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Hello TL, I'm about to share you a story of failure. Thanks internet for the anonymity.
I've met this girl at work, she actually was my partner, sitting right at my side. At the beginning I didn't think she could become someone so important, so I just became a friend of her.
As usual, we all think she is that special one, but let me tell you folks she is indeed that special. How is that? Very uncommon (and kind of bad) social skills, a weird sense of humor, a vegetarian that loves hotdogs, extremely shy but gets mad when she is told that. Yes, a special one... a lovely special one.
I did a first mistake: I stole a kiss from her. That's right. I was walking with her since I assisted carrying some shopping bags after making a recommendation of a notebook, and after a long talk and walk I just kissed her out of nowhere. Then we kissed again but it was kind of forced, she was being submissive about the second one, Big fucking mistake... driven by passion and stupidity. I said stupid things instead of being honest... we were partners after all. I couldn't tell her how I felt.
After that, a good 5 or 4 months passed and we didn't talk about that. We became stronger friends. Like 3 months ago I got fired (the reason they gave me is because it was something we call 'company necessities', basically a way to not have any way of problems, no underperform or something like that), and I tried to keep the same daily-basis contact, very occasional 1 or 2 days disconnect.
I neved told her directly how I felt, another big mistake, but I made it so clear that even she can take the hint. She never rejected me directly, only made up excuses for lots of invitations. Most of them work, since I knew the work, I was OK with that. What I mean, I belive her on that, but I didn't see how time passed during weeks and weeks.
Yesterday I told her I wanted her to come with me to make some christmas shopping, which - after a while - she said "I'm not sure about tomorrow". Told her it was OK if she had another plan and I kind of insisted. Some hours later, this is close to 00:00, she texts me "I want to tell you something"
And then, it hit me.
"I'm dating someone".
GGWP
It was that simple. Since I know her very well, that's not just hanging out or trying. She would only accepts an invitation if she sees a lot of potential in that, probably even she only accepts it just if she feels the same way with a guy. That's what I think at this point.
The interesting part of the story?
It's my friend. The guy she is dating is my friend from the ex job I have. I went to have lunch with all of them less than a week ago and none of them two told me. Why should they tell me? He knew I was 'crazy' for her. And she knew I was trying something with her. Maybe I'm just wrong and these kind of things doesn't happen, but I expected that my friend would at least tell me "I'm dating her" or "I'm going to date her". A friend.
Yesterday I was mad, sad, devastated. I wanted to text everyone at my ex-work and tell them they are dating, I wanted to tell her "well, I guess you don't mind dating a guy that does this to a friend".
My borther was there, calming me, telling me that I just have to let it be. There's going to be more disappointment and more girls.
I was so sad, you feel like the chest and arms are burning, they are heavy, never felt it before. I couldn't sleep so I played a Dota game.... enemy dual mid lane Huskar-SF, 10 minutes abandon and the Weaver and Huskar just didn't want to leave.
So that's it. Now I'm here, early looking for job and writing in TLD, trying to think what's next.
A person I know is not dating a guy that invited her, got rejected, she got with another guy, broke with that guy and now dates this guy. I think it's just not "our" time.
I wanted to be her first date and etc,but it couldn't be.
Should I feel bad if sometimes I wish it doens't work for them? Is it wrong that I feel betrayed? I think no, we're humans, we bleed.
Life lessons?
If you like a girl, a friend, tell her as soon as you can. No matter if she says she likes to take it slowly. You have to tell her.
Don't involve too much feeling. This is a consequence of the first, but if you spend too much of you, the sacrifice could be too much.... like a Huskar getting raped.
TY for reading. What the fuck am I doing?
EDIT
I wanted to add: I talked to her to say that we can still be friends, and that I will wait her. I've decided so cuz I want to keep living with some hope, even if is a small one.
