EPTcheer up man could be worse.
you could have tons of kitty pron on your comp O_O
i'm a fuck up... - Page 3
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ZeeTemplar
United States557 Posts
cheer up man could be worse. you could have tons of kitty pron on your comp O_O | ||
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On August 09 2009 10:58 Salv wrote: If you have a place to stay and you think it's bad enough that you should move out, do it. I would imagine your parents would feel guilty and want you back, offering to lighten up in return for you returning home. At the very least it would show your parents you are serious about this. That being said, I don't see a restaurant giving you a 2-4 hour shift from 3-5 or 3-7, that's a restaurants slow period. I think the fact is that if you moved you, you would need to work six hours or so two or three days a week, possibly thursday and friday, and weekends. You would probably have just as leisure time as you do now, but now with labour. The tradeoff is that you show your parents that you are serious. Which I don't think you are. no im not serious about moving out cuz i'm just so close to college, which means they lend me money without interest. | ||
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Ancestral
United States3230 Posts
My parents pushed me a lot, but now that they don't I have a 3.1 GPA in college. Yeah it still sucks but I am have severe focus problems. I'm still actually doing homework every now and then. I think your should work hard but their methods are preposterous. Your best bet is to find studies that show the superiority of other methods. If they deny science then all of their methods are moot. Also, what Moltke said. | ||
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Slaughter
United States20254 Posts
 I had basically the same stats as you and I didn't do jack in HS or study for the ACT at all. Your parents are Nazi level in their strictness.... Very sorry for your situation. Lol though at your "I have a 3.6 gpa, and i scored 26 on my ACT's i'm not going to lie. But that is HORRIBLE for an asian kid." You just sterotyped your own race :O Just because your asian doesn't mean you are godly at school. No "race" has any advantage over any other in anything. Asians being good at school is mostly due to kids in your situation who have parents who push the fuck out of them.Parents sometimes just think that bulk studying leads to good grades when simply some people aren't built for that type of studying and need a more relaxed routine. Athletics and other activities help because then your mind gets to rest and focus on something else so when you do study you haven't done it all day and you can actually focus on it unlike if you had been doing it for the entire day. | ||
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Poriyan1
United States54 Posts
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SingletonWilliam
United States664 Posts
I'm completely serious. Edit: ok I wasn't so serious. The way I handled dealing with the problems I had with my mother was to leave the house. She was an alcoholic for years and when I got to my senior year in HS I really had enough of it so I moved out. I have good friends so I would spend a few weeks at a time at someone's house then move on. I quit my senior year of wrestling because I just didn't want to deal with it but it was worth it. I spent like 1 1/4 months with friends and then 3/4ths of a month on my own in a house that wasn't being used. I spent a lot of my own money paying for food in this time though. Our situations are a lot different though so my solution probably won't work for you, but you should do something. My mom just got her 6th month chip from AA a little while ago though. | ||
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stroggos
New Zealand1543 Posts
On August 09 2009 12:00 SingletonWilliam wrote: Join the marines, that'll show them. I'm completely serious. this lol, | ||
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FragKrag
United States11552 Posts
I have no idea how why it is that you have to pay your parents back for uni tuition. Even at no-interest it is barely better than simply getting loans :/ you aren't the fuckup dude, it's your parents who are the fuckups. | ||
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Phrujbaz
Netherlands512 Posts
If you are going to stand up to your parents, however, you have to be dead serious and make it clear to them that you are perfectly willing to live on the streets (and never talk to them again) rather than live a life like the one they are making you live. If you are not serious enough, you're just going to make your own life miserable as most controlling parents will not shy away from any coercive method if they think it's going to get you back in line. | ||
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dcberkeley
Canada844 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + Unless they keep bossing you around until you're 30 LOL | ||
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chongu
Malaysia2585 Posts
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gamecrazy
United States421 Posts
