EPTHumans used to live in large-ish unsegregated-ish communities and newborns/toddlers/whatever kind of young human would be taken care of by a group of people, not just one or two parents for a few months/years. I guess the typical child crying when parents leave it at kindergarten for the day bit is because the child wasn't socialized enough to understand that, "hey, these are my peers, I'm gonna be fine". Luckily it mostly takes just a few hours to understand that anyway after the initial abandonment shock because we're intelligent species.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 1046
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4729 Posts
Humans used to live in large-ish unsegregated-ish communities and newborns/toddlers/whatever kind of young human would be taken care of by a group of people, not just one or two parents for a few months/years. I guess the typical child crying when parents leave it at kindergarten for the day bit is because the child wasn't socialized enough to understand that, "hey, these are my peers, I'm gonna be fine". Luckily it mostly takes just a few hours to understand that anyway after the initial abandonment shock because we're intelligent species. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
And how many grains of salt we should take that with. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
i could bring other examples apart from age but this isnt the right place to do so | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16669 Posts
So I just figured what I was experiencing is what has always gone on. Well, men aged 30 to 35 might actually have a greater pool of available women to them because men aged 20 to 29 are not replacing them as they did in past generations. So men aged 30 to 35 might actually have it better than what happened in past decades. Men aged 30 to 35 now have more access to women aged 20 to 29 than in the past because young men are being left behind. Men 20 to 29 .. less employed ... no money.. and living with their parents. Here is a video covering this trend. The narrator in this video recommends young men start "taking responsibility" in trying to improve their plight. He recommends Jordan Peterson. I find Peterson rather quite inflammatory. I recommend checking out a book by Nathaniel Branden written in 1998 entitled : "Taking Responsibility". Books alone won't get it done though.... ultimately its up to the person themselves to execute and commit to the very hard work required to develop themselves. | ||
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BerserkSword
United States2123 Posts
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16669 Posts
On March 31 2019 19:08 BerserkSword wrote: In general, daycare at an early age is inferior to parental care. Numerous studies support the importance of parental care (or an equivalent, ie, not a daycare) in these vital early years. Meanwhile, the literature is equivocal at best on daycare vs parent/family care, with much of the literature suggesting that daycares are generally inferior. ... ... or you can just ask your local pediatrician I think "over parenting" is becoming a problem. I'd say Utah's "free range parenting law"is a step in the right direction. Children and teeanagers need ample time with zero adult interference. In today's "if you see something ... say something" super-snitch culture ... it leads to moral dependency. a little bit of "the referee has put the whistle in his pocket and he is going to let the players settle this on the ice" ... does a world of good. On April 01 2019 08:56 BerserkSword wrote: sounds about right. women usually prefer men who have their shit together true, the point made in the video and in the study is that men aged 20 to 29 have "their shit together" a lot less than they did in the past. As a result, they ain't getting any. So it makes women aged 20 to 29 more available for guys aged 30 to 35 than in past decades. | ||
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Zambrah
United States7276 Posts
So, question, is there a way to vehemently convey to someone to FUCK RIGHT OFF loudly, directly, and without upsetting any future dates? As a note, this person is daft and eastern europe and has a very large ego, so subtlety is off the table. I've tried. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8633 Posts
On April 01 2019 23:55 Zambrah wrote: Funny story, I was going to this date with this cute girl I met at a bar, and my coworker is like, "Oh, sure I'm going to Xintiandi, too." and we go there together, she asks, "what are you gonna do there," and I say, "I'm going on a date with a girl I met at the bar I like," and then we get there and she tags along for the fucking date the whole fucking time and basically ruins my fucking date. So, question, is there a way to vehemently convey to someone to FUCK RIGHT OFF loudly, directly, and without upsetting any future dates? As a note, this person is daft and eastern europe and has a very large ego, so subtlety is off the table. I've tried. pull her aside and just give it to her straight? "youre fking up my date. cya at work tomorrow kthxbye" | ||
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Zambrah
United States7276 Posts
On April 02 2019 00:00 evilfatsh1t wrote: pull her aside and just give it to her straight? "youre fking up my date. cya at work tomorrow kthxbye" My problem with her is I've had other situations where Ive pulled her aside and gone, "Look, Im in a shitty mood right now and this very specific thing that youre doing to interact with me is pissing me off. Stop it." And she just basically seems to think its a joke and then I have to yell, "PLEASE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW." because evidently I have no in between for "please stop" and "FUCK OFF IMMEDIATELY." Basically, she doesnt respond to/take seriously anything I say that isnt done with anger. Fuck, maybe I should just not talk to her about anything in my personal life. Just lie and pretend to go home whenever I go out after work. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 01 2019 23:55 Zambrah wrote: Funny story, I was going to this date with this cute girl I met at a bar, and my coworker is like, "Oh, sure I'm going to Xintiandi, too." and we go there together, she asks, "what are you gonna do there," and I say, "I'm going on a date with a girl I met at the bar I like," and then we get there and she tags along for the fucking date the whole fucking time and basically ruins my fucking date. So, question, is there a way to vehemently convey to someone to FUCK RIGHT OFF loudly, directly, and without upsetting any future dates? As a note, this person is daft and eastern europe and has a very large ego, so subtlety is off the table. I've tried. Yes it's super easy. Just don't invite the person. If she says "oh, im going there as well", and since she already ruined a date for you, tell her that you don't want to talk with her when you're there. If she still does, cut her off completely, don't have people who can't respect your personal space. In this case where you didn't know she would go crazy, you can say something like. "I'm on a date  . We can talk tomorrow, have a good one." then walk away with your date. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
