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Um, I don't know even where to begin. So much stuff of me resurfaced that just brought back a rush of memories especially after seeing everyone's responses and how many people from all those years still are on TL. The weirdest part was that I didn't remember that long list of flames that I wrote. My memory must have supressed them and suddenly they weren't supressed anymore as old blogs resurfaced. After reading those, all those responses, and then about a 'Schizoid' personality and I was literally appalled at what my life really consisted of.
+ Show Spoiler +Narcissism
Guntrip defines Narcissism as "a characteristic that arises out of the predominately interior life the schizoid lives. His love objects are all inside him and moreover he is greatly identified with them so that his libidinal attachments appear to be in himself. The question, however, is whether the intense inner life of the schizoid is due to a desire for hungry incorporation of external objects or due to withdrawal from the outer to a presumed safer inner world."[37] The need for attachment as a primary motivational force is as strong in the schizoid person as in any other human being. Because the schizoid's love objects are internal, he or she finds safety without connecting and attaching to objects in the real world.[36] Sense of superiority
Guntrip observed that a sense of superiority accompanies self-sufficiency. "One has no need of other people, they can be dispensed with... There often goes with it a feeling of being different from other people."[37] The sense of superiority of the schizoid has nothing to do with the grandiose self of the narcissistic disorder. It does not find expression in the schizoid through the need to devalue or annihilate others who are perceived as offending, criticizing, shaming, or humiliating. This type of superiority was described by a young schizoid man:
"If I am superior to others, if I am above others, then I do not need others. When I say that I am above others, it does not mean that I feel better than them, it means that I am at a distance from them, a safe distance."
It is a feeling of distance rather than of superiority.[36] Loss of affect
Further information: Affect (psychology)
Guntrip saw loss of affect as inevitable,[37] as the tremendous investment made in the self interferes with the desire and ability to be empathic and sensitive toward another person’s experience. These things often seem secondary to securing one's own defensive, safe position. The subjective experience is one of loss of affect.[36]
Some patients experience loss of affect to such a degree that the insensitivity becomes manifest in the extreme as cynicism, callousness, or even cruelty. The patient appears to have no awareness of how his or her comments or actions affect and hurt other people. This loss of affect is more frequently manifest within the patient as genuine confusion, a sense of something missing in his or her emotional life.[36] Loneliness
Guntrip observed that the preceding characteristics result in loneliness: "Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport."[37] This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer. Contrary to the familiar caricature of the schizoid as uncaring and cold, the vast majority of schizoid persons who become patients express at some point in their treatment their longing for friendship and love. This is not the schizoid patient as described in the DSMs. Such longing, however, may not break through except in the schizoid’s fantasy life, to which the therapist may not be allowed access for quite a long period in treatment. If longing is immediately present, however, it is more likely avoidant personality disorder.[citation needed]
There is a very narrow range of classic DSM-defined schizoids for whom the hope of establishing relationships is so minimal as to be almost extinct. The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing. This type of patient believes that some kind of connection and attachment is possible and is well suited to psychotherapy. The psychotherapist, however, may approach the schizoid patient with a sense of therapeutic pessimism, if not nihilism, and may misread the patient by believing that the patient’s wariness is indifference and that caution is coldness.[36]
I think the hardest part was reading all of these abnormal things, and realizing that it was my life that really got to me. I always knew I was special, just not in this way....
Of all personality disorders , schizoid personality disorder is the least commonly diagnosed personality disorder in the general population. The prevalence is approximately one percent. It is diagnosed slightly more often in males.
I saw all of the clinical features of SPD and was shocked beyond words. Absolutely shocked.
Love and Sexuality
asexual, sometimes celibate
free of romantic interests
averse to sexual gossip and innuendo
I am putting emphasis on this one in particular because contrary to what I was thinking, I would NOT have described myself like that despite it being completely true. I was working in basically a large circle to protect my fantasy-projection of the world.
It was a struggle to read through the whole wikipedia page. There were a lot of tears because of the complete shock and loss of words I was at because this is inevitably how I had been living my life and I was under the disillusion that everything was fine.
