|
I do think that my “views” are wrong, simply based on the fact, that quite obviously, no one else in the world seems to think and act the way I do when it comes to money, women, and relationships.
To get started, a little something about myself…
In my 21 years, I have never picked up a phone to call a friend or family members or anyone, to meet them and “do something”. I’ve had friends, when I was younger, I was just as popular as the next kid, but I would always wait for my friends to call me to do something. If no one would call, fine, I’d do my own thing. If someone did call, sure, I’ll ride, I’m up for whatever, I’ll go meet that person and we’d do whatever, I never “refused” interaction but I never sought it after it. Never. Interestingly enough, I started seeing my father again recently and I told him I was depressed, things lead to another and I mentioned what I just explained. He said he was the exact same. He’d never call anyone either would do is own thing and when called he’d agree to do whatever.
So I’ve always been an introspect if you will. It’s just that there’s so much you can do by yourself… There’s so much games to play and learn… There’s so much movies to watch, so much books to read, so much ways to learn and better yourself… I don’t know, I’ve always find ways to keep busy by myself and didn’t feel the need to be “entertained” by someone else.
I guess I’ve never put too much value into relationships. I love my mom, but I never call her. I had two friends I had been friends with for like 8+ years and I just let them go… Of course, someone gets tired of always calling and “maintaining” the relationship so each and every one of the friends that I used to have at some point stopped calling, and I never called them so they disappeared and the relationship died. And I don’t care that much… I do a little, I mean, sometimes it’s nice to have friends, but nowadays it’s like I don’t share the same interests that they did.
Another thing that lead to most of my relationships dying is life and my position in it. After high school, I stopped studying for two years and worked jobs all in the while playing cards on the internet as a second source of income, until I was making enough to “survive” and quit my boring jobs. That means that while my “career” was indeed promising and without a plateau, I was still at that time making minimum wage with no other “career” plans. While my friends were on their way to become doctors, engineers, and high ranked military officers. They were more social than me so they’d have girlfriends, they would know how to have a good time and whatnot and I paled in comparison. I had less money, no girl, no “plans”, and I wasn’t really social… So, I ended up not liking to be around them because I’d feel bad in comparison. When we would get together they’d all talk about the girls they smashed, the fun they were having in the army, their $25+ an hour apprenticeship jobs and all I had to talk about was… Poker hands ? But none of them played the game so they wouldn’t understand… I had nothing to talk about, I couldn’t keep up with the way they were spending money on alcohol and stuff like that…
I’ve always had a problem with money. I believe that is directly related to the way i see relationships and to the way I’ve been “progressing” through life. I cannot spend money. I just can’t. Like most other people, I like everything that’s expensive, nice cars, nice clothes, etc. So there is stuff that I want to “buy” but I can never “justify” spending any amount of money… Because of how my job work, the more money that I have to “invest” and that I can use as a bankroll, the more money I can make off of it. So to me, every dollar counts. At one point I had a really good amount of money in the bank. I could have bought a new nice 2013 car cash pretty much… Yet, I was wearing 2+ years old clothes, 4+ years old winter coat, and I just couldn’t find myself to spend 60$ on a new shirt or even 10$ to go to the movies. To me it wasn’t worth it. I would rationalize that i didn’t need clothes because I wasn’t socializing that much at all, and movies are free on the internet… Some beers with friends ? Nah, not worth the money… I was only focusing my “money” on the future because I knew I didn’t want to ever go back to working a regular 9 to 5.
I’m still that way, only now I don’t have any money so it’s not as bad but I just can’t spend money. Is it obvious to you know how this impact the way I view relationships and women ?
I must admit that I kind of put women on a pedestal, or at least, I think so. I would guess that’s because I never was close to any women before. It’s hard to explain precisely my feelings but the way I see it is girls know I want to have sex with them, right? They are the one who are desired, the ones to be courted. And therefore, men should spend money on them to court them. Buy them gifts, pay for activities to do together, stuff like that. Nowadays you’d probably tell me, well it’s fairly standard now to split the bills 50/50 and whatnot. Yeah okay, but that’s still a 50% that I need to spend on something… A 50% that I really have a hard time rationalizing that it’s worth being spent… And do you really want to be “that guy” who splits the bills ? C’mon now… I personally see that as a huge blow to my self-esteem…
It mostly comes down to self esteem I think. If I see a nice girl, that I would want to be with. I think to myself, no way I can afford to get her what she deserves. She deserves designer bags and clothes, a nice car and a highly fashionable man by her side. She needs a man that’ll make her friends jealous, someone to boast her status and to elevate her further. And I’m not that guy.
