EPTwell the other advice in this thread is good already
good luck
I Caught my Sister Smoking - Page 4
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alffla
Hong Kong20321 Posts
well the other advice in this thread is good already good luck | ||
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Flaunt
New Zealand784 Posts
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Ironsights
United States196 Posts
On March 28 2011 07:37 mahnini wrote: i would smack her upside the head Pretty much this. A couple years back I caught my (then 14 year old) sister smoking in the back yard. I quite literally smacked the cigarette out of her mouth and asked her if she was + Show Spoiler + fucking But thats me and I am a jerk. The correct responce would probably be just to talk to her about it. See why, provide your opinion and possible solutions (such as if she is smoking for attention, give her better ideas) and just generally be there. Everyone has the right to choose, adn you cannot change that. Trying to influence the choice now, that is what family is for. | ||
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Mora
Canada5235 Posts
Ultimately, at the end of the day (or 2 years or whenever it is that she supports herself financially) she can do whatever she wants with her body. What you have an actual impact on and say in is your relationship with her. Personally, I don't keep friends around (or family) who betray my trust, life is just too short. Telling her you are concerned is one thing, going and getting your parents involved endangers her relationship with them, and certainly your relationship with her. Does that matter? You need to decide. If you try everything you can (including hurting those relationships) and she still decides to smoke, what's been gained? This comes from a lot of personal experience. Cancer runs rampant in my family, and my mom is a heavy smoker who is probably doomed to the same fate. Alcoholism and its repercussions runs rampant in my family, and my dad is an alcoholic with heart problems. My sister is a cocaine addict, who has fallen to such lows as living on the street and lying/cheating /stealing for money. I've tried numerous different ways of trying to encourage (sometimes even force) good behaviour, but the truth is there is nothing I can do. At that point I need to consider two things: a) how much their relationship matters to me and what actions I can do to make sure that that relationship stays healthy and positive b) how much their bad decisions negative effect my well being (regarding worry, sadness, etc.) People are going to make bad decisions, many of them long term. Does that make them worth writing off? Some people in my life, my unfortunate answer has been yes; other's have easily been a no. Not trying to trivialize your situation, but your 16 year old sister smoking a few cigarettes (probably because it's the 'cool thing to do') is pretty light in the big scope of things. Life may hold much more difficult scenarios ahead, so use this as a learning experience in determining what matters to you: is your relationships with other human beings, or your policing of their lives, more important to you? | ||
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actionbastrd
Congo598 Posts
She still smokes but quite for awhile lol. Basically, its a life choice, explain you think its dumb and if she still wishes to do it, that's her "problem" as her smoking doesn't really affect anyone but herself assuming she is polite and doesn't smoke around people who dont want her to. When my parents found out they were furious, still dont like her smoking but got over it fast on account she never smelt or was seen smoking around the house n such. It being illegal isnt really a big deal imo, most people start those habbits young. Almost all my friends did. And again she might just be in a phase, she could very well just grow out of it. Just talk to her about it, and let her make a choice. A choice about her, dont get all omg you smoke i hate you, because thats just silly. | ||
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lvatural
United States347 Posts
Who cares if she'll get a bit pissed at you. I "tell" on my younger brother all the time when I can't reason him to not do some of his stupid plans. I don't have the authority like my parents to shield him from endangering himself. Plus, it's not like she came to you in confidence or anything (seeing as OP had to infer the habit via circumstantial evidence). Also smoking is a pretty taxing habit (on health and funds), it's better to nip it in the bud at an early age and hope she'll be more sensible in the future when the "choice" is hers. As for the point about her doing it anyway despite home repercussions, it really doesn't matter that she could just do it anyway. That's not a compelling justification for inaction on your part. Well that's what I'd basically do. Edit: But then again, most of my discussions with my brother generally tend to work. I've never really had to deal with a younger sibling who disregards all forms of reason and concern of his/her older brother. Then again, all sibling relationships are different so you've got to probably figure this one out depending on the circumstances of your particular relationship with your sister. So take my advice with a grain of salt really from a guy whose an older brother in a different family environment. | ||
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Dagobert
Netherlands1858 Posts
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OMin
United States545 Posts
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actionbastrd
Congo598 Posts
On March 28 2011 13:03 lvatural wrote: Have a little discussion to see if you can get her to stop. If not, tell your parents. They have a greater right to know about this than you. Would you want to know your 16-year old kid was smoking? Also , arguments about "choice" doesn't work when you've got a 16-year old kid who is more concerned about self-image than self-preservation in her mind. And can you imagine if the parents go as far as searching her and her room constantly? that could ruin a family if the kid flips out about it. Who cares if she'll get a bit pissed at you. I "tell" on my younger brother all the time when I can't reason him to not do some of his stupid plans. I don't have the authority like my parents to shield him from endangering himself. Plus, it's not like she came to you in confidence or anything (seeing as OP had to infer the habit via circumstantial evidence). Also smoking is a pretty taxing habit (on health and funds), it's better to nip it in the bud at an early age and hope she'll be more sensible in