One-Line Confessions - Page 181

This summer, I was trying to merge onto an intersection, but I couldn't, so I stopped the car.

The car behind me stopped as well. Then the car behind that one rammed into the car behind me. By some miracle, my car was not hit, but the car in the second position went flying 50 feet in front of me.

Instinctively, the first thing I did was turn off my car, I put it to park, emergency brake, and then, leaving the car keys inside, checked for a car that might hit my door if I got out and ran up to the car that got hit. I was so afraid that the person was dead or injured. His car was totaled. He was conscious. I saw him and asked him if he was ok. He said to me "do you have a license?" I said yes. He says, "that's great because I don't".

Then he just drove off. At this point the woman in the third position, the one who crashed into his car ran up. She was tearing up. I... I couldn't know what to say. I'd ruined someone's life, that of an illegal who probably didn't have much money to begin with... and all because I was arrogant... and I wanted to take the challenge of driving to pick up my dad.

The woman's car was totaled as well. She just kept saying
"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"
and I replied
"No it's my fault, I shouldn't have stopped."
I tried my best to console her.
She replies
"I didn't need this... there's so much stuff happening... and I'd"
She told me how she'd recently graduated college and just been turned down from another job that morning.I wanted to ask her what major she was in, but realized that it would not be an appropriate question.

Her car was totaled, and she called someone, presumably a boyfriend to tell him that the insurance would not cover it. I felt like I ruined her life that day. Had I been a better driver, I could have merged properly, and then I could have gone on without crashing. Had I been more reasonable, I'd have declined driving harder.

The man behind me may not have had a formal education driving. And the woman may have been preocupied with looking back and therefore did not realize that the cars in front of her were stopping. However ultimately, had I been more careful, the whole incident could have been averted.

When the police came and told me that I didn't have to be there, because I hadn't gotten hit and I was in front. I told them it was partially my fault, I felt so sorry for that woman. I hope she has accident forgiveness (rate + 20-40% otherwise, half a month of her salary gone). I told her that things would be alright, and she responded "I know", all the while thanking me for staying there. I had thought that I was supposed to be there.



It wasn't just that I'd cost the man potentially over his monthly salary in repairs. I could have killed someone. I don't think about the incident on a regular basis anymore, but...

I was also disappointed in myself, what I instinctively thought about. After the accident, perhaps the first thing I thought about was how much my parents would yell at me. When I saw the man and he asked me if I was the one who crashed into him, I told him I wasn't, and tried to put the blame on the person behind him. I feared that he would ask for my license as soon as I found out he didn't sustain injuries.

I can't do this anymore. I can't drive under dangerous circumstances... and I won't go on a highway again until after getting some professional training.

The weird thing is, I sit worrying about it and getting anxious but then always promise myself I'll start tomorrow after I've relaxed. I then stay up all nite and download shit films, wade thru old TL threads, watch streams, check facebook and other such usless things to just waste my time. My sleep pattern is also now totally inverted, I wake up at 9pm and go to sleep in the middle of the day.

I'm sat here thinking of excuses to my friends and family as to why I'm going to have retake the year after I do badly while also planning out how I can do better next time... Why can't I just force myself to go do some work right now and avoid any of that?!!?!?