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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Jisall
United States2054 Posts
On January 26 2013 06:10 sc4k wrote: Yeah afaik this is basically a few months too long. Unlucky dude. Na I would just look at it as a few months spent with a very special person. Hopefully, you two move on to better things in life. Enjoy the journey along the way bro, it's all we got. | ||
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AmericanNightmare
United States98 Posts
On January 26 2013 04:20 Enzymatic wrote: I'll go into my dating/relationship experience over the past couple years with my gf. Met my gf just about 2 years ago at wal-mart I met my wife at Wal-Mart as well.. (well, the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart) About 6 years ago I began "dating" a girl I met in a pool hall. My line was, "I see you have an iPhone. I have one as well" While it's not the least I've ever said to a girl to get some. It was the least I've ever said to a girl I "dated". After a couple of months she began to really show me a side of herself that turned me off. She would act like a fool at the movies.. she was an ass to her family.. and the real killer.. I caught her shooting up in my bathroom.. After dropping her I refocused everything on making money... (fast forward a couple of months) I went to meet my brother and his family at Wal-Mart. While shopping I kept noticing this hot little latina chick. She actually caught me staring at her once.. Later on I decided to eat at the McDonald's instead of going with my brother and his family to a restaurant. (At this point I think it's necessary to mention that on the weekend buses bring loads of Hispanic people to Wal-Mart) I got the last booth available. Halfway through my meal I hear someone ask if they could sit with me. I look up to see that hot little latina chick standing over me smiling. She ended up being amazing.. | ||
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Aelfric
Turkey1496 Posts
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Saumure
France404 Posts
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Jonoman92
United States9101 Posts
On January 26 2013 07:38 AmericanNightmare wrote: I met my wife at Wal-Mart as well.. (well, the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart) lol this cracked me up for some reason On January 26 2013 08:09 Saumure wrote: My luck? Well I am in engineering. I feel you there, it wouldn't be a problem if you're a social person, but since I'm not tremendously outgoing having that source of meeting girls in class gone does kind of suck. | ||
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a176
Canada6688 Posts
6 relationships. On the verge of throwing in the towel. | ||
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Kenpachi
United States9908 Posts
On January 26 2013 03:59 Shakattak wrote: It may have taken old green and some liquid courage but you told her your feelings act like you said what you needed to say and then be her friend . She will appreciate that you were honest . Edit : feelings are nothing to be ashamed about no reason to feel awkward ! actually something similar happened to me cept im in high school and i wasnt drunk. She ignored me for a good few months then started to hang out with me again.. Its as if nothing ever happened... I dunno. I know of the dreaded friendzone but i only liked the girl i like after i got friendzoned :/ oh i kinda need some advice. I still like the girl for some odd reason. I know that if I'm friendzoned, i need to gtfo of her life and return later with more appeal but we go to the same school, hang out with the same friends and she just started playing LoL with my group of friends (myself included). It's not worth ditching all of my friends just to date 1 girl. | ||
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Jisall
United States2054 Posts
Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is depressing. If you want to look for happiness in a meaningful relationship with a woman, you have to look outside your own problems and try to make her happy. In a strange way, by helping a lady feel happiness, you feel happy. Thus ending this whole vicious cycle of feeling lonely and bad, then reflecting these emotions on others, making them want to be around you less. This whole confidence thing is just a way of saying that you are happy, and look to make others happy by being nice and sociable. Asking a lady questions because you actually care, not just because you should do it to be polite and social so you can then sink back into a cycle of self-isolating depression. Also take this advice coming from an Accounting major, one of the most boring majors there is, which I seem to have a hard-on for (Excel spreadsheets are my anti-drug). Tl:dr - Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take a genuine interest in the lady you are talking too. Be happy mo fucka. | ||
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Inertiaddict
United States126 Posts
On January 25 2013 19:40 hotpink019 wrote: Really and I thought I have the worse of luck when it comes to dating? I have dated jerks and the last one was really a jerk. The part that I hate the most I see them often because we have the same circle of friends. That jerk even bragged how he got me now others think I'm a slut. I really hate him. Sorry for the late reply, hotpink, One of my ex-girlfriends embedded herself in my circle of friends. She ingratiated herself with their girlfriends, so we're stuck with her now. They all put up with her even though they know she's manipulative. It sounds like you're in a rough position with them, but if they treat you well when you're with them, then that's good. I have some friends that I just don't trust, I guess everyone here probably does, but with them I just know that you can't share certain things with certain people. I also wish people weren't so hateful when relationships end. It's a part of life. | ||
