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I never really thought about this until recently. Here is my family situation.
My parents divorced when I was at the age of 15. I stayed with my mother and she did her very best as a single working parent (until recently). Surely she wasn't the best mother and I was not the best son in the world in the given circumstance but I am grateful for everything my family has done to support me.
Now i'm 19 almost 20, and studying engineering in university. In about 2 or 3 more years i will have my undergraduate degree and will probably join the work force. This is where my dad comes in.
You see my dad pretty much has disappeared until recently. We had some contacts in the previous years or so but it wasn't so much. He moved back to China and remarried.
From about 2 years ago we lost contact again since I was across the country studying in university. To be honest, I rather not use this word, but forgot about my father's existence. I understand how he still loves me, and he was a great part of the childhood, but yeah after all this time I forgot I had a dad.
Around two weeks ago I received an email from my dad. His new wife gave birth to a daughter and she is now 2 and half years old. Now this got me thinking....
I don't hate my dad, in fact I think he is still great dad to me. He sacrificed a lot to take care of me when I was younger and I will never forget that, but this is still very shocking. I was chatting with some of my friends and they raised an interesting question and this is where the title of the blog comes in. When I'm about 30 and working, my half sister would be around 14. How would I even explain to her that hi I'm 30 years old and we are related! I'm not even sure if my dad will let me say that to her actually. So the question is this just how large the age gap that sibling relationships like this is just not worth bothering?
Any similar stories?
EDIT: I plan to at least visit my dad's new family again in the near future. Probably after I graduate.
 
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I have an adopted sister that is 11 years younger than me.
I'll be a senior in high school next year, and she will be in kindergarten.
It's really not that weird for me, although we live together so it would be stranger for you due to the different locations.
I probably wouldn't think about it too much as long as you aren't going to see your dad/sister in the near future.
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I think I know what you are getting at here, but it's not your fault. It's not your fault (ref: Good Will Hunting).
Seriously, there is nothing you have to worry about or actually do. The best thing you can be is totally open and honest, you just cannot go wrong this way. It is totally normal and quite common for people to re-marry and then have children which are very different ages. Your relationship with your half sister will likely feel more like you are an uncle rather than a brother.
If you want to it sounds like you can initiate a lot more communication whilst being totally open and honest, this will be fine. However, if you don't want to then there is no pressure on you to be a part of your Dad's new family, since he left your family when you were a child the onus is on him to be proactive if he desires.
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I have a nephew thats older than me. Awkward when we met.
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I've seen a lot great disparity in sibling relationships, and also strange things like an aunt who's younger than niece and stuff, I don't think its a big issue, but the sooner you get introduced the more normal it would be.
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My story is reversed but I havent had contact with my mother for many years. Not sure when things went down hill, it was when I was too young to comprehend the situation. Though, I am aware that shes married again and had another child. So I assume I have a half-brother? D:
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The gap becomes less important with increasing age. If she's 20 she should have no troubles digesting it. If she's 10 she might get freaked out - at least I would. I would definately not feel comfortable talking to someone over 25 that is supposedly my half-sibling.
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delete. i fail at reading
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You should be like a young uncle to her or something. That would make sense.
Anyway, kids don't care much about age difference if they like you and you treat them well. At least from my experience.
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Ah, but I tink when ur sister is 14, she will mature enough to understand.
Maybe, awkward at the start but if u build great relationship with ur sister from the beginning, by the time u are 30 and she is 14, u will have great relationship with ur sister. 
It is a good thing, I always wanted to have a lil sis. I have, but it is just very best friend but not by blood.
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At least the age gap is large enough to ensure the two of you won't randomly meet, discover your similarities and fall in love without knowing you're related. No soap opera story for you!
Just be an uncle dude, give her the best presents and tell her funny stories. Also make sure she plays with LEGO's even if it takes de-brainwashing her.
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10 years difference is pretty standard. 16 is on the high end, but it's still not unreasonable. I think the more important thing is if she sees you for the first time when she's 14, that would be a lot harder to digest and accept than if she had been around you from a young age.
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I have a niece and nephew that are more than ten years older than me, it's weird, but I'm not sure how you to answer your question really.
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how are you studying at a university on the other side of the country with a single working mom's income?
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On May 29 2011 22:05 Terranist wrote:
how are you studying at a university on the other side of the country with a single working mom's income?
OSAP (government grants/loans) plus a student bank loan.
I have many friends support themselves this way, as long as you work part-time 1-2 terms per year and are careful with your expenses.
CANADA FTW
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Sounds... Complicated.
I don't understand how people can do things like that aye. My dad used to cheat on my mum, and it's just so incomprehensible that someone you thought you knew so well and loved the family so much would do such a thing.
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How is that different to if your parent had of stayed together and then decided to have another child when you were older? I don't think age should matter, treat them as their age and the amount of time you spend with them.
