No, not cheesy variety that sets highshool kids' hearts aflutter; not the fire that wankers feel when they spot hot fancy-dressed and generously-bosomed women; not the "for fun" stuff kids enjoy these days. Just plain old simple love that translates to long-lasting relationship, marriage or otherwise.
I'm not particularly geeky, but in the entiretly of my 3 year college education thus far, I have had a grand total of one romantic love. One. I had it for six months, in what could be the best days of my life. Long story short, it ended. And after drowning in a few good ales, a few nights of drowning, it was as if nothing happened.
"Love is an illusion", my literature professor told the class. Everyone was up in arms. He is 30ish, and, by the looks of it, has had quite a few battles of his own. He is also "in a relationship". If he said this two years ago, when I was mad drunk with this demonic potion, I would have violently protested as well. I don't know why, but what he said seemed truthful, and I was eager to listen. But the room still chorused: "No, love is everything", "All you need is love", "I'll die for love"...
This is how our professor replied: When you are young, like you are, love is perfect. You see the best in a person, you'll die for it - you'll even live by it alone. After college, when you get a job and begin to face real life, love becomes a matter mostly of physical attraction. You'll still promise the moon and wish for the stars, but you become more honest. When you are in your 30s, love becomes more urgent, and really more practical. Physical attraction is still a great consideration, but love occurs mostly as a function of trust and communication - a decision to love someone and to work around the flaws of each other. At forties, love is just anyone who is willing to spend time with you. Beyond this, love becomes a falsity. you just want to have someone with you. Anyone.
This is such a dark outlook on love and life, but it seems true. I do not completely subscribe to his notion of love as a practical thing that people agree on, but I still hold on to my innocent understanding of love - I adore you, you are beautiful, smart, funny, etc., but I know you are perfect, and neither am I; but let's make this work.
For a lot of people, love IS an illusion. For instance, if you've never been in love and only read about it in books or seen it in films, you don't know what love is. There's a lot of talk about what a relationship "should be" or what love "should be", because, I think, the majority of people get their experiences of love from books/films. I'm sure most of the people that claim that they'd "die for love" have never been in love, but only experienced it in stories. People think WAY too much about it. In reality, love is ephemeral and you should treasure it while it lasts, but I don't think you should try to hold on to it when it is gone or go out of your way to find it.
...are...are you saying my true love for Kennigt in the closd threads section is naught but an illusion... What is this madness!? :D. Anyways, I agree with your prof. I think it becomes more a question of practical and what 'works' and less romantic love at first sight. GL dood!
On August 27 2012 17:23 Severedevil wrote: To my eye, real love stems from understanding the subject of your affection, deeply. Without understanding, it's merely positive emotion.
Couldn't agree more with this.
Though for some reason I relate the feeling of "love" to just negative things, mind you, I'm biased cause I've only had bad experiences. I always found it impressive how love changes the way people act. You may have somebody who is generally introverted at first, but afterwards you can find him doing even the most outrageous things just for the person he loves.
I like how he calls it an illussion, and then continues to define how it affects us. I can definitely see love as a social construct with lots of surrounding elements that are expected of it, but his pessimistic definition isn't really more true than some idealistic definition anyway.
It's obviously not some simplified model with 4-stages that everyone goes through at least.
What kind of love are you talking about? The romantic one? Because the romantic one is really an ilusion, and it lasts, at most, for 4 years. Evolution gave it us to have a couple, be in real love to have kids, help her at the first years, and then go find another one.
But there's another kind of love, don't know how to call it, which is not so "I'll die for you", but it's still enjoyable and lasts longer. I haven't read too much scientific stuff about it, but it's not an illusion and it's why some relations last forever.
Love is, more than anything else, hard work and compromise. That is not to say it's bad, or not worth it, but you're investing so much in a relationship with another human being, that it is essential you understand that loving someone requires work.
Commonly people associate the blissful early months of a relationship with love, when nothing seems to come between you and your girl. The problem is that while certainly it is an amazing period of the relationship, it really doesn't mean much, you can experience this with almost anyone that is remotely compatible to you.
It's what comes beyond, that defines love. It's the realization that you will not allow yourself to succumb to mundane problems, that you will work every day to make sure you keep your little family together. You cannot float on a cloud of something superficial if you intend to spend the rest of your life with another human being. There are going to be conflicts, and if you're willing to work through them, something amazing can happen to you.
It's been almost 10 years now that I started dating my highschool girlfriend, I was 17 at the time.
Love isn't some cheesy Hollywood depiction of the first year of your relationship, it's the little things you do for each other every day. Be it something simple as offering to take care of our child and bring me a chicken burger to the sofa so I can continue watching The International, or a slightly more formal planning of a nice dinner and symphony concert because she deserves it.
Love is, more than anything, the realization that you're willing to spend your life, all of it, the good and the bad, with another person.
I was going to write out a long post, but I have to head to school soon D:
To make things really basic and short, would it be fair to say that love it the appreciation of one's consciousness and lust is appreciation of the other person's body?
On August 27 2012 17:36 FallenStar wrote: What kind of love are you talking about? The romantic one? Because the romantic one is really an ilusion, and it lasts, at most, for 4 years. Evolution gave it us to have a couple, be in real love to have kids, help her at the first years, and then go find another one.
But there's another kind of love, don't know how to call it, which is not so "I'll die for you", but it's still enjoyable and lasts longer. I haven't read too much scientific stuff about it, but it's not an illusion and it's why some relations last forever.
This. Romantic love is extremely sweet, but not lasting. What comes afterwards is either boredom... or "true love", which is just trust and a level of comfort, and that's when you know you found something good. I'm getting married next year, the passionate romantic feelings we used to have for eachother are gone... but that doesn't mean we don't love eachother. I can be with my GF constantly, for weeks on end, and not tire of her, which is something I can say about probably no other person in the world. We never fight like most couples do.
