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On January 12 2011 04:47 The KY wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously? Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah. TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it  That's two questions ;o What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care.
If you don't care if it ends well, why are you asking for advice?
I get that you're young and think it's cool to not care about the consequences of your actions, but really?
P.S. If she was dating a 19 year old when she was 13 then she has some daddy issues and you should stay away. There's your advice.
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Here is what you do. Just be there, don't push her away too far, and definitely don't try and get any closer. The current situation reeks of horribleness and immaturity. But be there, be a friend. You can even act like bf/gf/ whatever, but you MUST keep your emotional distance. DON'T GET TOO CLOSE. Let her sort things out. She's 16 for crying aloud, she doesn't understand crap. If she dumps the current loser, then all's well. If she can't separate herself from him even if she seems to want to, then RUN. Nothing good will ever come out of a situation like that.
She needs time. And if you don't have the time, or get emotionally involved too soon, you will be dealing with worlds of crap.
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On January 12 2011 04:53 Whiladan wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:47 The KY wrote:On January 12 2011 04:36 Integra wrote:
She works at the same place as you, her boyfriend might do something crazy if he finds out and she is emotional unstable over the whole situation and you don't know wtf to do so you post about advice from total strangers on a gaming forum???
I have one question: what the hell are you doing, and do you really think this will end well, seriously? Yes, he already knows, yep, and yeah. TL seemed like it was the right place to go because I didn't want to make a huge thing out of it with any of my friends for various reasons so I wanted to have some form of anonymity, I don't talk about this kind of thing with my family, and in my experience TL users are generally pretty awesome. Plus, there's a blog section, thought I'd use it That's two questions ;o What I am doing I'm not 100% sure, do I think it will end well, I don't care. If you don't care if it ends well, why are you asking for advice? I get that you're young and think it's cool to not care about the consequences of your actions, but really? P.S. If she was dating a 19 year old when she was 13 then she has some daddy issues and you should stay away. There's your advice.
Well that's not exactly what I meant. It's not that I, ahem, think it's cool not to care about the consequences of my actions. For the record I'm 20 and not the same age as her, obviously I don't have the experience to have all the answers but I am at the very least well out of puberty. It's more that I am fine with the idea that it might end badly. How many relationships end well? I care about it going well now.
On January 12 2011 04:53 Sm3agol wrote:
Here is what you do. Just be there, don't push her away too far, and definitely don't try and get any closer. The current situation reeks of horribleness and immaturity. But be there, be a friend. You can even act like bf/gf/ whatever, but you MUST keep your emotional distance. DON'T GET TOO CLOSE. Let her sort things out. She's 16 for crying aloud, she doesn't understand crap. If she dumps the current loser, then all's well. If she can't separate herself from him even if she seems to want to, then RUN. Nothing good will ever come out of a situation like that.
She needs time. And if you don't have the time, or get emotionally involved too soon, you will be dealing with worlds of crap.
Makes sense.
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Restore karmic balance for that dude. Get her in bed, give her a minivan and leave.
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Girl sounds like trouble.. and kinda young.. dunno about this one man. There are others out there (=
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On January 12 2011 05:00 Noxie wrote:
Girl sounds like trouble.. and kinda young.. dunno about this one man. There are others out there (=
By all means, direct me to them -_-
She turns 17 next week, ha. Told myself I wouldn't really do anything with her, even officially start going out with her, until after her birthday, just on principle 
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Toot it and Boot it, make her feel stupid!
nah jk, leave her be and never again shall you contact her. Simple as that shes too much of a hassle already and theres other girls out there with better conditions and if i were you an in these positions i would just leave and try to assess other situations
comprende?
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On January 12 2011 04:33 The KY wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2011 04:27 darmousseh wrote:
Does she live with both of her parents? That could explain a lot if she doesn't have a dad in her life. No dad would ever let their 13 year old daughter date a 19 year old guy. Heh, that was exactly my first thought when she told me how long they'd been together, and sure enough I believe her dad lives in another country.
