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Well I want to keep this short. I'm a HS sophomore, and my GPA from last year is a 3.8 (with all honors classes and AP Physics B). This year I'm taking AP Bio, Calc AB, Honors US History, Honors English, AP Comp Sci, and Academic Spanish III (I hate spanish). So, anyway, not the best I guess but not the worst either. So far I have to say that time flew and the year is almost over, which sucks because all my grades are in the A- to B+ range and learning and shit usually gets harder towards the end of the year. So far my parents have been very, I guess, obsessive over my grades and over my future.
Just the other day my dad was telling me how I'll always be a failure because he worked really hard to be able to come to America and my mom always tells me that if I was growing up in Asia I would be a "failure student" because Asia is so tough and competitive in school. I don't even play video games that much (other than SC2 and occasionally Black Ops on PS3) but they're saying they will remove my games until the summer if I can't bring all my grades up to an A. For next year I already have 4 APs...I guess this is understandable cuz it's junior year and that's the fucking balls toughest year in high school. So this means much of my summer will be spent doing AP summer assignments and such, which I am (obviously) looking forward to.
Recently my dad also said that he wants me to focus on the SAT, SAT 2 and my AP exams, saying that he expects me to get a 5 on the three AP exams I'll take this May, and he wants me to get a 5 on each of the 4 APs I'll take next year. Also, he expects me to get an 800 on the SAT math and at least a 2200 SAT score, and he wants me to start getting ready for the SAT 2 math. You see, my dad like most Asian dad is a computer engineer but as a high school and college student he loved math. If he could he would tutor me in calculus and Java every single second of every day, if he could. In fact he often tries doing most of my Comp Sci assignments and then he gets mad when I don't do so good on the tests. In fact, my dad explicitly said that I either get a 2200 SAT score and perfect AP scores or he'll kick me out of the house (not sure if he's joking but I don't wanna find out).
In terms of social life, I'm shy and nerdy and awkward so I can't talk to girls (unless I have to for a group project lol) and I don't really have many friends. Lunch time sucks because I usually eat alone or with the gay/emo/hipster kids. I'm also worried about college (I know it's supposed to be the time of your life and all that jazz) because I'm not really a people person, I don't know how I'll adjust to living in dorms (and all the perks that come along with that...drinking, recreational drug use, free girls, and generally coexisting with people I don't know and might not get along with). My dad also wants me to go to medical school after undergrad, which I'm not so sure about at this point (partly because AP Bio is kicking my butt and I'm kinda feeling more interested in physics/engineering/computer science/technology stuff. On the other hand it would be nice to find the cure for cancer and diabetes and other debilitating diseases/illnesses that lots of innocent people find themselves unfortunately plagued with...and it changes their life forever...sigh but that's a far cry away. That and the fact that med school and residency kicks your butt and is nowhere near as glamorous as it's portrayed on tv, obviously).
So anyway, not really sure what to think. Right now I'm supposed to be studying because my parents expect me to be studying for classes and SAT and stuff like every single second of every single day, including weekends. My parents didn't even get me an iphone and they don't ever get me stuff for my birthday because they think I'll be a "spoiled child", whatever that means.
I dont know, sometimes I just....feel so lonely and unmotivated. I have no inspiration ever. In fact yesterday which was Valentines day I spent all night kissing my pillow, it sucks. For some reason I don't even like high school girls, I prefer women in college or in their 20s or early 30s. To be honest I don't know what's wrong with me, because I'm immature as fuck. I don't remember the last movie I watch, the last friend I called, nothing like that. The outside world just seems so scary and...unforgiving I guess. I feel like my parents have always been overprotective but they never let me do anything...fun. I don't remember the last time I had fun. It's always studying and grades with my parents. They don't understand what it's like to be teenager. Last week I got angry for no reason, frustrated I guess you could say, and broke the fucking vacuum cleaner. My mom grounded me for a month (no TV and monitored computer time), and my dad tried kicking my ass but I kept running around the dining room table (this went on for 15 minutes until he got tired). My parents say I'm a failure and if I was growing up in Asia I would be a janitor or something.
Everything reminds me of the Linkin Park song Numb, and this line in particular
"Cant you see that youre smothering me,
holding so tightly,
afraid to lose control
and all those things that you thought i would be
are falling apart
right in front of you "
Anyway, just looking for some inspiration? motivation? something to hold onto? anything??
 
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Baa?21243 Posts
i came into the thread expecting abusive parents
disappointed
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On February 16 2013 11:56 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
i came into the thread expecting abusive parents
disappointed
my parents might not be physically so but they are definitely mentally and psychologically abusive man, they don't give me any space!!! I need my space!!! In fact right now I'm reading the urban dictionary entry for "dick"..."Man's most magnificently majestic manifestation of his raw power and potency. In appearance, when hard, it resembles a rocket on the launching pad, and it has the same turbulent thrusting force and energy. Just as a rocket can send a satellite into orbit, it can send a woman into orgasm, which is no less awesome a feat." LOL
Anyway I should be studying right now, but I'm doing some good ole fashioned procrastination before dinner i guess.
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All I can say is that if I had had Asian parents I would almost certainly have run away or murdered them. Simply couldn't stand living under such scrutiny and overbearing pressure. My heart goes out to you...just try to endure it as best you can and GTFO of there when you have the resources. Talking to girls takes time anyway, you'll come around to learning it.
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On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents say I'm a failure and if I was growing up in Asia I would be a janitor or something.
This is probably the only thing I think your parents are wrong on. If you would love to be a janitor, there is nothing wrong with that. People tend to get into this idea of being "perfect" and having that "perfect life." If you love something, then go for it. As long as it is a job where you can work hard and make honest money, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Of course, this advice only holds if you are out of your parent's house. Right now, they want you to do good because that will give you the most options in the future. It is a lot of pressure, but take a deep breath, and start chugging along. If you can make it through this, it will help prepare you for RL without your parents.
