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Full of Joy and Emptiness

Blogs > wwJd)El_Mojjo
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wwJd)El_Mojjo
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
Sweden173 Posts
August 08 2012 21:31 GMT
#1
I was inspired to share something of my experiences in life after reading through this thread:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=359023

A warning for the most sensitive readers is probably in order though. This blog will probably contain a lot of Christian propaganda and even a Bible reference or two. I know of course that there are different beliefs out there, I'm not trying to prove anything here. But if I am to describe my own experience then I need to do it from my own perspective and treat some things as absolute truths even though I know a lot of people do not know whether it is true or even believes the opposite.
So tread carefully if you're allergic to that kind of stuff.

Also, the purpose of this blog is to share my thoughts about the meaning of life. Just so you know, I won't enter a religious debate or discuss Christianity as a religion, and I would like to advise you to do the same, such discussions rarely lead anywhere in forums. If you have any questions you really want to ask, I'd rather you PM me or something instead. Kindly keep any posts to the topic of the meaning in life for you as an individual or in response to my personal story.
---

Imagine a happy guy, full of memories of his perfect life. He has a clear conscience and is a really nice
guy with lots of friends. Everything in his life always ends up wonderfully. The world he is living in is a world full of life, where those who work hard always are rewarded. This man has made his soul dependant of the world, so that fortune always smiled on him. Thus I ask, what more is needed in order to create hell?

This story may seem contradictory and maybe a little provoking. My point is to emphasize the difference between a life which emanates from God and a life which is based around you and your surroundings. Does it sound absurd? Maybe, but this wonderful hell is not far from my own experiences of life.

These thoughts came to me while I was in junior high school, that is, before I decided to become Christian. A suitable title for those years would be: ”Full of Joy and Emptiness”. At first sight, my life did not seem to lack anything. I was doing fine in most areas of my life, and I felt good on the whole. I had great fun playing role-play, LAN, table tennis, and I had lots of good friends. School was not a problem, and I had a family that was (and still is) really great. Despite these happy times, my life felt empty and meaningless. Life was like a loop, where nothing seemed attractive. Nothing of the good I experienced ever lasted. Happiness was always short-lived. My friends and my family would eventually die, and what would my own achievements in life mean when I was gone? Nothing mattered, since everything would eventually come to an end. Everything that I experienced and everything around me would one day perish and fade away. A happy life was not enough for me...

I realize that I may sound insolent. Turning melancholic like this has to be a problem reserved for people in developed countries. Or is it? If you think so, I kind of understand you. I grew up in an environment that was almost too good to me.

Despite this, I would like to claim that there is no need that is larger, no famine that is worse, and no destinies that are more tragic than a life that is based on an inner emptiness. This affects us all, no matter if you are rich or poor. I would even like to claim that all our evil sides emanate from struggling with this emptiness. Our struggle turns into a pursuit for a substitute for God’s presence in our lives. The vanity in our world comes from this pursuit. The essence of meaninglessness can be found all around us. We see it in countries laid waste by war and in orphans who feel completely lost without their parents. We find it in the striving and chasing after ambition in school reports, awards, kicks, praise, and popularity contests. This is true for the hunter that never manages to catch his prey as well as he who has already reached his goal, not knowing where to go next. As he returns to the crime scene, he finds nothing but the same worn-out experiences to burrow himself in.

All these things can be terrible in their own ways, although some are worse than others. However, I would like to argue that the meaninglessneses which we are faced with in all of these come from the same emptiness. It is the resignation before our inadequacy to in ourselves be the source of life. We live in a world that has gone astray in its search for independence. It is a world where meaning itself has went out to lunch.

At the end of junior high school I found myself forced to make a choice, a choice that I had postponed for many years. I already knew a lot about Jesus and what he had done. I was not sure whether I believed it or not, but my experience told me that there had to be some kind of God. I decided that I would never again go my own path; I did not want to go down the path that I had chosen. That would just be an escape from my own vanity. At that moment, I decided to let Jesus be the Lord of my life, and I prayed that I would always live by His promises. The next day I got baptized, and for the first time in my life I got a foretaste of eternal happiness.

As I see it now, the biggest difference between God’s peace, which comes from God’s glory, and temporary happiness is that the joy we receive from God never ceases to grow. It is not possible to grow tired of the love of God. When exciting times are over, nothing remains. It is as if they never were. Such happiness is always temporary. We are left with nothing but memories, but even those gradually fade into nothingness. But the joy and peace that is given from God can neither disappear nor be erased by time.

