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This is sort of supposed to be ridiculous, funny, nonsense, and non-serious, although it is 100% true. It's kinda long so I'm sure you'll figure out pretty quick if you'll enjoy it or not. Also I swear a lot and the subject matter is sex and boobies so it's probably not safe for work. There aren't any dirty pictures though, so eh... I don't know, use discretion.
So next weekend I'm going to visit my friend jowls from high school in baltimore next friday. I call him jowls cause a) we were fat in high school and he had jowls b) he had the same name as like 10 of my friends so they alll got nicknames and his was jowls. He's helping put on a show with the baltimore rock opera society and is the stage director or acting director or something i dont fucking know i wasnt really listening. It should be... uh... interesting... to say the least. Why is this important? There will obviously (i assume) be a crazy party afterwards with drugs and sluts.
I love theater girls. I like all types of girls, but theater girls hold a special place in my heart. They're easy, usually somewhat fit, dress slutty, and will do anything. I can tell a theater girl I want to stick it in her butt and she'll laugh. So this trip will mean I'm getting at least 5 girls naked (a conservative estimate) over the weekend.
I've been trying to prepare physically for the ladies by exercising and lifting weights and shit, but with the witcher 2 and terraria coming out, rainy weather, and my dad being bored and stopping by, I haven't put in as much time as I'd wanted to. I did get some awesome chili from my dad though. ^_^ Plus I don't have much motivation because fitness seems so abstract to me. It's not like starcraft where its like, practice macro, stomp noobs next random ladder game. There's no real tangible, quick result to it. I'd like to get to the point where its like talk to girl, randomly take my shirt off, gg, but I don't have the motivation to do that. I'd post some pictures but we all know there are no girls on TL so what would be the point of that. Besides this is sort of written as like me to the dudes, so shirtless pictures would sorta change the tone in a bad direction, if you know what I mean.
I like shy girls too. It seems like I get direct results by focusing my attention on them, like I mean that I can tell if i'm getting somewhere. I like to know where i stand quickly so i know how to change my build. (hey its a starcraft forum i can talk about sexing girls like its a build order) With a shy girl they don't have all that much experience with boys, so its easier in general, just like cannon rushing a bronze leaguer.
I don't like challenges when I'm dealing with girls. With starcraft I'd rather play a game I might not win to test myself and see where I stand, because I actually have some kind of understanding of starcraft and some measure of skill. With girls I want it as easy as possible. Ideally a conversation with a girl would be like, "hey, youre really cute, want to go get naked asaply?" "OKAY  " (this is pretty close to most of my actual openings with girls btw lol). I don't understand girls and therefore I don't want any kind of challenge. I just tell them what my intentions are and hope they go for it. I also don't understand fitness, which is why i'm bad at that too.
Some people don't understand the difference between meeting girls for fun and girls for marrying. There's a huge difference. I'm not going to meet a girl I'd marry on my trip. This is because to marry a girl she'd have to have a list of features which i will now provide in bullet point list form for you.
pretty face, beautiful eyes, lips etc. dont care about ur nose as long as it isnt totally awful
laughs at all my stupid comments and/or jokes
super awesome butt, so she has to like go running or do squats or something lol
isnt very serious, so she wont mind that i have no ambition and spend 16 hrs a day doing zip
amazing in bed
smart and interesting, maybe a writer or an artist or something
Here's the list of features for someone id fuck for fun:
willing to have sex with me
Notice how list #2 is much smaller than list #1. I'll have sex with pretty much anyone who isn't diseased and asks me nicely enough, boys included (oh snap yeah i went there). Don't really think that matters all that much, if you got this far and decided you didn't like me here, theres probably something strange going on. Some people have really odd ideas about that sort of thing, (they're probably all wrong), you're probably not good looking enough to have to worry about them... but that's a story for another time.
My gameplan with girls at social gatherings is pretty simple. I let them know I'm interested in seeing them naked. Then I talk about sex with them and make silly comments. Optional: make sure they're drinking (the more the better lolol). I avoid mentioning what I do for a living, starcraft, and video games, because no girl who wants to have sex with me is going to want to hear about how im about to cannon her ramp.
