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Of course my first blog post would be a girl advice blog, but that seems to be a popular blog topic, so why the hell not.
In high school there was a girl who I ended up talking with a lot towards the beginning of senior year. We both really liked each other, but since we were both horribly awkward and bad at communicating I was too oblivious to notice that she liked me and she was too shy to ask me out. We finally started going out right before prom, and were in a relationship the summer of senior year before college.
Unfortunately, we were going to schools a thousand miles away. Even though the relationship was going really well, we both decided that a long distance relationship in college was a bad idea. We ended up breaking up on practically the last day of summer break, then went off to college.
Anyway, first semester freshman year we hardly talked to each other. We talked maybe twice on fb chat about nothing. Things between us were awkward, and I was trying to move on with my life.
Over Christmas break a mutual friend had a birthday party, so we finally saw each other again (we actually saw each other on thanksgiving too but it was a different situation and not really relevant). Basically, we were suddenly super-close again. We spent 5 hours straight with her in my lap talking, filling in what had happened in our lives over the past ~5 months. We ended up sleeping together (not sex sleeping together, but spending the night at the friend's house sharing a bed).
So the next morning rolls around, and when I get back to my house I come to my senses and wonder wtf that was all about. I'm totally clueless about relationships/interacting with people, so I decide to be straight with her and ask what our relationship status is anyway. She says we are not together. She really likes me, but having this relationship just won't work.
At the time, I felt this was a pretty reasonable assessment. After all, we had hardly talked in months, which seemed to confirm my suspicion that without seeing each other every day in school, our bad communication would doom any possible relationship.
To my suprise, we actually communicated a lot more after that. She got skype, and we talk about once every two weeks. We've seen each other every break, and our interactions are basically dates among people who are not going out. We are also about as affectionate as two people who are not in a relationship can be.
By now I'm midway through my sophomore year of college. I have not found any girls I like nearly as much as her. She has also had no new boyfriends (at least, none that she has mentioned and I'm sure if she found someone she would mention that). I saw her a week ago over thanksgiving break and it really reminded me (as usual when we interact) of how well we get along and how strong our connection is.
Edit -- no she has not had sex with anyone at college.
With Christmas break coming up, I'm undoubtedly going to see her again and I'm trying to figure out if I want to try to restart this relationship. So, a bunch of questions:
1. Does she like me romantically, or am I just a really close friend at this point?
2. If I am friendzoned, how bad of an idea is it to talk to her about a relationship?
3. Should I even ask her out, or just try to move on?
4. How bad of an idea are long distance relationships?
5. If one is trying a long distance relationship, any useful advice?
I realize asking strangers on the internet this is a little silly, but I'm indecisive and clueless, so I feel asking can't possibly hurt :p
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Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
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lol.
your only chance in dealing with this girl romantically, in a sense, is to hit it and quit it.
she doesn't seem very bright, and seeems too stubborn to vary her senses.
so far, you've slept in a bed together, which is in no way vague at all of how she feels about you.
but there could be details that you didn't mention (which seems plausible and linear with the story, and the absurdity; her intimacy in sleeping with you), so i can't give much.
On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
that seems a little too bold, dont you think?
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On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
Seconded
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On December 03 2010 14:07 DyEnasTy wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering Seconded
Thirded
If you did nothing sexual while in bed with her, you're in the friend zone.
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On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
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On December 03 2010 14:14 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
Why does knowing girl's have sex with men piss you off? You want them to have sex with you but for some reason if someother guy has been there before you with the same damn intentions its suddenly terrible. You're only getting what you expect to get. Unless you're getting in there freshman year, expect them to have had sex already, because guess what? In today's society, not a big deal.
Fourthed? the notion of friend zone. No balls to step up when she puts herself there, you're a friend.
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Seriously, I don't think long distance is worth it. It's gonna grate on you until you close it, and it's a lot of your life time to spend waiting. I'm sure there are lots of shy nerdy girls on your campus, or whatever type of women you're into, you just have to find them.
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On December 03 2010 14:14 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
Let me introduce you to the average college girl, especially one who's already shown interest in sharing a bed.
;o
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I should probably edit the OP, but oh well.
I am 99%+ sure she is a virgin. I would be beyond shocked if she's had sex with anyone.
About not doing anything with her over Christmas break: I guess it might be worth mentioning that we were both utterly exhausted and basically both collapsed into bed. That said, I think that the posters are generally right that that is definitely not a positive sign that she is interested in me. :/
I guess a question I should be asking is: If I am friend zoned, how horrendous are the consequences of trying to get un-friend zoned?