It is said that the oldest angels look the youngest, and they who have longest experience of the joy of fellowship with God are they who enjoy each instance of it most.

Lastly, I want to quote a Bible verse that describes how I view the experiences in life. I can't see any value or meaning to something if it doesn't somehow relate to what the verse is talking about.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I believe these three things have eternal God-given value, i.e. not a subjective value as in valueble to me as an individual.

*
Gc.El_Mojjo
KING CHARLIE :D
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
United States447 Posts
August 09 2012 00:36 GMT
#2
You sound like a vacuum salesman.

Stop trying to make yourself feel better about your narcissistic insecurities. I'm sorry your days playing table tennis weren't as fulfilling in your early years of high school because you hadn't yet deluded yourself into believing that the universe was put here for you to play table tennis.

If God is so great, you shouldn't have to try to sell me on him so hard...

If someone says, "YOU HAVE TO GO TO WISCONSIN!."

and I say, "Ok, I will."

and then they say, "NO SERIOUSLY...YOU HAVE TO GO.."

Eventually I start to grow weary. No one ever does that with Hawaii.
NO TEAM WILL EVER BE AS GOOD AS TEAM LIQUID!
dragoon
Profile Joined December 2010
United States695 Posts
August 09 2012 00:51 GMT
#3
there's no one on earth who knows the true meaning of life. sure it can be fun to talk about it to friends, but there are too many variables in the language to put it out in a page long blog.

i love you
Juliette
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States6003 Posts
August 09 2012 01:25 GMT
#4
I like that you've found a way of happiness for yourself.

Personally, I've never seen it like that though. I've always just accepted the presence of God around me, and decided for myself that though I need his help to get through, I need to find it in myself to help myself.

I decided that I would never again go my own path; I did not want to go down the path that I had chosen. That would just be an escape from my own vanity. At that moment, I decided to let Jesus be the Lord of my life, and I prayed that I would always live by His promises.


This in particular. I've always felt that you're supposed to take your own path, and no matter what God will be there to help and give you advice. The thing is, he won't just show you magically where to go. You have to forge your path forward as God challenges you. I've learned through a lot of different sources and experiences that God isn't gonna teach you how to live directly, but rather through small things and little challenges and sometimes making life hell for you. You just gotta survive and keep the faith.

God helps those who help themselves, and though that's not in the bible directly it doesn't make it any less true for (my) life. How can I expect him to give me the answer to my problems when I'm not brave enough to find them on my own? How can I expect him to give my wishes and prayers attention when I'm one of billions that have prayers, and I'm shit at the bottom of the pile because I haven't actually taken his clues on how to solve it.

I trust that God will lead me straight and use a coin flip to decide what I can't.
OKAY FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
wwJd)El_Mojjo
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
Sweden173 Posts
August 09 2012 06:36 GMT
#5
On August 09 2012 09:36 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:
Stop trying to make yourself feel better about your narcissistic insecurities.


Hmm, I'm not sure I understand how you mean. I'm aware of the fact that I have some narcissistic features to my personality, but what is it that you are suggesting? Do you mean I should embrace it and live it out more without searching for justification...? I'm not sure I understand exactly what you interpret I am insecure about here (not saying I am not insecure about some things). I would be interested to hear more if you feel like elaborating a bit.


On August 09 2012 10:25 Juliette wrote:
I've always felt that you're supposed to take your own path, and no matter what God will be there to help and give you advice. The thing is, he won't just show you magically where to go. You have to forge your path forward as God challenges you.


This is interesting to me. Mind if I ask how that works? I mean, when you say you have to forge your path forward and I'm guessing you mean it is better to create something of your own rather than just going with the stream and letting external things shape your life? What do you do if you feel unable to create something you are satisfied with, do you look to other people, say parents and stuff like that. Or do you just accept the choices you have made and just "go with it" even though you might not be entirely happy about it? Or perhaps you never find yourself in that position at all? =O

As I said in the text you quoted, I wasn't happy about the path I was on before so I chose to trust God with it and kind of let Him "do it for me", by reading the Bible and praying to search for His will for my life instead of mine. I don't think I've regretted that decision but I can certainly see how my life would be different if I had done it another way. Do you consider these kind of dependecies a bad thing or do you have other similar factors in your life that you rely on? Perhaps you have created some kind of motto for your life that you choose to follow instead or something like that?
Gc.El_Mojjo
Juliette
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States6003 Posts
August 09 2012 06:49 GMT
#6
On August 09 2012 15:36 wwJd)El_Mojjo wrote:

Show nested quote +
On August 09 2012 10:25 Juliette wrote:
I've always felt that you're supposed to take your own path, and no matter what God will be there to help and give you advice. The thing is, he won't just show you magically where to go. You have to forge your path forward as God challenges you.