But, in a way it was liberating. I forced myself to accept the reality of where I am right now and that this wikipedia page basically told me what was in store for me in the future. It told me that this was fixable. I told myself that I would take the rest of the night and just keep to my thoughts because I had gone through a very eye opening ordeal.
Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle that I had been trying to escape. It started with the very notion of being by myself, what feelings did that provoke in me and why those feelings had occurred. Instead of waiting until the next day, I decided to go outside and just talk to my friends. I dried up my tears and went outside just so I could escape the comforting loneliness that had been sweeping my thoughts night after night for weeks on end.
I let down my barriers. These people weren't trying to hurt me, that is just who they were. A question that I just couldn't answer had been swirling around in my mind for a long time and that was, how do I accept people that are different than me? You tolerate them.
After being outside for about an hour talking to people, I returned to my room. Loneliness did not greet me. For once for as long as I can remember, I was not bombarded with any thoughts of if I was accepted or not and I did not care what people thought of me as. There was peace in my mind. Just an overwhelming feeling of tranquility. I went back outside and caught up with some more friends and hung out with them because I hadn't seen them in a while.
I am just glad it is dark and my room mate can't see the tears that keep coming down my face. They are tears of hope. I didn't even sleep on this decision to change, I started immediately because I knew this was something that I needed to turn around right away. I did not want to continue living like this for one more second. The wikipedia page for SPD described my life very accurately. That was the life I had, not the life I wanted. To get the life I want, I just look at all the things on the wiki page and act the opposite of what someone with SPD would do, aka a normal person.
It is just another regular Monday night at college here for me again, but I am calm. I can close my eyes, I am simply at peace, or a state of reverie
User was banned for this post.
  
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This has to be the longest set up for a pun. Ever.
Thousands of posts spanning multiple years. Damn son.
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Jesus Christ, please go to a professional for some help. Reading about SPD on Wikipedia is not the answer to your problems.
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On December 04 2012 15:42 RAGEMOAR The Pope wrote:
This has to be the longest set up for a pun. Ever.
Thousands of posts spanning multiple years. Damn son.
Hahahaha I lol'd
On December 04 2012 15:43 PassionFruit wrote:
Jesus Christ, please go to a professional for some help. Reading about SPD on Wikipedia is not the answer to your problems.
Agreed. WebMD and Wikipedia are criminally infamous for deluding people into thinking they can figure out their own issues with any shred of subjectivity or without any previous knowledge.
What you need is a therapist, and then if they so recommend, a psychiatrist.
Source: I am trying to become a psychiatrist and I know at least this much.
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So you self diagnosed a mental condition on Wikipedia then cried yourself to sleep beacuse you had cured it shortly after reading about it.
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Baa?21242 Posts
What's the viscosity of your life?
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man where do you find the time to write this shit
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1584 Posts
Not sure you're helping yourself trying to fix what you are according to how people on the internet see you. You'd do better to seek a 3rd party like a therapist or even school counselor as a start instead of internet diagnosing yourself, which is never a good idea especially with mental issues. It really is not as simple as reading a Wikipedia page and then curing yourself by doing the opposite of what it says is wrong with you.
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I am glad that you are having this realization. Ignore the haters and bullies here but do seek professional help.
And good luck.
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Yeah, go find a therapist
Or barring that, find a girl who likes to fuck, and is willing to listen. (Sounds corny, but it works.)
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Best of luck yo.
And in case it hasn't been hammered into your head yet, go seek professional help that will actually be able to help you out. You are an unreliable narrator in the story of your life. Get a therapist to smack some sense into you hehe ^^
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SPD is much more nuanced than that. If you think you have it, talk to a trained mental health professional.
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All of your problems can be solved once you muster enough courage to you hire a professional, escort.
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Step1: Read The Happiness Hypothesis.
Step2: Accept your parents.
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Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle
A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency
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On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency
from the tears man, from the tears!
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DIagnosing yourself online will always end you up with the worst possible diagnosis. I stopped doing that after a recurring headache was a vicious brain tumor accordind to the interwebz.
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On December 04 2012 18:30 Diglett wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency from the tears man, from the tears!