So I think it's pretty valid to say "love is an illusion", but that depends on your own definition of love.
Sadly, I'm inclined to agree with your professor, OP.
Love is extremely complicated and multifaceted. There are many different ways it can pan out and manifest. It's extremely powerful, but like your professor said, it, and what you look for in it, changes.
I always thought the notion of love as a feeling or even a noun seems kind of limited. I consider love to be something very much related to choice, it is when you choose to put the other person before yourself that love becomes true. For me, love is the opposite of selfishness. I definitely think love is something you do, much more than something that just "is". I think a marriage becomes true when you choose to share everything that you are and have with your significant other (or rather, are prepared to share everything).
I believe love in a marriage should be about giving yourself away. To make the other person more important than yourself in your life.
the only 'true love' that exists is the love of self (...because you have to and it's unconditioned). all other kinds of love are a projection of that love on to someone/something based on an assumption.
'To Love: I didn't ask you to stay. But you stayed. I never asked you who you were Or what you wanted. You were simply there. What did you want from me, love? Was I not stronger alone? And did I ever need you? But stay a bit longer. Not long until they stop asking how I am and I stop answering, "Fine." Everyone can tell at a glance: You are here. If you ever leave me I will go with you. '
On August 27 2012 19:34 xM(Z wrote: the only 'true love' that exists is the love of self (...because you have to and it's unconditioned). all other kinds of love are a projection of that love on to someone/something based on an assumption.
Then I assume that I am the offspring of my parents and love them for giving me the chance to live life.
Yes, love is an illusion. It is only instinctively caused by chemical reactions inside your brain. All of this to achieve one sole goal: to plant your seed, transmit your genetic material in order for our specie to continue harboring the soil of this world for as long as it can.
In reality, love is an abstraction developped within our societies to mask one thing: we're still slaves to instincts. the Man's cognitive abilites just packaged it a bit so that it's easier to accept.
Love is the release of either Vasopressin if you're a male or Oxytocin if you're a female in your brain, during interactions with a member of the opposite sex who you deem attractive.
I'm in love with this girl I knew in junior high, we were 12 years old at the time. I liked her a lot and went out with her one time, but she just didn't want anything from me. Then High School started and we lost each other for about 10 years, including univeristy time. One day I met her in a club: we talked a bit and she left. Destiny wanted that we met again in a pub some days later and we began to talk: we went out the next days, we kissed and man, it felt good. Ten years of waiting. By the way, in this whole process she told me that she was in love with me in junior high but girls are stupid at that age and she wanted older guys etc.
The problem was that she was studying abroad for a year: I met her during Christmas holidays, so only 6 months to go :S we visited each other each month, more or less (my parents were so pissed off by the expenses for the plane tickets ) then in april I did one of the craziest things of my life: I took my car and drove to her in one day (1800 km, from Italy to southern Spain: I left at 6 am and arrived at 23 pm) and we rent a house together where we lived for two months, then we returned back by car together.
I'm having a wonderful time with this girl...just lately my scumbag brain is playing tricks on me for some reasons, I can't get past the fact that she had some relationships/boys before me. I know it's stupid, I also had some girls, but this thing is just consuming me. There are nights where I can't even sleep.
I want to carry on, because I'm sure this is true love, love that makes you do crazy things like that car drive. Hope I will be able to...
There are some studies about love and the chemical reactions it sparks on our bodies.
In that way, it seems there are two kinds of love:
- The passion love, which is the magic of the first time, the butterflies, the long weekends without getting of the bed (and using a full box of condoms) In such state, your body pumps adrenaline in big quantities with a bit of endorfines. That is the reason you can't sleep, and you feel so wonderful and full of energy.
Unfortunately, our bodies cannot withstand such state for long (for auto conservation features), and at 2 years maximum, it just fades away and "the magic is lost"
So, how is that couples stay together more than that? Here enters the second kind of love:
- The confident love. On this state, which will replace the passion love, your body stops pumping adrenaline, but keeps dosing you endorfines when you are with the loved one. You have lost your energy, having sex all day is not that matters (although any good relationship is always fueled with the passion of sex) and all you have is the happiness of being with other human being and sharing a life and a long term project with him/her.
Nonetheless, both states are not tied to any stage or age of your life, and you can find a confident love at 18 yo with your first girlfriend and a passion love with 50 with a new met guy in the office.
Also, it is more or less clear that sex is what fuel both loves, pumping your body with adrenaline and endorfine. It will just reverse the quantities, being more adrenaline on the passion love, and less in the confident love.
That is the reason the cheating exists. There are some people which, even with someone to love in a confident way, lusts for the first days of magic only the passion love can give you.
Love might be an illusion but it still feels more real than everything else in this world. For better or for worse. I don't know much about love though.
On August 27 2012 20:09 RageBot wrote: Love is the release of either Vasopressin if you're a male or Oxytocin if you're a female in your brain, during interactions with a member of the opposite sex who you deem attractive.
Basically, more than being some cryptic rule book that has no relevance to today, with proper investigation the Bible has a lot of really real, timeless, sound teaching on lots of human-nature-problems. Love is a big one. There's no way to bridge the topic adequately without quoting the most popular exposition on 'what is love' baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
1 Corinthians 13, very famous (e.g. weddings)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
"Because of the grandeur of its language, this passage is widely recognized as really great literature. So it’s often read, completely out of context, at weddings and at memorial services - such as at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, by the then Prime Minister Tony Blair. Barack Obama also referenced it in his 2009 inaugural address to the nation, quoting the words “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” (v11). When it’s read outside of its context it offers lofty sentiment with a Christian feel, but without making any overt Christian statement. So it can sound highly noble and inspirational. But it generally remains simply as words out of context and nothing more."
