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On April 17 2012 06:22 Grohg wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 06:09 Nyarly wrote:
I often tell myself that even if i want to kill myself so badly, i just can't because i couldn't leave this world without writing something.
The only "problem" is that i have no idea how to puts the words and what i want to say the most for the last words. Everytime i think about it. I'm still hesistating, will it be a book, a biography, a letter (to who?), a simple sentence, a word, a quick note, something funny, something true, something weird, ...
So that's kinda what keeps me alive really.
Now i don't know if i should read this link xD That's why you talk with someone who is a professional in the field who is trained to help you with any suicidal feelings. There is a neurological reason for feelings like crap and often it can be remedied through cognitive therapy or specialized medicine. There are a ton of options for help...the real issue shouldn't be about what to write to leave when you're gone. You should find help so that you can keep going and write about the goodness of life. Everyone has extended periods of extreme lows, even years of it...trust me. Finding a way to enjoy life while you have it is important. If you are really feeling that way you NEED to tell someone who can help you find a solution.
Oh it's not always that simple..
I read the link, there are a lot of people that do it because they're angry at someone or something, i don't think it's a good enough reason.
But I'm seriously sick and i know it. Having said 10% of what i think to someone once, she asked me if i wanted to be followed closely by an hospital. I didn't agree. Now i know that if i see someone again and tell him everything, he won't ask but order me to be sent away in a mental hospital.
I won't spend the rest of my life in a cell for everybody's safety. So i'm just waiting to find the way to put the words on the paper 
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On April 17 2012 06:29 Arkless wrote:
Honestly, now that I'm done reading some of those notes. I wish I never found this thread........ So sad. Whether u are pro/anti suicide (can there be a pro suicide argument ? lol) This is still a human being much like you and me. With sentient thought, emotions, and feelings. I've had some pretty dark times in my life, and maybe I'm just a pussy when it comes down to it. But never have I entertained the idea of suicide.
To quote the great Tyrion Lannister
Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.
Trust me, you haven't experienced depression like a lot of these people have. Everyone who talks about how suicide is irrational and all of that just clearly hasn't been seriously depressed like these people. Nothing in the world seems more rational than suicide to a person whose seriously depressed. Why continue in a life when its just negative compounded with more negative? Surely it COULD get better, but the chances usually aren't high enough to warrant the amount of pain and suffering they deal with daily. Once someone disconnects themselves with the idea of them hurting any friends/family with their own death, that's when nothing is left to stand in the way.
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United States13896 Posts
That's a bit perturbing Nyarly. I hope you reach some kind of peace of mind that doesn't involve any harm to your person or anyone you know. Without professional help that can be very difficult, but I won't go so far to say its impossible, so best of luck to you.
On April 17 2012 06:54 eFonSG wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 06:29 Arkless wrote:
Honestly, now that I'm done reading some of those notes. I wish I never found this thread........ So sad. Whether u are pro/anti suicide (can there be a pro suicide argument ? lol) This is still a human being much like you and me. With sentient thought, emotions, and feelings. I've had some pretty dark times in my life, and maybe I'm just a pussy when it comes down to it. But never have I entertained the idea of suicide.
To quote the great Tyrion Lannister
Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities. Trust me, you haven't experienced depression like a lot of these people have. Everyone who talks about how suicide is irrational and all of that just clearly hasn't been seriously depressed like these people. Nothing in the world seems more rational than suicide to a person whose seriously depressed. Why continue in a life when its just negative compounded with more negative? Surely it COULD get better, but the chances usually aren't high enough to warrant the amount of pain and suffering they deal with daily. Once someone disconnects themselves with the idea of them hurting any friends/family with their own death, that's when nothing is left to stand in the way.
Straight-forward major depression isn't the only road to suicide, and many times it can be quite the irrational thought process. Not to say you are entirely wrong, but for many whatever "reasoning" remains is extremely warped by a completely loss of sanity, at which point there is very little reason to their actions.
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one of my friends committed suicide about 2 months ago, he didn't leave a note or anything. it really sucks because sometimes friends/family just want to know why they did it..
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I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.
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Luckily many people find relief in mindfulness or Ekhart Tolle' teachings.
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On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.
No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.
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On April 17 2012 06:36 NeMeSiS3 wrote:It's crazy to read this stuff, I'm glad TL was mature enough not to flame this or close it. sad reads though. Show nested quote +Fall quarter I called Suicide Prevention. I'd called them before and the people were nice, but this time the woman acted a little indignant. "Why the hell do you want to do something like that?" she asked. We talked until she said she had other phone calls. But she made me promise I wouldn't try it without calling back first. I had a bottle of Coricidin from a wisdom tooth operation. I'd been thinking about it for a month off and on. Much later that night I took ten Coricidin and went to bed. I woke up in the morning feeling really rotten -- weepy, groggy. I could hardly move I thought I was going to die any minute. My roommate came home and got a friend to drive me to the school infirmary, where they gave me something that made me sick to my stomach. The doctor who gave it to me calmed me down. She said it happens to a lot of people, the pills wouldn't hurt me. I felt tingly, like I might pass out any minute.