On August 09 2009 12:08 Phrujbaz wrote: Honestly I would refuse to study at all under such conditions, and in fact I did. Children are not slaves, their lives do not belong to their parents. If you are going to stand up to your parents, however, you have to be dead serious and make it clear to them that you are perfectly willing to live on the streets (and never talk to them again) rather than live a life like the one they are making you live. If you are not serious enough, you're just going to make your own life miserable as most controlling parents will not shy away from any coercive method if they think it's going to get you back in line. That is so true. I'd like to chip in and say that you should indeed be serious. My asian parents were like this from elementary to junior high. But, after 9th grade and a 3.3 GPA, I was sick and tired of that pushing and studying business. They pushed me to play piano, play tennis, and study my textbooks before class every day. If I refused, I received a harsh scolding for a few hours, which is probably a bit better than getting beaten D: I finally got them to stop it when I directly said, "No, I won't do any more studying, and if you take anything away from me, then I will do nothing." I was dead serious. And oddly enough, my parents agreed to back off. From 10th grade year, I got a 4.0 without them on my ass. I'm not sure if this would work for you, since some Asian parents don't fold as easily as others. Even if you do have to put up with their abuse, wait for college man. It's just one year. You can make it. And after that, Asian parents = interest free college loan GL HF | ||
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stroggos
New Zealand1543 Posts
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tree.hugger
Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
It's easy to be skeptical of stories like this, especially when kids our age are fighting wars across Sudan, Congo, and other miserable places throughout the world. But that approach ignores the fact that there are comparatively small issues that exist in our world that are solvable. If we can't deal with problems like yours, we can't hope to fix larger issues. I think you need to accept certain facts; 1) You have a right to live your life as you wish. 2) Your parents want the best for you. 3) Doing nothing is not a option. 4) Leaving the house is not an option. 5) You are not. NOT. A "fuck up". *** To suggest that you should just wait for college is a terrible suggestion. It totally ignores the first fact; you are, in essence submitting yourself to somebody else's will. This will have countless repercussions in the future. If you do nothing, you will leave your house with a totally unsustainable relationship with your parents. You will never have learned to communicate when you had the chance, and as such you will have exponentially greater difficulty doing so in the future. If you do not act now, the chances are extremely high that you will have a more dangerous falling out with them in the future. Prolonging conflict will only make the ending result more dangerous. You will also do yourself a disservice by stunting your social development. You will undoubtedly find it harder to make and keep friends, and the right friends once out of your house, because you have been prevented from learning this skill during High School. You will not learn how to talk to girls, you will not learn how to talk to guys, you will not learn how to deal with social cues, and differing social situations. Learning this on the fly, in college (of all places) is a poor alternative. Doing nothing is not an option. So what should you do? Look, this is going to be a "Ask __" answer straight out of the newspaper, but a reason it might be familiar to you is because it's true. You need to communicate with your parents. It's the only way. But you can't rush into it. You need to think of what you're going to say. You need to practice saying it. This is important, try a mirror. Try a webcam. There are people who would help you do this. -You need to tell your parents, clearly, concisely, in a firm but reasonable manner, that you would like to take control of your own life. You need to acknowledge that they are doing their best for you. You must tell them that you will still do your work, that you will not lose your concentration for college. But you need to explain that you are feeling depressed (you are, check the title of your post) and you are feeling angry because of the pressure they put on you. You must tell them that you have a right to have friends, and you have a right to take time off and enjoy yourself. And finally, you must explain to them, that the reason you are doing this because you want to be able to communicate openly and freely with them. This is crucial. You must open up a dialogue. A dialogue goes two ways. - This won't be easy. I know that I don't know your parents. But I do know that if you state your case passionately and determinedly, your parents will come around. If they want the best for you, they will listen. What you've said about your dad is troubling. That's abuse, my friend, and in most states (if not all) it's illegal. You need to stand up to this too. Be prepare to compromise. Be prepare to have bumps in the road and more tough choices. But if you are committed towards dialogue, if you are willing to stand by your promises, if you have the strength to do this, then you won't fail. Be stronger. If there's something I don't understand tell me. My answer will be the same, but I'll modify it. | ||
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On August 09 2009 12:25 stroggos wrote: The main problem is that they are making you study so much yet you are not getting exceptional grades which you should be if you studied so much. well to be honest, they think im studying so much, but i cant concentrate that long and always get distracted, and with mindset "since i study all day i can push it off til later"... And funny thing is that i know when that mindset is takign over, but im totally helpless against it. I can't really tell my parnets "I'm not actually studying" cuz then they won't even listen to my reasoning and just blow off on it for a few days.... Anyways i just always look at the brighter side, all this will only make college that much more sweeter. | ||
