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Ok, so I met a girl. SO pretty, funny, all shy around me which is sweet...doesn't like SC though, but whatever. She's a little bit young maybe but hey. Anyway we dance around it for a couple of days then I tell her I'm very interested, she reciprocates.
Awesome!
Awesome?
Not awesome.
I get home and get a text; 'It's complicated, so that you know.' And I'm like FUCK I know what that means. 'I have a boyfriend.'
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I don't get mad though, I calmly ask her what the hell she is playing at then if she's not single. Turns out she's been with him for 3 years, he's a LOT older than her (she is sixteen going on seventeen and he is twenty two, does that mean she was 13 and he was 19 when they got together? I didn't ask - too weird) and wants to start settling down, she's no longer into it and has been thinking about ending it for a while.
Not as bad as I thought, I tell myself. I can handle this.
So I tell her I'm not going anywhere and it's fine, but she has to make a decision soon. The past week we've been getting more and more into eachother, kissed her, talk to her all damn day. And today she texts me and says that she just told her boyfriend that she wanted to take a break.
Obviously I'm a little bit like 'A break? The fuck. Dump that bastard.' I try to sympathise with the guy but I don't even know his name, all he is to me is an abstract obstacle to getting with this girl I really like.
But apparently he is taking it REALLY hard. And she's upset because a) she's been with him for 3 years, it's hard, and b) because she thinks he might do something stupid.
What I want to say is that if he does he's a selfish, stupid prick. But obviously I can't. I don't know the man, I'd know what to say to him but obviously it would be an almost hilariously bad idea if I tried to talk him down.
I don't actually really know how to deal with this. I just want to help her, but I don't know how, and it's worrying me. I'm half writing this just to get it out, but also if anyone has any advice it'd be great.
I don't know if I'm doing this blog thing right. Hopefully I am.
  
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Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
*lazy shrug* I don't think it was an easy decision, she'd been thinking about it long before I came along or she'd never have started anything with me.
Besides, everything has to end, I am under no illusion that I'm gonna marry this chick. Could happen but in terms of sheer statistics probably not.
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TossFloss
Canada606 Posts
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
This, so so much. It's not easy but if you want to save yourself from possible future pain, think this through thoroughly.
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Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
I agree. She's already kissing you whilst having a 3-year relationship that isn't over. Let's say you're 3 years in and you are him, I guarantee your at the gun store with your permit.
Also, these things don't just end overnight. You're asking her to get rid of 3 years of memories and emotions instantaneously for you, whom she has no memories with and nothing besides a budding interest in undiscovered potentials. Also, if they've been in the bone-zone this whole time, girls don't deal with breaking those relationships well, especially if she was young when it all started. There could even be trauma related to it all which makes it so, "complicated".
More than 3 billion fish out there dawg.
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment.
That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
The first warning sign of dating a much older guy should have alerted you, OP. Get out of there now while you still can.
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Have some standards, not worth it bro.
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I agree - delete her number, stop replying messages. She's a looney... If you just want to do her, then do it, then delete the number.
Easy =).
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In all honesty, you can't call him a selfish prick because he'll do something stupid because the girl HE'S in love with is saying, "let's take a break."
It would be hard on her. Being with anyone for a long time, even if you break up and dislike each other, is gonna be hard to not have anymore.
Take a step back and chill. Comfort her when you can, and understand that she was with him first. :/
If I was doing this to a guy(But I wouldn't :/ You're setting yourself up for heart break) like she is to you, I definitely would not want to find out he posted a blog like this. It would piss me off so much.
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So she's cheating on her boyfriend of three years with you, and you want to get together with her so she can end up doing the same thing to you? Take the advice from others above, as I will say the same: the girl sounds like trouble.
She also sounds immature if she can't break up with her bf because he "might do something to himself." Her bf sounds like a real piece of work...dating a 13 yr old when he was 19...lol...
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On January 12 2011 03:57 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? This, so so much. It's not easy but if you want to save yourself from possible future pain, think this through thoroughly.
Give up something now to save myself pain in the future? No. Absolutely fucking not, ever.
'I'm not so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it.'
-Zoe, Firefly
^_^
On January 12 2011 03:58 enzym wrote:
Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be.
So...never get involved with any girl ever? 0_0 I don't like the sound of that.
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On January 12 2011 04:02 Dayvan wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment. That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway.
She probably wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if rational decisions were a priority for her.
@The KY
I'm not you. I only know that I'd need an additional, really good reason in order to enter a relationship. I don't like the animal part of humans. It makes things too complicated, because it always interferes with more rational approaches to things and causes a lot of problems. There can be rational reasons for entering a relationship though (like if you are into that pleasure gives my life meaning thing or if it comes with other benefits).
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To add to my previous statement, you wanted advice? "ASK IF SHE IS SINGLE NEXT TIME YOU HIT ON SOMEONE"
It's a very common trap for both men and women to invest into a person only to know later that she or he already has someone that they "might" not want to be with anymore. IF you knew she already had one and was a total flak before you started invest time in her would you still think it was worth it? Definably not.
Next time you see a girl you like, just go up to her, get to know her for like 2 sessions and then ask her if she is single or not. If she is then go for it, If she isn't then drop it. End of story, Don't buy into all the drama crap.
