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Suicide Notes - Page 16

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sc14s
Profile Joined March 2011
United States5052 Posts
April 17 2012 00:50 GMT
#301
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.

I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.

No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.


Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.

uhh usually its much more severe to be even considered some form of bipolar and by severe i mean super happy ---> uncontrollable rage / anger trust me i had a psychotic step mom for a few years who occasionally didn't take her meds..
Mjolnir
Profile Joined January 2009
912 Posts
April 17 2012 00:55 GMT
#302
On April 17 2012 09:00 Danglars wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:40 Mjolnir wrote:

The fact that someone decided to commit suicide because of medical bills blows my fucking mind. I'm sure there were other things going on but that seemed to be a primary factor in that decison.

Fucking disgraceful - and people still fight against universal health care.

People also commit suicide for losing jobs, losing a bunch of money on the stock market, making a big gamble on the housing market and failing. Hospital bills are not unique in this respect.


No, you're right. Hospital bills aren't unique in that respect - but they are unique in that they reflect the inability of a state to ensure it's citizens have access to healthcare regardless of whether or not they lost their jobs or have no money. The economy can tank, people can lose money in whatever way may come to pass; but with universal health care, at least they know they don't have to worry about whether or not they can get adequate treatment for a fucking infection.

Lose job --> no money for hospital bills --> suicide

Lose job ---> don't need to worry about hospital bills --> keep fighting

Big fucking difference.

ticklishmusic
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States15977 Posts
April 17 2012 01:04 GMT
#303
On April 17 2012 08:58 p4NDemik wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.

I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.

No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.


Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.

Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."


I go through a couple weeks of being pretty normal (more like extremely silly) with friends, and then a couple weeks of being more introverted where I just stay in my room, eat alone, and think. I'm nowhere near a qualified psychiatrist/ psychologist, but I think that fits the basic definition and am more familiar with my own mental state than you are. The only question is whether this is a pretty much permanent thing (I don't think so), or a result of some things that are going on right now.

@the other guy: cool bandwagoning, and trust me, no one appreciates thinly veiled insults than me.

@other other guy: Bipolar is a spectrum, just like pretty much everything in psychology (which far as I understand is a pretty inexact science still). I don't think what I have would be like diagnosis-worthy, but I feel that I'm still a bit more swingy than the so-called average person. Everyone's a bit crazy in their own way.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Angel_
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States1617 Posts
April 17 2012 01:22 GMT
#304
On April 17 2012 10:04 ticklishmusic wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:58 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.

I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.

No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.


Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.

Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."


I go through a couple weeks of being pretty normal (more like extremely silly) with friends, and then a couple weeks of being more introverted where I just stay in my room, eat alone, and think. I'm nowhere near a qualified psychiatrist/ psychologist, but I think that fits the basic definition and am more familiar with my own mental state than you are. The only question is whether this is a pretty much permanent thing (I don't think so), or a result of some things that are going on right now.

@the other guy: cool bandwagoning, and trust me, no one appreciates thinly veiled insults than me.

@other other guy: Bipolar is a spectrum, just like pretty much everything in psychology (which far as I understand is a pretty inexact science still). I don't think what I have would be like diagnosis-worthy, but I feel that I'm still a bit more swingy than the so-called average person. Everyone's a bit crazy in their own way.


bipolar doesnt mean, "i swing between two moods"; that's indicative of literally every mental disorder, as well as people with absolutely nothing wrong with them. beyond that, "norm" isn't a swing of bipolar.
Kira__
Profile Joined April 2011
Sweden2672 Posts
April 17 2012 01:24 GMT
#305
On April 17 2012 10:04 ticklishmusic wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:58 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.

I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.

No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.


Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.

Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."


I go through a couple weeks of being pretty normal (more like extremely silly) with friends, and then a couple weeks of being more introverted where I just stay in my room, eat alone, and think. I'm nowhere near a qualified psychiatrist/ psychologist, but I think that fits the basic definition and am more familiar with my own mental state than you are. The only question is whether this is a pretty much permanent thing (I don't think so), or a result of some things that are going on right now.

