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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 24 2016 19:54 mahrgell wrote:
Surely asking her out when she is in full focus mode because she has her highly anticipated math exam 3 days later will be a great idea. If you are unlucky, she is already in panic mode, because the exam is on the next day.
Seriously, the library during exam season? Sounds like the worst idea ever. Well maybe except trying to hit on saleswoman during the last weekend before xmas.
You don't necessarily have to go on a date before the exam season is over.
If she can't handle getting asked out just because she is studying for an exam - well then she is fucked in real life. I don't deny that the odds of her saying no might be slightly lower, but he asked how you would go about it during exam period, and I honestly don't think there is a big difference. If you want to ask out women you go to where they are, library, coffee shops, out on the street hustling.
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When you're demanding attention from someone wanting to focus on the imminent important thing in their life, you'll come off as superobnoxious and arrogant. You'll need a pretty silver tongue to pull that off without any bruises imo.
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Women who decide that they do not want to entertain advances during exam time are not "fucked for real life" lol. They are just being rational exam takers. This is not to say that there are not women who might enjoy a distraction during exam season, rather that there are many who are justifiably resistant to flirtation during that time.
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I mean obviously this may change for different cultures but pretty sure in Germany and Spain where I studied you'd get 9/10 instant rejections in that scenario.
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You guys are kinda twisting what I said and being a bit overdramatic in my opinion.
On April 24 2016 22:10 Uldridge wrote:
When you're demanding attention from someone wanting to focus on the imminent important thing in their life, you'll come off as superobnoxious and arrogant. You'll need a pretty silver tongue to pull that off without any bruises imo.
You make it sound really fucked up. Unless you can't read social cues it would be pretty clear if she wanted to talk to you or not, it's not like your going to her with a gun forcing her to talk to you. How is engaging a casual conversation with someone being demanding in any way? You don't even know she has a imminent death test next Wednesday. Do you automatically assume everyone has zero time for a chat during exam seasons?
On April 24 2016 22:22 farvacola wrote:
Women who decide that they do not want to entertain advances during exam time are not "fucked for real life" lol. They are just being rational exam takers. This is not to say that there are not women who might enjoy a distraction during exam season, rather that there are many who are justifiably resistant to flirtation during that time.
I'm not sure if you interpreted him the same way I did. If she practically has a meltdown because someone engages her in a conversation when she is studying I would definitely say she is way out there.
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the only idiot in that scenario is the person who goes cruising at the library filled with people who went there specifically to not be bothered before an exam
mahrgell is right - you'rse dense enough to try kicking game to a cashier at a department store during the week of christmas, and think she's an asshole for telling you to fuck off
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We are talking about a library. People usually go there for certain reasons, and looking for friendly banter is not one of them.
Even outside exam season I would consider our university library a horrible place to look for casual conversations. And even if your target of choice accepts, everyone else around will quickly silence you with some death stares. During exam season you better stfu there and keep silent.
What you describe sounds more like the meadows in the city park. A lot of ppl study there as well during exam season. Still... go ahead and try. You will probably get rejected a lot, but at least you do not look like a total weirdo.
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On April 25 2016 00:44 QuanticHawk wrote:
mahrgell is right - you'rse dense enough to try kicking game to a cashier at a department store during the week of christmas, and think she's an asshole for telling you to fuck off
Feel free to contribute to the discussion instead of making absurd personal attacks.
We are talking about a library. People usually go there for certain reasons, and looking for friendly banter is not one of them.
Even outside exam season I would consider our university library a horrible place to look for casual conversations. And even if your target of choice accepts, everyone else around will quickly silence you with some death stares. During exam season you better stfu there and keep silent.
What you describe sounds more like the meadows in the city park. A lot of ppl study there as well during exam season. Still... go ahead and try. You will probably get rejected a lot, but at least you do not look like a total weirdo.
I agree that the library isn't the greatest place, especially if they have a strictly no talking zone. It was just one suggestion. At my university a part of the library is designated so you can talk if you want to, there you could hit up a conversation. I personally would never would do it in the PUA sense in regards to just getting her number.