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On January 12 2011 04:06 enzym wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:02 Dayvan wrote:On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment. That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway. She probably wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if rational decisions were a priority for her.
Haha, while this is an excellent point, I still have to say that people do change and, not knowing the girl in question whatsoever, I would still stand by the possibility that she is now a more rational being than the one she was when started going out with this dude. Maybe she was just too young to understand the meaning of the age difference when she started going out with the dude and maybe now she understands why it'd be hard to make that relationship last. Throw in some additional relationship issues with her current guy and the decision to break up with him seems as rational as a round Earth.
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I guess the real decision to make here is "Do I really have the time to fuck around with some random girl's relationship issues?"
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On January 12 2011 04:04 avilo wrote:
So she's cheating on her boyfriend of three years with you, and you want to get together with her so she can end up doing the same thing to you? Take the advice from others above, as I will say the same: the girl sounds like trouble.
She also sounds immature if she can't break up with her bf because he "might do something to himself." Her bf sounds like a real piece of work...dating a 13 yr old when he was 19...lol...
Well...I wouldn't call it cheating, it was one kiss and she pulled out and apologised. But I have thought of that. But if she ends up doing the same to me down the line...fuck it, man, I can deal with that.
And it's not that she can't break up with him, she already kind of did. If she wasn't going to do it because she was worried what he'd do I'd know EXACTLY what to say, i.e. stop being such a fucking coward, you can't stay with him for his sake at your own expense.
On January 12 2011 04:04 Raeleigh wrote:
In all honesty, you can't call him a selfish prick because he'll do something stupid because the girl HE'S in love with is saying, "let's take a break."
It would be hard on her. Being with anyone for a long time, even if you break up and dislike each other, is gonna be hard to not have anymore.
Take a step back and chill. Comfort her when you can, and understand that she was with him first. :/
If I was doing this to a guy(But I wouldn't :/ You're setting yourself up for heart break) like she is to you, I definitely would not want to find out he posted a blog like this. It would piss me off so much.
I'm pretty secure in the knowledge she doesn't lurk on TL, and I'll keep my account private ;P.
Yeah I guess I should just try and chill, but she keeps calling and texting me to talk to me about it and I'm not sure what to tell her apart from it's the right decision imo and it's almost inevitable.
On January 12 2011 04:03 Qzy wrote:
If you just want to do her, then do it, then delete the number.
Easy =).
Not that kind of guy, man -_-
Also I can't cut off all communication because *takes a breath* I work with her. I know from experience that's a pretty bad idea.
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She's a 16 year old girl, stuff like common sense and rationality is not taking up a huge part of her time at the moment.
Just roll with the situation and see where it gets you. If she dumps the previous boyfriend, good for you. If she stays with him or if things become unclear, well, there are other fishes to fry.
EDIT:
On January 12 2011 04:16 The KY wrote:
Also I can't cut off all communication because *takes a breath* I work with her. I know from experience that's a pretty bad idea.
Stay the fuck away, nothing good can come out of this situation. Entering relationships that are complicated from the start is in the shade zone, doing so with someone you work with is a no-no.
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On January 12 2011 04:07 Integra wrote:
To add to my previous statement, you wanted advice? "ASK IF SHE IS SINGLE NEXT TIME YOU HIT ON SOMEONE"
It's a very common trap for both men and women to invest into a person only to know later that she or he already has someone that they "might" not want to be with anymore. IF you knew she already had one and was a total flak before you started invest time in her would you still think it was worth it? Definably not.
Next time you see a girl you like, just go up to her, get to know her for like 2 sessions and then ask her if she is single or not. If she is then go for it, If she isn't then drop it. End of story, Don't buy into all the drama crap.
Man you're so right. But in fairness I probably would still have given it a go. Boyfriends are just another hurdle on the Knobstable Course ;o
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Talk to her plainly about it. Obviously if either of you are dead set on a monogamous thing, it probably won't work out. If you're more open to poly or whatnot, then you can discuss the situation with *total honesty*.
That being said... she's 16. LOL she's in the very middle of puberty. No one at that age acts rational all the time.
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She sounds like the type of person who gets way too emotionally attached quickly, but then doesn't know how to keep a relationship going. She needs to have 3-4 years without a boyfriend. I guarentee she will eventually break up with her current boyfriend anyway, find a different guy and then proceed to get pregnant. That's how it always turns out with these kind of girls. They seem innocent, but there is something that has bothered them in the past or it could just be the fact that shes 16.
I liked a girl, but i just ended a relationship so I waited 8 months to start dating her to make sure it wasn't just fallback from the previous person. She needs a lot of time.
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Saying that you shouldn't get involved with a girl because you met her while she is in a relationship is nothing I agree with. There are so many scenarios where two people stay involved just because that's what they're used to doing. They live in a basically loveless relationship just because it's the safe route. Stop judging the OP and the girl in question when you know very little about the backstory.
To the OP;
Just talk to her and make her realize he's just acting out. Think of him like a child with a toy, you take the toy away (even if the child is no longer really interesting) the child will protest and cry. Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
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Working with her is even a better reason not to get involved. It's horrible working with your SO and having to see them and corporate with them after you guys have gotten into a disagreement over something or have broken up.
