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On February 16 2013 18:26 Wyrm_uW wrote:
While I don't want to turn this into an 'I had it worse than yours' kind of post, I don't exactly think you have good grounds to stand on. As many people have already mentioned, whining about not having an iPhone is in my opinion very childish. Do you understand how much those things cost? Do you understand that your parents are paying for your data plan, and your phone plan? Sorry kid, I only recently gained the ability to send and receive texts and I work for a Fortune 500 company.
While I agree that Asian Parents can definitely be overbearing, for me specifically including: Violin Lessons, Piano Lessons, Chinese School, 800 Math SATII, 5 on all AP tests, 2 Summer's of 5 hour SAT Prep Classes... these things are not exactly the equivalent of kicking rocks. Accomplishing these things are beneficial to your life, but do consider perhaps attempting to negotiate.
Ask to be rewarded for completing these tasks, BEFORE you do so. If you want that iPhone so badly, don't threaten not to do it, but ask politely and make a case that such a device is something useful in the modern world to have [ even though I disagree with this argument, since I don't even have one ]. Try to convey the idea that now that you're in the US, you have greater opportunities, but need some freedom to pursue them, while assuring that you will do your best to perform well in school.
Remember that the Chinese Cultural Revolution stripped rights away from the citizens, prosecuting intellectuals and sending them to the barren wastes and farm lands. From a parents standpoint, the only sure thing they can provide you are the tools for you to succeed in the future, the easiest of which to accomplish is to give you a good education, one that may have been hard to come by in their hard lives.
So please, put yourself in their shoes, and maybe even ask yourself, Perhaps my parents are pushing me, because they wish they had the kinds of opportunities you have.
Just wanted to second this. Very well put.
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Yeah...your experience and view is nowhere close to what a physically or mentally abusive parents are or does to their child.
The fact that you can whine of not getting an iPhone and say you have abusive parents?
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What have you been getting on your PSATs? 800 math and 2200 overall on the SAT isn't that much to ask.
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Seems like a first world problems whine thread tbh.
Not everyones parents care if they succeed or not, you should consider yourself fortunate that yours do. And guess what? Get a 5 on all your APs and get a 2200+ SAT and if you still feel the same way once you graduate you can go to school really really far away from them on a full scholarship.
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I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way.
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You need social development. Having friends and such.
It's really not that hard to get into college, graduate, and get a job. You don't have to bust your ass like you are. But you will be screwed if you don't learn to socialize and enjoy life. To me, you sound like a good candidate to run into problems with depression when you go off to college. And that can ruin everything. I took AP classes and got 5s on them and got straight As in high school, blah, blah, blah. But I ended up dropping out of college because I had severe problems with depression. I had to spend a couple of years not doing much, just living with my parents. Now, I am 24, and I'm finally back in college, but I still live with my mom. If I had had a more balanced life in high school, I might not have had some of the problems I did that led to me dropping out of college. I would also have just been a much happier person. And that's what it's about--being happy!
You're a sophomore and already taking multiple AP classes. You are way ahead academically. But behind socially, and that is worrisome. If you are happy and healthy, then you will automatically be motivated to work hard and you will do a lot better and learn more. Otherwise, it's drudgery and misery.
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I have friends who are in the top 5% of my class and they have 4+ GPAs with 3 or more APs and they still have tons of times to do fun stuff. Just would like to point that out, but based on what it sounds you definitely need to get out more.
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The emphasis on (perfect) grades is stupid and should be rebelled against. Logically, getting a 4 on any AP test gives you those college credits, and a 3 is often enough as well. Similarly, any grades higher than a B average is enough to get you into a college that offers a world-class education. US colleges are the best in the world.
This concept is magnified if you are planning to go on to medical school -- in that case, high school grades don't matter and college class grades matter much more than actually understanding the content in those classes, from what I've heard.
I was concerned about the PSAT and SAT because I needed a scholarship (I'm from a big family), but it sounds like you are an only child. It is a useless waste of time for you to "study" for these intelligence tests. See the above on getting into colleges. Just for your ease of mind, though, given your academic record, you'll likely ace the PSAT and score above 2200 on the SAT unless you don't use English outside of school or something.
I also just have to second that guy who said taking AP Physics B was a horrible mistake, lol. From what I saw in my college Physics classes, those who took AP Physics considered it absolutely inapplicable (that's not to mention it's probably not going to be accepted for college credit).
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OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
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On February 17 2013 00:06 Cowpieguy wrote:
You need social development. Having friends and such.
It's really not that hard to get into college, graduate, and get a job. You don't have to bust your ass like you are. But you will be screwed if you don't learn to socialize and enjoy life. To me, you sound like a good candidate to run into problems with depression when you go off to college. And that can ruin everything. I took AP classes and got 5s on them and got straight As in high school, blah, blah, blah. But I ended up dropping out of college because I had severe problems with depression. I had to spend a couple of years not doing much, just living with my parents. Now, I am 24, and I'm finally back in college, but I still live with my mom. If I had had a more balanced life in high school, I might not have had some of the problems I did that led to me dropping out of college. I would also have just been a much happier person. And that's what it's about--being happy!
