We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On July 31 2019 03:43 JimmyJRaynor wrote: I don't agree with the implication in the title of this thead. I do not think luck is a substantial factor in building a successful relationship.
Dating : The act of seeking or pursuing a romantic relationship with another human.
Luck : Fortune in circumstances where there are too many variables to be reasonably controlled, or the circumstances inherently leave the outcome to chance, I.E. rolling a dice.
Granted, those are definitions I pulled out of my ass, but luck is certainly a factor in the early stages of dating when there are a great wealth of unknown variables.
If your definition of dating is something more along the lines of actually establishing and building a relationship with another person then I can see what you're driving towards, but commonly understood dating engages chance in meeting compatible humans. There's luck involved.
clint understands that only punks (ne’er-do-wells, drunkards, petty criminals, gamblers) see life as governed by impersonal chance — believing that their place in the world was pre-ordained and that chance not only gives but takes away (sometimes through themselves as instruments of fate). but clint is a man’s man who makes his own destiny. contemporary movies have shied away from this truth, and that’s why today’s marvel franchises don’t focus on the working livelihoods of their characters. compare the superman films with chris reeves, where his ordinary livelihood as a reporter takes center stage for awhile before he must step up to confront evil. the series only got better as it went along.
On July 30 2019 20:20 Harris1st wrote: Finally my favorite thread on TL is alive again :D
I've seen the "rushing in a relationship" work out (so far) quite often. Some were getting married after 1,5 years of dating and still are. Some have kids on the way now. Surprisingly none I know of, was a disaster. Guess that has a lot to do with experience and expectancy on both sides. My mentioned friends all range betweed 30-35
For myself, I'm actually dating a girl I know from Tinder. Never expected that to work O.o She is awesome. We're exclusive for half a year and now the real test starts: She has got a new job and has to relocate. What was a 30min drive is now a 3 hour drive to see her
This is not "working". Your friends are maybe ten or fifteens year in, max. I'd say the minimum criteria for "working" is a harmonious relationship where both of you are genuinely satisfied and has lasted 25+ years.
Half a year is not the real test, although what you're talking about definitely tests some things. The real test is after 3-5 years after all the "new relationship energy" fades off along with some of the sexual desire and a sense of commitment and other things move in. If things are still really good then, that's where in my opinion you can start to think about where you're at. Before that you're hugely buoyed by the good feels of a new relationship.
Honestly, if things aren't damn near perfect during the first year I'd be running far, far away, or putting that more in the friends with benefit category.
On July 31 2019 03:43 JimmyJRaynor wrote: I don't agree with the implication in the title of this thead. I do not think luck is a substantial factor in building a successful relationship.
Eh, there is an element of luck in terms of meeting the right person and being able to find personalities that mesh with yours, especially if you're picky and/or don't throw massive amounts of time into dating.
Kind of an odd post though, who cares in the first place if it's a misnomer? Moreover, its a figure or speech that, in the vernacular, basically just means "hows it going".
On July 30 2019 23:02 dudeman001 wrote: Just went through a break up. Only just over a year and a half but it was my longest and most stable relationship. It mostly collapsed due to lack of communication on both of our parts. She ended up giving up on it emotionally before I knew it and I never had a chance to salvage things. Feels pretty shitty and I'll probably be out of the dating pool for a while.
My advice to daters out there from my own experience: Communicate. Don't assume your SO knows what you're thinking and vice-verca. If something is bothering you and you're debating whether or not to bring it up, do it. Not only does it help avoid festering issues, it will create an atmosphere of openness between both of you where the default is to bring up problems rather than bury them.
Yep, can't go wrong with respectful communication. Should be consistent feedback with each other about how you feel, what satisfies you and what bothers you, etc. At least once or twice a month in my mind.
Also, in my mind when you decide to start dating (e.g. being BF/GF) you should definitely have a good talk about what things matter to you and where you stand on them, as well as revealing the things you struggle with or are likely to concern and frustrate her. Brought up right away, they can usually be worked through. When she or he suddenly discovers them two years in....it's usually ugly.
