Dating: How's your luck? - Page 795

On February 05 2016 16:24 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Hey guys, do any of you have any experience finding a 3rd or 4th person for some less than vanilla type encounters? My lady and I have been together for three years, and I think we're reaching that point where though I might feel reluctant to share my precious, I don't have to worry whether I'll still be loved if she's stuffed by someone else.

Our University was doing "sex week", and we attended this seminar (it was actually abouts kinks), and I think it helped open up the conversation about this kind of stuff between one another.

Weve never done "hardcore" things as defined by the online community, but we do things like anal, very light bondage, spanking, and rough sex all-around, and are very open minded about this kind of stuff. I've always known my girlfriend liked stuff like ogres and threesomes... And hey, it might be fun, seeing her get plowed and destroyed like that, as well as opening the doors for things like a two girl threesome. Though maybe we would be more comfortable going the swinger route and finding a couple, that way, everyone's mentality in the act is quite similar, and potential nervousness and fears will be mutual.

Anyway, just seeing if anyone has any experience going about these things. Any guidance and advice to keep it fun, discrete, and safe would be appreciated. (disclaimer: I know these types of things aren't for everyone, and I'm not looking for advice of not doing it because it's dangerous for the relationship).

On February 05 2016 16:24 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Hey guys, do any of you have any experience finding a 3rd or 4th person for some less than vanilla type encounters? My lady and I have been together for three years, and I think we're reaching that point where though I might feel reluctant to share my precious, I don't have to worry whether I'll still be loved if she's stuffed by someone else.

Our University was doing "sex week", and we attended this seminar (it was actually abouts kinks), and I think it helped open up the conversation about this kind of stuff between one another.

Weve never done "hardcore" things as defined by the online community, but we do things like anal, very light bondage, spanking, and rough sex all-around, and are very open minded about this kind of stuff. I've always known my girlfriend liked stuff like ogres and threesomes... And hey, it might be fun, seeing her get plowed and destroyed like that, as well as opening the doors for things like a two girl threesome. Though maybe we would be more comfortable going the swinger route and finding a couple, that way, everyone's mentality in the act is quite similar, and potential nervousness and fears will be mutual.

Anyway, just seeing if anyone has any experience going about these things. Any guidance and advice to keep it fun, discrete, and safe would be appreciated. (disclaimer: I know these types of things aren't for everyone, and I'm not looking for advice of not doing it because it's dangerous for the relationship).

On February 05 2016 16:32 GreenHorizons wrote:


"Ogres" I fucking fell out of my chair haha.

Anyway, I had a friend who would cruise craigslist to be couple's black guy fantasy. It would usually involve exchanging photos, then a phone call, sometimes some sort of facetime/webcam, then meeting in a hotel or whatever.

I would suppose those are the basics from a logistics pov. They have clubs too (at least around here) where you pay a small fee and are able to meet/arrange things within a private community.

On February 06 2016 02:34 FiWiFaKi wrote:
@GreenHorizons

@B.I.G: Again, not the response I'm looking for, but for the sake of clarification, it'd be 1 guy, a couple, or a girl (likely another guy or a couple for the first time, much easier to find online also for obvious reasons), and I'd be taking part. I think it's something my girlfriend would like to try more than me, but I've never had a threesome, and I think it'd be fun to try a two girl one guy threesome as well. With normal people it'd be difficult to pursue, but it'd be fun to try and I'd like to have that opportunity in my life.

@QuanticHawk: I can see where you're coming from, but I've thought about it quite a bit, and obviously, the first time it brought up, I'm like... I'd get sad, I wouldn't like to see like that blah blah. I dunno, I think the average person takes a very idealistic approach to this topic - it's not like you don't masturbate to thoughts of other women on occasion, and people create this mental barrier for themselves of where it's wrong. But when you remove the love and emotions from it, and you do it for the thrill and pleasure, I think this type of thing can work. She asks me about permission for things that even seem excessive, she's very open with me, tells me what she did every day and when someone tried to hit on her etc, and I can tell that I'm far and away her number one... I think that holds a lot of people back is that the trust simply isn't all the way there.

@GreenHorizons (2nd reply): Hey, that's good advice, thanks. We are both straight (which as we've been searching some sites, seems to be like 50/50 of the couples we've found online trying the same kind of stuff are heterosexual also). It's tough to know whether they're safe though, since they can just kind of lie... With my girlfriend we agreed no sex before we both get tested, and we ended up breaking it, but at least there was a significant level of trust that was able to build up in that month or whatever before we had sex for the first time.

@QuanticHawk (2nd reply): I tried to explain in my reply to B.I.G. what I meant by that. I'm not saying do this for my girlfriend, so I can have a 2 girl threesome afterwards, I can see how it came off as that. I dunno, I'd just think that a lot of people might have some sort of fantasies they'd like to try, but they hide them away for fear of being judged, putting their partner in an uncomfortable position, etc. But having open communication and trying new things allows both people to be more open-minded, and be willing to explore new things. A relationship is important in my life that it brings me that stability and happiness that is difficult to describe, but at the same time, you might not want to potentially restrict your sexual desires for the rest of your life. I don't think that sex is the fabric that holds your entire relationship together, sure, it's an aspect, but I'd say it's more about that emotional connection that keeps you together, and intimate sex is something that can bring two people closer together.

I don't have self-esteem issues, I know myself, I know I have my flaws and blah blah, but fears like being scared that she will like the dick of someone else more, or someone will make her feel than I do, and she will leave me isn't really justified... That's the things you fear when there's incomplete trust in a relationship. Anyway, make know mistakes, I'm making several strongly opinionated points with little argument, but the thought process behind them is a lot more detailed than what I wrote here.

There's definitely risk involved like you say, and if it does go south, it's like you said, difficult to recover from something like that... And trying it on a smaller scale, then analyze our emotions about how we feel isn't a bad idea (thus lowering the risk of it going bad in the full-scale scenario). However, it's difficult to "test", like the example that was given previously of going to a bar and letting a guy flirt with her, because that implicates the guy has emotions for this girl... I don't want that, I want there to be an emotional disconnect between her and him, and only the physical arousal is invoked.

Anyway, appreciate the feedback guys, though in retrospect, not sure if this was the right place to go ask.