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I do think that my “views” are wrong, simply based on the fact, that quite obviously, no one else in the world seems to think and act the way I do when it comes to money, women, and relationships.
To get started, a little something about myself…
In my 21 years, I have never picked up a phone to call a friend or family members or anyone, to meet them and “do something”. I’ve had friends, when I was younger, I was just as popular as the next kid, but I would always wait for my friends to call me to do something. If no one would call, fine, I’d do my own thing. If someone did call, sure, I’ll ride, I’m up for whatever, I’ll go meet that person and we’d do whatever, I never “refused” interaction but I never sought it after it. Never. Interestingly enough, I started seeing my father again recently and I told him I was depressed, things lead to another and I mentioned what I just explained. He said he was the exact same. He’d never call anyone either would do is own thing and when called he’d agree to do whatever.
So I’ve always been an introspect if you will. It’s just that there’s so much you can do by yourself… There’s so much games to play and learn… There’s so much movies to watch, so much books to read, so much ways to learn and better yourself… I don’t know, I’ve always find ways to keep busy by myself and didn’t feel the need to be “entertained” by someone else.
I guess I’ve never put too much value into relationships. I love my mom, but I never call her. I had two friends I had been friends with for like 8+ years and I just let them go… Of course, someone gets tired of always calling and “maintaining” the relationship so each and every one of the friends that I used to have at some point stopped calling, and I never called them so they disappeared and the relationship died. And I don’t care that much… I do a little, I mean, sometimes it’s nice to have friends, but nowadays it’s like I don’t share the same interests that they did.
Another thing that lead to most of my relationships dying is life and my position in it. After high school, I stopped studying for two years and worked jobs all in the while playing cards on the internet as a second source of income, until I was making enough to “survive” and quit my boring jobs. That means that while my “career” was indeed promising and without a plateau, I was still at that time making minimum wage with no other “career” plans. While my friends were on their way to become doctors, engineers, and high ranked military officers. They were more social than me so they’d have girlfriends, they would know how to have a good time and whatnot and I paled in comparison. I had less money, no girl, no “plans”, and I wasn’t really social… So, I ended up not liking to be around them because I’d feel bad in comparison. When we would get together they’d all talk about the girls they smashed, the fun they were having in the army, their $25+ an hour apprenticeship jobs and all I had to talk about was… Poker hands ? But none of them played the game so they wouldn’t understand… I had nothing to talk about, I couldn’t keep up with the way they were spending money on alcohol and stuff like that…
I’ve always had a problem with money. I believe that is directly related to the way i see relationships and to the way I’ve been “progressing” through life. I cannot spend money. I just can’t. Like most other people, I like everything that’s expensive, nice cars, nice clothes, etc. So there is stuff that I want to “buy” but I can never “justify” spending any amount of money… Because of how my job work, the more money that I have to “invest” and that I can use as a bankroll, the more money I can make off of it. So to me, every dollar counts. At one point I had a really good amount of money in the bank. I could have bought a new nice 2013 car cash pretty much… Yet, I was wearing 2+ years old clothes, 4+ years old winter coat, and I just couldn’t find myself to spend 60$ on a new shirt or even 10$ to go to the movies. To me it wasn’t worth it. I would rationalize that i didn’t need clothes because I wasn’t socializing that much at all, and movies are free on the internet… Some beers with friends ? Nah, not worth the money… I was only focusing my “money” on the future because I knew I didn’t want to ever go back to working a regular 9 to 5.
I’m still that way, only now I don’t have any money so it’s not as bad but I just can’t spend money. Is it obvious to you know how this impact the way I view relationships and women ?
I must admit that I kind of put women on a pedestal, or at least, I think so. I would guess that’s because I never was close to any women before. It’s hard to explain precisely my feelings but the way I see it is girls know I want to have sex with them, right? They are the one who are desired, the ones to be courted. And therefore, men should spend money on them to court them. Buy them gifts, pay for activities to do together, stuff like that. Nowadays you’d probably tell me, well it’s fairly standard now to split the bills 50/50 and whatnot. Yeah okay, but that’s still a 50% that I need to spend on something… A 50% that I really have a hard time rationalizing that it’s worth being spent… And do you really want to be “that guy” who splits the bills ? C’mon now… I personally see that as a huge blow to my self-esteem…
It mostly comes down to self esteem I think. If I see a nice girl, that I would want to be with. I think to myself, no way I can afford to get her what she deserves. She deserves designer bags and clothes, a nice car and a highly fashionable man by her side. She needs a man that’ll make her friends jealous, someone to boast her status and to elevate her further. And I’m not that guy.