Again, let’s go back to money real quick. Just so you understand how much exactly I can’t stand to spend something on something that has no chance to pay itself back or be an “investment” of sort, (ex. I spent $2500 on a custom built computer, and that was perfectly fine with me because that’s actually an investment, same for 600$ headphones and stuff like that.) For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? You need money to invest and make more money off of it! I don’t want to ever be stuck at a money making plateau, I don’t want to ever just make even $150k for 3-4 years straight, I want to always make more and get up inn the money based hierarchy of this world. And to do that, I can’t be spending $4 on a drink… Or at least that’s how I see things.
Back to women, wanting to make more and more money is also linked to desire to be able to tell myself that I “deserve” and I’m “worth” better and better women as I’m able to afford the expensive taste of women of higher quality. I know this probably sound really macho and probably even stupid but that’s how I think…
I’m also not very social nor outgoing so “maintaining” a relationship with a women is also something that looks quite scary to me. The fact that in a relationship you need to “entertain” one another… My idea of a good time, is far from the general opinion so how would I make a girl happy, how am I going to entertain her and the relationships ? I can;t answer these questions. So not only can I not spend money on them but I also can’t be entertaining and show them a good time. So what in the world am I suppose to do ?
Not being able to spend money on “fun” or women is currently something that’s quite hard to swallow. A big blow to my self-esteem. It plays a really big part in fueling my depression I believe. I don’t know how to get over it and change these views of mine because they’re like the base and fundamentals of my thought process and the way I see things… I have no idea how to change or modify my ways regarding money, women, and relationships. That’s why I’m posting this I guess, for opinions or whatnot, so feel free to post whatever’s on your mind and give me feedback or anything really, consider this an effort on my end to try and better myself and seek new perspectives. I have never opened up about this before, it’s my first time ever talking about this to anyone so I apologize if my thoughts are all over the place and not that precise.
 
|
Well, get an education, get a job, work your ass off. Get money, get girls?
|
Bro I understand what you mean, being of a rather thrifty nature myself though to a lesser degree than you. Curious to know what do you do for a living? I'm wondering whether you really cannot stand 9 to 5 jobs or more that you can't stand the one you are currently in.
|
I do think that my “views” are wrong, simply based on the fact, that quite obviously, no one else in the world seems to think and act the way I do when it comes to money, women, and relationships.
This is actually a poor way to distinguish when your views are wrong. I can't recall the the term, but group persuasion or the fact that no one agrees with you does not necessairly mean you're wrong, but rather that your view is not concurrent with how people think, behave or react in certain aspects.
Reading on...
In my 21 years, I have never picked up a phone to call a friend or family members or anyone, to meet them and “do something”. I’ve had friends, when I was younger, I was just as popular as the next kid, but I would always wait for my friends to call me to do something. If no one would call, fine, I’d do my own thing. If someone did call, sure, I’ll ride, I’m up for whatever, I’ll go meet that person and we’d do whatever, I never “refused” interaction but I never sought it after it. Never. Interestingly enough, I started seeing my father again recently and I told him I was depressed, things lead to another and I mentioned what I just explained. He said he was the exact same. He’d never call anyone either would do is own thing and when called he’d agree to do whatever.
Normal, many people are like this, including introverts.
When we would get together they’d all talk about the girls they smashed, the fun they were having in the army, their $25+ an hour apprenticeship jobs and all I had to talk about was… Poker hands ? But none of them played the game so they wouldn’t understand… I had nothing to talk about, I couldn’t keep up with the way they were spending money on alcohol and stuff like that…
Now you see how what you're doing isn't wrong, it's just not the conventional and ideal way to live.
I’ve always had a problem with money. I believe that is directly related to the way i see relationships and to the way I’ve been “progressing” through life. I cannot spend money. I just can’t. Like most other people, I like everything that’s expensive, nice cars, nice clothes, etc. So there is stuff that I want to “buy” but I can never “justify” spending any amount of money… Because of how my job work, the more money that I have to “invest” and that I can use as a bankroll, the more money I can make off of it. So to me, every dollar counts
Also normal.
