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RenSC2
United States1082 Posts
You know you're in a hole, so quit making the hole worse. Quit trying to rationalize your next shovelful. Are you going to keep digging until you hit rock bottom and can't dig any further? Or are you going to make this the bottom by stopping your digging? That's your choice. | ||
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_fool
Netherlands682 Posts
On November 26 2014 16:26 RenSC2 wrote: "If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." You know you're in a hole, so quit making the hole worse. Quit trying to rationalize your next shovelful. Are you going to keep digging until you hit rock bottom and can't dig any further? Or are you going to make this the bottom by stopping your digging? That's your choice. I'd say he's pretty much there already. I feel bad for your gf. At least be honest with her. | ||
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Gamegene
United States8308 Posts
maybe you can relate to this. cause i can't relate to either of you when it comes to addiction. | ||
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jakethesnake
Canada4948 Posts
And get help. No life is beyond redemption no matter what you have done, but you'll never be able to do it alone. Get real professional help and don't just ask your friends what you should do. Get real help from people who are trained to do this. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
First thing you do is be honest with her. The next thing you do is you tell her you need to get your shit together. I don't know if they have a thing like bankruptcy where you live, but outside of getting a free legal consultation, that might be your next option. After you have told her everything, and I mean everything, you be prepared for her to break up with you because you are a shitty person for the stuff you've done. Go to treatment after that, free treatment and counseling at things like gambling anon at churches if you have no other options. You get back on your feet after that, you get a job and you beg for her back for months. You never return to that side of yourself, ever. | ||
BisuDagger
Bisutopia19316 Posts
On November 26 2014 12:55 obesechicken13 wrote: The amount of debt you have is nothing compared to what the average american graduating from a private school or expensive public school has after graduation. What kind of propaganda have you got yourself into? I went to a private school because the education was excellent. I have student loans, but my education allows me to work at a high paying job and not live in poverty. As for the OP, I can't lend to much advice. The best option is to go to rehab for gambling addiction and tell your gf and family everything. Sometimes being completely open and honest is the best way to restore your health and mind. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On November 27 2014 03:39 BisuDagger wrote: What kind of propaganda have you got yourself into? I went to a private school because the education was excellent. I have student loans, but my education allows me to work at a high paying job and not live in poverty. As for the OP, I can't lend to much advice. The best option is to go to rehab for gambling addiction and tell your gf and family everything. Sometimes being completely open and honest is the best way to restore your health and mind. The propaganda of living there and applying to schools and looking at tuition rates? Fuck, even a 10k tuition grows to larger loan sizes than what OP has. I have one. Or if you want facts I can look up average student debt upon graduation at a 4 year college/un in the states. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2065 Posts
As I said before, addiction is sort of a general disease. There isn't any one thing that people need until the dependency kicks in, and addicts will often bounce around from different vices until they find their 'drug of choice' but will just as easily substitute that for something else when they can't get their drug of choice. In your case, you have primarily a gambling addiction, with a history of drug use. Since you aren't doing drugs or gambling it manifests into a sexual addiction, which is buying hookers and shit. This is very common. As for your gf, she is quite classically a co-dependent. She needs to get into some treatment herself, (alanon is a good place for her to start) if she wants to help herself help you. She's enabling you big time, and you know that of course. Go to any meeting in your area and ask for some help (NA, MA, GA, SA, AA etc). If you can't find one in your area (hard to believe) just find a good medical program, go to a clinic or something and explain the same things you explained here to an addiction medicine specialist. If you want to understand this better, an easy place to start is here http://www.reddit.com/r/DrDrew/comments/20xqe8/i_timestamp_all_profound_things_from_drews/ ctrl+f to addict, drug, disease, trauma, recovery, treatment, etc and go listen to all the relevant timestamps. However, know that just understanding the disease and your condition isn't enough. You NEED to get into treatment or it will only get worse. Some people claim to kick their vices without a program, most of them are so-called 'white knucklers' which is essentially not treating their underlying isses and disease and trying to manage the depression, irritiability, anxiety, etc that comes with the lack of proper treatment when battling this disease. The way people heal and manage this kind of disease is through human interaction (among other things). You will find people with similar life stories as you that you can relate with and learn what works and what doesn't work with managing your impulses and urges etc. It takes work, and you have to really want it for it to work. It's fairly common for people to relapse (even a couple of times), but ultimately they can recover and know how to deal and manage those things. 1- find a group and medical professional. 2- get a sponsor. 3- work the steps. PS- As far as your therapist, she's not doing a good job, or simply doesn't know how/wasn't trained in how to treat you. I would suggest asking her for a recommendation for a therapist who has experience with addicts. Therapy shouldn't be fun, it should suck. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