Moreover, if you are really convinced that you want to be in a relationship with this girl, she might have a lot of emotional baggage from being with the other guy. You have to make sure that you're 100 percent to be in a relationship where the girl has been in a long relationship since an early age, probably developing a lot of dependency. Secondly, they she's been in a relationship with a guy that may have depression or suicidal tendencies (since she's worried about him if they broke up) she might keep dwelling on that fact and worrying over him unless they are cut off from each other completely.
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When girls are upset there are only two things to day. "i'm sorry" and "i understand".
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Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy.
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On January 12 2011 04:21 Julmust wrote:
Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
I'm a tad older (and wiser) than her, I'm more aware that, to put it simply, shit happens. Which is why I'm not worried about getting involved with her.
I'm 99% certain she only told him she wanted to take a break because she thought it was better to say that than say I'm ditching you immediately, and she's got no intention of sticking with him. I don't agree with her but I can see why she did it; as far as I know, he hasn't had a clue this was coming, poor bastard.
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On January 12 2011 04:21 Julmust wrote:
To the OP;
Just talk to her and make her realize he's just acting out. Think of him like a child with a toy, you take the toy away (even if the child is no longer really interesting) the child will protest and cry. Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
He's "acting out" in exactly the same manner as the OP, the girl, or anybody else entering a relationship because of some emotional whim. Not more and not less. They seemingly all have the same reasons, namely to perform as the animals they are until they become aware of that, take that into account and then make a decision.
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On January 12 2011 04:02 Quesadilla wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else. I agree. She's already kissing you whilst having a 3-year relationship that isn't over. Let's say you're 3 years in and you are him, I guarantee your at the gun store with your permit.
Well he'd find it pretty hard to get a gun here, and this ain't my first time to the rodeo, I've dealt with angry ex boyfriends before.
And I've seen a couple of pictures of him...if he tries to fight me I can take him. Like...so easily that I wouldn't even have to hurt him. I'm not exactly hard as nails but this guy...lol.
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In light of all of this complication, the fact that she works with you should be enough for you to just not pursue it imo. But if you do good luck I guess, hopefully the boyfriend isn't stab-you-in-the-eyes crazy.
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On January 12 2011 04:27 darmousseh wrote:
Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy.
Heh, that was exactly my first thought when she told me how long they'd been together, and sure enough I believe her dad lives in another country.
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United Kingdom38150 Posts
lol @ calling the bf selfish and stupid on the long shot he does something stupid reacting badly to the break up, all while considering him an abstract object in your way to hooking up with this chick >_>
Not knowing shit about the guy doesn't make it easy to offer help, and if she's going to worry for him that much I doubt you can do much to reassure her.
Personally I'd have got firmly away from the situation, but it's your choice.
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Either 1. Cease contact or 2. Hook up (and use protection ffs!) then cease contact.
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She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously?
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Well I maintain that you are both really young, and that you'll have forgotten alllll about this in a few years. I made plenty of retarded relationship decisions at that age. Everyone does.
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Not as bad as I thought, I tell myself. I can handle this.
Wrong. She'll do the same to you.
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On January 12 2011 04:34 Asha` wrote:
lol @ calling the bf selfish and stupid on the long shot he does something stupid reacting badly to the break up, all while considering him an abstract object in your way to hooking up with this chick >_>
Yeah I know I was being a bit of a dick saying that but I was being honest, I'm trying to feel less apathetic for him but I'm having trouble. Someone else made the comparison to a child who has had it's toy taken away, and that comparison was correct. The dude is 22 and should know better than that.
As for everyone saying I should just get outta dodge...I see that it's reasonable but I'm still not going to. Because
a) I've only known her a little over a week but I like being around her a lot.
and
b) 2010 was a shitty year for me and it's been a while since I had a girl around. It might be a stupid reason to get into it but she's said herself she wants to have 'a few whirlwind relationships' like she's supposed to at her age, and I don't mind being one of them. Every girl I've ever known has had 'issues' or emotional baggage, I can deal with one more and if she doesn't want to get into anything too really long term then that's alright as well.
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Then go for it. I've been in situations similar to hers. All bored in some dull relationship, and suddenly the new guy at work, (or party) is a tall, built, rugby player who also happens to be in a (real and touring) metal band, fellow gamer, and asks you out.
Sounds like she's totally crushing on you. Enjoy it.
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On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously?
Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah.
TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it 
That's two questions ;o
What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care.
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On January 12 2011 04:47 The KY wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously? Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah. TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it That's two questions ;o What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care.
If you don't care if it ends well, why are you asking for advice?
I get that you're young and think it's cool to not care about the consequences of your actions, but really?
P.S. If she was dating a 19 year old when she was 13 then she has some daddy issues and you should stay away. There's your advice.
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Here is what you do. Just be there, don't push her away too far, and definitely don't try and get any closer. The current situation reeks of horribleness and immaturity. But be there, be a friend. You can even act like bf/gf/ whatever, but you MUST keep your emotional distance. DON'T GET TOO CLOSE. Let her sort things out. She's 16 for crying aloud, she doesn't understand crap. If she dumps the current loser, then all's well. If she can't separate herself from him even if she seems to want to, then RUN. Nothing good will ever come out of a situation like that.
