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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 31 2016 20:50 LemOn wrote:
The thing is if you don't naturally go to places where there's women in the first place you are forced to expand your comfort zone to places like the street, club etc,
Uhm, online dating? Thats kinda what it was created for (serious online dating, not hookup sites)
I hate (first) Dates myself.
What works for me (i was horrible when i was aorund 18-24 and i'm still not what you would call a womanizer, nor do i have the looks or will for that 
What do i do?
1: When your out in a Bar or Club (alone or not, doesn’t really matter), just talk with random People, don't even focus on the women (at first). What do i mean by this?
Well, its actually just that, talk to strangers (i personally need a few courage beers before i can do that).
Just drop some funny remark at the bar if the occasion arises and suddenly your in a conversation --> Most people go out in mixed gender groups so suddenly you end up at a table with girls/women you don’t know (or they at yours)... From there its just having fun/talking about whatever, your not into smalltalk? Who cares, as long as your not a condescending know it all asshole you can talk about politics/religion if it comes up (as the stranger at the table you probably shouldn’t lead the conversation to these;)). People often even try to hook you up with girl XYZ then because, why the hell not, if your impression was decently funny they might also try to get their friend a date that actually seems « ok » over the random chance of her meeting someone on her own .
Worst case scenario? The people are boring and you go home, back to your friends or whatever… Who cares? Enjoy yourself. Sometimes you meet someone, sometimes you don't.
2: Dance, i mean real dancing. If you want to actually meet a girl/women you most likely shouldn’t go to a club with some hardcore techno/hip hop/metal whatever… To nearly everything else you can actually pair-dance. Women love it, you don’t even have to be good, just show selfesteem and don’t trample her to death, most women also aren’t really good at it. There is no faster way to check chemistry than dancing. If this goes well, invite her to a drink, chat… Have fun.
In general, self esteem (whiteout being a condescending asshole ) is king.
The most important thing: Have fun and don’t „focus“ on getting to meet someone for purpose X… I had some awesome evenings were i just met a group of men… Not as fun as the one evening i met a group of 6 nurses that celebrated together for a reason i forgot, but still fun (and from a sexual standpoint both were equally unsuccsesfull .
Btw: In my experience 1-3d base doesn’t exist… If you manage to get to first and do good, then well, you’ll kinda guaranteed to end up at 3d immediatly if you really want it (but if you want something serious and not just some adventure, you likely better stop at first and go for a second date a few days later). At least thats my experience… Most likely this is an age thing.
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Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky.
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On June 01 2016 01:33 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky.
Or you just didn't play too much Starcraft and thought that life was like a buildorder. Read it on the internet. Gotta have to practice that, 100 times over. Grade your progress each time, get it down perfect to the last word, smile and touch!
If you are not the dancing type, don't go to clubs to meet people there. If you are not the bar type, that's the wrong place to look for girls too. You know, they may accidentally assume you like going there and want to go there with you later.
Seriously, only change yourself for dating so far, how you actually want to change yourself for the future. Again, really think, what you want from a relationship. What do you want to do together? If it is just WoW-raids, uhm... look in your WoW-guild. (you may wanna overthink your life plan, though) If it is some sports, try to look for girls there. You love your Gym... guess what where you should look. You love board games, tabletops, whatever? At least here, there are often local (open) board gaming groups in most towns, meeting weekly. How about going there? You are very political and this is very important to you? At local meetings you can meet likeminded people. This has the advantage, that they most likely will have a similar opinion as you do. Etc.
But in the end, the most important thing is probably not to be so on-off-switchy. Be open to contacts, even when you don't expect them. And don't be so desperate for them, when you are looking for them. So many people I know seem to switch between their introverted "don't talk to me" mode, and their "today I wanna meet girls" mode, where they look superneedy. And then they refuse some random conversation in the first one, and in the next one they kill the convo, because they want the phone number right away.
But with every advice, there is always the problem: Who is the best person to receive advice from? Especially on the net? The guy, who claims limitless dating experience, who already had 20 girls? Yeah, he is probably good at getting girls. Then again, he is probably not the best at keeping them or finding the right ones... Or do you ask the guy, who had only 1-3 dates, found the right one and is now happy with her? He was probably a very lucky one! And what could he tell you about dating? You had more dates than him!