I like her that much. She told me that I'm confused, that there are better girls out there. That she thinks my friend she is dating is also confused... then why giving him the chance and not giving it to me? Mostly probably because I fucked it up.
Now I keep cheking google chat and whatsapp at least every hour, even when I play dota. Kind of pathetic.
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Hmm cultures may be different from where I live. Here's my thoughts.
Personally I'd never start off with a kiss. It looks awesome in movies, but I don't think it is a right move if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Contrary to your opinion, I actually prefer to be close friends first before going to the next step. It kinda makes the foundations of the relationship stronger. Of course there's a subtle difference between being bff and "close friends but are actually dating". The former doesn't involve romance, while the latter has some levels of romantic tensions. You do couple things but you're not in a relationship yet. In mandarin terms, it is called 'ai mei' (暧昧).
Source: currently in a 6 year relationship.
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Hey, I've been on the same girl for around 8 years now and through ups and downs involving similar situations as you've had I still do think she's the one and only.
I can tell you that I think it's normal to wish bad things upon that relationship. It's not nice or even correct, but selfishness drives each person quite differently. In my opinion the biggest feeling is when recognizing where you're actively being avoided and mistrusted; this is because on the other side of the coin someone is receiving all the affections instead of you.
The truth however is that she is not into you the moment she decides to contact and date another person, which seems like it's happening at the same time you're trying to be ever closer to her. If it doesn't click between you and her but it's relatively better between her and someone else, this is what happens. Instead you could be thinking of what your lead-in was which is in other words what you were doing to attract her in the first place. Once you get to know someone well enough and especially if you're certain that you can be good to them in a way that can be reciprocated, it's a matter of execution and being there. That being said, there are many other factors that are in play at the very same time.
All you have to do is keep trying and loving while both of you keep maturing on the side.
At the same time, you must realize the possibility for the lack of good character on the side of the people whom you think are genuinely infallible. Everyone makes tangible and illogical mistakes that might even go beyond their values that you've grown to love and appreciate.
Who knows, it may work out and you both may be able to eventually express each feeling leading up to that point.
I would advise against feeling angry about it because--like your title says--it's deterring. You can share your philosophy of love/relationship by living out your life in that manner, or simply through a post like this. Either way, you're doing it through action and recourse.
There's still a way to play huskar, and you can be strong despite your toolkit being a bit more blunt the later it gets (ie. as you get older). Your team just needs to forgive and work with you though. Maybe your partners are strong for you in your various understood weakpoints, but either way you have a plan and you're not giving up because of one bad teamfight. (ie. your relationship--current or future)
Addendum: as EE does it, you can make art. Sometimes it might not be worth it, or there were better choices (like say a Daedalus, lol). Meaning, you will probably know if she's not the one and you can be making mistakes that you're willingly overlooking.
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I mean, honestly, if you kiss the girl and she doesn't get the hint I'm not sure she liked you back man.
Actually im sure she doesn't like you.
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Anyways hope you find a job ! (and mybe love too)
The interesting part of the story?
It's my friend. The guy she is dating is my friend from the ex job I have. I went to have lunch with all of them less than a week ago and none of them two told me. Why should they tell me? He knew I was 'crazy' for her. And she knew I was trying something with her. Maybe I'm just wrong and these kind of things doesn't happen, but I expected that my friend would at least tell me "I'm dating her" or "I'm going to date her". A friend.
Yesterday I was mad, sad, devastated. I wanted to text everyone at my ex-work and tell them they are dating, I wanted to tell her "well, I guess you don't mind dating a guy that does this to a friend".
My borther was there, calming me, telling me that I just have to let it be. There's going to be more disappointment and more girls.
Yeah i can relate with your sentiments i've experienced this one at least 2-3 times before. Where i first liked the girl and then suddenly the friend i always talk about her suddenly he started dating her lmao.
They never tell, i always felt betrayed and somewhat felt wrong that they didn't tell me they were aiming for her or something since i like her but can't really blame somebody since they are the ones who have mutual feelings and arrangement for each other not me.