If you don't see them often simply treat them as a younger extended family member, or if you do see them a fair bit treat them as you would a close niece or younger sister, i don't think you should be spending time worrying about whether or not its weird that they are 'technically' your half sister or whatever the case may be. It's only ever going to be as awkward as you make it.
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Doctors predicted my fathers death for the first time four years ago. Miraculusouly he is still here today but these last years have been spent as the remaining family time.
I don't think it's really ever too late for family. Or atleast to reach out. We all have family members where no amount of time could fix something. I have an older brother but always wanted a little sister. You guys are lifetimes apart but Iunno, you could be hung up on this for the rest of your life if you spend it waiting for that contact.
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My sister is 9 years older than me. It may not be 14 but Ive never felt that the 9 years are strange at all. In fact my mom was 33 when she had me and a lot of my friends still have older moms than I do.
Now Im 22 and my sister just had her second kid. I think its great to have someone that always have been a little older than me that could help me when I grew up. She would always help me with my homework when I asked etc and we never had those sibling squabbles due to our age difference. (Exept when I read her diary...)
In many ways I feel shes been as much of a mentor as a sister to me. Thank you sis!
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I read all that only to find the core is wondering if your sister is too young to know she has a brother? >.<'
My experience with my brother tells me that a huge age gap is acceptable. Ours wasn't as large as yours is, but nine years is still fairly far apart. The reality is, the longer you wait the worse the psychological effects of telling her will likely be. Tell her as soon as you can talk to her. The role you'll play will be a bit different as you won't be close enough in age to enjoy a lot of the same things. Just be sure to do your best to provide advice to her as she grows if you can. You are a tremendous source of experience for her to draw upon, and you should embrace this role with all the love and care it deserves.
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Well I have cousins that are 16 and 18 years younger than me (I am 22) and they consider me as their "big brother" or something like that. Not exactly as old as daddy but just as big and dependable, and wayyy more fun for sure! If the tension (or lack of connection) problem with your father works out, I'm positive that you can have a positive relationship with your sister.
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I'm 21 right now, My Mom had me when she was 19 and My dad was like 22/23. they then went their separate ways me staying with my Mom. I now have 2 sisters and 2 brothers 17/16/11/7 are their ages. Sometimes it feel awkward since my dad had the younger two with my step mother. But I think that was more circumstance than age. I moved to live with my dad when I turned 15 and he really was never home and my step mom spent most of her time at work so I took the pseudo father role sometimes. Stuff like this happens all the time and you just gotta do your best with it.
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I am 24 and my half sister is 38 so there is a 14 year age gap between us. I think alot of things have to do more with the individual people and circumstances as to what kind of relationship you would have. I have never lived with my 1/2 sister, when i was little she would come and stay with us sometimes but i dont really remember that tbh. I've grown up only seeing her a few times a year. I've never seen her as my "1/2" sister. She's just my sister and no different from my "full" sister. Of course i have different relationships with both of them but its nothing to do with 1/2 sister or not. I found that when i was young i saw her as my sister but getting older we have a better relationship where she is also my friend. When i reached late teens and now im in my mid twenties we have more in common but thats to be expected.
In summary, from my experience i dont think the age gap really matters, you just treat it as it is. Even if you were in a family and you had 4 "full" siblings all of similar ages you would still have different relationships with each of them.
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Dude, I'm 39, turning 40 in a few weeks and my half brothers are 6 and 11. I've been around in their lives from the beginning and wouldn't trade it for anything -- they're so much like my dad and me that it's ridiculous, but in different ways, and while I only get to see them a couple times a year, it's a high point for all of us.
You and your dad clearly have an OK relationship, and if you and his new wife can get along well enough for you to be able to spend some time with them now and then, jump on the chance. Family are family and this is your chance to connect with your half-sister.
I'll tell you something else: it may seem weird to you, but for her having you around is going to be the only thing she's ever known. A few years down the line that weird feeling will be less of an issue, believe me.
Edit: Off topic, but I got the 11 year old a copy of Starcraft 2 last July and he's actually getting pretty good at it, for his age. We don't play vs. each other because he's kind of shy about his skill level but I did talk him into some team games which were a blast. I could see him turning into the next IdrA once the hormones kick in and he starts raging.  lmao
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I think my father left when I was no older than 2 and he's lived int he same city as me and raised a family with multiple children, they have the same last name as me ( I didn't change my last name when my mother remarried ) , however my biological father kept no contact with me. I don't think it's wierd at all to be honest, and I've never met the guy.
And while this is different than your situation, I think what you should consider is that, at the end of the day, you and your sister are still "family" and that should be all that matters. It's more about the relationship the two of you have rather than the genetic connection.
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Oh, one other thing. You're going to wait 2 or 3 years to go visit? Unless you really have problems with your dad that you have to work out first, I would recommend going to see them as soon as you possibly can. I know travel to China takes time to plan and costs a lot of money, but it will help your relationship with your sister in the long run, I think, to make an effort to be around earlier.
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EPT
