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[rant]
I'm not sure if i feel pissed or sad right now. But my dad is a fucken asshole... I dont even know where to begin.
I guess firstly i would like to post my life schedule that my parents wants me to live by.
+ Show Spoiler [Summer Schedule] +SUMMER SCHEDULE:
7:30-wake up
8:00-12am Study ACT's/SAT's until 12am
1-5pm-Study more ACT/SAT's
7-8PM - Run
8-11:30pm - Do AP homework.
As you can see i literally have NO room for "fun". The only times i had a friend over was on november of 2008, and then i had them come again 2 weeks ago. That was it. I basically cannot do anything Except study (DURING THE SUMMER)...
As many of you TLnetter's know that i am forbidden to play starcraft, view teamliquid, go on any other sites thats not related to studies excluding CNN and newsites. If it wasn't for starcraft and teamliquid/MSN(i'm forbidden to use MSN/AIM as well, thats why i use meebo so when my parents come i can alt f4 it faster than MSN) i would have literally no social contact/communication at ALL.
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I'm asian, but i'm not a school smart asian, i admit. I have a 3.6 gpa, and i scored 26 on my ACT's i'm not going to lie. But that is HORRIBLE for an asian kid. So as a result, today they even tightens my schedule(I have no idea how thats possible), and basically further implement it because they want me to get a 30+ on my next ACT's.
The funny thing is that, i think what they're doing is really counter productive but there's no way i can bring it up to them without being shit on. But honestly though, who can fucken concentrate all day doing some stupid standardize testing bullshit. Holyshit i'm being trained like a standardized test taking progamer right now except im not actually doing much at all. I do do some studying but not NEARLY as much as they expect me to.
Plus i was really looking forwards to senior year next year because i wanted to do cross country, but of course i shoulda saw it coming, they denied it and made me study 24/7 again next senior year. I was pretty down for that week when they told me i couldn't do it anymore AFTER i got my physical exam done and everything. I did cross country/track my Sophmore year because first i wanted to get out of my house and 2nd according to my parents its something i put on my college application. They tried to persuade me so much to play tennis instead cuz they said all asian kids were doing it cuz its easy and you put it on your college, but i managed to refuse and still do track.
Ironically i had my HIGHEST GPA the semester i did cross country, SO as a result they believe that "If i didn't do any other sports my grade would go even higher"... So of course i was denied to doing anything my Junior year and studyied 24/7, and boom my GPA dropped, and they were wondering "WHY?! u study 24/7 and ur gpa still suck balls". So now i can't do any sports next year, and im forced to study all day. I've tried explaining the concept to them that i cannot study all day and concentrate like that, but of course they were really close minded...
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All of this is not even mentioning the fact that my dad was/is really abusive as well, my first memory of my ass getting kicked was when i was like 3 or 4, and i accidentally spilled some milk, and he got me down and started rolling/kicking me with this foot. These sorta things continued all the way until i was 17 (which is this year). He used to spit on me and belt me which resulted in clear red swollen skin. This year however he was about to do it again after getting my ACT score, but i told him to "Fuck off and i can't stand your bullshit anymore" in the most mannerful way in chinese i could think of at the moment.
But man i've thought about leaving home SEVERAL times, i have a good friend n we talked about sharing an apartment together, he agreed that he would be able to do it if i could. But i know my parents would not allow me to do that.
Anyways i'm turning 18 this upcoming september, and just counting off the days until i go to college leave ...
I do realize that my dad's abusive behavior comes from his mom, and its passed down from generation and generation, but i've made a promise to myself that i would stop this shit when i get my kids. I wanna even tatoo it on my arm to remind myself about it even more. Peace out~
[/rant]
 
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good luck!
It seems if you are really desperate, you can squeeze some "fun tiem" into right after the 8-11:30 part. Sometimes I watch TV from 11:30-1 its nice and relaxing
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Man, that sucks dude. Massive respect to you for remaining sane though. That's hard to do. Good luck on your exams and life in general.
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motbob
United States12546 Posts
When you have a successful life you'll look back on this and think it's not so bad.
They're making 1/4 of your life hell so the other 3/4ths will be better!
BTW they're not going to kick you out of the house for doing cross country. Show them scientific studies that say that athletics can increase GPA (they're out there)
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On August 09 2009 09:33 Racenilatr wrote:
good luck!
It seems if you are really desperate, you can squeeze some "fun tiem" into right after the 8-11:30 part. Sometimes I watch TV from 11:30-1 its nice and relaxing
my study room is really close to their bedroom, and my dad goes to the bathroom often at night and would see my light still opening, and would ask what i was doing staying up so late... lol but i've still done it regardless. They usualyl sleep at 11pm, and then i do shit till 12 or 12:30 am.
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All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no.
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tell them that studying for ACTs/SATs is pointless if you don't know what the hell to study,and that 10 hours of staring in a book is a waste.
My SAT studying consisted of:
vaguely looking at an SAT book on the weekends for 1 hour until the last week
Review of writing section the week of-memorize writing rules
Essay is easy shit that you can improvise
SAT Math is more about avoiding careless mistakes than knowing how to do the problems-just do the hard problems in a few books
SAT Reading is just critical reading-this one you actually need to practice to get it right. I spent probably 3/4th of all the time on this
I spent maybe 3 hours a week in the summer studying, took a class that was completely useless and was a waste of time and money, and then on the week of studied for 5 days 5 hours each, then took the test. The improvement from my PSAT to my SAT was over 340 points.
Tell your parents that one of your asian friends, who has a shittier GPA and a probably worse PSAT, did the above and improved well, as opposed to other asian friends who probably went to cram school every day and did well but not crazy well.
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Fuck asian parents. My dad is not as strict as you but I can somewhat feel your pain.
Btw is your computer in your room? If so, I'm kind of surprised, considering your parents are that strict. Usually, the strict parents I know place the computer in the living room and such.
Also, when you go to college, are you going to be paying or your parents? If the latter, then you might still need to deal with their bullshit. Otherwise, have fun and hang in there bro!
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That sucks but deep down I wish I could have traded places with you; my parents are very laid back, I fill out all the forms and signed up for all the courses and decided whether or not I wanted to study. I'm a better student than my parents ever were (and they were pretty good, it was just a different time) but I always wonder how good I could have been if I had been pushed instead of doing all the pushing. Especially as I apply to colleges and I know I'm gonna be rejected from my top choices even if my parents think I'm being pessimistic. Idk maybe I did well because they were laid back but they took a huge gamble on me. Just another perspective, gl dude
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On August 09 2009 09:42 clazziquai wrote:
Fuck asian parents. My dad is not as strict as you but I can somewhat feel your pain.
Btw is your computer in your room? If so, I'm kind of surprised, considering your parents are that strict. Usually, the strict parents I know place the computer in the living room and such.
Also, when you go to college, are you going to be paying or your parents? If the latter, then you might still need to deal with their bullshit. Otherwise, have fun and hang in there bro!
My computer is in an office desk which i also study on, so i can quickly exit the stuff and pretend to be studying and shit :D. But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks.
But this is probably toughest moment of my life right now, cuz im in summer of junior year and this time i'm starting to apply for college, and asian parents are freaking out and stuff. But after i get through these few grueling month, everything will be okay, and i'll be in a dorm. There is NO FUCKING WAY am i gonna live at home when i go to college. No one not even if my parents disown me will the keep me from leaving after i graduate high school.
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On August 09 2009 09:42 clazziquai wrote:
Fuck asian parents. My dad is not as strict as you but I can somewhat feel your pain.
Btw is your computer in your room? If so, I'm kind of surprised, considering your parents are that strict. Usually, the strict parents I know place the computer in the living room and such.
Also, when you go to college, are you going to be paying or your parents? If the latter, then you might still need to deal with their bullshit. Otherwise, have fun and hang in there bro!
my computer is in my living room and i have lenient parents lol
Anyways shiet ypang that sorta sucks. How do you get C+ without your parents noticing you play >_>
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i think many people have their priority backwards. they say work hard now and enjoy life later, but work itself is unending so even then you'd have to "find" the time. you'd never hear someone advocate "enjoy life now and work later" so why do it the other way around? it's not like you have a set amount of work that once you finish you will be able to stop. the way i see it, you should enjoy life as it is because even if you manage to retire from work at a young age you've wasted an irreplaceable time.
i dont know if the above makes sense but i guess what i'm saying is find some time to live life however you see fit.
