shouldn't be walking on eggshells and moderating everything you say; if a girl breaks up with you because you offer to pay/offer to split/whatever then she's a basket case and not for you anyway. These things (using particular phrases etc.) are way less of a deal than people like Cloud make them out to be. If a girl reacts violently to you using the word date, she's not worth dating, lol.
Yeah, I think you're on to something here. There is a palpable fear of rejection that pervades a lot of PUA methodology, as though a man ought to approach interacting with women from the perspective of someone looking to minimize their losses above all else. Unfortunately, I don't find that human interaction works that way 
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On July 22 2013 18:02 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2013 14:08 darthfoley wrote:On July 22 2013 06:30 Mentalizor wrote:On July 22 2013 05:06 darthfoley wrote:
Going on my first real date tonight... dinner/movie.
Not that excited tbh lol How come? Good luck though  Please update how it went I'm a really extroverted person and pretty easy going in general, but I get pretty bad anxiety before anything involving romance, that's why i wasn't that excited. Once I get settled in it because normal ish. I just have a lot less experience with romance than other 18 year olds for a variety of reasons (not because i'm ass crack ugly). It actually went a lot better than expected. I had only interacted with her through twitter (where I met her) and texting beforehand, so I wasn't really sure what to expect in terms of awkward levels. I did the normal pay for dinner/movie tickets, and it wasn't super awkward. I had fun! At the end we hugged and I assume she wanted me to kiss her, but i'm quite the vagina so that will be procrastinated to next time. I will probably see her a few more times before I go off to college. All in all, not the best of dates nor the worst of dates. Probably a 7/10 on the night. Sounds pretty good Will you be going far away for college? Considering starting a relationship if you're going to another state can be tough. Logistics play a bigger part of a relationship than people think. Yeah, I know I'm overdoing this right now - you've only been on one date, but keep it in mind Ask her out again... Maybe this time for something else... Like a picnic (you've got amazing weather in the states right now, right?)
I'm not really lookin for a relationship for that specific reason. I am going 2.5 hours away for college and I would prefer to "start fresh". I'm hanging out with her tomorrow so I know she's interested in me haha
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On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates. it's a first date you shouldnt be going nutso on your spending anyway
I wouldn't go so far as to calling these people PUA or Mra (whatever the fuck that is...) but maybe just experienced in the dating world. Maybe I have been lucky but every girl I've had something with has never hesitated to try to pay for some dates or surprise me with something (the best was a 2 story presidential suite at a 5* hotel in the mountains). I don't always let them but it just shows they're not along for a free ride. A few girls I've dated for an extremely short period of time that turned out to be shallow and materialistic were the ones that just expected that shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, I can afford all of that easily but I don't want to be with a girl that just expects shit out of me. If I want to surprise her, I will but I don't want some sense of entitlement when I do.
Agreed on your last point though, first date is always a coffee date/mini golf/something where you can get to know the person. The last thing I want is to be at a bar and this girl expects me to feed her drinks all night or waste a few hours of my time and $100 of my money on a nice dinner with a person that downright sucks.
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On July 23 2013 05:01 Shadowpostin wrote:
I just went on a date with a female version of myself and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
Lucky. I would totally love to see/meet/make out with a female version of myself. Perhaps I'm a bit narcissistic.
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As a long time reader and sometimes asker of advice in this topic:
I haven't had much luck dating and I have been far too introvert to ask too many people. Only people I have been on dates with are people I know through mutual friends and had somewhat of a facebook/texting 'base' with. I want to make a change and be more pro active about my dating life, how does one really go about 'picking up'/asking out girls I don't already know. Say people I see in classes, or on the street, or whatever.
I know this sounds vague and to be honest quite sad, but do you just straight up ask people out, use pick up lines, strike up a conversation (about what?) etc? Could use some basic pointers before I try the 'crash and burn' thing some more than I have so far.
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On July 23 2013 08:46 Mikau wrote:
As a long time reader and sometimes asker of advice in this topic:
I haven't had much luck dating and I have been far too introvert to ask too many people. Only people I have been on dates with are people I know through mutual friends and had somewhat of a facebook/texting 'base' with. I want to make a change and be more pro active about my dating life, how does one really go about 'picking up'/asking out girls I don't already know. Say people I see in classes, or on the street, or whatever.
I know this sounds vague and to be honest quite sad, but do you just straight up ask people out, use pick up lines, strike up a conversation (about what?) etc? Could use some basic pointers before I try the 'crash and burn' thing some more than I have so far.
Talk to people in class. Just say whatever's on your mind about the class or school or whatever you may have in common. If you can strike up conversation like this, there's no real hurt in saying, "hey, do you want to get lunch/dinner/coffee today/tomorrow/sometime."
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On July 23 2013 08:04 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 05:01 Shadowpostin wrote:
I just went on a date with a female version of myself and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Lucky. I would totally love to see/meet/make out with a female version of myself. Perhaps I'm a bit narcissistic.
