• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 23:32
CEST 05:32
KST 12:32
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins EWC 202519Tournament Spotlight: FEL Cracow 20259Power Rank - Esports World Cup 202580RSL Season 1 - Final Week9[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall15
Community News
[BSL 2025] H2 - Team Wars, Weeklies & SB Ladder2EWC 2025 - Replay Pack2Google Play ASL (Season 20) Announced33BSL Team Wars - Bonyth, Dewalt, Hawk & Sziky teams10Weekly Cups (July 14-20): Final Check-up0
StarCraft 2
General
Greatest Players of All Time: 2025 Update #1: Maru - Greatest Players of All Time Serral wins EWC 2025 Power Rank - Esports World Cup 2025 EWC 2025 - Replay Pack
Tourneys
TaeJa vs Creator Bo7 SC Evo Showmatch Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $10,000 live event Esports World Cup 2025 $25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 484 Magnetic Pull Mutation #239 Bad Weather Mutation # 483 Kill Bot Wars Mutation # 482 Wheel of Misfortune
Brood War
General
Shield Battery Server New Patch Google Play ASL (Season 20) Announced [G] Progamer Settings StarCraft & BroodWar Campaign Speedrun Quest BW General Discussion
Tourneys
[BSL] Non-Korean Championship - Final weekend [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China CSL Xiamen International Invitational
Strategy
Does 1 second matter in StarCraft? Simple Questions, Simple Answers Muta micro map competition [G] Mineral Boosting
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Total Annihilation Server - TAForever [MMORPG] Tree of Savior (Successor of Ragnarok) Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread UK Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine
Fan Clubs
INnoVation Fan Club SKT1 Classic Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece Korean Music Discussion
Sports
2024 - 2025 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NBA General Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Gtx660 graphics card replacement Installation of Windows 10 suck at "just a moment" Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
TeamLiquid Team Shirt On Sale The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Ping To Win? Pings And Their…
TrAiDoS
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Socialism Anyone?
GreenHorizons
Eight Anniversary as a TL…
Mizenhauer
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 536 users

Tears

Blogs > StateofReverie
Post a Reply
1 2 3 Next All
StateofReverie
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
United States633 Posts
December 04 2012 06:36 GMT
#1
Um, I don't know even where to begin. So much stuff of me resurfaced that just brought back a rush of memories especially after seeing everyone's responses and how many people from all those years still are on TL. The weirdest part was that I didn't remember that long list of flames that I wrote. My memory must have supressed them and suddenly they weren't supressed anymore as old blogs resurfaced. After reading those, all those responses, and then about a 'Schizoid' personality and I was literally appalled at what my life really consisted of.

+ Show Spoiler +
Narcissism

Guntrip defines Narcissism as "a characteristic that arises out of the predominately interior life the schizoid lives. His love objects are all inside him and moreover he is greatly identified with them so that his libidinal attachments appear to be in himself. The question, however, is whether the intense inner life of the schizoid is due to a desire for hungry incorporation of external objects or due to withdrawal from the outer to a presumed safer inner world."[37] The need for attachment as a primary motivational force is as strong in the schizoid person as in any other human being. Because the schizoid's love objects are internal, he or she finds safety without connecting and attaching to objects in the real world.[36]


Sense of superiority

Guntrip observed that a sense of superiority accompanies self-sufficiency. "One has no need of other people, they can be dispensed with... There often goes with it a feeling of being different from other people."[37] The sense of superiority of the schizoid has nothing to do with the grandiose self of the narcissistic disorder. It does not find expression in the schizoid through the need to devalue or annihilate others who are perceived as offending, criticizing, shaming, or humiliating. This type of superiority was described by a young schizoid man:

"If I am superior to others, if I am above others, then I do not need others. When I say that I am above others, it does not mean that I feel better than them, it means that I am at a distance from them, a safe distance."

It is a feeling of distance rather than of superiority.[36]


Loss of affect
Further information: Affect (psychology)

Guntrip saw loss of affect as inevitable,[37] as the tremendous investment made in the self interferes with the desire and ability to be empathic and sensitive toward another person’s experience. These things often seem secondary to securing one's own defensive, safe position. The subjective experience is one of loss of affect.[36]

Some patients experience loss of affect to such a degree that the insensitivity becomes manifest in the extreme as cynicism, callousness, or even cruelty. The patient appears to have no awareness of how his or her comments or actions affect and hurt other people. This loss of affect is more frequently manifest within the patient as genuine confusion, a sense of something missing in his or her emotional life.[36]


Loneliness

Guntrip observed that the preceding characteristics result in loneliness: "Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport."[37] This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer. Contrary to the familiar caricature of the schizoid as uncaring and cold, the vast majority of schizoid persons who become patients express at some point in their treatment their longing for friendship and love. This is not the schizoid patient as described in the DSMs. Such longing, however, may not break through except in the schizoid’s fantasy life, to which the therapist may not be allowed access for quite a long period in treatment. If longing is immediately present, however, it is more likely avoidant personality disorder.[citation needed]

There is a very narrow range of classic DSM-defined schizoids for whom the hope of establishing relationships is so minimal as to be almost extinct. The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing. This type of patient believes that some kind of connection and attachment is possible and is well suited to psychotherapy. The psychotherapist, however, may approach the schizoid patient with a sense of therapeutic pessimism, if not nihilism, and may misread the patient by believing that the patient’s wariness is indifference and that caution is coldness.[36]


I think the hardest part was reading all of these abnormal things, and realizing that it was my life that really got to me. I always knew I was special, just not in this way....