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Non-virgin only means she is experienced, therefore better sex.
Why are all men obsessed with being the "1st". Just means you're getting awkward inexperienced sex partner. I for one prefer a woman that knows what she is doing.
Not that I would turn down a virgin obviously.
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you didnt even have sex with her senior year of high school? you arent making your intentions clear to her. get her drunk at a party over new years and make it clear the entire time that you want to stick it in her butt.
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On December 03 2010 14:48 zenMaster wrote:
Non-virgin only means she is experienced, therefore better sex.
Why are all men obsessed with being the "1st". Just means you're getting awkward inexperienced sex partner. I for one prefer a woman that knows what she is doing.
Not that I would turn down a virgin obviously.
I have. It was just too akward.....
OP - talk to her? Seriously, problems with communication skills are always the recurring theme in these "girl advice" blogs.....
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Please don't look too much into this girl! It's unlikely she still likes you that way, it's clear she doesn't want a relationship, and even then, long distance has very high chance of failing.
Instead of thinking of what could have been, just carry on with your life. I'm being brutally honest and you might get defensive, but trust me, this is what you must do!
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On December 03 2010 14:54 wxwx wrote:
Please don't look too much into this girl! It's unlikely she still likes you that way, it's clear she doesn't want a relationship, and even then, long distance has very high chance of failing.
Instead of thinking of what could have been, just carry on with your life. I'm being brutally honest and you might get defensive, but trust me, this is what you must do!
I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with this guy. Unless she specifically brings up wanting to start something with you I would leave it alone. You may not have found a girl you like as much as her yet, but it'll come around sooner or later.
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Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know.
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Regardless of anything that's happened between you, a long distance relationship with someone you have no plans to live near in the next few years is going to fail.
Don't idolize her. Find someone at your school to date.
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On December 03 2010 15:14 Thoreezhea wrote:
Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know.
Intrigue?
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On December 03 2010 15:37 n.DieJokes wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 15:14 Thoreezhea wrote:
Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know. Intrigue?
No way. No.. way.
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The same Intrigue that opened the SFW picture thread??
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On December 03 2010 16:04 KezseN wrote:
The same Intrigue that opened the SFW picture thread??
LOL you must be newish here 
Yeah, it's the same mod. Afaik, intrigue's a boy, but people just like to crack jokes about him being a girl lolol
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a woman sat on your lap and you did nothing.
>.< friend zoned but make a move anyway, preferably when she has some liquor in her (less inhibitions)
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On December 03 2010 14:48 zenMaster wrote:
Non-virgin only means she is experienced, therefore better sex.
Why are all men obsessed with being the "1st". Just means you're getting awkward inexperienced sex partner. I for one prefer a woman that knows what she is doing.
Not that I would turn down a virgin obviously.
the concept of corrupting a young girl and turning her into a nympho is the appeal of the virgin.
realistically, id rather have a slut any time. unless the virgin is on the pill and therefore woo no condom. always condom with slut 
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
definitely not friend zoned
but if you really want her you gotta boldly commit and take it by the reins
you might fail, but w/e
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hi, just want to clear up a myth about the whole "friend zone" thing. it's really just a nice way to say "sorry, you're too ugly/fat/socially awkward for me to date". if you dated this girl in the past, you are definitely not.
and yes, i am a girl.
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a, Move on
b, than ask here out
c, ??????
d, profit
I think you cant lost anything you are really good friends so why not go out together and see what happens. in worst case you will stay as good friends in better case you will be together. and if 100 km count as long distance relation ship, Yes it works have no idea about 1k km relation ship but it will be hard i think.
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Yeah, what Kimmay said. "You slept in the same bed but didn't have sex, that means friend zone" is just really, really dumb. Some relationships go slow, some don't. But you don't lose out by taking things slow, you lose out by offering nothing that wouldn't also be given to a friend.
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if you guys were living closer together, you would prolly still be together, but since its such a long distance relationship, you're denying the fact that you and her still isnt able to move on. unfortunately, if you want to get over her, you might limit your time with her even more, get out of your dorm, go meet some new people, new contacts may lead to a new future gf.
as it is now, ill bet you guys will start a relationship again when its possible, like: finisihng your grade, moving closer to her or vice versa
best of luck to you mate!
