EPTOn April 29 2019 04:31 GoTuNk! wrote:
this seems super weird. Did sex stop when grampa died or before hand?
this seems super weird. Did sex stop when grampa died or before hand?
This post out of context...
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 1048
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
Excludos
Norway8222 Posts
This post out of context... | ||
|
evilfatsh1t
Australia8778 Posts
HAHAH i was just thinking "wtf is going on here" | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On April 28 2019 03:29 Hachiman wrote: We did talk about it slightly, but it seems like everytime I follow her advice on initiating what she wants changes or she suddenly needs to go the bathroom or she remembers a story that she wanted to tell me. I would talk about it more than slightly, but in a friendly way. Tell her it's important to you, and she if she knows why she is not interested. However, there is a high chance she will NOT know why. Women, in my experience, have to be in the right emotional mind set to get horny and want sex. If she is really troubled by losing someone, which is obviously very believable and likely, she might just not be in the mood for sex. She doesn't want to tell you "no", because it doesn't feel good, she knows it might make you upset, and she doesn't understand it herself. So she redirects with other things, hoping you will stop. I'm glad you're not going to beg for sex. Not only will it turn her off big time, it will damage the relationship. I think the best attitude you can adopt right now is to accept you might be going through a dry spell. Give her support, warmth, love, affection. Hold her, kiss her, be intimate. Just don't escalate, or do so VERY gently, and only go forward if she clearly responds in a way that is receptive. Let her escalate your touch if she wants to push it forward. In general though, the sex frequency thing is always going to be an issue. It will decline further with time unless you are an extreme exception to the rule. 3x-4x a week is not something in the cards for you barring a miracle. The 90% outcome is that sex will eventually drop to 1x a week or even a bit less. | ||
|
Harris1st
Germany7017 Posts
Dry spells of 1-3 month is nothing unheard of, specially with some life changing stuff (death) going on and you might just have to put through. You could try to re-spark some with romantic dates and stuff of how it all began, how you first got to know each other and retrace your steps from there. See how it pans out | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On April 30 2019 17:57 Harris1st wrote: I recall somewhere in this thread a linked studies that show women lose attraction to their husbands / boyfriends over the years. But 2 years would be on the very low end, so it's unlikely. Dry spells of 1-3 month is nothing unheard of, specially with some life changing stuff (death) going on and you might just have to put through. You could try to re-spark some with romantic dates and stuff of how it all began, how you first got to know each other and retrace your steps from there. See how it pans out Yes, this is generally true. Lots of discussion right now about what extent of this is a result of relationship management type things and what extent it's biologically hard wired. Two years is early for that though, yes. 3-4, sometimes not till 7+ is more common. Beyond that though, it just kind of makes sense. When you're new and first seeing each other your physical attraction and newness factor for each other are off the charts. The sex get's better as you move along in time (hopefully), but it also loses it's initial novelty and lust, and eventually does reach a baseline level of routines. It can still be very good, but many things will feel familiar. In general, this will result in a decrease in sex frequency over time. *Some* relationships maintain a consistent level of sex over the long term. Usually, most of these cases involve high sex drive women, the type of women who really need sex several times a week lest they start to crave it biologically in a big way. Most of the other cases usually fall in frequency of sex. I don't know of many relationships where people 10 years in are having the same sex frequency they did in the first 3 months of their marriage. You can work on your sex, you can work on other aspects of your relationship to make things better and be a better partner, etc. and this will help, but generally it's not going to change someone from a low/moderate sex drive person who is okay with sex 2-4x per month or less into someone that wants it 3x per week. If that's a dealbreaker for you personally....something to be aware of. | ||
|
slide9595
3 Posts
User was banned for this post. | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On May 04 2019 03:40 slide9595 wrote: Maybe some people find their life purpose in having sex with a lot of women. Theoretically there is nothing wrong about that. But I can't understand it either. Uhm...okay? I don't think anyone was discussing that. But yes, I agree. Do what you want, as long as you aren't being misleading or dishonest to get what you want. | ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
So what are everyone up to? Who of the are still actively dating? Who are in relationships? What are your future plans regarding dating/relationship? Discovered something groundbreaking? | ||
|
evilfatsh1t
Australia8778 Posts
| ||
|
riotjune
United States3394 Posts
| ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On May 05 2019 18:42 evilfatsh1t wrote: the area around my dick is getting cobwebs now. pretty self explanatory how my dating life is going Too busy? Or something else throwing your dating life off? | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On May 05 2019 17:22 bloodwhore~ wrote: Lets get a conversation going! So what are everyone up to? Who of the are still actively dating? Who are in relationships? What are your future plans regarding dating/relationship? Discovered something groundbreaking? t's been going well, one girl I had started seeing about 9 months ago continued to impress me with many of the things I was looking for and she is obviously quite into me as well. So after about 6 months of seeing almost everything I liked, and very rare, small instances of things I don't like I decided to up the ante when she finally insisted on knowing what we were and said that yes, we are dating. So I guess I have a GF now! Haven't had any drama from her, I'm not even sure if there has been a single 5 second instance, let alone anything that would resemble an actual confrontation. The intimacy we have is excellent, it's a very relaxing thing just being there with a person who you like and has affection for you, and the sex (my gradually recovering dick issues excluded) is quite good, as is the frequency. If anything I think she wants it slightly more than me...which is kinda surprising at this stage given that maybe 1 in 5 times is actual sex. Very warm, very affectionate, just good feminine energy. She is fairly outgoing, but was very shy and closed up about communicating important things at first, but I basically told her that is a must for me, and she is getting much better about that. Really concerned about that initially, but now I'm getting to where I feel pretty confident she is