Imho it is best to ask for advice from people who know you. This do not necessarily have to be your friends, but people knowing your character and your circumstances. And then critically evaluate, if their advice applies to your situation and to what you actually want.
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On June 01 2016 00:11 Velr wrote:Uhm, online dating? Thats kinda what it was created for (serious online dating, not hookup sites)
If you are just looking for something serious I definitely wouldn't go through online dating unless you are a girl. Online dating is 95% based on looks, I don't know what you classify as "serious online dating" though.
If you are a girl that might be a decent idea since you have access to more or less an abundant number of guys. If you are not feeling it quickly you can just move over to the next guy. The same does not apply for average looking men.
OKcupid for example, they do tons of research about their users and I remember one graph showing how people rated personality vs looks. The graph showed a linear line. The personality was proportional to the attractiveness meaning that if you thought was a 8/10 you would most likely rate her personality 8/10 as well.
Have you ever seen a girl swipe on Tinder for example vs a guy? I know this isn't a serious dating website but online dating is first and foremost about looks.
One scenario:
+ Show Spoiler +Not super realistic obviously as I go by what I have heard and read and my own experience and it's a really simplified. But will give you an basic idea how it looks. This would just be for the INITIAL attraction, basically are you even going to bother talking to this person or not.
Lets assume each x/10 has 100 people and will swipe 1000 people.
Girl 6/10.
Swipes right on 30% of 9-10's (0.3*200l) 60 people
Swipes right on 10% of 7-8's (0.1*200) 20 people
Doesn't even bother with equally or worse.
Swipes on 80 people
90% match rate.
Total matches: 72
Guy 6/10
swipe right on 95% over 6 (400*0.95) = 380
swipe right on 50% of 5,6's (200*0.5) = 100
Doesn't bother with 1-4's.
Swipes on 480 people.
10% match rate.
Total matches: 48
Now you could think, "Well the guy didn't get that few matches." however he was extremely generous with his matches. The girl was extremely picky and got more matches than the guy, even though he right swiped right on 400 more girls. I would say these numbers are even very generous for the guy compared to real life.
You could easily make the case that the man wouldn't go on dates with the majority of those girls he matched with, but the girl could go on dates with the majority of the guys she matched with.
You are so unbelievably outnumbered in every conceivable way as a man online. Your dating pool is vastly smaller than the females. You will have to do the majority of the work to be interesting as they have the upper hand. To think that online dating is a good alternative while looking for something serious where not only looks matters seems odd to me.
I fear it is far worse on more "serious" dating sites as well.
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There are also nonswipey sites. You know, sites with real profiles. Pages where you can look at profiles, read them, write interesting people. How you can even cite okcupid as serious example is beyond me. Thats pretty much the definition of hookup site.
And even if you are an introverted nerd, you should be able to make a decent looking picture of yourself, One that actually represents you. Don't try to look like a gorilla using 3 cans of hair gel a week, if you aren't. Just ask a friend, if possible from the other gender, to pick a nice picture from your last vacation and cut it properly.
Give interesting answers in your profile. Don't be to shy about the stranger things, they actually make it special. And give a topic to discuss for the first talks. Sure, if your hobbies are listed "listening to music, riding my bike and playing computer" and all your other answers are also dead standard, you better look crazy good to find someone. Or you make yourself slightly special. Repaired 10 cars, write it. Have been to all kinds of places, write it or pick a profile picture showing it. You are prepping yourself for the next marathon, even though you weight 110kg? Write it! You are having the speedrun world record in some weird japanese game. Hell, why not mention it? You are a boardgamegeek, write about it. Don't just write "boardgaming". Add some flavour! The killer for most profiles are boring one liners, or even oneworders, when there is so much more.
But now you are still a guy, looking for a girl. Probably the girl fitting you is also not the type who starts writing guys. So go ahead, find profiles that are interesting and message those. Again, "Hi, my name is Tim, your profile looked really interesting, wanna talk a bit?" is probably not the best opener. Be more creative, use their profile as entry point, make a joke, or be weird, if that is your usual self. Or if you have a good universal opener, use that one. If it scares them away, they wouldn't have been for you anyway.
