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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
On May 26 2016 20:00 Mikau wrote: For the people wondering, we've decided on a dinner date at a place with blind waiters where you eat in total darkness. That actually sounds really, really cool  | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
On May 26 2016 19:31 waffelz wrote: Living the dream Since I was on the same road and got it denied, I can definitely say that I would gladly trade in all later relationships to change the fact that my first one blew up. Not because I am still hanging on to it, but because the first one seemingly working out and not failing made me very comfortable. The breakup also made my perspective on the whole thing much more realistic and logical which just sucks. In the end, living in a serious relationship without the experience of how stupidly and easily stuff can fall apart is just so much better. Plus it is basically living a romance movie. Whenever DarkPlasmaBall talks about his relationship, I think “good for him” at the same time as I feel the sting of having been denied just that. Damn you for making me bitter  You're welcome Definitely living the dream She and I have certainly grown over the past decade, and not everything has been fairy tale-ish... so we've developed a decent amount of perspective that's relevant to our relationship, which is good | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
But how are you supposed to know who actually is compatible with you if you never tried anything? Especially when it comes to longer term relationships, the Tinder culture took it to the opposite extreme where you never try and fail, you just find someone else without even trying. Oh and as to the failed past relationships thing - I think that's really important after you try multiple partners, find the really compatible one to commit to, you know you can't take anything for granted, and to keep the fairy tale going actually takes a lot of effort, from both sides. And it's way easier to see warning signs if you've failed before. | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On May 30 2016 06:19 WarSame wrote: Well, damn. It's been going well for me the last little while. I've been seeing this woman. We kissed for the first time on the 4th date. Yesterday was 6th or 7th and we went to 3rd and only didn't go further because she had a visitor. Boy, that really escalated quickly. I wouldn't say 6/7th date oral is escalating it by any means and I think most here will agree... But awesome! Are any feelings starting to show up yet? | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
On May 30 2016 06:19 WarSame wrote: Well, damn. It's been going well for me the last little while. I've been seeing this woman. We kissed for the first time on the 4th date. Yesterday was 6th or 7th and we went to 3rd and only didn't go further because she had a visitor. Boy, that really escalated quickly. It seems rather slow to me. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
On May 30 2016 06:19 WarSame wrote: Well, damn. It's been going well for me the last little while. I've been seeing this woman. We kissed for the first time on the 4th date. Yesterday was 6th or 7th and we went to 3rd and only didn't go further because she had a visitor. Boy, that really escalated quickly. That's great! I think that's a fine pace Enjoy! | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On May 30 2016 15:37 bloodwhore~ wrote: I wouldn't say 6/7th date oral is escalating it by any means and I think most here will agree... But awesome! Are any feelings starting to show up yet? You wouldn't say kissing -> oral is escalating it at all? Feelings came before the physical contact, my man. I don't really get physical until I catch feelings. And probably most people. I'm aware! But I'm a virgin at 22, so I'm not about to rush it  On May 31 2016 04:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: That's great! I think that's a fine pace Enjoy! Thanks | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On May 31 2016 06:59 WarSame wrote: Feelings came before the physical contact, my man. I don't really get physical until I catch feelings. Thanks Actually physical contact leads to feelings, and vice versa! | ||
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DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
On May 31 2016 06:59 WarSame wrote: You wouldn't say kissing -> oral is escalating it at all? Feelings came before the physical contact, my man. I don't really get physical until I catch feelings. And probably most people. I'm aware! But I'm a virgin at 22, so I'm not about to rush it Thanks There's no right or wrong answer to that. The proper pace of physical escalation is simply whatever pace both of you feel comfortable with. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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TheDougler
Canada8324 Posts
Definitely sucks to admit. But it's all about learning from ones mistakes I guess. Sigh... Fuckin way she goes boys. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On May 31 2016 08:00 LemOn wrote: Actually physical contact leads to feelings, and vice versa! Oh I agree, but I find that if I don't have feelings I have a low desire to get physical. Maybe because I watch too much porn? On May 31 2016 08:15 LemOn wrote: Yeah sure, especially early on. Once you get experience and are with the right girl it just sort of happens really really fast No kidding! The last few experiences I've had have all gone the same - slow escalation for a few dates and then a lot happening very fast. Like going from 1st->3rd in 10 or 20 minutes.And it may have been ->home if she wasn't on the rag. I agree, Doctor Helvetica. On May 31 2016 08:15 TheDougler wrote: Well five dates is still five more than I've ever had before. There's... Some merit to some of the comments earlier. I mean, maybe not right off the hop, but there was a window of opportunity that I missed. Definitely sucks to admit. But it's all about learning from ones mistakes I guess. Sigh... Fuckin way she goes boys. You know, the first time I went on a date was... 2nd year university I think. And you know what made that happen? I practiced socializing a lot. Being able to socialize was the real hurdle for me. So I would suggest looking at your greatest weakness in the dating game and try to shore that up? Are you out of shape? Work out. Etc. Course, you just read how little experience I have so take that with a boulder of salt. | ||
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TheDougler
Canada8324 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
If getting new experiences in dating is what you really want, it's nobody's fault but yours that you didn't get them. So either you don't mind and don't complain or look for sympathy, or do mind and do something about it. It's not rocket science, all it takes is interacting with loads of women, being present to your surroundings and the situation, and then e.g. having a journal where you write down how you felt+your progress so you can improve on your experiences. That's it, all it takes is a little effort and expanding your comfort zone consistently. Oh how I remember the times when I felt similarly back in the day, I'd just go sober to a club at 11pm with the single goal of coming over and talking to 10 people (men or women) with no goal but just that - coming over to a person, and talk to them. sometimes it took 5 seconds, sometimes half an hour. And when done, I'd go home - whole exercise takes an hour, you get experiences out of it and often even numbers, but that was not what mattered. | ||
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GaussTransformation
9 Posts
On May 31 2016 13:17 WarSame wrote: You know, the first time I went on a date was... 2nd year university I think. And you know what made that happen? I practiced socializing a lot. Being able to socialize was the real hurdle for me. So I would suggest looking at your greatest weakness in the dating game and try to shore that up? Are you out of shape? Work out. Etc. Course, you just read how little experience I have so take that with a boulder of salt. I can't really agree on that one. Probably because I have seen to many at my math university classes try to do that. When you talked to them, they were really smart, creative and humorous, but also slightly introverted. And what did they do to try to mate? Went to the gym, believing that only with a Jackie Chan 6pack you have a chance. And then went to flunkyball parties and similar, even though they did neither like alcohol nor could take a lot. Because thats where the chicks are, you know! In the end, it always ended the same. They role they played attracted some girls... But it always turned out, that those girls were not compatible. Yeah well... because the girl that would actually fit them was not looking for a cool gorilla dominating the flunkyball championship. Similarly going to a club to meet girls, even though you never go to a club... Well... shitty idea! Attracting others is the first step. And too many lose sight on what comes after. But you should not forget, that you also have to get along after that first step. If you disguise yourself too much to attract others, this will become difficult. Also: You have to be happy in your relationship. People love to think about "how can I make others consider me mating material". But completely ignore, what they really want for themselves. So how about you start thinking about what you want from a relationship? Then think what kind of girls that would be. And now think about how to meet those. And if you have no clue yet, what you want: Don't try to follow some social stigma, but just experiment freely. Are open to people with "weaknesses", just to figure out, if it really disturbs you or not. Many people need some time to find out, what is really key to them. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Artesimo
Germany628 Posts
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