Again, let’s go back to money real quick. Just so you understand how much exactly I can’t stand to spend something on something that has no chance to pay itself back or be an “investment” of sort, (ex. I spent $2500 on a custom built computer, and that was perfectly fine with me because that’s actually an investment, same for 600$ headphones and stuff like that.) For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? You need money to invest and make more money off of it! I don’t want to ever be stuck at a money making plateau, I don’t want to ever just make even $150k for 3-4 years straight, I want to always make more and get up inn the money based hierarchy of this world. And to do that, I can’t be spending $4 on a drink… Or at least that’s how I see things.
Back to women, wanting to make more and more money is also linked to desire to be able to tell myself that I “deserve” and I’m “worth” better and better women as I’m able to afford the expensive taste of women of higher quality. I know this probably sound really macho and probably even stupid but that’s how I think…
I’m also not very social nor outgoing so “maintaining” a relationship with a women is also something that looks quite scary to me. The fact that in a relationship you need to “entertain” one another… My idea of a good time, is far from the general opinion so how would I make a girl happy, how am I going to entertain her and the relationships ? I can;t answer these questions. So not only can I not spend money on them but I also can’t be entertaining and show them a good time. So what in the world am I suppose to do ?
Not being able to spend money on “fun” or women is currently something that’s quite hard to swallow. A big blow to my self-esteem. It plays a really big part in fueling my depression I believe. I don’t know how to get over it and change these views of mine because they’re like the base and fundamentals of my thought process and the way I see things… I have no idea how to change or modify my ways regarding money, women, and relationships. That’s why I’m posting this I guess, for opinions or whatnot, so feel free to post whatever’s on your mind and give me feedback or anything really, consider this an effort on my end to try and better myself and seek new perspectives. I have never opened up about this before, it’s my first time ever talking about this to anyone so I apologize if my thoughts are all over the place and not that precise.
 
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Well, get an education, get a job, work your ass off. Get money, get girls?
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Bro I understand what you mean, being of a rather thrifty nature myself though to a lesser degree than you. Curious to know what do you do for a living? I'm wondering whether you really cannot stand 9 to 5 jobs or more that you can't stand the one you are currently in.
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I do think that my “views” are wrong, simply based on the fact, that quite obviously, no one else in the world seems to think and act the way I do when it comes to money, women, and relationships.
This is actually a poor way to distinguish when your views are wrong. I can't recall the the term, but group persuasion or the fact that no one agrees with you does not necessairly mean you're wrong, but rather that your view is not concurrent with how people think, behave or react in certain aspects.
Reading on...
In my 21 years, I have never picked up a phone to call a friend or family members or anyone, to meet them and “do something”. I’ve had friends, when I was younger, I was just as popular as the next kid, but I would always wait for my friends to call me to do something. If no one would call, fine, I’d do my own thing. If someone did call, sure, I’ll ride, I’m up for whatever, I’ll go meet that person and we’d do whatever, I never “refused” interaction but I never sought it after it. Never. Interestingly enough, I started seeing my father again recently and I told him I was depressed, things lead to another and I mentioned what I just explained. He said he was the exact same. He’d never call anyone either would do is own thing and when called he’d agree to do whatever.
Normal, many people are like this, including introverts.
When we would get together they’d all talk about the girls they smashed, the fun they were having in the army, their $25+ an hour apprenticeship jobs and all I had to talk about was… Poker hands ? But none of them played the game so they wouldn’t understand… I had nothing to talk about, I couldn’t keep up with the way they were spending money on alcohol and stuff like that…
Now you see how what you're doing isn't wrong, it's just not the conventional and ideal way to live.
I’ve always had a problem with money. I believe that is directly related to the way i see relationships and to the way I’ve been “progressing” through life. I cannot spend money. I just can’t. Like most other people, I like everything that’s expensive, nice cars, nice clothes, etc. So there is stuff that I want to “buy” but I can never “justify” spending any amount of money… Because of how my job work, the more money that I have to “invest” and that I can use as a bankroll, the more money I can make off of it. So to me, every dollar counts
Also normal.
It’s hard to explain precisely my feelings but the way I see it is girls know I want to have sex with them, right? They are the one who are desired, the ones to be courted. And therefore, men should spend money on them to court them. Buy them gifts, pay for activities to do together, stuff like that. Nowadays you’d probably tell me, well it’s fairly standard now to split the bills 50/50 and whatnot. Yeah okay, but that’s still a 50% that I need to spend on something… A 50% that I really have a hard time rationalizing that it’s worth being spent… And do you really want to be “that guy” who splits the bills ?