“In the secular realm [dat’s us, on TL, in modern society etc.] there is probably no topic that has been written about more than love [girl blogs?]. It’s inspired some of the world’s best music and best poetry – as well as some of its worst. But to get to the love which ‘remains’, as distinct from that which sooner or later passes away, this comes alone from the revelation which only God can give.”
He summarizes C.S.Lewis’ classic “The Four Loves”, where Lewis (Mr. Narnia) goes through and examines ‘the 4 different Greek words for “love” in the New Testament. These each portray different nuances and sides of ‘love’:
“But the choice-centred love agape speaks of is not passing in nature, but ‘remains’. It’s not variable. It doesn’t degenerate with the passing of time. It doesn’t have to be re-worked as time goes on. It simply ‘remains’ because it is centred in eternity.”
“It “always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It always perseveres” Such love is just not possible out of purely human strength: sooner or later we run out of human resource for such love. It’s only made possible by the realization of the continuing extent of God’s love for us, clearing up our mess day after day, bearing everything we throw at Him, still affirming us as His child and ministering His identity to us. It’s only as we have the continuing revelation of His abiding love to us, which we then choose to remain in, that we can look to love others with love which always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.”
Quite reminds me of a certain William Blake poem: + Show Spoiler +
"Love seeketh not itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for another gives its ease, And builds a heaven in hell's despair."
So sung a little Clod of Clay, Trodden with the cattle's feet, But a Pebble of the brook Warbled out these metres meet:
"Love seeketh only Self to please, To bind another to its delight, Joys in another's loss of ease, And builds a hell in heaven's despite."
To address the OP everything you mention is true- depending on who you ask. But my two cents is that love is making the most of what you have and just settling for it.
On August 27 2012 20:10 SoSexy wrote: I'm in love with this girl I knew in junior high, we were 12 years old at the time. I liked her a lot and went out with her one time, but she just didn't want anything from me. Then High School started and we lost each other for about 10 years, including univeristy time. One day I met her in a club: we talked a bit and she left. Destiny wanted that we met again in a pub some days later and we began to talk: we went out the next days, we kissed and man, it felt good. Ten years of waiting. By the way, in this whole process she told me that she was in love with me in junior high but girls are stupid at that age and she wanted older guys etc.
The problem was that she was studying abroad for a year: I met her during Christmas holidays, so only 6 months to go :S we visited each other each month, more or less (my parents were so pissed off by the expenses for the plane tickets ) then in april I did one of the craziest things of my life: I took my car and drove to her in one day (1800 km, from Italy to southern Spain: I left at 6 am and arrived at 23 pm) and we rent a house together where we lived for two months, then we returned back by car together.
I'm having a wonderful time with this girl...just lately my scumbag brain is playing tricks on me for some reasons, I can't get past the fact that she had some relationships/boys before me. I know it's stupid, I also had some girls, but this thing is just consuming me. There are nights where I can't even sleep.
I want to carry on, because I'm sure this is true love, love that makes you do crazy things like that car drive. Hope I will be able to...
WHY is this not in a girl blog???? Make a girl blog!!!!
On topic: guy quoted in OP is probably just bitter about his shitty romantic life.
On August 27 2012 19:34 xM(Z wrote: the only 'true love' that exists is the love of self (...because you have to and it's unconditioned). all other kinds of love are a projection of that love on to someone/something based on an assumption.
Then I assume that I am the offspring of my parents and love them for giving me the chance to live life.
that's not love, it's debt. you are/feel indebted to them. also, your parents did not made 'you', else it would mean that they could predict the future, your future.
Is this so specific that it only applies to your partner ? what about your parents or your siblings ? To me it seems like love is trust, respect, honesty, forgiveness, understanding, selflessness and probably many more things that i can't think of now.. Unless this professor specialises in love I don't see how he can give any better advice then then your next door neighbour.
People experience life in different ways and make their own judgements on their own past not everyone else's.
On August 27 2012 17:44 Shiragaku wrote: I was going to write out a long post, but I have to head to school soon D:
To make things really basic and short, would it be fair to say that love it the appreciation of one's consciousness and lust is appreciation of the other person's body?
No, love has very little to do with 'appreciation'. To put it very bluntly, loving someone, in a real, long term, relationship basically means that you'll put up with their shit and still find them attractive and want to be with them.
Love is all about the mundane, the day to day. It has very little to do with grand gestures and immense feelings. That, if anything, is lust, which isn't just confined to wanting to rip someones clothes off, lust is that strong attraction you initially feel.
We are ultimately comfortable with routine, with mundane. We like our little space in the world and we like it to remain fairly constant, at least once you pass a certain age. This is what love essential stems from, its being with someone and not wanting that to change, they annoy you from time to time, but you can put up with it because they are always there and that change would be too big a jolt to your life.
That's ultimately what builds a long and loving relationship, a mutual understanding that neither of you are perfect, but you don't want things to change, you are content with your life and the person you are sharing it with.
This is why love is such an anomaly for the young, including myself. Often we haven't reach that stage in our lives when we want things to remain constant and so we have no real need to develop those 'deeper' feelings of attachment to someone, because we are still young, we can change our relationship and its no big deal, maybe a few hurt feelings, drinks and tears but you don't have kids, share a mortgage, know what makes each other tick on a day to day basis, losing them wouldn't be like losing a part of yourself.
I hope that makes at least some semblance of sense. I would also say that while it may initially seem like a very pessimistic view, it really isn't and at some point you'll probably have a better understanding of why that is, but it's just one of those things you have to figure out on your own.
The professor isn't saying anything very controversial. When he says love doesn't exist he means love as we perceive it in youth, in its highly idealized hollywood delivered form. Of course classroom full of media addled young PUKES instinctively move to protest "All you need is love", etc. Funny how their expressions are all cliched lyrics from highly overrated John Lennon ditties. It seems the jist of what he is saying is that what love means to you is circumstantial. When we are young we are not yet defeated by life so it means the most intensely emotional, physically, beautiful thing it could mean, a Romeo and Juliet kind of story. Later on, after a few defeats, its about sex on the beach, bitch. And later on, a few defeats later, it's about someone who understands you and doesn't friggin stab you in the back!! But what I don't agree with is the way he talks like this is inevitable. It may unfold this way for many people, but some people due to their success in life, or what have you, won't ever have to settle for one of his more pragmatic, humble definitions of love.