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MarlieChurphy
United States2065 Posts
On November 27 2014 05:39 CosmicSpiral wrote: Murphy, he should take your advice with a HEAVY grain of salt. And why is that? | ||
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Bunn
Estonia934 Posts
and do some self-reflection to see, if you really need those things in your life. maybe you'll get control of your life back, or at least focus your energy on more meaningful things. at the moment you're hiding away from your problems and you keep piling them all up, until it reaches a tipping point, where it all gets out of hand. when that happens, you'll just fall into a deep state of compulsive lying, depression, anxiety visit a psychologist with your problems ( be completely honest ), talk to your girlfriend about it. You can't face it all alone - it's a lot easier to share your burden with close ones, or talk with a doctor, than try to fix it all by yourself. The state you're in right now, won't allow you to see the bigger, clearer picture and your mind is tunnel visioning. Get help ASAP! | ||
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nunez
Norway4003 Posts
On November 26 2014 12:55 obesechicken13 wrote: You've definitely got to: Stop with the drug use. That shit's expensive and it messes with your head. More than alcohol or coffee, I hear weed makes you not care about doing anything. Alcohol lets you forget but it's just there the next day. Your problems don't leave, they just come back and you have one less day to deal with them. come on bro, don't let someone else talk out of your ass. not caring about doing anything is there to begin with. when you feel like stuff is pointless any drug (or any other avenue of escape) is gonna be delicious, and be abused. that is your nature. @jock should heavily reduce the weed until you are more in control. if something isn't gonna work, then make an effort to get a clean break fast. reduce your life to a manageable number of variables. focus on short term goals. try lsd. good luck! | ||
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weikor
Austria580 Posts
Honestlly, with things like this its Quit or Fail. Theres no slowly easing off addictions. You either get it together or dont. It doesnt matter how old you are, this is the youngest you will be in your life. Its time to make a choice. oh and you need to tell your Gf, youre ruining her life as well. Even if she might leave her if you tell her - its the only fair thing to do. | ||
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ETisME
12700 Posts
It's only going to get worse as you get older. Work is not always boring, out there we have millions of different jobs types in different industry, you cannot summarize it with it being boring. You haven't give up yourself, you are just too afraid to lose what you have remaining now. If you want to set as an example then set one that is meaningful, do it for the rest who are struggling. | ||
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Aveng3r
United States2411 Posts
Beyond that I got nothin. Gl. | ||
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brickrd
United States4894 Posts
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MarlieChurphy
United States2065 Posts
On November 27 2014 11:55 brickrd wrote: you seem like a megalomaniac tbh When people are deep in the throes of addictions, they exude all kinds of symptoms and conditions. I know at least 2 people personally that have been diagnosed with serious mental conditions just because of their psychosis from their addictions. | ||
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brickrd
United States4894 Posts
On November 27 2014 12:10 MarlieChurphy wrote: When people are deep in the throes of addictions, they exude all kinds of symptoms and conditions. I know at least 2 people personally that have been diagnosed with serious mental conditions just because of their psychosis from their addictions. i am a recovered addict, i understand that psychological symptoms come with addiction but it doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your own care | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45367 Posts
Quit the drinking and drugs and gambling. Find a support group or meeting that you can attend with people who have been in your situation before. They can give you more guidance than people who have never met you and haven't lived through your experiences before. Do it for yourself, and more importantly, do it for the girl who loves you and is currently throwing away her life to put up with you. Work hard, get the money back, make yourself and her proud. Your case is a prime example of how high IQ doesn't really equate to high intelligence (or at least, common sense). Get through this and turn your life around; don't waste your potential. I repeat: Get your shit together. Best of luck <3 | ||
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Kazahk
United States385 Posts
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