In the end it is like in a job application. It doesn't matter if half of them throws you in the trash bin on sight, if you land on top of the stack in 10% of the cases. That is way better then being somewhere in the middle of the stack for all of them.
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I met a girl at a gig last night, a friend of a friend, and I really like her. I'm a mess with this stuff and I have no idea if she likes me too but it seemed as though she was flirting (big hug when she left, she bought me shot etc.).
I made friends with her on facebook and I think I might ask her out but i'm ridiculously shy and pessimistic (I've never really done dating and at my age i'm a bit old to be learning haha). I'm gonna have step way outside my comfort zone here.
I think the problem because she's a friend of a friend is i'm going to see her around anyway so I'm a bit apprehensive about being rejected.
Fuckin YOLO, right?
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On June 01 2016 03:10 GaussTransformation wrote:
There are also nonswipey sites. You know, sites with real profiles. Pages where you can look at profiles, read them, write interesting people. How you can even cite okcupid as serious example is beyond me. Thats pretty much the definition of hookup site.
I am perfectly aware of that, but the dimension of whether or not you would speak to someone based on attractiveness does not vanish just because of that.
I'm not an utopian and I'm not saying that I think dating sites are useless. I just agree with Lem0n that I do not think they are as efficient if you're serious about meeting someone. A few messages fourth and back will probably take a few hours online, which in real life would be 20 seconds. 5 minutes of talking to a girl in real life will most likely be far more valuable to see if you click or not compared to a few days of chatter online.
I referred to OKcupid because they it is the only dating site I know of which are open with statistics. Just because you move onto another site other than OKcupid doesn't mean the dimension of whether you find someone attractive or not goes away. People simply won't respond if they do not think you're attractive or they think they can find someone 'better'. Regardless of what dating site you use, the females has the upper hand.
There are definitely aspects of online dating that can be nice, like you mentioned, you could potentially find a partner with the same interests as you. However, I doubt that is what matters in the long term. I personally would never just focus on trying to find someone who is exactly like me or has the same hobbies.
And sure, if you are funny and good at writing you could probably write a very good profile which would give you a better chance over other guys.
From the few dates I've been on in my life, my experience is that people are not the same online as in real life. You might find someone really funny online but when you meet them in real they are texting with friends during the entire date. Trying to find the perfect partner online then hoping that will translate into the perfect partner that you click with in real is not the basket I want my eggs to be in.
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11 years to wizardry yeeee.
+ Show Spoiler +Funny how many is in the same spot smh.
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On June 01 2016 04:39 Jan1997 wrote:11 years to wizardry yeeee. + Show Spoiler +Funny how many is in the same spot smh.
So you are 19 and a virgin? Nothing really special or strange about it to be honest. If you want to change it, put yourself out there.
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OkCupid can definitely be a serious site. I've gotten a 1.5 and 3-year relationship out of it. Then again that was before they created an app I think, which probably dragged it down immensely.
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On June 01 2016 02:04 GaussTransformation wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2016 01:33 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky. Or you just didn't play too much Starcraft and thought that life was like a buildorder. Read it on the internet. Gotta have to practice that, 100 times over. Grade your progress each time, get it down perfect to the last word, smile and touch!
You're getting it all wrong, there is a build order, but the build order besides actually just getting into orbit of people (which you do need to force if you don't come into contact with them in the first place and it's an area that is bothering you) is that there is no build order - you practice your skills of being observant, in the moment, and capability of interacting with people, and every time you do it's unique as you are just mindful of your surroundings and react to the situation.
The Journal is just great to actually realize your feelings, where you are not honest to yourself and others and what you actually liked about people and yourself.
Well and you know my take on online dating, and why it's immensely time consuming - the one by far the most important aspect of compatibility is completely missing and no profile is going to change that - mutual attraction/chemistry and there is no substitute for that.
Also it always feels like a competition - perfect profile, perfect picture, fighting with loads of other guys that bombard women with messages... There's no such thing in real life if you actually interact with loads people and spend time only with those that mutually click with you right off the bat.
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Well I had a date Friday and got her to agree to a second date on Sunday.