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Saracen
United States5139 Posts
It's the whole "we crawled out of a shithole and traveled twenty thousand miles so you could have a better life, so get well-educated and make the crapton of money we weren't able to because of our childhood circumstances" schpeil. Further intensified by "you see kids in China, they work so hard. They wake up, go to school, then come home and do homework and sleep. That's it." Sure, what they're saying has merit, but the context is total bullshit. Comparing your situation and these circumstances is really unfair. Of course, when your parents say this, it should be a great motivator for you to work hard. But there's a limit that's defined by the very same living conditions they think is a godsend to you. You live in America. America plays by a different set of rules. In America, not everyone studies 24/7. Hell, just about no one studies 24/7. If they want you to study 24/7, then you should all just move back to China, where you'll have even less opportunities to succeed. The thing is, the *environment* in China - the students, the parents, the teachers, the culture - all of this contributes to the kind of work ethic you see there. Every single kid follows it, and it's made so much easier to live that kind of lifestyle that way. Here in America, it's important to have a social circle. It's important to hang out with friends, to get involved. That's how you get ahead in America. You start a club. You become student body president. Sure, Asian culture doesn't generally allow for this degree of social networking and outgoing-ness, but it's what you have to do to get ahead in America. That's how you get into Harvard or Stanford. Yeah, you should be smart, but you don't need 2400/36. Hell, I'll bet there are plenty of people in these top colleges with the exact same standardized test scores as you who didn't sweat their entire summers studying their asses off. Yeah, perfect scores will get you noticed, and Asian parents love this mindset because they think if it's academic, it's a guarantee as long as you put in time and effort. But this is just not true. There's a reason the SAT is an "aptitude" test. From my experience, almost no amount of studying is going to net you a perfect score. Either you "get" how to do reading comprehension, or you don't. It's not just "memorize facts and store tons of shit in my brain," it's process information in a specific way. And now, it's essays, too, which are insanely subjective. I have friends who go to Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, etc. I have friends who were accepted to almost all of those schools. NONE of them studied their assess off and wasted away their summers. Almost ALL of them were INVOLVED. They did as much as they could do at school. They talked with students, they talked with teachers, hell, they talked with guidance counselors and principles. But they TALKED. Trust me, China is different. It's not better or worse, just different. I know the curriculum there. Every single high school student learns the exact same thing (and they don't learn calculus until college). I have cousins the same age who are going to a solid second-tier school. I'm in the U.S. and am going to Cal Tech. So really, your parents can't use the mindset ingrained from their childhood circumstances and Chinese connections to help guide your life. They might as well be trying to teach you how to live on Mars. Yeah, you need to work hard. But the thing is, your parents don't know how to play the game. There really aren't too many Asians who do. The key to success may be studying your ass off in China, but it definitely isn't here. You know how many college applicants are just like you, wasting your summer behind textbooks because their Asian parents want to say "look, my son/daughter is going to Harvard?" NONE of these kids actually get in. Because they're too busy studying and neglecting what's most important. Do what's best for you, buddy, not what your parents think what's best for you. Because, though they may be right most of the time, there are times when, as you know, they are dead wrong. And this is one of those times. | ||
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sdG)ID
Canada6 Posts
On August 09 2009 09:58 stalife wrote: Don't think of it as a waste of time... Think of this as the 3 years of "slump" SKT1 had. Boxer gone, oov and kingdom retiring, zergs fucking up big time. But look now! SKT1 is yet again the CHAMPION. Your "Champion" phase may come in college, or maybe post-undergrad studies, or maybe even after that. But they will come if you keep yourself busy studying and not wasting time with social life :D did u read what he said? His father's abusiveness. That is the main problem. He got beat hard for spilling milk? And studying all day is very counter productive. You need time to refresh... Dude honestly, I think your parents are trying to fit in with other asian parents :/..."take tennis, every other asian is doing it" :/ Maybe if its that abusive, try to seeking help? I am not sure what to do I am not in this situation... The battle cries will fade, and you will emerge victorious. | ||
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meathook
1289 Posts
Rap song, please. | ||
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