It's been going well, one girl I had started seeing about 7 months ago continued to impress me with many of the things I was looking for and she is obviously quite into me as well. So after about 6 months of seeing almost everything I liked, and very rare, small instances of things I don't like I decided to up the ante when she finally insisted on knowing what we were and said that yes, we are dating. So I guess I have a GF now! Overall I haven't had any drama from her, I'm not even sure if there has been a single 5 second instance, let alone anything that would resemble an actual confrontation. The intimacy we have is excellent, it's a very relaxing thing just being there with a person who you like and has affection for you, and the sex (my gradually recovering dick issues excluded) is quite good, as is the frequency. If anything I think she wants it slightly more than me...which is kinda surprising at this stage given that maybe 1 in 5 times is actual sex. Very warm, very affectionate, just good feminine energy. She is fairly outgoing, but was very shy and closed up at first about communicating important things at first, but I basically told her that is a must for me, and she is getting much better about that. I was really concerned about that initially, but now I'm getting to where I feel pretty confident she is communicating with me about things she does/doesn't like in our relationship, and is struggling with or important to her life. I think the next thing to see is how this continues as we move into more of a relationship and less of a "see each other once a week for a night or less" type of thing. So yea, so far checking most of my personal boxes: - Affectionate/Warm/Caring - No/Very Low Drama - Communication - Commitment to Making a Relationship Work (we talked about this and she agreed with, or expressed, similar sentiment on many things) - In Shape - Not religious So overall in my mind lots of like. My one big concern right now is in terms of commonalities and interests. For me I have this idea in my mind of a partner who engages with me, and while she might not be as into my hobbies as me, takes an interest in them and participates in them sometimes and wants to learn about them. I can't say for sure if this would be a "dealbreaker" but it feels like it probably would. She isn't resistant to this, in fact she has shown openness to some of this (she has beaten the first terran campaign in BW ) but she isn't highly enthusiastic about it like I am in learning about some of the things she really enjoys. So that might depend on how it develops down the road. Also, while she is at a healthy body weight, I can't say she eats that well and she definitely is a low exercise person. Not sedentary, she will hike occasionally and such things, but she definitely does not "exercise". That's something I feel like will be important in a long term partner for me, both because I place a huge value on that, and because if you aren't food conscious/don't exercise there is zero chance in my mind long term you won't gain lots of weight. Like above though, she is at the very least not opposed to the idea of doing some exercise with me. I'm not going to expect change, but given what I see I don't see it as a lost cause. Overall though, really enjoying getting to know her, and I think at the very least the next year or two with her will be very enjoyable with the potential of possibly being someone I could consider truly long term. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On April 02 2019 00:12 Zambrah wrote: My problem with her is I've had other situations where Ive pulled her aside and gone, "Look, Im in a shitty mood right now and this very specific thing that youre doing to interact with me is pissing me off. Stop it." And she just basically seems to think its a joke and then I have to yell, "PLEASE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW." because evidently I have no in between for "please stop" and "FUCK OFF IMMEDIATELY." Basically, she doesnt respond to/take seriously anything I say that isnt done with anger. Fuck, maybe I should just not talk to her about anything in my personal life. Just lie and pretend to go home whenever I go out after work. Yelling is never the answer. If she does that, you explain gently to her that you don't enjoy hanging around someone when they act that way. That's it. If she cares enough to change her behavior, great! If not, you stop hanging out with her. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 04 2019 11:00 L_Master wrote: Well, haven't posted much due to being rather busy IRL with school, cycling, unfucking my anxiety, unfucking my eating, dating, etc. It's been going well, one girl I had started seeing about 7 months ago continued to impress me with many of the things I was looking for and she is obviously quite into me as well. So after about 6 months of seeing almost everything I liked, and very rare, small instances of things I don't like I decided to up the ante when she finally insisted on knowing what we were and said that yes, we are dating. So I guess I have a GF now! Overall I haven't had any drama from her, I'm not even sure if there has been a single 5 second instance, let alone anything that would resemble an actual confrontation. The intimacy we have is excellent, it's a very relaxing thing just being there with a person who you like and has affection for you, and the sex (my gradually recovering dick issues excluded) is quite good, as is the frequency. If anything I think she wants it slightly more than me...which is kinda surprising at this stage given that maybe 1 in 5 times is actual sex. Very warm, very affectionate, just good feminine energy. She is fairly outgoing, but was very shy and closed up at first about communicating important things at first, but I basically told her that is a must for me, and she is getting much better about that. I was really concerned about that initially, but now I'm getting to where I feel pretty confident she is communicating with me