Think this really depends on the personna... I would love tons of things about a girl being my mirror image... But bro, I wouldn't stick around anyone with that sort of temper... I really think it depends on the individual
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On July 23 2013 08:52 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 08:46 Mikau wrote:
As a long time reader and sometimes asker of advice in this topic:
I haven't had much luck dating and I have been far too introvert to ask too many people. Only people I have been on dates with are people I know through mutual friends and had somewhat of a facebook/texting 'base' with. I want to make a change and be more pro active about my dating life, how does one really go about 'picking up'/asking out girls I don't already know. Say people I see in classes, or on the street, or whatever.
I know this sounds vague and to be honest quite sad, but do you just straight up ask people out, use pick up lines, strike up a conversation (about what?) etc? Could use some basic pointers before I try the 'crash and burn' thing some more than I have so far. Talk to people in class. Just say whatever's on your mind about the class or school or whatever you may have in common. If you can strike up conversation like this, there's no real hurt in saying, "hey, do you want to get lunch/dinner/coffee today/tomorrow/sometime."
Will report back after I talked to all two of them  . Physics not exactly a hotspot in that department
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On July 23 2013 09:43 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 08:52 jrkirby wrote:On July 23 2013 08:46 Mikau wrote:
As a long time reader and sometimes asker of advice in this topic:
I haven't had much luck dating and I have been far too introvert to ask too many people. Only people I have been on dates with are people I know through mutual friends and had somewhat of a facebook/texting 'base' with. I want to make a change and be more pro active about my dating life, how does one really go about 'picking up'/asking out girls I don't already know. Say people I see in classes, or on the street, or whatever.
I know this sounds vague and to be honest quite sad, but do you just straight up ask people out, use pick up lines, strike up a conversation (about what?) etc? Could use some basic pointers before I try the 'crash and burn' thing some more than I have so far. Talk to people in class. Just say whatever's on your mind about the class or school or whatever you may have in common. If you can strike up conversation like this, there's no real hurt in saying, "hey, do you want to get lunch/dinner/coffee today/tomorrow/sometime." Will report back after I talked to all two of them . Physics not exactly a hotspot in that department
Neither is computer science... neither is computer science... Q.Q
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On July 23 2013 05:58 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates. it's a first date you shouldnt be going nutso on your spending anyway I wouldn't go so far as to calling these people PUA or Mra (whatever the fuck that is...) but maybe just experienced in the dating world. Maybe I have been lucky but every girl I've had something with has never hesitated to try to pay for some dates or surprise me with something (the best was a 2 story presidential suite at a 5* hotel in the mountains). I don't always let them but it just shows they're not along for a free ride. A few girls I've dated for an extremely short period of time that turned out to be shallow and materialistic were the ones that just expected that shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, I can afford all of that easily but I don't want to be with a girl that just expects shit out of me. If I want to surprise her, I will but I don't want some sense of entitlement when I do. Agreed on your last point though, first date is always a coffee date/mini golf/something where you can get to know the person. The last thing I want is to be at a bar and this girl expects me to feed her drinks all night or waste a few hours of my time and $100 of my money on a nice dinner with a person that downright sucks.
i think the discussion ,or at least what i was talking about, was more about the first couple of dates. obvious if youre dating someone seriously, you should expect to not have to pay for everything.
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My ex girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me a few months before college so she practice being single. My best friend and her then proceed to hook up a few weeks after we broke up. It has not been the best summer...
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Nice guys finish last.
No, but in all seriousness, you should take time to think why you're dating that chick. Is she hot, cute? You like the sex? Are you going to marry her, and if so, will you be happy?
I just want to let you know that she's not gonna change. Ever. The way she is now will be the way she will be until the moment you break-up, divorce, or die.
So if you think she is so oh-my-god-hot/cute and/or if your sexlife is so incredibly amazingly mind-blowing that you don't mind all the stuff she's doing that ticks you off, then you may continue your relationship. Keep in mind that she may be the one asking to break-up in the end, though, so you have more to lose as you two date. Besides, you seem to be the one that is more emotionally committed than her (i.e. she is naturally a less emotional person than you, or, well I hate to break it, but you're more into her)
Little piece of advice, girls who demand a lot are extremely exhausting, and giving her everything she asks will just spoil her. You have to see if she appreciates the small things (in life, and about you, and everything). It's called being mature. Girls who complain a lot have been raised by being pampered like princesses, and you should not give into things like that. Maintain your dignity as a guy.
Being single is actually pretty comfortable, you can do what you want whenever you want wherever you want with whoever you want with giving a single sh*t about anything. Eat, sleep, play games, go clubbing, go drinking and partying without a single care. Your money is yours to spend alone. Sure, you might feel lonely sometimes, but hey, leave emotions at the door, and enjoy the quiet solitude. It's a great life, with lots of freedom, until you find the right girl for you in life.
But hey, if you have a good plan to manage your turbulent relationship in the future, never-mind this comment and go ahead man. I'm sure there are brave/intelligent/tough men out there who can out-think spoiled princesses and make them stick around you and grow fond of you.
