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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 18 2013 05:34 TunaBarrett wrote:
Asking TL for advice about this does not sound like the best idea in my head...but fuck it, i do need some.
Ive started getting feelings for this girl at work, problem is she is in a longterm relationship...and we work in a restaurant(Im a chef, shes a waitress) with only about 10 people working there i see her every day.
Question; How do you force yourself to...stop liking/stop thinking about someone
In the pick up community, they have this acronym: GFTOW. It stands for Go Fuck Ten Other Women. It's how you get over break ups.... stuff like that. You don't have to literally GFTOW, but you should probably try finding an available girl to think about.
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On January 18 2013 05:34 TunaBarrett wrote:
Asking TL for advice about this does not sound like the best idea in my head...but fuck it, i do need some.
Ive started getting feelings for this girl at work, problem is she is in a longterm relationship...and we work in a restaurant(Im a chef, shes a waitress) with only about 10 people working there i see her every day.
Question; How do you force yourself to...stop liking/stop thinking about someone
You see other girls. Best advice there is to this issue.
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On January 17 2013 03:57 mjae wrote:
Women are overrated
no way, women are the most awesome thing to happen to men ever.
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On January 18 2013 07:22 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2013 05:34 TunaBarrett wrote:
Asking TL for advice about this does not sound like the best idea in my head...but fuck it, i do need some.
Ive started getting feelings for this girl at work, problem is she is in a longterm relationship...and we work in a restaurant(Im a chef, shes a waitress) with only about 10 people working there i see her every day.
Question; How do you force yourself to...stop liking/stop thinking about someone You see other girls. Best advice there is to this issue.
Pretty much this.
In an attempt to head off a "but I don't know any others:" put yourself in a situation where you will meet other people.
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Since when was dating about luck?
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On January 18 2013 08:17 MichaelDonovan wrote:
Since when was dating about luck?
It is when you don't know too many people. But as other people have said, you have to force yourself to be in situations where you meet people. Luck becomes less and less of a factor the more sociable you are.
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On January 18 2013 08:24 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2013 08:17 MichaelDonovan wrote:
Since when was dating about luck? It is when you don't know too many people. But as other people have said, you have to force yourself to be in situations where you meet people. Luck becomes less and less of a factor the more sociable you are.
Or more accurately if dating is about throwing dices, the more you throw them the more likely you are to get the result you want at least once. Advices are about raising the odds, going out is about increasing the number of throws.
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For those who doubted me:
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
"These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love, and attachment -- don't always go together. ... You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else while you feel a sex drive toward people unrelated to these other partners."
Booyah. Everyone wants to believe in some fairy tale definition of love, but that's just self-delusion. The fact is that love is a real, physical, chemical thing.
Just because it's irrational, just because things may not work out, just because you may be young/irresponsible/obsessed/whatever, doesn't mean the love you feel isn't love. The opposite is also true: Just because you're in love doesn't mean he/she is the one for you. Just because you're in love doesn't mean that it's going to be with that person forever, or that you should try to make it work, or try to get married.
Keep that in mind and make responsible decisions!
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On January 18 2013 15:39 Courthead wrote:For those who doubted me: http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html"These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love, and attachment -- don't always go together. ... You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else while you feel a sex drive toward people unrelated to these other partners." Booyah. Everyone wants to believe in some fairy tale definition of love, but that's just self-delusion. The fact is that love is a real, physical, chemical thing. Just because it's irrational, just because things may not work out, just because you may be young/irresponsible/obsessed/whatever, doesn't mean the love you feel isn't love. The opposite is also true: Just because you're in love doesn't mean he/she is the one for you. Just because you're in love doesn't mean that it's going to be with that person forever, or that you should try to make it work, or try to get married. Keep that in mind and make responsible decisions!
We're talking about two entirely different definitions though. You're defining a chemical response referred to as love due to how it makes you act/feel. We were discussing the emotional aspect controlled by your thoughts, where you actually get to know somebody before you really love them. In the second definition, what we're calling love could be called infatuation. It entirely depends on your frame of reference. If the chemical, physical reaction resulting from meeting somebody, then what is the emotional reaction that you get after knowing somebody for months and truly learning so much about them? I wouldn't define that as simple attachment; I'm attached to my starcraft II account and my dog. If you call it love, you're back to the definitions conflicting.