@saracen, funny thing when i just entered 9th grade, i was really shy and stuff and didnt participate much, then when sophmore year came i wanted to change and became generally more opened, and try out for different events and stuff. And funny how my sophmore year was my highest GPA, then junior year came along and my parents believed my grades would go higher if i didnt do sports, and ironically it dropped hellas. Infact in the 1st semesetr of junior year i had a 2.9, and brought it up to a 3.6, and 2nd semester i had like a 3.8 and dropped it to 3.5. But yes i do know where they're coming from with this hardcore study shitt... And the abuse stopped, because i actually told them to fuck off (manneredly in chinese). And i give them the dead serious stare if they are attempting to do it again such as today, and it worked pretty well. | ||
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Slaughter
United States20254 Posts
On August 09 2009 12:30 Saracen wrote: I'm going to spend some time with this post because I feel for you. I can't say I've been through the exact same shit, but I pretty much know what you're going through. It's the whole "we crawled out of a shithole and traveled twenty thousand miles so you could have a better life, so get well-educated and make the crapton of money we weren't able to because of our childhood circumstances" schpeil. Further intensified by "you see kids in China, they work so hard. They wake up, go to school, then come home and do homework and sleep. That's it." Sure, what they're saying has merit, but the context is total bullshit. Comparing your situation and these circumstances is really unfair. Of course, when your parents say this, it should be a great motivator for you to work hard. But there's a limit that's defined by the very same living conditions they think is a godsend to you. You live in America. America plays by a different set of rules. In America, not everyone studies 24/7. Hell, just about no one studies 24/7. If they want you to study 24/7, then you should all just move back to China, where you'll have even less opportunities to succeed. The thing is, the *environment* in China - the students, the parents, the teachers, the culture - all of this contributes to the kind of work ethic you see there. Every single kid follows it, and it's made so much easier to live that kind of lifestyle that way. Here in America, it's important to have a social circle. It's important to hang out with friends, to get involved. That's how you get ahead in America. You start a club. You become student body president. Sure, Asian culture doesn't generally allow for this degree of social networking and outgoing-ness, but it's what you have to do to get ahead in America. That's how you get into Harvard or Stanford. Yeah, you should be smart, but you don't need 2400/36. Hell, I'll bet there are plenty of people in these top colleges with the exact same standardized test scores as you who didn't sweat their entire summers studying their asses off. Yeah, perfect scores will get you noticed, and Asian parents love this mindset because they think if it's academic, it's a guarantee as long as you put in time and effort. But this is just not true. There's a reason the SAT is an "aptitude" test. From my experience, almost no amount of studying is going to net you a perfect score. Either you "get" how to do reading comprehension, or you don't. It's not just "memorize facts and store tons of shit in my brain," it's process information in a specific way. And now, it's essays, too, which are insanely subjective. I have friends who go to Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, etc. I have friends who were accepted to almost all of those schools. NONE of them studied their assess off and wasted away their summers. Almost ALL of them were INVOLVED. They did as much as they could do at school. They talked with students, they talked with teachers, hell, they talked with guidance counselors and principles. But they TALKED. Trust me, China is different. It's not better or worse, just different. I know the curriculum there. Every single high school student learns the exact same thing (and they don't learn calculus until college). I have cousins the same age who are going to a solid second-tier school. I'm in the U.S. and am going to Cal Tech. So really, your parents can't use the mindset ingrained from their childhood circumstances and Chinese connections to help guide your life. They might as well be trying to teach you how to live on Mars. Yeah, you need to work hard. But the thing is, your parents don't know how to play the game. There really aren't too many Asians who do. The key to success may be studying your ass off in China, but it definitely isn't here. You know how many college applicants are just like you, wasting your summer behind textbooks because their Asian parents want to say "look, my son/daughter is going to Harvard?" NONE of these kids actually get in. Because they're too busy studying and neglecting what's most important. Do what's best for you, buddy, not what your parents think what's best for you. Because, though they may be right most of the time, there are times when, as you know, they are dead wrong. And this is one of those times. This post is pretty much on from what Ive heard from family members who are teachers at different levels. Functioning properly in social settings is key in the US because in the real world you just have to be social and work with people well. If your just some zombie who knows everything but can't work in a setting where you have to communicate well your fucked. You need to be work hard and know your shit obviously but its a waste if you are on the outside of the social world. | ||
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