She needs time. And if you don't have the time, or get emotionally involved too soon, you will be dealing with worlds of crap.
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On January 12 2011 04:53 Whiladan wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:47 The KY wrote:On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously? Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah. TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it That's two questions ;o What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care. If you don't care if it ends well, why are you asking for advice? I get that you're young and think it's cool to not care about the consequences of your actions, but really? P.S. If she was dating a 19 year old when she was 13 then she has some daddy issues and you should stay away. There's your advice.
Well that's not exactly what I meant. It's not that I, ahem, think it's cool not to care about the consequences of my actions. For the record I'm 20 and not the same age as her, obviously I don't have the experience to have all the answers but I am at the very least well out of puberty. It's more that I am fine with the idea that it might end badly. How many relationships end well? I care about it going well now.
On January 12 2011 04:53 Sm3agol wrote:
Here is what you do. Just be there, don't push her away too far, and definitely don't try and get any closer. The current situation reeks of horribleness and immaturity. But be there, be a friend. You can even act like bf/gf/ whatever, but you MUST keep your emotional distance. DON'T GET TOO CLOSE. Let her sort things out. She's 16 for crying aloud, she doesn't understand crap. If she dumps the current loser, then all's well. If she can't separate herself from him even if she seems to want to, then RUN. Nothing good will ever come out of a situation like that.
She needs time. And if you don't have the time, or get emotionally involved too soon, you will be dealing with worlds of crap.
Makes sense.
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Restore karmic balance for that dude. Get her in bed, give her a minivan and leave.
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Girl sounds like trouble.. and kinda young.. dunno about this one man. There are others out there (=
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On January 12 2011 05:00 Noxie wrote:
Girl sounds like trouble.. and kinda young.. dunno about this one man. There are others out there (=
By all means, direct me to them -_-
She turns 17 next week, ha. Told myself I wouldn't really do anything with her, even officially start going out with her, until after her birthday, just on principle 
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Toot it and Boot it, make her feel stupid!
nah jk, leave her be and never again shall you contact her. Simple as that shes too much of a hassle already and theres other girls out there with better conditions and if i were you an in these positions i would just leave and try to assess other situations
comprende?
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On January 12 2011 04:33 The KY wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:27 darmousseh wrote:
Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy. Heh, that was exactly my first thought when she told me how long they'd been together, and sure enough I believe her dad lives in another country.
Wow yeah. My brother had a girlfriend like that and she would jump from guy to guy[even dated a guy for 2 years], usually a lot older, she eventually got pregnant. She most likely has a lot of emotional issues related to her dad not being there. This is also part of the reason she feels bad breaking off a relationship since it will mean she will lose a male authority figure in her life. She needs to be distracted for 2-3 years until college. Tell her you can be her friend, but that you can't go out for a while. She really needs to get into something like sports. Usually sports coaches are male and she can get the father figure desire out of her on the field by trying to impress her coach instead of in a relationship.
Whatever happens, she needs to break up with that guy ASAP. He is going to dump her eventually since that's what guys who date younger girls do, so it's best if she breaks it off on her term and you are not involved.
Play more starcraft, the odds of dating your high school sweetheart are less than 1% according to some book i read a few years ago, where as it gets to like 50% in college. Having friends that are girls is good, getting involved in a girl with emotional attachment issues is not.
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I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
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Don't fool yourself into thinking you can "help" her in the sense that she'll get over the other guy and start a clean-slate, trouble-free relationship with you.
Even if she did get over the other guy, that girl's character will not change. Her troubles will plague you as well in some way that is not worthwhile at all.
Do yourself a favor and find someone worth your time.
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+ Show Spoiler +On January 12 2011 05:07 JackMcCoy wrote:
I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
Cool story bro! I mean that sincerely.
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If you can't relate to the situation she's in at all, then you have nothing to say other than giving her support in her decisions.
Just reassure her that she needs to do what she wants to do. If she would rather be with you, she stays with you and that's her choice.
Also, by "something stupid," I assume you mean he may try to hurt you or himself.
Question: do you really think she is even in a stable enough state of mind to determine whether or not he would, and how well did they really know each other? Time doesn't tell you that. She could just be scared of him, not necessarily because of who he is, but because you hear stories of abusive and vengeful exes all the time. Although I would agree with anyone when I say it is not a good idea to mess with him, unless he ends up starting something that would put either of you at risk.
If he's going to end up hurting himself, you may be unable to do anything about that, sadly.
You're entering a risky relationship, but you seem intent on keeping it going, so you have to accept that there is the risk this guy is nuts, finds out that you catalyzed the breakup, and may come after you. You also have to deal with the fact she's not going to take the breakup well partly as a result of him not taking it well, even though you just need to reaffirm her original doubts about the relationship that were making her second guess it in the first place so she can realize that it was the better choice. Fear is a powerful thing.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
i approve of this message. do NOT get involved with chicks that are tied up and/or indecisive when it comes to dumping the other guy. don;t get fooled by the 'honesty', if it's 'complicated', find someone else
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
Normally I would agree with this statement but come on. If a nice and cute girl have EVER dumped a guy, does that mean we shouldn't go after said girl because she could do the same to you?