Wow yeah. My brother had a girlfriend like that and she would jump from guy to guy[even dated a guy for 2 years], usually a lot older, she eventually got pregnant. She most likely has a lot of emotional issues related to her dad not being there. This is also part of the reason she feels bad breaking off a relationship since it will mean she will lose a male authority figure in her life. She needs to be distracted for 2-3 years until college. Tell her you can be her friend, but that you can't go out for a while. She really needs to get into something like sports. Usually sports coaches are male and she can get the father figure desire out of her on the field by trying to impress her coach instead of in a relationship.
Whatever happens, she needs to break up with that guy ASAP. He is going to dump her eventually since that's what guys who date younger girls do, so it's best if she breaks it off on her term and you are not involved.
Play more starcraft, the odds of dating your high school sweetheart are less than 1% according to some book i read a few years ago, where as it gets to like 50% in college. Having friends that are girls is good, getting involved in a girl with emotional attachment issues is not.
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I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
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Don't fool yourself into thinking you can "help" her in the sense that she'll get over the other guy and start a clean-slate, trouble-free relationship with you.
Even if she did get over the other guy, that girl's character will not change. Her troubles will plague you as well in some way that is not worthwhile at all.
Do yourself a favor and find someone worth your time.
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+ Show Spoiler +On January 12 2011 05:07 JackMcCoy wrote:
I understand your feelings. I was once like you.
Ah, to be young and in love. I remember that summer in Paris, a swaggering fool and a head flush with vigor and passions. I sat in the shadow of the Sacré-Cœur as Charles Aznavour crooned out of a nearby radio, “Dans son nouveau décor/Montmartre semble triste/Et les lilas sont mort.” Perhaps for him, Montmatre was lost, but to me it was the only place in the world. It was there, sitting outside a small café on the Place du Tertre, when I saw her first. Her hair danced and pulled in the light wind as she surveyed the square, looking for a corner to set up her easel. For 45 minutes I watched her with intense curiosity, trying to pick out every detail and guess its significance. I fell in love with her pouted lips, her sinewy, graceful musculature and her defiant, firebrand eyes. So lost was I in fantasy that I near failed to notice her starting to leave. I started to sweat and panic as my mind and heart raced towards an impossible frenzy. This was my chance, my one and only opportunity to risk my ego, risk my shame and expose my very humanity to attain my desire.
I hurried across the square, arriving at her breathless and dizzy but empowered by the liberating release of caution and care. “Hi, I’m Jack,” I breathed between my desperate suppression of panting, focusing every square inch of mental acuity contained in my brain on keeping calm and steady. “Charlotte,” she replied, smiling with an enchanting shyness as she broke eye contact and blushed. “Charlotte. That’s beautiful. Would you like to go for dinner tonight, Charlotte? I know I’m not from around here, but I know some great places and…” She tilted her head slightly and looked away. “Sorry, I cannot. I’m sorry.” I struggled for something, anything to say to make her change her mind, but instead I simply nodded and shrugged the most cowardly shrug any man has ever pathetically offered. She turned slowly on her heel with a polite smile, and we were so close the tips of her hair flew up and brushed my face to taunt me. “I don’t even know you, but know I will miss you,” I said as she moved away. She took 5 steps before stopping. Her hand shot into her carrier bag and returned with a corner of iridescent paper torn from her sketch pad. She wrote elegantly with a small nub of charcoal and handed me the small leaf with the instructions, “Don’t smudge it,” before she turned and was whisked away into the faceless crowd. I looked down at the writing. “14 rue de cléry. 8 pm. if you are sure.”
I spun around on the spot, light-headed and ecstatic. I wanted to burst with excitement. I thought of reaching out, of grabbing the nearest passing Frenchman and telling him of my wild, magnificent victory. I left the square and headed back to my hotel to change my clothes and prepare myself.