On July 30 2019 20:20 Harris1st wrote: Finally my favorite thread on TL is alive again :D
I've seen the "rushing in a relationship" work out (so far) quite often. Some were getting married after 1,5 years of dating and still are. Some have kids on the way now. Surprisingly none I know of, was a disaster. Guess that has a lot to do with experience and expectancy on both sides. My mentioned friends all range betweed 30-35
For myself, I'm actually dating a girl I know from Tinder. Never expected that to work O.o She is awesome. We're exclusive for half a year and now the real test starts: She has got a new job and has to relocate. What was a 30min drive is now a 3 hour drive to see her
This is not "working". Your friends are maybe ten or fifteens year in, max. I'd say the minimum criteria for "working" is a harmonious relationship where both of you are genuinely satisfied and has lasted 25+ years.
Half a year is not the real test, although what you're talking about definitely tests some things. The real test is after 3-5 years after all the "new relationship energy" fades off along with some of the sexual desire and a sense of commitment and other things move in. If things are still really good then, that's where in my opinion you can start to think about where you're at. Before that you're hugely buoyed by the good feels of a new relationship.
Honestly, if things aren't damn near perfect during the first year I'd be running far, far away, or putting that more in the friends with benefit category.
25+ years? That's like what, 5% of all relationships? And how do you even start? In 25 years sooooo much can change
On July 30 2019 20:20 Harris1st wrote: Finally my favorite thread on TL is alive again :D
I've seen the "rushing in a relationship" work out (so far) quite often. Some were getting married after 1,5 years of dating and still are. Some have kids on the way now. Surprisingly none I know of, was a disaster. Guess that has a lot to do with experience and expectancy on both sides. My mentioned friends all range betweed 30-35
For myself, I'm actually dating a girl I know from Tinder. Never expected that to work O.o She is awesome. We're exclusive for half a year and now the real test starts: She has got a new job and has to relocate. What was a 30min drive is now a 3 hour drive to see her
This is not "working". Your friends are maybe ten or fifteens year in, max. I'd say the minimum criteria for "working" is a harmonious relationship where both of you are genuinely satisfied and has lasted 25+ years.
Half a year is not the real test, although what you're talking about definitely tests some things. The real test is after 3-5 years after all the "new relationship energy" fades off along with some of the sexual desire and a sense of commitment and other things move in. If things are still really good then, that's where in my opinion you can start to think about where you're at. Before that you're hugely buoyed by the good feels of a new relationship.
Honestly, if things aren't damn near perfect during the first year I'd be running far, far away, or putting that more in the friends with benefit category.
25+ years? That's like what, 5% of all relationships? And how do you even start? In 25 years sooooo much can change
I agree it's a long time. But to me if you start dating someone, get married, and the get divorced 8 years later...that's not a successful relationship. It might have been good for some time...but in the end factors caused it not to work.
And yea, definitely agree that things can change, but in general people dont change that dramatically. Usually the relationships with problems and tension and drama in the first 2-3 yrs are the first to end.
And then of course you have this awkward category of "successful" marriages where people have been together a long time but constantly are going at each other and are clearly less happy as a result of the relationship. I feel like that is at least 30% of longer marriages, maybe as high as 80%.
I really feel like the number of people that are genuinely happier for there long term (20-25+ yr) relationship is very very low, like 1-2% of everyone. It's just a hard thing to do, picking the right partner, managing the relationship well, etc.
On July 31 2019 23:31 L_Master wrote: I really feel like the number of people that are genuinely happier for there long term (20-25+ yr) relationship is very very low, like 1-2% of everyone. It's just a hard thing to do, picking the right partner, managing the relationship well, etc.
its not easy but its also far from impossible. the % of guys i know who never bother to ask themselves the questions below is low. The relationships these guys are in are a write-off right from the start.
do they genuinely LIKE the #1 woman in their life? Will she be a good mother in the future? is she a reliable friend and constant ally ? is the #1 woman in my life a predominantly honest person?
Because these guys never bother to contemplate these kinds of issues they then get to go through motions of being "shocked" , "stunned" , and "blind sided" when their gf fucks them over. They mutter about "bad luck".
I apply the famous Warren Buffett quote when I decide with whom i socialize : "you can't make a good deal with a bad person"
On July 31 2019 08:59 IgnE wrote: real men make their own luck
Clint Eastwood is pretty good, but I prefer real life guys like Al Davis, Andrew Friedman, and Pat Gillick. I'm close to adding Masai Ujiri to that list. We'll see how he does the next few years.