Love could mean having a true connection to a deflated volleyball named Wilson on a desert island should life screw us over enough. Or, if we are lucky enough, it could mean something akin to a Shakespearan classic.
On August 27 2012 19:57 Saaph wrote: Yes, love is an illusion. It is only instinctively caused by chemical reactions inside your brain. All of this to achieve one sole goal: to plant your seed, transmit your genetic material in order for our specie to continue harboring the soil of this world for as long as it can.
In reality, love is an abstraction developped within our societies to mask one thing: we're still slaves to instincts. the Man's cognitive abilites just packaged it a bit so that it's easier to accept.
Saying that love is chemicals and is a physical reaction is the exact opposite of saying that love is an illusion.
On August 27 2012 20:30 bITt.mAN wrote: Basically, more than being some cryptic rule book that has no relevance to today, with proper investigation the Bible has a lot of really real, timeless, sound teaching on lots of human-nature-problems. Love is a big one. There's no way to bridge the topic adequately without quoting the most popular exposition on 'what is love' baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
"Because of the grandeur of its language, this passage is widely recognized as really great literature. So it’s often read, completely out of context, at weddings and at memorial services - such as at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, by the then Prime Minister Tony Blair. Barack Obama also referenced it in his 2009 inaugural address to the nation, quoting the words “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” (v11). When it’s read outside of its context it offers lofty sentiment with a Christian feel, but without making any overt Christian statement. So it can sound highly noble and inspirational. But it generally remains simply as words out of context and nothing more."
“In the secular realm [dat’s us, on TL, in modern society etc.] there is probably no topic that has been written about more than love [girl blogs?]. It’s inspired some of the world’s best music and best poetry – as well as some of its worst. But to get to the love which ‘remains’, as distinct from that which sooner or later passes away, this comes alone from the revelation which only God can give.”
He summarizes C.S.Lewis’ classic “The Four Loves”, where Lewis (Mr. Narnia) goes through and examines ‘the 4 different Greek words for “love” in the New Testament. These each portray different nuances and sides of ‘love’:
“But the choice-centred love agape speaks of is not passing in nature, but ‘remains’. It’s not variable. It doesn’t degenerate with the passing of time. It doesn’t have to be re-worked as time goes on. It simply ‘remains’ because it is centred in eternity.”
“It “always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It always perseveres” Such love is just not possible out of purely human strength: sooner or later we run out of human resource for such love. It’s only made possible by the realization of the continuing extent of God’s love for us, clearing up our mess day after day, bearing everything we throw at Him, still affirming us as His child and ministering His identity to us. It’s only as we have the continuing revelation of His abiding love to us, which we then choose to remain in, that we can look to love others with love which always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.”
In conclusion, you can summarize love:
is silence when your words would hurt
is patience when your neighbour’s curt
is deafness when the scandal flows
is thoughtfulness for another’s woes
is promptness when stern duty calls
is courage when misfortune falls
I should do OPs too /:
If people can have their entire post taken up by one video then I'm just going to say, great post.
Another thing I'd like to add in contrast to all the talk about love as a feeling; I honestly believe you can love someone who you dislike and personally find boring, annoying, repulsive, mean etc. However, of course it would be quite unwise to go into an intimite relationship with such a person. But I still think love has nothing to do with how you feel but rather with what you actually do, how you treat the other person and so on.
On August 27 2012 19:57 Saaph wrote: Yes, love is an illusion. It is only instinctively caused by chemical reactions inside your brain. All of this to achieve one sole goal: to plant your seed, transmit your genetic material in order for our specie to continue harboring the soil of this world for as long as it can.
In reality, love is an abstraction developped within our societies to mask one thing: we're still slaves to instincts. the Man's cognitive abilites just packaged it a bit so that it's easier to accept.
Saying that love is chemicals and is a physical reaction is the exact opposite of saying that love is an illusion.
On August 27 2012 17:36 FallenStar wrote: What kind of love are you talking about? The romantic one? Because the romantic one is really an ilusion, and it lasts, at most, for 4 years. Evolution gave it us to have a couple, be in real love to have kids, help her at the first years, and then go find another one.
But there's another kind of love, don't know how to call it, which is not so "I'll die for you", but it's still enjoyable and lasts longer. I haven't read too much scientific stuff about it, but it's not an illusion and it's why some relations last forever.
I think this another kind of love is just the same romantic love but between another kind of people. Ordinary people are just not capable to love THAT much. Think of it: I'll die for you. How much not selfish, caring and responsible the person has to be to be able to do that? I'm pretty sure it comes down to personal qualities instead of some other type of love. And btw I'm quite ordinary in that respect.
I feel that love is something which is expected of you by society. But idk people say weird stuff about 'love' which I've never experienced. Only ever experienced lust XD
On August 27 2012 20:10 SoSexy wrote: then in april I did one of the craziest things of my life: I took my car and drove to her in one day (1800 km, from Italy to southern Spain: I left at 6 am and arrived at 23 pm) and we rent a house together where we lived for two months, then we returned back by car together.
Personally for me, love is ever growing and changing. So maybe his concept I can relate to, but physical attraction is much less of an importance for me.
Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain; Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink And rise and sink and rise and sink again; Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath, Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone; Yet many a man is making friends with death Even as I speak, for lack of love alone. It well may be that in a difficult hour, Pinned down by pain and moaning for release, Or nagged by want past resolution's power, I might be driven to sell your love for peace, Or trade the memory of this night for food. It well may be. I do not think I would.
Edna St. Vincent Millayll.