SoR I have a poem for you
Sticks and stones may break my bones--
But words can never hurt me
Except when they fly out my mouth
And return to always haunt me
Take my weed, take my life
Take me very seriously
Even though I have no vice
Except to speak stupidity
I played the fool, I played pretend
My words brought me tragedy
Wings they're not, though I intend
To try and defy gravity
Forgive my words, forget me not
I say this with all sincerity
Goodbye cruel world, I've cut the knot
Last words should rhyme in brevity.
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I dont need a therapist to help me think differently
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You aren't qualified to diagnose yourself with anything, and you aren't special regardless. You are fucking weird, though. So there's that, at least. *Tears*
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You're crying at night at your self-diagnosed mental illness. You don't need help. You need to start being rational.
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On December 04 2012 19:12 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 18:30 Diglett wrote:On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency from the tears man, from the tears! SoR I have a poem for you Sticks and stones may break my bones-- But words can never hurt me Except when they fly out my mouth And return to always haunt me Take my weed, take my life Take me very seriously Even though I have no vice Except to speak stupidity I played the fool, I played pretend My words brought me tragedy Wings they're not, though I intend To try and defy gravity Forgive my words, forget me not I say this with all sincerity Goodbye cruel world, I've cut the knot Last words should rhyme in brevity.
I love you shady.
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you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all!
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On December 04 2012 21:27 StateofReverie wrote:
I dont need a therapist to help me think differently
You moron, seek help. Please for gods sake you can't do this on your own. Trust me I've been in a similar spot for years now, you can't do this on your own.
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On December 04 2012 23:44 Jaaaaasper wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 21:27 StateofReverie wrote:
I dont need a therapist to help me think differently You moron, seek help. Please for gods sake you can't do this on your own. Trust me I've been in a similar spot for years now, you can't do this on your own.
Don´t, it´s a trap!
Your emotional investment will only prolong the writhing in the spotlight.
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On December 04 2012 21:27 StateofReverie wrote:
I dont need a therapist to help me think differently
That's what my brother use to say when he was addicted to heroin.
Now he sees a therapist.
That's 100% fucking true.
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On December 04 2012 16:22 Shottaz wrote:
So you self diagnosed a mental condition on Wikipedia then cried yourself to sleep beacuse you had cured it shortly after reading about it.
It's a Christmas miracle!
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whtever u do, go see a psycologist not a psychiatrist since they are evil and will only want to put u on meds. what u need is someone to listen and talk to, not meds. no one needs meds
also work on fixing your diet and getting the proper vitamins and minerals your body needs. it will go a long way to fixing mental issues and bringing clarity in your thoughts
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On December 04 2012 23:20 Ikidomari wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 19:12 Shady Sands wrote:On December 04 2012 18:30 Diglett wrote:On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency from the tears man, from the tears! SoR I have a poem for you Sticks and stones may break my bones-- But words can never hurt me Except when they fly out my mouth And return to always haunt me Take my weed, take my life Take me very seriously Even though I have no vice Except to speak stupidity I played the fool, I played pretend My words brought me tragedy Wings they're not, though I intend To try and defy gravity Forgive my words, forget me not I say this with all sincerity Goodbye cruel world, I've cut the knot Last words should rhyme in brevity. I love you shady.
Haha thanks.
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On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all!
Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it.
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On December 05 2012 02:50 WarSame wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all! Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it.
If I mis-diagnosed then my solution is not going to work and I mis-diagnosed myself. If I diagnosed properly, which is basically to be able to create a more accurate solution, then I will come to a valid solution. If not, then simply re-diagnose something different and modify the solution.
Also I think the most important thing I realized is that I can't wait for stuff to happen. I wanted to change instantly and so far I have been feeling really great. I can close my eyes and sleep. I always realize that I may have only temporarily 'fixed' myself, but deep down inside I know that I am going in the right direction.
edit: This is the first weekend that I have actually started looking forward to as well instead of always dreading it
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On December 04 2012 16:22 Shottaz wrote:
So you self diagnosed a mental condition on Wikipedia then cried yourself to sleep beacuse you had cured it shortly after reading about it.
for my next trick, CANCER!!!!!