about things she does/doesn't like in our relationship, and is struggling with or important to her life. I think the next thing to see is how this continues as we move into more of a relationship and less of a "see each other once a week for a night or less" type of thing. So yea, so far checking most of my personal boxes: - Affectionate/Warm/Caring - No/Very Low Drama - Communication - Commitment to Making a Relationship Work (we talked about this and she agreed with, or expressed, similar sentiment on many things) - In Shape - Not religious So overall in my mind lots of like. My one big concern right now is in terms of commonalities and interests. For me I have this idea in my mind of a partner who engages with me, and while she might not be as into my hobbies as me, takes an interest in them and participates in them sometimes and wants to learn about them. I can't say for sure if this would be a "dealbreaker" but it feels like it probably would. She isn't resistant to this, in fact she has shown openness to some of this (she has beaten the first terran campaign in BW ) but she isn't highly enthusiastic about it like I am in learning about some of the things she really enjoys. So that might depend on how it develops down the road. Also, while she is at a healthy body weight, I can't say she eats that well and she definitely is a low exercise person. Not sedentary, she will hike occasionally and such things, but she definitely does not "exercise". That's something I feel like will be important in a long term partner for me, both because I place a huge value on that, and because if you aren't food conscious/don't exercise there is zero chance in my mind long term you won't gain lots of weight. Like above though, she is at the very least not opposed to the idea of doing some exercise with me. I'm not going to expect change, but given what I see I don't see it as a lost cause. Overall though, really enjoying getting to know her, and I think at the very least the next year or two with her will be very enjoyable with the potential of possibly being someone I could consider truly long term. Congrats on the relationship. More important than common hobbies, common values! which you seem to have. Def push the "more workout thing" and not the "more broodwar thing" lol. It's ok to have a few complete separate hobbies, I'm sure you are not into make up or wathever else she might do with her lady friends. I tell my gf when I'm watching brood war but I leave it for my "me" time to watch; this comes from someone who spends 6-8 hours a day with hir gf most days. The fact that she seems open to new things shows both she cares about you and is a bit more open minded, in the good sense, than most people. My 2 cents! | ||
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Emnjay808
United States10655 Posts
I guess what I’m asking is how am I able to get outta this “slump” feeling—if anyone can relate to this? | ||
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farvacola
United States18822 Posts
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On April 04 2019 22:54 Emnjay808 wrote: I’m having serious confidence issues right now. I’m getting strong signals but I can’t act on them because I just feel so insecure with myself. I’m really feeling a slump lately, I’m so absorbed in work and other things that I feel I lost my edge and confidence in talking to new people. I feel like I go up and down in my confidence level and right now I’m at the lowest I’ve been at for years. I guess what I’m asking is how am I able to get outta this “slump” feeling—if anyone can relate to this? You need to decide why you're so insecure about yourself. If it's legit, work on those issues, while reframing in your mind as someone who has a weakness or two headed in a good direction. If it's not legit, then it's all just reframing and fixing mental attitudes. | ||
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Wineandbread
United States2065 Posts
On April 02 2019 00:12 Zambrah wrote: My problem with her is I've had other situations where Ive pulled her aside and gone, "Look, Im in a shitty mood right now and this very specific thing that youre doing to interact with me is pissing me off. Stop it." And she just basically seems to think its a joke and then I have to yell, "PLEASE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW." because evidently I have no in between for "please stop" and "FUCK OFF IMMEDIATELY." Basically, she doesnt respond to/take seriously anything I say that isnt done with anger. Fuck, maybe I should just not talk to her about anything in my personal life. Just lie and pretend to go home whenever I go out after work. This seems pretty weird to me. If she's sabotaging your dates, perhaps she's into you or something? haha If you lie to her and you end up at the same bar though, she might approach you anyway. With increased tension. For me, I'd try to find an in-between. Tell her before the date not to interrupt you, straight up. Say you're being serious/not joking around. If she still doesn't respect your request, just stop her from coming with you or maybe try some other places? | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16669 Posts
On April 04 2019 22:54 Emnjay808 wrote: I’m having serious confidence issues right now. I’m getting strong signals but I can’t act on them because I just feel so insecure with myself. I’m really feeling a slump lately, I’m so absorbed in work and other things that I feel I lost my edge and confidence in talking to new people. I feel like I go up and down in my confidence level and right now I’m at the lowest I’ve been at for years. I guess what I’m asking is how am I able to get outta this “slump” feeling—if anyone can relate to this? Engage in basic self esteem building. The most primal form of this for men ... is a strenuous but simple strength and power lifting exercise regimen. Find a very basic starter program and progressively increase its difficulty. The program I recommend is not designed to make you the strongest human being on earth. Its designed to strengthen both your mind and your body. https://stronglifts.com/5x5/ if you commit to this program, measure your progress and set future goals... your confidence will rise over a number of months. Being willing to invest in yourself via an exercise program implies you , yourself are worth the effort.. This will increase your self-respect. Self-Confidence + Self-Respect = Self Esteem There are more subtle ways to build your self esteem that require more time and self reflection. I'm providing a very primal and basic starter tactic. | ||
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