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On August 27 2012 17:42 Palmar wrote:
Alright, I'll bite.
Love is, more than anything else, hard work and compromise. That is not to say it's bad, or not worth it, but you're investing so much in a relationship with another human being, that it is essential you understand that loving someone requires work.
Commonly people associate the blissful early months of a relationship with love, when nothing seems to come between you and your girl. The problem is that while certainly it is an amazing period of the relationship, it really doesn't mean much, you can experience this with almost anyone that is remotely compatible to you.
It's what comes beyond, that defines love. It's the realization that you will not allow yourself to succumb to mundane problems, that you will work every day to make sure you keep your little family together. You cannot float on a cloud of something superficial if you intend to spend the rest of your life with another human being. There are going to be conflicts, and if you're willing to work through them, something amazing can happen to you.
It's been almost 10 years now that I started dating my highschool girlfriend, I was 17 at the time.
Love isn't some cheesy Hollywood depiction of the first year of your relationship, it's the little things you do for each other every day. Be it something simple as offering to take care of our child and bring me a chicken burger to the sofa so I can continue watching The International, or a slightly more formal planning of a nice dinner and symphony concert because she deserves it.
Love is, more than anything, the realization that you're willing to spend your life, all of it, the good and the bad, with another person.
Great post! I am recently married to my high school sweetheart, and through the many years, this sums up the experience quite accurately.
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I think OP's teacher makes a good point, for a lot of people it is hard to accept this, so they simply subconsciously reject it. I wonder if there will be a time when everybody realizes this? Hmm..who knows 
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On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote:
I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to.
how can u possibly know that?
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I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence.
But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them.
A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act.
Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it.
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On August 29 2012 00:22 Vega62a wrote:I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence. But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them. A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act. Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it.
Hmmm, I'm not so sure about involving Maslow in a definition of Love. It's a big assumption to make to suggest that Love as an emotional response behaves so rationally, I mean after all Love is something equated with causing people all sorts of problems and getting people into all sorts of trouble.
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On August 29 2012 01:12 Deleuze wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2012 00:22 Vega62a wrote:I have always been more of a cynic about love. I've never believed in the notion of One True Love or anything like that - there are a lot of people that you're compatible with, and if given the opportunity, could probably love for the rest of your life. I don't believe it's anything magical or anything like that. I think your body produces chemicals which cause you to feel attraction to somebody, and as you progress through a relationship, you fall in love. I think "love at first sight" is just strong attraction which smoothly progresses into love; it's basically a lucky coincidence. But love is real. You can think of it as a powerful force if you want, but I prefer a more cynical, but no less important, explanation: Love is what you feel when your needs are met. When you are with somebody who meets all of your needs (this is nontrivial, I'm talking about "needs" as in Maslow's hierarchy of needs; things like intimacy, sex, security, belonging, esteem, and so on) then the reaction your brain has is to make you feel love for them. This shifts your priorities towards pleasing that person and keeping them in your life, as well as protecting them. A lot of people react to this definition of love negatively (the notion that your loved one is special is a result of the feeling of love, and the idea that your loved one could have been any one of a hundred people in a city of a hundred thousand can be offensive) but I don't think they should - finding love is one of the most important things you can do, and staying in love is difficult, as a person's priority of needs as they become more comfortable in a relationship; in addition, as the feeling of wild attraction fades and real life seeps back into the relationship, fewer needs are met. The whole thing is a balancing act. Essentially, if you want to think of it from an evolutionary perspective, love is the emotion that causes us to keep family units together, causing a successful imparting of skills from one generation to the next. Think of what would happen to the human race if we weren't capable of love. We'd never have come half as far as we did. There's a reason we romanticize it. Hmmm, I'm not so sure about involving Maslow in a definition of Love. It's a big assumption to make to suggest that Love as an emotional response behaves so rationally, I mean after all Love is something equated with causing people all sorts of problems and getting people into all sorts of trouble.
And I assert that the reason it does this is because a person feeling love changes his priorities from what we would consider "normal" behavior in modern society towards specifically protection of or closeness to a loved one. I'm not saying that love causes a person to behave rationally, but almost that love can predictably cause a person to behave in a manner that the rest of us would consider irrational.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51436 Posts
On August 27 2012 19:42 GT350 wrote:
I`ll think about love when I enter college. For now it's all about the girls and the sexy time!
You need to think about them AFTER college. College is a free whore house bro Use it and Abuse it :D
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On August 28 2012 20:34 Cheerio wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote:
I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to. how can u possibly know that?
Because is there a reason to think anything has changed?