I have seen multiple "yik yak" posts about people getting asked out while studying etc and it's not frowned upon at all here. One of these even made it to the local news, a guy had gone to a girl studying saying she was cute or something and she wanted to know who he was. They went on a date yadda yadda. This wasn't in the library of course, it was at one of the many studying places on campus.
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it isn't absurd, and it is on point. you've suggested time and time again invading someones personal space at situations where people typically don't like to be bothered, which is why everyone says it is bad idea
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On April 25 2016 02:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
it isn't absurd, and it is on point. you've suggested time and time again invading someones personal space at situations where people typically don't like to be bothered, which is why everyone says it is bad idea
Either I'm being baited or you're making stuff up. Either way, I'm not going to bother unless you're serious.
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Eh not sure what's the big deal. Everyone usually goes to pick up books/journals and you can talk to girls there Super easily between shelves.
And if you see a gorgeous girl for the first time at a large disjointed uni studying and chances of running into her again are slim, it seems irrational to me not come over, tell her you think she's gorgeous or whatever interests you on her and tell her to give you her number so you can get to know her when you're not busy studying. Takes a couple minutes max and has wayyy higher chance than working on a saleswoman in peak times that is nice to people for a living and gets hit on a ton.
It's not rocket science, just be your genuine self, be honest and state what you want - would you really tell a gorgeous girl that seems to turn you on by her presence to fuckoff when she comes over, says you look interesting/cute and suggests to get her number so you can get together when you're not studying even when your exam is coming up in half an hour?
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On April 25 2016 18:03 LemOn wrote:
Eh not sure what's the big deal. Everyone usually goes to pick up books/journals and you can talk to girls there Super easily between shelves.
And if you see a gorgeous girl for the first time at a large disjointed uni studying and chances of running into her again are slim, it seems irrational to me not come over, tell her you think she's gorgeous or whatever interests you on her and tell her to give you her number so you can get to know her when you're not busy studying. Takes a couple minutes max and has wayyy higher chance than working on a saleswoman in peak times that is nice to people for a living and gets hit on a ton.
It's not rocket science, just be your genuine self, be honest and state what you want - would you really tell a gorgeous girl that seems to turn you on by her presence to fuckoff when she comes over, says you look interesting/cute and suggests to get her number so you can get together when you're not studying even when your exam is coming up in half an hour?
I think the main point here is that if she's stressed out for an upcoming exam, it's unlikely she sees you as "someone who turns her on", and far more likely that you're seen as some rude guy who interrupted her train of thought, and now she's even more stressed and omg, still talking, make it stop!
That said, if your only chance of seeing her is at a library, then go for it. Worst case scenario, she tells you she's busy and go away.
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On April 24 2016 12:07 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
Since I'm almost certainly going to 4.0 this semester, any way to find girls during exam season?
On April 24 2016 15:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I guess you can hit the library, people might be studying there. Ask if there is room at their table, engage casual talk. Ask for number before you leave.
Sorry, but I'm throwing in with everyone else... exam season is a very high-stress time for most students, and the library during exam season is absolutely not the place to try your luck. Try a bar or coffee shop or anywhere else after exams end.
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Nobody is busy enough to the point of not having 2-5 min to spare in a day. Nobody.
My supervisor has so many responsibilities, more than 10 PhD students and post docs, Director of the school of Environment at my university, principal and co- investigator on several international projects, all while chasing for grants etc. And she always says that people who think they are too busy are just badly organized.
It's never wrong to initiate dialogue, even when someone is busy doing something else. If they don't want to talk or don't have time they can say so. It's not necessarily disrespectful to interrupt someone in the middle of something if it's done with courtesy and you don't insist once denied. On the other hand acting upset right off the bat while being interrupted in such a way is disrespectful. You don't get a free "he initiated an unsolicited interaction so I can be an asshole" card.
