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Generic College Insecurity Blog (My first blog in 7 months)
I haven't been super active on teamliquid recently, so maybe this is an old meta. However I noticed a recent meta in blogs with a general theme of "OMG IM (15-22) YEARS OF AGE AND I HAVE NO CLUE. OBVIOUSLY RANDOM STRANGERS KNOW ME BETTER THAN ME, SO HALP ME" style blogs, so I'll get on that train.
Firstly I'd like to thank all of you that gave me support in various ways when I was as a whole far less secure about what I wanted to do. Guidance ranged from "suck it up, don't be a bitch" to "jsut do it" to "lol" Now although I'm still not certain I'm more confident in the decisions I make, which I think is a key thing for many of those writing. I think a key limitation of these style of blogs that many don't realize, although seems abundantly clear is only you know you. Sometimes writing the blog itself is the most important thing. Although guidance from the community can be helpful it can just as easily be harmful. Writing ones thoughts and frustrations can be incredibly therapeutic and help one form a complete opinion on a matter. That being said, I'll launch into my ideally cathartic blog.
Right now I'm studying Computer Science at UCSD. Not to say that it's not a great program or a great school academically, both are entirely true. I am not having a great time there for at least some of the following reasons. I'm not entirely sure.
1) The school itself. With the lowest alumni donation rates of almost any UC and a somewhat odd setup UCSD is somewhat un collegesque. And although I"ve never been that spirited there is an appeal to having a cmampus that can unite around athletics. Also the demographics are incredibly asian and introvert. Although there is nothing wrong with this it can be difficult for me to relate to a lot of the people here, especially in the computer science department.
2) Me. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough. Maybe there are things I'm missing. Maybe I'm being too downhearted in general which is preventing me from finding opportunities.
3) The major. I'm a computer science major. My primary interests are probably more legal/rhetorical. That being said, I'm not doing poorly in the program, but I'm not necessarily super interested in the curriculum which is reasonably difficult.
4) None of the above. Sometimes the little things matter more than the obvious things.
I think a lot of it for me comes down to isolating that. I know I'm not particularly satisfied with where I am right now. I'm not sure whether it's becuase I'm not particularly happy here, I'm not particularly happy with my major, I'm doing something grossly wrong or another factor. I know at this point I dont' want to software development as a career. There is clearly more to CS than that but I'm not sure I wish to pursue it. I have generally felt at home on many college campuses but the atmosphere here certainly doesn't have that effect on me. (Despite fact I go there.) Also going into decision making I chose UCSD largely on rankings over feelings, and I urge people to go more with their gut. If you don't think a decision is good don't go for it.
This has been a bit of a wall of text, but I'm not sure how else to convey these thoughts.
In resolving this inner conflict and general discontent, I'm not sure where I should start. Should I look into transferring. Changing majors? Looking more intensely for people I get along with and can associate with? I'm somewhat unsure. I'm not in a bad place on paper, but I'm generally not happy with where I am.
 
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Computer science is a great major. If you can make it through a computer science degree, you're pretty much guaranteed a good job, and the more you learn, the better that job will be. For instance I have a ton of friends who have interned/worked at Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, Yelp, etc. I even interned at nVidia last summer after only two years.
That said, Computer Science is not for everyone. If your school is remotely decent (which I bet it is: San Diego is a famous city; they probably have a great university), the classes can get ridiculously difficult even for some of the most talented coders around. If you're not the greatest analytical thinker, and you have no passion for the material, then your grades will inevitably do some major dipping. And while grades aren't the end-all-be-all, you still gotta pass classes to graduate.
On top of that, if you don't like coding, you might not enjoy the jobs you can get when you graduate. They'll be well paying, cause it's what society needs done. But if you can't find it interesting wok, then you might just be unhappy for the rest of your career, however long that lasts.
But before you give up on CS entirely, there are some things you definitely should consider:
First, the stuff you do in your classes doesn't all correspond to what you might do at a job. Sure, most of it is good to know for your job, but a lot of it is unessential information. So make sure that the parts you don't like are the stuff that you're going to have to do for the long hall, not just annoying parts you'll have to put up with for 2-3 semesters and then you can mostly forget.
Secondly, there are groups on your campus that can offer a support structure and community. I'm not sure what they are on your campus, but I'm sure that they exist. On my campus there's an ACM chapter that I hang around with all the time. I think I've averaged upwards of 5 hours a day in our ACM office this semester, just hanging out and doing homework (and playing minecraft  ). Sure maybe most of people on your campus and major are introverted asian kids, but I guarantee out of the hundreds to thousands of guys (another con: CS is about 90% male) there's a group of people that are happy to help you out and be friends. So whatever that organization is that provides that for your campus, find it and hang out with them.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. CS is hard, but for me, it's totally worth all the work I put in, and more.