It’s hard to explain precisely my feelings but the way I see it is girls know I want to have sex with them, right? They are the one who are desired, the ones to be courted. And therefore, men should spend money on them to court them. Buy them gifts, pay for activities to do together, stuff like that. Nowadays you’d probably tell me, well it’s fairly standard now to split the bills 50/50 and whatnot. Yeah okay, but that’s still a 50% that I need to spend on something… A 50% that I really have a hard time rationalizing that it’s worth being spent… And do you really want to be “that guy” who splits the bills ?
Actually women value men just as much as men value women sexually (generally speaking, of course people will disagree here). They just prioritize and value different things about men than men value women (hence why it is so clear men want sex from women, because a lot of guys place importance on a women's body and figure [which is also normal]. I think you're making a contradiction with the "pedestal" by also stating you can't justify spending anything on women. This sounds more like your introverted preference that any skewed view of women. I would associate lack of experience with women as a strong factor towards your conflicting thoughts though.
You're not that much of a deviant
|
On August 30 2012 00:53 TuElite wrote:
For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ?
Do you live in Manhattan or something?
I think your problem is that since you've based your entire concept of money around poker, you don't understand salaried compensation. Most people with jobs get a very predictable paycheck every month/two weeks/whatever, of which some gets invested, some goes toward bills and some gets spent on stuff. If you know how much you're making and when, you're able to properly budget and make informed spending decisions.
By the way, $600 headphones aren't an investment.
|
Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 01:12 bonifaceviii wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 00:53 TuElite wrote:
For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? Do you live in Manhattan or something? I think your problem is that since you've based your entire concept of money around poker, you don't understand salaried compensation. Most people with jobs get a very predictable paycheck every month/two weeks/whatever, of which some gets invested, some goes toward bills and some gets spent on stuff. If you know how much you're making and when, you're able to properly budget and make informed spending decisions. By the way, $600 headphones aren't an investment.
or in the same line of thought, $600 headphones is just as much an investment as buying a few hundred bucks of swanky clothing and going clubbing every weekend, which is an investment into meeting some honeys
from what it sounds like to me, you just prefer things that aren't clothes or going out with friends. If you can drop 3k on a computer but dont' want to drop 3k on a new car, then that's FINE. Don't feel like there's something wrong with that-- that's just who you are. Not everyone's goal in life is to have honeys, cars, and beers. If you can be happy as you are, be happy. IF you think you'll be happier with some honeys, maybe spend some money to invest in yourself to get the honeys.
I know there's tons of honeys who aren't really into a man who's super rich. Like yeah they'll want a dude who can support himself but they'll be like "yo I got my own job too, so its important you be funny and kind and these other things so we have fun together."
so yeah you don't need to be captain mcmoneybags to get it on
|
|
|
You're just making up reasons to explain why you're life isn't where you thought it would be by now. Be comfortable with who you are and what choices you make. And if you're not comfortable with who you are, then change. Easy? No. Simple? Yes.
|
Again, let’s go back to money real quick. Just so you understand how much exactly I can’t stand to spend something on something that has no chance to pay itself back or be an “investment” of sort, (ex. I spent $2500 on a custom built computer, and that was perfectly fine with me because that’s actually an investment, same for 600$ headphones and stuff like that.) For me to be able to live like most people my age do and spend money on activities purely based on “fun” and buy clothes every season and whatnot, I’d need a guaranteed annual salary of at least $60-70k, minimum, otherwise I can’t because I don’t know, I just don’t understand, if you spend your money, how the fuck are you supposed to make more ? You need money to invest and make more money off of it! I don’t want to ever be stuck at a money making plateau, I don’t want to ever just make even $150k for 3-4 years straight, I want to always make more and get up inn the money based hierarchy of this world. And to do that, I can’t be spending $4 on a drink… Or at least that’s how I see things.
Why exactly are 600$ headphones an investment for you? I don't think that one needs high end quality sound for being good at poker.
It seems to me that you just don't like drinking beer with your friends and stuff like that, possibly you also did never have the right friends for you. I for myself never really got the idea of going out all the time, drinking beers and whatever until one year ago, when I got into a new group of people(started university).
