EPTOn February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote:
This is my favorite part.
also when he quotes Linkin Park
This is my favorite part.
also when he quotes Linkin Park
I think OP is racenilatr in disguise.
Abusive Parents - Page 2
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Megaliskuu
United States5123 Posts
I think OP is racenilatr in disguise. | ||
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TheAnswerIsZero
United States21 Posts
Also, not getting you an iPhone for birthday? What??? I don't recall ever getting any presents from my parents for acing every fucking test up til sophomore year..... Now that I'm done ranting, I seriously hope you can talk to your parents about this. Going on a forum and venting is likely not the solution. And by communicating, I don't mean "vent your problems for five minutes and flip out like an inarticulate brat." What I mean is to "sit down during/after dinner and talk about your problems for ~1hour" - don't let them walk away until you guys solve this crap. It did wonders for me, my parents, and my brother - seriously. I acknowledge that your parents are much more strict than mine, and yes - their attitude towards you is inappropriate and "abusive." That is precisely why you must explain the pressure you are facing. Honestly, there's no other way but to talk about it. Good luck, you'll need it. EDIT: Whatever you do, don't rebel against your parents - that is the stupidest shit you can do. IMO (and don't flame me for this), this is the stereotypical middle-class spoiled brat response to pushy parents. If you do rebel, you'll fit their image of the "unsuccessful and spoiled failure" they have for you. Just talk it out.... | ||
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Loser777
1931 Posts
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Thienan567
United States670 Posts
On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote: This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park Yeah, this. Honestly OP don't worry about it, at all. All asian kids go through this (though mine weren't as overbearing as yours) and it does feel like they are being outright pricks that don't really care, trust me, they actually do. After high school there's a lot more workload in store for you. College and graduate school workloads are a lot more demanding on your time, and the discipline you're getting now will help you with that. Not to mention jobs. College+jobs=no time for doing what you want, really. Much like what you're doing now. And it does get better. Kids in high school don't really value intelligence and hard work (all kids don't) but after that you'll be a sought after commodity because you can help with studying and homework. People actually care about grades in college because they are(or will) paying out of their ass for their education. And once you start getting your own money, suddenly that iphone can wait. Maybe you'll spend that money on a date with some cute girl, or just buy some weed every now and then to help allow for some relaxing time once in a while. It's only 2 years anyway, and with hots and lotv coming up, sc isn't going anywhere. | ||
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PH
United States6173 Posts
My parents didn't even get me an iphone and they don't ever get me stuff for my birthday because they think I'll be a "spoiled child", whatever that means. Stopped taking you seriously right there. | ||
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SamsungStar
United States912 Posts
If it's not a troll, you should make out with your pillow in the living room, in front of your parents. Throw in a little dry humping to "drive" the point home. Then your parents will have a lot more to worry about than stupid AP classes. | ||
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matiK23
United States963 Posts
I will agree with the other posters with the iphone thing. Stop being a spoiled kid. You said you don't have many friends so who are you going to text/call while being on a $70+/mo phone bill? It's not worth it. | ||
infinitestory
United States4053 Posts
On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote: Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%. But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility). So you really have three choices to make: 1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later. 2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house. 3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences. Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though. So take a deep breath and grow up. you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin. | ||
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matiK23
United States963 Posts
On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote: you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin. I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool! I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better. | ||
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phosphorylation
United States2935 Posts
On February 16 2013 15:15 matiK23 wrote: I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool! I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better. case in point: i got into college of every asian parent's dream yet my last few years have been absolutely miserable. i've finally climbed out of the hole but i have so many regrets.. | ||
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Just_a_Moth
Canada1941 Posts
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Loser777
1931 Posts
On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote: you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin. It's a bad situation, but the only way to get out of it is to show that you are capable of self-motivation. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
As for the Asian parents themselves, Asian parents are Asian parents. They're pretty fucking nuts but while you're dependent upon them you have no choice. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3290 Posts
On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote: This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park this made me lol sooo hard when i read it. | ||
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TheAnswerIsZero
United States21 Posts
On February 16 2013 15:15 matiK23 wrote: I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool! I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better. Look, I don't think anybody is telling him to "stop bitching, stfu and deal with it." I think we all want the OP to succeed, in one way or the other, and recognize that what his parents are doing is detrimental to his social/mental health. It's just that, for me at least, I find him to come across as whiny and oblivious to how hard others his age work. Both sides are in the wrong, and that's why I suggest them they talk it out. Ranting on this forum's not gonna magically let his parents know they're "abusive," (unless they frequent TL). As for relating to the OP, no I don't think I can. But many people have already found him to be self-unmotivated. Heck, my parents were nowhere near as harsh on me, but I still do the best I can and remain self-motivated - I value education. If his current level of success is what the OP thinks is his best, then he's gotta let his parents know and talk it out. If he truthfully knows/thinks he can do better, then it's his job to step up his game. Either way, he really needs to talk to his parents and let them know it's okay for him to relax sometimes. | ||
