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Ok, so I met a girl. SO pretty, funny, all shy around me which is sweet...doesn't like SC though, but whatever. She's a little bit young maybe but hey. Anyway we dance around it for a couple of days then I tell her I'm very interested, she reciprocates.
Awesome!
Awesome?
Not awesome.
I get home and get a text; 'It's complicated, so that you know.' And I'm like FUCK I know what that means. 'I have a boyfriend.'
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I don't get mad though, I calmly ask her what the hell she is playing at then if she's not single. Turns out she's been with him for 3 years, he's a LOT older than her (she is sixteen going on seventeen and he is twenty two, does that mean she was 13 and he was 19 when they got together? I didn't ask - too weird) and wants to start settling down, she's no longer into it and has been thinking about ending it for a while.
Not as bad as I thought, I tell myself. I can handle this.
So I tell her I'm not going anywhere and it's fine, but she has to make a decision soon. The past week we've been getting more and more into eachother, kissed her, talk to her all damn day. And today she texts me and says that she just told her boyfriend that she wanted to take a break.
Obviously I'm a little bit like 'A break? The fuck. Dump that bastard.' I try to sympathise with the guy but I don't even know his name, all he is to me is an abstract obstacle to getting with this girl I really like.
But apparently he is taking it REALLY hard. And she's upset because a) she's been with him for 3 years, it's hard, and b) because she thinks he might do something stupid.
What I want to say is that if he does he's a selfish, stupid prick. But obviously I can't. I don't know the man, I'd know what to say to him but obviously it would be an almost hilariously bad idea if I tried to talk him down.
I don't actually really know how to deal with this. I just want to help her, but I don't know how, and it's worrying me. I'm half writing this just to get it out, but also if anyone has any advice it'd be great.
I don't know if I'm doing this blog thing right. Hopefully I am.
  
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Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
*lazy shrug* I don't think it was an easy decision, she'd been thinking about it long before I came along or she'd never have started anything with me.
Besides, everything has to end, I am under no illusion that I'm gonna marry this chick. Could happen but in terms of sheer statistics probably not.
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TossFloss
Canada606 Posts
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
This, so so much. It's not easy but if you want to save yourself from possible future pain, think this through thoroughly.
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Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
I agree. She's already kissing you whilst having a 3-year relationship that isn't over. Let's say you're 3 years in and you are him, I guarantee your at the gun store with your permit.
Also, these things don't just end overnight. You're asking her to get rid of 3 years of memories and emotions instantaneously for you, whom she has no memories with and nothing besides a budding interest in undiscovered potentials. Also, if they've been in the bone-zone this whole time, girls don't deal with breaking those relationships well, especially if she was young when it all started. There could even be trauma related to it all which makes it so, "complicated".
More than 3 billion fish out there dawg.
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment.
That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
The first warning sign of dating a much older guy should have alerted you, OP. Get out of there now while you still can.
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Have some standards, not worth it bro.
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I agree - delete her number, stop replying messages. She's a looney... If you just want to do her, then do it, then delete the number.
Easy =).
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In all honesty, you can't call him a selfish prick because he'll do something stupid because the girl HE'S in love with is saying, "let's take a break."
It would be hard on her. Being with anyone for a long time, even if you break up and dislike each other, is gonna be hard to not have anymore.
Take a step back and chill. Comfort her when you can, and understand that she was with him first. :/
If I was doing this to a guy(But I wouldn't :/ You're setting yourself up for heart break) like she is to you, I definitely would not want to find out he posted a blog like this. It would piss me off so much.
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So she's cheating on her boyfriend of three years with you, and you want to get together with her so she can end up doing the same thing to you? Take the advice from others above, as I will say the same: the girl sounds like trouble.
She also sounds immature if she can't break up with her bf because he "might do something to himself." Her bf sounds like a real piece of work...dating a 13 yr old when he was 19...lol...
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On January 12 2011 03:57 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? This, so so much. It's not easy but if you want to save yourself from possible future pain, think this through thoroughly.
Give up something now to save myself pain in the future? No. Absolutely fucking not, ever.
'I'm not so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it.'
-Zoe, Firefly
^_^
On January 12 2011 03:58 enzym wrote:
Advice: Step away from it. Mother nature is controlling your brain (hormones are a powerful thing), as well as those of these other two lovebirds. You don't want to help her. All you want is to satisfy that instinct that has taken you over. The same instinct that made her bond with him and that same instinct that is now making it hard for them to accept a break-up, AND that same instinct that is going to make it hard for you in the end, because you know relationships usually don't last forever, because humans don't last forever, but also because relationships are not required to last forever in order to fulfill their function.
Just realize that it is not you who wants her (except as a kind of drug maybe to satisfy your desire) but your animalistic heritage that has taken you over,
and leave it be.