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On August 09 2009 09:37 motbob wrote:
When you have a successful life you'll look back on this and think it's not so bad.
They're making 1/4 of your life hell so the other 3/4ths will be better!
BTW they're not going to kick you out of the house for doing cross country. Show them scientific studies that say that athletics can increase GPA (they're out there)
You only live once
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Oh man I feel for you...
I would say that your parents are thinking about whats best for you - but as you said their measures are indeed counter-productive. You are about to start college. So I wish you the very best of luck in the near and distant future. Stay strong.
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On August 09 2009 09:47 mahnini wrote:
i think many people have their priority backwards. they say work hard now and enjoy life later, but work itself is unending so even then you'd have to "find" the time. you'd never hear someone advocate "enjoy life now and work later" so why do it the other way around? it's not like you have a set amount of work that once you finish you will be able to stop. the way i see it, you should enjoy life as it is because even if you manage to retire from work at a young age you've wasted an irreplaceable time.
i dont know if the above makes sense but i guess what i'm saying is find some time to live life however you see fit.
I've basically wasted my teenage social life doing NOTHING, there's no arguing through this I CANNOT go out ANYTIME during the school year, not thanks giving, not march break. The only time i've been able to do something besides SC/study/run, is summer to the movies with friends like once or twice thats it.
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Sounds like my mom. honestly dude, just make it over this hump and you're in college. It doesn't matter if it's not the college they want you to be in, but you'll be IN COLLEGE. That's when you can do whatever the fuck you want and study or play as hard as you want. Dont worry man, it's almost over...keep your head up
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Ugh that's horrible. :/ Studying that many hours a day is useless anyway. -____-
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On August 09 2009 09:47 mahnini wrote:
i think many people have their priority backwards. they say work hard now and enjoy life later, but work itself is unending so even then you'd have to "find" the time. you'd never hear someone advocate "enjoy life now and work later" so why do it the other way around? it's not like you have a set amount of work that once you finish you will be able to stop. the way i see it, you should enjoy life as it is because even if you manage to retire from work at a young age you've wasted an irreplaceable time.
i dont know if the above makes sense but i guess what i'm saying is find some time to live life however you see fit.
actually that's bullshit. don't find time to live life. just fucking do it.
"anything that takes up your time takes up your life, what if never do anything that you think is important?"
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Don't think of it as a waste of time... Think of this as the 3 years of "slump" SKT1 had. Boxer gone, oov and kingdom retiring, zergs fucking up big time. But look now! SKT1 is yet again the CHAMPION. Your "Champion" phase may come in college, or maybe post-undergrad studies, or maybe even after that. But they will come if you keep yourself busy studying and not wasting time with social life :D
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no time set aside for college apps O_O?
you're supposed to be starting right now..
on the bright side it'll allow you to get on the computer more :D
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United States22883 Posts
I don't know what to do about the study schedule stuff, but there's countless studies that show your brain performance improves with regular physical activity. If you're not able to do cross country, it may be more difficult for you to think clearly and you'll be less motivated in everything else, since you really wanted to do it.
Sorry to hear about all that though. :/
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On August 09 2009 09:58 stalife wrote:
Don't think of it as a waste of time... Think of this as the 3 years of "slump" SKT1 had. Boxer gone, oov and kingdom retiring, zergs fucking up big time. But look now! SKT1 is yet again the CHAMPION. Your "Champion" phase may come in college, or maybe post-undergrad studies, or maybe even after that. But they will come if you keep yourself busy studying and not wasting time with social life :D
waiting to live life the way you want is a flawed existence. obviously, don't take this to mean never work toward any goal, but you shouldnt be waiting for that moment or "champion phase".
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This blog gave me huge dejavou but like others said good luck and not much further to go.
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Gladstone you play more Starcraft then me and I live alone 
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On August 09 2009 10:09 Yaqoob wrote:Gladstone you play more Starcraft then me and I live alone
thats cuz ur noob
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On August 09 2009 10:08 d(O.o)a wrote:
This blog gave me huge dejavou but like others said good luck and not much further to go.
Yeah strange, I swear it's like I've read this before.
Yang I feel kinda sad for you because I have asian parents that let me do whatever the hell I want and have never laid a finger on me. Exactly how many days until you alt Q_Q from your house? o.o
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good luck and hang in there  .
on a sidenote, i dont understand why parents get this extreme. i understand they want their kids to do well/be successful, but even if the student barely passes high school and doesn't take the ACT's they can still go to community college and transfer (if they do well there) to a well respected uni. point is, even if you screw up the entirety of your high school career you can come out the other side successfully :/
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Unless you have a friend or relative that is willing to take you in, there is no way you would be able to move out. Even sharing an apartment would mean you would have to start working full time while going to school. That's not impossible, but only some people could manage it and IMO without a doubt you are not one of them.
Your only two options are to put up with what you feel is a shitty life and then move out when the time comes to go to College, or stand up for yourself. I had to re-read your post because you said you told your parent to fuck off... in the most mannerful way possible in Chinese, I find that very telling. I would suggest you start to actually stand up to your parents, even though I know you're too weak to. Sorry for being harsh GS but I think that's the truth.
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that sucks, sure i had to study a lot during the summer of my high school days but it wasn't even close to what you have to do. keep going man, you'll be done sooner than you know it. will they let you relax after you get accepted to a college though?
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On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks.
WTF you have to pay them back?! I've never heard of that happen to any Asian person I've ever known.
On August 09 2009 09:41 MoltkeWarding wrote:
All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no.
I agree with this. Say something like you can't concentrate and you need to take a break sometimes. The alternative can't get any worse unless your dad gets physical. Would he still hit you? Or hit you in front of your mom?
And, alternatively, you can just lie. I knew some people in my high school who were in pretty much the same situation as you. Aren't you in after school clubs to help with your college apps? Any time you go out, just say it's for a community service, studying, a group project, etc. They literally lied to their parents 90% of the time when we went out. Even during the summer, you can just say you want to study with some friends or you're getting a head start on community service or something.
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On August 09 2009 10:36 VictorW wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks. WTF you have to pay them back?! I've never heard of that happen to any Asian person I've ever known. Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 09:41 MoltkeWarding wrote:
All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no. I agree with this. Say something like you can't concentrate and you need to take a break sometimes. The alternative can't get any worse unless your dad gets physical. Would he still hit you? Or hit you in front of your mom? And, alternatively, you can just lie. I knew some people in my high school who were in pretty much the same situation as you. Aren't you in after school clubs to help with your college apps? Any time you go out, just say it's for a community service, studying, a group project, etc. They literally lied to their parents 90% of the time when we went out. Even during the summer, you can just say you want to study with some friends or you're getting a head start on community service or something.
lol its a great idea and everything, but they dont let me study with other people O_O, they just say i'm just going to play. I've tried.
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i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests.
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On August 09 2009 10:38 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:36 VictorW wrote:On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks. WTF you have to pay them back?! I've never heard of that happen to any Asian person I've ever known. On August 09 2009 09:41 MoltkeWarding wrote:
All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no. I agree with this. Say something like you can't concentrate and you need to take a break sometimes. The alternative can't get any worse unless your dad gets physical. Would he still hit you? Or hit you in front of your mom? And, alternatively, you can just lie. I knew some people in my high school who were in pretty much the same situation as you. Aren't you in after school clubs to help with your college apps? Any time you go out, just say it's for a community service, studying, a group project, etc. They literally lied to their parents 90% of the time when we went out. Even during the summer, you can just say you want to study with some friends or you're getting a head start on community service or something. lol its a great idea and everything, but they dont let me study with other people O_O, they just say i'm just going to play. I've tried.
Holy crap they're ruthless.
But aren't you in after school clubs for community service at least? If they say you need a sport for your resume, then I'd figure they'd know you need some clubs and activities.
Or tell them you don't understand the material and you need help? I figure since they're Asian, they won't be able to help you with anything other than math so can't you just say something like "My grades/scores aren't getting any better and I need help from so and so to get my grades/scores up?"