I say go for it OP, you will probably have fun while it lasts.
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Blunt question- are you looking for a quickie or something else?
If it's a quickie, you're gonna get it and then be shafted by all of her crap that she'll try to unload
If it's a relationship, run the fuck away because she sounds like a loony.
Either way it'll probably be bad, but I guess it's up to you to weigh the benefits of getting laid vs. the crazy. Also, as a guy who's been in a reasonably long distance relationship for about three years, the guys gonna be pissed but probably won't try and kill you. Then again I'm not going out with a girl six years younger than me so I might not fully appreciate this guys insanity.
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Didn't read the posts.
Fuck the brains out of her and don't care.
Leave her.
THEN
Return to SC.
Fuck Yeah.
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On January 12 2011 05:15 RageOverdose wrote:
If you can't relate to the situation she's in at all, then you have nothing to say other than giving her support in her decisions.
Just reassure her that she needs to do what she wants to do. If she would rather be with you, she stays with you and that's her choice.
Also, by "something stupid," I assume you mean he may try to hurt you or himself.
Question: do you really think she is even in a stable enough state of mind to determine whether or not he would, and how well did they really know each other? Time doesn't tell you that. She could just be scared of him, not necessarily because of who he is, but because you hear stories of abusive and vengeful exes all the time. Although I would agree with anyone when I say it is not a good idea to mess with him, unless he ends up starting something that would put either of you at risk.
If he's going to end up hurting himself, you may be unable to do anything about that, sadly.
You're entering a risky relationship, but you seem intent on keeping it going, so you have to accept that there is the risk this guy is nuts, finds out that you catalyzed the breakup, and may come after you. You also have to deal with the fact she's not going to take the breakup well partly as a result of him not taking it well, even though you just need to reaffirm her original doubts about the relationship that were making her second guess it in the first place so she can realize that it was the better choice. Fear is a powerful thing.
That's sort of what I was going with; just reminding her that a long term relationship that young with that age gap was always going to end, probably badly. I'm pretty sure he wasn't an abusive boyfriend, but fuck it he might be crazy. I'm not worried about him 'coming for me', as I said somewhere above I've dealt with angry exes. I swear like 50% of girls have angry exes. Maybe it's me, dunno. But basically I can totally deal with that.
Update, by the way, apparently the guy is at his workplace now which I told her is a good thing because his friends are there and will help him deal. She's totally calm now and has agreed with me that she made the right decision, she's even started talking about other things now, thank god. I fully expect this guy to be pissed at me when he finds out about my involvement, but as above that's fine.
To once again reply to the ones telling me to end it...I hear the rationale and it makes sense but it doesn't chime with my practical experience of the situation. By that I mean when I'm spending time with her or talking to her about this guy I'm not getting a 'holy crap this girl is insane' vibe. I'm not even thinking about that. It's just like spending time with an attractive and sweet girl, oddly enough. Maybe I'm being stupid, I don't know.
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You should leave her alone and let her decide. If she can't dump him and choose you, evidently she isn't that interested. Whats the point of being with her if all she is going to do is regret what she had with the other dude. Man up and keep your nose out of it. In all likelihood this is a bad sign anyway.
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Ok I never wrote something on thread like that, because i am here in TL because of SC obviously, but after reading this i was pretty shocked. The exact same thing happened to me 4 months ago. Only diference was that the girl was little older then 16. I was in front of same question as you are now. What i did? I was just being calm and gave here all time she needed. She eventually broke up with him and start dating me. Sounds like a happy end right? But problem was that her ex-boyfriend came to her and ask her to come back to him in tears. She couldnt handle that and broke up with me. She said that she cant throw away 3 years with him like that. I was really down after that, but now I can say one thing. I will never ever ever ever even consider starting something with girl, who got boyfriend for a long time. Its just my experience, but good luck man and sorry about my poor english...:-)
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On January 12 2011 05:20 Rainmaker5 wrote:
Blunt question- are you looking for a quickie or something else?
If it's a quickie, you're gonna get it and then be shafted by all of her crap that she'll try to unload
If it's a relationship, run the fuck away because she sounds like a loony.
Either way it'll probably be bad, but I guess it's up to you to weigh the benefits of getting laid vs. the crazy. Also, as a guy who's been in a reasonably long distance relationship for about three years, the guys gonna be pissed but probably won't try and kill you. Then again I'm not going out with a girl six years younger than me so I might not fully appreciate this guys insanity.
What I expect it to be is a relatively short term relationship. For all I know it could go really great and end up being more but that is not my feeling.
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On January 12 2011 05:34 Lurtzer wrote:
Ok I never wrote something on thread like that, because i am here in TL because of SC obviously, but after reading this i was pretty shocked. The exact same thing happened to me 4 months ago. Only diference was that the girl was little older then 16. I was in front of same question as you are now. What i did? I was just being calm and gave here all time she needed. She eventually broke up with him and start dating me. Sounds like a happy end right? But problem was that her ex-boyfriend came to her and ask her to come back to him in tears. She couldnt handle that and broke up with me. She said that she cant throw away 3 years with him like that. I was really down after that, but now I can say one thing. I will never ever ever ever even consider starting something with girl, who got boyfriend for a long time. Its just my experience, but good luck man and sorry about my poor english...:-)
You're english is fine man, thanks for your experience. That's a bit worrying. As far as I can tell, she's already broken up with him as far as she is concerned. Before today what happened to you was the thing I was most worried about, but I'm going to risk it. I guess I'll try and keep my distance until I'm sure she's not going to go running back.