On July 30 2019 20:20 Harris1st wrote: Finally my favorite thread on TL is alive again :D
I've seen the "rushing in a relationship" work out (so far) quite often. Some were getting married after 1,5 years of dating and still are. Some have kids on the way now. Surprisingly none I know of, was a disaster. Guess that has a lot to do with experience and expectancy on both sides. My mentioned friends all range betweed 30-35
For myself, I'm actually dating a girl I know from Tinder. Never expected that to work O.o She is awesome. We're exclusive for half a year and now the real test starts: She has got a new job and has to relocate. What was a 30min drive is now a 3 hour drive to see her
This is not "working". Your friends are maybe ten or fifteens year in, max. I'd say the minimum criteria for "working" is a harmonious relationship where both of you are genuinely satisfied and has lasted 25+ years.
Half a year is not the real test, although what you're talking about definitely tests some things. The real test is after 3-5 years after all the "new relationship energy" fades off along with some of the sexual desire and a sense of commitment and other things move in. If things are still really good then, that's where in my opinion you can start to think about where you're at. Before that you're hugely buoyed by the good feels of a new relationship.
Honestly, if things aren't damn near perfect during the first year I'd be running far, far away, or putting that more in the friends with benefit category.
25+ years? That's like what, 5% of all relationships? And how do you even start? In 25 years sooooo much can change
I agree it's a long time. But to me if you start dating someone, get married, and the get divorced 8 years later...that's not a successful relationship. It might have been good for some time...but in the end factors caused it not to work.
And yea, definitely agree that things can change, but in general people dont change that dramatically. Usually the relationships with problems and tension and drama in the first 2-3 yrs are the first to end.
And then of course you have this awkward category of "successful" marriages where people have been together a long time but constantly are going at each other and are clearly less happy as a result of the relationship. I feel like that is at least 30% of longer marriages, maybe as high as 80%.
I really feel like the number of people that are genuinely happier for there long term (20-25+ yr) relationship is very very low, like 1-2% of everyone. It's just a hard thing to do, picking the right partner, managing the relationship well, etc.
On July 30 2019 20:20 Harris1st wrote: Finally my favorite thread on TL is alive again :D
I've seen the "rushing in a relationship" work out (so far) quite often. Some were getting married after 1,5 years of dating and still are. Some have kids on the way now. Surprisingly none I know of, was a disaster. Guess that has a lot to do with experience and expectancy on both sides. My mentioned friends all range betweed 30-35
For myself, I'm actually dating a girl I know from Tinder. Never expected that to work O.o She is awesome. We're exclusive for half a year and now the real test starts: She has got a new job and has to relocate. What was a 30min drive is now a 3 hour drive to see her
This is not "working". Your friends are maybe ten or fifteens year in, max. I'd say the minimum criteria for "working" is a harmonious relationship where both of you are genuinely satisfied and has lasted 25+ years.
Half a year is not the real test, although what you're talking about definitely tests some things. The real test is after 3-5 years after all the "new relationship energy" fades off along with some of the sexual desire and a sense of commitment and other things move in. If things are still really good then, that's where in my opinion you can start to think about where you're at. Before that you're hugely buoyed by the good feels of a new relationship.
Honestly, if things aren't damn near perfect during the first year I'd be running far, far away, or putting that more in the friends with benefit category.
25+ years? That's like what, 5% of all relationships? And how do you even start? In 25 years sooooo much can change
I agree it's a long time. But to me if you start dating someone, get married, and the get divorced 8 years later...that's not a successful relationship. It might have been good for some time...but in the end factors caused it not to work.
And yea, definitely agree that things can change, but in general people dont change that dramatically. Usually the relationships with problems and tension and drama in the first 2-3 yrs are the first to end.
And then of course you have this awkward category of "successful" marriages where people have been together a long time but constantly are going at each other and are clearly less happy as a result of the relationship. I feel like that is at least 30% of longer marriages, maybe as high as 80%.
I really feel like the number of people that are genuinely happier for there long term (20-25+ yr) relationship is very very low, like 1-2% of everyone. It's just a hard thing to do, picking the right partner, managing the relationship well, etc.
This sounds more like a problem of marriage being understood as the "ultimate" relationship and the end goal for any relationship, which strikes me as an awful and self-defeating premise.
