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Narcissism
Guntrip defines Narcissism as "a characteristic that arises out of the predominately interior life the schizoid lives. His love objects are all inside him and moreover he is greatly identified with them so that his libidinal attachments appear to be in himself. The question, however, is whether the intense inner life of the schizoid is due to a desire for hungry incorporation of external objects or due to withdrawal from the outer to a presumed safer inner world."[37] The need for attachment as a primary motivational force is as strong in the schizoid person as in any other human being. Because the schizoid's love objects are internal, he or she finds safety without connecting and attaching to objects in the real world.[36]
Guntrip defines Narcissism as "a characteristic that arises out of the predominately interior life the schizoid lives. His love objects are all inside him and moreover he is greatly identified with them so that his libidinal attachments appear to be in himself. The question, however, is whether the intense inner life of the schizoid is due to a desire for hungry incorporation of external objects or due to withdrawal from the outer to a presumed safer inner world."[37] The need for attachment as a primary motivational force is as strong in the schizoid person as in any other human being. Because the schizoid's love objects are internal, he or she finds safety without connecting and attaching to objects in the real world.[36]
Sense of superiority
Guntrip observed that a sense of superiority accompanies self-sufficiency. "One has no need of other people, they can be dispensed with... There often goes with it a feeling of being different from other people."[37] The sense of superiority of the schizoid has nothing to do with the grandiose self of the narcissistic disorder. It does not find expression in the schizoid through the need to devalue or annihilate others who are perceived as offending, criticizing, shaming, or humiliating. This type of superiority was described by a young schizoid man:
"If I am superior to others, if I am above others, then I do not need others. When I say that I am above others, it does not mean that I feel better than them, it means that I am at a distance from them, a safe distance."
It is a feeling of distance rather than of superiority.[36]
Guntrip observed that a sense of superiority accompanies self-sufficiency. "One has no need of other people, they can be dispensed with... There often goes with it a feeling of being different from other people."[37] The sense of superiority of the schizoid has nothing to do with the grandiose self of the narcissistic disorder. It does not find expression in the schizoid through the need to devalue or annihilate others who are perceived as offending, criticizing, shaming, or humiliating. This type of superiority was described by a young schizoid man:
"If I am superior to others, if I am above others, then I do not need others. When I say that I am above others, it does not mean that I feel better than them, it means that I am at a distance from them, a safe distance."
It is a feeling of distance rather than of superiority.[36]
Loss of affect
Further information: Affect (psychology)
Guntrip saw loss of affect as inevitable,[37] as the tremendous investment made in the self interferes with the desire and ability to be empathic and sensitive toward another person’s experience. These things often seem secondary to securing one's own defensive, safe position. The subjective experience is one of loss of affect.[36]
Some patients experience loss of affect to such a degree that the insensitivity becomes manifest in the extreme as cynicism, callousness, or even cruelty. The patient appears to have no awareness of how his or her comments or actions affect and hurt other people. This loss of affect is more frequently manifest within the patient as genuine confusion, a sense of something missing in his or her emotional life.[36]
Further information: Affect (psychology)
Guntrip saw loss of affect as inevitable,[37] as the tremendous investment made in the self interferes with the desire and ability to be empathic and sensitive toward another person’s experience. These things often seem secondary to securing one's own defensive, safe position. The subjective experience is one of loss of affect.[36]
Some patients experience loss of affect to such a degree that the insensitivity becomes manifest in the extreme as cynicism, callousness, or even cruelty. The patient appears to have no awareness of how his or her comments or actions affect and hurt other people. This loss of affect is more frequently manifest within the patient as genuine confusion, a sense of something missing in his or her emotional life.[36]
Loneliness
Guntrip observed that the preceding characteristics result in loneliness: "Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport."[37] This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer. Contrary to the familiar caricature of the schizoid as uncaring and cold, the vast majority of schizoid persons who become patients express at some point in their treatment their longing for friendship and love. This is not the schizoid patient as described in the DSMs. Such longing, however, may not break through except in the schizoid’s fantasy life, to which the therapist may not be allowed access for quite a long period in treatment. If longing is immediately present, however, it is more likely avoidant personality disorder.[citation needed]