I also think that you are a bit overthinking the whole women thing, if you first approve a woman and then think about all those matters when they actually have come up you'll be way more succesful in thsi regard.
Another thing that appears a bit weird to me is your whole "so much ways to learn and better yourself" excuse combined with stopping studies for two years after high school. Why didn't you go to college or something if you are into learning new things? After all this is the most important requirement imo for many job perspectives.
|
i am very similar to you man. although i have begun initiating plans with the few relationships i do have i spent most my life not doing it.
i am also like you. i would not label myself cheap, i just have different spending interests than just about everyone ive met. i certainly could afford to go out and get hammered 3 nights a week but i am just not trying to. i could probably get a better car as well but in my eyes both an old camry (what i drive) and a beemer get you to places. id rather buy a game or some really high quality food or save my money. yes i do get joy, beyond the practicality element, from choosing ways to save and invest the little bit i can. hell, i actually just quit a very well paying full time job after only 3 months because in that little time i saved up like 8 months savings. in my mind, taking 6 months off and just doing whatever before i move onto my next venture is worth more than having a steady and long term job. again not the way most people think.
like someone mentioned were not wrong, just different.
edit: ^^ it seems simple typing it out like that in one sentence but i struggled with the concept for awhile as well man.
|
Interesting read ^^
In my eyes, money has only 2 functions: one is allow you to survive with dignity, the second is to award you the chance to do or obtain things. The first one you have assimilated it already. The second one is easy: if you see something you like, or something you want to do, then spend money on it and get it, as long as you don't compromise the first point (sustaining yourself). If you really want something but you have this inability to spend money on it, then think what else would that money be useful for. Investing it only leads to more quantity of money, but money stays itself (dumb example: you can buy a burger with 1 dollar in your pocket and with 1 thousand dollars in your wallet). Even if you eventually became loaded, what would you use the money for? Probably invest it again and again until you become a sad frustrated rich man. If you can't spend some of that money for your own pleasure or joy, there's no reason you will be able to do so in the future, no matter how much money you got.
Anyways too many words: get some of that money of yours and spend it on something you wish by heart ^^. If you can't, throw that money to the rubbish can because it is of no use to you. You can keep investing some of the money to make more money while using a bit of it to enjoy life. And if you don't really want anything then just save up that money. And I'm seriously against using money to buy any form of power (dumb examples: buy a girl many gifts to hook up with her, buy many fancy clothes to rock it on the club and get some pussy, etc.). I think it'd just make you feel bad about the way you spend your money causing you to never spend/waste any money never again. Don't worry that much about women, don't worry that much about money, and try to find a path on life that fulfills you, whatever it may be (maybe a professional career of your liking?).
tl;dr: fuck money, fuck bitches, acquire inner peace (don't go the buddha way tho, just chill)
p.s. the idea is that if you have inner peace and feel content about yourself, all these problems will become irrelevant and all your wishes will find their way to your life
|
a relationship IS an investment.
and it can get you far more in life than a couple extra dollars in your bankroll.
|
Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 02:00 Elegy wrote:
a relationship IS an investment.
and it can get you far more in life than a couple extra dollars in your bankroll.
I think this is also a good point-- don't view going out and getting honeys as a consumption or a waste, because it can be very valuable.
|
sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and just do shit. in your case, buy stuff, call people, whatever. can't just fuck about forever
|
Thanks to everyone who provided feedback and thoughts. Some interesting posts that I shall look into.
And for those wondering, I am currently back in school. And the headphones thing were a poor example I guess, I just wanted to show that I have weird priorities when it comes to spending money. Spending that much on headphones is easy and not a problem at all but spending $20 to go bowling with someone is something that I have trouble doing...
|
Feels like I'm reading about my self to my current point in life, I'm 16 right now and have grown up as you did and I'm not that social even though I want to be/try to be. Gotta be honest it's making me quite deprest but gotta keep fighting I guess. And glhf with your endevours!
|
A lot different than what I was expecting from a TuElite blog. It's understandable why you don't want to just make a set salary for years, no way to improve it. If you are making your own money, you can visually see your success and failure.
I think I am the same way with a lot of the things you described. Fortunately most of my friends go to the same university as I do so it is easier to stay in contact with them if I ever want to.