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baba1
Canada355 Posts
Then I moved and we lost contact until 5 or 6 months ago where we talked on internet. Things got pretty hot over internet and we want to meet. We live about 5000 KM away from eachother and we both are super busy with jobs and stuff. Can't meet, at least not for anytime soon. Started to get some fights over internet and phones and now it sucks. I decided to cut bridges as it is only hurting and not fun at all anymore. Don't do long distance bullshit guys. | ||
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darthfoley
United States8001 Posts
we'll see what happens! | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
On January 26 2013 08:23 Kenpachi wrote: actually something similar happened to me cept im in high school and i wasnt drunk. She ignored me for a good few months then started to hang out with me again.. Its as if nothing ever happened... I dunno. I know of the dreaded friendzone but i only liked the girl i like after i got friendzoned :/ oh i kinda need some advice. I still like the girl for some odd reason. I know that if I'm friendzoned, i need to gtfo of her life and return later with more appeal but we go to the same school, hang out with the same friends and she just started playing LoL with my group of friends (myself included). It's not worth ditching all of my friends just to date 1 girl. I'll give this one a try again, super short guide to getting sexy time from female "friends" and why it's easy (if you know how to present strong frames in general): -Any and all of the typical things that make you seem attractive (e.g. leader of men, being preselected etc.) can be conveyed super easy without making her seem like the target. You tell those stories to a buddy while she's around or you treat her like your best buddy (make sure to frame it like "You're like one of my best guy friends anyway" and tell them that way. - Crucial frames to set include that you're discret, that you're honest and that you think that girls who live out their sexual desires are awesome. As in awesome people, not awesome pieces of meat. -You will barely meet shit tests. Shit- or rather frame tests are used to find an answer to: "Is this guy really like this or is that just a small trick he learned?" ... The idea being that she can identify "weaker" males and throw them out early. Your attitude however has to make sure that you are not a potential suiter. She's just your best buddy. Suddenly, no shit tests. -Lots of physical interaction that isn't inherently sexual can be totally fine if you're "just best buddies". Cuddling, massaging, getting to touch her hair, touching her back while moving through crowded spaces and smacking her thighs after a joke is all completely acceptable because hey, you're just buddies anyway. No sexual intents. Alright, after establishing that we're one sexy badass alpha she wants to mate and having all the comfort/rapport AND kino escalation we potentially need, what's missing? Isolation and sexual escalation. This is also why it's usually not recommended to guys who don't have the experience to make them feel secure in this situation. Isolate her and start sexually escalating but only when you're both alone. Use the type of "funny" escalation that's more common in relationships than in hookups. (e.g. slapping her ass and pretending it wasn't, starting to massage her neck just to... bite her. Stuff like that.) - Give her space. Escalate again. One step back, two steps forward. There is likely to be a point where she will verbalize the issue (if not, just keep going till you get her to that point. Being slapped in the face with a hammer is usually a good sign to stop, too.) this however (since you're trying to change the framing of your relationship) can be treated as one huge shit test. Ignoring, laughing off, giving a cool comment back; - anything that works for a regular shit test can be applied here. Have fun. Make sure to frame "what happened between you" depending on where you want it to go. From "we're young, sexy, lonely and like each other" to "wow, I'd never thought we'd click so easily" it's all open. Be honest about what you expect from your future relationship. Common issues: -WAT ESCALATING LIKE THAT WTF HOW?! - Don't attempt this. Have fun with other non-friendzoned girls until you're confident enough with that type of "irresistible" frame. -OMG WTF BUT OUR FRIENDSHIP // OMG WTF WHAT WILL OUR FRIENDS SAY?! - Find girls you have no relationship whatsoever with, get "friendzoned" as hard as possible as quickly as possible (Warning: delivering the "Wow, I really like you. I mean, just as friends. I hope you're okay with that."-line to an attractive girl might make her chase you instantly and in pretty funny ways), and play around with this. You'll find out that it's much less of a deal than most people would imagine. | ||
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abei1234
United States89 Posts
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Jisall
United States2054 Posts
On January 26 2013 13:55 abei1234 wrote: I wish i could understand that last post. How come you are the only person I've ever heard to actually recommend lets just call it the friend-zone method to getting laid ? As long as your dominant, there is no such thing as a friendzone. I've been friends with girls, then one night hook up. Friendzone is not as dreaded as people make it out to be, as long as you know how to use it to your advantage. | ||
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Kenpachi
United States9908 Posts