Good luck! It won't be easy, but I think you have what it takes.
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Are you the oldest or only child? I can relate to your experience to a point, but my parents really lightened up on me when I went through high school. The demand for 5's and A's sounds familiar, and so does the taking away the video games. First 2 years of high school sucked pretty bad. I played sports of junior/senior year and joined a few clubs that I didn't my first two years, so I spent more time away from my parents/with other kids so that kind of helped. Once you get to college, especially if you go away from home, I think you'll find it a lot easier to be yourself and making friends will just come naturally. Good luck, life will get better.
By the way, AP Bio is pretty much completely unrelated to medicine/medical school if you're thinking about that route. Fields that deal with basic science like the stuff you learn in AP Bio is more like PhD/research stuff. Medicine is more clinical/application.
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On February 16 2013 11:58 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 11:56 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
i came into the thread expecting abusive parents
disappointed my parents might not be physically so but they are definitely mentally and psychologically abusive man, they don't give me any space!!! I need my space!!! In fact right now I'm reading the urban dictionary entry for "dick"..."Man's most magnificently majestic manifestation of his raw power and potency. In appearance, when hard, it resembles a rocket on the launching pad, and it has the same turbulent thrusting force and energy. Just as a rocket can send a satellite into orbit, it can send a woman into orgasm, which is no less awesome a feat." LOL Anyway I should be studying right now, but I'm doing some good ole fashioned procrastination before dinner i guess.
Be sure to print what you wrote here and give it to your significant other the day you decide to make a couple (if that's what you plan to do of course, no pressure) then when you kids are the same age as you, read it to them.
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On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
Also, he expects me to get an 800 on the SAT math
That is the minimum to be considered an asian!
All the rest, just know it gets better after highschool. There is nothing wrong with being mediocre. Sure you're parents will act all disappointed when you don't graduate from Harvard and their college friend's kid when to Stanford and become a doctor. Myself, my dad's college classmate came to the US at the same time and their daighter : Class valectectoiwhatever, Yale undergrad, John Hopkin's doctorate, now some fancy smancy doctor in DC. Me? Epic fail masters in engineering from a mediocre tech school. But I've got married with an awesome kid and her biological clock is ticking down! Win!
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Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up.
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1st world problems man. Don't take your parents for granted. Enjoy every moment with them because you don't know when it will be their last. They may seem pushy and abusive at first but they're doing it for a reason. They want you to succeed in life and bring out the best in you every possible way. My parents are the exactly as yours. They made me the man who I am today because of it. Currently, I'm in grad school and they're still supporting me and I love them for it. When that day comes I will repay them greatly(no, not monetary, much more bigger) that's a promise I made to myself. You will realize this sooner hopefully or older as I did. Please love your parents, love yourself, and love the world.
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On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up.
So what you're saying is that threatening to kick your child out if he doesn't bring home perfect grades at the cost of any kind of reasonable social development is the way to go?
There is a huge, huge difference between growing up as responsible, smart and well educated and being grown up as a streamlined worker.
Obviously there are pros and cons to parenting in such a way, however painting a completely unreal picture of how horrible ones life will be if one doesn't obey his parents and isn't a perfect student should not be part of such a topic.
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I feel for you. I am so glad my dad was never like that. Ug I couldn't imagine the amount of hatred I would have if I had to get a 4.0 or my parents would be pist xD
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You know when you say "abusive parents", it means they are abusive in comparison to other parents, right? You just sound naive and whiny to me. I think you have no excuse for getting anything but a 4.0 in highschool.
I suggest you find something that interests you. In my Freshman and Sophomore year I just played video games. Once my Sophomore year summer hit, I realized that I only had one more summer after this, and then that's it. Done. No more summers to spend doing whatever. I spent my Junior and Senior year studying traditional art and computer science. You should be doing something, anything; figure out what you're interested in.
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On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. a your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
This doesn't work. I dont mean don't motivate yourself. I just mean motivating yourself to do better in school will make your parents happy. If your parents would be happy with you ever, they'd be happy with you now. You are doing fine in high school, nad to be honest high school doesn't even make a huge difference. All you need to remember is not to rebel as soon as you get into college by doing poorly/ being spectacularly lazy. Although they might be over reacting about grades and scores and focusing on things that aren't important, to some degree they have your best interest in mind. They just realize that pushing you doesn't help you, it only helps you if you push yourself. And you can only do that when you want to for yourself.
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I really really feel for you. These parents mean the best for you obviously, but are short-sighted and don't realize the larger harm (psychological, social, and even academic/career-wise) they are inflicting on their child in the long-term. It's gonna be hard, but try your best to not to be affected by your overbearing parents and man up and impress them with your academic prowess and convince them not to pester you so much...
From a sympathetic asian guy around 6 years older you with a somewhat similar back-story -- my last few years have been sucky but I am doing quite well now. Let's hope you dont have to go through the same thing as I did.
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It gets better when you go to college. I haven't read the OP but I've probably been there too.
Also. What is the story behind the alias?
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On February 16 2013 13:06 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. So what you're saying is that threatening to kick your child out if he doesn't bring home perfect grades at the cost of any kind of reasonable social development is the way to go? There is a huge, huge difference between growing up as responsible, smart and well educated and being grown up as a streamlined worker. Obviously there are pros and cons to parenting in such a way, however painting a completely unreal picture of how horrible ones life will be if one doesn't obey his parents and isn't a perfect student should not be part of such a topic.
Hi r.Evo. I read your post and I think you are really missing the point of what I was trying to convey to the OP. The methodology that this parents are employing is not as pertinent to the discussion as the choice that the OP has to make. He could have parents on the opposite side of the spectrum and he would still need to make a decision about his future and about the person that he wants to be. My post will undoubtedly draw criticism because its a tough love kind of deal but please address the real issue at hand.