Essentially, I don't refute that what you're saying is true. But I'm arguing that they're two entirely different perceptions on the same thing, using different terminology. (And if you think that's stupid, let's just agree to disagree). I've taken chemistry, and I know how chemicals interact etc. blah blah blah, I just think there's more to it than a physical side.
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On January 18 2013 08:03 sc4k wrote:no way, women are the most awesome thing to happen to men ever.
Candidate for best quote in this thread.
+ Show Spoiler +
May you have a good year gentleman sc4k
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i find b/c ur a nerd u can get away with a lot more arrogance , which is attractive to most women
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On January 18 2013 22:38 HeavOnEarth wrote:
i find b/c ur a nerd u can get away with a lot more arrogance , which is attractive to most women
............................Wait what?
Arrogance is definitely not attractive to anybody, regardless of sex. Most likely if you see someone who's arrogant and in a relationship, then you can probably assume that A) There's something about them that makes up for it or B) They act differently towards their partner.
Being a jerk will definitely not attract women to you. Maybe if you are superior to people and you simply acknowledge it, that would be fine (confident in your abilities), but if you're in people's faces about it and it comes out too much in your behavior (not caring what anybody else says, for example) then good luck trying to find someone who'll enjoy being with you.
And I don't even understand how being a nerd has anything to do with that.
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On January 19 2013 01:01 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2013 22:38 HeavOnEarth wrote:
i find b/c ur a nerd u can get away with a lot more arrogance , which is attractive to most women ............................Wait what? Arrogance is definitely not attractive to anybody, regardless of sex. Most likely if you see someone who's arrogant and in a relationship, then you can probably assume that A) There's something about them that makes up for it or B) They act differently towards their partner. Being a jerk will definitely not attract women to you. Maybe if you are superior to people and you simply acknowledge it, that would be fine (confident in your abilities), but if you're in people's faces about it and it comes out too much in your behavior (not caring what anybody else says, for example) then good luck trying to find someone who'll enjoy being with you. And I don't even understand how being a nerd has anything to do with that.
He's been trolling the thread for like 10 pages now, I just ignore it. I'm not sure whether it's from being on a "women are easy" side or a "I can't get a gf so I'm going to troll" side 
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On January 19 2013 05:52 Alryk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 19 2013 01:01 Dark_Chill wrote:On January 18 2013 22:38 HeavOnEarth wrote:
i find b/c ur a nerd u can get away with a lot more arrogance , which is attractive to most women ............................Wait what? Arrogance is definitely not attractive to anybody, regardless of sex. Most likely if you see someone who's arrogant and in a relationship, then you can probably assume that A) There's something about them that makes up for it or B) They act differently towards their partner. Being a jerk will definitely not attract women to you. Maybe if you are superior to people and you simply acknowledge it, that would be fine (confident in your abilities), but if you're in people's faces about it and it comes out too much in your behavior (not caring what anybody else says, for example) then good luck trying to find someone who'll enjoy being with you. And I don't even understand how being a nerd has anything to do with that. He's been trolling the thread for like 10 pages now, I just ignore it. I'm not sure whether it's from being on a "women are easy" side or a "I can't get a gf so I'm going to troll" side
Woman are easy tho, in a good way. Not the sleazy way most guys use the term.
Woman are easy in the sense of getting to know them. When people stop focusing solely on getting laid and more on finding out all the special intricacies that make up a woman's personality they will realize that they will get laid anyway, and start meeting some very special ladies.
I do like your picture of the two extremes of trolling in this thread  .