This is interesting to me. Mind if I ask how that works? I mean, when you say you have to forge your path forward and I'm guessing you mean it is better to create something of your own rather than just going with the stream and letting external things shape your life? What do you do if you feel unable to create something you are satisfied with, do you look to other people, say parents and stuff like that. Or do you just accept the choices you have made and just "go with it" even though you might not be entirely happy about it? Or perhaps you never find yourself in that position at all? =O

As I said in the text you quoted, I wasn't happy about the path I was on before so I chose to trust God with it and kind of let Him "do it for me", by reading the Bible and praying to search for His will for my life instead of mine. I don't think I've regretted that decision but I can certainly see how my life would be different if I had done it another way. Do you consider these kind of dependecies a bad thing or do you have other similar factors in your life that you rely on? Perhaps you have created some kind of motto for your life that you choose to follow instead or something like that?

That's close. I just don't feel content letting things be decided for me, I'd rather make the choice myself, even though, as you said, I'd be forced to "go with it" though I don't like it. Whatever happens, it does for a reason, and I trust that God's placed it there for me to see why. Its more that I don't feel like when I ask for strength for something, God should listen to me until I've given my best effort at getting that strength. If I pray for help passing a test, I shouldn't get any help if I haven't studied my best. However I do disagree with this part:

rather than just going with the stream and letting external things shape your life?

I do allow the stream of life to place me in situations, but at the same time, if life takes me somewhere I don't want to be, I'll leave.

As for the second part, don't get me wrong. I really, really love that you've found that for yourself. I don't see them as a bad thing at all, its just that I don't feel confident letting my faith guide me all the way when I'm gifted with the ability to think through life, and be healthy, and have a wonderful upbringing. Going beyond religion, I just feel like I'm in a position where I have to take things into my own hands and work toward success in life to make up for the blessings that I have, and so that they're not wasted.

Its just a different way of seeing things, I suppose. Of course I don't know anything about your background, but for me, I feel extremely blessed to be where I am and have the opportunities I do and while I need God's guidance for everything I do, I don't want to "waste his time," so to speak, when I'm capable of overcoming an obstacle he's put in front of me, because I know I can do it. And if I can't, that's when I'll really sit down and stop and wonder what he's left to help me.

I'm sorry if it sounds scattered, or makes me sound like I don't appreciate my religion, its just that I've never typed out thoughts like this before. ^^
OKAY FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
Intr3pid
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Switzerland336 Posts
August 09 2012 07:19 GMT
#7
What exactly is the message of your blog? That you did not know which path to take in life? That you then decided to give up the responsibility of choice by putting your God in charge? And that this made your emptiness go away?

I mean whatever makes you happy, but it seems like you've just chosen the easy path.
wwJd)El_Mojjo
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
Sweden173 Posts
August 09 2012 21:12 GMT
#8
On August 09 2012 15:49 Juliette wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 09 2012 15:36 wwJd)El_Mojjo wrote:

On August 09 2012 10:25 Juliette wrote:
I've always felt that you're supposed to take your own path, and no matter what God will be there to help and give you advice. The thing is, he won't just show you magically where to go. You have to forge your path forward as God challenges you.


This is interesting to me. Mind if I ask how that works? I mean, when you say you have to forge your path forward and I'm guessing you mean it is better to create something of your own rather than just going with the stream and letting external things shape your life? What do you do if you feel unable to create something you are satisfied with, do you look to other people, say parents and stuff like that. Or do you just accept the choices you have made and just "go with it" even though you might not be entirely happy about it? Or perhaps you never find yourself in that position at all? =O

As I said in the text you quoted, I wasn't happy about the path I was on before so I chose to trust God with it and kind of let Him "do it for me", by reading the Bible and praying to search for His will for my life instead of mine. I don't think I've regretted that decision but I can certainly see how my life would be different if I had done it another way. Do you consider these kind of dependecies a bad thing or do you have other similar factors in your life that you rely on? Perhaps you have created some kind of motto for your life that you choose to follow instead or something like that?