The truth is that ideological styles of parenting are irrelevant because ideals are just that. Real world problems present real world choices which result in decisions based on all factors. I can sympathize with the OPs parents because I realize that this is the culmination of a history of interactions between members of the family. No doubt it took time and escalation to get to this point. I also understand that the OPs parents are bluffing, they know they are bluffing, they are not happy to make threats but that they are probably frustrated and have dwindling options in accomplishing their goal, and that goal is simple they want a stable future for their kid. Not the best, not the ideal, not the perfect future, but simply a stable one. People are typically underachievers and so setting the bar high raises performance. The OPs parents will not kick him out, parents very seldom kick a kid out and if they do its definitely not for failing to high standards. Its all part of a delicate dance that is the complicated dynamic of the parent-child relationship.
So r.Evo, there is no real right way to go there are only decisions and consequences based on goals and on personal relationships. There is no need to debate style of parenting here - rather the OP should be pushed to take on personal responsibility toward his future and should show gratitude toward his parents. That gratitude stems from a huge list of things parents have to do to ensure that their child reaches his age and you will not understand that list until you have a kid of your own.
To the OP I would like to direct a comment:
Picture who you want to be 10 years from now. Then ask yourself if your current lifestyle and attitude can accomplish that vision. After that ask yourself if, as an adult with a potential family of his own, would you be satisfied with the things that would satisfy you as a teenager. Plan for the future so that when it comes you will not have regrets.
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This is a true high school asian blog. Only advice, as some1 who went through this shit before, is to rebel. If your parents actually care about you and aren't narrow minded people who can't look beyond their own selfish desires and whatever else, and are educated/continue to educate themselves about many different things and raising children, then they will look at things in your perspective, read about and research teenagers in today's society, go talk with their friends and etc, change, and become more flexible. The downside to this is that once they give you the freedom to live life the way you want, you gain responsibilities. Unless your parents are really nice and are willing to pay for your shit despite not living a life that they see as proper, then you have to be responsible for real adult things like money, housing, food, clothes, and etc. If you're not willing to man up and fix all your problems without whining about how shitty your life is, then I recommend going back, self reflecting about how good your life actually is, (You get food, love, clothes, a place to live, you don't need to get a job, etc), and stop crying about your first world problems(once you do this, you will probably start getting chicks too, cuz you're not a boi anymore, but a man), then go back, be a good boi, and do whatever the shit it is that your parents want you to do and realize how blessed you are.
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On February 16 2013 14:02 Ximeng wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 13:06 r.Evo wrote:On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. So what you're saying is that threatening to kick your child out if he doesn't bring home perfect grades at the cost of any kind of reasonable social development is the way to go? There is a huge, huge difference between growing up as responsible, smart and well educated and being grown up as a streamlined worker. Obviously there are pros and cons to parenting in such a way, however painting a completely unreal picture of how horrible ones life will be if one doesn't obey his parents and isn't a perfect student should not be part of such a topic. Hi r.Evo. I read your post and I think you are really missing the point of what I was trying to convey to the OP. The methodology that this parents are employing is not as pertinent to the discussion as the choice that the OP has to make. He could have parents on the opposite side of the spectrum and he would still need to make a decision about his future and about the person that he wants to be. My post will undoubtedly draw criticism because its a tough love kind of deal but please address the real issue at hand. The truth is that ideological styles of parenting are irrelevant because ideals are just that. Real world problems present real world choices which result in decisions based on all factors. I can sympathize with the OPs parents because I realize that this is the culmination of a history of interactions between members of the family. No doubt it took time and escalation to get to this point. I also understand that the OPs parents are bluffing, they know they are bluffing, they are not happy to make threats but that they are probably frustrated and have dwindling options in accomplishing their goal, and that goal is simple they want a stable future for their kid. Not the best, not the ideal, not the perfect future, but simply a stable one. People are typically underachievers and so setting the bar high raises performance. The OPs parents will not kick him out, parents very seldom kick a kid out and if they do its definitely not for failing to high standards. Its all part of a delicate dance that is the complicated dynamic of the parent-child relationship. So r.Evo, there is no real right way to go there are only decisions and consequences based on goals and on personal relationships. There is no need to debate style of parenting here - rather the OP should be pushed to take on personal responsibility toward his future and should show gratitude toward his parents. That gratitude stems from a huge list of things parents have to do to ensure that their child reaches his age and you will not understand that list until you have a kid of your own. To the OP I would like to direct a comment: Picture who you want to be 10 years from now. Then ask yourself if your current lifestyle and attitude can accomplish that vision. After that ask yourself if, as an adult with a potential family of his own, would you be satisfied with the things that would satisfy you as a teenager. Plan for the future so that when it comes you will not have regrets.
Seconded. Your parents push you because you don't push yourself.
Fix that and they will stop.
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On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents didn't even get me an iphone
This is my favorite part.
also when he quotes Linkin Park
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On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents didn't even get me an iphone This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park
I think OP is racenilatr in disguise.
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Dude, communication is key. Ever tried talking to your parents about it, or do you just harbor all these feelings? Yeah they have "high" standards for you, but every (Asian) parents do. You think taking 4-5 APs a year is hard? Just about every kid in my high school took 4-5 APs back to back and got 5's in them. No, I'm not doubting your mental faculty or anything, but those standards are by no means harsh.
Also, not getting you an iPhone for birthday? What??? I don't recall ever getting any presents from my parents for acing every fucking test up til sophomore year.....
Now that I'm done ranting, I seriously hope you can talk to your parents about this. Going on a forum and venting is likely not the solution. And by communicating, I don't mean "vent your problems for five minutes and flip out like an inarticulate brat." What I mean is to "sit down during/after dinner and talk about your problems for ~1hour" - don't let them walk away until you guys solve this crap. It did wonders for me, my parents, and my brother - seriously. I acknowledge that your parents are much more strict than mine, and yes - their attitude towards you is inappropriate and "abusive." That is precisely why you must explain the pressure you are facing. Honestly, there's no other way but to talk about it. Good luck, you'll need it.