There's no real point in spending money outside of what you need/really want. It seems a bit odd to my friends but sometimes I just go places with them (the bowling alley/ice rink) and just sit and watch. I could pay the 15 or so dollars to join in but it isn't worth it to me. I am perfectly content on the side. But, if there is some game or something I want then I get it because I can (the $2500 computer or $600 headphones). As long as you enjoy what you do, that's all that counts I guess.
Oh, and have you ever gone to actual tournaments for poker or just done online stuff with it?
|
Btw a lot of depression is because people think that they are doing something wrng, are "bad" or not normal or that there is something wrong with them
Dude, theres nothing wrong with you, its OK to be the way you are and be yourself, you're not a bad person. If you wanna go out and do more stuff and socialise more and meet girls, thats cool, and you can do that if you want. But putting it off because you don't want to, thats OK, nothing wrong with that man
|
I was like you until I met my special someone recently. I still have no idea what the hell she sees in me.
You could see maintaining relationships and friendships as a good investment though, for your social and mental health. People know people who know people, a chance meeting or a friendly introduction could get you contacts, buddies, hookups, experiences worth more than the occasional expenditure for bowling and whatnot.
Being content to be by yourself is all fine and good, but isolating yourself from all human contact is a recipe for going quietly nuts. If you're still playing poker online, unless you're 32 tabling micros or something, having a healthy mind nourished and recharged by social interaction could pay off. If it saves you from tilting off a single buyin every six months or so, it's already worth it, no?
|
I see alot of you in me in that I don't call people and I'm kind of socially passive. The feeling of being stuck in life is horrible. I always want to be accomplishing stuff and I can really sympathise with the feeling of needing more money and more success.
Anyways just imagine that all other girls are practice for Nicole. She should be adequate motivation, I would think?
|
|
|
It mostly comes down to self esteem I think. If I see a nice girl, that I would want to be with. I think to myself, no way I can afford to get her what she deserves. She deserves designer bags and clothes, a nice car and a highly fashionable man by her side. She needs a man that’ll make her friends jealous, someone to boast her status and to elevate her further. And I’m not that guy.
Your views on this are wrong. Who are you to limit the possibilities and happiness you could share with a lady, simply because the way you'd interact wouldn't fit into the playa stereotype? I can understand why there's inhibition and a barrier to seeking out lady friends, if this is the only way you believe you could make her happy. Be you. Only that its kinda harder for you to find someone who would enjoy you, because you're not so much 'on the market', and your entire life doesn't revolve around hunting down and paying for bedtime-playtimes.
Back to women, wanting to make more and more money is also linked to desire to be able to tell myself that I “deserve” and I’m “worth” better and better women as I’m able to afford the expensive taste of women of higher quality. I know this probably sound really macho and probably even stupid but that’s how I think…
'to be able to tell myself I am worth more, because I've made more money' Bad value system to base your identity on, bro. Again, you're not all that into 'the game', and that's OK, so go figure you can't catch the big fishettes, you haven't advanced to that level yet. Actually, if you want real happiness and satisfaction, chasin it all over the clubs really isn't the best way to go.
Don't think so much about what it costs, and try to enjoy spending the time with the people instead. See it like this: value the enjoyment and fun you're having with them over what it costs. Don't only hang out with people who get you down 'cause all they can talk about is how much they're blowin, to get blown. Find you some good people, k?
<3 Girl blogs
|
I was right with you for the first three paragraphs, and then hopped off that train as soon as I go to the "so I just sit around and dump all my money into internet poker". As others have said, go to a community college and get yourself a job. Or something. If you're used to being thrifty (I'm a grad student, so I know all about that -- I mentally price things in terms of how many Subway sandwiches they cost), you can live very comfortably on surprisingly little annual income (~30k/yr in the US is plenty if you're not buying stupid shit left and right). If possible, get a job in a field you find interesting/fun/meaningful. If you can't pull that off, whatever, do that stuff nights and weekends.
