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It's a funny thing you know... You sit up at night thinking about all of the close scores you've missed and relive all of the wins that are few and far between...I started gambling since I was 5-6 years old with my dad going to the horse races and knew how to read the form to handicap better than most people ever do. By the time I was 17 I was sneaking in places to place poker and even had an online account set up to play under my older brother's name and social so I could always get my fix. Now mind you at this time I was in high school, working at a fast food joint and yet still found ways to funnel a good portion of my cash towards my habit.
I remember playing in my first real money tournament for $10. It was a 9 man tournament and I felt like shit when I lost. I couldn't believe that I just lost that money. It was an odd feeling now that I look back at things. I was making $9.15 an hour and even a small loss hurt. But when you get that taste of victory, the thrill of the bluff, the 5-1 or better longshot horse winning a race for you...You are hooked.
As time has gone by my problem only grew larger... I continued my journey to bigger and better things really to only fuel my gambling problem. Mind you I love to win and I love to be the best at what I do because in reality if you're the best in sales, your paycheck will also show that. I would work 6-7 days a week when I look a heavy loss and had to borrow money to cover my bills. Whether it was rent, car note, cell phone, bookie etc... I just always would work myself out of the jam. I knew If I could just continue to sell my products I'd be okay.
There are so many nights where this demon has tormented me. I am so well respected at my job because of my success and I always have the new guys ask me what it is that motivates me. I always tell them I sell like I am desperate and that the sky is falling. You can tell that they think I am joking but it is just my own sick reality. I sell out of desperation to cover my losses from the prior month. I can lose 5k and be in the hole but I know if I can sell what I need to sell I can make that plus enough to feed my problem.
The biggest thing is that when I am back in the positive and I have $$$ burning in my bank account and wallet I become like a crazed lunatic... I don't really care to work. I just want to go back and try to make a quick buck and continue to do so. The only time I focus on work is when I've exhausted all of my funds and need to get back to the drawing board to recoup my losses.
I've been bailed out countless times but it has always come at a cost. I've ruined friendships, relationships with women that I have loved, family.... You name it, I've destroyed it. It has become a sickness and a cruel merry-go-round of involuntary poverty.
Has anyone ever battled through such a thing? How have you beaten this? I've tried for years to do so but it has been something I have fought to no avail. I have left countless jobs because my losses continued to swell and I have no other alternative than to find a better paying job to quickly cover the losses. I don't talk about it much but it's just been weighing on my mind and soul the last few months a lot worse than normal and I just needed to let it out. Thanks for taking the time to read this and any one who's had this struggle I would love to hear from you and how you've fought this off.
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United States24495 Posts
I think there are support groups for this similar to AA.
If you treat this the way you treat alcoholism, then the answer is 0 recreational gambling (like 0 drinks for alcoholics). The problem is that many elements of your life are a form of gambling, so you can't completely avoid it the way you can avoid putting alcohol into your system.
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i wish you good luck in understanding profoundly your problems
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United States1225 Posts
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/locations
Gambler's Anonymous is a fantastic program. I have friends and family who have worked with their local groups to fight their problems.
Stay strong. Take it one day at a time. You can do this man.
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Though a gambling habit is less concrete and usually more psychologically driven than a straight chemical addiction, this is very much the same kind of thing. The chemicals you're habituated to are simply produced in your own brain off the rush of a longshot victory, instead of smoked/snorted/shot.
Read this again, slightly edited:
On October 26 2014 04:44 eWaSouLTakeR wrote:
I started drinking since I was 10-12 years old with my dad going to the pub and knew how to order mixed drinks off the form better than most people ever do. By the time I was 17 I was sneaking in places for booze and even had a fake ID set up to drink on my own under my older brother's name and social so I could always get my fix. Now mind you at this time I was in high school, working at a fast food joint and yet still found ways to funnel a good portion of my cash towards my habit.
I can empathize, bro. I never got seriously into gambling (probably only because I got myself attuned to other rushes first) but I've endured several hardcore chemical addictions personally. The only thing that stopped me short of complete self-destruction was the realization that I was turning into my old man, the most hated figure in my life, and that somehow if I let that happen it would mean the total loss of myself with no hope of redemption, or forgiveness of self.
Your workplace successes are a blessing and a curse. It sounds like you're a "lucky" one, intelligent enough & capable enough to excel in sales such that you've always found a way to feed the monkey without having to actually get him off your back. Of course, this means that the purpose in your life has been subverted to feed this parasite, instead of being able to live for yourself & loved ones. Some people are capable enough to keep this kind of thing going for quite a long time, somehow managing to stay a step ahead (or at least catch back up), often sacrificing much personally in order to do so. Eventually, however, we all run out of steam and get exhausted by the struggle. I kept it together for 10 years of success in the corporate world before it became too much and pretty much burnt me out completely.