So i have literally have no right to complain. And fun fact i'm still friends with all of them haha
but those events that is kinda w/e today and idc about those anymore but i've definitely learned my lesson and i actually hesitate to tell somebody anything anymore and i've definitely tried to immediately whoever with my feelings
On December 23 2015 00:52 DucK- wrote:
Hmm cultures may be different from where I live. Here's my thoughts.
Personally I'd never start off with a kiss. It looks awesome in movies, but I don't think it is a right move if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Contrary to your opinion, I actually prefer to be close friends first before going to the next step. It kinda makes the foundations of the relationship stronger. Of course there's a subtle difference between being bff and "close friends but are actually dating". The former doesn't involve romance, while the latter has some levels of romantic tensions. You do couple things but you're not in a relationship yet. In mandarin terms, it is called 'ai mei' (暧昧).
Source: currently in a 6 year relationship.
Same sentiment. Well for me i could not really ever take mutual romantic interest from a stranger or someone new to my life serously. I just can't take it seriously, i don't see it in a long run since i don't know the person..
I know you can try to get to know her while dating but for me it feels like i'm lying to myself like if the fuse runs out it's over i just run out of interest with the person unless she is my close friend
For some reason
just realized this is a gurlblog
LD now has an official gurlblog
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On December 23 2015 00:52 DucK- wrote:
Hmm cultures may be different from where I live. Here's my thoughts.
Personally I'd never start off with a kiss. It looks awesome in movies, but I don't think it is a right move if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Contrary to your opinion, I actually prefer to be close friends first before going to the next step. It kinda makes the foundations of the relationship stronger. Of course there's a subtle difference between being bff and "close friends but are actually dating". The former doesn't involve romance, while the latter has some levels of romantic tensions. You do couple things but you're not in a relationship yet. In mandarin terms, it is called 'ai mei' (暧昧).
Source: currently in a 6 year relationship.
Yeah I fucked up with that kiss move, I didn't think, I said and did bullshit.
I also like friendship first, I think a romatic relationship is just a next step, that in most cases is not needed.
On December 23 2015 01:36 nanaoei wrote:
Who knows, it may work out and you both may be able to eventually express each feeling leading up to that point.
I would advise against feeling angry about it because--like your title says--it's deterring.
I hope man.
On December 23 2015 02:42 Comeh wrote:
I mean, honestly, if you kiss the girl and she doesn't get the hint I'm not sure she liked you back man.
Actually im sure she doesn't like you.
Sounds fair. She says she thinks I'm confused since I don't know a good number of girls, that there are better options.
On December 23 2015 03:12 goody153 wrote:
Yeah i can relate with your sentiments i've experienced this one at least 2-3 times before. Where i first liked the girl and then suddenly the friend i always talk about her suddenly he started dating her lmao.
Feels bad man
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On December 23 2015 02:42 Comeh wrote:
I mean, honestly, if you kiss the girl and she doesn't get the hint I'm not sure she liked you back man.
Actually im sure she doesn't like you.
What he said. Also, reminder that kissing someone who is obviously uncomfortable with it is a dick move. Ask first next time (if there is one).
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On December 23 2015 00:52 DucK- wrote:
Hmm cultures may be different from where I live. Here's my thoughts.
Personally I'd never start off with a kiss. It looks awesome in movies, but I don't think it is a right move if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Contrary to your opinion, I actually prefer to be close friends first before going to the next step. It kinda makes the foundations of the relationship stronger. Of course there's a subtle difference between being bff and "close friends but are actually dating". The former doesn't involve romance, while the latter has some levels of romantic tensions. You do couple things but you're not in a relationship yet. In mandarin terms, it is called 'ai mei' (暧昧).
Source: currently in a 6 year relationship.
Singapore dating scene T.T
Everyone's quite uptight here.