So yeah... those are my random thoughts on boobies. I know I probably missed a few details that will make this whole thing make sense, so feel free to ask. I coulda swore I had more things to write about but if I did they're escaping me. I'll close with some sagely advice and comments for my young nerds who want to get with the ladies but haven't figure the whole thing out yet.
Put some effort into looking nice. Girls won't care what the fuck you are interested in or how good your micro is, if you look good none of that matters. Its not that girls dont like nerds, they just dont like ugly people lol. So put some effort in.
Make your intentions clear right when you meet a girl. You don't have to be rude like me and be like DAMN BITCH I WANT SOME OF DEM TITTAYS, but you do need to let her know you wanna get her naked. Think of family tv shows, they don't ever say the dirty words, but you know what they're talking about. You can be polite and nice and still let a girl know you want to hump her. You hear girl blogs about people screwing this one up all the time.
That's about it so... yeah. Hope you enjoyed this random look inside my head. I'm sure theres one person who went YEAH THIS WAS GREAT I LOVED IT. Well thanks dude, I wrote this for you. Also if there's anyone cool, female, or otherwise in baltimore that maybe wants to do something saturday 28th afternoon with a random stranger from the internet, pm me or let me know in thread or something and maybe you can have a beer with me and jowls and talk about starcraft and video games and shit, i'll buy you a beer if you're over 21. I don't know what I'm actually doing or what my friend has planned if anything so none of it is concrete aside from my plane ticket. Or you could go see the opening show friday night, im sure there will be lots of blood and random songs about dicks and stuff.
 
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Lol, if this wasn't serious you sure put a lot of effort into it.
As a woman, I find it not at all offensive, just cause you're so straight forward about it. Good for you. Totally not my style at all, but if you know what you want, and you're getting it, I guess you're happy enough lolol. Post made me laugh, but don't really have any other comments. GL I guess?
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On May 19 2011 19:02 RedJustice wrote:
Lol, if this wasn't serious you sure put a lot of effort into it.
As a woman, I find it not at all offensive, just cause you're so straight forward about it. Good for you. Totally not my style at all, but if you know what you want, and you're getting it, I guess you're happy enough lolol. Post made me laugh, but don't really have any other comments. GL I guess?
I meant "serious" more in the important, grave, solemn... well... serious way more than the sincere and thoughtful way. Some people have a fear of being ridiculous. I am not one of those people.
As far as my "style" and whether or not you'd fuck me, here are some random thoughts in no particular order, Firstly, if I were trying to sex you I wouldn't have you read this blog for sure lol. I definitely wasn't trying to seduce the reader. Secondly, I don't know what you look like, and you don't know what I look like (I assume), which is really more important than "style" as we're referring to it. I'm sure it wouldnt be all that hard to find out what I look like if you wanted to, and I'm sure there are some pictures of a less than dressed me somewhere. And also if i were trying to sex you I wouldn't have you read this blog for sure lol.
also fuuuuuuuuuuck where are the bullets for the list i guess i fucked that up hardcore huh
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your blog made me smile. I usually try to apply your "style" (super straight forward), but only succeed in doing so once out of 4 times or so (not to mention the success rate of said "style" )
Most of the times, I am very comfortable with the direct approach in 1v1. Much less in X vs Y, X,Y>1.
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On May 19 2011 17:53 Ghin wrote:
I've been trying to prepare physically for the ladies by exercising and lifting weights and shit, but with the witcher 2 and terraria coming out, rainy weather, and my dad being bored and stopping by, I haven't put in as much time as I'd wanted to. I did get some awesome chili from my dad though. ^_^ Plus I don't have much motivation because fitness seems so abstract to me. It's not like starcraft where its like, practice macro, stomp noobs next random ladder game. There's no real tangible, quick result to it. I'd like to get to the point where its like talk to girl, randomly take my shirt off, gg, but I don't have the motivation to do that. I'd post some pictures but we all know there are no girls on TL so what would be the point of that. Besides this is sort of written as like me to the dudes, so shirtless pictures would sorta change the tone in a bad direction, if you know what I mean.