For 30 minutes, then she texts me back and says she doesn't think we will work out as a couple and that was that.
So yeah, luck still shit. 
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lol wow, i don't think i've seen that before
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On May 31 2016 18:28 LemOn wrote:
There's no words of sympathy to be honest.
If getting new experiences in dating is what you really want, it's nobody's fault but yours that you didn't get them. So either you don't mind and don't complain or look for sympathy, or do mind and do something about it.
Lol, man I'm not saying it's anybody's fault but mine just asking for a little internet bro fist is all. Really not a big deal.
DarkPlasmaBall where you at buddy?
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On June 01 2016 02:04 GaussTransformation wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2016 01:33 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky. Or you just didn't play too much Starcraft and thought that life was like a buildorder. Read it on the internet. Gotta have to practice that, 100 times over. Grade your progress each time, get it down perfect to the last word, smile and touch! If you are not the dancing type, don't go to clubs to meet people there. If you are not the bar type, that's the wrong place to look for girls too. You know, they may accidentally assume you like going there and want to go there with you later. Seriously, only change yourself for dating so far, how you actually want to change yourself for the future. Again, really think, what you want from a relationship. What do you want to do together? If it is just WoW-raids, uhm... look in your WoW-guild. (you may wanna overthink your life plan, though) If it is some sports, try to look for girls there. You love your Gym... guess what where you should look. You love board games, tabletops, whatever? At least here, there are often local (open) board gaming groups in most towns, meeting weekly. How about going there? You are very political and this is very important to you? At local meetings you can meet likeminded people. This has the advantage, that they most likely will have a similar opinion as you do. Etc. But in the end, the most important thing is probably not to be so on-off-switchy. Be open to contacts, even when you don't expect them. And don't be so desperate for them, when you are looking for them. So many people I know seem to switch between their introverted "don't talk to me" mode, and their "today I wanna meet girls" mode, where they look superneedy. And then they refuse some random conversation in the first one, and in the next one they kill the convo, because they want the phone number right away. But with every advice, there is always the problem: Who is the best person to receive advice from? Especially on the net? The guy, who claims limitless dating experience, who already had 20 girls? Yeah, he is probably good at getting girls. Then again, he is probably not the best at keeping them or finding the right ones... Or do you ask the guy, who had only 1-3 dates, found the right one and is now happy with her? He was probably a very lucky one! And what could he tell you about dating? You had more dates than him! Imho it is best to ask for advice from people who know you. This do not necessarily have to be your friends, but people knowing your character and your circumstances. And then critically evaluate, if their advice applies to your situation and to what you actually want.
Holy shit this is amazing. I don't frequent TL very much at all anymore, but saw this thread on the left side and decided to take a look at it since it's relevant at this stage of my life. You explain it so simply, but it all makes sense. Particularly the point of "you love X? find people in places that do or love X also". I mean duh it was so obvious, but it helped for me to read that. Also the point about asking people who know you in regards to specific advice. And lastly the part about just meeting people and not having an on/off mode. Thanks a bunch dude, this got my spirits up a lot more!
For me I'm a weeaboo who loves art/animation, music, and also games. So I'll just keep meeting people who are part of communities related to those things. So for me that'd be things like anime cons, esports events, etc. And if I keep pursuing those interests as either a hobby or side job (or ideally as my main career) that'd make it easier to meet similar people.
And sure, my kinds of interests may be niche compared to the bar type or whatever, but I guess the point is that there's no point going to bars or whatever if I'm not going to find like minded people. It might be hard for me considering my interests since there's a smaller "pool" of people, but I guess one way to look at it is other people who are looking are also in the same small boat. And if I focus my time on that boat doing things I like, then it doesn't really matter that the boat is small cus that's my world. Yay!
Am I getting this?
