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On January 12 2011 04:07 Integra wrote:
To add to my previous statement, you wanted advice? "ASK IF SHE IS SINGLE NEXT TIME YOU HIT ON SOMEONE"
It's a very common trap for both men and women to invest into a person only to know later that she or he already has someone that they "might" not want to be with anymore. IF you knew she already had one and was a total flak before you started invest time in her would you still think it was worth it? Definably not.
Next time you see a girl you like, just go up to her, get to know her for like 2 sessions and then ask her if she is single or not. If she is then go for it, If she isn't then drop it. End of story, Don't buy into all the drama crap.
Man you're so right. But in fairness I probably would still have given it a go. Boyfriends are just another hurdle on the Knobstable Course ;o
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Talk to her plainly about it. Obviously if either of you are dead set on a monogamous thing, it probably won't work out. If you're more open to poly or whatnot, then you can discuss the situation with *total honesty*.
That being said... she's 16. LOL she's in the very middle of puberty. No one at that age acts rational all the time.
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She sounds like the type of person who gets way too emotionally attached quickly, but then doesn't know how to keep a relationship going. She needs to have 3-4 years without a boyfriend. I guarentee she will eventually break up with her current boyfriend anyway, find a different guy and then proceed to get pregnant. That's how it always turns out with these kind of girls. They seem innocent, but there is something that has bothered them in the past or it could just be the fact that shes 16.
I liked a girl, but i just ended a relationship so I waited 8 months to start dating her to make sure it wasn't just fallback from the previous person. She needs a lot of time.
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Saying that you shouldn't get involved with a girl because you met her while she is in a relationship is nothing I agree with. There are so many scenarios where two people stay involved just because that's what they're used to doing. They live in a basically loveless relationship just because it's the safe route. Stop judging the OP and the girl in question when you know very little about the backstory.
To the OP;
Just talk to her and make her realize he's just acting out. Think of him like a child with a toy, you take the toy away (even if the child is no longer really interesting) the child will protest and cry. Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
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Working with her is even a better reason not to get involved. It's horrible working with your SO and having to see them and corporate with them after you guys have gotten into a disagreement over something or have broken up.
Moreover, if you are really convinced that you want to be in a relationship with this girl, she might have a lot of emotional baggage from being with the other guy. You have to make sure that you're 100 percent to be in a relationship where the girl has been in a long relationship since an early age, probably developing a lot of dependency. Secondly, they she's been in a relationship with a guy that may have depression or suicidal tendencies (since she's worried about him if they broke up) she might keep dwelling on that fact and worrying over him unless they are cut off from each other completely.
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When girls are upset there are only two things to day. "i'm sorry" and "i understand".
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Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy.
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On January 12 2011 04:21 Julmust wrote:
Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
I'm a tad older (and wiser) than her, I'm more aware that, to put it simply, shit happens. Which is why I'm not worried about getting involved with her.
I'm 99% certain she only told him she wanted to take a break because she thought it was better to say that than say I'm ditching you immediately, and she's got no intention of sticking with him. I don't agree with her but I can see why she did it; as far as I know, he hasn't had a clue this was coming, poor bastard.
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On January 12 2011 04:21 Julmust wrote:
To the OP;
Just talk to her and make her realize he's just acting out. Think of him like a child with a toy, you take the toy away (even if the child is no longer really interesting) the child will protest and cry. Now you're both to young to have realized this yet but to get through life you have to break a few hearts. If that doesn't work out and she decides to stay with him "until he feels better" (which will never happen btw) don't wait around. Just move on.
He's "acting out" in exactly the same manner as the OP, the girl, or anybody else entering a relationship because of some emotional whim. Not more and not less. They seemingly all have the same reasons, namely to perform as the animals they are until they become aware of that, take that into account and then make a decision.
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On January 12 2011 04:02 Quesadilla wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else. I agree. She's already kissing you whilst having a 3-year relationship that isn't over. Let's say you're 3 years in and you are him, I guarantee your at the gun store with your permit.
Well he'd find it pretty hard to get a gun here, and this ain't my first time to the rodeo, I've dealt with angry ex boyfriends before.
And I've seen a couple of pictures of him...if he tries to fight me I can take him. Like...so easily that I wouldn't even have to hurt him. I'm not exactly hard as nails but this guy...lol.
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In light of all of this complication, the fact that she works with you should be enough for you to just not pursue it imo. But if you do good luck I guess, hopefully the boyfriend isn't stab-you-in-the-eyes crazy.
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On January 12 2011 04:27 darmousseh wrote:
Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy.
Heh, that was exactly my first thought when she told me how long they'd been together, and sure enough I believe her dad lives in another country.
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United Kingdom38146 Posts
lol @ calling the bf selfish and stupid on the long shot he does something stupid reacting badly to the break up, all while considering him an abstract object in your way to hooking up with this chick >_>
Not knowing shit about the guy doesn't make it easy to offer help, and if she's going to worry for him that much I doubt you can do much to reassure her.
Personally I'd have got firmly away from the situation, but it's your choice.
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Either 1. Cease contact or 2. Hook up (and use protection ffs!) then cease contact.
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She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously?
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Well I maintain that you are both really young, and that you'll have forgotten alllll about this in a few years. I made plenty of retarded relationship decisions at that age. Everyone does.
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Not as bad as I thought, I tell myself. I can handle this.
Wrong. She'll do the same to you.
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On January 12 2011 04:34 Asha` wrote:
lol @ calling the bf selfish and stupid on the long shot he does something stupid reacting badly to the break up, all while considering him an abstract object in your way to hooking up with this chick >_>
Yeah I know I was being a bit of a dick saying that but I was being honest, I'm trying to feel less apathetic for him but I'm having trouble. Someone else made the comparison to a child who has had it's toy taken away, and that comparison was correct. The dude is 22 and should know better than that.
As for everyone saying I should just get outta dodge...I see that it's reasonable but I'm still not going to. Because
a) I've only known her a little over a week but I like being around her a lot.
and
b) 2010 was a shitty year for me and it's been a while since I had a girl around. It might be a stupid reason to get into it but she's said herself she wants to have 'a few whirlwind relationships' like she's supposed to at her age, and I don't mind being one of them. Every girl I've ever known has had 'issues' or emotional baggage, I can deal with one more and if she doesn't want to get into anything too really long term then that's alright as well.
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Then go for it. I've been in situations similar to hers. All bored in some dull relationship, and suddenly the new guy at work, (or party) is a tall, built, rugby player who also happens to be in a (real and touring) metal band, fellow gamer, and asks you out.
Sounds like she's totally crushing on you. Enjoy it.
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On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously?
Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah.
TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it 
That's two questions ;o
What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care.
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