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On August 09 2009 10:44 VictorW wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:38 YPang wrote:On August 09 2009 10:36 VictorW wrote:On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks. WTF you have to pay them back?! I've never heard of that happen to any Asian person I've ever known. On August 09 2009 09:41 MoltkeWarding wrote:
All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no. I agree with this. Say something like you can't concentrate and you need to take a break sometimes. The alternative can't get any worse unless your dad gets physical. Would he still hit you? Or hit you in front of your mom? And, alternatively, you can just lie. I knew some people in my high school who were in pretty much the same situation as you. Aren't you in after school clubs to help with your college apps? Any time you go out, just say it's for a community service, studying, a group project, etc. They literally lied to their parents 90% of the time when we went out. Even during the summer, you can just say you want to study with some friends or you're getting a head start on community service or something. lol its a great idea and everything, but they dont let me study with other people O_O, they just say i'm just going to play. I've tried. Holy crap they're ruthless. But aren't you in after school clubs for community service at least? If they say you need a sport for your resume, then I'd figure they'd know you need some clubs and activities. Or tell them you don't understand the material and you need help? I figure since they're Asian, they won't be able to help you with anything other than math so can't you just say something like "My grades/scores aren't getting any better and I need help from so and so to get my grades/scores up?"
lol yea that might work.
But yeah i've done something like staying after school for no reason just cuz i didn't want to go home, and me and some friends would chill and surf the internet in the library.
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Stand up to your parents. They cannot force you to study 10+ hours every day. They can ground you, or beat you, yes, but they cannot force you to study. If you truly believe that what's going on isn't right you should tell them no. I'm not suggesting you try to sit down and discuss this with them, you've stated this doesn't work. However you have the face the fact that either you will continue to take this lying down, or you will stand up for yourself and risk being kicked out of the house.
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Asian parents suck, I was in the same position as you a few years ago. I'm not going to tell you what I did because it was pretty bad lol, just hang in there.
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On August 09 2009 10:51 ZoW wrote:
Asian parents suck, I was in the same position as you a few years ago. I'm not going to tell you what I did because it was pretty bad lol, just hang in there.
i actually only study a bit, the rest of the time is on the internet/sc lol.
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On August 09 2009 10:50 Salv wrote:
Stand up to your parents. They cannot force you to study 10+ hours every day. They can ground you, or beat you, yes, but they cannot force you to study. If you truly believe that what's going on isn't right you should tell them no. I'm not suggesting you try to sit down and discuss this with them, you've stated this doesn't work. However you have the face the fact that either you will continue to take this lying down, or you will stand up for yourself and risk being kicked out of the house.
tbh i sorta wanna get kicked out of the house, i know a few people that'd let me sleep in their car or coach or w/e. Plus my school ends at like 3pm, and i can work in restaurant for like 2-4 hours everyday after school without really affecting my studies that much, cuz i dont really use my time to study after i get home anyways lol.
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If you have a place to stay and you think it's bad enough that you should move out, do it. I would imagine your parents would feel guilty and want you back, offering to lighten up in return for you returning home. At the very least it would show your parents you are serious about this.
That being said, I don't see a restaurant giving you a 2-4 hour shift from 3-5 or 3-7, that's a restaurants slow period. I think the fact is that if you moved you, you would need to work six hours or so two or three days a week, possibly thursday and friday, and weekends. You would probably have just as leisure time as you do now, but now with labour. The tradeoff is that you show your parents that you are serious. Which I don't think you are.
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On August 09 2009 10:45 YPang wrote:
lol yea that might work.
But yeah i've done something like staying after school for no reason just cuz i didn't want to go home, and me and some friends would chill and surf the internet in the library.
Haha well there you go. You've got at least one friend with a car, right? Next step: I've got a community service from 5 to 8 and we might go out to eat after so I'll be back at 9-10. Or Saturday from noon to 2 and then we're going to study/work on a project afterwards. A lot of legitimate community service falls at those hours. I remember doing stuff like Project Open Hand, Habitat for Humanity, Ronald McDonald House, etc.
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you are OUR fuck up
cheer up man could be worse.
you could have tons of kitty pron on your comp O_O
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On August 09 2009 10:58 Salv wrote:
If you have a place to stay and you think it's bad enough that you should move out, do it. I would imagine your parents would feel guilty and want you back, offering to lighten up in return for you returning home. At the very least it would show your parents you are serious about this.
That being said, I don't see a restaurant giving you a 2-4 hour shift from 3-5 or 3-7, that's a restaurants slow period. I think the fact is that if you moved you, you would need to work six hours or so two or three days a week, possibly thursday and friday, and weekends. You would probably have just as leisure time as you do now, but now with labour. The tradeoff is that you show your parents that you are serious. Which I don't think you are.
no im not serious about moving out cuz i'm just so close to college, which means they lend me money without interest.
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Through the years I have come to believe that you can work hard on changing yourself, but only in ways you personally want to. I got a 31 ACT in highschool, 219 PSAT, and 2.0 GPA. I only put forth effort on big projects and right before exams, but my brain is apparently good for standardized tests.
My parents pushed me a lot, but now that they don't I have a 3.1 GPA in college. Yeah it still sucks but I am have severe focus problems. I'm still actually doing homework every now and then.
I think your should work hard but their methods are preposterous. Your best bet is to find studies that show the superiority of other methods. If they deny science then all of their methods are moot.
Also, what Moltke said.
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Jesus like a 3.6 gpa and 26 ACT is the end of the world I had basically the same stats as you and I didn't do jack in HS or study for the ACT at all. Your parents are Nazi level in their strictness.... Very sorry for your situation. Lol though at your "I have a 3.6 gpa, and i scored 26 on my ACT's i'm not going to lie. But that is HORRIBLE for an asian kid." You just sterotyped your own race :O Just because your asian doesn't mean you are godly at school. No "race" has any advantage over any other in anything. Asians being good at school is mostly due to kids in your situation who have parents who push the fuck out of them.
Parents sometimes just think that bulk studying leads to good grades when simply some people aren't built for that type of studying and need a more relaxed routine. Athletics and other activities help because then your mind gets to rest and focus on something else so when you do study you haven't done it all day and you can actually focus on it unlike if you had been doing it for the entire day.
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Don't worry bro, i completely feel your pain, although, my dad is not strict at all. I'm from India, and we have it pretty bad as well, especially with our mom's. I'm heading off to college next year, so I dont have to put up with too much, but trust me dude, it'll all be worth it in the end. There is a reason ur dad is doing what he is doing, or else he wouldn't be a dad. Seeing as we are of the asian descendants, we need to keep our race proud and smart. If you can just endure the torture for one more year, you'll be set for LIFE! Everything will pay off in the end, trust me bro. And don't say YOU'RE the f**k up...just keep trying.
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Join the marines, that'll show them.
I'm completely serious.
Edit: ok I wasn't so serious.
The way I handled dealing with the problems I had with my mother was to leave the house. She was an alcoholic for years and when I got to my senior year in HS I really had enough of it so I moved out. I have good friends so I would spend a few weeks at a time at someone's house then move on. I quit my senior year of wrestling because I just didn't want to deal with it but it was worth it. I spent like 1 1/4 months with friends and then 3/4ths of a month on my own in a house that wasn't being used. I spent a lot of my own money paying for food in this time though.
Our situations are a lot different though so my solution probably won't work for you, but you should do something. My mom just got her 6th month chip from AA a little while ago though.
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On August 09 2009 12:00 SingletonWilliam wrote:
Join the marines, that'll show them.
I'm completely serious.
this lol,
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I'm not going to spout out bullshit about how it's good for you, because seeing from what is happening it isn't. About the same thing (less extent) was happening to me until I finally said "no" in 9th grade. I don't think what you have are normal Asian parents.
I have no idea how why it is that you have to pay your parents back for uni tuition. Even at no-interest it is barely better than simply getting loans :/
you aren't the fuckup dude, it's your parents who are the fuckups.
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Honestly I would refuse to study at all under such conditions, and in fact I did. Children are not slaves, their lives do not belong to their parents.
If you are going to stand up to your parents, however, you have to be dead serious and make it clear to them that you are perfectly willing to live on the streets (and never talk to them again) rather than live a life like the one they are making you live.
If you are not serious enough, you're just going to make your own life miserable as most controlling parents will not shy away from any coercive method if they think it's going to get you back in line.
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If you're aware that your parents are screwing you, then I don't think there will be a problem in the end.