As long as the lady doesn't feel she's an easy woman with you, then it's basically good to go.
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On December 23 2015 15:06 Sagamantha wrote:Show nested quote +On December 23 2015 02:42 Comeh wrote:
I mean, honestly, if you kiss the girl and she doesn't get the hint I'm not sure she liked you back man.
Actually im sure she doesn't like you. What he said. Also, reminder that kissing someone who is obviously uncomfortable with it is a dick move. Ask first next time (if there is one).
I'm agree. This happens when you don't think. I hope never hurt someone again by being precipitate/hasty.
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I wanted to add: I talked to her to say that we can still be friends, and that I will wait her. I've decided so cuz I want to keep living with some hope, even if is a small one.
I like her that much. She told me that I'm confused, that there are better girls out there. That she thinks my friend she is dating is also confused... then why giving him the chance and not giving it to me? Mostly probably because I fucked it up.
Now I keep cheking google chat and whatsapp at least every hour, even when I play dota. Kind of pathetic.
I'm still friends with everybody i've had romantic interest with. Though my intention is just that i wanna be friends with them just because we've been good friends even before.
Btw i'm not not an expert to this but have you expressed your desire that you want to date her ? i mean you really told her cause most of my experience unless i actually tell them that i like them they didn't assume that i liked them even though it was blatantly obvious lol
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On December 24 2015 01:54 goody153 wrote:
I'm still friends with everybody i've had romantic interest with. Though my intention is just that i wanna be friends with them just because we've been good friends even before.
Btw i'm not not an expert to this but have you expressed your desire that you want to date her ? i mean you really told her cause most of my experience unless i actually tell them that i like them they didn't assume that i liked them even though it was blatantly obvious lol
No I didn't asked a date ... at least in that specific way. It was obvious I wanted and she knew how I felt but it just didn't happen.
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On December 24 2015 01:59 uberxD wrote:Show nested quote +On December 24 2015 01:54 goody153 wrote:
I'm still friends with everybody i've had romantic interest with. Though my intention is just that i wanna be friends with them just because we've been good friends even before.
Btw i'm not not an expert to this but have you expressed your desire that you want to date her ? i mean you really told her cause most of my experience unless i actually tell them that i like them they didn't assume that i liked them even though it was blatantly obvious lol No I didn't asked a date ... at least in that specific way. It was obvious I wanted and she knew how I felt but it just didn't happen.
Ah i see just made sure though you kissed her that should've been a sign you are interested i guess.
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You gotta fuck up to know how to do it right later on, treat this as a positive learning experience. You just have to put yourself out there and meet some new people and keep learning. If you wallow too long in depression and stay at home/play dota all day this will eat you up. Eventually with experience, confidence will come and people can read that. With time you'll find a girl that makes you (mostly) forget about your rejection. GL.
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On December 24 2015 01:59 uberxD wrote:Show nested quote +On December 24 2015 01:54 goody153 wrote:
I'm still friends with everybody i've had romantic interest with. Though my intention is just that i wanna be friends with them just because we've been good friends even before.
Btw i'm not not an expert to this but have you expressed your desire that you want to date her ? i mean you really told her cause most of my experience unless i actually tell them that i like them they didn't assume that i liked them even though it was blatantly obvious lol No I didn't asked a date ... at least in that specific way. It was obvious I wanted and she knew how I felt but it just didn't happen.
Tbh a lot what seems obvious to us just isn't to everyone else. Explains f.e. why nobody told you that she's dating, because people often just don't pay that close attention and see that you want to date her. Happened to me quite a lot when I was in love, that people around me actually were surprised when I talked about that because they didn't notice at all. They only start to notice when it gets really awkward.
The "why him and not me" thing is a fallacy most of the time. People have preferences and sometimes they just don't like that type of guy/girl and instead this guy/girl. Most of the time it's not your "fault" and you can't do anything about it.
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plz stop acting like you're 16 everyone
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EPT
