EPTYou are more than your Tinder profile.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 837
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
You are more than your Tinder profile. | ||
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Crocolisk Dundee
870 Posts
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On May 20 2016 22:05 Crocolisk Dundee wrote: You're totally right. Apart from the dismal dating situation, I have great friends, passions, and a career I actually like. People who have their shit together can "learn" the dating game quickly (as in, 3-6 months). View it simply as another skill. The other way around is def not true. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On May 20 2016 21:24 Crocolisk Dundee wrote:About six months ago I installed Tinder and occasionally swipe a couple dozens of girls. I only got a single match and that girl didn't reply when I messaged her. I find that very disheartening, especially because I live in a big city with lots of people using Tinder. I get very sad and anxious when I think about my lack of dating and relationship experience. I try to go out with friends and do healthy activities I am passionate about as often as I can in order to distract myself. When I read articles like these, I want to sit in a corner, cover my face with my hands, and cry. Don't feel bad for getting few matches. I have probably used Tinder most in this thread and it is really all about how good your pictures are. I have remade my account maybe 5-6 times, each time improving the profile. I haven't gotten better looking in one year. However, each new rendition of the profile attracts maybe 5x more girls. It takes some insight in how a good profile will look like. I browse /r/Tinder sometimes, and they have a thread for posting profiles and rating them. It surprises me how people can use some pictures. Sometimes they're not even ugly, but the picture just doesn't show the best of them. If you want to be "successful" on Tinder, ask a friend to take some photos. Show what your passions are in pictures and write a fun bio. As for you getting sad and anxious about your experience. A year ago I hadn't even kissed a girl - you can change too. Just ask out more girls and get that experience. If a relationship or dating is experience is what you want, why distract yourself from that goal? | ||
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Crocolisk Dundee
870 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On May 20 2016 22:09 GoTuNk! wrote: People who have their shit together can "learn" the dating game quickly (as in, 3-6 months). View it simply as another skill. The other way around is def not true. There's so much truth to this! All you need is courage and effort and 3-6 months sounds about right in terms of getting to a place where you can get comfortable around women and get as many as you want easily at any time. And it's so much easier with your other areas of life in line. And if it really bothers you, I'd say Step1 is to push your comfort zone, delete Tinder anyway and get talking to women in real life | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On May 20 2016 21:24 Crocolisk Dundee wrote: Just read this article on Tinder and hookup culture: http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating. The male interviewees claim they get a lot of matches and hook up very frequently. For them, sex comes before emotional intimacy. About six months ago I installed Tinder and occasionally swipe a couple dozens of girls. I only got a single match and that girl didn't reply when I messaged her. I find that very disheartening, especially because I live in a big city with lots of people using Tinder. I get very sad and anxious when I think about my lack of dating and relationship experience. I try to go out with friends and do healthy activities I am passionate about as often as I can in order to distract myself. When I read articles like these, I want to sit in a corner, cover my face with my hands, and cry. Thank you for posting that article. I really, really love this thread! | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On May 20 2016 06:21 IgnE wrote: I hate the direct question: "what are your passions?" Anything that produced a response that sounds like a sale or an interview answer is pretty fake imo. This one's pretty bizzare btw? Don't know about you, but if a girl has literally no passions it's a pretty big red flag. "What's one thing you are passionate about?" And I'd love if people asked that. Instead of how many brothers or sisters do you have or what is your study subject, lol. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Some things are definitely true, a lot of people send messages like "Want to fuck?" straight out of nowhere. However every girl I've heard talk about it are strictly against that type of shit. I'm guessing these people just sent the same thing to every match they have and pray someone responds because they have zero "text game" as they called it in the article. The most fucked up thing about this article is that it seems to make the case that all women on Tinder are looking for Mr. Gentleman and the guys who just want to have sex are horrible people. It really is absurd, they portray women as some asexual beings. It's even more biased because they have obviously just asked really good looking people. The article would be a extremely different if they had interviewed average guys with barely decent profiles. Then it would be like "I barely get any matches and the matches I get do not answer to my messages." My experiences: Should you get Tinder with the sole intention of getting a relationship? No. Should you get Tinder if you are scared of approaching women cold and just want some dating experience? Sure. Is it easy to get laid? If you are decently good looking and no a total dipshit - sure. Do all women just want sex on Tinder? No, where I live I would say it's somewhere around 50/50. I guess it is different in a fairly small town where most of the users between 19-27 are students at the same university though. | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
