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On October 08 2013 09:18 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Your friend is obviously not fit for the real world as of yet. Get his dad involved so he can crack the whip on your friend's lazy ass. Money at this point is secondary, you can get the dad to pay you back or not, it doesn't really matter. What is important is that your friend is taught how not to be a bum and a beggar.
I'm an empathetic kind of guy. Honestly, most people who are homeless don't want to be homeless, but are kind of lost in the world or are not ready/able to get around in the "real world" so well. They just need a helping hand. Your friend is refusing this helping hand and needs a kick in the fucking ass to accept the fact he's fucked up. I feel like there is more to this story than we are being told or more than the OP knows. I'd suggest going to his father, not asking for the money, and asking him to pick up his son and take him to get some psychological counseling. You're not getting your money back, but you can use that money to press people to make sure your friend stays safe.
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I reread this and it seems more and more likely to me that you friend has something like a mental illness or drug addiction.
- do you actually know he quit and was not fired? Doesn't his excuse seem silly?
- he's told contradictory things to you and your friend about the status of his relationship with his parents, which to me indicates they may have cut him off. It makes no sense that he would refuse their money out of pride.
- it seems very unlikely to me that he's so lazy that he's going to be homeless in fucking freezing sweden rather than work - something else might be occupying his time?
- He was getting money from the government? I'm unclear on this - how do you know there was actually a problem with his studymoney paperwork and this was not a lie?. If was getting money, and he was still borrowing from you, where is all this cash going? Very strange, yes?
It seems highly probable to me that your friend is a junkie and you have been essentially feeding his drug habit. Of course it is also possible that is not true, I'm just saying what seems *most* likely.
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On October 08 2013 05:36 TOCHMY wrote:
Thanks for all the advice and views guys!
I'd say there must be a problem. I've known the guy since we were like 6 years old, albeit never really close, we always hung out. And he's not a dickhead bum.
If i think about it, he's a really special guy, hard to fit in and super shy, even towards us "close" friend that he hangs out with. So if there's some problem with his dad, he won't tell us.
But I don't really know his father either, it was like 7 or 8 years since I last met him. I dunno what to do really. I told him to his father to sell his stuff (like excessive videogames and magic cards, some of which he actually bought while owing me money), and send the money to my bankaccount. He responded that he can give me his playstation and games so I can sell it... So I feel like he really, really don't want to involve his dad.
I would just avoid the subject for now. You can't get blood from a stone(old saying that means you can't get something from nothing). The guy is broke, depressed and likely has everyone else chasing him for money. If he gets a roof over his head and at some point gets spending money, he can work on paying you back. If he wants to give you his belongings in exchange for money(and you are willing to accept that), then I guess you could do that too.
But chasing people who are broke for money is a waste of time and will only harass him. Just accept that fact that you might never get your money back and just hope your friends life doesn't get any worse.
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Does he not have family who can support him? O_o
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Give him a reasonable time limit, and say if he doesn't get it to you by then, you're going to involve his dad. Or ask for small periodic payments (start small while he's jobless, but increase the amount as soon as he has steady income).
And get him to sell his own damn Playstation/games. If he doesn't have a job, then he should be writing job apps for most of the day and selling that stuff for the rest of the day. -__-
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On October 08 2013 12:25 babylon wrote:
Give him a reasonable time limit, and say if he doesn't get it to you by then, you're going to involve his dad. Or ask for small periodic payments (start small while he's jobless, but increase the amount as soon as he has steady income).
And get him to sell his own damn Playstation/games. If he doesn't have a job, then he should be writing job apps for most of the day and selling that stuff for the rest of the day. -__-
Yeah wtf... It's not your job to sell his stuff to get your money. What the hell is he doing with all his time anyways? Clearly not working.
I'm inclined to say don't get your hopes up on getting you're money back. I mean it's worth poking at to see, but I'd still cut ties with him regardless of whether you actually do or don't get your money back.
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Don't want to be too harsh here, but you are who you hang out with. This guy sounds like a loser and already his "friendship" has cost you financially and most likely emotionally as well. Forget the money and count it as a learning experience. Remove this guy from your life would be my advice. I've had plenty of friends and family in my life that did this. These relationships cost me around $17,000 before I wised up after having kids and saw how destructive irresponsible people are to those around them.
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Wow a lot of people have really good opinions in this thread. This is really cool and somewhat surprising. I sort of expected a lot more, "cut all ties with this asshole," posts.
<3 the people in this blog.