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I love your blogs, keep up the good work.
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On December 05 2012 04:37 StateofReverie wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 02:50 WarSame wrote:On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all! Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it. If I mis-diagnosed then my solution is not going to work and I mis-diagnosed myself. If I diagnosed properly, which is basically to be able to create a more accurate solution, then I will come to a valid solution. If not, then simply re-diagnose something different and modify the solution. Also I think the most important thing I realized is that I can't wait for stuff to happen. I wanted to change instantly and so far I have been feeling really great. I can close my eyes and sleep. I always realize that I may have only temporarily 'fixed' myself, but deep down inside I know that I am going in the right direction. edit: This is the first weekend that I have actually started looking forward to as well instead of always dreading it
I dont think people want you to see a therapist regarding the stuff you self diagnosed yourself with... But rather that you actually did it, believing you made an accurate guess and that you cured it within an hour or two...
Me myself I just think you are an insecure 18 year old, and I would be surprised if not everyone got their own personal stuff to deal with in their teens. Some people take longer time to mature, one day you will look back thinking "wow what the fuck was I thinking?"
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On December 05 2012 07:08 ZpuX wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 04:37 StateofReverie wrote:On December 05 2012 02:50 WarSame wrote:On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all! Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it. If I mis-diagnosed then my solution is not going to work and I mis-diagnosed myself. If I diagnosed properly, which is basically to be able to create a more accurate solution, then I will come to a valid solution. If not, then simply re-diagnose something different and modify the solution. Also I think the most important thing I realized is that I can't wait for stuff to happen. I wanted to change instantly and so far I have been feeling really great. I can close my eyes and sleep. I always realize that I may have only temporarily 'fixed' myself, but deep down inside I know that I am going in the right direction. edit: This is the first weekend that I have actually started looking forward to as well instead of always dreading it I dont think people want you to see a therapist regarding the stuff you self diagnosed yourself with... But rather that you actually did it, believing you made an accurate guess and that you cured it within an hour or two... Me myself I just think you are an insecure 18 year old, and I would be surprised if not everyone got their own personal stuff to deal with in their teens. Some people take longer time to mature, one day you will look back thinking "wow what the fuck was I thinking?"
Or if you're like me, every month you'll look back a month and think "what the fuck was I thinking?"
SoR it's good that you are feeling a lot better now, but you still may want to go visit a therapist, even just once or twice. Your university probably has some available, if you'd like. It is pretty important that you get yourself figured out.
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Ya going to recommened you talk to the health center at your school. Tell em you want to talk to a mental specilist and see what they got. It will prolly be free and easy.
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I just tried to diagnose myself with Wikipedia and WebMD. Turns out I am God.
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On December 05 2012 11:06 jdseemoreglass wrote:
I just tried to diagnose myself with Wikipedia and WebMD. Turns out I am God.
No way, me too!
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call me crazy but I have always been a risk taker hahaha
I figure give myself a week, mark any noticeable improvements and if there aren't any, go to a therpaist or the psychology stuff that everyone is saying, I mean 1 more week wont hurt
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I have a friend who within the last few years had some pretty serious mental troubles. No matter what I or other could do for him, and although we didn't realize it at the time, it was always best for him to seek professional help. Never forget, if you have a problem, they are trained specifically to help you. Use their resources.
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On December 04 2012 19:12 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2012 18:30 Diglett wrote:On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency from the tears man, from the tears! SoR I have a poem for you Sticks and stones may break my bones-- But words can never hurt me Except when they fly out my mouth And return to always haunt me Take my weed, take my life Take me very seriously Even though I have no vice Except to speak stupidity I played the fool, I played pretend My words brought me tragedy Wings they're not, though I intend To try and defy gravity Forgive my words, forget me not I say this with all sincerity Goodbye cruel world, I've cut the knot Last words should rhyme in brevity.