There are nonmonogamous / nonmerital relationships that could be defined as 'successful' in that they were mutually enjoyed and mutually enriching without marriage coming in to the picture. If you paint "happily married 25 years" as the condition for success in a relationship, you're dooming the VAST majority of people to failure by that standard, and applying unnecessary pressure to yourself and your own relationships by striving for something that is mathematically unrealistic.
It's like not considering yourself in a successful career until you have made a million dollars in one year. It narrows the scope of 'successful career' to financial income over time, when there are a lot more things wrapped up in success and career than that.
On July 31 2019 23:31 L_Master wrote: I really feel like the number of people that are genuinely happier for there long term (20-25+ yr) relationship is very very low, like 1-2% of everyone. It's just a hard thing to do, picking the right partner, managing the relationship well, etc.
its not easy but its also far from impossible. the % of guys i know who never bother to ask themselves the questions below is low. The relationships these guys are in are a write-off right from the start.
do they genuinely LIKE the #1 woman in their life? Will she be a good mother in the future? is she a reliable friend and constant ally ? is the #1 woman in my life a predominantly honest person?
Because these guys never bother to contemplate these kinds of issues they then get to go through motions of being "shocked" , "stunned" , and "blind sided" when their gf fucks them over. They mutter about "bad luck".
I apply the famous Warren Buffett quote when I decide with whom i socialize : "you can't make a good deal with a bad person"
Yea, I think questions like those are important, and heading in the right direction! I think you really need to know who you are, and what you're looking for as well, to avoid getting a year or two in and realizing this person isn't really what you want.
I agree lots of guys "fall into" the first relationship that comes their way and feels good, rather than really looking for someone that genuinely works for them. Guys are also terrible about leaving a few months to a few years in when they realize this isn't really an ideal fit.
You can rule some people out before 2-3 years, but I dont think you can rule someone in by then. It's not until you've been with someone that long that the relationship "settles in" and you can really assess what being a life partner with that person would mean.
Romantic interest I met from work died off. I’m just too busy with work and other things, being committed to a relationship is not a priority to me atm I guess.
Secretly I hope it branches to a fwb thing (very unlikely though)
That’s it for me, just lots of masturbating atm. 🙃🙃
On August 01 2019 08:55 Emnjay808 wrote: Romantic interest I met from work died off. I’m just too busy with work and other things, being committed to a relationship is not a priority to me atm I guess.
Secretly I hope it branches to a fwb thing (very unlikely though)
That’s it for me, just lots of masturbating atm. 🙃🙃
How serious were you guys? Did you make her cum every time you had sex? Were you texting alot/doing alot of "dating things" (dinners, movies, seeing each other often, gifts, etc.)?
Those factors will play a big role in chance of FWB.
She was more giving than receiving in bed (something I have rare experiences with). We had a very healthy sexual relationship.
General-relationship-wise we weren’t very serious—just would flirt and drink after work and one thing would lead to another (been like that since March)
I would think opting/asking if she would be interested in keeping a “just for fun” relationship going would be rude and wouldn’t help her move on. Again, I would LOVE IT but it’s unlikely.
On August 01 2019 10:50 Emnjay808 wrote: She was more giving than receiving in bed (something I have rare experiences with). We had a very healthy sexual relationship.
General-relationship-wise we weren’t very serious—just would flirt and drink after work and one thing would lead to another (been like that since March)
I would think opting/asking if she would be interested in keeping a “just for fun” relationship going would be rude and wouldn’t help her move on. Again, I would LOVE IT but it’s unlikely.
I wouldn't ask for it. I'd just start treating her as one. Contact her maybe once a week or a few times a month. See if she is down to have sex. Have sex and then dont be like a boyfriend: no cuddling, no sleeping over, etc.
Works fine. Women have zero problem with this, or moving on from this. When they get tired of it, they move toward a relationship with someone else.
One thing I would say is if you thought she was very into you and was really hit...dont do that. Some women will initially think it's you possibly reconsidering the relationship. Honestly...sounds like relationship was damn near FWB anyway so should be a natural transition.
OK so here's my current situation. She's a genuinely excellent person, she's intelligent, kind, funny, has a great personality. We get along really well and have a lot of common interests like reading and golf. She's also doing great work - she's a govt prosecutor who goes after elder and child abusers.