Aside about the value of occupations:
+ Show Spoiler +
One of the things I love about CS, and indeed engineering in general, is that the work you do really is worth what you get paid for it, or perhaps even more.
Managing makes a ton of money because if you can make 25 people work 10% harder, you're "worth" 2.5x as much as them to the company even though they're the ones working harder, not you.
Financials are worth tons of money cause if you manage someone else's millions of dollars, and make it worth a small percentage more, then your "worth" is how much more money you made for them. The more money they have, the more you're worth, even though it's their money, not yours.
CEO's and such make tons of money because they're in a position of power in the company, and as long as the company is making money, they can pretty much help themselves to the company's money, and there's not really anyone to stop them.
You mentioned law. Law is worth lots of money because if there's a lawsuit for 10 million dollars, and you make a company 10% more likely to win, then your work is "worth" a million dollars. But law is pretty much always a zero sum game. Society didn't gain a million dollars from your work, just the company that you're working for. You essentially took a million dollars from the other company, and gave it to your client. Now this might seem ok if your client right, and deserves the money. But half the time your client is wrong, and it's up to you to save the money or earn them money even if they don't deserve it, cause it's your job. Law is like poker, but you pay the house to play your hand for you, and surprise: the house always wins.
But engineering is different. Engineers get paid lots not because they're exploiting some system or making someone else's time or resources marginally better. No, engineers get paid because they make things that have value. If an engineer didn't design that car, or the tools needed to make it, you couldn't drive somewhere. If an engineer didn't design that bridge, we couldn't get over the river. If a programmer didn't design your email or IM software, you wouldn't be able to instantly communicate with someone anywhere across the globe. If that doctor didn't know exactly how to heal you, you would die or be paralyzed for the rest of your life. If there weren't people at nVidia testing, extending, and improving your drivers, you couldn't play starcraft 2. Even artists: if there wasn't Van Halen rocking out, the world would be a less happy place.
I wouldn't be happy with an occupation that just helps myself, and provides no net good to society. So I guess it's good that I've chosen the occupation that is about as valuable to society as it gets. Programmers can make millions of people's lives better. Even without personal fame.
So, take it or leave it, this is just the way jrkirby sees the world. Guess it was kinda a rant.
Also, what year are you? That probably matters too.
And if you decide you want to continue with CS, you should definitely do personal projects outside of class. Sure you might be able to do ok, and get a decent job without it, but projects are where you really do the learning.
Oh, and you're correct, the blog meta is still exactly the same.
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Hong Kong9148 Posts
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Everyone and their mom picks CS lately.
Let me tell you, I don't think a good chunk of those people are cutout for it, let alone even enjoy CS.
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I'm assuming you're an undergrad. If so, try and understand that outside of exceptional circumstances, the majority of grad programs require any major under the sun, some even promote people to study outside of their prospective grad major. That's if you plan on attending grad school.
If not, what year are you? It's difficult to give generic advice and have you already be a junior, in which case changing majors would not be the greatest decision in the world. Honestly though, the best blanket advice I can give you is to find an internship or some other application of CS in the real world (outside college :D) and apply.
If you enjoy it, just acknowledge that and maybe it will rekindle your passion for your classwork. School work is monotonous and boring sometimes, happens for every major under the sun, we've all been there. But chances are it's not enough of a reason for you to change majors without seeing how your knowledge is actually going to be applied once you graduate. An internship or something to that effect will show that to you, hopefully for the better.
In terms of the school itself, if you're still a freshman or sophomore, you're in a position to potentially transfer without any or too much credits lost along the way, if you really feel like the school isn't right for you, look up some other places. Having said that, the majority of university life comes from what you put into it. Not just academics, social too. If you want to have fun on campus, be active about finding like minded people and go hang out with them, be proactive.
You're still most likely pretty young, I used to think I needed everything mapped out before it happened but I realized things sometimes work out better if you just adjust along the way. I applying for piano performance when I had shoulder surgery 2 weeks before my audition date. I ended up getting accepted for music theory instead. It really wasn't much of a drawback because I wanted to go into law school regardless. After nearly acing the LSATs and studying my ass of for them, I realized that I didn't want to be confined to a desk job my entire life looking over patent applications and I wanted to travel, so I declined my acceptance letters. I decided to turn my interest in history into a career and started studying Japanese, and now I'm leaving for Japan in a few weeks. Once I become more adept at the language I intend to apply for a position as an east Asian studies grad.