There is a very narrow range of classic DSM-defined schizoids for whom the hope of establishing relationships is so minimal as to be almost extinct. The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing. This type of patient believes that some kind of connection and attachment is possible and is well suited to psychotherapy. The psychotherapist, however, may approach the schizoid patient with a sense of therapeutic pessimism, if not nihilism, and may misread the patient by believing that the patient’s wariness is indifference and that caution is coldness.[36]
Guntrip observed that the preceding characteristics result in loneliness: "Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport."[37] This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer. Contrary to the familiar caricature of the schizoid as uncaring and cold, the vast majority of schizoid persons who become patients express at some point in their treatment their longing for friendship and love. This is not the schizoid patient as described in the DSMs. Such longing, however, may not break through except in the schizoid’s fantasy life, to which the therapist may not be allowed access for quite a long period in treatment. If longing is immediately present, however, it is more likely avoidant personality disorder.[citation needed]
There is a very narrow range of classic DSM-defined schizoids for whom the hope of establishing relationships is so minimal as to be almost extinct. The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing. This type of patient believes that some kind of connection and attachment is possible and is well suited to psychotherapy. The psychotherapist, however, may approach the schizoid patient with a sense of therapeutic pessimism, if not nihilism, and may misread the patient by believing that the patient’s wariness is indifference and that caution is coldness.[36]
I think the hardest part was reading all of these abnormal things, and realizing that it was my life that really got to me. I always knew I was special, just not in this way....
Of all personality disorders , schizoid personality disorder is the least commonly diagnosed personality disorder in the general population. The prevalence is approximately one percent. It is diagnosed slightly more often in males.
I saw all of the clinical features of SPD and was shocked beyond words. Absolutely shocked.
Love and Sexuality
asexual, sometimes celibate
free of romantic interests
averse to sexual gossip and innuendo
I am putting emphasis on this one in particular because contrary to what I was thinking, I would NOT have described myself like that despite it being completely true. I was working in basically a large circle to protect my fantasy-projection of the world.
It was a struggle to read through the whole wikipedia page. There were a lot of tears because of the complete shock and loss of words I was at because this is inevitably how I had been living my life and I was under the disillusion that everything was fine.
But, in a way it was liberating. I forced myself to accept the reality of where I am right now and that this wikipedia page basically told me what was in store for me in the future. It told me that this was fixable. I told myself that I would take the rest of the night and just keep to my thoughts because I had gone through a very eye opening ordeal.
Then I caught myself, this was the viscous cycle that I had been trying to escape. It started with the very notion of being by myself, what feelings did that provoke in me and why those feelings had occurred. Instead of waiting until the next day, I decided to go outside and just talk to my friends. I dried up my tears and went outside just so I could escape the comforting loneliness that had been sweeping my thoughts night after night for weeks on end.
I let down my barriers. These people weren't trying to hurt me, that is just who they were. A question that I just couldn't answer had been swirling around in my mind for a long time and that was, how do I accept people that are different than me? You tolerate them.
After being outside for about an hour talking to people, I returned to my room. Loneliness did not greet me. For once for as long as I can remember, I was not bombarded with any thoughts of if I was accepted or not and I did not care what people thought of me as. There was peace in my mind. Just an overwhelming feeling of tranquility. I went back outside and caught up with some more friends and hung out with them because I hadn't seen them in a while.
I am just glad it is dark and my room mate can't see the tears that keep coming down my face. They are tears of hope. I didn't even sleep on this decision to change, I started immediately because I knew this was something that I needed to turn around right away. I did not want to continue living like this for one more second. The wikipedia page for SPD described my life very accurately. That was the life I had, not the life I wanted. To get the life I want, I just look at all the things on the wiki page and act the opposite of what someone with SPD would do, aka a normal person.
It is just another regular Monday night at college here for me again, but I am calm. I can close my eyes, I am simply at peace, or a state of reverie
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