Actually women value men just as much as men value women sexually (generally speaking, of course people will disagree here). They just prioritize and value different things about men than men value women (hence why it is so clear men want sex from women, because a lot of guys place importance on a women's body and figure [which is also normal]. I think you're making a contradiction with the "pedestal" by also stating you can't justify spending anything on women. This sounds more like your introverted preference that any skewed view of women. I would associate lack of experience with women as a strong factor towards your conflicting thoughts though.
You're not that much of a deviant
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On August 30 2012 00:53 TuElite wrote:
For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ?
Do you live in Manhattan or something?
I think your problem is that since you've based your entire concept of money around poker, you don't understand salaried compensation. Most people with jobs get a very predictable paycheck every month/two weeks/whatever, of which some gets invested, some goes toward bills and some gets spent on stuff. If you know how much you're making and when, you're able to properly budget and make informed spending decisions.
By the way, $600 headphones aren't an investment.
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Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 01:12 bonifaceviii wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 00:53 TuElite wrote:
For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? Do you live in Manhattan or something? I think your problem is that since you've based your entire concept of money around poker, you don't understand salaried compensation. Most people with jobs get a very predictable paycheck every month/two weeks/whatever, of which some gets invested, some goes toward bills and some gets spent on stuff. If you know how much you're making and when, you're able to properly budget and make informed spending decisions. By the way, $600 headphones aren't an investment.
or in the same line of thought, $600 headphones is just as much an investment as buying a few hundred bucks of swanky clothing and going clubbing every weekend, which is an investment into meeting some honeys
from what it sounds like to me, you just prefer things that aren't clothes or going out with friends. If you can drop 3k on a computer but dont' want to drop 3k on a new car, then that's FINE. Don't feel like there's something wrong with that-- that's just who you are. Not everyone's goal in life is to have honeys, cars, and beers. If you can be happy as you are, be happy. IF you think you'll be happier with some honeys, maybe spend some money to invest in yourself to get the honeys.
I know there's tons of honeys who aren't really into a man who's super rich. Like yeah they'll want a dude who can support himself but they'll be like "yo I got my own job too, so its important you be funny and kind and these other things so we have fun together."
so yeah you don't need to be captain mcmoneybags to get it on
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You're just making up reasons to explain why you're life isn't where you thought it would be by now. Be comfortable with who you are and what choices you make. And if you're not comfortable with who you are, then change. Easy? No. Simple? Yes.
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Again, let’s go back to money real quick. Just so you understand how much exactly I can’t stand to spend something on something that has no chance to pay itself back or be an “investment” of sort, (ex. I spent $2500 on a custom built computer, and that was perfectly fine with me because that’s actually an investment, same for 600$ headphones and stuff like that.) For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? You need money to invest and make more money off of it! I don’t want to ever be stuck at a money making plateau, I don’t want to ever just make even $150k for 3-4 years straight, I want to always make more and get up inn the money based hierarchy of this world. And to do that, I can’t be spending $4 on a drink… Or at least that’s how I see things.
Why exactly are 600$ headphones an investment for you? I don't think that one needs high end quality sound for being good at poker.
It seems to me that you just don't like drinking beer with your friends and stuff like that, possibly you also did never have the right friends for you. I for myself never really got the idea of going out all the time, drinking beers and whatever until one year ago, when I got into a new group of people(started university).
I also think that you are a bit overthinking the whole women thing, if you first approve a woman and then think about all those matters when they actually have come up you'll be way more succesful in thsi regard.
Another thing that appears a bit weird to me is your whole "so much ways to learn and better yourself" excuse combined with stopping studies for two years after high school. Why didn't you go to college or something if you are into learning new things? After all this is the most important requirement imo for many job perspectives.
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i am very similar to you man. although i have begun initiating plans with the few relationships i do have i spent most my life not doing it.
i am also like you. i would not label myself cheap, i just have different spending interests than just about everyone ive met. i certainly could afford to go out and get hammered 3 nights a week but i am just not trying to. i could probably get a better car as well but in my eyes both an old camry (what i drive) and a beemer get you to places. id rather buy a game or some really high quality food or save my money. yes i do get joy, beyond the practicality element, from choosing ways to save and invest the little bit i can. hell, i actually just quit a very well paying full time job after only 3 months because in that little time i saved up like 8 months savings. in my mind, taking 6 months off and just doing whatever before i move onto my next venture is worth more than having a steady and long term job. again not the way most people think.
like someone mentioned were not wrong, just different.
edit: ^^ it seems simple typing it out like that in one sentence but i struggled with the concept for awhile as well man.