@the other guy: cool bandwagoning, and trust me, no one appreciates thinly veiled insults than me.

@other other guy: Bipolar is a spectrum, just like pretty much everything in psychology (which far as I understand is a pretty inexact science still). I don't think what I have would be like diagnosis-worthy, but I feel that I'm still a bit more swingy than the so-called average person. Everyone's a bit crazy in their own way.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia

This sounds like what you've been describing, but obviously none of us are qualified to judge
The truth is, Yagami-kun, I suspect that you may in fact be Kira.
Amaterasu1234
Profile Joined November 2010
United States317 Posts
April 17 2012 01:37 GMT
#306
On April 17 2012 09:15 khaydarin9 wrote:
Happy* people will never be able to understand sadness*. It's like religious people trying to understand atheism - two ontologies, neither of which is inherently "better" than the other, that will never be compatible.

Even the language used to talk about suicidal ideation and depression is hegemonic. If "rational" people don't spontaneously commit suicide, and people who contemplate suicide for a long time must be suffering from a chemical imbalance in their brain, there is no way for someone to commit suicide and not be considered "crazy".

*Not the words I wanted to use, but I find the other binaries to be problematic.


I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

What about those that have been ever so close to the edge of suicide, then stopped, and are now happy people? They understand, I'm sure.

A great deal of introspection (or meditation...whatever you'd like to call it) also helps understanding the suffering of others, even to such extreme degree.
khaydarin9
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Australia423 Posts
April 17 2012 01:46 GMT
#307
On April 17 2012 10:37 Amaterasu1234 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 09:15 khaydarin9 wrote:
Happy* people will never be able to understand sadness*. It's like religious people trying to understand atheism - two ontologies, neither of which is inherently "better" than the other, that will never be compatible.

Even the language used to talk about suicidal ideation and depression is hegemonic. If "rational" people don't spontaneously commit suicide, and people who contemplate suicide for a long time must be suffering from a chemical imbalance in their brain, there is no way for someone to commit suicide and not be considered "crazy".

*Not the words I wanted to use, but I find the other binaries to be problematic.


I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

What about those that have been ever so close to the edge of suicide, then stopped, and are now happy people? They understand, I'm sure.

A great deal of introspection (or meditation...whatever you'd like to call it) also helps understanding the suffering of others, even to such extreme degree.


And yet, the prevalent attitude is "sane people do not commit suicide".

One of the most common platitudes offered to people suffering from depression is "It will get better", which is only true in that you don't really hear from the people for whom it does not get better, because there is a high probability that they have committed suicide.
Be safe, Woo Jung Ho <3
Pokemonxoxo
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States217 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-04-17 02:28:37
April 17 2012 02:27 GMT
#308
Sometimes I can never really understand suicide. I have thought about it before, but I also know that death will come sooner or later, so I promised myself that there is no hurry. I mean I never know what the future brings. Rather if it brings misfortune or happiness, I will still have to die someday, so why the heck not live it out. And if I am extremely unhappy, what is stopping me from changing how things are? I mean if I am willing to commit suicide, then why am I not willing to change the way I live my life, just to see if that other way of living might just be better. When I think about suicide, I think about all the other people who are fighting so hard to live.

For example

Graphic picture
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]

Whenever I see this picture, I interpret it simply as the will to live. The child is starved nearly to death, but despite her state of being she is trying to live. I just can't even contemplate suicidal thoughts anymore because if someone so frail try to fight on living, then at the very least, I can't lose to myself and the thoughts of suicide.
Within and Without
NeMeSiS3
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Canada2972 Posts
April 17 2012 02:33 GMT
#309
On April 17 2012 09:00 Danglars wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:40 Mjolnir wrote:

The fact that someone decided to commit suicide because of medical bills blows my fucking mind. I'm sure there were other things going on but that seemed to be a primary factor in that decison.