P.S. Nony is streaming, hell yeah.
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On January 12 2011 03:58 enzym wrote:
Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be.
Raw and cheer science. I love it
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stay away 110%
the issue with girls like that is tend to
1- batshit crazy, and you dont want that period
2- unsure of their decision, which will end poorly for you in a short while via break up
3- ex-bf causes tons of drama and that will end poorly for you and poorly for him too
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On January 12 2011 05:50 LittLeD wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:58 enzym wrote:
Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be. Raw and cheer science. I love it
Ha, yeah man I was gonna say enzym, I think we might have a different perspective on things. I just kind of want a lady friend to hug and talk about nice things with, you know?
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Be really tender, forward and into it, then stop and pull back. Get distant and let her know you doubt if it should happen and that you can't trust yourself around her. Then fuck her.
wait, how old are you
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On January 12 2011 06:15 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
Be really tender, forward and into it, then stop and pull back. Get distant and let her know you doubt if it should happen and that you can't trust yourself around her. Then fuck her.
wait, how old are you
37.
..j/k, 20. Why?
Also, no hit it and quit its. That ain't how I roll.
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90% chance that if you had no emotional attachment to this girl, such as if you were a third party, you would think the same thing as the majority of folks here. This story is riddled with red flags that adults avoid like the plague. Most importantly-- don't date at the work place.
If you told this girl that you wanted to just be friends, would she go chasing back to her boyfriend after their "break." Sounds like she would, but I just have one perspective over the medium of text. Would you want a girl that would do that? Sounds like she likes relationships more than her actual boyfriends.
Hell with all these red flags can you honestly say you're not just wanting a relationship? What makes this girl special other than the fact she's giving you attention?
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Croatia9487 Posts
On January 12 2011 05:07 JackMcCoy wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
Is there a part 2?
Don't leave me here with a tear in my eye, I need to know what happened afterwards!
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@The KY- Are you desperate to be in a relationship with this girl? If not, take your time and get to know her before you step into her life as a boyfriend. She has had a boyfriend for three years right? It's going to take her a while to get over him, no matter how long she's been feeling the way she does. The saying "Love never dies" is true because she will always have feelings for him deep inside, no matter what. You obviously came on TL looking advice on what you should do and I think you should approach cautiously. Because no matter what, you have emotions too. You will become emotionally attached to her. You say right now that "Hell, I can take that 3 years from now." But you don't know who you will be in three years. You don't know if you will fall madly in love with her, do you? She can easily do the same thing to you as she did to him. Just approach cautiously and look out for yourself. Be selfish in these kind of situations so that you don't get hurt.
Edit: I just read that she is almost 17 and you are 20. She is not going to me mature enough for you. Trust me on this.
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On January 12 2011 06:17 VonLego wrote:
90% chance that if you had no emotional attachment to this girl, such as if you were a third party, you would think the same thing as the majority of folks here. This story is riddled with red flags that adults avoid like the plague. Most importantly-- don't date at the work place.
If you told this girl that you wanted to just be friends, would she go chasing back to her boyfriend after their "break." Sounds like she would, but I just have one perspective over the medium of text. Would you want a girl that would do that? Sounds like she likes relationships more than her actual boyfriends.
Hell with all these red flags can you honestly say you're not just wanting a relationship? What makes this girl special other than the fact she's giving you attention?
She's...got...pretty eyes? She makes me smile? Seriously though I don't actually know whether I really like her or if I just think I really like her because it's been a little while. Guess I'll find out.
And yeah...I know you shouldn't date at the work place. I know, and I ignored it. Ah well.
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On January 12 2011 06:23 AyeH wrote:
Edit: I just read that she is almost 17 and you are 20. She is not going to me mature enough for you. Trust me on this.
You could very well be right. Yesterday she said told me she writes poetry and wanted me to read some...I got flashbacks to school and I was like 'Oh god it's going to be awful but I can't say that.'
EDIT: damn didn't mean to use my 1k post on this. -_-
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The only situation I've heard of something similar, the girl went back to the first boyfriend out of guilt + thinking the new guy was a jerk for pushing too hard. Sounds like you are well on your way to creating a similar situation.
Bottom line, you have to cool down and be patient if you really want this girl. Maybe apologize and say you realize you were out of line. The girl will get out of her relationship in time... who wants to stay with the person they liked when they were thirteen (the same is true of sixteen, IMO, but you can have some fun years). While she's getting out of it, your job is to pretend to be noble and thinking of her best interests.
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Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
That she is!
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Don't expect a girl that would get with you while she is still with someone else to be faithful to you. Not to mention, how would you feel if the guy actually turned out to be a cool guy?
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hey dude, I'm gonna say this in a very unbiased way, but there is red flags all over this thing. I know you won't listen if I say to walk away from her completely, but seriously, be cautious and keep your guard up. she's young, and just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. this ex-boyfriend shit isn't gonna go away in a snap.