As far as girls, I'll just say that there's more to it than buying them things and some macho posturing. At least, there is for the "nice" girls that you mentioned who are real relationship material. Talk to some of them sometime and see what else there is.
|
Good read
For me I value experience over money. Sure of course u need money to have all kinds of experiences but honestly objects are worth less than ur memories
|
go for a sports team or club... there you can improve yourself but still be with some people and it isn´t that expensive
|
I barely initiate activities with friends, maybe one a year, but we stay friends by skyping and playing LoL or SC2. If it weren't for gaming, when I moved away I wouldn't still have my best childhood friends.
|
I usually advice to start from getting laid. I know youre incapable right now but even a hooker qualifies. Once youve tried being with a woman you should be able to prioritize more. 80$ for an hour of sex seems like a good investment for you.
|
I feel like there are very few women of my particular intellect and bent, so my plan is to write a bestselling, yet esoteric, novel that will act like a beacon for potential soulmates.
|
On August 30 2012 05:30 Jerubaal wrote:
I feel like there are very few women of my particular intellect and bent, so my plan is to write a bestselling, yet esoteric, novel that will act like a beacon for potential soulmates.
Fifty Shades of Grey?
|
On August 30 2012 05:29 ecstatica wrote:
I usually advice to start from getting laid. I know youre incapable right now but even a hooker qualifies. Once youve tried being with a woman you should be able to prioritize more. 80$ for an hour of sex seems like a good investment for you.
^ That is horrible advice. Pick up a shitfaced co-ed at 2am instead. Probably safer too.
|
Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 07:13 demMudkipz wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 05:29 ecstatica wrote:
I usually advice to start from getting laid. I know youre incapable right now but even a hooker qualifies. Once youve tried being with a woman you should be able to prioritize more. 80$ for an hour of sex seems like a good investment for you. ^ That is horrible advice. Pick up a shitfaced co-ed at 2am instead. Probably safer too.
^this is also horrible advice. Get into a caring relationship with nice honey you like then slip her the wood. Boning prositutes or unreasonably drunk honeys is not the way to go about it.
|
As a lot of other people already pointed out, to move forward in life you have to invest in yourself and not only in the amount of money you make. By investing in yourself means spending money and time on and with your friends to get new experiences. These are valuable because memories will remain with you forever and is always something to look back on as well as learning how to handle different situations.
However, I do see where you are coming from and I share a lot of your views regarding finding a nice girlfriend or how to keep making more money each year. But by trying different options (meeting new girls, trying different courses at school, working different jobs) you will realize what you are actually looking for, and eventually you will know what kind of girl you really want to meet, what you really wanna work with and hopefully find a way to make sufficient money (or even better, learn how much is sufficient for you).
|
You don't put money "on women", although money can lead to a more comfortable life and thus to more stability and thus to more confidence which is something that everyone around you (except enemies) will appreciate.
Picture a dumb college hippie who thinks he's a great poet and musician. He's broke but he attracts people.
The bottom line is : to be an interesting person, you need to have at least "something" going for you.
|
do you think because you dont spend money on what the average guy you see in tv sitcoms do that you are somehow doing it wrong? I never spend money on beer or designer clothes, but like you I have forked out alot on hardware - and so have my friends. it seems to me like you are just with the wrong social group. what is normal is completely relative, and what is very important is that most mature people wont think negatively of you if you are into gaming, poker and kpop.
and anti-social is the opposite of what i see you do - you write alot of blogs and interact with the kmd community
|
On August 30 2012 08:19 Kukaracha wrote:
The bottom line is : to be an interesting person, you need to have at least "something" going for you.
And I don't. If I could at least hide my "nothingness" behind fancy meals and nice hotels maybe it would help my confidence in talking to girls...
|
Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On August 30 2012 08:26 TuElite wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 08:19 Kukaracha wrote:
The bottom line is : to be an interesting person, you need to have at least "something" going for you. And I don't. If I could at least hide my "nothingness" behind fancy meals and nice hotels maybe it would help my confidence in talking to girls...
I wouldn't try to think like that, also, what,hotels
If you want to help your confidence with the honeys hiding behind cash isn't how you do it. To be confident with the honeys you gotta be confident with yourself. Take up a hobby of some sort, (if you have time that is), like poetry or music or something where you can go hang out with people while you do it. Yeah learn how to do spoken-word poetry!
Then the honeys will want you, and on top of that, you'll know they want you cause they want YOU, not cause they want... hotels
|
On August 30 2012 08:26 TuElite wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 08:19 Kukaracha wrote:
The bottom line is : to be an interesting person, you need to have at least "something" going for you. And I don't. If I could at least hide my "nothingness" behind fancy meals and nice hotels maybe it would help my confidence in talking to girls...