This whole safe space thing is really unsettling, basically people now believe you can't start talking to anyone unless you've been brought together by a common group activity. You can't talk to someone reading a book in a park, because they came here to read a book and not being talked to. You can't talk to anyone doing anything because they obviously mean to be doing whatever they're doing instead of being talked to right? Nobody would talk to anyone under any circumstances with this line of thoughts.
So in the library, or anywhere else, just go for it and don't insist. If they are receptive that's great for you, if not move on. And if anybody has some preconceived notion that it's somehow rude from you to interrupt them doing whatever they're doing, just ignore that and move on also.
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On April 26 2016 02:15 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:
Nobody is busy enough to the point of not having 2-5 min to spare in a day. Nobody.
It's never wrong to initiate dialogue, even when someone is busy doing something else. If they don't want to talk or don't have time they can say so. It's not necessarily disrespectful to interrupt someone in the middle of something if it's done with courtesy and you don't insist once denied. On the other hand acting upset right off the bat while being interrupted in such a way is disrespectful. You don't get a free "he initiated an unsolicited interaction so I can be an asshole" card.
This whole safe space thing is really unsettling, basically people now believe you can't start talking to anyone unless you've been brought together by a common group activity. You can't talk to someone reading a book in a park, because they came here to read a book and not being talked to. You can't talk to anyone doing anything because they obviously mean to be doing whatever they're doing instead of being talked to right? Nobody would talk to anyone under any circumstances with this line of thoughts.
So in the library, or anywhere else, just go for it and don't insist. If they are receptive that's great for you, if not move on. And if anybody has some preconceived notion that it's somehow rude from you to interrupt them doing whatever they're doing, just ignore that and move on also.
That's not the point. The point is that they're not in the mindset to be talking up a stranger/ getting talked up by a stranger, because they're focused (and need to be focused) on their work. Exams are very high-stakes; in many cases, 1 or 2 exams can be 80-100% of a final grade in a class. So just because they may have 2 minutes of technical downtime as they leave the bathroom and walk back to their seat (or whatever) doesn't mean you should necessarily be bothering them. It's just a bad time overall in general. You might get lucky, but there are academic reasons why they're in the library. Be sensitive of this, and hang out at a bar or coffee shop when people aren't locked into their studies.
Furthermore, this has nothing to do with "safe spaces" (you're literally using the term wrong), and you seem to have no idea of what respect entails if you're going to walk up to people and just interrupt them while they're doing something important. That's a very, very immature approach, and absolutely awful advice in general. Their world doesn't revolve around you.
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" There isn't a high chance of success so I won't give it a try".
Nice personal attacks on me having no clue about respect or being immature. You seem to have your own opinion about what safe space is, great. Did you not understand what I meant in my post? I believe you did understand but decided to nitpick on the use of an expression, very constructive.
Let's assume that there is one couple on this planet that met in a library during the exam period. There is no way to prove there is such a couple, but I don't think it's such a stretch to assume there is at least one, is it? Even if there is just one it would justify trying even if it "bothers" some people on the way.
You make it sound like you would make them fail their exams by asking them if they would like to talk. That's not such a big deal. You can also just ask if they have time / would like to meet after they are done with their study for the day
And yes I realize it's definitely not the best place and time to ask a girl out; if you can see that girl again at other times when she's less busy it's obviously better. But if you only know her from the library chances are that after the exams she won't keep coming at the library no?
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On April 26 2016 03:00 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:
" There isn't a high chance of success so I won't give it a try".
That's not at all the point. The point is that you're specifically going into a place that is supposed to be used for studying, and you're distracting people while they're actually doing something important (during the most important time of the semester).
Nice personal attacks on me having no clue about respect or being immature.
It wasn't a personal attack. Your remarks showed that you're not willing to respect people while they're studying silently, and I pointed that out.
You seem to have your own opinion about what safe space is, great. Did you not understand what I meant in my post? I believe you did understand but decided to nitpick on the use of an expression, very constructive.