I don't want to see you get taken by surprise, man. this is seriously dangerous waters. just remember that this could very easily turn bad for you.
I don't mean to shit on your relationship or anything, I just want you to take your time with her and not rush anything. don't lead with emotion right now. good luck man <3
I speak from experience in this sort of situation, btw. It worked out in the end for me, but I had to go through some shit to get there.
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Honestly, I would give the girl a chance, and more importantly, time. The girl got into a relationship when she was 13(!), and kids at that age dont necessarily make the best decisions. 16 isn't a whole lot better, but still her decision making would be quiet better than when she was 13.
The question is, what are you looking for right now? Are you looking for a relationship in the short term - if so, then this girl isn't for you. But if you're willing to wait it out, and take a risk, then this might even work out in favor of you, if the girl is level-headed and knows what she wants.
Good luck!.
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You've clearly already made up your mind about what you're going to do, so why bother asking for advice? The general consensus is that this girl is trouble (which she is), and that you're better off just cutting your losses and looking for somebody else. She's 16, which makes it a problem. You're 20, and she's 16 - that exacerbates the problem. Lastly, she's was cheating on her boyfriend with you, so either you think you're that much of a fucking stud that her actions only happened cause it was you and you're so baller, or because she doesn't mind cheating.
P.S I doubt you're a stud baller.
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2Pacalypse January 12 2011 06:20Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 05:07 JackMcCoy wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte. Is there a part 2? Don't leave me here with a tear in my eye, I need to know what happened afterwards!
OMG yes. i need to know how this ends. please finish this book.please.
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On January 12 2011 06:55 Salv wrote:
You've clearly already made up your mind about what you're going to do, so why bother asking for advice? The general consensus is that this girl is trouble (which she is), and that you're better off just cutting your losses and looking for somebody else. She's 16, which makes it a problem. You're 20, and she's 16 - that exacerbates the problem. Lastly, she's was cheating on her boyfriend with you, so either you think you're that much of a fucking stud that her actions only happened cause it was you and you're so baller, or because she doesn't mind cheating.
P.S I doubt you're a stud baller.
Well I wasn't technically asking should I get out of it, I hadn't even considered it until people overwhelming started saying it. And I'm almost exactly 3 years older than her, she is a BIT young, but I was once told the rule is half your age plus seven? When she hits 17 soon I'll be adhereing to that, admittedly arbitrary, rule and I'll be content.
Also, I am SUCH a stud baller. You should see my ladder rating. (I actually briefly tried telling her how good I was at SC2 (not even very good) when I was drunk once - didn't work, moved on).
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whole post got trashed for some reason, ignore.
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On January 12 2011 06:51 ChoRds wrote:
hey dude, I'm gonna say this in a very unbiased way, but there is red flags all over this thing. I know you won't listen if I say to walk away from her completely, but seriously, be cautious and keep your guard up. she's young, and just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. this ex-boyfriend shit isn't gonna go away in a snap.
I don't want to see you get taken by surprise, man. this is seriously dangerous waters. just remember that this could very easily turn bad for you.
I don't mean to shit on your relationship or anything, I just want you to take your time with her and not rush anything. don't lead with emotion right now. good luck man <3
I speak from experience in this sort of situation, btw. It worked out in the end for me, but I had to go through some shit to get there.
Thanks for your input man (same goes for everyone), I'll definitely try to keep caution at the front of my mind. My stupid brain chemicals are tempting me to forget her (ex?) bf ever existed and plow on regardless. As you and others alluded, someone she was probably pretty reliant on for so long won't just disappear. From what I know though, I'm pretty confident she's not going back to him.
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I wouldn't commit to this girl, that's for sure. From experience, I would also suggest not breaking them up. There are plenty of other girls to hook up with if that's what you're after, and if you're looking for some king of long-term thing... a 16 year old girl who would leave her boyfriend of three years for you is NOT a catch.
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ummm... the girl is 16, she is allowed to break up with her boyfriend. What, is she supposed to stay with this loser forever? You guys are silly.
I say go for it, have some fun(breakup sex), and see what happens. Just don't be surprised if she is a drama bomb.
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I was in a very very similar situation at one point, anyways heres how to make it easy.
Stop talking to the girl, just straight up no contact until she is fully separated from her ex boyfriend (emails, texts, etc.).
If you truly see the person you love in her take your time do NOT rush things.
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I was messing with a girl JUST like this for a while. She broke up with her boyfriend (of three years [!]) for me the day after we first had sex.
I convinced myself that she would treat me better than she did him and that she was just confused and I cut her a break... I decided that I really really liked her and I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
We had great sex for a while.
Turned out she was a really annoying princess with a huge ego and all kinds of personality issues. The more I got to know her the more clear it was to me that she was just kind of a junky person.
Then she broke up with me and I was a bit upset but by that time I didn't 'actually' like her any more, I just liked having sex with her. Basically she turned out to be a disloyal, ego-inflated bitch with an attitude problem.
Overall, it was pretty awesome. She was really hot.