Life happens, just go with it. As long as you make sure you end up doing something you really love everything will work out.
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On September 19 2013 19:06 ktimekiller wrote:
Everyone and their mom picks CS lately.
Let me tell you, I don't think a good chunk of those people are cutout for it, let alone even enjoy CS.
This is 100% what is happening in law too.
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To be honest I wish I would have chosen CS or engineering instead of being stuck in accounting
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you gotta start listening to your feelings side of things. Stop thinking things through logically and start rationalizing based on how you feel, not what is best for your career
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You sound like A) an extrovert with no friends, or B) an introvert not interested in their studies. Either way you better figure things out. CS is a field that feels (to me) bloated with mediocre programmers. What is needed is skilled software engineers, and you aren't going to become one with the attitude you have.
Something's gotta change! Don't be lazy; you can fix whatever the problem is.
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On September 20 2013 01:40 CecilSunkure wrote:
You sound like A) an extrovert with no friends, or B) an introvert not interested in their studies. Either way you better figure things out. CS is a field that feels (to me) bloated with mediocre programmers. What is needed is skilled software engineers, and you aren't going to become one with the attitude you have.
Something's gotta change! Don't be lazy; you can fix whatever the problem is.
Pretty much my conclusion haha. That's the conundrum.
@tank yes, definitely.
I actually did quite well in classes. I'm only going into second year so it remains to be seen how this next year will go. It does bug me that a ton of people in my department unabashedly state "I hate this major I'm just doing it for the income and job security" I'm not sure what I think of it entirely. I know there are other things I prefer but it's always difficult balancing feelings and pragmatism.
@kirby
That's among the reasons I decided to do an engineering major. And although law may be zero sum, which I think many would contest it is a required profession. (Admittedly there are way too many subpar lawyers)
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dont just give up man, you won't know if you really like cs or not until you explore more aspects of it. personally i don't like coding much but the theory side is quite fascinating, even though i'm also a second year im liking cs more and more. also, just because you're currently a cs major doesn't mean you always have to be. take CS classes but also try some other subjects you're interested in. no one's stopping you. for example i thought math would be cool, so now i'm taking some extra math classes just to see how it is. i know lots of CS people here at berkeley who also expand into other fields like cog sci, logic, physics, math, econ, etc. as long as you're willing to go out there and try new things, take different classes, you'll find eventually what you like. sitting around being unsatisfied won't get you anywhere unless you go out and satisfy yourself. now i'm not saying I have it made - in fact far from it. if anything i'm in a similar position to you, where i don't really know what i want to do with my life. but hey i think as long as we try our best to live our lives to the fullest it'll turn out well :D
gl hf see you around :D
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On September 20 2013 04:26 Abstinence wrote:
dont just give up man, you won't know if you really like cs or not until you explore more aspects of it. personally i don't like coding much but the theory side is quite fascinating, even though i'm also a second year im liking cs more and more. also, just because you're currently a cs major doesn't mean you always have to be. take CS classes but also try some other subjects you're interested in. no one's stopping you. for example i thought math would be cool, so now i'm taking some extra math classes just to see how it is. i know lots of CS people here at berkeley who also expand into other fields like cog sci, logic, physics, math, econ, etc. as long as you're willing to go out there and try new things, take different classes, you'll find eventually what you like. sitting around being unsatisfied won't get you anywhere unless you go out and satisfy yourself. now i'm not saying I have it made - in fact far from it. if anything i'm in a similar position to you, where i don't really know what i want to do with my life. but hey i think as long as we try our best to live our lives to the fullest it'll turn out well :D
gl hf see you around :D
Yeah, I'm takign a cogsci class right now as it so happens. 2 CS 1 writing 1 math 1 cogsci.
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is it an option for you to take some time off and think about it?
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All I can say is try really hard to find out if you're going to like CS, and soon. Talk to other undergrads, people who have graduated, professors, etc. I made the mistake of switching to CS 2nd year without a very good idea of what it was all about. I did very well in all the intro classes, but I just didn't enjoy it at all, and switched majors yet again (moved into Biology, which I love). Granted, people are right that there is a lot more to a CS degree than what see in intro classes, but just from looking into it on my own I realized it wouldn't be a good fit.
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Instead of just focusing on studies, I think you should have some fun and enjoy life a bit. No major is fun if you stare it in the face all day long. The more you analyze it and the more you look into the fine details, the more tunnel visioned you get. Realizing your passion is a lot simpler than that. Imagine yourself out with someone new you just met. You ask him what he does in school, and he just talks on and on about all his stories and projects and everything. When they are passionate about something, you can really see it, even if they haven't realized it themselves. Before I realized what I really wanted to do, whenever people asked me stuff about computers, I would loudly complain about how shitty Facebook security is, or Android security is, or whatnot. When I read the news, the first section I would flip to is computers and technology or read hacker news. When I browse comments on the Internet and see people being wrong about anything computer related, it would really irritate me. Now I'm working my dream job in software security. I don't think I would have arrived at it if all I did was sit behind a computer and code all day long.