communicating with me about things she does/doesn't like in our relationship, and is struggling with or important to her life. I think the next thing to see is how this continues as we move into more of a relationship and less of a "see each other once a week for a night or less" type of thing. So yea, so far checking most of my personal boxes: - Affectionate/Warm/Caring - No/Very Low Drama - Communication - Commitment to Making a Relationship Work (we talked about this and she agreed with, or expressed, similar sentiment on many things) - Not religious So overall in my mind lots of like. My one big concern right now is in terms of commonalities and interests. For me I have this idea in my mind of a partner who engages with me, and while she might not be as into my hobbies as me, takes an interest in them and participates in them sometimes and wants to learn about them. I can't say for sure if this would be a "dealbreaker" but it feels like it probably would. She isn't resistant to this, in fact she has shown openness to some of this (she has beaten the first terran campaign in BW ) but she isn't highly enthusiastic about it like I am in learning about some of the things she really enjoys. So that might depend on how it develops down the road. Also, while she is at a healthy body weight, I can't say she eats that well and she definitely is a low exercise person. Not sedentary, she will hike occasionally and such things, but she definitely does not "exercise". That's something I feel like will be important in a long term partner for me, both because I place a huge value on that, and because if you aren't food conscious/don't exercise there is zero chance in my mind long term you won't gain lots of weight. Like above though, she is at the very least not opposed to the idea of doing some exercise with me. I'm not going to expect change, but given what I see I don't see it as a lost cause. Overall though, really enjoying getting to know her, and I think at the very least the next year or two with her will be very enjoyable with the potential of possibly being someone I could consider truly long term. | ||
|
TaylorG
Canada9 Posts
Reading this though i feel like a lot of people are just going around asking girls and if they get rejected so what.. you do know girls can sense a desperate guy 10 miles away? IMO dont go talking with every girl thinking you're going to marry her which is what i see a lot of guys do.... being friends isnt bad thing...ease slowly the right girls who are interested in you will come to you. (which will always lead to the longer/better relationships) the truth is girls don't know what they want in terms of a guy.. big/small/athletic.. First- get the fuck off tinder/pof . These apps are for PEOPLE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Second- Go to the club and dance alone. youll be surprised who will come dance with you. Third- girls you work with dont get involved.. go in with a friend mindset.. they will invite you out to meet there friends.. Fourth- Be yourself and dont try so hard.... faking who you are will always be exposed. in-time (look at ted bundy)  Anyways guys if you want my 1 Cent on anything feel free to message. | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On May 06 2019 22:23 TaylorG wrote: First- get the fuck off tinder/pof . These apps are for PEOPLE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Some girls are. Many aren't. Dating websites are perfectly fine place to meet people. Not all of them are looking for attention. Second- Go to the club and dance alone. youll be surprised who will come dance with you. If you have rhythm, and look decent...sure. If not, like me, bad idea. Third- girls you work with dont get involved.. go in with a friend mindset.. they will invite you out to meet there friends.. I agree, unless you're completely okay with quitting that job and moving to another if things get complicated (they usually will) Fourth- Be yourself and dont try so hard.... faking who you are will always be exposed. in-time (look at ted bundy) Be yourself depends on what you mean. If you're personality is unattractive, you need to work on yourself. Agree on not trying to hard. People can usually sense that, and it's rarely a good look. | ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
First- get the fuck off tinder/pof . These apps are for PEOPLE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Second- Go to the club and dance alone. youll be surprised who will come dance with you. There are all kinds of people on tinder. Saying that they are just looking for attention means you can't date 80% of the female singles. I don't want to attract girls at the club. I hate the club. I'd assume most people on this site are not that big fans either. | ||
|
JimmiC
Canada22817 Posts
| ||
|
love2d
40 Posts
Couldn't agree more. I made that mistake once. Dated an intern at the company I worked at. Went great for a year or two, then the very day she got promoted above me (she was just way better at our job than I was) she lost all interest. Normally, that would be no big deal, but when you still got to work together, it takes two very mature people not to mind that. | ||
|
LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
Failing “being able to be an adult about it,” the “no dating coworkers” rule is probably worth it. Can’t say I haven’t bungled it before, though I must admit it involved holding grudges for longer than I should have. But honestly, after some point you don’t exactly have the luxury of picking where you get to meet people you like enough to date, because there’s already so few people you actually like enough for that. Take what you can get. | ||
|
ZerOCoolSC2
9008 Posts
About the bar/club scene thing. I usually go to clubs only for the atmosphere and not to pick up women. It happens on occasion, but it isn't why I'm there. If I go to the bar, then I leave that door open for sure. I find women at bars are there to drink, socialize little, and just relax without the pressure a club brings with it. I've had success in both instances, but the bar is by far the better place (at least here in the states. Clubs overseas are the better bet). | ||
|
L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On May 27 2019 23:04 LegalLord wrote: Ideally two people in the workplace can be mature adults about it all, in which case it generally isn’t a problem. I’ve certainly seen it go badly plenty of times. To be honest, though, I would have to say I’ve seen it not go badly significantly more often, and I know a fair few couples at work who got married throughout the time that they were both my coworkers. Failing “being able to be an adult about it,” the “no dating coworkers” rule is probably worth it. Can’t say I haven’t bungled it before, though I must admit it involved holding grudges for longer than I should have. But honestly, after some point you don’t exactly have the luxury of picking where you get to meet people you like enough to date, because there’s already so few people you actually like enough for that. Take what you can get. You absolutely do now in the modern era with dating apps. I would argue you still do even without it, because you can still meet people at almost all of the usual places, but with dating apps that's just blown out of the water. | ||
| ||