+ Show Spoiler +Unless they keep bossing you around until you're 30 LOL
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OMG, thats very very sad. My Asian parents are kinda like that... but to a much much lesser extent. so i roughly know how it feels. Hope you keep your head up no matter what : )
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On August 09 2009 12:08 Phrujbaz wrote:
Honestly I would refuse to study at all under such conditions, and in fact I did. Children are not slaves, their lives do not belong to their parents.
If you are going to stand up to your parents, however, you have to be dead serious and make it clear to them that you are perfectly willing to live on the streets (and never talk to them again) rather than live a life like the one they are making you live.
If you are not serious enough, you're just going to make your own life miserable as most controlling parents will not shy away from any coercive method if they think it's going to get you back in line.
That is so true.
I'd like to chip in and say that you should indeed be serious. My asian parents were like this from elementary to junior high. But, after 9th grade and a 3.3 GPA, I was sick and tired of that pushing and studying business. They pushed me to play piano, play tennis, and study my textbooks before class every day. If I refused, I received a harsh scolding for a few hours, which is probably a bit better than getting beaten D:
I finally got them to stop it when I directly said, "No, I won't do any more studying, and if you take anything away from me, then I will do nothing."
I was dead serious. And oddly enough, my parents agreed to back off. From 10th grade year, I got a 4.0 without them on my ass. I'm not sure if this would work for you, since some Asian parents don't fold as easily as others.
Even if you do have to put up with their abuse, wait for college man. It's just one year. You can make it. And after that, Asian parents = interest free college loan
GL HF
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The main problem is that they are making you study so much yet you are not getting exceptional grades which you should be if you studied so much. So..clearly all this pushing isn't working on you and your parents need to acknowledge that.
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Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
You know,
It's easy to be skeptical of stories like this, especially when kids our age are fighting wars across Sudan, Congo, and other miserable places throughout the world. But that approach ignores the fact that there are comparatively small issues that exist in our world that are solvable. If we can't deal with problems like yours, we can't hope to fix larger issues.
I think you need to accept certain facts;
1) You have a right to live your life as you wish.
2) Your parents want the best for you.
3) Doing nothing is not a option.
4) Leaving the house is not an option.
5) You are not.
NOT.
A "fuck up".
***
To suggest that you should just wait for college is a terrible suggestion. It totally ignores the first fact; you are, in essence submitting yourself to somebody else's will. This will have countless repercussions in the future. If you do nothing, you will leave your house with a totally unsustainable relationship with your parents. You will never have learned to communicate when you had the chance, and as such you will have exponentially greater difficulty doing so in the future. If you do not act now, the chances are extremely high that you will have a more dangerous falling out with them in the future. Prolonging conflict will only make the ending result more dangerous. You will also do yourself a disservice by stunting your social development. You will undoubtedly find it harder to make and keep friends, and the right friends once out of your house, because you have been prevented from learning this skill during High School. You will not learn how to talk to girls, you will not learn how to talk to guys, you will not learn how to deal with social cues, and differing social situations. Learning this on the fly, in college (of all places) is a poor alternative. Doing nothing is not an option.
So what should you do?
Look, this is going to be a "Ask __" answer straight out of the newspaper, but a reason it might be familiar to you is because it's true. You need to communicate with your parents.
It's the only way.
But you can't rush into it. You need to think of what you're going to say. You need to practice saying it. This is important, try a mirror. Try a webcam. There are people who would help you do this.
-You need to tell your parents, clearly, concisely, in a firm but reasonable manner, that you would like to take control of your own life. You need to acknowledge that they are doing their best for you. You must tell them that you will still do your work, that you will not lose your concentration for college. But you need to explain that you are feeling depressed (you are, check the title of your post) and you are feeling angry because of the pressure they put on you. You must tell them that you have a right to have friends, and you have a right to take time off and enjoy yourself.
And finally, you must explain to them, that the reason you are doing this because you want to be able to communicate openly and freely with them. This is crucial. You must open up a dialogue. A dialogue goes two ways.
- This won't be easy. I know that I don't know your parents. But I do know that if you state your case passionately and determinedly, your parents will come around. If they want the best for you, they will listen. What you've said about your dad is troubling. That's abuse, my friend, and in most states (if not all) it's illegal. You need to stand up to this too.
Be prepare to compromise. Be prepare to have bumps in the road and more tough choices. But if you are committed towards dialogue, if you are willing to stand by your promises, if you have the strength to do this, then you won't fail. Be stronger.
If there's something I don't understand tell me. My answer will be the same, but I'll modify it.
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On August 09 2009 12:25 stroggos wrote:
The main problem is that they are making you study so much yet you are not getting exceptional grades which you should be if you studied so much.
well to be honest, they think im studying so much, but i cant concentrate that long and always get distracted, and with mindset "since i study all day i can push it off til later"... And funny thing is that i know when that mindset is takign over, but im totally helpless against it. I can't really tell my parnets "I'm not actually studying" cuz then they won't even listen to my reasoning and just blow off on it for a few days.... Anyways i just always look at the brighter side, all this will only make college that much more sweeter.
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I'm going to spend some time with this post because I feel for you. I can't say I've been through the exact same shit, but I pretty much know what you're going through.
It's the whole "we crawled out of a shithole and traveled twenty thousand miles so you could have a better life, so get well-educated and make the crapton of money we weren't able to because of our childhood circumstances" schpeil. Further intensified by "you see kids in China, they work so hard. They wake up, go to school, then come home and do homework and sleep. That's it." Sure, what they're saying has merit, but the context is total bullshit. Comparing your situation and these circumstances is really unfair. Of course, when your parents say this, it should be a great motivator for you to work hard. But there's a limit that's defined by the very same living conditions they think is a godsend to you. You live in America. America plays by a different set of rules. In America, not everyone studies 24/7. Hell, just about no one studies 24/7. If they want you to study 24/7, then you should all just move back to China, where you'll have even less opportunities to succeed. The thing is, the *environment* in China - the students, the parents, the teachers, the culture - all of this contributes to the kind of work ethic you see there. Every single kid follows it, and it's made so much easier to live that kind of lifestyle that way. Here in America, it's important to have a social circle. It's important to hang out with friends, to get involved. That's how you get ahead in America. You start a club. You become student body president. Sure, Asian culture doesn't generally allow for this degree of social networking and outgoing-ness, but it's what you have to do to get ahead in America. That's how you get into Harvard or Stanford. Yeah, you should be smart, but you don't need 2400/36. Hell, I'll bet there are plenty of people in these top colleges with the exact same standardized test scores as you who didn't sweat their entire summers studying their asses off. Yeah, perfect scores will get you noticed, and Asian parents love this mindset because they think if it's academic, it's a guarantee as long as you put in time and effort. But this is just not true. There's a reason the SAT is an "aptitude" test. From my experience, almost no amount of studying is going to net you a perfect score. Either you "get" how to do reading comprehension, or you don't. It's not just "memorize facts and store tons of shit in my brain," it's process information in a specific way. And now, it's essays, too, which are insanely subjective. I have friends who go to Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, etc. I have friends who were accepted to almost all of those schools. NONE of them studied their assess off and wasted away their summers. Almost ALL of them were INVOLVED. They did as much as they could do at school. They talked with students, they talked with teachers, hell, they talked with guidance counselors and principles. But they TALKED.
Trust me, China is different. It's not better or worse, just different. I know the curriculum there. Every single high school student learns the exact same thing (and they don't learn calculus until college). I have cousins the same age who are going to a solid second-tier school. I'm in the U.S. and am going to Cal Tech. So really, your parents can't use the mindset ingrained from their childhood circumstances and Chinese connections to help guide your life. They might as well be trying to teach you how to live on Mars.
Yeah, you need to work hard. But the thing is, your parents don't know how to play the game. There really aren't too many Asians who do. The key to success may be studying your ass off in China, but it definitely isn't here. You know how many college applicants are just like you, wasting your summer behind textbooks because their Asian parents want to say "look, my son/daughter is going to Harvard?" NONE of these kids actually get in. Because they're too busy studying and neglecting what's most important. Do what's best for you, buddy, not what your parents think what's best for you. Because, though they may be right most of the time, there are times when, as you know, they are dead wrong.
And this is one of those times.