For my part, I've had amazing relationship experience before, as well as atrocious ones. The reason I can give you advises like the above is because I've been there, done that, and know where it's headed. You'll do things that tick her off, she'll reciprocate, intentionally or unintentionally, and, well, it's gonna build up until the volcano erupts, and it's the final goodbye. The good relationship experiences I've had before almost never involved any uncomfortableness when together, because it's two mature minds that meet together and appreciate each other.
Last words: think of it a little bit like a Starcraft game; observe what she is doing, and plan ahead for a suitable reaction for the result you want. Turbulent relationships require the use of your head, whether to maintain, or to call gg. The difference will be whether you can save it, prolong your misery/joy, or earn earlier freedom to move on to a better girl.
Over and out.
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On July 23 2013 11:25 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 05:58 chadissilent wrote:On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates. it's a first date you shouldnt be going nutso on your spending anyway I wouldn't go so far as to calling these people PUA or Mra (whatever the fuck that is...) but maybe just experienced in the dating world. Maybe I have been lucky but every girl I've had something with has never hesitated to try to pay for some dates or surprise me with something (the best was a 2 story presidential suite at a 5* hotel in the mountains). I don't always let them but it just shows they're not along for a free ride. A few girls I've dated for an extremely short period of time that turned out to be shallow and materialistic were the ones that just expected that shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, I can afford all of that easily but I don't want to be with a girl that just expects shit out of me. If I want to surprise her, I will but I don't want some sense of entitlement when I do. Agreed on your last point though, first date is always a coffee date/mini golf/something where you can get to know the person. The last thing I want is to be at a bar and this girl expects me to feed her drinks all night or waste a few hours of my time and $100 of my money on a nice dinner with a person that downright sucks. i think the discussion ,or at least what i was talking about, was more about the first couple of dates. obvious if youre dating someone seriously, you should expect to not have to pay for everything.
I've noticed that the early going really sets the stage for the long term.
On July 23 2013 12:51 spkim1 wrote:
For my part, I've had amazing relationship experience before, as well as atrocious ones. The reason I can give you advises like the above is because I've been there, done that, and know where it's headed. You'll do things that tick her off, she'll reciprocate, intentionally or unintentionally, and, well, it's gonna build up until the volcano erupts, and it's the final goodbye. The good relationship experiences I've had before almost never involved any uncomfortableness when together, because it's two mature minds that meet together and appreciate each other.
My biggest piece of advice for anyone in this thread: Never go to bed angry. If everything is solved before you go to sleep, the next day is totally fresh and you can get on with your lives. I've also "been there, done that" and that has been my biggest tip to building successful long term relationships.
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On July 23 2013 13:17 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 11:25 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 23 2013 05:58 chadissilent wrote:On July 23 2013 04:47 QuanticHawk wrote:
eh it certainly reflects better if they ask, but honestly 99% of the time the people who make a big deal about stuff like that are mra or pua disciples. using a weird gendered social norm to determine whether or not a person is materialistic or using you as a meal ticket that night is silly. you can find that out real fast just from normal convo over the first couple dates. it's a first date you shouldnt be going nutso on your spending anyway I wouldn't go so far as to calling these people PUA or Mra (whatever the fuck that is...) but maybe just experienced in the dating world. Maybe I have been lucky but every girl I've had something with has never hesitated to try to pay for some dates or surprise me with something (the best was a 2 story presidential suite at a 5* hotel in the mountains). I don't always let them but it just shows they're not along for a free ride. A few girls I've dated for an extremely short period of time that turned out to be shallow and materialistic were the ones that just expected that shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, I can afford all of that easily but I don't want to be with a girl that just expects shit out of me. If I want to surprise her, I will but I don't want some sense of entitlement when I do. Agreed on your last point though, first date is always a coffee date/mini golf/something where you can get to know the person. The last thing I want is to be at a bar and this girl expects me to feed her drinks all night or waste a few hours of my time and $100 of my money on a nice dinner with a person that downright sucks. i think the discussion ,or at least what i was talking about, was more about the first couple of dates. obvious if youre dating someone seriously, you should expect to not have to pay for everything. I've noticed that the early going really sets the stage for the long term. Show nested quote +On July 23 2013 12:51 spkim1 wrote:
For my part, I've had amazing relationship experience before, as well as atrocious ones. The reason I can give you advises like the above is because I've been there, done that, and know where it's headed. You'll do things that tick her off, she'll reciprocate, intentionally or unintentionally, and, well, it's gonna build up until the volcano erupts, and it's the final goodbye. The good relationship experiences I've had before almost never involved any uncomfortableness when together, because it's two mature minds that meet together and appreciate each other.
My biggest piece of advice for anyone in this thread: Never go to bed angry. If everything is solved before you go to sleep, the next day is totally fresh and you can get on with your lives. I've also "been there, done that" and that has been my biggest tip to building successful long term relationships.
Idk if I agree with that last bit of advice, everyone operates differently. Gotta do what works best for you. Me if I am upset which is rare, wouldn't want to settle something before bed because I would probably fuck up. Usually I like going to bed upset because I wake up and I have forgotten about it without embarassing myself.
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EPT