Some people have something going for them from the start, but most don't. However, there are many traits you can aquire and that will make you an interesting person - given that you put the necessary work into it.
Picture a douchebag with muscles everywhere, a cancerous tan and a stupid haircut. He can have ladies. He's dumb as a rock, ugly and... well, a douche, but he put some work into something.
I don't know you, but I can at least tell you have more potential than that man (and he gets laid).
|
On August 30 2012 07:35 Blazinghand wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 07:13 demMudkipz wrote:On August 30 2012 05:29 ecstatica wrote:
I usually advice to start from getting laid. I know youre incapable right now but even a hooker qualifies. Once youve tried being with a woman you should be able to prioritize more. 80$ for an hour of sex seems like a good investment for you. ^ That is horrible advice. Pick up a shitfaced co-ed at 2am instead. Probably safer too. ^this is also horrible advice. Get into a caring relationship with nice honey you like then slip her the wood. Boning prositutes or unreasonably drunk honeys is not the way to go about it.
Point taken, Blazinghand. I think thats what the OP wants anyways.
|
I think you're blocking off socialising by just criticising the lowest end of it. Perhaps buying fancy clothes, drinking expensive beer and seeing the latest movies seems like a bad investment, but what about going to hear a symphony with some friends? That's incredible value for money.
If you don't want to spend money there are parks, art galleries and even your home. Instead of buying great headphones buy a great soundsystem, and you can invite friends/dates over. You can also cook/ learn to cook for them. Essentially what I'm saying is you can be very sociable without spending much money.
Or if you do spend money, realise what you're paying for. When you go out to have beers, you're not just paying for the beers - the price includes the cool environment you all get to hang out in.
Also Torte De Lini's right - it's normal to worry about wasting money.
|
I envy your ability to save money, I could really use those skills.
|
You having a hard time spending money on things that don't matter (ex. expensive clothing, expensive cars, activities that you don't get a large amount of enjoyment from) is not something that you should try to correct. Rather, it is a necessary component of the most rational course of action in life with regards to money management. The most reasonable thing you can do is save lots and lots of money (though I'm not suggesting you spend so little on yourself that your life becomes miserable) and take an extended period of time to search for the way that the money can be best used. Giving the money to a charity which fights disease in undeveloped countries may be a good idea. This also could help eliminate some of your depression because I know that almost all people say they feel better when they help others (and this has also been shown through studies.)
As for women, if a particular women requires a monthly maintenance fee (so to speak) in order for her to love you, it might not be a good idea for you to be in a long term relationship with her. On second thought, take this advice with a few kilos of salt since I don't have experience in the area.
On August 30 2012 04:08 tissue wrote:If you're still playing poker online, unless you're 32 tabling micros or something, having a healthy mind nourished and recharged by social interaction could pay off.
While this advice is true for extroverts, it isn't true for introverts because for them, social interaction depletes mental energy instead of "recharging" their minds.
|
Interesting read. As mentioned, it's not as out of the norm as you would think not to initiate social contact. I find myself doing the same as well a lot of the time. The introvert picture posted by TDL is pretty nice, found it to have quite some truth in it. One way I thought one could consider extroverts vs introverts was that the former's energy level would rise in social situations and the latter would have to expend energy (not literally, just a figure of speech) when in social situations.
|
I was and still am a lot like you in several aspects, and I'm seldom the one initiating social contact, although I do it more often recently. The reason for the change would be finding my dear girlfriend about a year ago. Find someone you feel you want to spend money on (relationships certainly isn't about money, but it will sure cost quite some).
And if you value money highly, maybe the girls that wants the expensive brand bags isn't the girls for you. There are plenty of those girls too.
Anyway, maybe set up a simple budget for money to use on "fun things", such as drinking? Might make it feel easier.
|
You're rationalizing your fear and inexperience with women with thriftiness. If you can afford $600 headphones, you can suck up 10 bucks for a coffee date.
|
Not sure how a 2500$ computer is an investment.
I can't imagine many things that loses value as quickly as technology.
You said you had the money to buy a nice new 2013 car, so that is what? 20-30k? When I worked as a debt collector, I saw people start companies with 1/10th of that.
For someone that seems to aspire wealth and status, why would you not try to start your own company? It is a lot of hard work, eats up tons of hours, pays back what you put in, imparts a huge status.