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Love is a drug. You think you know what it is, and can control it. But once you have it, you really don't have control.
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The first two years are amazing and then it becomes more about comfort and just being really good friends that have sex now and then when they're not exhausted. Romantic love is just hormones.
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Illusion or not, it's whether you believe. Easiest is to believe only in yourself and say that yeah, you are alone and love is an illusion. Harder is faith. To operate on a hypothesis that love is real.
Love between friends can be pure b/c friends don't show their most vulnerable and nasty sides to each other.
Love between lovers - mmm. Is complicated. But in the end, it's about two spirits that coexist on similar planes of understanding.
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I was literally going to make this post today O.o Sniped lol, I'll probably still make it a blog sometime else.
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On August 28 2012 20:34 Cheerio wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2012 05:23 ampson wrote:
I'm gonna call the literature professor's idea absolute bullshit. My argument being that my grandparents are 74 and 75 and still absolutely love each other. My granddad for their last anniversary made a pledge to take her on a date every week this year, and has been true to it. Unfortunately, they can't go every week as my grandmother isn't in the best health, but they absolutely love each other just as much as they used to. how can u possibly know that?
Because they're given me no reason not to believe it. From the time I spend with them, it's pretty clear that they love each other. Nobody can be absolutely sure, I guess, but I think I've got a pretty good idea.
Also,
+ Show Spoiler +On August 28 2012 01:05 Christ the Redeemer wrote:
I thought I might contribute to this wonderful thread.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Galatians 5:13
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
Go and enjoy love, brother.
User was temp banned for this post.
How is this ANY different from the other 30 or so pieces of literature posted in this thread? It's just writing about love and a nice sentiment by him at the end. Even one of the verses he posted was already posted by someone else with no negative consequences. Why was this dude banned? The automated list says "Stop doing that."
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How do you guys cope with long distance relationships? I'm finding it so hard...
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On August 29 2012 14:45 EchoZ wrote:
How do you guys cope with long distance relationships? I'm finding it so hard...
have a goal
and always communicate
that's really the keys. Make sure that you and your s/o want the same things, and trust each other.
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Love is such a vaguely defined word... but I think that love is something that makes your life worth living for. Love for your partner, family, country, etc.
I wouldn't call love an illusion because the feelings of love are genuine and inspires you to make life-changing decisions.
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One's own opinion on the notion of "love" typically directly relates to their experiences in relationships.
While one person who has been with their high school sweetheart for their entire life for example (only been with ONE person), and has a positive opinion on love as result... Another person who is more "weathered" when it comes to relationships and has been through several different relationships is likely to have a more critical, and unfavorable opinion of it.
There is no right and wrong answer of what "love" is. It just boils down to what you experienced when you did feel like you loved someone, and what transpired with that. That will ultimately yield you with your own generalizations and opinions on what love is, and what it means.
No one person will have the same opinion on it.
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On August 29 2012 14:45 EchoZ wrote:
How do you guys cope with long distance relationships? I'm finding it so hard...
They're a waste of time, energy, and emotion. (Unless the person you're involved in the long distance relationship with will be with you again in the very near future). But if not, don't waste your time. Most of the time, distance relationships are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.. I've seen it far, far too often.
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On August 29 2012 14:02 Scarecrow wrote:
The first two years are amazing and then it becomes more about comfort and just being really good friends that have sex now and then when they're not exhausted. Romantic love is just hormones.
Also, pretty much this.
The first year and a half or so of a relationship is more revolved around "hormonal" feelings.. Sexual attraction, etc. After that time, the spark fades (its inevitable) it depletes very fast (assuming you see your partner regularly), and it becomes more of a deep care, bond and attachment thing for the other person as the reasons you stay together (as opposed to the strong sexual feelings and such that are present for the first year. The bond, the profound care, and attachment you gain for a person once you've been with them for a long time are in my opinion what "love" is about).
Now I'm not saying you can't still have good sex with a person you've been with for two years or more.. Obviously you can.. But its just altogether a different feeling when that initial sexual spark starts to fade. Anyone who has been in a long relationship will understand this.
I've been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now.. In the first year and a bit it was crazy.. We couldn't get away from each other.. She works part-time at her moms store and I would drive there from uni in between classes just so we could lock the store up and go at it for 10 mins, and that would go on regularly.. Now... That just doesn't happen anymore.. Things just change a lot. I feel like the first year isn't really "real" love, but more-so something you just say because people do it. I think that the real, genuine love comes a bit later, and thats what keeps you together once the sexual spark fades away. Once you spend enough time with someone in a relationship, they're never quite as "sexy" or "hot" as you once thought they were early on.
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EPT