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Hey guys,
some FAQ:
His work - I don't know if he got fired or if he quit. I can see the "I didn't fit in" excuse working, because the guy doesn't fit in with a lot of people. Still, it's a real bad excuse after borrowing money from me (This was the point that I said no to more moneylending).
His dad - I basically do not know anything else than what I've heard from my friends. The bloke who owes me states that they "abandoned" him, while a mutual friend says that his dad has offered help but the bloke refuses it. How he knows this, I don't know. So yes, there seems to be some problems there that I don't know about, and maybe have nothing to do with. I'm afraid that I'll stir up some shit if I involve his dad.
And for those who says "Ask him about it". It's not that simple. It's hard to explain, but this dude he's like shy with us close friends. When asked, he just puts on a weird face or dodges the question, or just doesn't answer at all.
School subsidy - He didn't get money from the government as far as I know. That's what he told me at least. First there was some trouble with the papers (could as well be him not attending school properly, getting too much abscense). And after 3 months, without subsidy according to him, he quit school. To start the new job. That he left a month later...
He's not a junkie, thats for sure.
I think the problem really is that he is a really socially awkward guy, who enjoys solitude and LoL, who's become too comfortable with getting money without doing anything himself.
I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do here. I've taken in all your thoughts and advice, I've asked my parents for advice and my friends. Everyone has had similar advice. Someone mentioned suicide in this thread. This is a possibilty that I fear is very real. That's why I don't want to push him. I guess the only real option is involving his dad, even though I don't know the situation there. Even if I don't get my money from his dad, maybe he can help his son better than I can...
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You were naive and he used you. Your "friend" is a parasite that will keep leeching off of other people as long as they let him.
Also, your math sucks: 400 + 300 + 400 + 300 = 1400.
I hope you get your money back but otherwise this will be a good lesson in trust.
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How do his problems compare to you, in all your luxury, having 1300 Euro less?
Stop caring about something as ridiculous as cash and start helping your friend!
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On October 08 2013 18:22 Passion wrote:
How do his problems compare to you, in all your luxury, having 1300 Euro less?
Stop caring about something as ridiculous as cash and start helping your friend!
How about you take over the debt for him and pay me my 1300 euros if it's as ridiculous as you claim?
And if you read my post literally 2 posts above yours, you'd indeed know that I'm trying my best to help him still, after 2 years and 1300 euros...
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On October 08 2013 18:25 TOCHMY wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2013 18:22 Passion wrote:
How do his problems compare to you, in all your luxury, having 1300 Euro less?
Stop caring about something as ridiculous as cash and start helping your friend! How about you take over the debt for him and pay me my 1300 euros if it's as ridiculous as you claim? And if you read my post literally 2 posts above yours, you'd indeed know that I'm trying my best to help him still, after 2 years and 1300 euros...
I have my own friends with their own debts.
But it's good to see you react in such feisty manner, I guess that's some guilt showing. At the same time, no reason to be so aggressive towards me. I don't owe you anything. I'm just trying to help you better your ways.
Do you need the 1300 to the point you're starving? No. So stop acting like you're some Samaritan.
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On October 08 2013 18:33 Passion wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2013 18:25 TOCHMY wrote:On October 08 2013 18:22 Passion wrote:
How do his problems compare to you, in all your luxury, having 1300 Euro less?
Stop caring about something as ridiculous as cash and start helping your friend! How about you take over the debt for him and pay me my 1300 euros if it's as ridiculous as you claim? And if you read my post literally 2 posts above yours, you'd indeed know that I'm trying my best to help him still, after 2 years and 1300 euros... I have my own friends with their own debts. But it's good to see you react in such feisty manner, I guess that's some guilt showing. At the same time, no reason to be so aggressive towards me. I don't owe you anything. I'm just trying to help you better your ways. Do you need the 1300 to the point you're starving? No. So stop acting like you're some Samaritan.
Of course I act in such a feisty manner when you paint me as the bad guy not even trying to help my homeless friend. Screw you man
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On October 08 2013 18:36 TOCHMY wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2013 18:33 Passion wrote:On October 08 2013 18:25 TOCHMY wrote:On October 08 2013 18:22 Passion wrote:
How do his problems compare to you, in all your luxury, having 1300 Euro less?