EDIT: Whatever you do, don't rebel against your parents - that is the stupidest shit you can do. IMO (and don't flame me for this), this is the stereotypical middle-class spoiled brat response to pushy parents. If you do rebel, you'll fit their image of the "unsuccessful and spoiled failure" they have for you. Just talk it out....
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The biggest issue here, as others have already described, is that you force your parents to micromanage your life because you don't show them that you're capable. Btw, every single one of the "requirements" your dad gave is totally achievable and are essentially prerequisites to doing well in college. At some point, if you can demonstrate to your dad that you're working towards the goals he set for you (which aren't unreasonable), then naturally your parents will stop bothering you and naturally will become much more agreeable. You'll be able to get them to understand that raw AP scores don't mean shit because they're only used to determine if you get to skip certain classes after you've enrolled at a university (and often 4s are just as good as 5s for non-STEM classes). If you want some cold motivation, read the annual "College Acceptance" threads on TL. I can pretty much say that at some point, everyone who is successful realizes that working towards academic goals is only for oneself, not for one's parent's sake.
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On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents didn't even get me an iphone This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park
Yeah, this. Honestly OP don't worry about it, at all. All asian kids go through this (though mine weren't as overbearing as yours) and it does feel like they are being outright pricks that don't really care, trust me, they actually do. After high school there's a lot more workload in store for you. College and graduate school workloads are a lot more demanding on your time, and the discipline you're getting now will help you with that. Not to mention jobs. College+jobs=no time for doing what you want, really. Much like what you're doing now.
And it does get better. Kids in high school don't really value intelligence and hard work (all kids don't) but after that you'll be a sought after commodity because you can help with studying and homework. People actually care about grades in college because they are(or will) paying out of their ass for their education. And once you start getting your own money, suddenly that iphone can wait. Maybe you'll spend that money on a date with some cute girl, or just buy some weed every now and then to help allow for some relaxing time once in a while.
It's only 2 years anyway, and with hots and lotv coming up, sc isn't going anywhere.
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My parents didn't even get me an iphone and they don't ever get me stuff for my birthday because they think I'll be a "spoiled child", whatever that means.
Stopped taking you seriously right there.
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Lol either this is a troll or this guy doesn't understand how massive of a cliche he is.
If it's not a troll, you should make out with your pillow in the living room, in front of your parents. Throw in a little dry humping to "drive" the point home. Then your parents will have a lot more to worry about than stupid AP classes.
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Some of these posts are fucking disgusting--siding with the asian parents just so he can become another stereotypical Asian drone in society. Listen OP, in the end, it's your life. Becoming rich and successful (What is success anyway? Success in the eye's of society? In that case, we never left high school) is not the end all, be all and is certainly not the meaning of life. You do what you want because you're your own person. I'd rather be average in grades but have a social life during my prime life than be some fucking puppet who can't even talk to a girl because he's too busy solving derivatives for Calc I. Live your life--join an extracurricular activity and make some friends, expand your interests with afterschool clubs. Fuck a doctor or engineer degree if you can't even function in society because you're too socially retarded from being a sheltered Asian kid.
I will agree with the other posters with the iphone thing. Stop being a spoiled kid. You said you don't have many friends so who are you going to text/call while being on a $70+/mo phone bill? It's not worth it.
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United States4053 Posts
On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up.
you, and many parents out there, have it wrong.
you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids)
in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin.
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On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin.
I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool!
I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better.
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On February 16 2013 15:15 matiK23 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote:On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin. I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool! I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better.
case in point: i got into college of every asian parent's dream yet my last few years have been absolutely miserable. i've finally climbed out of the hole but i have so many regrets..
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I wish my parents had been just slightly more abusive, in the way yours are, when I was in high school.
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On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin.
It's a bad situation, but the only way to get out of it is to show that you are capable of self-motivation.
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Why are y'all so rude to him? OP - shit sucks dude. Consider that most people don't have the drive and dedication to get into medical school from University. Consider also that there are plenty of good alternatives to that in other areas. Finally, consider that the key to earning a lot of money nowadays isn't pure skill, but creativity and the ability to implement it.
As for the Asian parents themselves, Asian parents are Asian parents. They're pretty fucking nuts but while you're dependent upon them you have no choice.
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On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents didn't even get me an iphone This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park
this made me lol sooo hard when i read it.
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On February 16 2013 15:15 matiK23 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 15:08 infinitestory wrote:On February 16 2013 12:49 Ximeng wrote:
Buddy, your parents are doing you a favor. You sound like an unmotivated guy so their pushing is just about all that;s keeping you on your feet right now. You can battle them and eventually wear them down you have youth and retarded stubbornness on your side and kids win in the long run because parents have too much real life shit to deal with to be on you 100%.
But you really have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be because I am telling you right now that you will turn to shit if you parents stop pushing you. Your habits and daily routine and your discipline will all erode away. Usually this happens to kids like you in first year college after insisting on living on campus or out of state so you can experience freedom (read that as irresponsibility).
So you really have three choices to make:
1) Motivate yourself. If you do this one your parents will become much more easier to deal with and you wont be left with your pants around your ankles when they eventually distance themselves from you once college hits. Probably your best shot at being someone who is not a total screw up later.
2) Allow your parents to motivate you and use them as a crutch. This one kind of falls apart once you get older and they lose interest in you. It could still work if you never, ever move out of the house.
3) Fight your parents. Make sure to do it like a little bitch too and by this I mean use the old tried and true lines of its your life not theirs, you have your own dreams (either bullshit some sexy sounding one or else never mention any specifics as you probably have no idea what to do with your life), try running the good old guilt trip if you have any dirt on them or for a more subtle approach assure them that you are mature and you do not need their guidance and then as soon as they stop paying attention play games all day, surf the web, masturbate to porn, and ignore any or all responsibilities toward your own future. That last one has to be done gradually so as to fool both your parents and yourself until one day you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize you fucked yourself at which point you can make another blog akin to the dozen or so that are made each week on this forum lamenting shitty decisions with long term consequences.