So cruel t.t
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On December 05 2012 04:37 StateofReverie wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 02:50 WarSame wrote:On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all! Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it. If I mis-diagnosed then my solution is not going to work and I mis-diagnosed myself. If I diagnosed properly, which is basically to be able to create a more accurate solution, then I will come to a valid solution. If not, then simply re-diagnose something different and modify the solution. Also I think the most important thing I realized is that I can't wait for stuff to happen. I wanted to change instantly and so far I have been feeling really great. I can close my eyes and sleep. I always realize that I may have only temporarily 'fixed' myself, but deep down inside I know that I am going in the right direction. edit: This is the first weekend that I have actually started looking forward to as well instead of always dreading it
Hey man, I'm really glad to hear you're starting to take steps in the right direction, so regardless of what you may think, there are people on TL who want to support you and help you develop into a more adjusted and mature adult, and are happy to hear you're becoming more self aware.
However please don't sell yourself short by thinking by reading an article that you think applies to you, you somehow know everything and are your own perfect, unapprochable guru. This approach is designed to fail. If you mis-diagnose you have no way of knowing it, and so you fail and don't change. You deserve better than that.
There are two key flaws: you think you are capable of diagnosing yourself correctly. That would imply you understand yourself and your interaction with others to an advanced degree, but by the very nature of your problem, you're not able to do that, as you are markedly socially un-aware and ill-adjusted. Even if you try again and again, its still you looking in the mirror, but your mirror only reflects blue light rather than the whole specturm, so to speak.
Second, you assume you would be able to perscribe solutions. Adequate solutions, functional solutions, well I hope so, and with more self-awareness and maturity that will come, a bit, but it won't get you too far, judging from your posts. Recognizing the problem is the first step, which has to do with identifying it. The next part is perscribing a 'remedy course' of sorts, to help you grow out of the problem.
Unfortunately, knowing HOW exactly to transition out of that state of 'less maturity' takes wisdom, experience, and maturity. Those are the things you need to grow into. Note how I say grow into, not attain or immediately understand, because they are attributes that you develop through experience, not intellectual insights that immediately click into place. To know what steps to take to grow, you need to have already grown. Please see, by definition, you simply cannot do this alone. And that's ok, because there are people who will help you!
If people were able to be their own mentors, then everyone would be insanely well-developped, wise, insightful and mature. Walk around, look outside, and observe that's not the case. It doesn't work that way ... by its very nature.
What you need is a mentor. Someone with wise counsel, who can see you as you are. You are seeking to improve the way you interact with other people. You can't see you, the way others do, only an outside person can see you the way outside people do. So get an outside person who you can trust, who can tell you how you come off. (Hopefully) you'll really not like what you hear, but rather than rejecting that person's observation (which by the way is not a judgement of your character, simply of the persona you emit), please wrestle with it, and try and see if there's any truth in it, and try and understand.
Outside input is the key throughout, here.To learn good and healthy contact with other people, you need a solid contact to show you the path! I'd say a mentor is much more suited to your personal maturity/social development than a therapist, because cost, and a true friend is much more valuable and invested in your life than someone you pay. Just be cautious to not trust yourself too readily to just some anybody. Ask your college's support system about mentoring, counseling, support.... you're not the only person who has social interactions and identity down perfect, heck I sure don't, so THERE ARE PROVISIONS out there, don't be dumb and under-shoot by trying to lift the world on your own.
Hope that helps, and if you contest anything please raise the issue so we can talk about it. Take care. Oh, and if they aren't overly weird/bible-thumping, in my experience going to the local InterVarsity Bible Study and saying "I'm new, still finding my feet, and just want trustworthy friends who won't shove stuff down my throat" you'll find they are people whose entire belief systems (and hopefully their lives too) revolve around being compassionate, caring for, and supporting those around them, so if anyone they're the ones who should be sought out [:
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On December 05 2012 12:29 bITt.mAN wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 04:37 StateofReverie wrote:On December 05 2012 02:50 WarSame wrote:On December 04 2012 23:39 meteorskunk wrote:
you man! you man!
you man! you man
after all!
human human human human human human after all!
you man! you man you man you man you man you man you man you man after all!