The taxi pulled up outside 14 rue de cléry at 5 minutes to 8. Thankfully, the horrendous traffic and anxiety over being late kept my mind from being too occupied with my self-doubts, my nerves and my oppressive imagination. I stepped out of the cab, tipping the driver handsomely for his deft navigation, and turned towards the cobblestone path that led to the formidable, impressive residence. I rang the doorbell twice before hearing her voice from above. She was calling out the window, “Come in, please. I will be right down.” I entered warily, and found perched on the edge of an expensive-feeling ottoman. I heard delicate footsteps approach, and I turned to greet her when a diminutive, tanned fellow appeared from behind the doorway with a camera crew in tow.
“Why don’t you take a seat over there?” He gestured towards a stool that sat beside a marble countertop bar. I stood, confused, and looked around the room for Charlotte. “Right over there. Just take a seat right over there,” he said, with more conviction in his voice. Nervous and somewhat disoriented, I complied and sat in the stool. “So what are you doing here tonight?” he prodded. “I’m – I’m here to meet someone. She – I think I may be in the wrong house…” He grinned slightly and flicked a glance at the camera before he said it. “Were you coming here to sleep with a 15 year old girl today? Because we have these images…” He pulled some pictures from behind the counter that must have been us, together in the square earlier in the day. I couldn’t be sure as my eyes had lost their ability to focus and my head swirled. I stumbled back off the stool and lurched toward the door. I had little coordination and less idea where I was headed as they called out after me. I burst through the front door and through the waiting arms of the French policeman standing guard. The cobblestone path swept along underneath my feet like a river. I lost my balance and fell to the earth. That’s when the dogs came. I looked up at the gorgeous Paris night sky as the Rottweiler sunk his teeth into my ankle, and I felt the tendon snap. Fucking Montmarte.
Cool story bro! I mean that sincerely.
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If you can't relate to the situation she's in at all, then you have nothing to say other than giving her support in her decisions.
Just reassure her that she needs to do what she wants to do. If she would rather be with you, she stays with you and that's her choice.
Also, by "something stupid," I assume you mean he may try to hurt you or himself.
Question: do you really think she is even in a stable enough state of mind to determine whether or not he would, and how well did they really know each other? Time doesn't tell you that. She could just be scared of him, not necessarily because of who he is, but because you hear stories of abusive and vengeful exes all the time. Although I would agree with anyone when I say it is not a good idea to mess with him, unless he ends up starting something that would put either of you at risk.
If he's going to end up hurting himself, you may be unable to do anything about that, sadly.
You're entering a risky relationship, but you seem intent on keeping it going, so you have to accept that there is the risk this guy is nuts, finds out that you catalyzed the breakup, and may come after you. You also have to deal with the fact she's not going to take the breakup well partly as a result of him not taking it well, even though you just need to reaffirm her original doubts about the relationship that were making her second guess it in the first place so she can realize that it was the better choice. Fear is a powerful thing.
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On January 12 2011 03:56 TossFloss wrote:
Believe me when I say this: This girl's trouble.
Find someone else.
i approve of this message. do NOT get involved with chicks that are tied up and/or indecisive when it comes to dumping the other guy. don;t get fooled by the 'honesty', if it's 'complicated', find someone else
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On January 12 2011 03:52 Integra wrote:
Think about this, If she so easily dumps a guy she ha spent 3 years with how big do you think the chances are that she won't do the same to you?
Normally I would agree with this statement but come on. If a nice and cute girl have EVER dumped a guy, does that mean we shouldn't go after said girl because she could do the same to you?
I say go for it OP, you will probably have fun while it lasts.
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Blunt question- are you looking for a quickie or something else?
If it's a quickie, you're gonna get it and then be shafted by all of her crap that she'll try to unload
If it's a relationship, run the fuck away because she sounds like a loony.
Either way it'll probably be bad, but I guess it's up to you to weigh the benefits of getting laid vs. the crazy. Also, as a guy who's been in a reasonably long distance relationship for about three years, the guys gonna be pissed but probably won't try and kill you. Then again I'm not going out with a girl six years younger than me so I might not fully appreciate this guys insanity.