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On June 01 2016 16:15 Yoshi Kirishima wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2016 02:04 GaussTransformation wrote:On June 01 2016 01:33 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky. Or you just didn't play too much Starcraft and thought that life was like a buildorder. Read it on the internet. Gotta have to practice that, 100 times over. Grade your progress each time, get it down perfect to the last word, smile and touch! If you are not the dancing type, don't go to clubs to meet people there. If you are not the bar type, that's the wrong place to look for girls too. You know, they may accidentally assume you like going there and want to go there with you later. Seriously, only change yourself for dating so far, how you actually want to change yourself for the future. Again, really think, what you want from a relationship. What do you want to do together? If it is just WoW-raids, uhm... look in your WoW-guild. (you may wanna overthink your life plan, though) If it is some sports, try to look for girls there. You love your Gym... guess what where you should look. You love board games, tabletops, whatever? At least here, there are often local (open) board gaming groups in most towns, meeting weekly. How about going there? You are very political and this is very important to you? At local meetings you can meet likeminded people. This has the advantage, that they most likely will have a similar opinion as you do. Etc. But in the end, the most important thing is probably not to be so on-off-switchy. Be open to contacts, even when you don't expect them. And don't be so desperate for them, when you are looking for them. So many people I know seem to switch between their introverted "don't talk to me" mode, and their "today I wanna meet girls" mode, where they look superneedy. And then they refuse some random conversation in the first one, and in the next one they kill the convo, because they want the phone number right away. But with every advice, there is always the problem: Who is the best person to receive advice from? Especially on the net? The guy, who claims limitless dating experience, who already had 20 girls? Yeah, he is probably good at getting girls. Then again, he is probably not the best at keeping them or finding the right ones... Or do you ask the guy, who had only 1-3 dates, found the right one and is now happy with her? He was probably a very lucky one! And what could he tell you about dating? You had more dates than him! Imho it is best to ask for advice from people who know you. This do not necessarily have to be your friends, but people knowing your character and your circumstances. And then critically evaluate, if their advice applies to your situation and to what you actually want. Holy shit this is amazing. I don't frequent TL very much at all anymore, but saw this thread on the left side and decided to take a look at it since it's relevant at this stage of my life. You explain it so simply, but it all makes sense. Particularly the point of "you love X? find people in places that do or love X also". I mean duh it was so obvious, but it helped for me to read that. Also the point about asking people who know you in regards to specific advice. And lastly the part about just meeting people and not having an on/off mode. Thanks a bunch dude, this got my spirits up a lot more! For me I'm a weeaboo who loves art/animation, music, and also games. So I'll just keep meeting people who are part of communities related to those things. So for me that'd be things like anime cons, esports events, etc. And if I keep pursuing those interests as either a hobby or side job (or ideally as my main career) that'd make it easier to meet similar people. And sure, my kinds of interests may be niche compared to the bar type or whatever, but I guess the point is that there's no point going to bars or whatever if I'm not going to find like minded people. It might be hard for me considering my interests since there's a smaller "pool" of people, but I guess one way to look at it is other people who are looking are also in the same small boat. And if I focus my time on that boat doing things I like, then it doesn't really matter that the boat is small cus that's my world. Yay! Am I getting this?
Lemon will disagree, but I will certainly agree. You said it quite nicely. There are others in the same small boat. Now admittedly girls are rarer in esport, but with animecons there should be plenty. But of course, they won't rush at you, so talking to them, being social and all is still your job. But from my distant experience, animecons are generally a place where it is easier to get into contact.
And about the on/off: It is about how you view/approach girls. During your "meeting phase" don't view every girl as "let's try to date her, is she something for me?" and then as soon as you leave the con, you turn into "user is temporarily not available, please try again later".
Don't aim for the date right away, aim for the conversation. If it clicks, you will notice it. There is no reason to aproach girls differently from guys. Their potential endgame options should not affect your opening too much. And as others said it with different examples: If you end up spending a day or evening with just a handful of fun conversations, with guys and girls, it was a good day. Learn to enjoy those, and naturally you will find something more. And it is less frustrating, if you change your measurement of success from "arranged dates with x girls" to "had a good day"
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On June 01 2016 12:53 the bear jew wrote:Well I had a date Friday and got her to agree to a second date on Sunday. For 30 minutes, then she texts me back and says she doesn't think we will work out as a couple and that was that. So yeah, luck still shit.
"Got her to agree". Sounds like you had a gun to her head when you say it like that. LOL. When did you ask her on the second date, right after the first?? It can be good to let her breath for a day.
Getting rejected is part of the game, just get back on the horse!