Of all personality disorders , schizoid personality disorder is the least commonly diagnosed personality disorder in the general population. The prevalence is approximately one percent. It is diagnosed slightly more often in males.


I saw all of the clinical features of SPD and was shocked beyond words. Absolutely shocked.

Love and Sexuality
asexual, sometimes celibate
free of romantic interests
averse to sexual gossip and innuendo

I am putting emphasis on this one in particular because contrary to what I was thinking, I would NOT have described myself like that despite it being completely true. I was working in basically a large circle to protect my fantasy-projection of the world.

It was a struggle to read through the whole wikipedia page. There were a lot of tears because of the complete shock and loss of words I was at because this is inevitably how I had been living my life and I was under the disillusion that everything was fine.

But, in a way it was liberating. I forced myself to accept the reality of where I am right now and that this wikipedia page basically told me what was in store for me in the future. It told me that this was fixable. I told myself that I would take the rest of the night and just keep to my thoughts because I had gone through a very eye opening ordeal.

Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle that I had been trying to escape. It started with the very notion of being by myself, what feelings did that provoke in me and why those feelings had occurred. Instead of waiting until the next day, I decided to go outside and just talk to my friends. I dried up my tears and went outside just so I could escape the comforting loneliness that had been sweeping my thoughts night after night for weeks on end.

I let down my barriers. These people weren't trying to hurt me, that is just who they were. A question that I just couldn't answer had been swirling around in my mind for a long time and that was, how do I accept people that are different than me? You tolerate them.

After being outside for about an hour talking to people, I returned to my room. Loneliness did not greet me. For once for as long as I can remember, I was not bombarded with any thoughts of if I was accepted or not and I did not care what people thought of me as. There was peace in my mind. Just an overwhelming feeling of tranquility. I went back outside and caught up with some more friends and hung out with them because I hadn't seen them in a while.

I am just glad it is dark and my room mate can't see the tears that keep coming down my face. They are tears of hope. I didn't even sleep on this decision to change, I started immediately because I knew this was something that I needed to turn around right away. I did not want to continue living like this for one more second. The wikipedia page for SPD described my life very accurately. That was the life I had, not the life I wanted. To get the life I want, I just look at all the things on the wiki page and act the opposite of what someone with SPD would do, aka a normal person.

It is just another regular Monday night at college here for me again, but I am calm. I can close my eyes, I am simply at peace, or a state of reverie

User was banned for this post.

*
RAGEMOAR The Pope
Profile Joined February 2011
United States216 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-12-04 06:43:32
December 04 2012 06:42 GMT
#2
This has to be the longest set up for a pun. Ever.

Thousands of posts spanning multiple years. Damn son.
PassionFruit
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
294 Posts
December 04 2012 06:43 GMT
#3
Jesus Christ, please go to a professional for some help. Reading about SPD on Wikipedia is not the answer to your problems.
Jealous
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
10151 Posts
December 04 2012 06:51 GMT
#4
On December 04 2012 15:42 RAGEMOAR The Pope wrote:
This has to be the longest set up for a pun. Ever.

Thousands of posts spanning multiple years. Damn son.

Hahahaha I lol'd

On December 04 2012 15:43 PassionFruit wrote:
Jesus Christ, please go to a professional for some help. Reading about SPD on Wikipedia is not the answer to your problems.

Agreed. WebMD and Wikipedia are criminally infamous for deluding people into thinking they can figure out their own issues with any shred of subjectivity or without any previous knowledge.

What you need is a therapist, and then if they so recommend, a psychiatrist.

Source: I am trying to become a psychiatrist and I know at least this much.
"The right to vote is only the oar of the slaveship, I wanna be free." -- бум бум сучка!
Shottaz
Profile Joined December 2010
United Kingdom414 Posts
December 04 2012 07:22 GMT
#5
So you self diagnosed a mental condition on Wikipedia then cried yourself to sleep beacuse you had cured it shortly after reading about it.
Praise the sun! \o/
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21243 Posts
December 04 2012 07:39 GMT
#6
What's the viscosity of your life?
TranslatorBaa!
synapse
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
China13814 Posts
December 04 2012 07:48 GMT
#7
man where do you find the time to write this shit
:)
keit
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
1584 Posts
December 04 2012 07:48 GMT
#8
Not sure you're helping yourself trying to fix what you are according to how people on the internet see you. You'd do better to seek a 3rd party like a therapist or even school counselor as a start instead of internet diagnosing yourself, which is never a good idea especially with mental issues. It really is not as simple as reading a Wikipedia page and then curing yourself by doing the opposite of what it says is wrong with you.
Graphics
phosphorylation
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States2935 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-12-04 08:02:42
December 04 2012 08:01 GMT
#9
I am glad that you are having this realization. Ignore the haters and bullies here but do seek professional help.
And good luck.
Buy prints of my photographs at Redbubble -> http://www.redbubble.com/people/shoenberg3
Shady Sands
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States4021 Posts
December 04 2012 08:34 GMT
#10
Yeah, go find a therapist

Or barring that, find a girl who likes to fuck, and is willing to listen. (Sounds corny, but it works.)
Что?
Aerisky
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States12129 Posts
December 04 2012 08:36 GMT
#11
Best of luck yo.

