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I havent confronted her or my family yet, and I'm kind of caught on what I should do.
I'm 18, she's 16, we're both pretty close, and it's illegal for her to be smoking (tobacco) here in the states.
I have no idea what would make her think that its ok, I mean, our father has been killing himself with cigarettes since he was 13 years old. Everyone in the family, including her, expresses their disgust with his habit. Which just makes me even more confused.
I basically found out she was smoking because a few weeks ago she asked me if i could buy a lighter for her, since she's underage, which i told her no. Over the next few days my mom kept finding cigarette butts in the sink, but our father was out on business, so it couldnt be him. Then earlier today I was in the mudroom and found a pack of cigarettes inside her jacket pocket when I was looking for some gum.
So like, as you can tell, im really confused atm. Should I do anything to intervene? Should I tell my parents, should I talk to her about it, or should I just ignore the whole thing altogether?
I know all the risks and I know she knows all the risks which is why I think i should do something before it becomes a habit.
Any suggestions TL?
EDIT: for clarification
I know it probably sounds like I'm overreacting... but if you think about it this way you might undestand my concern.
Our father is a pack a day + smoker for most of his life. He cant excercise, he wakes up to caughing fits and has trouble breathing. Doctors say even if he quit smoking tomorrow the damage he's done is enough to reduce his life expectancy by years. Because of his smoking, me and my brother both developed severe asthma and have to take inhalers etc. every day.
I just cant help but be concerned when I see her starting to pick up smoking because I know what it leads to and how it affects the people around you by first hand experience.
 
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Don't tell your parents. If my sister did that to me, I would be so angry with her, and I honestly wouldn't talk to her for so long.
If you value your relationship with her, talk to her about it. Ask her why, and if she gives you a reason, just let it be. You can't make choices for her, and you can't force her to stop. It's her health and her body, so let her figure it out.
And don't rag on her to stop, either. It's only going to irritate her and make her dislike you. ;o
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On March 28 2011 07:29 Raeleigh wrote:
Don't tell your parents. If my sister did that to me, I would be so angry with her, and I honestly wouldn't talk to her for so long.
If you value your relationship with her, talk to her about it. Ask her why, and if she gives you a reason, just let it be. You can't make choices for her, and you can't force her to stop. It's her health and her body, so let her figure it out.
And don't rag on her to stop, either. It's only going to irritate her and make her dislike you. ;o
This.
I was literally going to say the same thing.
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May as well talk to her about it. Pretty sure its normal for most people to try smoking, underage or otherwise. I get the impression she's smoked more than 1 cigarette, but still.
In the end, she is harming nobody other than herself. Smoking underage isn't illegal enough to get thrown in jail or anything, especially when she's probably doing most of it (if not all) at home. If you're concerned, tell her, but some people have to make up their own mind on how to live life.
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Went pretty much the same way for me and my sister (ages ago, she stopped smoking when she graduated), though she's older than me and smoking is legal >16 here.
Her reason? I would suggest it's her circle of "friends". By the way, knowing the risks is going to do fuck all. What does help - and pretty much the only thing I know of that helps (short of intrinsic motivation on your sister's part) - is higher tobacco prices.
All you can do is tell her you're concerned, honestly concerned about her. She will probably tell you to leave her alone and that it's her life, her decision, whatever (if smoking is one of the few things she can do to escape others' control then this might become quite a persistent habit), but yea. You can't force her to do anything, just show some love.
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Talk to her about it. Try to convince her to stop. If that doesn't work, talk about it with your mom and try to get her to act against your sisters bad habit. When your sister is 40 years old and has lung cancer, she will honestly wish you had intervened.
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On March 28 2011 07:33 etheovermind wrote:
Talk to her about it. Try to convince her to stop. If that doesn't work, talk about it with your mom and try to get her to act against your sisters bad habit. When your sister is 40 years old and has lung cancer, she will honestly wish you had intervened.
This.
First personally, then parents. This is a thing that concerns the whole family.
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United States24755 Posts
Going right to mom/dad is probably not the best idea. If she insists on continuing doing it even if you discuss it with her then I think doing nothing is the wrong thing as well... until she's 18 at least. In the long term you shouldn't let her keep it a secret from your parents... but give her a chance first.
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Since you two are close I would suggest to only talk to her about it. Ask hey why and how she got in to it. If she says "I don't know" it's probably peer preasure and/or she's trying to be "cool" in which case you should tell your parents imo. She is under age after all 
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On March 28 2011 07:29 Raeleigh wrote:
And don't rag on her to stop, either. It's only going to irritate her and make her dislike you. ;o
Well her smoking is obviously irritating the OP, what gives her the right to do that?
Don't just convince yourself that you're okay with it. If you feel so strongly about it, convince her to stop or let her know that your (and your mother's?) relationship with her will suffer from her continuing to smoke.
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i would smack her upside the head
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If you do decide to tell your parents, I would suggest you tell her that you're going to tell them, and tell her why. Otherwise it might come off as if you were just doing it to show her that she isn't in control of things. Which would probably lead to her becoming more secretive about it. And quite frankly, if she learns to be really secretive about things, the next drug she uses might not be found in her pocket.