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On August 09 2009 09:58 stalife wrote:
Don't think of it as a waste of time... Think of this as the 3 years of "slump" SKT1 had. Boxer gone, oov and kingdom retiring, zergs fucking up big time. But look now! SKT1 is yet again the CHAMPION. Your "Champion" phase may come in college, or maybe post-undergrad studies, or maybe even after that. But they will come if you keep yourself busy studying and not wasting time with social life :D
did u read what he said? His father's abusiveness. That is the main problem. He got beat hard for spilling milk? And studying all day is very counter productive. You need time to refresh...
Dude honestly, I think your parents are trying to fit in with other asian parents :/..."take tennis, every other asian is doing it" :/
Maybe if its that abusive, try to seeking help? I am not sure what to do I am not in this situation...
The battle cries will fade, and you will emerge victorious.
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Lol.. I thought this would be a rap song... Please write a rap song about this. I cannot digest this in it's current form. Sorry.
Rap song, please.
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@tree.hugger, yeah i do agree with you on many points. I dont think im socially awkward but thats just me, i usually can read social ques pretty well. But meh, im trying to bring myself to do confront them, but just the thought of it seems tough.
@saracen, funny thing when i just entered 9th grade, i was really shy and stuff and didnt participate much, then when sophmore year came i wanted to change and became generally more opened, and try out for different events and stuff. And funny how my sophmore year was my highest GPA, then junior year came along and my parents believed my grades would go higher if i didnt do sports, and ironically it dropped hellas. Infact in the 1st semesetr of junior year i had a 2.9, and brought it up to a 3.6, and 2nd semester i had like a 3.8 and dropped it to 3.5.
But yes i do know where they're coming from with this hardcore study shitt...
And the abuse stopped, because i actually told them to fuck off (manneredly in chinese). And i give them the dead serious stare if they are attempting to do it again such as today, and it worked pretty well.
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On August 09 2009 12:30 Saracen wrote:
I'm going to spend some time with this post because I feel for you. I can't say I've been through the exact same shit, but I pretty much know what you're going through.
It's the whole "we crawled out of a shithole and traveled twenty thousand miles so you could have a better life, so get well-educated and make the crapton of money we weren't able to because of our childhood circumstances" schpeil. Further intensified by "you see kids in China, they work so hard. They wake up, go to school, then come home and do homework and sleep. That's it." Sure, what they're saying has merit, but the context is total bullshit. Comparing your situation and these circumstances is really unfair. Of course, when your parents say this, it should be a great motivator for you to work hard. But there's a limit that's defined by the very same living conditions they think is a godsend to you. You live in America. America plays by a different set of rules. In America, not everyone studies 24/7. Hell, just about no one studies 24/7. If they want you to study 24/7, then you should all just move back to China, where you'll have even less opportunities to succeed. The thing is, the *environment* in China - the students, the parents, the teachers, the culture - all of this contributes to the kind of work ethic you see there. Every single kid follows it, and it's made so much easier to live that kind of lifestyle that way. Here in America, it's important to have a social circle. It's important to hang out with friends, to get involved. That's how you get ahead in America. You start a club. You become student body president. Sure, Asian culture doesn't generally allow for this degree of social networking and outgoing-ness, but it's what you have to do to get ahead in America. That's how you get into Harvard or Stanford. Yeah, you should be smart, but you don't need 2400/36. Hell, I'll bet there are plenty of people in these top colleges with the exact same standardized test scores as you who didn't sweat their entire summers studying their asses off. Yeah, perfect scores will get you noticed, and Asian parents love this mindset because they think if it's academic, it's a guarantee as long as you put in time and effort. But this is just not true. There's a reason the SAT is an "aptitude" test. From my experience, almost no amount of studying is going to net you a perfect score. Either you "get" how to do reading comprehension, or you don't. It's not just "memorize facts and store tons of shit in my brain," it's process information in a specific way. And now, it's essays, too, which are insanely subjective. I have friends who go to Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, etc. I have friends who were accepted to almost all of those schools. NONE of them studied their assess off and wasted away their summers. Almost ALL of them were INVOLVED. They did as much as they could do at school. They talked with students, they talked with teachers, hell, they talked with guidance counselors and principles. But they TALKED.
Trust me, China is different. It's not better or worse, just different. I know the curriculum there. Every single high school student learns the exact same thing (and they don't learn calculus until college). I have cousins the same age who are going to a solid second-tier school. I'm in the U.S. and am going to Cal Tech. So really, your parents can't use the mindset ingrained from their childhood circumstances and Chinese connections to help guide your life. They might as well be trying to teach you how to live on Mars.
Yeah, you need to work hard. But the thing is, your parents don't know how to play the game. There really aren't too many Asians who do. The key to success may be studying your ass off in China, but it definitely isn't here. You know how many college applicants are just like you, wasting your summer behind textbooks because their Asian parents want to say "look, my son/daughter is going to Harvard?" NONE of these kids actually get in. Because they're too busy studying and neglecting what's most important. Do what's best for you, buddy, not what your parents think what's best for you. Because, though they may be right most of the time, there are times when, as you know, they are dead wrong.
And this is one of those times.
This post is pretty much on from what Ive heard from family members who are teachers at different levels. Functioning properly in social settings is key in the US because in the real world you just have to be social and work with people well. If your just some zombie who knows everything but can't work in a setting where you have to communicate well your fucked. You need to be work hard and know your shit obviously but its a waste if you are on the outside of the social world.
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"asian parents" haha
any 3rd world country parents will do the same
mine were just as strict, i used to get smacked around, beat with a "belt", verbally "abused"
sometimes i felt like i was completely in the right, sometimes i knew it was coming
i just cant explain why i tossed salads at walls and threw food at ceilings watching it stick to it and then fall off. I dont know why me and my bro made paper planes and tossed them out the window after putting on fire, maybe hundreds of them. I dont know why we threw eggs at people from our apartment on the 6th floor, i dont know why we covered floors with jam or burned carpet with a hot iron. We got beat to death every time and we still did it rofl. I had the biggest mouth at school, teachers complained all the time i was getting slaughtered at home even when i was 16. I cant remember if i ever got smacked in the face after going to college, at least once i did( i fought my bro and after my dad smelled alchohol on me he went nuts) I am pretty sure i could fight back at that time but you just dont do that vs own dad haha.
I cant say if it helped me or not, i just never seen it the other way. I dotn know what kind of sick shit would i do if i was never punished. So i hope it was for the best!
On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:
My computer is in an office desk which i also study on, so i can quickly exit the stuff and pretend to be studying and shit :D. But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks.
LOL. So your parents accepted the "western" idea of dealing with college payments but they still trying to school you old fashioned way? HAHA. This is lame? Even when i got beat up i knew i would never have to worry about anything if it depended on my mom and dad. Theyd give me their last penny if i needed it and never ask for anything in return. Thats how it should work and thats why i saw a certain logic behind this.
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On August 09 2009 13:17 food wrote:"asian parents" haha any 3rd world country parents will do the same mine were just as strict, i used to get smacked around, beat with a "belt", verbally "abused" sometimes i felt like i was completely in the right, sometimes i knew it was coming i just cant explain why i tossed salads at walls and threw food at ceilings watching it stick to it and then fall off. I dont know why me and my bro made paper planes and tossed them out the window after putting on fire, maybe hundreds of them. I dont know why we threw eggs at people from our apartment on the 6th floor, i dont know why we covered floors with jam or burned carpet with a hot iron. We got beat to death every time and we still did it rofl. I had the biggest mouth at school, teachers complained all the time i was getting slaughtered at home even when i was 16. I cant remember if i ever got smacked in the face after going to college, at least once i did( i fought my bro and after my dad smelled alchohol on me he went nuts) I am pretty sure i could fight back at that time but you just dont do that vs own dad haha. I cant say if it helped me or not, i just never seen it the other way. I dotn know what kind of sick shit would i do if i was never punished. So i hope it was for the best! Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:
My computer is in an office desk which i also study on, so i can quickly exit the stuff and pretend to be studying and shit :D. But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks.
LOL. So your parents accepted the "western" idea of dealing with college payments but they still trying to school you old fashioned way? HAHA. This is lame? Even when i got beat up i knew i would never have to worry about anything if it depended on my mom and dad. Theyd give me their last penny if i needed it and never ask for anything in return. Thats how it should work and thats why i saw a certain logic behind this.
How old are you now out of curiosity?