On August 27 2012 22:07 obesechicken13 wrote: Makes sense. It's always strange to see someone from North Korea.
Like I'm always afraid that the person that I am infatuated over now won't be someone I am as happy with in a few years time.
I always thought true love is that thing that you see in 30+ years old couples where they like having sex and sharing saliva for a little to long, thought it would be like that "forever" got married and now have a mix of "Stockholm syndrome" and in depth knowledge of each other and thus are to unmotivated( and likely to unattractive/sexually active ) to find another partner.
Romance is what you had with the original World of Warcraft... so many imperfections and so many wrongs, so time consuming and so broken but still you played it more than any other game since there was no game that could match in its "gender". True love is when you buy the panda expansion and raid for 3 nights a week, 2 and half hours a night cuz... meh, i can't be bothered to find another games, I am to used to Wow to quit wow.
EDIT:
Just noticed the video has not been posted, it has to be posted imo... its like a requirement considering the thread title + Show Spoiler +
Let me tell you 1 thing I learned about love and from all the cases I've seen..
It takes HARD work and alot of effort to maintain and to last...
And this is if the BEST CASE SCENARIO involves both people being relatively faithful, respective and generally just a good human being and not a trash douche.
Few will make it through a long relationship without breaking up. This is fact.. Why? Because love takes so much energy and hard work to balance out the differences of each individual.
The cornerstones of any lasting relationship is comprised of different elements:
Humour
Trust
Respect
Empathy and Tenderness
Compassion
Comfort
Integrity
Self-reliance
Willpower
And so on ...
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
On August 28 2012 00:40 MasterFischer wrote: [...]
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
I like this. I think a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the perfect person is out there, and that everything's going to magically work out when they find that person. That person doesn't exist. You find the person that's the easiest to love, and you make adjustments and sacrifices to show them that you love them. Love is hard.
Naive as a youth and disillusioned as a man. Not everybody is like your professor. Love is no more clear set than any of the other things we arbitrarily assign boundaries to. Maybe it's fair to say that it doesn't exist; as far as I'm concerned it's just a mess of emotions, memories, associations etc. All I can say is that for me it exists in a form and to an extent that I'm satisfied with.
I thought I might contribute to this wonderful thread.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
Love is like a bottle of gin It's very small and made of glass and grossly over-advertised It turns a genius to an ass and makes a fool think he is wise It could make you regret your birth or turn cartwheels in your best suit It costs a lot more than it's worth and yet there is no substitute They keep it on a higher shelf the older and more pure it grows It has no color in itself but it can make you see rainbows
I have to say, really impressive posts so far. I don't know much about love, but the key I believe is to see the person not as an object of desire but simply as a human being, who has his/her own wants, dreams, desires, fantasies. A relationship can start out as a lustful escapade or hormonal adventure, but in the long run a relationship is simply a friendship based on mutual trust, compatability, and enjoyable companionship. If you have unrealistically high hopes about not only love, but anything in life, you are bound to be disappointed. In the long run things tend to balance themselves out or reach equilibrium; this is true of life as well as love.
Love is not about the destination, Love is about the journey.
Day[9] knows a thing or two about love, I thought I would share. Link
On December 01 2008 15:31 Day[9] wrote: .... i go for like 60-90 minutes every time i use it. it feels fucking AMAZING
however, it makes my asshole sore and raw. i have NO clue how to stop this, save for holding my buttcheeks apart while i'm doing this. anyone had anything similar happen? advice? thoughts?
god DAMN i love doing it so much i'll never give it up but SHIT its painful :[
On August 28 2012 00:40 MasterFischer wrote: [...]
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
I like this. I think a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the perfect person is out there, and that everything's going to magically work out when they find that person. That person doesn't exist. You find the person that's the easiest to love, and you make adjustments and sacrifices to show them that you love them. Love is hard.
I guess I'm the lucky group of the 1%, I found the love of my life 4 years ago and things worked out magically. I've been happily in love ever since and I don't find it hard to stay in love, when you're truly in love with someone it's easy to keep that love alive by doing nice things for them. We've never had a single fight and I still get excited when I'm done with work and I get to go home to her.
On August 28 2012 00:34 peidongyang wrote: as an engineering student, the only love we will get in these years is with your calculus textbook or another guy :trollface:
In actuality, even if you love your calculus textbook, bring it with you to the movies, stay up late with it, and sleep with it... your calculus textbook will not love you back.
edit: now that i remember back in art school one of my professors got the girls angry when he said and believed "girls dont really love someone, they just love to be loved." i thought that was true of my experiences.
On August 28 2012 00:40 MasterFischer wrote: [...]
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
I like this. I think a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the perfect person is out there, and that everything's going to magically work out when they find that person. That person doesn't exist. You find the person that's the easiest to love, and you make adjustments and sacrifices to show them that you love them. Love is hard.
I guess I'm the lucky group of the 1%, I found the love of my life 4 years ago and things worked out magically. I've been happily in love ever since and I don't find it hard to stay in love, when you're truly in love with someone it's easy to keep that love alive by doing nice things for them. We've never had a single fight and I still get excited when I'm done with work and I get to go home to her.
Not to be a downer, but 4 years isn't a long time.
On August 28 2012 00:40 MasterFischer wrote: [...]
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
I like this. I think a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the perfect person is out there, and that everything's going to magically work out when they find that person. That person doesn't exist. You find the person that's the easiest to love, and you make adjustments and sacrifices to show them that you love them. Love is hard.
I guess I'm the lucky group of the 1%, I found the love of my life 4 years ago and things worked out magically. I've been happily in love ever since and I don't find it hard to stay in love, when you're truly in love with someone it's easy to keep that love alive by doing nice things for them. We've never had a single fight and I still get excited when I'm done with work and I get to go home to her.
Not to be a downer, but 4 years isn't a long time.
I'm guessing you have a story? Tell us about it.