the future when the "choice" is hers. As for the point about her doing it anyway despite home repercussions, it really doesn't matter that she could just do it anyway. That's not a compelling justification for inaction on your part. Well that's what I'd basically do. Edit: But then again, most of my discussions with my brother generally tend to work. I've never really had to deal with a younger sibling who disregards all forms of reason and concern of his/her older brother. Then again, all sibling relationships are different so you've got to probably figure this one out depending on the circumstances of your particular relationship with your sister. So take my advice with a grain of salt really from a guy whose an older brother in a different family environment. Do you really think she will stop because her parents ground her or punish her or do some other thing parents do that never work? If she wants to smoke, the parents knowing, and TRYING to stop her isnt going to do anything but cause drama. Its silly to think the parents can stop it. When in your childhood did your parents catch you doing something that you want to do often, and actually have it stop you long term? Hell when i was young i would get grounded from video games for w/e reason. Grades, sneaking out (and then i just would sneak out anyway... cuz i got caught like once every 50 times.). Usually banned from my computer. Guess what? when they weren't home, or asleep i would just pull out another power cord, cuz they are all the same and plug the bad boy in. Parents arent what will make a 16year old stop smoking, but he, being the older brother is probably the best bet. If that doesn't work with a good talking then she will smoke. Life goes on, just a little shorter. And who is to say she is doing it for self-image? i hated in school they made you practice how to say no to drugs and that its "not cool". Telling me i will be pressured in all hell to be a cool kid and do drugs/ciggs or no one will like me, then practice how to say no and still be a friend. It was stupid because when reality came and i got offered drugs, saying no ended with, ok thats cool. Moving on. i just think telling parents is unnecessary drama. If they catch on and ask go ahead and tell them, if not let her be her, and talk to her about how its a bad move, give her a educated choice. Its not like non-smoking propaganda isnt shoved down their throats in school. Most people under 18 know the risks, seen the photos and still do it. If that's their choice more power to them. | ||
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Loanshark
China3094 Posts
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MaestroSC
United States2073 Posts
On March 28 2011 07:33 etheovermind wrote: Talk to her about it. Try to convince her to stop. If that doesn't work, talk about it with your mom and try to get her to act against your sisters bad habit. When your sister is 40 years old and has lung cancer, she will honestly wish you had intervened. when you are 16 you are too stupid to think beyond next week. One day she will thank you. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
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Antimage
Canada1293 Posts
When my parents found out I smoked, I "quit" for a week b/c I was scared to get caught, then just got much better at hiding it and kept at it. (I quit eventually b/c I found my own *intrinsic* motivation to do so) Usually once she gets a health scare or if she finds it's socially unattractive then she'll stop. Smoking for a few years isn't THAT bad, it can cause minor health complications (and if she's VERY unlucky, lung cancer). I suggest approaching her, and tell her you'd like her to stop, but don't try to convince her because it won't work because she'll only stop once the problem goes away (99% of the time someone will start smoking not b/c it's cool but b/c there's a problem in their life that's causing them stress/etc.) | ||
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Zlasher
United States9129 Posts
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Marradron
Netherlands1586 Posts
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Stratoss
Czech Republic129 Posts
Personally, I've made a few stupid decisions in the past and my brother was there for me to convince me to do otherwise. If back then he would tell my parents I'd hate him for a month or two, but in the long run I'd be thankful just as I am now, thanks to where it got me. That's what older brothers are there for. You are one, so act like one and be there for her, even if it means doing something she wouldn't agree with. That's just my opinion obviously. | ||
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IamBach
United States1059 Posts
On March 29 2011 05:26 Stratoss wrote: First you should confront her alone. Then if you fail at convincing her to quit, you should talk to your parents. She will feel betrayed, but she might as well thank you for saving a few years of her life in the future. And even if she doesn't, you know you did the right thing. Even if she doesn't speak to you for the rest of her life (highly unlikely), you can rejoyce at the fact that you did all you could to save someone you love. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if you should watch her die with a lung cancer in the future just because you were too "good" of a brother to let her do whatever she likes. Personally, I've made a few stupid decisions in the past and my brother was there for me to convince me to do otherwise. If back then he would tell my parents I'd hate him for a month or two, but in the long run I'd be thankful just as I am now, thanks to where it got me. That's what older brothers are there for. You are one, so act like one and be there for her, even if it means doing something she wouldn't agree with. That's just my opinion obviously. You have a very good opinion and I completely agree. I hope the OP posts what he ultimately decided to do. | ||
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Baby_Seal
United States360 Posts
Anyway, do try to intervene in some way. Bringing it up with your parents...depends on how your parents would react. If they would yell and scream at her instead of genuinely trying to help, then doing so will likely make things worse. If they'd be willing to be mature about it, then definitely talk to them, but let your sister know that you're going to. | ||
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Attican
Denmark531 Posts
Edit: Nevermind, google is my friend. | ||
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Weedk
United States507 Posts
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