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almost 5 hours and still no baller post...
on a serious note, in my opinion: if you haven't find another girl you like nearly as much.. go for
it. long distance or not (I haven't "really" done long distance so I can't tell you how horrible it is whilst actually knowing what I'm talking about)
gl
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just because she didnt sleep with u or didnt make a move doesnt mean she doesnt still like your company anymore. its interesting how most people here on tl and especially in the numerous girl problem blogs adhere to certain notions about relationships between men and women. my guess is that a lot of the bloggers and posters are of a younger age (hell when i was 16-19 i would do the same thing on, on other forums tho) for most of you it seems there are no shades of grey in between being with one person and not being with him/her.
remember that both of you used to be very close (in fact as close as it might get i imagine) and therefore shared a special bond and affection towards each other that isnt simply undone by both of you separating and moving to places thousand of miles apart. especially given the fact that your breakup was so clean and mutual and happened out of reason rather than some other....uh...reason( meaning none of the usual stuff like: weve grown apart, i found a new person and so on). so its only natural for her/you to still have feelings towards each other. when i think of my former girlfriends it is always on a positive note and in fact i miss some of them, even tho its been many years since we broke up. im still in contact with some of them but he majority i have no contact to whatsoever. still im very fond of them.
ok turning to your questions which you opened up to the TL community and their vast experience with girls :-P :
not to sound like an ass ( really do apologize if i do ) but judging from the questions and the whole way you went on about the whole thing (like her not having slept with some other guy) i imagine you to be maybe 19-20ish? and she was probably your first girlfriend? plus youre not exactly a ladykiller? which doesnt say anythign bad about you but youre probably not one who really goes on a prowl on saturday nights but are rather just a normal guy? which is all fine and dandy. in my opinion tho guys like this tend to glorify relationships maybe due to the lack of experience and the lingering remains of puberty. its really how you approach relationships between men and women in the first place. what the night she spent with you was about? well the way i see it she still likes you a lot and was of course happy to spend time with you ( probably all cuddled up together amitite ?:-D ) and maybe you could ask her to commit and get back together again. but do you want that ? remember the reason you broke up in the first place. youre probably putting more into this than there actually is. if she says you two are not in a relationship then thats just the way it is. just because youre suddenly very close again doesnt mean shes intent on getting back together.
what it all boils down to is that you spent a night together in which both of you felt comfortable enough to cuddle a little bit and reminisce about old times, probably taking your memories back to times when things were simpler and you were together. im sure both of you were very fond of that time. in addition she might have just felt the need for a little closure and you are someone she trusts and has good experience with. so dont beat yourself up over it, just take it for what it was and get on with your life and maybe find another gal if u feel the need to.
*add* : i knwo things in the states are a little different especially due to the fact that shes so far away but nothings holding you back from maybe repeating the experience of having her sleep with you ( i mean it the way you meant it) and sharing some intimate time again. if youre still good friends and trust each other enouhg to repeat this then go ahead and do it. if you like spending time with her and are ready to accept the fact that relationship/ dating doesnt mean you have to be a picture-perfect couple with all the stuff that comes along with it ( exclusivity, sex and so on) then by all means tell her youd be happy if she came and visited you again.
haha on a side note this makes me wonder how the ex-girlfriends i still talk to felt about me still keeping in touch with them :-P
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White, possibly gay
also, she has definitely slept around. it's college. Every girl's a virgin until she's they've drunkenly slept over your place.
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On December 03 2010 13:58 triangle wrote:
So the next morning rolls around, and when I get back to my house I come to my senses and wonder wtf that was all about. I'm totally clueless about relationships/interacting with people, so I decide to be straight with her and ask what our relationship status is anyway. She says we are not together. She really likes me, but having this relationship just won't work.
At the time, I felt this was a pretty reasonable assessment. After all, we had hardly talked in months, which seemed to confirm my suspicion that without seeing each other every day in school, our bad communication would doom any possible relationship.
This was your mistake, I think. Like Rekrul says, you gotta take the reins on this one. Girls love a guy with passion and conviction -- qualities of a leader. So you gotta assess the situation well, find the right spot and time to tell her how you feel and where you want the relationship to go. Asking her what your relationship status shows uncertainty, indecision, not knowing what you want... girls want commitment man! So either you go all in or you don't =P
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It must be fucking awful being a woman and being completely unable to have a friendship with a guy without them secretly wanting to fuck you. At least, that's what reading TeamLiquid blogs section would have you believe.
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Follow your heart!