My advice is to don't worry about choosing what you enjoy or don't enjoy. Inspiration is never drawn from textbooks, lectures, or line of code. It is drawn from living life itself. Judging from what you wrote, your major definitely isn't your only problem. I think that if you do other things that you enjoy, and find people that you enjoy being with, then you will naturally start to realize if CS is something you truly love doing, or if there is something else that you care about.
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On September 20 2013 16:51 Chairman Ray wrote:
Instead of just focusing on studies, I think you should have some fun and enjoy life a bit. No major is fun if you stare it in the face all day long. The more you analyze it and the more you look into the fine details, the more tunnel visioned you get. Realizing your passion is a lot simpler than that. Imagine yourself out with someone new you just met. You ask him what he does in school, and he just talks on and on about all his stories and projects and everything. When they are passionate about something, you can really see it, even if they haven't realized it themselves. Before I realized what I really wanted to do, whenever people asked me stuff about computers, I would loudly complain about how shitty Facebook security is, or Android security is, or whatnot. When I read the news, the first section I would flip to is computers and technology or read hacker news. When I browse comments on the Internet and see people being wrong about anything computer related, it would really irritate me. Now I'm working my dream job in software security. I don't think I would have arrived at it if all I did was sit behind a computer and code all day long.
My advice is to don't worry about choosing what you enjoy or don't enjoy. Inspiration is never drawn from textbooks, lectures, or line of code. It is drawn from living life itself. Judging from what you wrote, your major definitely isn't your only problem. I think that if you do other things that you enjoy, and find people that you enjoy being with, then you will naturally start to realize if CS is something you truly love doing, or if there is something else that you care about.
Pretty sound advice, I'd wager. In that sphere it's quite odd though because online I'm interested in everything. Current affairs, compulinguistics, recent legal decisions, literature reviews. Not a whole lot that disinterests me.
I don't hate CS by any means I"m just being pulled many directions and at this point something doesn't feel right, that something being an unknown.
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Haha, I don't get the "not interested in CS" part. I'm totally baffled by that. I hack on random side projects all of the time, just to see if I can get something to work. Part of the lure in CS is that you can pretty much do anything. There's always so much to learn. I like hardware a little more, so I'm an EE major, but CS is always where I'm thinking because it's such a rare and fascinating place.
CS is that weird place where if you have an idea about something, you can just go out there and fucking do it. It's 2013. If you have a computer, a compiler, and a text editor (and a web browser for reading Stack Overflow), you have all you need to get started. It's such a disconnect from the EE world of hey let's try that hardware project okay let's buy some parts on ebay from some random dude in HK. Oh it's two weeks later and all of my parts are here. Oh something doesn't work, too bad I can't figure out what because I don't have an oscilloscope/(insert hardware need here).
Don't get me wrong. I don't think I would enjoy software development as a day job either. At least not hacking on some huge corporate project at [Google/Facebook/other company every person thinks of when someone says CS]. But research-wise, I think it could be a fun place to be.
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On September 20 2013 17:41 Loser777 wrote:
Haha, I don't get the "not interested in CS" part. I'm totally baffled by that. I hack on random side projects all of the time, just to see if I can get something to work. Part of the lure in CS is that you can pretty much do anything. There's always so much to learn. I like hardware a little more, so I'm an EE major, but CS is always where I'm thinking because it's such a rare and fascinating place.
CS is that weird place where if you have an idea about something, you can just go out there and fucking do it. It's 2013. If you have a computer, a compiler, and a text editor (and a web browser for reading Stack Overflow), you have all you need to get started. It's such a disconnect from the EE world of hey let's try that hardware project okay let's buy some parts on ebay from some random dude in HK. Oh it's two weeks later and all of my parts are here. Oh something doesn't work, too bad I can't figure out what because I don't have an oscilloscope/(insert hardware need here).
Don't get me wrong. I don't think I would enjoy software development as a day job either. At least not hacking on some huge corporate project at [Google/Facebook/other company every person thinks of when someone says CS]. But research-wise, I think it could be a fun place to be.
I don't think I"m quite to the level where I can do anything that interesting, hopefully after htis upcoming course. Right now I can do scripting and some really light stuff but nothing that interesting.
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EPT
