No, not cheesy variety that sets highshool kids' hearts aflutter; not the fire that wankers feel when they spot hot fancy-dressed and generously-bosomed women; not the "for fun" stuff kids enjoy these days. Just plain old simple love that translates to long-lasting relationship, marriage or otherwise.
I'm not particularly geeky, but in the entiretly of my 3 year college education thus far, I have had a grand total of one romantic love. One. I had it for six months, in what could be the best days of my life. Long story short, it ended. And after drowning in a few good ales, a few nights of drowning, it was as if nothing happened.
"Love is an illusion", my literature professor told the class. Everyone was up in arms. He is 30ish, and, by the looks of it, has had quite a few battles of his own. He is also "in a relationship". If he said this two years ago, when I was mad drunk with this demonic potion, I would have violently protested as well. I don't know why, but what he said seemed truthful, and I was eager to listen. But the room still chorused: "No, love is everything", "All you need is love", "I'll die for love"...
This is how our professor replied: When you are young, like you are, love is perfect. You see the best in a person, you'll die for it - you'll even live by it alone. After college, when you get a job and begin to face real life, love becomes a matter mostly of physical attraction. You'll still promise the moon and wish for the stars, but you become more honest. When you are in your 30s, love becomes more urgent, and really more practical. Physical attraction is still a great consideration, but love occurs mostly as a function of trust and communication - a decision to love someone and to work around the flaws of each other. At forties, love is just anyone who is willing to spend time with you. Beyond this, love becomes a falsity. you just want to have someone with you. Anyone.
This is such a dark outlook on love and life, but it seems true. I do not completely subscribe to his notion of love as a practical thing that people agree on, but I still hold on to my innocent understanding of love - I adore you, you are beautiful, smart, funny, etc., but I know you are perfect, and neither am I; but let's make this work.
For a lot of people, love IS an illusion. For instance, if you've never been in love and only read about it in books or seen it in films, you don't know what love is. There's a lot of talk about what a relationship "should be" or what love "should be", because, I think, the majority of people get their experiences of love from books/films. I'm sure most of the people that claim that they'd "die for love" have never been in love, but only experienced it in stories. People think WAY too much about it. In reality, love is ephemeral and you should treasure it while it lasts, but I don't think you should try to hold on to it when it is gone or go out of your way to find it.
...are...are you saying my true love for Kennigt in the closd threads section is naught but an illusion... What is this madness!? :D. Anyways, I agree with your prof. I think it becomes more a question of practical and what 'works' and less romantic love at first sight. GL dood!
On August 27 2012 17:23 Severedevil wrote: To my eye, real love stems from understanding the subject of your affection, deeply. Without understanding, it's merely positive emotion.
Couldn't agree more with this.
Though for some reason I relate the feeling of "love" to just negative things, mind you, I'm biased cause I've only had bad experiences. I always found it impressive how love changes the way people act. You may have somebody who is generally introverted at first, but afterwards you can find him doing even the most outrageous things just for the person he loves.
I like how he calls it an illussion, and then continues to define how it affects us. I can definitely see love as a social construct with lots of surrounding elements that are expected of it, but his pessimistic definition isn't really more true than some idealistic definition anyway.
It's obviously not some simplified model with 4-stages that everyone goes through at least.
What kind of love are you talking about? The romantic one? Because the romantic one is really an ilusion, and it lasts, at most, for 4 years. Evolution gave it us to have a couple, be in real love to have kids, help her at the first years, and then go find another one.
But there's another kind of love, don't know how to call it, which is not so "I'll die for you", but it's still enjoyable and lasts longer. I haven't read too much scientific stuff about it, but it's not an illusion and it's why some relations last forever.
Love is, more than anything else, hard work and compromise. That is not to say it's bad, or not worth it, but you're investing so much in a relationship with another human being, that it is essential you understand that loving someone requires work.
Commonly people associate the blissful early months of a relationship with love, when nothing seems to come between you and your girl. The problem is that while certainly it is an amazing period of the relationship, it really doesn't mean much, you can experience this with almost anyone that is remotely compatible to you.
It's what comes beyond, that defines love. It's the realization that you will not allow yourself to succumb to mundane problems, that you will work every day to make sure you keep your little family together. You cannot float on a cloud of something superficial if you intend to spend the rest of your life with another human being. There are going to be conflicts, and if you're willing to work through them, something amazing can happen to you.
It's been almost 10 years now that I started dating my highschool girlfriend, I was 17 at the time.
Love isn't some cheesy Hollywood depiction of the first year of your relationship, it's the little things you do for each other every day. Be it something simple as offering to take care of our child and bring me a chicken burger to the sofa so I can continue watching The International, or a slightly more formal planning of a nice dinner and symphony concert because she deserves it.
Love is, more than anything, the realization that you're willing to spend your life, all of it, the good and the bad, with another person.
I was going to write out a long post, but I have to head to school soon D:
To make things really basic and short, would it be fair to say that love it the appreciation of one's consciousness and lust is appreciation of the other person's body?
On August 27 2012 17:36 FallenStar wrote: What kind of love are you talking about? The romantic one? Because the romantic one is really an ilusion, and it lasts, at most, for 4 years. Evolution gave it us to have a couple, be in real love to have kids, help her at the first years, and then go find another one.
But there's another kind of love, don't know how to call it, which is not so "I'll die for you", but it's still enjoyable and lasts longer. I haven't read too much scientific stuff about it, but it's not an illusion and it's why some relations last forever.
This. Romantic love is extremely sweet, but not lasting. What comes afterwards is either boredom... or "true love", which is just trust and a level of comfort, and that's when you know you found something good. I'm getting married next year, the passionate romantic feelings we used to have for eachother are gone... but that doesn't mean we don't love eachother. I can be with my GF constantly, for weeks on end, and not tire of her, which is something I can say about probably no other person in the world. We never fight like most couples do.
So I think it's pretty valid to say "love is an illusion", but that depends on your own definition of love.
Sadly, I'm inclined to agree with your professor, OP.
Love is extremely complicated and multifaceted. There are many different ways it can pan out and manifest. It's extremely powerful, but like your professor said, it, and what you look for in it, changes.
I always thought the notion of love as a feeling or even a noun seems kind of limited. I consider love to be something very much related to choice, it is when you choose to put the other person before yourself that love becomes true. For me, love is the opposite of selfishness. I definitely think love is something you do, much more than something that just "is". I think a marriage becomes true when you choose to share everything that you are and have with your significant other (or rather, are prepared to share everything).
I believe love in a marriage should be about giving yourself away. To make the other person more important than yourself in your life.
the only 'true love' that exists is the love of self (...because you have to and it's unconditioned). all other kinds of love are a projection of that love on to someone/something based on an assumption.
'To Love: I didn't ask you to stay. But you stayed. I never asked you who you were Or what you wanted. You were simply there. What did you want from me, love? Was I not stronger alone? And did I ever need you? But stay a bit longer. Not long until they stop asking how I am and I stop answering, "Fine." Everyone can tell at a glance: You are here. If you ever leave me I will go with you. '
On August 27 2012 19:34 xM(Z wrote: the only 'true love' that exists is the love of self (...because you have to and it's unconditioned). all other kinds of love are a projection of that love on to someone/something based on an assumption.
Then I assume that I am the offspring of my parents and love them for giving me the chance to live life.
EPT