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Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
Of course it's difficult. But I ask you which is more difficult. Remaining in this state of total depression is going to be worse in the long term, far worse, than a confrontation. I'm sure of this.
Look, what I was trying to make clear is that your only option is to do something about it. Anything else simply will make the problem worse and more entrenched. How can I make it clear that you actually have to do something?
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8-12 and 1-5
Roughly 8 hours of straight hours with a 1 hour break probably used to feed your starving face.
Your parents are clueless. Your brain is not wired to retain knowledge in that way.
Your parents also don't understand that the SAT and the ACT aren't something that can be studied for like that. Sure it helps if you look over it every now and then but it's not something one really STUDIES for out of a book. Like someone said... they are aptitude tests for a reason.
Also being physically active helps grades because your brain gets rest. Your parents are really dumb... sorry.
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On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests.
I've seen your posts/blogs, you are not smart. And I'm being generous saying just that much.
Smart person would never mention being smart to begin with.
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On August 09 2009 13:21 Sadistx wrote:
How old are you now out of curiosity?
25 and i havent been home in 5 yrs
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On August 09 2009 13:31 food wrote:25 and i havent been home in 5 yrs
25 lawl
If I was your parent - lawl have to punish such naughty monster
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On August 09 2009 13:27 food wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests. I've seen your posts/blogs, you are not smart. And I'm being generous saying just that much. Smart person would never mention being smart to begin with.
ichigo - i see you post too. You are worse than dog scraping for flea.
Btw YPANG - It's good that you accept it. Unlike Ichigo who shrouds himself with a superiority complex, at least you have the ability to imrpove. just live with it. Pain is temporary lol. Build yourself up. College - You'll be free. If you work hard, college will be shit for you. Get into a decent college.
At first, you'll be a nerd just like at home. Cuz that's what asian parents do to most kids. They make you nerdy. But if you got the balls to dance some crotches infront of kids, I'm sure you'll be having fun in coll.
Get them sats up boy.
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Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
On August 09 2009 13:27 food wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests. I've seen your posts/blogs, you are not smart. And I'm being generous saying just that much. Smart person would never mention being smart to begin with.
That was so uncalled for.
Also, YPang, let me mention that I think you took your first step by posting this blog, you articulated your thoughts. You didn't do so particularly methodically or well, but that's to be expected, and you got your point across. Your goal should be to encapsulate what you've written in an unemotional argument. An appeal to reason. Bring charts and facts. Be prepared. You need to develop a rational argument that you can deliver with conviction.
And do I actually expect you to do that? To be honest, not really. It's difficult to be able to see the long term in relation to the short term when you're involved. But hopefully you will try. It might be forced upon you. But I suggest you prepare for it, and deal with this problem on your own terms. Over dinner, on a totally normal night. It's your show.
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On August 09 2009 13:32 kdog3683 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 13:27 food wrote:On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests. I've seen your posts/blogs, you are not smart. And I'm being generous saying just that much. Smart person would never mention being smart to begin with. ichigo - i see you post too. You are worse than dog scraping for flea.
ROFL
chinese insults are the best
On August 09 2009 13:33 tree.hugger wrote:
That was so uncalled for.
Come on, guy brags about being smart smoking trees while some "dumb" kids like YPang cant get a better grade then he does. To start off, he doesn't even know shit about how smart/dumb YPang is and what kind of school he goes too. He comes off as some arrogant kid who doesn't even realize where he's currently at and I know he isn't ANYWHERE
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On August 09 2009 13:27 food wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests. I've seen your posts/blogs, you are not smart. And I'm being generous saying just that much. Smart person would never mention being smart to begin with.
Right. Ichigo, you know that there are people who only study the night before tests and still get perfect scores on each one? Their sleep schedule corresponds with their class schedule. And every class they take is an AP class. That's eight AP classes, roughly seven tests every two school weeks, or more than a test every other day. A perfect score on every single one. That's most definitely not you. Because they're all literate.
Yang, what's most important is that you find something you enjoy doing, and that you excel at (no, not Starcraft). This isn't going to happen if you spend your time cooped up in a room studying day and night. Hell, you'll probably end up hating subjects you could have really liked. When you find this thing you really want to do, give it your all. Not like Race and his race to B, 110%, always. Colleges like kids with a passion, and with direction in their lives. Grades mean absolute shit. You know how many kids go around sporting 4.0s or 3.9s or 3,8s or whatever? No one gives a shit. Colleges don't order their applicants based on GPA and say "oh, we're not going to evaluate kids 3.6 and under." Again, that may be how it works in China, but not here.
Also, you absolutely MUST do some sort of physical activity. Better yet, play a sport. Excel at it. Spend a good deal of your time doing it. Not only will it be great for your resume/application, but you'll look better, feel better (it will help you stay positive and deal with stress), and, as people have mentioned before in this thread, you'll re-energize your brain as well.
Sorry, it's like I'm talking to an incoming freshman, and I know it's probably too late to change all of this since you'll be applying to colleges soon (START EARLY!!!!).
Also, don't study in groups, please. It's so much less effective. If you're going to hang out with friends, then hang out. If you're going to study, then study. Sure, if you need help with something, ask someone, but there's a difference between a person who doesn't know asking a person who knows and two people who don't know asking each other.
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I found the hottest boxer picture!! O M G
![[image loading]](http://cfs8.tistory.com/image/9/tistory/2008/08/01/18/58/4892de3066811)
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Physician
United States4146 Posts
this is not every summer, but one of two that will make a big difference in ur future life..
玉不琢不成器
//redouble the effort, pick up the pace
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Get 33 on ACT to satisfy your parents
Just my opinion but as long as your parents house you you should never risk doing any behavior that can get you kicked out of the house, especially if you aren't lucky enough to have people house you or you aren't willing to work full time.
If your dad comes to get you, let him beat on you but I suggest investing in a trenchcoat if he still uses the belt. One of my buddies wears that every time he comes home a little too late for his step mom and he pretends "pain" to make his stepmom satisfied
I got some tips for that test, but the main gist is simply to practice practice tests from good sources
it can be frustrating, since in some sections 1 or 2 wrong immediately drops your score but I believe that hard work pays off in the end. If you still have trouble / don't believe in yourself, maybe you should ask your parents to invest in a tutor or have a study group with some of your buddies
even if you "fail" at schoolwork (your grades are actually very good, especially if you take honors/AP) and you go to a community college, just invest in their honors program, tear that shit apart so that you can go to good tier one colleges
just never give up hope and don't let your parents get you down, hundreds of thousands of people suffer the same situation, MANY on a way worse level
and don't mind that ichigo douchebag lol
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Probably my post will get drowned out in the sea of other advice but at least id like to offer something that has ALWAYS worked for me.
I have asian parents too, but we live in england and they granted me lots of freedoms, always very supportive. In return, i would try and please them by working hard when i needed to and achieving good grades. Probably rubbish for an asian kid, but high standard for western england. I was blessed with wonderful parents who always knew the right balance and when to step in when i went too far etc.
One thing my dad told me is that when dealing with him, or anything difficult, is to be completely honest, both outside and with yourself
If you want to approach your dad, don't hide anything, be honest with yourself 100% and be honest with him 100%. Tell him you have been playing games behind his back. Tell him you have hardly been studying. Tell him the reason why you have been doing this is because your schedule is backwards, counter-productive and absolutely rediculous.
Tell him that his schedule gets you almost no studying done, forces you to hide everything from them and has even made you consider to move out.
Even if this accomplishes nothing, what can they do? You have told them nothing but the pure truth, honesty 100%. They can beat you, force your schedule even harder, but you have not lied to yourself one bit, and you have not lied to them. You really are thinking about moving out. You arn't even getting true asian support for your college fees,
If it comes to that, you can straight up say to their face, with no shame at all, that you have been completely honest with them, and told them everything, and yet all they are doing is forcing your schedule even harder, beating you even more, and you have already explained how this doesn't work
Everyone knows that for a strong college application you need a combination of work/play and hobbies/interests. Unless you're a genious, colleges hate nothing more than kids who have no interests, no life, did nothing with their youth except for study to only get above average grades, with no passion at all.
Maybe your parents will change their mind. If they do, then you have to show them for it! Play lots, study lots too! the biggest mistake western society/kids make is all play no work, but ofc you wont do that. Instead you should ACTUALLY study instead of the "no study hiding from your parents" you do now. And then when you play, you actually play.