Dude, come over to TLH&F and we'll sort you right out. Fitness should be a kind of goal driven progression, when starting out you can see increases in your fitness on a day to day basis without really putting that much effort in. Sure if you just go to the gym, do random stuff and hope to end up buff it's going to seem extremely abstract, but if you work on a set program you'll see gains from day 1
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=180919¤tpage=282
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On May 19 2011 20:22 Yenticha wrote:your blog made me smile. I usually try to apply your "style" (super straight forward), but only succeed in doing so once out of 4 times or so (not to mention the success rate of said "style" ) Most of the times, I am very comfortable with the direct approach in 1v1. Much less in X vs Y, X,Y>1.
Hey, thats the beauty of it. You find the girls who like you and get through the ones that don't quickly. Obviously not every girl is going to like you. But even if only one in ten like you, how many girls are you going to take home in one night? (well if its more than one you're gonna need some planning, or good micro)
I heard on the daily show (I think, I could be making it up) that 1 in 100 people is a psychopath. I don't care who you are, I think the odds are better than 1 in 100 that a girl you meet is gonna want to fuck you.
oh also I re-read my comment to RedJustice and it sounds a bit more confrontational than I intended, so my apologies.
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On May 19 2011 20:37 nataziel wrote:Show nested quote +On May 19 2011 17:53 Ghin wrote:
I've been trying to prepare physically for the ladies by exercising and lifting weights and shit, but with the witcher 2 and terraria coming out, rainy weather, and my dad being bored and stopping by, I haven't put in as much time as I'd wanted to. I did get some awesome chili from my dad though. ^_^ Plus I don't have much motivation because fitness seems so abstract to me. It's not like starcraft where its like, practice macro, stomp noobs next random ladder game. There's no real tangible, quick result to it. I'd like to get to the point where its like talk to girl, randomly take my shirt off, gg, but I don't have the motivation to do that. I'd post some pictures but we all know there are no girls on TL so what would be the point of that. Besides this is sort of written as like me to the dudes, so shirtless pictures would sorta change the tone in a bad direction, if you know what I mean. Dude, come over to TLH&F and we'll sort you right out. Fitness should be a kind of goal driven progression, when starting out you can see increases in your fitness on a day to day basis without really putting that much effort in. Sure if you just go to the gym, do random stuff and hope to end up buff it's going to seem extremely abstract, but if you work on a set program you'll see gains from day 1 http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=180919¤tpage=282
I really should get some sort of program, but I just lose motivation too quickly. I have no desire to be strong and I can't see any immediate increase in girl sexage, and I don't even go out that much to notice a difference anyway.
aaaaaaaarrrrrgh so lazy.
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Nice effort put in the blog, bought a smile to my face. You have given a general overview here, it's like strategy post advising one to make more sentries and less motherships. But a TRUE girl blog has detailed actual experiences and sample convo, like a post telling you to make 6 sentries to own the ramp.
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Zurich15306 Posts
This blog is in dire need of some JackMcCoy. I don't know what the fuck I just read but I am sure Jack could make it transparent by telling a related story of his own.
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Baltimore is not the best place to pickup chicks in my experience, but if you are down for some artsy chicks I recommend:
a) Brewer´s Art (Its on Charles Street if I remember correctly, google it should pop right up)
b) Any of the bars in Hampden is crawling with Artsy chicks (Try "Rocket to Venus" for extra points)
Good blog, hope this helps.
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On May 19 2011 21:24 cascades wrote:
Nice effort put in the blog, bought a smile to my face. You have given a general overview here, it's like strategy post advising one to make more sentries and less motherships. But a TRUE girl blog has detailed actual experiences and sample convo, like a post telling you to make 6 sentries to own the ramp.
Hmm... I suppose actual stories are something I left out. I plan on writing what happened after my return, but I guess some other stories would be good too. I can't actually remember what I say most of the time, so most of the stories I can think of are about other odd things and not the conversation, and happened during college when I was learning how to talk to girls and still had basically no idea what the fuck I was doing. They'd be embarrasing if I had the capacity to feel shame.