I'm sure your family especially would love to see you confront this & start dealing with it, rather than continue to wear on their trust/confidence/patience for you - not to mention having any chance of enjoying a healthy family dynamic in your own household in the future.
Final thought: I have a couple of old college friends who used to talk shit about me & my predilection for partying hard. A guy (not) named Patrick in particular would even bring it up to girls I was seeing, basically insinuating that I was a junkie shitbag & they'd be much better off with him. These guys still share a collegiate apartment in their 30's because of their gambling. Every weekend they're at the Indian casinos, working a table together, trying to get ahead. They still can't admit out loud that there is any problem at all, while still managing to look down their noses at me for being an "ex-junkie". I've been told by a very drunken Patrick that "I may lose at cards sometimes, but I never lost at life enough to do drugs". LOL.
Don't be Patrick.
Edit: Re-reading my post, I realized I just commiserated without encouragement or suggestions. My apologies man. You used the term "problem" but not "addiction"; I was attempting to correlate the two. However, you clearly recognize what's going on & want to take control of it - which is huge! Follow that link posted above & find a local group, it won't hurt anything except your pride. Even if you don't commit to that particular program, you will meet people who totally get what you're going through. Shoot me a pm if you want to talk or maybe some encouragement to go through with it.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51435 Posts
I quit cold turkey from a story "similar" but not as hardcore as yours.
I too started gambling from when i was 10, i used to go the pub and play cards with my dad and his friends for money, mainly my allowance/pocket money back then. It wouldn't be much but it would be the beginning for me. From then on i would also bet on the big horse racing festivals from the age of 12 with getting my dad to put the bets on. At the age of 15 i too used my brothers details to set up a poker account in which i got into serious debt with at the start haha. I was $200 in the whole at 15 without a job. How i got out of this still is beyond me, i think i even managed to bug paypal into not owing that money anymore.
After that i was starting a poker ring with some friends i met online who were all in there 20s, we would join sit and go tables as 3 of us and fix hands and make sure we finished top 3 to then split the money between us. Did that for about 6 months until one guy randomly disappeared.
By the time i hit 18 i was gambling on Horses and Poker for a lot. I also spent my birthday in a casino which wasn't good. I remember that fondly as i was up like £200 on blackjack with my mum looking over my shoulder going wooow, what you doing cash out lets go. For me to say hold on im on a streak. To then lose it all and be made to look stupid.
I then continued this until i was about 19 i think, i was in a big poker tournament, £10 buy in bounty hunter on Sky Poker. It was a good tournament, about 500 odd people enter maybe more. Prize pool of £5k guaranteed. I managed to get top 5 in this and the tournament is shown live on sky. It obviously is not you sat there but your avatar from the online room and they show the hands (after they have happened) and discuss it with poker pros. I remember when they discussed my hand, it was a 3 way all in, i was mid stacked in chips and then won the triple all in with some luck on the river and went to chip leader before i knew it. But again i got caught with my pants down and crashed out in 5th place. Still pocketed £350. I remember going into my dad and switching over the tv to show them i was on it haha.
From then onwards i have never played poker, why i don't know i just felt like i should stop. I however then turned my attention to Horses. I went crazy for the next 2 years on this and bet some big money, got some nice wins but some big loses. Until this year when i stopped. I put aside £50 for stake money on day one. I finished day 3 (out of 4!) with £350 in my account, a nice £300 profit? Pretty good huh. I was thinking nice, easy money. I went home and told my parents for my mum to say why don't you withdraw and leave £250 in your account, that way you have stake money and profit guaranteed. I thought about it and nothing more said. Following day i lost the first race and chased my tail....ended up withdrawing with just a £50 profit.
Thats when i knocked horse racing on the head too 
Now i rarely bet, just the odd one on say a Darts event, or Snooker. Maybe even get into ESPORT betting soon as i think that could be quite fun. But the fact is you need to limit yourself as quick as you can. You are way more into it than i was by the sounds of it and the thrill of gambling is such a lure. You will need to either get your bank to curb how much you can deposit into bookies or something or stop cold turkey which sounds hard. Good luck though.
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I played holdem up until nl50 and now I am learning omaha but I never had the gambling issue. Mainly because I think the games are based on skill and lucky plays actually seem wrong to me. And I never liked this feeling of the 20% : 80% underdog winning the hand because I knew although I won the pot I actually played wrong, with -eV and such plays are to be avoided. When I am with the 80% I just think "Good, play like crap again and again, next 4 times your stack is mine.". So I guess I just don't see poker as a gambling game but just as a game with incomplete information about the other people's hands, it's the thrill of guessing the correct ranges that is fun and fulfilling to me, the money won or lost are actually insignificant.
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EPT