It's not my opinion/ definition. It's what the definition of safe space is in a social/ educational context. And you're right that that's neither here nor there, which is why I didn't focus much on your misnomer. But your comments did reek of the self-important stance that if you interrupt someone, it's their fault for being offended or annoyed and that they should automatically be okay with you distracting them. Again, their world doesn't revolve around you. And given this context, their world probably revolves around making sure they pass their classes over the next week or so.
Let's assume that there is one couple on this planet that met in a library during the exam period. There is no way to prove there is such a couple, but I don't think it's such a stretch to assume there is at least one, is it? Even if there is just one it would justify trying even if it "bothers" some people on the way.
The hypothetical (or real) success of one couple who met during exam time in the library doesn't make it good advice though. What matters is how the typical student would react when they've specifically gone to the library to quietly focus on studying for their final exams, and then you walk up to them and try having an irrelevant conversation. Also, it looks really, really desperate if you're going to go from table to table in the library, asking every girl there for their number until one of them says yes. That's really creepy.
I'd wager that studying together in the library during exam time would be something that could be beneficial, as opposed to walking up to a stranger and creeping on them for 2 minutes. It's not the time or the place to be picking up dates with strangers. As said before, just wait a week for exams to be over... or if you can't, you can still hang out at a coffee shop or bar or other social area for students to visit when they want to unwind after studying for the day. That could be a good topic of conversation! But not while they're literally studying.
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On April 26 2016 03:00 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:
" There isn't a high chance of success so I won't give it a try".
Nice personal attacks on me having no clue about respect or being immature. You seem to have your own opinion about what safe space is, great. Did you not understand what I meant in my post? I believe you did understand but decided to nitpick on the use of an expression, very constructive.
Let's assume that there is one couple on this planet that met in a library during the exam period. There is no way to prove there is such a couple, but I don't think it's such a stretch to assume there is at least one, is it? Even if there is just one it would justify trying even if it "bothers" some people on the way.
You make it sound like you would make them fail their exams by asking them if they would like to talk. That's not such a big deal. You can also just ask if they have time / would like to meet after they are done with their study for the day
And yes I realize it's definitely not the best place and time to ask a girl out; if you can see that girl again at other times when she's less busy it's obviously better. But if you only know her from the library chances are that after the exams she won't keep coming at the library no?
Which actually brings up another point: there has to be at least one other person who's also pretty much guaranteed to 4.0 their semester. So where would they be?
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On April 26 2016 03:41 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2016 03:00 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:
" There isn't a high chance of success so I won't give it a try".
Nice personal attacks on me having no clue about respect or being immature. You seem to have your own opinion about what safe space is, great. Did you not understand what I meant in my post? I believe you did understand but decided to nitpick on the use of an expression, very constructive.
Let's assume that there is one couple on this planet that met in a library during the exam period. There is no way to prove there is such a couple, but I don't think it's such a stretch to assume there is at least one, is it? Even if there is just one it would justify trying even if it "bothers" some people on the way.
You make it sound like you would make them fail their exams by asking them if they would like to talk. That's not such a big deal. You can also just ask if they have time / would like to meet after they are done with their study for the day
And yes I realize it's definitely not the best place and time to ask a girl out; if you can see that girl again at other times when she's less busy it's obviously better. But if you only know her from the library chances are that after the exams she won't keep coming at the library no? Which actually brings up another point: there has to be at least one other person who's also pretty much guaranteed to 4.0 their semester. So where would they be?
Plot twist:
TheMaskedShrimp goes to libraries to prey on other people who are trying to prey on students...
Because he's the hero that colleges deserve, but not the one they need right now, so we'll hunt him. Because he can take it, because he's not a hero. He's a silent scallop, a watchful lobster, a Masked Shrimp.
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Definition or not, you are nitpicking. Still pretty sure I used it correctly even after checking.
My quote was exactly on point.
My point was about liking a girl you only know from the library, not arbitrarily choosing the library over other places to go hit on random girls. If there is a girl you like that you only see at the library you'd have to talk to her while she's there.
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EPT