On May 21 2016 23:29 LemOn wrote: This one's pretty bizzare btw? Don't know about you, but if a girl has literally no passions it's a pretty big red flag. "What's one thing you are passionate about?" And I'd love if people asked that. Instead of how many brothers or sisters do you have or what is your study subject, lol. I didn't say that I hate people who care about stuff. I said I hate the direct question: "What are your passions?" Comes off as too much deepak chopra and not enough real talk. Not to mention I can't even count the number of times that someone has told me they are really passionate about X but that the last time they did anything to do with X was months ago and that most days they just zone out to Real Housewives while scrolling through instagram and facebook feeds. But I guess "i'm passionate about accumulating likes on social media" isn't allowed as an answer. My point is that if someone actually is passionate about something that should become clear in the course of an organic conversation. You shouldn't have to tick it off the list of interview questions because you will just get a sour canned answer of questionable veracity. | ||
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ragnasaur
United States804 Posts
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Crocolisk Dundee
870 Posts
On May 21 2016 10:29 WarSame wrote: Thank you for posting that article. I really, really love this thread! On May 21 2016 23:01 LemOn wrote: Read the whole thing, interesting article. On May 21 2016 23:34 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: A long article, but definitely worth the read about the current dating scene. Glad you enjoyed reading the article. I agree different people will have different experiences with Tinder or similar dating apps. The article is not a sociological study and portrays only a hand-picked sample of Tinder users. For me personally, getting very few matches and absolutely zero responses to messages on Tinder has been a bad experience. | ||
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The_Masked_Shrimp
425 Posts
" Summary: A simple guy Occupation: Business Good at: Making money, poker Message if: you want to " That profile got around 200 messages in around 6 weeks. The other got 1 in the same period. After that I added "One of the last "no sex before marriage" people" in the summary of the good looking guy. In the next 3 weeks he only received 5 more messages. 2 of them of girls upset about his commitment lol This really made me loose my faith in online dating. | ||
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APurpleCow
United States1372 Posts
The first half of your experiment showed that girls generally don't like to message first, so of course they won't message the 6/10, detailed profile (not necessarily a good profile) guy. That shouldn't be a surprise. The second half showed that there are some girls on okcupid who are want to have sex with hot guys. That shouldn't be much of a surprise either. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
1) Superficial looks are what matters in online dating, where just about everything else is totally unreliable. 2) DTF Gold diggers are more likely to take initiative than other women. It's way easier to get actual quality relationships in real life than online, in terms of time and effort spent as well, only thing you need is courage to take initiative in real life and face rejection. For everything else, there's the Internet, not sure why you'd lose faith in it when that's what you should go into it with in the first place | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On May 22 2016 22:59 LemOn wrote: What a surprise 1) Superficial looks are what matters in online dating, where just about everything else is totally unreliable. 2) DTF Gold diggers are more likely to take initiative than other women. I wouldn't say that is all that matters if the girl is looking for something a bit more serious. However it is definitely an immense contributor to getting dates in the first place. On May 22 2016 22:07 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:This really made me loose my faith in online dating. It makes no sense for someone to go for a 5/10 person when she could go for a 8/10 and the opportunity to get a date is roughly equally big. Do you think you would go for average looking girls if you could easily get dates with hotter girls? Doubt it. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Impervious
Canada4222 Posts
I had very low hopes for it though, so I wasn't disappointed. | ||
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