Fucking disgraceful - and people still fight against universal health care.

People also commit suicide for losing jobs, losing a bunch of money on the stock market, making a big gamble on the housing market and failing. Hospital bills are not unique in this respect.


see, funny thing about corporate healthcare is, if you get sick and are mid class most of the time your still just fucked outa luck, because apparently someone along the line thought free healthcare was a bad idea, and by someone i generally mean the upper class who get everything they want anyway : P phew for living in a progressive nation hahahaha, id be frighten sick living in the states even with my well paid salary I have if any of my kids got sick.

if anything, that was one of the more reasonable reasons.
FoTG fighting!
Rfaulker
Profile Joined December 2010
United States53 Posts
April 17 2012 03:00 GMT
#310
If I one day found myself suicidal I'd like to kill myself in a badass way, via jellyfish like Will Smith in Seven Pounds, or perhaps in a fun way, like skydiving with no parachute!

...Or is that not the point?
Consistency is proficiency
Aelfric
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Turkey1496 Posts
April 17 2012 03:00 GMT
#311
On April 17 2012 11:27 Pokemonxoxo wrote:
Graphic picture
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]

Whenever I see this picture, I interpret it simply as the will to live. The child is starved nearly to death, but despite her state of being she is trying to live. I just can't even contemplate suicidal thoughts anymore because if someone so frail try to fight on living, then at the very least, I can't lose to myself and the thoughts of suicide.

How can you say from that picture that she is trying to live, stay alive?
Tomorrow never comes until its too late...
Zerothegreat
Profile Joined September 2010
United States787 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-04-17 03:34:19
April 17 2012 03:33 GMT
#312
It's pretty obvious people that commit suicide are not in the right state of mind. They might not be completely insane but in the moment they could feel pressured to take such action. It isn't always depression either; It could be from anger.

You see moments when people get pushed too far and kill another person. It is the same when committing suicide. You are not thinking "clearly" and acting on pure emotion.

I suggest if anyone ever considers taking such action just don't do it. You can't give up or you will never know if life could have gotten better. I like to believe things happen for a reason. I've had my highs, my lows, and some really low lows. Another way to look at it - when you hit the really low lows is that life can't get any worst and things can only go up from there. The world is a big place and there is so much out there to see before you go.
McFeser
Profile Joined July 2011
United States2458 Posts
April 17 2012 03:34 GMT
#313
On April 17 2012 12:00 Rfaulker wrote:
If I one day found myself suicidal I'd like to kill myself in a badass way, via jellyfish like Will Smith in Seven Pounds, or perhaps in a fun way, like skydiving with no parachute!

...Or is that not the point?

If I stopped caring I would go to some third world country and pick a fight with a warlord. That way I feel like I am doing some good
Promethelax still hasn't changed his quote
Amaterasu1234
Profile Joined November 2010
United States317 Posts
April 17 2012 03:45 GMT
#314
On April 17 2012 12:33 Zerothegreat wrote:
It's pretty obvious people that commit suicide are not in the right state of mind. They might not be completely insane but in the moment they could feel pressured to take such action. It isn't always depression either; It could be from anger.

You see moments when people get pushed too far and kill another person. It is the same when committing suicide. You are not thinking "clearly" and acting on pure emotion.

I suggest if anyone ever considers taking such action just don't do it. You can't give up or you will never know if life could have gotten better. I like to believe things happen for a reason. I've had my highs, my lows, and some really low lows. Another way to look at it - when you hit the really low lows is that life can't get any worst and things can only go up from there. The world is a big place and there is so much out there to see before you go.


Yeah...you know, 'cause it's that easy to just convince yourself all is going to get better soon...

Let's not trivialize suicidal thoughts/feelings, alright. It's easy to say "just don't do it". It's entirely another to see past the events that ultimately led to the present suicidal state and actually realize that suicide probably isn't the best thing...
Deleted User 108965
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
1096 Posts
April 17 2012 03:51 GMT
#315
On April 17 2012 10:04 ticklishmusic wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 08:58 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:
On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.