Hey bud, I get it. No I really do. This kinda suck when you got to do these things called work and responsibility. Its totally normal to want to jerk off and do what you really want but lets face it, what you really want to do is probably an infatuation with some useless crap that 10 years from now you will look back on and wonder why you wasted so much time on it. I mean seriously you probably should not even be playing games as much as you are right now. Nobody is going to give a shit about your win-loss record in SC2 a few years from now, not even you. Your grades might matter though.
So take a deep breath and grow up. you, and many parents out there, have it wrong. you don't push kids in order to replace their need to motivate themselves. for most people, motivation actually shrivels and rots under a lot of outside pressure: when the primary incentive in working is to serve others, naturally people will lose any invigoration, passion, or self-drive they may otherwise have. like with steroids, this can only end badly with sudden withdrawal (in this case, going off to college, where parents will get ridiculed for continuing to helicopter their kids) in other words, the parents' pushing is actually causing the lack of motivation. there is no good reason to think of it as a crutch; it is a toxin. I agree 110%. And it's exactly what happened to me. So much pressure from the parents and having a lifestyle where it was all about being studious and getting into a prestigious college, when I finally got there, I lost all my motivation. That's it? Money is my sole motivation? Being rich? Fuck that. I didn't even have a girlfriend in highschool! I wonder if some of these posters can actually relate or if they're just brainwashed from their Asian parents that the cycle will repeat again with their offspring. Which is pretty unfortunate because I'd figure the second generation would actually know better.
Look, I don't think anybody is telling him to "stop bitching, stfu and deal with it." I think we all want the OP to succeed, in one way or the other, and recognize that what his parents are doing is detrimental to his social/mental health. It's just that, for me at least, I find him to come across as whiny and oblivious to how hard others his age work. Both sides are in the wrong, and that's why I suggest them they talk it out. Ranting on this forum's not gonna magically let his parents know they're "abusive," (unless they frequent TL).
As for relating to the OP, no I don't think I can. But many people have already found him to be self-unmotivated. Heck, my parents were nowhere near as harsh on me, but I still do the best I can and remain self-motivated - I value education. If his current level of success is what the OP thinks is his best, then he's gotta let his parents know and talk it out. If he truthfully knows/thinks he can do better, then it's his job to step up his game. Either way, he really needs to talk to his parents and let them know it's okay for him to relax sometimes.
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My father left me before i was born, met me once when i was 12 and then died months after without even telling me, my family told me when i was 18.
My mother was a raging alcoholic prostitute (probably still is, only been a year since i saw her) who didnt give a damn fuck, often went on binge drinks left me without food and almost set fire to the house with my 3 year old nephew in the house one day
In high school i would leave and smoke weed at a friends everyday for two years. The only time she bothered to reply to the schools calls was when they turned up at our house when i skipped an end of year exam (well, the teacher kicked me out of his class entirely, why do i take the exam?  ) and she was piss drunk and only angry that i had interupted her.
My parents didnt give a fuck and gave me all the space in the world.
Mine is a bit of an extreme case but would you like it similar to this way instead?
I'd give anything to have grown up with "pushy" aka caring parents. Sure they might be doing some things wrong, but its all coming from their heart. Get your ass into gear and make them proud, your proving to them you can be successful but at the end of the day you've just made YOUR life successful, thats what you have to remember, they arent pushing you for themselves, they're doing it for you.
Someone really summed it up when they wrote "1st world problems" lol.
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Fucking hell !! Your parents are the worst! How vile and vile and malicious can parents be. I really feel for you, I mean ... they did not EVEN BUY YOU AN IPHONE WHEN YOU WANTED ONE !!! OMG ........ Dude ... really?
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In terms of social life, I'm shy and nerdy and awkward so I can't talk to girls (unless I have to for a group project lol)
No. Just no.
First off, being "nerdy" is not a problem in any way, unless perhaps the only topics you can converse about are "nerdy" topics. If that is an issue, then just start paying attention to some other things, news, funny shit, sports, whatever so you have a basic idea what is going on.
Okay, shy is a bit more of an issue, but it's also not an issue whatsoever. What I mean is that it's just something you have to get past. Being afraid to approach people, especially women, is pretty common. Almost all guys deal with it. You just have to accept nothing bad really happens if you do so. Literally the WORST scenario would be you were to talk to her, say hi, and just totally clam up and/or say something that might seem dumb. Okay, it doesn't feel good but really is it that big of a deal?
This is pretty similar to being in say bronze league and saying I can't play starcraft because I'm bad at and i'll just lose. That may be true but there are two thins to remember:
1)How can you ever get better and "fix" the problem if you don't?
2)Nothing bad happens if you try. Some awkward moments at the start but really that isn't a big deal.
Practice on strangers at first if you're really, really worried about being awkward in front of people you know. Start by going to the mall and just saying Hi to random people as you walk past, and then make some small talk with employees that aren't busy. Plow a little bit and keep going, even if you feel like you are saying stupid/awkward/uninteresting shit.
Being good socially, or with women, is a skill. Like any other skill you have to "practice" if you want to get better.
and I don't really have many friends. Lunch time sucks because I usually eat alone or with the gay/emo/hipster kids .
Fix that. Go meet people.
I'm also worried about college (I know it's supposed to be the time of your life and all that jazz) because I'm not really a people person,
This can mean one of two things to me. Number 1 is that you are a true introvert, hanging out with people for periods of time is draining and to re charge you needs lots of time by yourself. Number 2 is just that being with people makes you uncomfortable because you're uncomfortable about coming of awkward.
Option one isn't really a big deal, you just have to make sure you manage social interaction as you need to. In the case of option two; again, it just comes down to practice and getting out there and doing it.