An investment actually has to make good on its return. Anything you buy for yourself isn't an investment, because you don't buy it with the aim of making a return on it.
That 2500$ computer isn't going to be worth half its value in a year. Hell, I'd argue that it isn't even worth half its value the second you buy it, because people are really uneasy about buying computers.
You seem to clash with your own views. Most people do, but it doesn't really make sense in your case. You had the money, you don't like to spend it on wastefull stuff, and you want status. A company seems like a natural fit. Hell, you can just shrug when people talk about their studies and say that you stopped because you wanted to do something real.
As for women, your arguments don't make any sense.
If you're going 50/50 then you aren't paying more than you would otherwise. You're splitting the bill. If everyone pays for their own movie ticket, nobody is paying a cent more than when they would go alone.
Sounds like a cop-out argument.
|
On August 31 2012 04:26 zalz wrote:
Not sure how a 2500$ computer is an investment.
Needed to work.
On August 31 2012 04:26 zalz wrote:You said you had the money to buy a nice new 2013 car, so that is what? 20-30k? When I worked as a debt collector, I saw people start companies with 1/10th of that.
For someone that seems to aspire wealth and status, why would you not try to start your own company? It is a lot of hard work, eats up tons of hours, pays back what you put in, imparts a huge status.
I really am not business savvy in the sense that I just have no idea what I could market and/or sell. And I don't know of anything worth buying in. Well, I didn't. I don't have that money anymore.
On August 31 2012 04:26 zalz wrote:You seem to clash with your own views. Most people do, but it doesn't really make sense in your case. You had the money, you don't like to spend it on wastefull stuff, and you want status. A company seems like a natural fit. Hell, you can just shrug when people talk about their studies and say that you stopped because you wanted to do something real.
Yeah that is true, maybe I should look into that, as I currently have no idea about how to pursue that venue.
On August 31 2012 04:26 zalz wrote:As for women, your arguments don't make any sense.
If you're going 50/50 then you aren't paying more than you would otherwise. You're splitting the bill. If everyone pays for their own movie ticket, nobody is paying a cent more than when they would go alone.
Sounds like a cop-out argument.
Yeah well I never go out, I haven't seen Batman lol! So it's not as if I wouldn't pay more it's a new expense. But yeah, your right, it might be a form of cop-out based on fear/insecurity. I had multiple people tell me that and I do believe there might be some truth to it.
|
|
|
same boat as you except i spend most of my money on new biking gear, accessories, wetsuits, running shoes, triathlon stuff. Most of the time i just do that by myself with only my parents coming to watch me. I love what I do, i love training, but sometimes it does get lonely. I just sort of tell myself that If i just keep doing what i love even though my interests aren't very social (seriously no one gets excited for 4 hour long endurance workouts except me), that everything will work out together in the end.
|
wow ur the same as me. except many years older.
|
On August 31 2012 13:36 superbarnie wrote:
wow ur the same as me. except many years older.
lololololol
|
On August 30 2012 07:35 Blazinghand wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 07:13 demMudkipz wrote:On August 30 2012 05:29 ecstatica wrote:
I usually advice to start from getting laid. I know youre incapable right now but even a hooker qualifies. Once youve tried being with a woman you should be able to prioritize more. 80$ for an hour of sex seems like a good investment for you. ^ That is horrible advice. Pick up a shitfaced co-ed at 2am instead. Probably safer too. ^this is also horrible advice. Get into a caring relationship with nice honey you like then slip her the wood. Boning prositutes or unreasonably drunk honeys is not the way to go about it.
I love that you refer to women as "honeys" makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
|
Technology/electronics are investments not in the sense that you purchase them in the hope that they will gain value, but in the sense that you are investing money into a device that will help you work and facilitate anything that requires the use of a computer and/or the Internet. $2500 is kind of steep though unless you're looking for a gaming computer or something that can run simulations or something similar. Hardware is moving much faster than is software and your marginal cost will start rising REALLY quickly especially with electronics, and your marginal benefit will start dropping rather quickly too after you pass certain points (though granted for gamers, shelling out more doesn't suffer as much from diminishing returns as one might expect unless you really go for broke in hardware).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/225/5/1/how_to_live_with_introverts_guide_printable_by_sveidt-d5b09fj.jpg)