We need more Pathos in this thread
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On January 19 2013 06:48 Jisall wrote:Show nested quote +On January 19 2013 05:52 Alryk wrote:On January 19 2013 01:01 Dark_Chill wrote:On January 18 2013 22:38 HeavOnEarth wrote:
i find b/c ur a nerd u can get away with a lot more arrogance , which is attractive to most women ............................Wait what? Arrogance is definitely not attractive to anybody, regardless of sex. Most likely if you see someone who's arrogant and in a relationship, then you can probably assume that A) There's something about them that makes up for it or B) They act differently towards their partner. Being a jerk will definitely not attract women to you. Maybe if you are superior to people and you simply acknowledge it, that would be fine (confident in your abilities), but if you're in people's faces about it and it comes out too much in your behavior (not caring what anybody else says, for example) then good luck trying to find someone who'll enjoy being with you. And I don't even understand how being a nerd has anything to do with that. He's been trolling the thread for like 10 pages now, I just ignore it. I'm not sure whether it's from being on a "women are easy" side or a "I can't get a gf so I'm going to troll" side Woman are easy tho, in a good way. Not the sleazy way most guys use the term. Woman are easy in the sense of getting to know them. When people stop focusing solely on getting laid and more on finding out all the special intricacies that make up a woman's personality they will realize that they will get laid anyway, and start meeting some very special ladies. I do like your picture of the two extremes of trolling in this thread . We need more Pathos in this thread
I would agree with that.
Umm.... I asked out a girl in seventh grade... and got rejected... she was my soulmate too. 
+ Show Spoiler +
Note: A reasonable piece of advice from this being that if you have a bad breakup with a girl, it definitely sucks, but try not to take it as a "I have to get her back. She's my soul mate." Nine times out of ten, breaking up/dramatic breakups mean it isn't working, and you are definitely not destined to be together. There's probably another girl out there.
Not actually directed at anybody in particular this time, but probably good advice to somebody.
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1878 Posts
Question out off curiosity.
Does the whole meet someone in a grocery / book store, ask them out thing even remotely happen anymore? I grew up in a small town in a 3rd world nation and moved to London and have spent 99% of my adult life (about 3 years) here. Pretty much every couple around me hooked up half drunk in a club and that's how they got together. Also outside of designated socialising places like parties / pubs etc people just seem really distant and appear to just want to get whatever they set out to do there over with.
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On January 24 2013 14:55 S_SienZ wrote:
Question out off curiosity.
Does the whole meet someone in a grocery / book store, ask them out thing even remotely happen anymore? I grew up in a small town in a 3rd world nation and moved to London and have spent 99% of my adult life (about 3 years) here. Pretty much every couple around me hooked up half drunk in a club and that's how they got together. Also outside of designated socialising places like parties / pubs etc people just seem really distant and appear to just want to get whatever they set out to do there over with.
I've gotten numbers and dates from meeting ladies in the line at starbucks. It happens.
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On January 24 2013 14:55 S_SienZ wrote:
Question out off curiosity.
Does the whole meet someone in a grocery / book store, ask them out thing even remotely happen anymore? I grew up in a small town in a 3rd world nation and moved to London and have spent 99% of my adult life (about 3 years) here. Pretty much every couple around me hooked up half drunk in a club and that's how they got together. Also outside of designated socialising places like parties / pubs etc people just seem really distant and appear to just want to get whatever they set out to do there over with.
Most people meet through their social circles. A friend introduces the two people or they will meet at a birthday party of a shared friend etc. Meeting people in the day is still possible, and extremely effective, but it doesn't happen as often because it requires much more confidence. This ends up working greatly in your favor because you already are showing a lot of confidence just by approaching, whereas in a club it's almost the expected norm.
Just my 2 cents, I'm sure someone like r.Evo can give a more detailed response
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On January 24 2013 14:55 S_SienZ wrote:
Question out off curiosity.
Does the whole meet someone in a grocery / book store, ask them out thing even remotely happen anymore? I grew up in a small town in a 3rd world nation and moved to London and have spent 99% of my adult life (about 3 years) here. Pretty much every couple around me hooked up half drunk in a club and that's how they got together. Also outside of designated socialising places like parties / pubs etc people just seem really distant and appear to just want to get whatever they set out to do there over with.
You just have to be social in those scenarios. I used to prefer those types of situations much more over clubs or similar stuff simply because it's something you can integrate in your daily routine. Only huge difference to clubs is that you have to be a bit more subtle and socially clever about it in a lot of cases. Don't really want half the place looking in your direction.
Edit: FML. This is like one of my pet-peeves when it comes to the entire topic. T_T
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1878 Posts
Cool beans to know that guys who hate clubbing like me still have a shot.
Asking coz I'm probably heading back home later this year, never felt like being in a relationship in a country I would only be in temporarily so I've been in self-imposed isolation mode. Number of fingers on a hand > number of contacts on my phone.
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EPT