And in case it hasn't been hammered into your head yet, go seek professional help that will actually be able to help you out. You are an unreliable narrator in the story of your life. Get a therapist to smack some sense into you hehe ^^
Jim while Johnny had had had had had had had; had had had had the better effect on the teacher.
Froadac
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States6733 Posts
December 04 2012 08:51 GMT
#12
SPD is much more nuanced than that. If you think you have it, talk to a trained mental health professional.
lisward
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Singapore959 Posts
December 04 2012 08:55 GMT
#13
All of your problems can be solved once you muster enough courage to you hire a professional, escort.
Opinions are like phasers -- everybody ought to have one
husniack
Profile Blog Joined January 2012
203 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-12-04 09:09:47
December 04 2012 09:02 GMT
#14
Step1: Read The Happiness Hypothesis.
Step2: Accept your parents.
marttorn
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
Norway5211 Posts
December 04 2012 09:25 GMT
#15
Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle


A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency
memes are a dish best served dank
Diglett
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
600 Posts
December 04 2012 09:30 GMT
#16
On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:
Show nested quote +
Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle


A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency


from the tears man, from the tears!
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
December 04 2012 10:09 GMT
#17
DIagnosing yourself online will always end you up with the worst possible diagnosis. I stopped doing that after a recurring headache was a vicious brain tumor accordind to the interwebz.
Shady Sands
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States4021 Posts
December 04 2012 10:12 GMT
#18
On December 04 2012 18:30 Diglett wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 04 2012 18:25 marttorn wrote:
Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle


A viscous cycle; It's a cycle with a thick, sticky consistency


from the tears man, from the tears!

SoR I have a poem for you

Sticks and stones may break my bones--
But words can never hurt me
Except when they fly out my mouth
And return to always haunt me

Take my weed, take my life
Take me very seriously
Even though I have no vice
Except to speak stupidity

I played the fool, I played pretend
My words brought me tragedy
Wings they're not, though I intend
To try and defy gravity

Forgive my words, forget me not
I say this with all sincerity
Goodbye cruel world, I've cut the knot
Last words should rhyme in brevity.
Что?
StateofReverie
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
United States633 Posts
December 04 2012 12:27 GMT
#19
I dont need a therapist to help me think differently
Sero
Profile Joined October 2010
United States692 Posts
December 04 2012 12:57 GMT
#20
You aren't qualified to diagnose yourself with anything, and you aren't special regardless. You are fucking weird, though. So there's that, at least. *Tears*
<3 FlaSh HiyA Stats HoeJJa
1 2 3 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
PiGosaur Monday
00:00
#42
CranKy Ducklings188
EnkiAlexander 134
davetesta62
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
WinterStarcraft299
Nina 192
RuFF_SC2 164
Livibee 63
ProTech35
StarCraft: Brood War
Sea 4201
NaDa 62
Sexy 48
Noble 45
Bale 25
Aegong 12
Icarus 7
Dota 2
monkeys_forever562
NeuroSwarm99
Counter-Strike
Fnx 2001
Stewie2K1023
Coldzera 325
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox589
Other Games
summit1g13472
shahzam1346
ViBE228
Maynarde181
Trikslyr48
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick1738
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 17 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH327
• Hupsaiya 63
• practicex 19
• Kozan
• Migwel
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• sooper7s
• intothetv
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
StarCraft: Brood War
• iopq 3
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
League of Legends
• Rush1480
• Stunt124
Other Games
• Scarra1415
Upcoming Events
OSC
8h 58m
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
12h 28m
The PondCast
1d 6h
Online Event
1d 12h
Korean StarCraft League
2 days
CranKy Ducklings
3 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
3 days
Mihu vs QiaoGege
Zhanhun vs Dewalt
Fengzi vs TBD
Online Event
3 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
4 days
Bonyth vs TBD
[ Show More ]
OSC
5 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

BSL 20 Non-Korean Championship
FEL Cracow 2025
Underdog Cup #2

Ongoing

Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
BSL 20 Team Wars
CC Div. A S7
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025

Upcoming

BSL 21 Qualifiers
ASL Season 20: Qualifier #1
ASL Season 20: Qualifier #2
ASL Season 20
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
BSL Season 21
RSL Revival: Season 2
Maestros of the Game
SEL Season 2 Championship
WardiTV Summer 2025
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
HCC Europe
Yuqilin POB S2
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.