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On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
AP Physics B
You have made a horrible, horrible mistake. I know of no college that accepts Physics B credit.
Also, android so much better, man.
On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
Recently my dad also said that he wants me to focus on the SAT, SAT 2 and my AP exams, saying that he expects me to get a 5 on the three AP exams I'll take this May, and he wants me to get a 5 on each of the 4 APs I'll take next year. Also, he expects me to get an 800 on the SAT math and at least a 2200 SAT score.
I hate to be harsh but that's really not asking for much. You only need a 70,75+ on the AP exam to get a 5 (and on harder ones like CalcBC or Physics C you need like a 55), which you should be able to achieve with minimal studying. SAT I math should be ridiculously easy for you if you're already taking AP Calc, and a 700+ on the CR/Writing sections is just a few months of practice. If you just consistently work towards these goals, there is no way you can't meet those standards.
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While I don't want to turn this into an 'I had it worse than yours' kind of post, I don't exactly think you have good grounds to stand on. As many people have already mentioned, whining about not having an iPhone is in my opinion very childish. Do you understand how much those things cost? Do you understand that your parents are paying for your data plan, and your phone plan? Sorry kid, I only recently gained the ability to send and receive texts and I work for a Fortune 500 company.
While I agree that Asian Parents can definitely be overbearing, for me specifically including: Violin Lessons, Piano Lessons, Chinese School, 800 Math SATII, 5 on all AP tests, 2 Summer's of 5 hour SAT Prep Classes... these things are not exactly the equivalent of kicking rocks. Accomplishing these things are beneficial to your life, but do consider perhaps attempting to negotiate.
Ask to be rewarded for completing these tasks, BEFORE you do so. If you want that iPhone so badly, don't threaten not to do it, but ask politely and make a case that such a device is something useful in the modern world to have [ even though I disagree with this argument, since I don't even have one ]. Try to convey the idea that now that you're in the US, you have greater opportunities, but need some freedom to pursue them, while assuring that you will do your best to perform well in school.
Remember that the Chinese Cultural Revolution stripped rights away from the citizens, prosecuting intellectuals and sending them to the barren wastes and farm lands. From a parents standpoint, the only sure thing they can provide you are the tools for you to succeed in the future, the easiest of which to accomplish is to give you a good education, one that may have been hard to come by in their hard lives.
So please, put yourself in their shoes, and maybe even ask yourself, Perhaps my parents are pushing me, because they wish they had the kinds of opportunities you have.
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On February 16 2013 18:26 Wyrm_uW wrote:
While I don't want to turn this into an 'I had it worse than yours' kind of post, I don't exactly think you have good grounds to stand on. As many people have already mentioned, whining about not having an iPhone is in my opinion very childish. Do you understand how much those things cost? Do you understand that your parents are paying for your data plan, and your phone plan? Sorry kid, I only recently gained the ability to send and receive texts and I work for a Fortune 500 company.
While I agree that Asian Parents can definitely be overbearing, for me specifically including: Violin Lessons, Piano Lessons, Chinese School, 800 Math SATII, 5 on all AP tests, 2 Summer's of 5 hour SAT Prep Classes... these things are not exactly the equivalent of kicking rocks. Accomplishing these things are beneficial to your life, but do consider perhaps attempting to negotiate.
Ask to be rewarded for completing these tasks, BEFORE you do so. If you want that iPhone so badly, don't threaten not to do it, but ask politely and make a case that such a device is something useful in the modern world to have [ even though I disagree with this argument, since I don't even have one ]. Try to convey the idea that now that you're in the US, you have greater opportunities, but need some freedom to pursue them, while assuring that you will do your best to perform well in school.
Remember that the Chinese Cultural Revolution stripped rights away from the citizens, prosecuting intellectuals and sending them to the barren wastes and farm lands. From a parents standpoint, the only sure thing they can provide you are the tools for you to succeed in the future, the easiest of which to accomplish is to give you a good education, one that may have been hard to come by in their hard lives.
So please, put yourself in their shoes, and maybe even ask yourself, Perhaps my parents are pushing me, because they wish they had the kinds of opportunities you have.
Just wanted to second this. Very well put.
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Yeah...your experience and view is nowhere close to what a physically or mentally abusive parents are or does to their child.
The fact that you can whine of not getting an iPhone and say you have abusive parents?
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What have you been getting on your PSATs? 800 math and 2200 overall on the SAT isn't that much to ask.
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Seems like a first world problems whine thread tbh.
Not everyones parents care if they succeed or not, you should consider yourself fortunate that yours do. And guess what? Get a 5 on all your APs and get a 2200+ SAT and if you still feel the same way once you graduate you can go to school really really far away from them on a full scholarship.
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I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way.
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You need social development. Having friends and such.
It's really not that hard to get into college, graduate, and get a job. You don't have to bust your ass like you are. But you will be screwed if you don't learn to socialize and enjoy life. To me, you sound like a good candidate to run into problems with depression when you go off to college. And that can ruin everything. I took AP classes and got 5s on them and got straight As in high school, blah, blah, blah. But I ended up dropping out of college because I had severe problems with depression. I had to spend a couple of years not doing much, just living with my parents. Now, I am 24, and I'm finally back in college, but I still live with my mom. If I had had a more balanced life in high school, I might not have had some of the problems I did that led to me dropping out of college. I would also have just been a much happier person. And that's what it's about--being happy!
You're a sophomore and already taking multiple AP classes. You are way ahead academically. But behind socially, and that is worrisome. If you are happy and healthy, then you will automatically be motivated to work hard and you will do a lot better and learn more. Otherwise, it's drudgery and misery.
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I have friends who are in the top 5% of my class and they have 4+ GPAs with 3 or more APs and they still have tons of times to do fun stuff. Just would like to point that out, but based on what it sounds you definitely need to get out more.