I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.

No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.


Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.

Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."


I go through a couple weeks of being pretty normal (more like extremely silly) with friends, and then a couple weeks of being more introverted where I just stay in my room, eat alone, and think. I'm nowhere near a qualified psychiatrist/ psychologist, but I think that fits the basic definition and am more familiar with my own mental state than you are. The only question is whether this is a pretty much permanent thing (I don't think so), or a result of some things that are going on right now.

@the other guy: cool bandwagoning, and trust me, no one appreciates thinly veiled insults than me.

@other other guy: Bipolar is a spectrum, just like pretty much everything in psychology (which far as I understand is a pretty inexact science still). I don't think what I have would be like diagnosis-worthy, but I feel that I'm still a bit more swingy than the so-called average person. Everyone's a bit crazy in their own way.


trust me dude you arent anywhere near bipolar. people have mood swings, it's normal. bipolar people go from periods of complete mania, to utterly dehabilitating depression without warning. it's severe
Disciple....Top 3 control in Clarion County
Zerothegreat
Profile Joined September 2010
United States787 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-04-17 04:18:04
April 17 2012 04:15 GMT
#316
On April 17 2012 12:45 Amaterasu1234 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 12:33 Zerothegreat wrote:
It's pretty obvious people that commit suicide are not in the right state of mind. They might not be completely insane but in the moment they could feel pressured to take such action. It isn't always depression either; It could be from anger.

You see moments when people get pushed too far and kill another person. It is the same when committing suicide. You are not thinking "clearly" and acting on pure emotion.

I suggest if anyone ever considers taking such action just don't do it. You can't give up or you will never know if life could have gotten better. I like to believe things happen for a reason. I've had my highs, my lows, and some really low lows. Another way to look at it - when you hit the really low lows is that life can't get any worst and things can only go up from there. The world is a big place and there is so much out there to see before you go.


Yeah...you know, 'cause it's that easy to just convince yourself all is going to get better soon...

Let's not trivialize suicidal thoughts/feelings, alright. It's easy to say "just don't do it". It's entirely another to see past the events that ultimately led to the present suicidal state and actually realize that suicide probably isn't the best thing...


Sad fact is that it is as easy as that. Some people just like to over complicate things. A lot of choices come from emotions which affect how we think. No matter how bad you got it someone always has it worst.

Also, you should use these struggles in life and spin them off into a positive. Who knows? You might save someone some day because you can sympathize with what they are going through.
Gamegene
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States8308 Posts
April 17 2012 04:30 GMT
#317
suicide note
Janice Mirikitani

How many notes written . . .
ink smeared like birdprints in snow.

not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough

dear mother and father.
I apologize
for disappointing you.
I've worked very hard,
not good enough
harder, perhaps to please you.

If only I were a son, shoulders broad
as the sunset threading through pine,
I would see the light in my mother's
eyes, or the golden pride reflected
in my father's dream
of my wide, male hands worthy of work
and comfort.

I would swagger through life
muscled and bold and assured,
drawing praises to me
like currents in the bed of wind, virile
with confidence.

not good enough not strong enough not good enough

I apologize.
Tasks do not come easily.
Each failure, a glacier.
Each disapproval, a bootprint.
Each disappointment,
ice above my river.
So I have worked hard.

not good enough.
My sacrifice I will drop
bone by bone, perched
on the ledge of my womanhood,
fragile as wings.

not strong enough
It is snowing steadily
surely not good weather
for flying - this sparrow
sillied and dizzied by the wind
on the edge.

not smart enough.
I make this ledge my altar
to offer penance.
This air will not hold me,
the snow burdens my crippled wings,

my tears drop like bitter cloth
softly into the gutter below.

not good enough not strong enough not smart enough

Choices thin as shaved
ice. Notes shredded
drift like snow
on my broken body,
covers me like whispers
of sorries.