So...never get involved with any girl ever? 0_0 I don't like the sound of that.
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On January 12 2011 04:02 Dayvan wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment. That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway.
She probably wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if rational decisions were a priority for her.
@The KY
I'm not you. I only know that I'd need an additional, really good reason in order to enter a relationship. I don't like the animal part of humans. It makes things too complicated, because it always interferes with more rational approaches to things and causes a lot of problems. There can be rational reasons for entering a relationship though (like if you are into that pleasure gives my life meaning thing or if it comes with other benefits).
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To add to my previous statement, you wanted advice? "ASK IF SHE IS SINGLE NEXT TIME YOU HIT ON SOMEONE"
It's a very common trap for both men and women to invest into a person only to know later that she or he already has someone that they "might" not want to be with anymore. IF you knew she already had one and was a total flak before you started invest time in her would you still think it was worth it? Definably not.
Next time you see a girl you like, just go up to her, get to know her for like 2 sessions and then ask her if she is single or not. If she is then go for it, If she isn't then drop it. End of story, Don't buy into all the drama crap.
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On January 12 2011 04:06 enzym wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:02 Dayvan wrote:On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you? I have to disagree with Integra on that one. There isn't enough information about her current relationship to make the assumption that she's dropping him just on a whim. Plus, I think its more likely that her current relationship has probably been going downhill for months, maybe even a year from the "losing interest" comment. That's a tough spot you're in. I don't really know of an end-all way out of the situation for you that would end everything in your direction, so all I can advise is for you to be the gentleman and reinforce as much as possible the fact that she should take as much time as she needs in making a rational decision. If she asks you to make the decision for her, I think it would be highly appropriate for you to NOT make the decision unless she provides you with much more background information (unless you know a lot more than you've made public here). Seeing as how you've only known her a couple of days it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for you to lose interest in her after actually getting to know her more anyway. She probably wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if rational decisions were a priority for her.
Haha, while this is an excellent point, I still have to say that people do change and, not knowing the girl in question whatsoever, I would still stand by the possibility that she is now a more rational being than the one she was when started going out with this dude. Maybe she was just too young to understand the meaning of the age difference when she started going out with the dude and maybe now she understands why it'd be hard to make that relationship last. Throw in some additional relationship issues with her current guy and the decision to break up with him seems as rational as a round Earth.
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I guess the real decision to make here is "Do I really have the time to fuck around with some random girl's relationship issues?"
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On January 12 2011 04:04 avilo wrote:
So she's cheating on her boyfriend of three years with you, and you want to get together with her so she can end up doing the same thing to you? Take the advice from others above, as I will say the same: the girl sounds like trouble.
She also sounds immature if she can't break up with her bf because he "might do something to himself." Her bf sounds like a real piece of work...dating a 13 yr old when he was 19...lol...
Well...I wouldn't call it cheating, it was one kiss and she pulled out and apologised. But I have thought of that. But if she ends up doing the same to me down the line...fuck it, man, I can deal with that.
And it's not that she can't break up with him, she already kind of did. If she wasn't going to do it because she was worried what he'd do I'd know EXACTLY what to say, i.e. stop being such a fucking coward, you can't stay with him for his sake at your own expense.
On January 12 2011 04:04 Raeleigh wrote:
In all honesty, you can't call him a selfish prick because he'll do something stupid because the girl HE'S in love with is saying, "let's take a break."
It would be hard on her. Being with anyone for a long time, even if you break up and dislike each other, is gonna be hard to not have anymore.
Take a step back and chill. Comfort her when you can, and understand that she was with him first. :/
If I was doing this to a guy(But I wouldn't :/ You're setting yourself up for heart break) like she is to you, I definitely would not want to find out he posted a blog like this. It would piss me off so much.
I'm pretty secure in the knowledge she doesn't lurk on TL, and I'll keep my account private ;P.
Yeah I guess I should just try and chill, but she keeps calling and texting me to talk to me about it and I'm not sure what to tell her apart from it's the right decision imo and it's almost inevitable.
On January 12 2011 04:03 Qzy wrote:
If you just want to do her, then do it, then delete the number.
Easy =).
Not that kind of guy, man -_-
Also I can't cut off all communication because *takes a breath* I work with her. I know from experience that's a pretty bad idea.
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She's a 16 year old girl, stuff like common sense and rationality is not taking up a huge part of her time at the moment.
Just roll with the situation and see where it gets you. If she dumps the previous boyfriend, good for you. If she stays with him or if things become unclear, well, there are other fishes to fry.
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On January 12 2011 04:16 The KY wrote:
Also I can't cut off all communication because *takes a breath* I work with her. I know from experience that's a pretty bad idea.
Stay the fuck away, nothing good can come out of this situation. Entering relationships that are complicated from the start is in the shade zone, doing so with someone you work with is a no-no.
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EPT