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The emphasis on (perfect) grades is stupid and should be rebelled against. Logically, getting a 4 on any AP test gives you those college credits, and a 3 is often enough as well. Similarly, any grades higher than a B average is enough to get you into a college that offers a world-class education. US colleges are the best in the world.
This concept is magnified if you are planning to go on to medical school -- in that case, high school grades don't matter and college class grades matter much more than actually understanding the content in those classes, from what I've heard.
I was concerned about the PSAT and SAT because I needed a scholarship (I'm from a big family), but it sounds like you are an only child. It is a useless waste of time for you to "study" for these intelligence tests. See the above on getting into colleges. Just for your ease of mind, though, given your academic record, you'll likely ace the PSAT and score above 2200 on the SAT unless you don't use English outside of school or something.
I also just have to second that guy who said taking AP Physics B was a horrible mistake, lol. From what I saw in my college Physics classes, those who took AP Physics considered it absolutely inapplicable (that's not to mention it's probably not going to be accepted for college credit).
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OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
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On February 17 2013 00:06 Cowpieguy wrote:
You need social development. Having friends and such.
It's really not that hard to get into college, graduate, and get a job. You don't have to bust your ass like you are. But you will be screwed if you don't learn to socialize and enjoy life. To me, you sound like a good candidate to run into problems with depression when you go off to college. And that can ruin everything. I took AP classes and got 5s on them and got straight As in high school, blah, blah, blah. But I ended up dropping out of college because I had severe problems with depression. I had to spend a couple of years not doing much, just living with my parents. Now, I am 24, and I'm finally back in college, but I still live with my mom. If I had had a more balanced life in high school, I might not have had some of the problems I did that led to me dropping out of college. I would also have just been a much happier person. And that's what it's about--being happy!
You're a sophomore and already taking multiple AP classes. You are way ahead academically. But behind socially, and that is worrisome. If you are happy and healthy, then you will automatically be motivated to work hard and you will do a lot better and learn more. Otherwise, it's drudgery and misery.
Heed this guy's advice. Personally, I think you have catch up to do, both academically and socially -- but I agree that the social aspect is way more imperative right now.
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On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way.
I agree with you White Dog.
I'd also like to add the fact that people here telling him that getting a 2200 or an 800 in math isn't that much to ask, or getting a 4.0 + taking hard classes is no biggie is ridiculous. Kids are kids. They need room to fuck up and be kids. If you don't let them be kids when they are kids, they will be kids as soon as they are free to be so even if that is 20+ years old. The mocking in here has gone from controlled chiding to completely ridiculous assumptions and blank statements.
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On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
Talk about missing the forest..
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On February 17 2013 04:10 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way. I agree with you White Dog. I'd also like to add the fact that people here telling him that getting a 2200 or an 800 in math isn't that much to ask, or getting a 4.0 + taking hard classes is no biggie is ridiculous. Kids are kids. They need room to fuck up and be kids. If you don't let them be kids when they are kids, they will be kids as soon as they are free to be so even if that is 20+ years old. The mocking in here has gone from controlled chiding to completely ridiculous assumptions and blank statements.
I assume at lot of those statements in here come from people with a similar upbringing. Getting to the point where you can openly admit what was bad and what was good in the way you were raised includes actively questioning your parents decisions.
In a world view where questioning your parents is among the worst possible imaginable scenarios this isn't exactly easy to pull off. Telling someone who apparently isn't feeling well in a similar scenario as you lived through in the past to basically "suck it up because they only want your best, be happy about it" isn't about the guy you're talking to. It's about glorifying your own upbringing.
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Not getting respect or appreciation is not abuse. Take it from someone who knows. There are people much worse off than you, and there are parents who actually do despise their children and wish to hurt them.
Please, get some perspective.
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On February 17 2013 04:57 jackstitties wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese? Talk about missing the forest..
I feel the word is overused, vague, and when it is used, it is always used to overstereotype or instill in the minds of inbred redneck America that Asians all come from one country, have one language, and have one culture.
If the OP is Chinese, then his parents are right (although whether it is ethical or not is debatable) about what they said with him growing up in China. If he's Japanese, then he's doing just the same as everyone else. If he's Korean, he's doing just the same as everyone else. If he's Vietnamese or from some other country in SEA, then he is way ahead of everyone else. As for Americans, he's more than on par.
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On February 16 2013 12:07 sc4k wrote:
All I can say is that if I had had Asian parents I would almost certainly have run away or murdered them. Simply couldn't stand living under such scrutiny and overbearing pressure. My heart goes out to you...just try to endure it as best you can and GTFO of there when you have the resources. Talking to girls takes time anyway, you'll come around to learning it.
Not all asian parents are like what the OP said. Even though there are many many anecdotes of asian parents being tyrannical, you can't generalize and say that ALL asian parents are like that. A counter-example would be my own parents, that are asian (vietnamese boat people) and are quite relaxed even though they are present, caring and thinking about my futur. They don't put any insane psychological pressure like some stories would suggest just because they are asian. Anyhow, I'll just take this blog as an anecdote.
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On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
Yea, we all know Chinese parents are the best. Korean / Japanese can fight for silver!!! XD
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Damn dude, you need a social life.
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On February 17 2013 04:12 krndandaman wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way. it's because a large population of TL is asian and have gone through something like this before to a lesser or greater degree. calling it "abusive" is a bit too much (that's just unfair to the kids who truly do have abusive parents) though I can definitely feel for him. edit: @OP I've gone through what you've gone through to a lesser degree and I imagine it must be hard for you. However, they won't be able to do this for the rest of your life and you're almost out of that tunnel. Once you get into college they'll get off your back (or they can't get on your back) since you'll be away from home and on your own. Just keep working hard with that in mind and know that your parents only want the best for you even though it might not be projected in the right way.
It's really not. Telling a kid that they'll never amount to anything in life or that they're a failure IS abuse. Severly restricting his options for social interaction too. I'm sure there are parents that are worse but this is pretty bad.