On January 26 2013 12:29 r.Evo wrote: I'll give this one a try again, super short guide to getting sexy time from female "friends" and why it's easy (if you know how to present strong frames in general): -Any and all of the typical things that make you seem attractive (e.g. leader of men, being preselected etc.) can be conveyed super easy without making her seem like the target. You tell those stories to a buddy while she's around or you treat her like your best buddy (make sure to frame it like "You're like one of my best guy friends anyway" and tell them that way. - Crucial frames to set include that you're discret, that you're honest and that you think that girls who live out their sexual desires are awesome. As in awesome people, not awesome pieces of meat. -You will barely meet shit tests. Shit- or rather frame tests are used to find an answer to: "Is this guy really like this or is that just a small trick he learned?" ... The idea being that she can identify "weaker" males and throw them out early. Your attitude however has to make sure that you are not a potential suiter. She's just your best buddy. Suddenly, no shit tests. -Lots of physical interaction that isn't inherently sexual can be totally fine if you're "just best buddies". Cuddling, massaging, getting to touch her hair, touching her back while moving through crowded spaces and smacking her thighs after a joke is all completely acceptable because hey, you're just buddies anyway. No sexual intents. Alright, after establishing that we're one sexy badass alpha she wants to mate and having all the comfort/rapport AND kino escalation we potentially need, what's missing? Isolation and sexual escalation. This is also why it's usually not recommended to guys who don't have the experience to make them feel secure in this situation. Isolate her and start sexually escalating but only when you're both alone. Use the type of "funny" escalation that's more common in relationships than in hookups. (e.g. slapping her ass and pretending it wasn't, starting to massage her neck just to... bite her. Stuff like that.) - Give her space. Escalate again. One step back, two steps forward. There is likely to be a point where she will verbalize the issue (if not, just keep going till you get her to that point. Being slapped in the face with a hammer is usually a good sign to stop, too.) this however (since you're trying to change the framing of your relationship) can be treated as one huge shit test. Ignoring, laughing off, giving a cool comment back; - anything that works for a regular shit test can be applied here. Have fun. Make sure to frame "what happened between you" depending on where you want it to go. From "we're young, sexy, lonely and like each other" to "wow, I'd never thought we'd click so easily" it's all open. Be honest about what you expect from your future relationship. Common issues: -WAT ESCALATING LIKE THAT WTF HOW?! - Don't attempt this. Have fun with other non-friendzoned girls until you're confident enough with that type of "irresistible" frame. -OMG WTF BUT OUR FRIENDSHIP // OMG WTF WHAT WILL OUR FRIENDS SAY?! - Find girls you have no relationship whatsoever with, get "friendzoned" as hard as possible as quickly as possible (Warning: delivering the "Wow, I really like you. I mean, just as friends. I hope you're okay with that."-line to an attractive girl might make her chase you instantly and in pretty funny ways), and play around with this. You'll find out that it's much less of a deal than most people would imagine. alright. i know im not gonna be able to do that next time i see her (rather soon lol) because that would be out of character. But I do want to build a leaderesque persona. any tips? | ||
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pebble444
Italy2495 Posts
On January 26 2013 14:46 Kenpachi wrote: alright. i know im not gonna be able to do that next time i see her (rather soon lol) because that would be out of character. But I do want to build a leaderesque persona. any tips? First of all I would suggest you try to further understand why it is you like her. You must define exactly what it is you want from here, to be able to determine how to move. The fact that she has resumed contact with you could indicate that she is interested in you but maybe your approach was not what she wanted (did you express your feelings for her in awkward place for feelings telling?). If it is only physical irresistible attraction Maybe try and bring her out on a date. If she refuses to date i highly suggest you move on. Time for GG no re WP. Some battles are just not worth being fought and there are plenty of fish in the Sea. If it is not only physical: I have a tip for you. The case seems to be that you have feelings for her as a partner and she towards you as a friend. However you must find out for sure. In your post you said that you might consider going back after to her and try to date her. This is bad idea IMO. I think what you should do is have a hearth to hearth talk with her. Plan it out in advance, explain to her calmly but firmly how you feel about her. This should be done in a place and time where you are sure you won' t be interrupted. Anywhere near nature works well. Or anywhere that in general you both are confortable. If she is one of those people constantly with a cell phone in their hand, be sure to ask her gently to put away her cell phone while talking to her. And also plan to ask about her response. If she doesn t want to respond ask her kindly to do so, because after you told her (again) how you feel you have a right to an answer. If she doesn' t want to have this talk, send her a detailed letter (better by hand on paper than on computer) (but deliver it to her by hand in person is preferable). At this point, you might get different answers: 1) She wishes to go out with you. Case solved and live happily ever after  2) She says "i' m sorry but i don' t feel like that about you, i like you but as a friend" . 