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Didn't read the posts.
Fuck the brains out of her and don't care.
Leave her.
THEN
Return to SC.
Fuck Yeah.
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On January 12 2011 05:15 RageOverdose wrote:
If you can't relate to the situation she's in at all, then you have nothing to say other than giving her support in her decisions.
Just reassure her that she needs to do what she wants to do. If she would rather be with you, she stays with you and that's her choice.
Also, by "something stupid," I assume you mean he may try to hurt you or himself.
Question: do you really think she is even in a stable enough state of mind to determine whether or not he would, and how well did they really know each other? Time doesn't tell you that. She could just be scared of him, not necessarily because of who he is, but because you hear stories of abusive and vengeful exes all the time. Although I would agree with anyone when I say it is not a good idea to mess with him, unless he ends up starting something that would put either of you at risk.
If he's going to end up hurting himself, you may be unable to do anything about that, sadly.
You're entering a risky relationship, but you seem intent on keeping it going, so you have to accept that there is the risk this guy is nuts, finds out that you catalyzed the breakup, and may come after you. You also have to deal with the fact she's not going to take the breakup well partly as a result of him not taking it well, even though you just need to reaffirm her original doubts about the relationship that were making her second guess it in the first place so she can realize that it was the better choice. Fear is a powerful thing.
That's sort of what I was going with; just reminding her that a long term relationship that young with that age gap was always going to end, probably badly. I'm pretty sure he wasn't an abusive boyfriend, but fuck it he might be crazy. I'm not worried about him 'coming for me', as I said somewhere above I've dealt with angry exes. I swear like 50% of girls have angry exes. Maybe it's me, dunno. But basically I can totally deal with that.
Update, by the way, apparently the guy is at his workplace now which I told her is a good thing because his friends are there and will help him deal. She's totally calm now and has agreed with me that she made the right decision, she's even started talking about other things now, thank god. I fully expect this guy to be pissed at me when he finds out about my involvement, but as above that's fine.
To once again reply to the ones telling me to end it...I hear the rationale and it makes sense but it doesn't chime with my practical experience of the situation. By that I mean when I'm spending time with her or talking to her about this guy I'm not getting a 'holy crap this girl is insane' vibe. I'm not even thinking about that. It's just like spending time with an attractive and sweet girl, oddly enough. Maybe I'm being stupid, I don't know.
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You should leave her alone and let her decide. If she can't dump him and choose you, evidently she isn't that interested. Whats the point of being with her if all she is going to do is regret what she had with the other dude. Man up and keep your nose out of it. In all likelihood this is a bad sign anyway.
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Ok I never wrote something on thread like that, because i am here in TL because of SC obviously, but after reading this i was pretty shocked. The exact same thing happened to me 4 months ago. Only diference was that the girl was little older then 16. I was in front of same question as you are now. What i did? I was just being calm and gave here all time she needed. She eventually broke up with him and start dating me. Sounds like a happy end right? But problem was that her ex-boyfriend came to her and ask her to come back to him in tears. She couldnt handle that and broke up with me. She said that she cant throw away 3 years with him like that. I was really down after that, but now I can say one thing. I will never ever ever ever even consider starting something with girl, who got boyfriend for a long time. Its just my experience, but good luck man and sorry about my poor english...:-)
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On January 12 2011 05:20 Rainmaker5 wrote:
Blunt question- are you looking for a quickie or something else?
If it's a quickie, you're gonna get it and then be shafted by all of her crap that she'll try to unload
If it's a relationship, run the fuck away because she sounds like a loony.
Either way it'll probably be bad, but I guess it's up to you to weigh the benefits of getting laid vs. the crazy. Also, as a guy who's been in a reasonably long distance relationship for about three years, the guys gonna be pissed but probably won't try and kill you. Then again I'm not going out with a girl six years younger than me so I might not fully appreciate this guys insanity.
What I expect it to be is a relatively short term relationship. For all I know it could go really great and end up being more but that is not my feeling.
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EPT