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Ultimately, i think the worst thing you can do is lie/cheat/hide to your parents. This often makes things only more difficult and awkward to deal with. And besides, they are your parents! You don't want to miss the oppourtunity to grow a close bond with them and lose them for the rest of your life.
You want to make them proud to show that you can both be independent AND hard working. Almost certainly your grades will skyrocket if you spend half the day having fun and half the day working.
Just make sure you REALLY have fun, and you REALLY do work. Don't lie to yourself in those areas, and put the effort in where it is needed!
Good luck man, this is really the best advice i can give. This is what my dad always says to be, to be completely 100% honest with him, and with anyone in life is always the best approach when you don't know what to do
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I think I understand the situation you're in. I'm going to be a Junior next year, and I go to a VERY competitive school, so my parents are pressuring me that much more. Basically, what keeps me somewhat motivated is surrounding myself with successful and outstanding students. For example, I go to an SAT prep class on the weekends, and everyone who sits by me is getting 2300+ on their practice tests (the tests are just as if not harder than the actual SAT)... All of my friends have insane amounts of extracurriculars, either with internships at Hospitals, Colleges, or are in some insanely competitive band/ensemble (or both).
That said, being motivated isn't enough, Mindless studying isn't going to get you anywhere. Unfortunately, that's an area where knowing other people comes to play. My SAT class not only teaches me about the areas I struggle in, but it gives me information on what I should potentially watch out for based on others mistakes. Generally, it's important to have a plan of attack towards whatever test/class you're preparing for.
It sounds like you need to do well on the ACT.. I don't think you can adequately prepare for a test like that on your own unless you have a heavy amount of background knowledge... it's good to have others to learn from and gauge your own performance against. If you're sitting in your home with a textbook, it's very easy to lose track of what you should be focusing on.
My recommendation is to find some prep class (a good one) in your area. I don't think your parents would refuse something like that, yet it won't be quite as monotonous as sitting at your desk all day. You'll learn more and be automatically placed on a focused path towards achieving your goals.
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On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests.
i would fucking punch u in the face if i ever met u
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Korea (South)11584 Posts
i wish my parents were strict with my grades. That way i wouldn't of only had a 2.86 GPA in high school.
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On August 09 2009 16:03 v1rtu0so wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:40 Ichigo1234551 wrote:
i feel sorry for you lol. I dont even study and I have same grade as you. Its feel good to be a smart asian though . I just smoke weed everyday and only study before tests. i would fucking punch u in the face if i ever met u
if i ever meet you in real life we will probably exchange greetings and awkwardly start up a conversation about starcraft that would slowly wither until we were left with a heavy silence.
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maybe you are not very interesting person?
to the OP:
It really seems like your parents have drifted beyond what seems reasonable, regardless of their intent. If I were you, I would pick an opportune time (maybe when you are in relative good terms with your parents) and just reason with them earnestly, explaining how this regime is far far from what is efficient and best for your future.
And if this attempt fails (or you get a beating because of it), I would then just accept that their attitude will not change any time soon. In that case, I would be just like, "Fuck it, I will just fucking own SAT/ACT, go to a good college, show them what's up." This is also what would also probably serve you well, regardless of what they think.
Another thing: If you are applying to UCs or state schools, simply decent SATs and GPA will get you in most of the time. However, if you are also considering some private schools, a strong essay will really put you in the game even if your stats are not up to par. Since you had go through so much shit, you could probably write a really effective/touching essay on overcoming and coping with this lifestyle. Of course, don't go as to far to incriminate your parents too much: I'm sure you don't want to send them to jail. Especially if your letters of rec sort of enforce this resilience of character, you will definitely have a strong application. If you ever want help in this area, you can PM me. i ended up in a top 5 us univ, so i am not a total hack at this.
Anyway, I really applaud you for keeping sanity and i hope u the best
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Come on YPang you're not a fuckup. I can't offer any advice and my parents aren't nearly as bad as yours, but whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.
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The sad truth is, universities don't want someone boring who sits at home and gets a perfect SAT. They want someone interesting who will contribute positively to the university while they are there.
Try and use this to convince your parents to let you do something else educational that you enjoy instead.
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i've read all the posts, and heh i think i've decided to make up a solid schedule just for myself givin what i have. As in studying, and only studying for a fwe specific hours, and giong on SC the other hours. I don't feel like trying to start some conflict cuz its only 1 year left, and i dont feel the need for it. Plus after im done taking this test in september, they might back off as well.
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I think the best you can do is just try to meet them halfway with the studying, and explain to them what you're doing. Stay calm and reasonable, and show that you do care about what they think.
Also, I'd be hesitant to take their "offer" of an interest-free loan for college. I think that potential feeling of indebtedness might make getting a part-time job a better option.
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Ouch. I'm a "school smart" Asian (completely from genetics too >.> ) living in America and my parents are really lenient. I really hope your situation gets better. Good luck.
Oh, and make sure you have some fun in college. It should make up for all the crap you're being put through at the moment.
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i've read all the posts, and heh i think i've decided to make up a solid schedule just for myself givin what i have. As in studying, and only studying for a fwe specific hours, and giong on SC the other hours. I don't feel like trying to start some conflict cuz its only 1 year left, and i dont feel the need for it. Plus after im done taking this test in september, they might back off as well. Given that you're indoors, maybe you should go outside and make some friends during that SC time.
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My parents used to be similar to you as well, but probably way less strict. Eventually around the time in highschool, they stopped trying to be abusive.
I remember distinctly catching the fucking belt they tried to hit me with and threatening to hit them back. After that day that shit never happened ever again, and they have become chill ass parents especially now that I'm in college.
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On August 09 2009 22:03 YPang wrote:
i've read all the posts, and heh i think i've decided to make up a solid schedule just for myself givin what i have. As in studying, and only studying for a fwe specific hours, and giong on SC the other hours. I don't feel like trying to start some conflict cuz its only 1 year left, and i dont feel the need for it. Plus after im done taking this test in september, they might back off as well.
That is a good way too look at it man, fighting with your parents is completely fucking useless for many reasons.
First of all they were alive before you, they decided to have you (hopefully) and have a clear plan for what they want you to do. Obviously arguing is not going to change that fact. The only thing you can do is lay low until college then you are free. Feel lucky your parents are paying for your college, that means zero loans until you have a job and can afford to pay it back..
This is not just happening to you, i had to retake a math class over the summer in order to get out of probation (im fucking white) and the class was INSANELY fast. Guess what? there were a bunch of 14 year old asian kids in it (this is college BY THE WAY), getting higher grades than me and i had already taken the damn class before... Just get through senior year without any bruises and you will be fine. You are probably thinking you are missing out on all sorts of amazing senior year things, but its mostly just hanging out.. You will have a fuckin blast in college because you will be free.
As far as the ACT goes, retake that shit and just do other things while you pretend to study, write a book if your parents really are that strict, it looks like studying and its worth your time much more than fucking around with friends or w/e you might be doing.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooorrr you could be a total badass and break free right now.\
Gather what money you have, line up a job in cali, get your friend to come along and say fuck off mom and dad, ill become a surfer.!! just weigh the consequences if you choose this option :D
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After reading this I truly appreciate how awesome my parents are for not pressuring me to do anything yet still allowing me to succeed. Just hang in there dude, maybe try talking to them about how you feel.
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I'm asian, but i'm not a school smart asian, i admit. I have a 3.6 gpa, and i scored 26 on my ACT's i'm not going to lie. But that is HORRIBLE for an asian kid.
Sadly, your right about that, honestly.
Man, that sucks dude. Massive respect to you for remaining sane though. That's hard to do. Good luck on your exams and life in general.
I concur.
What you need to do is lower the bar from childhood, and keep them out of contact with other Asians! It certainly takes a lot of time, and might not work against super strict Asians though .
Good luck!
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You'll appreciate all of this later down the line, or go ballistic. Hopefully the former.