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If you value your relationship with your siblings, I see no reason to tell your parents. At all.
Me and my sister are super close, and I tell her a LOT of things I wouldn't tell my family, or my best friends. Because she accepts me still, and doesn't bring it up.
My sister is 7 years younger than me. If I found out that she had started smoking, or drinking underage, I would be absolutely devastated, but I would not force her to stop, or tell my parents, unless it was getting out of hand. I would make sure she was okay at the very least, and suggest other things for her to do instead of smoking, or drinking.
Convince her to stop, ask her to stop, tell her you're doing it because you care, but don't buy her the smokes, and don't tell your parents. Shes' not going to trust you if you do. She may thank you in the long run if this does become a bad habit, but trust will still be broken.
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1) She's an adult she has to make this decision for herself ultimately.
2) It's legal in the UK and in most of Europe to smoke at 16. It's just that the U.S. happens to be a bit more conservative. It's not like shes on drugs or doing something actually wrong.
3) Don't tell your parent's.
If you want to try and intervene speak to her but treat her as an adult, don't try and force your opinion down her throat. Ultimately no matter how stupid it is to smoke she needs to make the autonomous decision by herself and she's going to anyway whether you like it or not.
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She wants attention.. why else would she ask you to buy her a lighter when she could probably get it from a friend without revealing her new habit? You make it sound like shes relatively careless about hiding smoking.... when my bro did it for a while he took insane measures to make it unknown.
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On March 28 2011 07:35 SkytoM wrote:Show nested quote +On March 28 2011 07:33 etheovermind wrote:
Talk to her about it. Try to convince her to stop. If that doesn't work, talk about it with your mom and try to get her to act against your sisters bad habit. When your sister is 40 years old and has lung cancer, she will honestly wish you had intervened. This. First personally, then parents. This is a thing that concerns the whole family.
If OP tells his parents, that would make him a snitch. Would suck to have a sibling as a snitch
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Definitely ask her why she started if she thinks its disgusting. If your mom is finding cigarettes and knows it isn't your dad then she probably already knows about it especially with the smell that comes with it.
On a side note I just learned what a mudroom is lol.
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United States24755 Posts
On March 28 2011 07:40 Raeleigh wrote:
If you value your relationship with your siblings, I see no reason to tell your parents. At all.
Me and my sister are super close, and I tell her a LOT of things I wouldn't tell my family, or my best friends. Because she accepts me still, and doesn't bring it up.
My sister is 7 years younger than me. If I found out that she had started smoking, or drinking underage, I would be absolutely devastated, but I would not force her to stop, or tell my parents, unless it was getting out of hand. I would make sure she was okay at the very least, and suggest other things for her to do instead of smoking, or drinking.
Convince her to stop, ask her to stop, tell her you're doing it because you care, but don't buy her the smokes, and don't tell your parents. Shes' not going to trust you if you do. She may thank you in the long run if this does become a bad habit, but trust will still be broken.
Keep in mind his sister didn't confide in him. It would be different if she told him. He discovered it (not that she seems to be trying that hard to hide it) himself.
Also he could 'accidentally' make sure his mom found out :p
On March 28 2011 07:45 apm66 wrote:Show nested quote +On March 28 2011 07:35 SkytoM wrote:On March 28 2011 07:33 etheovermind wrote:
Talk to her about it. Try to convince her to stop. If that doesn't work, talk about it with your mom and try to get her to act against your sisters bad habit. When your sister is 40 years old and has lung cancer, she will honestly wish you had intervened. This. First personally, then parents. This is a thing that concerns the whole family. If OP tells his parents, that would make him a snitch. Would suck to have a sibling as a snitch
Refusing to 'snitch' has lead to many tragic deaths and chronic illnesses in the US in the past. Snitching isn't something to be taken lightly but isn't something that should be off the table in matters of health and well-being either.
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Don't tell your parents, seriously. You would ruin your seemingly very good relationship forever. She's old enough to make her own decisions, I assume she knows smoking isn't too healthy.
There has to be one thing or two that you yourself wouldn't want to be told to your parents, imagine your sis would tell them
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On March 28 2011 07:46 micronesia wrote:Show nested quote +On March 28 2011 07:40 Raeleigh wrote:
If you value your relationship with your siblings, I see no reason to tell your parents. At all.
Me and my sister are super close, and I tell her a LOT of things I wouldn't tell my family, or my best friends. Because she accepts me still, and doesn't bring it up.
My sister is 7 years younger than me. If I found out that she had started smoking, or drinking underage, I would be absolutely devastated, but I would not force her to stop, or tell my parents, unless it was getting out of hand. I would make sure she was okay at the very least, and suggest other things for her to do instead of smoking, or drinking.
Convince her to stop, ask her to stop, tell her you're doing it because you care, but don't buy her the smokes, and don't tell your parents. Shes' not going to trust you if you do. She may thank you in the long run if this does become a bad habit, but trust will still be broken. Keep in mind his sister didn't confide in him. It would be different if she told him. He discovered it (not that she seems to be trying that hard to hide it) himself. Also he could 'accidentally' make sure his mom found out :p
Haha, this is true. I'd still feel guilty if my mom 'accidentally' found out if my sister was doing something. :p
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EPT