OT Yes, your concept of love changes as you grow old.
On August 28 2012 00:40 MasterFischer wrote: [...]
Love is an illusion if you make it one. Simply. Think about this. The probability that theres a person out there in the world, that fits just for you, is probaly 99 %..... but the probability or chance that you'll ever meet this person given the circumstances of the life and world of 2012? Not so much..
I like this. I think a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the perfect person is out there, and that everything's going to magically work out when they find that person. That person doesn't exist. You find the person that's the easiest to love, and you make adjustments and sacrifices to show them that you love them. Love is hard.
I guess I'm the lucky group of the 1%, I found the love of my life 4 years ago and things worked out magically. I've been happily in love ever since and I don't find it hard to stay in love, when you're truly in love with someone it's easy to keep that love alive by doing nice things for them. We've never had a single fight and I still get excited when I'm done with work and I get to go home to her.
Not to be a downer, but 4 years isn't a long time.
it's not bad though, i would say it's a good indicator of long term viability.
I love myself more than anything else in the world, because I have complete trust me, I will never be betrayed by myself. I am fond of myself, I don't have doubts about myself. I am the one person I will spend all my life with together, from the beginning right up to the last breath. There's no one I spend more time with. When I'm with myself, I can be me and don't have to pretend to be someone I don't want to be. There is no need to force myself into any behaviour I don't wish and there is nothing that has to be explained, justified or excused. There are no false and no real obligations. I don't take more from me than I give and if it was possible, I'd happily give more than I'd take, because it's the one I love. When I look in the bathroom mirror in the morning, I see the same sexy good looking person, I've been seeing for all my life. Even if I make decisions, which would be unfavourable to myself and more favourable to others, there is no need to feel bad about it. This relationship lasts for the whole eternity of my own consciousness.
And on top of it, the love for myself doesn't rely on chemicals in my body or on appearances and other things. It doesn't just disappear after a certain amount of time for whatever reason. It doesn't become a habit, it doesn't become a desperation, it doesn't become a desire, when all else fails, it doesn't become a straw you want to hold onto, when things fall apart.
I love my parents, as much as you can love the ones who have brought you to life and spent a quarter of their own lives into trying to make you into the person you are now. I understand the value of true friends and would not let them down. I see the point of meeting a person you spend your time with for however long of a timespan and I have (mostly) enjoyed those years in relationships, but the one I love above all else, without question and hesitation, I value more than anyone else and I want to really spend every second of my life together with is myself.
I have never been able to experience the above with anyone else, and I probably never will, although I've spent years in good relationships and the argument, that "I just haven't met the one" doesn't count in my eyes, because love for a person you are in a relationship will ALWAYS disappear after X amount of time, when the relationship ends. Time makes it so that the people you have once loved and got seperated with slowly fade away. You get over any relationship, no matter how long it lasted. I love myself, and I hope you all love yourselves too, because it's a great feeling.
On December 01 2008 15:31 Day[9] wrote: .... i go for like 60-90 minutes every time i use it. it feels fucking AMAZING
however, it makes my asshole sore and raw. i have NO clue how to stop this, save for holding my buttcheeks apart while i'm doing this. anyone had anything similar happen? advice? thoughts?
god DAMN i love doing it so much i'll never give it up but SHIT its painful :[
I'll never view day9 the same again.
I only love starcraft. EDIT:
I love myself more than anything else in the world, because I have complete trust me, I will never be betrayed by myself. I am fond of myself, I don't have doubts about myself. I am the one person I will spend all my life with together, from the beginning right up to the last breath. There's no one I spend more time with. When I'm with myself, I can be me and don't have to pretend to be someone I don't want to be. There is no need to force myself into any behaviour I don't wish and there is nothing that has to be explained, justified or excused. There are no false and no real obligations. I don't take more from me than I give and if it was possible, I'd happily give more than I'd take, because it's the one I love. When I look in the bathroom mirror in the morning, I see the same sexy good looking person, I've been seeing for all my life. Even if I make decisions, which would be unfavourable to myself and more favourable to others, there is no need to feel bad about it. This relationship lasts for the whole eternity of my own consciousness.
And on top of it, the love for myself doesn't rely on chemicals in my body or on appearances and other things. It doesn't just disappear after a certain amount of time for whatever reason. It doesn't become a habit, it doesn't become a desperation, it doesn't become a desire, when all else fails, it doesn't become a straw you want to hold onto, when things fall apart.
I love my parents, as much as you can love the ones who have brought you to life and spent a quarter of their own lives into trying to make you into the person you are now. I understand the value of true friends and would not let them down. I see the point of meeting a person you spend your time with for however long of a timespan and I have (mostly) enjoyed those years in relationships, but the one I love above all else, without question and hesitation, I value more than anyone else and I want to really spend every second of my life together with is myself.
I have never been able to experience the above with anyone else, and I probably never will, although I've spent years in good relationships and the argument, that "I just haven't met the one" doesn't count in my eyes, because love for a person you are in a relationship will ALWAYS disappear after X amount of time, when the relationship ends. Time makes it so that the people you have once loved and got seperated with slowly fade away. You get over any relationship, no matter how long it lasted. I love myself, and I hope you all love yourselves too, because it's a great feeling.
On August 27 2012 19:55 ShadeR wrote: Person in the world who irritates you the least.
Couldn't have said it better myself. The line I usually use is, "You have to be able to deal with all their crap."
well I have never seen anyone fall in love with someone just because that someone is very unirritating. You need to be already in the relationship to really assess that.