3) She does not answer, and to your question about "have you read my letter" she comes up with silly responses and avoids overall the subject. In case 2, you have different options. Since this girl is part of your circle of Friends, you might a) Decide that it is best to keep friends with her. This is the most Advisable option, aldo it is even the most difficult. There is no garantie that one day suddenly you just can' t refrain from asking her again about how she feels about you in "that way" b)Overall in this case i would suggest to just stay away from the girl, but the fact that you have all friends in common makes this much more difficult to do. But since she managed to ignore you for a couple of months this could be a viable option. In case 3, ditch her. No one that is not willing to give you an answer when you open up to them is worth it. (aldo if she needs time to answer (like days even, give her that time)) GLHF | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On January 26 2013 14:46 Kenpachi wrote: alright. i know im not gonna be able to do that next time i see her (rather soon lol) because that would be out of character. But I do want to build a leaderesque persona. any tips? Here are quick tips to show leadership: -Chose activities and events to do with her yourself. "I want to go to X, wanna come ?". Avoid "What do we do ?". Even better if you're able to be quickly convincing this is the right thing to do. -When among friends, when there is a choice to be made and no leader are present. Make the choice. Friends: "Do we do X or Y ?" You: "Let's do X, I think its better". Ever found yourself with one or 2 friends and you hesitate over 2 choices for like 1 hour because nobody steps up to make the choice ? That's it. -Bring her in your own world. Among your own friends (those you're very confortable with), to your own hobbies etc. -Ignore any bullshit she throws at you that would make you an orbit of hers (like a servant). Try to act as if she was the orbit, she's the one following. However, be nice and care for her... like a general being nice to its troop from time to time of you want an analogy. -Stay calm and don't worry about whether she likes you or not. On a more meta level, the idea is that the leader is by definition a leader of followers. Therefore the leader choses his own destiny and path but he must also be able to listen, reward and care for his followers. A leader failing to achieve the latest won't have followers and will be more like a lone wolf. Both concepts are important. Someone that care but doesn't lead is only a nice person. | ||
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Drake
Germany6146 Posts
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pyrogenetix
United Arab Emirates5090 Posts
Came to Shanghai, started talking to girl A from samoa. We clicked and I ask her out 3 times and she says no so I think fuck that shit move the fuck on. Start talking to girl B who is korean. Super shy super quiet, language barrier. We get together but relationship lasts 1 month, awkward as fuck, nothing happened. She moves to another city (TianJin). Meet girl C also korean through a friend who tells me girl C thinks I'm hot. The same night I start banging girl C but we say strictly sex nothing else. We have the same classes but pretend like we don't know each other, meetup and bang after class. Start banging so fucking much I never would have dreamed I would be. We banged everyday, several times a day. Bang for 2 months, she wants to get into a relationship, I say no. Meet girl D from vietnam who is girl A's neighbour. Thought we had something, turns out she's super strict and no action before marriage, so I got the fuck out. Meet girl E half chinese half swedish at a bar. Start banging her after meeting up a few times, find out she is batshit insane, self inflicted scars everywhere, her room is a total mess (she finds stuff by just crawling around on her floor which is covered in all of her belongings) but I didn't care I was banging her tar out, and she deep throats. Find out she has a bf and got the fuck out after about a month. All this time I regularly go talk to girl A about all kinds of shit except the other girls. Suddenly, out of nowhere, girl A says she liked me ever since girl B (lol jealousy works) and tried to play hard to get but then all these other girls started happening (she doesn't know about girl C and E) and she started getting mad cuz she was always hearing about how I use the common kitchen to cook a lot of food for the other girls. Girl A wants us to be exclusive but no sex. I say sure no problem. After a month of massaging and cuddling, she says fuck it and we bang, and she says I'm the best shes ever had (she always thought I was a real clueless geek playing computer games all day) and we are happily together now for almost 5 months. I used to be that fat awkward socially retarded kid back in school. For most of uni I was clueless with girls and would start sweating and freaking out at parties. I decided to start lifting heavy - best life decision ever. Body started changing slowly but confidence changed immediately. The most "difficult" is that first girl, that first time you go "holy shit she is really liking me is this for real am I really having sex right now what the fuck" after that you start to see that girls are so insecure that you wonder why you were even nervous at all. | ||
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vult
United States9399 Posts
Also my past 4 girlfriends (over the past 4-5 years)have all cheated on me :/ | ||
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