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Of course my first blog post would be a girl advice blog, but that seems to be a popular blog topic, so why the hell not.
In high school there was a girl who I ended up talking with a lot towards the beginning of senior year. We both really liked each other, but since we were both horribly awkward and bad at communicating I was too oblivious to notice that she liked me and she was too shy to ask me out. We finally started going out right before prom, and were in a relationship the summer of senior year before college.
Unfortunately, we were going to schools a thousand miles away. Even though the relationship was going really well, we both decided that a long distance relationship in college was a bad idea. We ended up breaking up on practically the last day of summer break, then went off to college.
Anyway, first semester freshman year we hardly talked to each other. We talked maybe twice on fb chat about nothing. Things between us were awkward, and I was trying to move on with my life.
Over Christmas break a mutual friend had a birthday party, so we finally saw each other again (we actually saw each other on thanksgiving too but it was a different situation and not really relevant). Basically, we were suddenly super-close again. We spent 5 hours straight with her in my lap talking, filling in what had happened in our lives over the past ~5 months. We ended up sleeping together (not sex sleeping together, but spending the night at the friend's house sharing a bed).
So the next morning rolls around, and when I get back to my house I come to my senses and wonder wtf that was all about. I'm totally clueless about relationships/interacting with people, so I decide to be straight with her and ask what our relationship status is anyway. She says we are not together. She really likes me, but having this relationship just won't work.
At the time, I felt this was a pretty reasonable assessment. After all, we had hardly talked in months, which seemed to confirm my suspicion that without seeing each other every day in school, our bad communication would doom any possible relationship.
To my suprise, we actually communicated a lot more after that. She got skype, and we talk about once every two weeks. We've seen each other every break, and our interactions are basically dates among people who are not going out. We are also about as affectionate as two people who are not in a relationship can be.
By now I'm midway through my sophomore year of college. I have not found any girls I like nearly as much as her. She has also had no new boyfriends (at least, none that she has mentioned and I'm sure if she found someone she would mention that). I saw her a week ago over thanksgiving break and it really reminded me (as usual when we interact) of how well we get along and how strong our connection is.
Edit -- no she has not had sex with anyone at college.
With Christmas break coming up, I'm undoubtedly going to see her again and I'm trying to figure out if I want to try to restart this relationship. So, a bunch of questions:
1. Does she like me romantically, or am I just a really close friend at this point?
2. If I am friendzoned, how bad of an idea is it to talk to her about a relationship?
3. Should I even ask her out, or just try to move on?
4. How bad of an idea are long distance relationships?
5. If one is trying a long distance relationship, any useful advice?
I realize asking strangers on the internet this is a little silly, but I'm indecisive and clueless, so I feel asking can't possibly hurt :p
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Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
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lol.
your only chance in dealing with this girl romantically, in a sense, is to hit it and quit it.
she doesn't seem very bright, and seeems too stubborn to vary her senses.
so far, you've slept in a bed together, which is in no way vague at all of how she feels about you.
but there could be details that you didn't mention (which seems plausible and linear with the story, and the absurdity; her intimacy in sleeping with you), so i can't give much.
On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
that seems a little too bold, dont you think?
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On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
Seconded
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On December 03 2010 14:07 DyEnasTy wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering Seconded
Thirded
If you did nothing sexual while in bed with her, you're in the friend zone.
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On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering
why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
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On December 03 2010 14:14 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
Why does knowing girl's have sex with men piss you off? You want them to have sex with you but for some reason if someother guy has been there before you with the same damn intentions its suddenly terrible. You're only getting what you expect to get. Unless you're getting in there freshman year, expect them to have had sex already, because guess what? In today's society, not a big deal.
Fourthed? the notion of friend zone. No balls to step up when she puts herself there, you're a friend.
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Seriously, I don't think long distance is worth it. It's gonna grate on you until you close it, and it's a lot of your life time to spend waiting. I'm sure there are lots of shy nerdy girls on your campus, or whatever type of women you're into, you just have to find them.
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On December 03 2010 14:14 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 14:05 paper wrote:
Keep your options open, don't pursue, keep expectations low, long-distance relationships usually (read: always) fail, etc.
gl
edit: she's had sex with someone else if you're wondering why has every girl had sex before? sometimes....it makes me want to go jack the ripper on this place
Let me introduce you to the average college girl, especially one who's already shown interest in sharing a bed.
;o
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I should probably edit the OP, but oh well.
I am 99%+ sure she is a virgin. I would be beyond shocked if she's had sex with anyone.
About not doing anything with her over Christmas break: I guess it might be worth mentioning that we were both utterly exhausted and basically both collapsed into bed. That said, I think that the posters are generally right that that is definitely not a positive sign that she is interested in me. :/
I guess a question I should be asking is: If I am friend zoned, how horrendous are the consequences of trying to get un-friend zoned?
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Non-virgin only means she is experienced, therefore better sex.
Why are all men obsessed with being the "1st". Just means you're getting awkward inexperienced sex partner. I for one prefer a woman that knows what she is doing.
Not that I would turn down a virgin obviously.
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you didnt even have sex with her senior year of high school? you arent making your intentions clear to her. get her drunk at a party over new years and make it clear the entire time that you want to stick it in her butt.
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On December 03 2010 14:48 zenMaster wrote:
Non-virgin only means she is experienced, therefore better sex.
Why are all men obsessed with being the "1st". Just means you're getting awkward inexperienced sex partner. I for one prefer a woman that knows what she is doing.
Not that I would turn down a virgin obviously.
I have. It was just too akward.....
OP - talk to her? Seriously, problems with communication skills are always the recurring theme in these "girl advice" blogs.....
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Please don't look too much into this girl! It's unlikely she still likes you that way, it's clear she doesn't want a relationship, and even then, long distance has very high chance of failing.
Instead of thinking of what could have been, just carry on with your life. I'm being brutally honest and you might get defensive, but trust me, this is what you must do!
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On December 03 2010 14:54 wxwx wrote:
Please don't look too much into this girl! It's unlikely she still likes you that way, it's clear she doesn't want a relationship, and even then, long distance has very high chance of failing.
Instead of thinking of what could have been, just carry on with your life. I'm being brutally honest and you might get defensive, but trust me, this is what you must do!
I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with this guy. Unless she specifically brings up wanting to start something with you I would leave it alone. You may not have found a girl you like as much as her yet, but it'll come around sooner or later.
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Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know.
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Regardless of anything that's happened between you, a long distance relationship with someone you have no plans to live near in the next few years is going to fail.
Don't idolize her. Find someone at your school to date.
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On December 03 2010 15:14 Thoreezhea wrote:
Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know.
Intrigue?
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On December 03 2010 15:37 n.DieJokes wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2010 15:14 Thoreezhea wrote:
Are there many/any girls on TL? specifically... girl mods? sorry guys, I gotta know. Intrigue?
No way. No.. way.
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The same Intrigue that opened the SFW picture thread??
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EPT