If you want to chase this girl, make a long distance relationship work, go into it full-hearted, no half assing. If she really does like you she would want to be with you, and long distance can work. It works all the time, if both people are committed enough. Be confident, tell her what you want. Otherwise, it's perpetual, awkward, we-could've-tried-but-chose-not-to friend zone.
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lmao why is everyone here so focused on the "had sex / is virgin" argument?
More important part is whether he has a chance of a real relationship with the girl or not.
On December 04 2010 01:49 faction123 wrote:
It must be fucking awful being a woman and being completely unable to have a friendship with a guy without them secretly wanting to fuck you. At least, that's what reading TeamLiquid blogs section would have you believe.
lolololol
ANYWAYS
Based on my first impression of the situation, yes I think you have a decent chance at getting into a committed, long-distance relationship with the girl. Regular communication over skype/phone and meeting in-person every month or two, I have a couple friends who are doing this and have been doing this for the past few years. It all depends how dedicated the couple is to each other (and how much mutual trust there is) but it's definitely possible.
Good luck!
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Yeah, you have a very good shot at this.
You need to make a grand gesture because seeing how you're socially awkward by your own statement there's no way of making her think "wow, he's really changed" unless you make it grand. Find out something she feels strongly about, like maybe animal rights, and go for it. Free some ferrets or join Whale Wars and make a heartfelt statement about her on TV.
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On December 04 2010 04:43 Thrill wrote:
Yeah, you have a very good shot at this.
You need to make a grand gesture because seeing how you're socially awkward by your own statement there's no way of making her think "wow, he's really changed" unless you make it grand. Find out something she feels strongly about, like maybe animal rights, and go for it. Free some ferrets or join Whale Wars and make a heartfelt statement about her on TV.
Or you could, you know, ask her out.
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On December 04 2010 01:49 faction123 wrote:
It must be fucking awful being a woman and being completely unable to have a friendship with a guy without them secretly wanting to fuck you. At least, that's what reading TeamLiquid blogs section would have you believe.
this. and people wonder why i have no friends.
back on topic, it sounds like she's as unsure as you are. she likes you, but knows long distance relationships are hard work. just talk to her, and tell her you want to try. either she says yes and you'll be dating again, or she says no and you're not much worse off than if you hadn't talked.
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On December 03 2010 18:47 onlinerobbe wrote:
almost 5 hours and still no baller post...
on a serious note, in my opinion: if you haven't find another girl you like nearly as much.. go for
it. long distance or not (I haven't "really" done long distance so I can't tell you how horrible it is whilst actually knowing what I'm talking about)
gl
check the ban thread
+ Show Spoiler +
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i have close female friends too
they don't sit in my lap for 5 hours though
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On December 04 2010 05:27 Kyuukyuu wrote:
i have close female friends too
they don't sit in my lap for 5 hours though
Yeah, I think that's a big thing here. Obviously she feels something towards the OP.
I think it's a situation of basically they're friends, but they want to be more than friends, but the distance would kill the relationship, but both she and he are mature enough to not get into a relationship destined to fail.
:\
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LDR's only work if you are together more than not, OR, failing that have concrete plans where you'll actually be able to be together, like live together etc in the not toooo distant future.
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You're already together. Like, maybe not with the whole boyfriend girlfriend title or making out or any of that, but really now. You've both shown how close you are when together, and you talk to each other regularly enough on skype to the point where it's no longer that just-when-at-home thing. You're probably the only guy she has actual interest in, just like she is for you. The way you two interact, there's no room for interest in other people to develop. As long as you keep talking to her as you do and meeting up over breaks, the feelings won't subside.
How I see it, you can either push the relationship forward, stay where you're at, or withdraw. Given your situation, all of those would suck. u lose haaaaaa
Oh and if she's ever had anything else going on, it's probably either been in the period of time from when she first got to school to that Christmas break, or during a ~3.5 week or longer gap in skype calls. not that it should matter much
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I met my would be wife just before leaving for college, but didn't pursue to avoid a long distance relationship, even though we really liked each other. This resulted in her giving up on me and dating another guy for over a year while I fell for her anyway, as we had become good friends.
Anyway, she dropped the other guy, and I knew better this time. We were long distance for the 1st 6 months and for another 6 months right after we got engaged, long distance relationships aren't too easy, but with a good friend you can talk too, they can work out great.
Also, to many people in this thread, not all girls(or guys) are having sex just because they are in college, or dating, many people still wait fir marriage, or at least a comitted relationship.
My point is that if you guys work and talk well together, all that good stuff, go for it.
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EPT