human human human you man human you man after all! Oh Good Lord meteor, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. SoR - you probably should go check out a therapist. They help. More people use them than would admit. You admit you have problems, but if you mis-diagnosed yourself how would you know? A professional could diagnose and give advice how to handle it. If I mis-diagnosed then my solution is not going to work and I mis-diagnosed myself. If I diagnosed properly, which is basically to be able to create a more accurate solution, then I will come to a valid solution. If not, then simply re-diagnose something different and modify the solution. Also I think the most important thing I realized is that I can't wait for stuff to happen. I wanted to change instantly and so far I have been feeling really great. I can close my eyes and sleep. I always realize that I may have only temporarily 'fixed' myself, but deep down inside I know that I am going in the right direction. edit: This is the first weekend that I have actually started looking forward to as well instead of always dreading it Hey man, I'm really glad to hear you're starting to take steps in the right direction, so regardless of what you may think, there are people on TL who want to support you and help you develop into a more adjusted and mature adult, and are happy to hear you're becoming more self aware. However please don't sell yourself short by thinking by reading an article that you think applies to you, you somehow know everything and are your own perfect, unapprochable guru. This approach is designed to fail. If you mis-diagnose you have no way of knowing it, and so you fail and don't change. You deserve better than that. There are two key flaws: you think you are capable of diagnosing yourself correctly. That would imply you understand yourself and your interaction with others to an advanced degree, but by the very nature of your problem, you're not able to do that, as you are markedly socially un-aware and ill-adjusted. Even if you try again and again, its still you looking in the mirror, but your mirror only reflects blue light rather than the whole specturm, so to speak. Second, you assume you would be able to perscribe solutions. Adequate solutions, functional solutions, well I hope so, and with more self-awareness and maturity that will come, a bit, but it won't get you too far, judging from your posts. Recognizing the problem is the first step, which has to do with identifying it. The next part is perscribing a 'remedy course' of sorts, to help you grow out of the problem. Unfortunately, knowing HOW exactly to transition out of that state of 'less maturity' takes wisdom, experience, and maturity. Those are the things you need to grow into. Note how I say grow into, not attain or immediately understand, because they are attributes that you develop through experience, not intellectual insights that immediately click into place. To know what steps to take to grow, you need to have already grown. Please see, by definition, you simply cannot do this alone. And that's ok, because there are people who will help you! If people were able to be their own mentors, then everyone would be insanely well-developped, wise, insightful and mature. Walk around, look outside, and observe that's not the case. It doesn't work that way ... by its very nature. What you need is a mentor. Someone with wise counsel, who can see you as you are. You are seeking to improve the way you interact with other people. You can't see you, the way others do, only an outside person can see you the way outside people do. So get an outside person who you can trust, who can tell you how you come off. (Hopefully) you'll really not like what you hear, but rather than rejecting that person's observation (which by the way is not a judgement of your character, simply of the persona you emit), please wrestle with it, and try and see if there's any truth in it, and try and understand. Outside input is the key throughout, here.To learn good and healthy contact with other people, you need a solid contact to show you the path! I'd say a mentor is much more suited to your personal maturity/social development than a therapist, because cost, and a true friend is much more valuable and invested in your life than someone you pay. Just be cautious to not trust yourself too readily to just some anybody. Ask your college's support system about mentoring, counseling, support.... you're not the only person who has social interactions and identity down perfect, heck I sure don't, so THERE ARE PROVISIONS out there, don't be dumb and under-shoot by trying to lift the world on your own. Hope that helps, and if you contest anything please raise the issue so we can talk about it. Take care. Oh, and if they aren't overly weird/bible-thumping, in my experience going to the local InterVarsity Bible Study and saying "I'm new, still finding my feet, and just want trustworthy friends who won't shove stuff down my throat" you'll find they are people whose entire belief systems (and hopefully their lives too) revolve around being compassionate, caring for, and supporting those around them, so if anyone they're the ones who should be sought out [:
thx.
Id just like to say that I didn't mis diagnose myself, I just attempted to change the ways I look at social situations which is to NOT do what I have been doing my whole life.
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At first, when I read this blog, I laughed. I laughed my ass off. I was crying, on the floor, face next to my ass. Now, with the little red spot, I can only cry. The last laugh I will have at the expense of StateofReverie.
Good night, sweet price.
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EPT