This kind of behaviour is extremely damaging and can have consequences well after he goes off to college. There's really no excuse beyond ignorance for defending them.
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On February 16 2013 14:29 Megaliskuu wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 14:12 sob3k wrote:On February 16 2013 11:37 I_Love_Katheryn wrote:
My parents didn't even get me an iphone This is my favorite part. also when he quotes Linkin Park I think OP is racenilatr in disguise.
LOL i forgot about him. its been so long
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Your parents are not even close to abusive... You just feel extremely entitled.
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You sir have a long life of strife ahead of you. After all, your parents didn't get you an iphone. 1/5.
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First thing you have to realize is that you aren't entitled to anything. You aren't entitled to happiness, good grades, or an iPhone. (seriously, an iphone? come on...) First of all you need to realize what makes you happy. Is it making your parents happy with good grades? Is it playing starcraft? Is it playing sports? Then do that. Obviously it will help if you do well on your grades. Just study a bit harder and try to bring your grades up. Maybe use your parents as motivation. They say you will be a janitor? Then prove them wrong! As for me, I am happy when I lift weights. I'm not even that good at it, but it's fun. Maybe you should try something like that.
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Something gives me the feeling if the OP had titled the blog "Domineering Parents", and removed the bit about the iphone he would have gotten a entirely different set of responses.
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Confront your parents and stand your ground(respectfully). Tell them to relax and that everything will be OK, you are turning into a man.
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On February 16 2013 14:39 PH wrote:Show nested quote +My parents didn't even get me an iphone and they don't ever get me stuff for my birthday because they think I'll be a "spoiled child", whatever that means. Stopped taking you seriously right there.
For real, I was happy to get a brick at the age of 15...didnt get a smartphone till 21 or so.
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The responses are actually pretty funny, we have two schools of thinking
1) your parents are right, you are a failure by Asian standards
2) your parents are monsters, you are entitled to whatever freedom you desire
:D
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On February 18 2013 09:23 SlowBullets wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2013 14:39 PH wrote:My parents didn't even get me an iphone and they don't ever get me stuff for my birthday because they think I'll be a "spoiled child", whatever that means. Stopped taking you seriously right there. For real, I was happy to get a brick at the age of 15...didnt get a smartphone till 21 or so.
One of my fondest memories as a child was playing Starcraft 1 nonstop for days on end the first week it came out. My dad's response was to tell me to get off the computer and go do some homework. I ignored him twice. The third time he said it, he came into the room, shoved the CD-ROM button so my SC disk popped out, then he broke it in half in front of my face.
I had saved all my money for oh, I'd say 10 months? to buy the game and had been anticipating playing ever since I read a tiny little article in PC Gamer while at the grocery store about a new Warcraft called Starcraft: Orcs in Space. Ofc, that all changed later into the SC we know and love, but the first concept art showed orcs in planes and weird ziggurat looking things with tentacles coming out of them.
Anyhow, I had to go without SC for another 3 months while trying to scrape together enough cash for another copy. In the end, my brothers took pity on me and pitched in to help me get it.
The morale of my story? My father's destruction of SC led me to bond more closely with my brothers and that bond is absolutely priceless. Good ol' Asian parenting 
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Your parents want your best. End of story.
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On February 18 2013 10:39 llIH wrote:
Your parents want your best. End of story.
Or, they want to save face in front of their family and college friends who are also demanding their kids excel and succeed in life!
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I cannot sympathize with you OP. Csheep, however, wins.
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Even though almost all of us say that "your parents want the best for you", I have to say, if we took this to an extremely objective case, and forget all the feelings/desire at first, then it's pretty obvious that what his parents are doing isn't always the MOST efficient method for whatever goal they have (i.e., college, success in whatever, etc.).
This is also largely dependent on viewpoint: here in California (I just moved here), I've found most 'Asians' here are quite laidback sometimes, even though they still achieve much more than people in other places. Furthermore, many of the "Asians" here are quite social, and indeed do have many 'accomplishments'.
This all shows that there INDEED is something wrong with this sort of parenting (I never said what that problem was however, but you can at least agree with me on that?). It's definitely not something you can just think as always being good.
Based on what the OP has told me about his social/emotional problems, etc., that's not something to pass over. Especially when these problems actually do affect his 'studying' and academics. Later on in life, he might even have other problems, but since there are so many posts on 'doing well in school', etc., I'd rather just argue with that right now.
About whatever "not getting an iPhone" etc. he's talking about, do note that this indeed shows the typical theory that " if you have no fun, then you will succeed by working", which is completely wrong. Sometimes even my peers use their phones to research whatever idea they have...
Way I see it, I don't think there's this one-dimensional variable (which people term to be studying) that you have to increase only in order to gain a large amount of success, even in academics.
Do note that, many times, information gathering, learning, etc. are all based on that skill of being social. Many of us get advice from other people, right? So, there is indeed an importance to interaction, etc. Furthermore, alot of the times, our ideas/performance stems greatly from emotional support; it's not just 'study study study' that makes us 'efficient' and 'successful'. Many of the world's inventions, theories, work, etc. are a testament to curiosity, interest, etc. and NOT 'work'. And...by this age, it's pretty damn important to have that quality of knowing what's important, especially when you're going into the sciences. You have to fail alot at the sciences with your ideas in order to actually gain anything...and he's just sheltered from FAILURE right now.
This lack of knowing what's good and important is already shown by the OP's statement about studying for AP biology for med school/'finding a cure for cancer', which sound so totally idealistic/"naive".
Can you guarentee he'll gain SKILLS from following his parents like that? As a past math olympiad honorable mention/winner, (I don't mean any arrogance), I find what he's doing REALLY INEFFICIENT and counterproductive to his own/parents' goals, especially with the area of math/science.
Do note that, because of this type of overbearing-parenting in China, not much progress has been made in college; many Chinese are complaining about how the colleges in China are very lackluster.
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EPT