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On June 01 2016 16:43 GaussTransformation wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2016 16:15 Yoshi Kirishima wrote:On June 01 2016 02:04 GaussTransformation wrote:On June 01 2016 01:33 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
Reading all of this advice ... I am sooo glad I dont have to do this, wow. Does not matter if it works or not but man I am just so glad I dont have to go to a bar alone and talk to random people lol.
I guess I was just lucky. Or you just didn't play too much Starcraft and thought that life was like a buildorder. Read it on the internet. Gotta have to practice that, 100 times over. Grade your progress each time, get it down perfect to the last word, smile and touch! If you are not the dancing type, don't go to clubs to meet people there. If you are not the bar type, that's the wrong place to look for girls too. You know, they may accidentally assume you like going there and want to go there with you later. Seriously, only change yourself for dating so far, how you actually want to change yourself for the future. Again, really think, what you want from a relationship. What do you want to do together? If it is just WoW-raids, uhm... look in your WoW-guild. (you may wanna overthink your life plan, though) If it is some sports, try to look for girls there. You love your Gym... guess what where you should look. You love board games, tabletops, whatever? At least here, there are often local (open) board gaming groups in most towns, meeting weekly. How about going there? You are very political and this is very important to you? At local meetings you can meet likeminded people. This has the advantage, that they most likely will have a similar opinion as you do. Etc. But in the end, the most important thing is probably not to be so on-off-switchy. Be open to contacts, even when you don't expect them. And don't be so desperate for them, when you are looking for them. So many people I know seem to switch between their introverted "don't talk to me" mode, and their "today I wanna meet girls" mode, where they look superneedy. And then they refuse some random conversation in the first one, and in the next one they kill the convo, because they want the phone number right away. But with every advice, there is always the problem: Who is the best person to receive advice from? Especially on the net? The guy, who claims limitless dating experience, who already had 20 girls? Yeah, he is probably good at getting girls. Then again, he is probably not the best at keeping them or finding the right ones... Or do you ask the guy, who had only 1-3 dates, found the right one and is now happy with her? He was probably a very lucky one! And what could he tell you about dating? You had more dates than him! Imho it is best to ask for advice from people who know you. This do not necessarily have to be your friends, but people knowing your character and your circumstances. And then critically evaluate, if their advice applies to your situation and to what you actually want. Holy shit this is amazing. I don't frequent TL very much at all anymore, but saw this thread on the left side and decided to take a look at it since it's relevant at this stage of my life. You explain it so simply, but it all makes sense. Particularly the point of "you love X? find people in places that do or love X also". I mean duh it was so obvious, but it helped for me to read that. Also the point about asking people who know you in regards to specific advice. And lastly the part about just meeting people and not having an on/off mode. Thanks a bunch dude, this got my spirits up a lot more! For me I'm a weeaboo who loves art/animation, music, and also games. So I'll just keep meeting people who are part of communities related to those things. So for me that'd be things like anime cons, esports events, etc. And if I keep pursuing those interests as either a hobby or side job (or ideally as my main career) that'd make it easier to meet similar people. And sure, my kinds of interests may be niche compared to the bar type or whatever, but I guess the point is that there's no point going to bars or whatever if I'm not going to find like minded people. It might be hard for me considering my interests since there's a smaller "pool" of people, but I guess one way to look at it is other people who are looking are also in the same small boat. And if I focus my time on that boat doing things I like, then it doesn't really matter that the boat is small cus that's my world. Yay! Am I getting this? Lemon will disagree, but I will certainly agree. You said it quite nicely. There are others in the same small boat. Now admittedly girls are rarer in esport, but with animecons there should be plenty. But of course, they won't rush at you, so talking to them, being social and all is still your job. But from my distant experience, animecons are generally a place where it is easier to get into contact.
No, not at all! It still might be an issue if you're after animecons and esports events more than a few times per year. And when e.g. talking to girls at the street you never know what you get, she's an open book.
Also a thing to note as long as you have overlap in terms of possible date activities, sharing a passion/interest is not very important in a relationship, only respect and support for what the other person does is, you will be limiting yourself from loads of awesome strongly compatible people if you go only after those with exactly your interests.
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