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On August 09 2009 09:46 n.DieJokes wrote:
That sucks but deep down I wish I could have traded places with you; my parents are very laid back, I fill out all the forms and signed up for all the courses and decided whether or not I wanted to study. I'm a better student than my parents ever were (and they were pretty good, it was just a different time) but I always wonder how good I could have been if I had been pushed instead of doing all the pushing. Especially as I apply to colleges and I know I'm gonna be rejected from my top choices even if my parents think I'm being pessimistic. Idk maybe I did well because they were laid back but they took a huge gamble on me. Just another perspective, gl dude
Same here. And my family is damn poor thanks to my father not being able to make money and my mother being a people pleaser with no life.
To OP: Time = life. If you waste your time you're wasting your life. Knowing what to do is meaningless if you don't take action.
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i just read a news about Chinese uni students committing suicide because they can't get a job. Oh god don't be one of them! And I think you won't.
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On August 12 2009 10:31 Garnet wrote:
i just read a news about Chinese uni students committing suicide because they can't get a job. Oh god don't be one of them! And I think you won't.
nah im not like that 8D...
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My parents used to be like that, I used to get around their supervision by waking up at 2 - 3 am then I would start to play WoW( a year ago when WoW was still fun) until 6-7 am, then I would sleep till I wake up then I would study.Also both my parents work full time so I would have time to play computer when they aren't home. But I got in university last month now I basically do anything I want, hang in there, time flies.
Also to touch on the abusive dad thing, my dads kinda like your dad too it's pretty much all the same with Asian parents, my Korean friend's dad is an artist who does sculptures, he told me his dad used to beat him with his hammer(LOL). With my dad this one day I just got so fed up I started arguing with him that his method isn't Fing working and he should just leave me alone so I can get some shit done, and I started to fight back(defend I should say) basically when he tried to beat me, he then accidentally broke the window and my mom got in and had massive spasm over both of us and I didn't talk to my dad for 2 -3 weeks(Not the first time). But at the end of the day his still your father and when you look back you will see that it is for your OWN good.
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On August 09 2009 09:31 YPang wrote:[rant] I'm not sure if i feel pissed or sad right now. But my dad is a fucken asshole... I dont even know where to begin. I guess firstly i would like to post my life schedule that my parents wants me to live by. + Show Spoiler [Summer Schedule] +SUMMER SCHEDULE:
7:30-wake up
8:00-12am Study ACT's/SAT's until 12am
1-5pm-Study more ACT/SAT's
7-8PM - Run
8-11:30pm - Do AP homework. As you can see i literally have NO room for "fun". The only times i had a friend over was on november of 2008, and then i had them come again 2 weeks ago. That was it. I basically cannot do anything Except study (DURING THE SUMMER)... As many of you TLnetter's know that i am forbidden to play starcraft, view teamliquid, go on any other sites thats not related to studies excluding CNN and newsites. If it wasn't for starcraft and teamliquid/MSN(i'm forbidden to use MSN/AIM as well, thats why i use meebo so when my parents come i can alt f4 it faster than MSN) i would have literally no social contact/communication at ALL. ----------- I'm asian, but i'm not a school smart asian, i admit. I have a 3.6 gpa, and i scored 26 on my ACT's i'm not going to lie. But that is HORRIBLE for an asian kid. So as a result, today they even tightens my schedule(I have no idea how thats possible), and basically further implement it because they want me to get a 30+ on my next ACT's. The funny thing is that, i think what they're doing is really counter productive but there's no way i can bring it up to them without being shit on. But honestly though, who can fucken concentrate all day doing some stupid standardize testing bullshit. Holyshit i'm being trained like a standardized test taking progamer right now except im not actually doing much at all. I do do some studying but not NEARLY as much as they expect me to. Plus i was really looking forwards to senior year next year because i wanted to do cross country, but of course i shoulda saw it coming, they denied it and made me study 24/7 again next senior year. I was pretty down for that week when they told me i couldn't do it anymore AFTER i got my physical exam done and everything. I did cross country/track my Sophmore year because first i wanted to get out of my house and 2nd according to my parents its something i put on my college application. They tried to persuade me so much to play tennis instead cuz they said all asian kids were doing it cuz its easy and you put it on your college, but i managed to refuse and still do track. Ironically i had my HIGHEST GPA the semester i did cross country, SO as a result they believe that "If i didn't do any other sports my grade would go even higher"... So of course i was denied to doing anything my Junior year and studyied 24/7, and boom my GPA dropped, and they were wondering "WHY?! u study 24/7 and ur gpa still suck balls". So now i can't do any sports next year, and im forced to study all day. I've tried explaining the concept to them that i cannot study all day and concentrate like that, but of course they were really close minded... ---------------- All of this is not even mentioning the fact that my dad was/is really abusive as well, my first memory of my ass getting kicked was when i was like 3 or 4, and i accidentally spilled some milk, and he got me down and started rolling/kicking me with this foot. These sorta things continued all the way until i was 17 (which is this year). He used to spit on me and belt me which resulted in clear red swollen skin. This year however he was about to do it again after getting my ACT score, but i told him to "Fuck off and i can't stand your bullshit anymore" in the most mannerful way in chinese i could think of at the moment. But man i've thought about leaving home SEVERAL times, i have a good friend n we talked about sharing an apartment together, he agreed that he would be able to do it if i could. But i know my parents would not allow me to do that. Anyways i'm turning 18 this upcoming september, and just counting off the days until i go to college leave ... I do realize that my dad's abusive behavior comes from his mom, and its passed down from generation and generation, but i've made a promise to myself that i would stop this shit when i get my kids. I wanna even tatoo it on my arm to remind myself about it even more. Peace out~ [/rant]
Let them know that Companies in the "real world" don't care what University you went to, or where you got your degree. In fact, some of the better programs for specific majors aren't even major state universities nor Ivy League schools. My mothers community college for her RN degree (Nursing) was one of the best in the state and it was a CC. She makes 70,000+ a year and spent about 1/20th or less than the average State Uni. grad.
Point is. A degree is a degree. An Ivy League degree or even many State Uni degrees are simply the equivalent to E-peens on the internet. You will see once you become older, perhaps now the best way to inform your parents is to actually go around to various companies and document first-hand then show them that
1) Getting into a State University isn't difficult at all
2) Companies do not care where you got your degree from
3) You are a man and you will show yourself as such (Do this when you turn 18, but be a man about it and not a whiny child)
4) GPA is pretty much irrelevant (as long as it isn't 2.0 and below).
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On August 09 2009 10:38 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2009 10:36 VictorW wrote:On August 09 2009 09:46 YPang wrote:But yea they said they'd pay my college fees, but i'd have to pay them back except without interest fees like in banks. WTF you have to pay them back?! I've never heard of that happen to any Asian person I've ever known. On August 09 2009 09:41 MoltkeWarding wrote:
All I can say is that you must start thinking about the unthinkable, and the consequences of simply saying no. I agree with this. Say something like you can't concentrate and you need to take a break sometimes. The alternative can't get any worse unless your dad gets physical. Would he still hit you? Or hit you in front of your mom? And, alternatively, you can just lie. I knew some people in my high school who were in pretty much the same situation as you. Aren't you in after school clubs to help with your college apps? Any time you go out, just say it's for a community service, studying, a group project, etc. They literally lied to their parents 90% of the time when we went out. Even during the summer, you can just say you want to study with some friends or you're getting a head start on community service or something. lol its a great idea and everything, but they dont let me study with other people O_O, they just say i'm just going to play. I've tried.
So say "fuck you assholes" and leave anyway? I mean they can't ground you anymore than you already are right.... Although I dunno if you're big enough to best your dad in a physical fight so that depends if this is an option or not.
In any case, you're not a fuck up, your parents are. Just try and get through the year and get to college.
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On August 09 2009 14:45 Physician wrote:
this is not every summer, but one of two that will make a big difference in ur future life..
玉不琢不成器
//redouble the effort, pick up the pace
lol Phsysician's true identity is revealed:
Master Troll
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On August 09 2009 09:31 YPang wrote:
But man i've thought about leaving home SEVERAL times, i have a good friend n we talked about sharing an apartment together, he agreed that he would be able to do it if i could. But i know my parents would not allow me to do that.
That's not LEAVING HOME, leaving home is when you LEAVE HOME and rent an apartment with or without your parents' consent. Some options:
1. Get into a uni far, far away from home so you can live by yourself.
2. Take the plunge, borrow money for one month's rent and move out, then get a job while studying to pay rent.
From personal experience, I find relationships with parents improve tremendously when you're out of the house.
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EPT