You're a sophomore and already taking multiple AP classes. You are way ahead academically. But behind socially, and that is worrisome. If you are happy and healthy, then you will automatically be motivated to work hard and you will do a lot better and learn more. Otherwise, it's drudgery and misery.
Heed this guy's advice. Personally, I think you have catch up to do, both academically and socially -- but I agree that the social aspect is way more imperative right now.
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United States5491 Posts
On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way.
I agree with you White Dog.
I'd also like to add the fact that people here telling him that getting a 2200 or an 800 in math isn't that much to ask, or getting a 4.0 + taking hard classes is no biggie is ridiculous. Kids are kids. They need room to fuck up and be kids. If you don't let them be kids when they are kids, they will be kids as soon as they are free to be so even if that is 20+ years old. The mocking in here has gone from controlled chiding to completely ridiculous assumptions and blank statements.
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On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
Talk about missing the forest..
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On February 17 2013 04:10 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way. I agree with you White Dog. I'd also like to add the fact that people here telling him that getting a 2200 or an 800 in math isn't that much to ask, or getting a 4.0 + taking hard classes is no biggie is ridiculous. Kids are kids. They need room to fuck up and be kids. If you don't let them be kids when they are kids, they will be kids as soon as they are free to be so even if that is 20+ years old. The mocking in here has gone from controlled chiding to completely ridiculous assumptions and blank statements.
I assume at lot of those statements in here come from people with a similar upbringing. Getting to the point where you can openly admit what was bad and what was good in the way you were raised includes actively questioning your parents decisions.
In a world view where questioning your parents is among the worst possible imaginable scenarios this isn't exactly easy to pull off. Telling someone who apparently isn't feeling well in a similar scenario as you lived through in the past to basically "suck it up because they only want your best, be happy about it" isn't about the guy you're talking to. It's about glorifying your own upbringing.
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Not getting respect or appreciation is not abuse. Take it from someone who knows. There are people much worse off than you, and there are parents who actually do despise their children and wish to hurt them.
Please, get some perspective.
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On February 17 2013 04:57 jackstitties wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese? Talk about missing the forest..
I feel the word is overused, vague, and when it is used, it is always used to overstereotype or instill in the minds of inbred redneck America that Asians all come from one country, have one language, and have one culture.
If the OP is Chinese, then his parents are right (although whether it is ethical or not is debatable) about what they said with him growing up in China. If he's Japanese, then he's doing just the same as everyone else. If he's Korean, he's doing just the same as everyone else. If he's Vietnamese or from some other country in SEA, then he is way ahead of everyone else. As for Americans, he's more than on par.
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On February 16 2013 12:07 sc4k wrote:
All I can say is that if I had had Asian parents I would almost certainly have run away or murdered them. Simply couldn't stand living under such scrutiny and overbearing pressure. My heart goes out to you...just try to endure it as best you can and GTFO of there when you have the resources. Talking to girls takes time anyway, you'll come around to learning it.
Not all asian parents are like what the OP said. Even though there are many many anecdotes of asian parents being tyrannical, you can't generalize and say that ALL asian parents are like that. A counter-example would be my own parents, that are asian (vietnamese boat people) and are quite relaxed even though they are present, caring and thinking about my futur. They don't put any insane psychological pressure like some stories would suggest just because they are asian. Anyhow, I'll just take this blog as an anecdote.
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On February 17 2013 02:49 Enders116 wrote:
OP uses the word "Asian", I do so detest this term... Is the OP Chinese, Korean, or Japanese?
Yea, we all know Chinese parents are the best. Korean / Japanese can fight for silver!!! XD
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United States1475 Posts
Damn dude, you need a social life.
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On February 17 2013 04:12 krndandaman wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2013 00:00 WhiteDog wrote:
I don't understand all the people mocking him.
His parents aren't hitting him, but well he is not feeling well and his familly is certainly abusive in a way. I don't think mocking him is the best way to help him grow up in a stable way. it's because a large population of TL is asian and have gone through something like this before to a lesser or greater degree. calling it "abusive" is a bit too much (that's just unfair to the kids who truly do have abusive parents) though I can definitely feel for him. edit: @OP I've gone through what you've gone through to a lesser degree and I imagine it must be hard for you. However, they won't be able to do this for the rest of your life and you're almost out of that tunnel. Once you get into college they'll get off your back (or they can't get on your back) since you'll be away from home and on your own. Just keep working hard with that in mind and know that your parents only want the best for you even though it might not be projected in the right way.
It's really not. Telling a kid that they'll never amount to anything in life or that they're a failure IS abuse. Severly restricting his options for social interaction too. I'm sure there are parents that are worse but this is pretty bad.
This kind of behaviour is extremely damaging and can have consequences well after he goes off to college. There's really no excuse beyond ignorance for defending them.
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EPT
