Foreword

It's been a long time since I laddered. I placed at the start of Season 8, and played one or two games. After that, though, I had computer trouble and couldn't play for about a month. Once you start taking a break from ladder, it's very hard to get started again. And with the advent of patch 1.5.0 wrecking my ability to stream and play at the same time, taking a break to play other games came easily. Sc2 faded into the background of my life, as it does from time to time.

With the start of Season 9 I could ignore it no longer. It became necessary for me to play a ladder game. There was no fear, not like there is after short breaks. I played a practice game against a Diamond Z friend, and after being thoroughly trounced I knew I'd lose the placement match-- my MMR is still in low Master. After dinner I queue up for a game and it begins: TvP on Tal'Darim Altar, and ancient fixture of a map that somehow still hangs out in the ladder pool. My opponent, Ether, looks like a damn punk. I have no chance to win but I will play on regardless-- perhaps he's just bad.

What follows here is a battle report of the lowest-level Master League TvP you will ever find. All the glory and all the horror that can be contained in a game between supposedly "good" Sc2 players will be here. Never again will you listen to someone's advice because just because they say they're in Master League. Neither player's average APM, raw or adjusted, breaks 100.

Leave now if you can't handle the truth. You have been warned.

Incompeterran vs Pooptoss: A "Bad"le Report
Format: Ladder
Blue: Master Terran Blazinghand
Red: Master Protoss Ether

[image loading]

I love spawning in the lower left. Reminds me of DotA. There's no particular logic to my building placement-- am I walling my natural or my main choke? Who knows?

[image loading]

I scout that my opponent is indeed making his cybernetics core. Good info.

[image loading]

Somehow his probe slips by my marine without taking any hull damage. Clearly hax

[image loading]

HAH! You only got a full scout, before you died!

[image loading]

;_;

Despite taking gas, I go for a 1 rax expand because that's all I know how to do.

[image loading]

I guess he's in the same boat.

[image loading]

So I gotta use this gas for something, might as well get tanks.

[image loading]

While my raw APM is up in the 60-70 range, Ether finds the APM to move out a scouting poke.

[image loading]

It's not a perfect sim-city, but it stops the shit out of stalker pokes.

[image loading]

Time to get more secure. Tanks, turrets. Etc.

[image loading]

Templar and charge first ;_;

[image loading]

No scans? Make turrets.

[image loading]

Then use your scans to scout. :D

[image loading]

HAH BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT A RANDOM USELESS TURRET IN MY UNTAKEN THIRD HUH ASSHOLE

[image loading]

I'm actually astonished I can get by with this apm.

[image loading]

Horrible OP protoss death army moves out. At this point I realize I haven't used my banshees yet.

[image loading]

Step 1) kill cyber core so no stalkers

[image loading]

Step 2) Kill robo so no obs

[image loading]

Step 3) Kill nexus so no probes
Author's note: At this point, I realized I actually had a chance to win. Adrenaline was flowing, my heart was pounding, and I was getting nerdchills. That's right honeys, nerdchills.

[image loading]

A desperate attack for my third...

[image loading]

Easiest way to counter an attack on the third: Don't take a third to begin with.

[image loading]

No more push.

[image loading]

No more economy.

[image loading]

His last hope: A hastily-built stargate and 4 full-energy templar brought back from the front.

[image loading]

Storms too slow.

[image loading]

What's this?

[image loading]

7 kill phoenix ;_;

[image loading]

My turn to push.

[image loading]

Terran clearly balanced.

My final APM rested at a highly comfortable 63. What have I become? There's no lesson here. This wasn't a good game. My opponent played like poop, but I played so poorly that in any other matchup I probably deserved to loose. Luckily protoss' AA is ass-bad, so a small flock of banshees at 15:00 won the game for me. I have no explanation for our choice of builds, the scouting on either side, the atrocious macro you can observe in the mineral or gas counts, or the fact that we're both Master league players.

The only thing I can tell you: there is no God. There are only cloakshees.

I can also say that after this game, my hands were shaking, I was flushed and feeling vaguely numb from the excitement of a ladder victory after so long without one. No joke: winning this game was an incredible rush for me. Clearly I'm a cool kid.

vaderseven

United States2556 Posts

September 12 2012 05:18 GMT

lololol

this reminds me of one of the pay/obs games you got me invited to and I played a like 45 min sky terran vs toss game on daybreak.

gg

MysteryMeat1

United States3289 Posts

September 12 2012 05:47 GMT

Well at least u can still tell the babes ur in master league.

In cloakshees we trust

Blazinghand

United States25550 Posts

September 12 2012 05:51 GMT

It's true!

[image loading]

I do it all the time. The advice to solve every girl blog is

1) play sc2 a lot
2) get into master league
3) get all the honeys

MysteryMeat1

United States3289 Posts

September 12 2012 06:03 GMT

lol ever since that last blog your referring to them as honeys now.

Blazinghand

United States25550 Posts

September 12 2012 06:05 GMT

I lost a bet ;_;

TheEmulator

28076 Posts

September 12 2012 06:23 GMT

On September 12 2012 14:51 Blazinghand wrote:
It's true!

[image loading]

I do it all the time. The advice to solve every girl blog is

1) play sc2 a lot
2) get into master league
3) get all the honeys

True story

ObviousOne

United States3704 Posts

September 12 2012 06:35 GMT

5 stars -- would 1-1-1 again. Interesting depot wall and mysterious master-level mind games. Lol the random Turret at the third reminded me of Gheed's blog.

Btw how goes your Dark Souls adventure? PM if you wanna keep this on topic :D

Salivanth

Australia1071 Posts

September 12 2012 06:44 GMT

I think the thing that was the funniest about this entire blog was the supplies at the 13-minute mark: 120 and 130. You were right. I will never again listen to anyone because they're in Masters, and it makes my entire goal of Masters look hollow and pitiful.

You had an excuse. What's his? I wonder what his story is. Did he just get back into the game too? New race? Just stopped cheesing his way up the ladder? We may never know.

Blazinghand

United States25550 Posts

September 12 2012 06:48 GMT

#10

On September 12 2012 15:44 Salivanth wrote:
I think the thing that was the funniest about this entire blog was the supplies at the 13-minute mark: 120 and 130. You were right. I will never again listen to anyone because they're in Masters, and it makes my entire goal of Masters look hollow and pitiful.

You had an excuse. What's his? I wonder what his story is. Did he just get back into the game too? New race? Just stopped cheesing his way up the ladder? We may never know.

The best part is that we hadn't even fought each other yet at 13:00. Like, we'd each lost a worker and that's it.

Teoita

Italy12246 Posts

September 12 2012 08:28 GMT

#11

The only thing I can tell you: there is no God. There are only cloakshees.

Fuck flying dt's. Fuck them.

Also this reminds me, i should probably blog a few terribad games i've had in master. Some of them are just fucking funny. And yeah girls are actually strangely interested when you talk to them about starcraft. Wierd as hell.

edit:@ salivanth: lots of people in Master are fucking bad. This one time a played a guy that scanned my templar/chargelot army and reacted by massing...siege tanks and vikings. I kid you not. The guy went unupgraded marines/tanks/vikings as a REACTION to templar play. I died inside a bit watching that replay.