On August 28 2012 03:39 Kuni wrote: I love myself more than anything else in the world, because I have complete trust me, I will never be betrayed by myself. I am fond of myself, I don't have doubts about myself. I am the one person I will spend all my life with together, from the beginning right up to the last breath. There's no one I spend more time with. When I'm with myself, I can be me and don't have to pretend to be someone I don't want to be. There is no need to force myself into any behaviour I don't wish and there is nothing that has to be explained, justified or excused. There are no false and no real obligations. I don't take more from me than I give and if it was possible, I'd happily give more than I'd take, because it's the one I love. When I look in the bathroom mirror in the morning, I see the same sexy good looking person, I've been seeing for all my life. Even if I make decisions, which would be unfavourable to myself and more favourable to others, there is no need to feel bad about it. This relationship lasts for the whole eternity of my own consciousness.
And on top of it, the love for myself doesn't rely on chemicals in my body or on appearances and other things. It doesn't just disappear after a certain amount of time for whatever reason. It doesn't become a habit, it doesn't become a desperation, it doesn't become a desire, when all else fails, it doesn't become a straw you want to hold onto, when things fall apart.
lol. This is actually very creative and impressive.
I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to.
-met my girlfriend first class of university -turned out we were in all the same classes that day and sat together and got lunch -she struggled with physics so when i was drunk i helped her with her homework -we started dating -we decided to move in together so I didnt have to move away around 7 months -have been living happily ever after together for 4 years -and we have a cute kitty
Being gay, finding love is a little bit harder. I didn't actually start dating until I was halfway through college, just because I wanted to focus on my work and not be distracted by someone that may or may not have an interest in me. We met online as both gay gamers that played the same games (sc2, wow, minecraft) that were both into the furry fandom. He said when he first started talking to me that he had a crush on me just because of how I talked, what I was interested in, and just my general presentation.
We had our first date just by going to Wendy's at eating it on the college green. It was less of a "date" but more of a "get to know you" sort of deal. We became friends, LANing together and hanging out during the entire summer session (I had an internship over the summer, he was taking summer classes). After about 4 months we decided together that we wanted to take our friendship further. This happened a year ago, yesterday.
I never thought that I would meet someone so much like myself and yet at the same time different. He's probably more than I could have asked for in a single package. I've graduated now and gotten a job about 1.5 hours away from him. He still has 2 more years of schooling left until he's done. He's also not out to his parents. His parents are highly conservative and would most likely exile him from the entire family, stop helping him fund his college education, and be incredibly disrespectful.
He knows the day will come that he will have to tell his parents that he not only is gay but has been dating another man for over a year and is in love with him. We're kinda just biding our time for now, waiting for the time to be right for him to be a little bit more independent. He said he would do anything if it meant keeping our relationship stable. He was about to drop out of college (accounting major) and try to get into a local college that is near me just to live with me. He would really sacrafice almost anything for me and I feel the same way about him. I can't wait to see what our lives blossom out to be.
On August 27 2012 17:42 Palmar wrote: Alright, I'll bite.
Love is, more than anything else, hard work and compromise. That is not to say it's bad, or not worth it, but you're investing so much in a relationship with another human being, that it is essential you understand that loving someone requires work.
Commonly people associate the blissful early months of a relationship with love, when nothing seems to come between you and your girl. The problem is that while certainly it is an amazing period of the relationship, it really doesn't mean much, you can experience this with almost anyone that is remotely compatible to you.
It's what comes beyond, that defines love. It's the realization that you will not allow yourself to succumb to mundane problems, that you will work every day to make sure you keep your little family together. You cannot float on a cloud of something superficial if you intend to spend the rest of your life with another human being. There are going to be conflicts, and if you're willing to work through them, something amazing can happen to you.
It's been almost 10 years now that I started dating my highschool girlfriend, I was 17 at the time.
Love isn't some cheesy Hollywood depiction of the first year of your relationship, it's the little things you do for each other every day. Be it something simple as offering to take care of our child and bring me a chicken burger to the sofa so I can continue watching The International, or a slightly more formal planning of a nice dinner and symphony concert because she deserves it.
Love is, more than anything, the realization that you're willing to spend your life, all of it, the good and the bad, with another person.
Great post! I am recently married to my high school sweetheart, and through the many years, this sums up the experience quite accurately.
I think OP's teacher makes a good point, for a lot of people it is hard to accept this, so they simply subconsciously reject it. I wonder if there will be a time when everybody realizes this? Hmm..who knows
On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote: I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to.
I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence.
But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them.
A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act.
Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it.
On August 29 2012 00:22 Vega62a wrote: I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence.
But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them.
A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act.
Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it.
Hmmm, I'm not so sure about involving Maslow in a definition of Love. It's a big assumption to make to suggest that Love as an emotional response behaves so rationally, I mean after all Love is something equated with causing people all sorts of problems and getting people into all sorts of trouble.
On August 29 2012 00:22 Vega62a wrote: I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence.
But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them.
A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act.
Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it.
Hmmm, I'm not so sure about involving Maslow in a definition of Love. It's a big assumption to make to suggest that Love as an emotional response behaves so rationally, I mean after all Love is something equated with causing people all sorts of problems and getting people into all sorts of trouble.
And I assert that the reason it does this is because a person feeling love changes his priorities from what we would consider "normal" behavior in modern society towards specifically protection of or closeness to a loved one. I'm not saying that love causes a person to behave rationally, but almost that love can predictably cause a person to behave in a manner that the rest of us would consider irrational.
On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote: I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to.
how can u possibly know that?
Because is there a reason to think anything has changed?
The first two years are amazing and then it becomes more about comfort and just being really good friends that have sex now and then when they're not exhausted. Romantic love is just hormones.
Illusion or not, it's whether you believe. Easiest is to believe only in yourself and say that yeah, you are alone and love is an illusion. Harder is faith. To operate on a hypothesis that love is real.
Love between friends can be pure b/c friends don't show their most vulnerable and nasty sides to each other.
Love between lovers - mmm. Is complicated. But in the end, it's about two spirits that coexist on similar planes of understanding.
On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote: I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to.
how can u possibly know that?