I was immediately taken in a wheelchair to the psychiatrist's office. I talked to him about five minutes. He kept yelling ta me about why did I take the pills, why didn't I do this or that. I remember thinking, boy this man is a real jerk. I told him I didn't want to see him any more. He said, "That's fine," and put me in a locked room with bars on the windows. I couldn't make phone calls. I felt humiliated, which made me angry. I'm not crazy. I'm not weird. I don't want people to look at me like I'm nuts. I'm not some nutty kid who tried to knock herself off. I was most angry at being stuck in that room. I expected to be put in a straitjacket any minute. I complained until they moved me a pretty room and let me make phone calls.
I was there about two weeks. My psychiatrist kept harping at me about school -- was I going to stay in or drop out? I saw him ten minutes a day. The other patients and one orderly helped me a lot more than he did. I just wanted to find a place where I could be alone and think about things. I left feeling like not much had been accomplished, except letting me know that I didn't want to attempt it again. No -- I feel like I've become a lot more sensitive to people. I don't look at their problems as trivial any more. I almost like it when my friends come to me with problems. I feel like I can help now. I still haven't told the two people I was most angry at -- my father and my boyfriend -- why I was in the hospital. This one got me the deepest, in my opinion it was an overworked stressed student who just needed council but got some arrogant fuck who knows nothing on the subject of mental health and how to treat it... Barbaric fuck, it's like the dark ages when you read about idiots like these who if anything forced the hand to take it's own life from this girl.
It's an unfortunate thing across therapists, psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists; generally they decide what approach they think will best help you, or just use whatever approach they think most people "need", and apply it, where it then can be the exact opposite of what that person needs and completely alienate them from the idea getting professional help ever.
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Man, some of those are hard to read.
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The fact that someone decided to commit suicide because of medical bills blows my fucking mind. I'm sure there were other things going on but that seemed to be a primary factor in that decison.
Fucking disgraceful - and people still fight against universal health care.
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On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope. No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is.
Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.
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those were pretty interesting to read, some really messed up ones in there
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On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope. No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.
then youre missing about a dozen things.
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United States13896 Posts
On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope. No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition.
Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."
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On April 17 2012 08:40 Mjolnir wrote:
The fact that someone decided to commit suicide because of medical bills blows my fucking mind. I'm sure there were other things going on but that seemed to be a primary factor in that decison.
Fucking disgraceful - and people still fight against universal health care.
People also commit suicide for losing jobs, losing a bunch of money on the stock market, making a big gamble on the housing market and failing. Hospital bills are not unique in this respect.
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Happy* people will never be able to understand sadness*. It's like religious people trying to understand atheism - two ontologies, neither of which is inherently "better" than the other, that will never be compatible.
Even the language used to talk about suicidal ideation and depression is hegemonic. If "rational" people don't spontaneously commit suicide, and people who contemplate suicide for a long time must be suffering from a chemical imbalance in their brain, there is no way for someone to commit suicide and not be considered "crazy".
*Not the words I wanted to use, but I find the other binaries to be problematic.
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+ Show Spoiler +On April 17 2012 08:58 p4NDemik wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2012 08:41 ticklishmusic wrote:On April 17 2012 07:40 p4NDemik wrote:On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope. No offense but reading that I don't think you have a very good grasp of what bipolar disorder is. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm using the correct definition. Trust me you have no idea wtf you're talking about if you refer to yourself as "a bit bipolar."
I have a friend who is bipolar. And not "a bit bipolar". Like totally on top of the world and the best fun ever for 1 hour to fits of tears and not wanting to move and totally depressed and angry and the change can happen in seconds. Disorders like this make suicide far far more likely im led to believe, as when people with this condition get bad news they can become incredibly unhappy, more unhappy than many people imagine is possible, and well... then they can make bad decisions too 
I love the human brain for how amazing it can be.
But...
I hate the brain for how it can totally ruin you and destroy everything.
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United States13896 Posts
I've been told mixed-manic episodes (what you seem to be describing) are among the most dangerous psychiatric states someone can find themselves in. The depressive moments can be so low that you have those suicidal thoughts, and then the manic moments which come must minutes or hours after can give you the excessive energy and disjointed state of mind that can easily result in suicide. Truly terrifying stuff.
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I'm sorry, but if your world doesn't revolve around you there's a problem. People have a ton of things in their lives that would drive them to commit suicide, and to criticize them for that decision is wrong.
Some people just have tougher skins than others.
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On April 17 2012 07:20 ticklishmusic wrote:
I'm probably a bit bipolar-- sometimes I'm silly and outgoing, other times (most of the time) I'm pretty quiet and reflective, even tending toward what people would call the "depressed side". Sure, there's some things wrong with my life that I can't control, but there's some good stuff too.
I know that depression isn't necessarily the road to suicide, but I sometimes wonder how close I've been in my darkest moments. Probably not really, I hope.
probably better to use the terms introverted and unfulfilled than claiming to potentially have bipolar disorder...
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EPT