Now here's the downside, I find her to be only moderately physically attractive, and the sex is like mediocre, at least for me. I'm grappling with whether or not to continue it. Usually I have the opposite problem, I'll be with someone who is great in bed or hot but our personalities just don't mesh. This is a new thing for me. Am I becoming older and more mature that I want to continue with her? Or am I just lying to myself about the nature of our relationship because we get along so well?
On July 31 2019 08:59 IgnE wrote: real men make their own luck
clint understands that only punks (ne’er-do-wells, drunkards, petty criminals, gamblers) see life as governed by impersonal chance — believing that their place in the world was pre-ordained and that chance not only gives but takes away (sometimes through themselves as instruments of fate). but clint is a man’s man who makes his own destiny. contemporary movies have shied away from this truth, and that’s why today’s marvel franchises don’t focus on the working livelihoods of their characters. compare the superman films with chris reeves, where his ordinary livelihood as a reporter takes center stage for awhile before he must step up to confront evil. the series only got better as it went along.
I've read that most of the world - the great exception being individualistic countries, particularly the US - actually believes that most of life is pre-ordained. They believe in a deity or in fate, or believe that their economic circumstances can't change. The idea that one can take command of one's own life is actually not the norm - but in my view essential to becoming successful and working one's way up the proverbial ladder.
On August 01 2019 12:55 TheFish7 wrote: OK so here's my current situation. She's a genuinely excellent person, she's intelligent, kind, funny, has a great personality. We get along really well and have a lot of common interests like reading and golf. She's also doing great work - she's a govt prosecutor who goes after elder and child abusers.
Now here's the downside, I find her to be only moderately physically attractive, and the sex is like mediocre, at least for me. I'm grappling with whether or not to continue it. Usually I have the opposite problem, I'll be with someone who is great in bed or hot but our personalities just don't mesh. This is a new thing for me. Am I becoming older and more mature that I want to continue with her? Or am I just lying to myself about the nature of our relationship because we get along so well.
Honestly...most relationships will eventually move to the point where the sex is fairly low frequency and somewhat mediocre. It's the sacrifice you make in most (always exceptions to the rule always exist) relationships of 3-5+ years. Unless, of course, you go the open route. Then you dont have that issue.
Is the sex bad because you like it different ways? If not, then communication can go a long way. Talk to her about why the sex isn't great for you. Good chance are feels the same vibe.
Given that looks and sex decline over time, if you aren't going to date open, I think that's the tradeoff you make for the benefits of a great long term partner. Is it worth it? Depends on you personally.
You could also search for someone who checks ALL the boxes strongly...but that can be very, very hard to find.
On August 01 2019 12:55 TheFish7 wrote: OK so here's my current situation. She's a genuinely excellent person, she's intelligent, kind, funny, has a great personality. We get along really well and have a lot of common interests like reading and golf. She's also doing great work - she's a govt prosecutor who goes after elder and child abusers.
Now here's the downside, I find her to be only moderately physically attractive, and the sex is like mediocre, at least for me. I'm grappling with whether or not to continue it. Usually I have the opposite problem, I'll be with someone who is great in bed or hot but our personalities just don't mesh. This is a new thing for me. Am I becoming older and more mature that I want to continue with her? Or am I just lying to myself about the nature of our relationship because we get along so well.
Honestly...most relationships will eventually move to the point where the sex is fairly low frequency and somewhat mediocre. It's the sacrifice you make in most (always exceptions to the rule always exist) relationships of 3-5+ years. Unless, of course, you go the open route. Then you dont have that issue.
Is the sex bad because you like it different ways? If not, then communication can go a long way. Talk to her about why the sex isn't great for you. Good chance are feels the same vibe.
Given that looks and sex decline over time, if you aren't going to date open, I think that's the tradeoff you make for the benefits of a great long term partner. Is it worth it? Depends on you personally.
You could also search for someone who checks ALL the boxes strongly...but that can be very, very hard to find.
more like impossible. you will never find anyone who checks all your boxes. if you think you can then you are deluding yourself. learn to be happy with what you got, and if it still isnt enough then too bad. the perfect woman/man doesnt exist
On August 01 2019 12:55 TheFish7 wrote: OK so here's my current situation. She's a genuinely excellent person, she's intelligent, kind, funny, has a great personality. We get along really well and have a lot of common interests like reading and golf. She's also doing great work - she's a govt prosecutor who goes after elder and child abusers.