Because they're given me no reason not to believe it. From the time I spend with them, it's pretty clear that they love each other. Nobody can be absolutely sure, I guess, but I think I've got a pretty good idea.
On August 28 2012 01:05 Christ the Redeemer wrote: I thought I might contribute to this wonderful thread.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
Go and enjoy love, brother.
User was temp banned for this post.
How is this ANY different from the other 30 or so pieces of literature posted in this thread? It's just writing about love and a nice sentiment by him at the end. Even one of the verses he posted was already posted by someone else with no negative consequences. Why was this dude banned? The automated list says "Stop doing that."
Love is such a vaguely defined word... but I think that love is something that makes your life worth living for. Love for your partner, family, country, etc.
I wouldn't call love an illusion because the feelings of love are genuine and inspires you to make life-changing decisions.
One's own opinion on the notion of "love" typically directly relates to their experiences in relationships.
While one person who has been with their high school sweetheart for their entire life for example (only been with ONE person), and has a positive opinion on love as result... Another person who is more "weathered" when it comes to relationships and has been through several different relationships is likely to have a more critical, and unfavorable opinion of it.
There is no right and wrong answer of what "love" is. It just boils down to what you experienced when you did feel like you loved someone, and what transpired with that. That will ultimately yield you with your own generalizations and opinions on what love is, and what it means.
On August 29 2012 14:45 EchoZ wrote: How do you guys cope with long distance relationships? I'm finding it so hard...
They're a waste of time, energy, and emotion. (Unless the person you're involved in the long distance relationship with will be with you again in the very near future). But if not, don't waste your time. Most of the time, distance relationships are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.. I've seen it far, far too often.
On August 29 2012 14:02 Scarecrow wrote: The first two years are amazing and then it becomes more about comfort and just being really good friends that have sex now and then when they're not exhausted. Romantic love is just hormones.
Also, pretty much this.
The first year and a half or so of a relationship is more revolved around "hormonal" feelings.. Sexual attraction, etc. After that time, the spark fades (its inevitable) it depletes very fast (assuming you see your partner regularly), and it becomes more of a deep care, bond and attachment thing for the other person as the reasons you stay together (as opposed to the strong sexual feelings and such that are present for the first year. The bond, the profound care, and attachment you gain for a person once you've been with them for a long time are in my opinion what "love" is about).
Now I'm not saying you can't still have good sex with a person you've been with for two years or more.. Obviously you can.. But its just altogether a different feeling when that initial sexual spark starts to fade. Anyone who has been in a long relationship will understand this.
I've been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now.. In the first year and a bit it was crazy.. We couldn't get away from each other.. She works part-time at her moms store and I would drive there from uni in between classes just so we could lock the store up and go at it for 10 mins, and that would go on regularly.. Now... That just doesn't happen anymore.. Things just change a lot. I feel like the first year isn't really "real" love, but more-so something you just say because people do it. I think that the real, genuine love comes a bit later, and thats what keeps you together once the sexual spark fades away. Once you spend enough time with someone in a relationship, they're never quite as "sexy" or "hot" as you once thought they were early on.
There are many kinds of love. But I believe in only one love, which occurs between two person who lived a very long life together, had their ups and downs, who know every bit of each other and can't live without each other. Thats the true love - hardened by time. Thats why you see when one old folk die the other will become weak and pass away quickly, like a flower without water. All that romeo&juliet love is a fantasy, its just a temporary passion or attraction, "bullshit" love.
On August 29 2012 16:24 bokeevboke wrote: There are many kinds of love. But I believe in only one love, which occurs between two person who lived a very long life together, had their ups and downs, who know every bit of each other and can't live without each other. Thats the true love - hardened by time. Thats why you see when one old folk die the other will become weak and pass away quickly, like a flower without water. All that romeo&juliet love is a fantasy, its just a temporary passion or attraction, "bullshit" love.
How did those two old people start then? Right, with the Romeo & Juliet kind of violent passionate love.
On August 29 2012 16:24 bokeevboke wrote: There are many kinds of love. But I believe in only one love, which occurs between two person who lived a very long life together, had their ups and downs, who know every bit of each other and can't live without each other. Thats the true love - hardened by time. Thats why you see when one old folk die the other will become weak and pass away quickly, like a flower without water. All that romeo&juliet love is a fantasy, its just a temporary passion or attraction, "bullshit" love.
How did those two old people start then? Right, with the Romeo & Juliet kind of violent passionate love.
They may start from (as Joey would say) giving, receiving and sharing. Passionate love is not absolute necessity for two to be together.
I feel like love is more than just "girl likes boy, boy likes girl, they date." Love is something that you have to strive for all of your life. And one of the main things that I have trouble with is learning to love yourself. Because after all, how is someone supposed to love you if you can't even love yourself? Great post!
I've been in several long-term relationships, only to get fucked over for the literally the stupidest things ever. I have to say though, just messing around with girls has been a lot more enjoyable than having an often bothersome "best friend" that you also fuck. However, I've never messed around with drunk girls and I've never [intentionally] homewrecked, so it's not like I'm too wild haha.
Sure, I'll get a new girlfriend... if you can ensure me she won't double-cross and spontaneously won't turn into a piece of shit.
Love doesn't mean too much at all. To say the least, OP's teacher is imho a lot closer to the truth than the typical person who thinks love is this sort of special lovely (pun intended) chemistry / psi-bonding kind of thing.
Love is a concordance/compatibiliy of two person's neurosis/psychologic state. The trigger is often physical attraction, but the link is established by the mental states.
EPT
) then in april I did one of the craziest things of my life: I took my car and drove to her in one day (1800 km, from Italy to southern Spain: I left at 6 am and arrived at 23 pm) and we rent a house together where we lived for two months, then we returned back by car together.
for some reasons, I can't get past the fact that she had some relationships/boys before me. I know it's stupid, I also had some girls, but this thing is just consuming me. There are nights where I can't even sleep.