That's close. I just don't feel content letting things be decided for me, I'd rather make the choice myself, even though, as you said, I'd be forced to "go with it" though I don't like it. Whatever happens, it does for a reason, and I trust that God's placed it there for me to see why. Its more that I don't feel like when I ask for strength for something, God should listen to me until I've given my best effort at getting that strength. If I pray for help passing a test, I shouldn't get any help if I haven't studied my best. However I do disagree with this part:

Show nested quote +
rather than just going with the stream and letting external things shape your life?

I do allow the stream of life to place me in situations, but at the same time, if life takes me somewhere I don't want to be, I'll leave.

As for the second part, don't get me wrong. I really, really love that you've found that for yourself. I don't see them as a bad thing at all, its just that I don't feel confident letting my faith guide me all the way when I'm gifted with the ability to think through life, and be healthy, and have a wonderful upbringing. Going beyond religion, I just feel like I'm in a position where I have to take things into my own hands and work toward success in life to make up for the blessings that I have, and so that they're not wasted.

Its just a different way of seeing things, I suppose. Of course I don't know anything about your background, but for me, I feel extremely blessed to be where I am and have the opportunities I do and while I need God's guidance for everything I do, I don't want to "waste his time," so to speak, when I'm capable of overcoming an obstacle he's put in front of me, because I know I can do it. And if I can't, that's when I'll really sit down and stop and wonder what he's left to help me.

I'm sorry if it sounds scattered, or makes me sound like I don't appreciate my religion, its just that I've never typed out thoughts like this before. ^^


Ah ok, good post. ^^
I think I understand what you're trying to say then. We have different views I guess, but perhaps it is good that everyone is not the same in this world.

I agree a lot with what you say about being responsible for your own life though, such as studying for a test if you want to pass the exam. It's mostly when it comes to reasons and the purpose of my actions that I wish to depend on God completely, I still believe in "doing your best with what you've got".


On August 09 2012 16:19 Intr3pid wrote:
What exactly is the message of your blog? That you did not know which path to take in life? That you then decided to give up the responsibility of choice by putting your God in charge? And that this made your emptiness go away?

I mean whatever makes you happy, but it seems like you've just chosen the easy path.


It's more like I wasn't happy about the paths I had tried in life and that I want to be responsible before God and not just to myself.

And believe me, this is something that I devote a lot of energy and willpower towards. I consider it the opposite of easy, but it's what I live for. At times I tend to care more about my immediate desires and feelings rather than what I believe God wants for me. And that has always felt like the easy path in comparison, but it's not something I have ever been able to be content with. I can't say I always feel blessed just because I do what I believe God wants me to do, but it is the times when I get to know God a bit more and see Him a bit more clearly that I feel that it is all indeed very much worth any effort I can spare. These verses describe my experience about this very well:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Gc.El_Mojjo
Juliette
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States6003 Posts
August 10 2012 01:12 GMT
#9
Different views, but it doesn't invalidate yours. Keep at it friend ^^. I wish you the best.
OKAY FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
airtown
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States410 Posts
August 12 2012 06:27 GMT
#10
Note: I certainly don't hold a perception of the "meaning of life" that I consider to be ultimately grounded, but I think it's a topic worth discussing.

On August 09 2012 06:31 wwJd)El_Mojjo wrote:As I see it now, the biggest difference between God’s peace, which comes from God’s glory, and temporary happiness is that the joy we receive from God never ceases to grow. It is not possible to grow tired of the love of God. When exciting times are over, nothing remains. It is as if they never were. Such happiness is always temporary. We are left with nothing but memories, but even those gradually fade into nothingness. But the joy and peace that is given from God can neither disappear nor be erased by time.

You seem to be implying that if the memory of any particular experience eventually disappears, the happening of that experience objectively doesn't have value. For example, if I might have an awesome time playing a particular game of starcraft, but I will probably forget about it eventually (and certainly at death,) so it's not ultimately meaningful.