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Interesting read ^^
In my eyes, money has only 2 functions: one is allow you to survive with dignity, the second is to award you the chance to do or obtain things. The first one you have assimilated it already. The second one is easy: if you see something you like, or something you want to do, then spend money on it and get it, as long as you don't compromise the first point (sustaining yourself). If you really want something but you have this inability to spend money on it, then think what else would that money be useful for. Investing it only leads to more quantity of money, but money stays itself (dumb example: you can buy a burger with 1 dollar in your pocket and with 1 thousand dollars in your wallet). Even if you eventually became loaded, what would you use the money for? Probably invest it again and again until you become a sad frustrated rich man. If you can't spend some of that money for your own pleasure or joy, there's no reason you will be able to do so in the future, no matter how much money you got.
Anyways too many words: get some of that money of yours and spend it on something you wish by heart ^^. If you can't, throw that money to the rubbish can because it is of no use to you. You can keep investing some of the money to make more money while using a bit of it to enjoy life. And if you don't really want anything then just save up that money. And I'm seriously against using money to buy any form of power (dumb examples: buy a girl many gifts to hook up with her, buy many fancy clothes to rock it on the club and get some pussy, etc.). I think it'd just make you feel bad about the way you spend your money causing you to never spend/waste any money never again. Don't worry that much about women, don't worry that much about money, and try to find a path on life that fulfills you, whatever it may be (maybe a professional career of your liking?).
tl;dr: fuck money, fuck bitches, acquire inner peace (don't go the buddha way tho, just chill)
p.s. the idea is that if you have inner peace and feel content about yourself, all these problems will become irrelevant and all your wishes will find their way to your life
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a relationship IS an investment.
and it can get you far more in life than a couple extra dollars in your bankroll.
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Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 02:00 Elegy wrote:
a relationship IS an investment.
and it can get you far more in life than a couple extra dollars in your bankroll.
I think this is also a good point-- don't view going out and getting honeys as a consumption or a waste, because it can be very valuable.
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sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and just do shit. in your case, buy stuff, call people, whatever. can't just fuck about forever
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Thanks to everyone who provided feedback and thoughts. Some interesting posts that I shall look into.
And for those wondering, I am currently back in school. And the headphones thing were a poor example I guess, I just wanted to show that I have weird priorities when it comes to spending money. Spending that much on headphones is easy and not a problem at all but spending $20 to go bowling with someone is something that I have trouble doing...
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Feels like I'm reading about my self to my current point in life, I'm 16 right now and have grown up as you did and I'm not that social even though I want to be/try to be. Gotta be honest it's making me quite deprest but gotta keep fighting I guess. And glhf with your endevours!
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A lot different than what I was expecting from a TuElite blog. It's understandable why you don't want to just make a set salary for years, no way to improve it. If you are making your own money, you can visually see your success and failure.
I think I am the same way with a lot of the things you described. Fortunately most of my friends go to the same university as I do so it is easier to stay in contact with them if I ever want to.
There's no real point in spending money outside of what you need/really want. It seems a bit odd to my friends but sometimes I just go places with them (the bowling alley/ice rink) and just sit and watch. I could pay the 15 or so dollars to join in but it isn't worth it to me. I am perfectly content on the side. But, if there is some game or something I want then I get it because I can (the $2500 computer or $600 headphones). As long as you enjoy what you do, that's all that counts I guess.
Oh, and have you ever gone to actual tournaments for poker or just done online stuff with it?
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Btw a lot of depression is because people think that they are doing something wrng, are "bad" or not normal or that there is something wrong with them
Dude, theres nothing wrong with you, its OK to be the way you are and be yourself, you're not a bad person. If you wanna go out and do more stuff and socialise more and meet girls, thats cool, and you can do that if you want. But putting it off because you don't want to, thats OK, nothing wrong with that man
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I was like you until I met my special someone recently. I still have no idea what the hell she sees in me.
You could see maintaining relationships and friendships as a good investment though, for your social and mental health. People know people who know people, a chance meeting or a friendly introduction could get you contacts, buddies, hookups, experiences worth more than the occasional expenditure for bowling and whatnot.
Being content to be by yourself is all fine and good, but isolating yourself from all human contact is a recipe for going quietly nuts. If you're still playing poker online, unless you're 32 tabling micros or something, having a healthy mind nourished and recharged by social interaction could pay off. If it saves you from tilting off a single buyin every six months or so, it's already worth it, no?
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I see alot of you in me in that I don't call people and I'm kind of socially passive. The feeling of being stuck in life is horrible. I always want to be accomplishing stuff and I can really sympathise with the feeling of needing more money and more success.
Anyways just imagine that all other girls are practice for Nicole. She should be adequate motivation, I would think?
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EPT