Perhaps when they find me
they will bury
my bird bones beneath
a sturdy pine

and scatter my feathers like
unspoken song
over this white and cold and silent

breast of earth.
Throw on your favorite jacket and you're good to roll. Stroll through the trees and let your miseries go.
ryanAnger
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
United States838 Posts
April 17 2012 04:31 GMT
#318
On April 17 2012 13:15 Zerothegreat wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 17 2012 12:45 Amaterasu1234 wrote:
On April 17 2012 12:33 Zerothegreat wrote:
It's pretty obvious people that commit suicide are not in the right state of mind. They might not be completely insane but in the moment they could feel pressured to take such action. It isn't always depression either; It could be from anger.

You see moments when people get pushed too far and kill another person. It is the same when committing suicide. You are not thinking "clearly" and acting on pure emotion.

I suggest if anyone ever considers taking such action just don't do it. You can't give up or you will never know if life could have gotten better. I like to believe things happen for a reason. I've had my highs, my lows, and some really low lows. Another way to look at it - when you hit the really low lows is that life can't get any worst and things can only go up from there. The world is a big place and there is so much out there to see before you go.


Yeah...you know, 'cause it's that easy to just convince yourself all is going to get better soon...

Let's not trivialize suicidal thoughts/feelings, alright. It's easy to say "just don't do it". It's entirely another to see past the events that ultimately led to the present suicidal state and actually realize that suicide probably isn't the best thing...


Sad fact is that it is as easy as that. Some people just like to over complicate things. A lot of choices come from emotions which affect how we think. No matter how bad you got it someone always has it worst.

Also, you should use these struggles in life and spin them off into a positive. Who knows? You might save someone some day because you can sympathize with what they are going through.


In the moment, there is nothing worse. When you are emotionally degraded every single day of your life because your dad tells you that he wishes you had never been born, and you live with the knowledge that your mother abandoned you at the age of 6, to never speak to you again, there is nothing worse.

When the bruises and cuts and scrapes cover every portion of your body that clothes can hide, and you are too afraid to tell anyone about them because you just KNOW he will kill you, there is nothing worse.

When you are locked in what essentially amounts to solitary confinement in your bedroom with nothing to do but think for an entire month in the summer, there is nothing worse.

When you are 12 years old and you know the pain won't stop for at least another 6 years, there is nothing worse.

When you put the noose around your neck, and jump off of the top bunk of your bed, only to struggle because you weren't heavy enough to snap your neck on the way down and slowly slip into unconsciousness, the relief is immense. Even those few minutes of pain and struggle are nothing compared to the pain you've felt for as long as you can remember.

And when your brother finds you there and gets you down from what would surely be your place of death and slaps you until you wake up? You wake up and you realize that you had failed yet again. And you cry. For hours. Because your sweet relief was taken from you and now you won't have the courage to try again because it took so fucking long to build it in the first place. There is nothing worse.



Unless you've been there, you don't have a clue.
On my way...
Gamegene
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States8308 Posts
April 17 2012 04:33 GMT
#319
My boss, Kenneth J., seduced me and made me pregnant. He refuses to help me. I had not had intercourse in two years. He says that I will have to suffer through it by myself.
Several people know about this — my doctor, Dr. James R., and Pete M., who works at Willams. Pete and I never had a love affair, although Kenneth would like to drag Pete into it. Also, Dr. Arnold W. knows about it.
I have always been such a good girl.

Daddy dear —

As much as it hurts me, I cannot make it this Friday. I may be in very serious trouble. I have always been a very good person, but it looks like I really got in a mess, through no real fault of my own.

I must have been born to suffer.

Love - Elizabeth

P.S. Call me if you can. When will Sally be back? I may need her desperately.
Throw on your favorite jacket and you're good to roll. Stroll through the trees and let your miseries go.
Skamtet
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada634 Posts
April 17 2012 04:42 GMT
#320
The attitude against depression in this thread is depressing. If you haven't had any experiences, or know anyone with any experiences you don't have a real opinion on this.
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