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
My mother was a raging alcoholic prostitute (probably still is, only been a year since i saw her) who didnt give a damn fuck, often went on binge drinks left me without food and almost set fire to the house with my 3 year old nephew in the house one day In high school i would leave and smoke weed at a friends everyday for two years. The only time she bothered to reply to the schools calls was when they turned up at our house when i skipped an end of year exam (well, the teacher kicked me out of his class entirely, why do i take the exam?  ) and she was piss drunk and only angry that i had interupted her.My parents didnt give a fuck and gave me all the space in the world. Mine is a bit of an extreme case but would you like it similar to this way instead? I'd give anything to have grown up with "pushy" aka caring parents. Sure they might be doing some things wrong, but its all coming from their heart. Get your ass into gear and make them proud, your proving to them you can be successful but at the end of the day you've just made YOUR life successful, thats what you have to remember, they arent pushing you for themselves, they're doing it for you. Someone really summed it up when they wrote "1st world problems" lol. | ||
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Kuni
Austria765 Posts
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
In terms of social life, I'm shy and nerdy and awkward so I can't talk to girls (unless I have to for a group project lol) No. Just no. First off, being "nerdy" is not a problem in any way, unless perhaps the only topics you can converse about are "nerdy" topics. If that is an issue, then just start paying attention to some other things, news, funny shit, sports, whatever so you have a basic idea what is going on. Okay, shy is a bit more of an issue, but it's also not an issue whatsoever. What I mean is that it's just something you have to get past. Being afraid to approach people, especially women, is pretty common. Almost all guys deal with it. You just have to accept nothing bad really happens if you do so. Literally the WORST scenario would be you were to talk to her, say hi, and just totally clam up and/or say something that might seem dumb. Okay, it doesn't feel good but really is it that big of a deal? This is pretty similar to being in say bronze league and saying I can't play starcraft because I'm bad at and i'll just lose. That may be true but there are two thins to remember: 1)How can you ever get better and "fix" the problem if you don't? 2)Nothing bad happens if you try. Some awkward moments at the start but really that isn't a big deal. Practice on strangers at first if you're really, really worried about being awkward in front of people you know. Start by going to the mall and just saying Hi to random people as you walk past, and then make some small talk with employees that aren't busy. Plow a little bit and keep going, even if you feel like you are saying stupid/awkward/uninteresting shit. Being good socially, or with women, is a skill. Like any other skill you have to "practice" if you want to get better. and I don't really have many friends. Lunch time sucks because I usually eat alone or with the gay/emo/hipster kids .Fix that. Go meet people. I'm also worried about college (I know it's supposed to be the time of your life and all that jazz) because I'm not really a people person, This can mean one of two things to me. Number 1 is that you are a true introvert, hanging out with people for periods of time is draining and to re charge you needs lots of time by yourself. Number 2 is just that being with people makes you uncomfortable because you're uncomfortable about coming of awkward. Option one isn't really a big deal, you just have to make sure you manage social interaction as you need to. In the case of option two; again, it just comes down to practice and getting out there and doing it. | ||
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synapse
China13814 Posts
On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote: AP Physics B You have made a horrible, horrible mistake. I know of no college that accepts Physics B credit. Also, android so much better, man. On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote: Recently my dad also said that he wants me to focus on the SAT, SAT 2 and my AP exams, saying that he expects me to get a 5 on the three AP exams I'll take this May, and he wants me to get a 5 on each of the 4 APs I'll take next year. Also, he expects me to get an 800 on the SAT math and at least a 2200 SAT score. I hate to be harsh but that's really not asking for much. You only need a 70,75+ on the AP exam to get a 5 (and on harder ones like CalcBC or Physics C you need like a 55), which you should be able to achieve with minimal studying. SAT I math should be ridiculously easy for you if you're already taking AP Calc, and a 700+ on the CR/Writing sections is just a few months of practice. If you just consistently work towards these goals, there is no way you can't meet those standards. | ||
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Horo
United States351 Posts
While I agree that Asian Parents can definitely be overbearing, for me specifically including: Violin Lessons, Piano Lessons, Chinese School, 800 Math SATII, 5 on all AP tests, 2 Summer's of 5 hour SAT Prep Classes... these things are not exactly the equivalent of kicking rocks. Accomplishing these things are beneficial to your life, but do consider perhaps attempting to negotiate. Ask to be rewarded for completing these tasks, BEFORE you do so. If you want that iPhone so badly, don't threaten not to do it, but ask politely and make a case that such a device is something useful in the modern world to have [ even though I disagree with this argument, since I don't even have one ]. Try to convey the idea that now that you're in the US, you have greater opportunities, but need some freedom to pursue them, while assuring that you will do your best to perform well in school. Remember that the Chinese Cultural Revolution stripped rights away from the citizens, prosecuting intellectuals and sending them to the barren wastes and farm lands. From a parents standpoint, the only sure thing they can provide you are the tools for you to succeed in the future, the easiest of which to accomplish is to give you a good education, one that may have been hard to come by in their hard lives. So please, put yourself in their shoes, and maybe even ask yourself, Perhaps my parents are pushing me, because they wish they had the kinds of opportunities you have. | ||
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