Any way, I am not saying that will be your experience, and maybe your girl is a fantastic person (?). but generally disloyal girls are disloyal girls. You can make excuses for her, but don't be surprised if she behaves in the way that other fickle girls of her ilk are won't to do.
I say go for it but don't get too attached.
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AAAAAAH FUCK she just sent me a fucking text saying she's not fucking doing it you guys were right fuck this who fucking lets it get that far then changes their mind so fast this sucks AAAAAH FFS.
OK now to work on calming down.
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She's 16. This sort of thing doesn't surprise me at all. I wouldn't be shocked to hear she wanted to hang out with you still this week.
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On January 12 2011 10:36 tonight wrote:
She's 16. This sort of thing doesn't surprise me at all. I wouldn't be shocked to hear she wanted to hang out with you still this week.
Got work with her on thursday haha...well that'll be fun. AAAAAH GOD I'm going to go ahead and use the money I was going to spend on her birthday on a GSL season ticket and some booze.
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Wow, I thought it would take at least a day for you to make a post about how THE INTERNET WAS RIGHT. This girl (and her boyfriend) have drama written all over them. Tomorrow she'll change her mind again, and if you've got any self-respect you won't deal with it.
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On January 12 2011 10:45 Chef wrote:
Wow, I thought it would take at least a day for you to make a post about how THE INTERNET WAS RIGHT.
-_- Don't rub it in man, fresh wounds and that.
I like your sig, I use that line all the time. It never works.
*insert Forever Alone meme*
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Ah now imagine had you listened and cut her off, you'd be a like a total baller right now and she would be all upset because you said no, but instead it's the reverse.
Either way it sucks, just move on, lots of 16 year olds out there.
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Looks like the internet was more right than I thought, she's loopy. All she was going to do was take a break from him then sleep with me, then GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM and 'commit 100%'. Jesus fuck.
Alright, done venting, thanks for advice guys even if I ignored it lile a dick and even if TL is a wildly inappropriate place to talk about this shit.
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Well, 99.9% of the time I wouldn't listen to what anyone on the internet said to me regarding relationships.
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I don't like that, the internet was right.... 20 differing opinions are given one of them will be right.... :/ But sounds like you should've effed her and left it at that. Can't honestly expect a serious relationship from a 16 yr old who dates older men. That's like ur basic High school 101 shit.
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On January 12 2011 05:07 JackMcCoy wrote:
I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
You just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan; you don't need to be coy, just get yourself free.
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Where's the bro code!? But really, if she dates this guy that is 22 for 3 years and she's only 16... she is really trouble. I'd say just gtfo out of this situation just incase it becomes a full scale out war. But, if you really like this girl that much, follow your heart. Let nothing stop you from what you want, and need.
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On January 12 2011 10:17 The KY wrote:
AAAAAAH FUCK she just sent me a fucking text saying she's not fucking doing it you guys were right fuck this who fucking lets it get that far then changes their mind so fast this sucks AAAAAH FFS.
OK now to work on calming down.
Question is, did you learn something so you don't do the same bullshit all over again? If you did learn then it was worth it.
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On January 12 2011 10:17 The KY wrote:
AAAAAAH FUCK she just sent me a fucking text saying she's not fucking doing it you guys were right fuck this who fucking lets it get that far then changes their mind so fast this sucks AAAAAH FFS.
OK now to work on calming down.
fuck it, man. would you rather hear this shit from her now, or in 2 years? you lucked out. next time you see her, even if it really hurts, just tell her "yeah, it sucks you don't want a relationship, but I'll get over it." and move on with your day.
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Just hit it and quit it dawg.
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The way that some people in this thread seem to relish in promoting abject selfishness and immorality makes my stomach turn. The lack of ethics and empathy displayed by a lot of you guys is just disgusting to see. I feel sorry for the 19 year old guy who was stupid enough to entrust feelings in a 16 year old bimbo who confesses to another guy after knowing him a week that she's looking to get into "whirlwind" relationships. Wth kind of disgusting term is that?
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On January 12 2011 15:26 StorkHwaiting wrote:
The way that some people in this thread seem to relish in promoting abject selfishness and immorality makes my stomach turn. The lack of ethics and empathy displayed by a lot of you guys is just disgusting to see. I feel sorry for the 19 year old guy who was stupid enough to entrust feelings in a 16 year old bimbo who confesses to another guy after knowing him a week that she's looking to get into "whirlwind" relationships. Wth kind of disgusting term is that?
The guy that is dating the girl right now is 22. Which means he was a pedophile when the couple were dating for 3 years. 22YO-3Y=19YO for the guy and 16YO-3Y=13YO for the girl he likes
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Two wrongs don't make a right
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Unless your agenda with this girl is to, excuse my language, hit it and quit it (which I don't condone), look elsewhere.
I have made mistakes like this before, and they are all trouble. Not that they are doing it all consciously and purposefully, but generally, it all ends the same. They have many issues that will be pretty hard to overcome, that will make it very difficult to have any kind of lasting relationship with them.
I mean, you can, as some have suggested, roll with the situation, and see where it goes. Maybe things will change overtime and she will mature. But I would highly suggest against going into it with an attitude of looking for a long-term relationship right off the bat.
Edit: Didn't read the whole thread until now...
Guess it didn't end out well. Sorry man.
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EPT