Now here's the downside, I find her to be only moderately physically attractive, and the sex is like mediocre, at least for me. I'm grappling with whether or not to continue it. Usually I have the opposite problem, I'll be with someone who is great in bed or hot but our personalities just don't mesh. This is a new thing for me. Am I becoming older and more mature that I want to continue with her? Or am I just lying to myself about the nature of our relationship because we get along so well.
Honestly...most relationships will eventually move to the point where the sex is fairly low frequency and somewhat mediocre. It's the sacrifice you make in most (always exceptions to the rule always exist) relationships of 3-5+ years. Unless, of course, you go the open route. Then you dont have that issue.
Is the sex bad because you like it different ways? If not, then communication can go a long way. Talk to her about why the sex isn't great for you. Good chance are feels the same vibe.
Given that looks and sex decline over time, if you aren't going to date open, I think that's the tradeoff you make for the benefits of a great long term partner. Is it worth it? Depends on you personally.
You could also search for someone who checks ALL the boxes strongly...but that can be very, very hard to find.
more like impossible. you will never find anyone who checks all your boxes. if you think you can then you are deluding yourself. learn to be happy with what you got, and if it still isnt enough then too bad. the perfect woman/man doesnt exist
Well, I guess you can find that. You just have to stop yourself from making new boxes to check once you find someone. Or change those boxes. With the internet there is like a limitless supply. If you have the time and dedication
On August 01 2019 12:55 TheFish7 wrote: OK so here's my current situation. She's a genuinely excellent person, she's intelligent, kind, funny, has a great personality. We get along really well and have a lot of common interests like reading and golf. She's also doing great work - she's a govt prosecutor who goes after elder and child abusers.
Now here's the downside, I find her to be only moderately physically attractive, and the sex is like mediocre, at least for me. I'm grappling with whether or not to continue it. Usually I have the opposite problem, I'll be with someone who is great in bed or hot but our personalities just don't mesh. This is a new thing for me. Am I becoming older and more mature that I want to continue with her? Or am I just lying to myself about the nature of our relationship because we get along so well.
Honestly...most relationships will eventually move to the point where the sex is fairly low frequency and somewhat mediocre. It's the sacrifice you make in most (always exceptions to the rule always exist) relationships of 3-5+ years. Unless, of course, you go the open route. Then you dont have that issue.
Is the sex bad because you like it different ways? If not, then communication can go a long way. Talk to her about why the sex isn't great for you. Good chance are feels the same vibe.
Given that looks and sex decline over time, if you aren't going to date open, I think that's the tradeoff you make for the benefits of a great long term partner. Is it worth it? Depends on you personally.
You could also search for someone who checks ALL the boxes strongly...but that can be very, very hard to find.
more like impossible. you will never find anyone who checks all your boxes. if you think you can then you are deluding yourself. learn to be happy with what you got, and if it still isnt enough then too bad. the perfect woman/man doesnt exist
Yea I'm going to agree with the guy above me. I think your statement to too broad, and will dependably wildly on your boxes.
For instance, if someone's boxes are doesnt want kids, low drama, cute, likes video games...and that's all the primary stuff then its definitely possible to find someone like that.
If you mean finding a woman who matches every possible minutia of preference you could have for dating someone, then yea I'd agree with you it's impossible. Finding someone who checks 4-10 key boxes though is certainly possible.
Right now for instance the woman I'm in a relationship with checks most of mine:
- Low drama: we've been dating about a year and a half and haven't had a fight, raised our voices, yelled, or anything like that.
- Warm/Kind Personality: so far, couldn't ask for more.
- attractive: Probably the closest I've come to compromise. She is cute, but not like crazy hot
- Rational/Logical: I relate best with people that can think in that manner. She easily does better than 90% or more of women in that department.
- Not religious.
- Similar views on parenting and where we want our lives to end up in 10 or 20 years. Obviously, some differences, but most of the key things line up.
- Health Mindset: This is the one questionable box. She doesnt eat great (lean, but does so by eating very little food) and isn't big on exercise...although she shows signs of being genuinely interested in both. Where this stands in 2 or 3 years could have a big impact on the extent to which I see a future with her.
So...overall, that's pretty good in my book. Obviously there are more minor personality or interest differences, but in terms of important, key things it's pretty damn good.
EPT