Stop caring about something as ridiculous as cash and start helping your friend! How about you take over the debt for him and pay me my 1300 euros if it's as ridiculous as you claim? And if you read my post literally 2 posts above yours, you'd indeed know that I'm trying my best to help him still, after 2 years and 1300 euros... I have my own friends with their own debts. But it's good to see you react in such feisty manner, I guess that's some guilt showing. At the same time, no reason to be so aggressive towards me. I don't owe you anything. I'm just trying to help you better your ways. Do you need the 1300 to the point you're starving? No. So stop acting like you're some Samaritan. Of course I act in such a feisty manner when you paint me as the bad guy not even trying to help my homeless friend. Screw you man
I'm not, or at least didn't intend to. But to me this question is super simple. He can't pay, the missing of 1300 euro doesn't compare to his situation, so obviously, the money topic should be handled at a latter point, currently I'd focus on helping him as much as possible to get his life back on track (which I don't think should consist of further financial support, by the way).
But seriously, your aggressive reaction seems to imply there's more to it...
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Well there isn't more to it and thats that.
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On October 08 2013 18:42 TOCHMY wrote:
Well there isn't more to it and thats that.
Are you sure?
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On October 08 2013 01:37 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2013 01:10 woreyour wrote:
good for you then but this does not help him, i am not sure why you need to say this but its like bragging or trolling. People can really be shitty with money but can be good friends and I for one will not be judging people at first glance, I for one have a good friend, loyal but when he started borrowing money and not paying the 1st time I just stop and told him "hey we are good friends but you really need to pay me back, are you selling your friendship for that amount". It is just u cant see these things ahead but I guess twice is good enough for you to know when to stop. You still helped him once or twice but not on the 3rd time or if you cant see him trying. You misjudge my intentions... I was just piling onto the idea that his friend is a dick and he shouldn't associate with such a person. It's incredibly disrespectful to quit a job when you need to pay back somebody. But also I legitimately think it's a sad state of affairs when people have to be so distrustful of each others.
okay I have your point now. yeah surely he should not be friend with the guy but I suggest he keeps contact with him unless he wants to totally abandon the hope of him paying him. I will also strongly suggest to not lend him money ever, tell him to pay 1st then probably after payment he should be wary of lending money.
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Unless you know something I don't, there is nothing more to it than I've wrote above.
I react agressively partly due to your douchy way of posting, and due to the stress this dilemma is putting on me.
On one hand, I need the money, maybe not RIGHT NOW and I can survive without it, but 1300 is alot of money, and let's just say I don't plan on living at my mum's for another 2 years...
On the other hand, you're right. The dude's got problems. Problems he brought upon himself. I do want to help him, but he refuses to be helped, as you'd know if you'd read my post above, again...
okay I have your point now. yeah surely he should not be friend with the guy but I suggest he keeps contact with him unless he wants to totally abandon the hope of him paying him. I will also strongly suggest to not lend him money ever, tell him to pay 1st then probably after payment he should be wary of lending money.
Trust me man, I've learnt my lesson. I'm not lending anyone money again, at least not such big sums. And especially not for such long periods.
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[QUOTE]On October 08 2013 03:34 NeThZOR wrote:
[QUOTE]On October 08 2013 01:10 woreyour wrote:
[/QUOTE]
+ Show Spoiler +[QUOTE] On October 08 2013 01:10 woreyour wrote:[QUOTE] On October 08 2013 00:09 Djzapz wrote:[QUOTE] On October 07 2013 22:58 Elegy wrote:Money "loaned" to friends is money that you should consider a gift. Never loan money to friends or family and expect to get it back. Your friend sounds like a useless sod. You don't quit your job because the pay sucks when you owe people money and are going to be homeless. You will likely never get your money back. [/QUOTE] I've never lent money that I didn't get back. I've even recently, like 4-5 months ago, lent $300 to a guy from Wisconsin who I only met once in my life at Blizzcon 2009. Internet buddy guy. I constantly lend 20's left and right to friends and they systematically get it back to me. I've lent $3000 to a cousin also and he paid back in full a few months later and bought me dinner  . I think it's sad that it's so common for people to know that they can't trust their own family and friends with money. What kind of fucks do you guys associate with -_- [QUOTE]
+ Show Spoiler +
good for you then but this does not help him, i am not sure why you need to say this but its like bragging or trolling. People can really be shitty with money but can be good friends and I for one will not be judging people at first glance, I for one have a good friend, loyal but when he started borrowing money and not paying the 1st time I just stop and told him "hey we are good friends but you really need to pay me back, are you selling your friendship for that amount". It is just u cant see these things ahead but I guess twice is good enough for you to know when to stop. You still helped him once or twice but not on the 3rd time or if you cant see him trying.
Fix those quotes please :<
haha boy you are OC, thanks, having trouble with the qoutes and compatibility view in IE (at the office  )
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EPT