Girls are all different so you just ask them what they like and listen and then if its not too stupid you say that you like it too. If they're artsy you're probably safe in disliking it if its a band or a movie. Being a music snob is a whole other blog and I won't get too deep into that. Basically just hate everything, pick a really deep niche of music to like (preferrably one she hasnt heard of), and pick one mainstream band from 20+ years ago to like "because they're soooooooooooo bad its impossible not to like." I usually pick bon jovi. You should also probably know what music is critically acclaimed, but you can just dislike everything and be safe too. Also talk about sex a lot.
Fuck I guess thats all general shit too... I'll ask whoever's awake and try to think of something and it'll pop up here when I finish.
Although its not like I'm super smooth with the ladies or anything. Maybe I could compare it to being diamond league, since I am a member of that esteemed club consisting of 28% of the starcraft population. It's not like its incredibly difficult if you just put in some effort and do a little research (okay use a little faith here, im sure you can draw some parallels between starcraft research and girl research). Almost everyone wants to have sex, its not all that hard to think maybe you could convince a few people to think its a good idea to have it with you.
On May 19 2011 21:48 Ganjamaster wrote:
Baltimore is not the best place to pickup chicks in my experience, but if you are down for some artsy chicks I recommend:
a) Brewer´s Art (Its on Charles Street if I remember correctly, google it should pop right up)
b) Any of the bars in Hampden is crawling with Artsy chicks (Try "Rocket to Venus" for extra points)
Good blog, hope this helps.
its probably better than where i am in the woods lol
excellent, i was going to be in Hampden before you even said that, so that makes me feel better! and hopefully ill be sloppily hitting on hordes of artsy chicks!
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Most of my experience is with shy or artsy girls. I've had some people travel here after playing wow with them (never had a starcraft chick before, giggidy). Hopefully this will illuminate my style of pretending like i'm a guy on tv and then talking about sex.
Now that I read these stories after putting them down, none of them are really typical, which is why they're stories I've told people.
Most of the time i'll think up some sex act or just tell her what i like about her body and how i want to sex her, "god damn thats a fine ass, i wanna see you naked in my bed on your hands and knees later tonight" (ok thats not all that great, but theres no girl here to talk to so sue me) then I look her right in the eyes and say "haha just kidding" but obviously I'm not and see what she does.
or sometimes its a cheesy, harmless line like "wow what is a cute girl like you doing in a place like this?"
sometimes she'll blush and/or get mad and be like
"ummmm sorry not interested" or "ewwwww gross" or something of that nature and i'm fucked and i go find another girl
...or sometimes she'll giggle and then you know its good.
This first story took place while i was in college, so i obviously have no skillz. but it was the second? time i banged a really hot girl and it turned out pretty well. i was really proud of it at the time, (well i still am, brag brag brag).I usually make this story a lot shorter because most of the conversation and description isn't relevant to the story, and most of it is a lot quicker to say aloud than write or read. Even my dad liked this one, so without further introduction, here it is.
I was taking summer courses and living on campus in the lovely city of Portland, Maine. My summer roommate happened to be a crack dealer (other than that he was a pretty likable guy). His cell phone broke like 1 week into the semester so I'd get all these awful calls asking if my roommate was there. The worst part is that my room phone was so awful everyone would mistake my voice for his and I'd have to explain no.....hes not here.... no im not him...
One night about 8pm, its just starting to get dark outside and I'm playing some super nes, probably earth defense force cause I was wasting time waiting for Bloodsport to come on TNT or one of those basic cable channels (best movie ever by the way). the phone rings and i pause the game and answer. a girls voice, sounds a little drunk and a lot slutty
her: "heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ghin's roommate (obviously this isnt exactly what she said, it happened at least 6 years ago, you're lucky i remember this much lol) what are you doooooooooing? theres a party tonight!"
me: "nope sorry this isnt ghin's roommate"
her: "well, do you want to come to a party right now?
me: "baby, i dont even know you" lol clearrrrrrrrrly im smooth as fuck
her: "awwwww you should cooooooooooome. i'm coming over right now to pick you up!"
so at this point im about to say no and go watch some bloodsport... alone... by myself... and i think to myself... well why not? it could be fun and if it isnt i can just walk home and hopefully not miss chong li throwing sand in jean claude van damme's face. so she says she'll call me when she gets outside and i shower and put some appropriate clothes on.