So my question is, when you spend time thinking about, say, how tens of millions of Native Americans suffered incredible pain from smallpox and measles after the Europeans came over, are you saddened by this and do you regret that it happened? Assuming so, can you objectively say that this sadness and regret is reasonable and justified, even though the suffering has long been "erased" by time?
http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/news/20010430/northwoods.pdf
PassionFruit
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
294 Posts
August 12 2012 07:10 GMT
#11
That "emptiness" is felt by everyone at some point in their lives. But it sounds like you jumped for the nearest life preserver. Try searching a bit longer.

I remember jumping through philosophers from Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics to Nietzsche's Zarathustra and religions like western Christianity and eastern Buddhism. That was a tough year of my life. I remember each time I looked to a new idea I was hoping that the answer would be inside. But in the end you realize they're all flawed. The answer you're looking for won't originate from a book or the "wisdom" of another person. Most people find some bandaid to patch the "empty" feeling be it nihilism, hedonism, christianity, buddhism, or just not thinking about it at all. That is until they have their mid-life crisis. But by that time your perspective on life isn't as malleable as it is during yoru youth. You'll figure it out eventually, but it'll only happen if you keep looking. Don't settle for Christianity.
wwJd)El_Mojjo
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
Sweden173 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-08-12 14:02:36
August 12 2012 13:46 GMT
#12
On August 12 2012 15:27 airtown wrote:
Note: I certainly don't hold a perception of the "meaning of life" that I consider to be ultimately grounded, but I think it's a topic worth discussing.

Show nested quote +
On August 09 2012 06:31 wwJd)El_Mojjo wrote:As I see it now, the biggest difference between God’s peace, which comes from God’s glory, and temporary happiness is that the joy we receive from God never ceases to grow. It is not possible to grow tired of the love of God. When exciting times are over, nothing remains. It is as if they never were. Such happiness is always temporary. We are left with nothing but memories, but even those gradually fade into nothingness. But the joy and peace that is given from God can neither disappear nor be erased by time.

You seem to be implying that if the memory of any particular experience eventually disappears, the happening of that experience objectively doesn't have value. For example, if I might have an awesome time playing a particular game of starcraft, but I will probably forget about it eventually (and certainly at death,) so it's not ultimately meaningful.

So my question is, when you spend time thinking about, say, how tens of millions of Native Americans suffered incredible pain from smallpox and measles after the Europeans came over, are you saddened by this and do you regret that it happened? Assuming so, can you objectively say that this sadness and regret is reasonable and justified, even though the suffering has long been "erased" by time?


Hmm, this is a really good question. I had to think for quite some time before writing a response. ^^
I can't say I know exactly what I believe concerning this in detail yet. But I think I consider God to be above all, meaning I'm not entirely sure I believe in ultimate objectivity (up until now I have actually considered some values ultimately objective), but I rather believe that God creates objectivity "for us". Perhaps that which is objective to us is in a way subjective to God because He is above all. So in a way I think I can relate the issue about memory to that of experiencing something as in this parable:

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes, but no one knows about it, so it might as well have not even happened. It would make no difference."

I believe God is omnipresent, meaning he is there to give all events occurring in the universe a certain value. So even if every human has forgotten every single detail about an event (which is not really true for the case you presented about smallpox, traces of those events and also can probably still be found and related to in society) I believe God can give it an objective value (for us) even though we have lost the subjective value attached to our individual memory and experience. And in this way I believe God will decide what will be meaningful for us in the long run. Exactly how this will come to be I can only guess... Will God make himself forget the events that He decides have no value. Is he able to forget something? I don't really have an answer to how this will work. But I believe in the promises of the Bible that He will create a new world where the suffering will be no more.

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”


I believe even the past sufferings will be gone at that point. The only thing that will remain from our current world will be that which can be related to the things I quoted in my blog post; faith, hope and love.


On August 12 2012 16:10 PassionFruit wrote:
Don't settle for Christianity.

After living almost half of my life as a Christian I am not really able to say I have "settled" for Christianity. That word simply does not justify my faith in Jesus. There is a difference between settling and going forward, I feel as if I am walking with Christ. I am definitely not in the same place I was ten years ago. I still believe in the same God, but as I said in my blog, the joy we receive from God never ceases to grow. I consider my life as a Christian a journey where I get to explore life, continously discovering more about God and the things I believe He has created for us. I'm not trying to say that everything is easy and that life always feels wonderful, rather that I believe the greatness of God to be infinite in our perception and that His gifts to us are everlasting and unending.
Gc.El_Mojjo
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