When I go outside, I see two fiiiiine girls in a red convertible with the top down (sorry i dont know cars) and they start waving TO ME. bouncing around, both at least a c cup, i got my eyes on one of them whose wearing a thin, tight, blueish band shirt and no bra cause i can see her perfect nipples through it. "hey are you mark?" (thats my name in real life in case youre fucking retarded) the other girl spoke, the one I'm looking at smiled."Yeah, thats me," i said."Is one of you lovely ladies Mia?" "yeah thats me!" my eyes go from this gorgeous, nameless girl's tits to her friend who spoke. "this is my friend karen" karen jumped over the door and hugged me, her hard nipples pressed against me."hi im karen!" me:"karen, i think we're going to get along nicely"
so we drive down the street to some fucking shitty apartments where i assume the party is, playing awful girly dance music in the car while im sitting in the back seat behind these girls. nobody is really talking. its less than 2 miles away so i'm good to walk back. I go inside, theres some awful reggae playing at a low enough level to talk over, i see my roommate's friend dave? steve? lol he learned my name but i dont remember his. really skinny guy, hes a weed dealer and hes sitting in a chair with a 12inch plastic bong smoking. there are some other people sitting in plastic patio furniture who are clearly high and waiting for the bong to move over. i can hear people talking and laughing in the kitchen and what i assume are other rooms.
I sit on the couch, theres some dreadlock hippie motherfucker ive never met, probably the owner of the reggae music, sitting on the other side. sweet miss karen tells me to scoot over and and plants her lovely ass down next to me. theres a bunch of people around the room i dont know talking about shit im not interested in, so i turn to her and ask her what she's into
her: "i love to swim, i was on the swim team in school."
me: "thats cool, i hear swimmers are hot in bed"
her: "they are! i. love... the cock!" (i'm trying to think how to accurately write that down lol)
so at this point im thinking a lot of dumb things, mostly like pffffffffffffffffff and whaaaaaaaaaat and oh damn is this going to be that easy? is it really supposed to be that easy? i mean, i havent even done anything yet and already this girls telling me about how much she likes dick.
her: "so are you going to kiss me or what?"
me: "fuck thats kind of quick isnt it? maybe we should go some place quieter?"
thats basically the end of the conversation part. stuff happened, mission accomplished lol
heres another one thats a lot shorter:
There was a girl at work who was terribly awkwardly shy. I don't try to pickup chicks at work (youve heard my strategy, it should be obvious why), but she was cute and fit and just so awkward I kept wondering what it would be like to fuck her. I don't even know how to describe how shy she was. I work in the service industry in the early morning so there isn't much going on, so she would come and try to talk to me and make the most awkward conversation about absolutely nothing. "hey" *10 second awkward pause, she obvious wants to talk to me*"oh hey the weathers nice today" "yeah" *10 second awkward pause*. i wanted to think she liked me but she was so weird there was no telling
so one day she came over for some more awkward conversation and i decided to go for it. I looked her in the eyes "you have a nice body" stared right at her tits, probably a b cup, "do you do any sports?" put my hands on her hips, "ooh wow! your legs are really firm, you must work out" "yeah i'm a runner" groped her hips and a bit of ass "ooooh wow! hey, are you busy after work? you should come over to my house" she gasped out OKAY as i was saying my. lol this is sounding like a porn to me so i'll stop there but i will say she was a virgin and awful in bed and i taught her what to do all summer long.
god damn that took me like 2 hours to write down lol. going over it to do some editing, hopefully those stories are entertaining enough!
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Ghin, I think this is what you're looking for.
Clicky!
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EPT
