|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 30 2016 07:04 IgnE wrote:
Broke is a matter of credit now. Having less debt doesn't make you less broke and vice versa.
Meeting other people is easier in college. If you think it's hard when "focusing on your studies" just think about "focusing on your career." At most jobs you literally spend 40+ hours a week in the same damn cubicle. Excuses are excuses.
And there it is, the knight of the more chill side. Or the one who glorifies the past. I don’t know. Again, wasn't complaining about my situation but since I actually know both sides, in terms of dating there are absolutely 0 benefits for me from being a student. Not saying it is impossible, just that there are no benefit from it. Just accept that for some work life will be either not much worse or even better 
|
Hey, thanks for the replies so far. I honestly don't know if I am indeed looking too much, as has been suggested, or if it's something else. But either way, I'm gonna take a much more laid back approach, just try to make new friends and such. I guess that's something I have to work on as well, be more outgoing and try to be less quiet.
About online dating, I know that I need to work on my pictures and profiles, but it's always taken a backseat for me. It's just weird that I have a 0% replay rate, but as someone else also had it a page back, it might not be as uncommon as I'd have thought.
And I also have to side with waffelz here about Uni. I know quite a few other people who go to a college in the same city as me who work towards a teaching degree and it's as waffelz said, they have much more time to chill and do other stuff. I've had quite a few weeks of honestly ~50 hours, so I know how bad it'll probably be in the future, hence my fear of not being able to meet new people later on. But this is the thing I WANT to do, I can't see myself doing any other thing in the future and not hating it, so yeah...
|
On January 30 2016 07:22 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On January 30 2016 07:04 IgnE wrote:
Broke is a matter of credit now. Having less debt doesn't make you less broke and vice versa.
Meeting other people is easier in college. If you think it's hard when "focusing on your studies" just think about "focusing on your career." At most jobs you literally spend 40+ hours a week in the same damn cubicle. Excuses are excuses. And there it is, the knight of the more chill side. Or the one who glorifies the past. I don’t know. Again, wasn't complaining about my situation but since I actually know both sides, in terms of dating there are absolutely 0 benefits for me from being a student. Not saying it is impossible, just that there are no benefit from it. Just accept that for some work life will be either not much worse or even better
If you aren't chill now what makes you think you will be chill later? It's objectively better as a student given equal levels of chill.
|
On January 28 2016 23:04 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 27 2016 06:45 LemOn wrote:
yeah would be fun.
Online dating is a game of numbers - you ask them out withing 3-4 messages and go on loads of dates, because the chemistry simply won't be there most of the time and online profiles are pretty much useless for that. So you can't be discouraged after 2 days off of it, I'd say if you go on 100 dates off of online dating, finding 5-10 girls with strong mutual chemistry is really good, and 1-2 that tick all your boxes for someone to get serious with if you're lucky if you're like me and don't want to compromise in major things.
So you haven't even tried really and are throwing in the towel - if you choose online dating you have to be prepared to play the numbers game and your sample size is more or less worthless. it's really no different than talking to anyone in person. you still know zero about the person. there is no greater or less chance for the chemistry to be there. the only difference is you get an instant answer if you muster up the balls to chat up someone, and youcan instantly suss out whether or not you like her personality. It's still very much a numbers game, and looks are still the #1 decider in whether you get past introducing yourself. You can very much go up to every girl in a bar and go home empty handed. Show nested quote +On January 27 2016 06:57 LemOn wrote:
To add this is why I think it's a waste of time and IRL talking to real people is so much more effective.
And to IRL - why would you go on dates when there's not the mutual chemistry you're looking for in the first place? You should pick up on that in the 5-10 minutes when you're talking to them first no if you choose the honest approach.
no different than messaging/texting for a while online before meeting, and if anything, the person will typically post a profile or answer questions that allows you to suss out things you don't like as to not even waste your time. Show nested quote +On January 28 2016 05:33 JoeCool wrote:
So my best advice is, chill out and relax! Live a healthy life, meet people, make new friends and learn to love yourself for what you are! And the most important thing: Be happy with or without a woman. And then, dating women will become much, much, much easier. :-) yup 100% also re phontos being everything online, depends on the medium. tinder = club where you can't hear, 100% photos okc and the like = bar where you can talk a little, physical attraction still matters just like at a real bar, but you have an opportunity to preemptively show your personality before ever being messaged
1) There's no need to text, especially if you met someone in real life besides a couple text per week to set up a date.
But phoning's just so much better.
2) You can play the numbers way faster. IRL you can have a chat with what - 10-20 people per hour? And you spend say 20-60 minutes travelling to the mall/club/social event. And with mutual chemistry and attraction being by far more important than anything else, you find out instantly. You're right about the other stuff - you can see their interests etc. before you meet them
I still think going on a date with a person you've already met and see that you click and are attracted to each other will be worth 4-5 dates from online dating where you've read about the characteristics the person't put out there about themselves.
3) Realistically, how long do you spend on swiping/writing rewriting profile, looking at other girls profiles and crafting messages then responding to get one date? Because it was a lot of time and attention when I did it, and unlike real life conversations where you meet new friends, improve your confidence and social skills it's pretty much a waste of time.
When if you go out, you can go out with the goal of approaching 10 (20,30) strangers with an open mind and when you're done you're done. And those that you do take out will be quality "leads" with potential.
Also you can get way better girls in real life once you get comfortable than online - with average looks and build if you're comfortable with yourself you can get stunning girls where they wouldn't give you their time of the day even as your looks and online persona is all they can judge you on. So for guys that want to date georgeous looking girls but don't have a model physique and looks themselves like me it's pretty much the only option that's why I'm defending real life interactions so fiercely and am totally biased :D
|
On January 30 2016 08:45 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On January 30 2016 07:22 waffelz wrote:On January 30 2016 07:04 IgnE wrote:
Broke is a matter of credit now. Having less debt doesn't make you less broke and vice versa.
Meeting other people is easier in college. If you think it's hard when "focusing on your studies" just think about "focusing on your career." At most jobs you literally spend 40+ hours a week in the same damn cubicle. Excuses are excuses. And there it is, the knight of the more chill side. Or the one who glorifies the past. I don’t know. Again, wasn't complaining about my situation but since I actually know both sides, in terms of dating there are absolutely 0 benefits for me from being a student. Not saying it is impossible, just that there are no benefit from it. Just accept that for some work life will be either not much worse or even better If you aren't chill now what makes you think you will be chill later? It's objectively better as a student given equal levels of chill.
Except then I will get paid for that stress instead of having to pay for it and most likely will even have money on the side to spend for stuff that I enjoy. You Americans should understand this much better since in comparison to the USA you could consider studying in Germany as “free”. I also highlighted the part that you obviously skipped.
EDIT: Plus I really laugh at 40+ hours a week while getting paid to do those... If you are a bit older I forgive you though as studying has changed a lot.
|
On January 30 2016 18:52 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On January 30 2016 08:45 IgnE wrote:On January 30 2016 07:22 waffelz wrote:On January 30 2016 07:04 IgnE wrote:
Broke is a matter of credit now. Having less debt doesn't make you less broke and vice versa.
Meeting other people is easier in college. If you think it's hard when "focusing on your studies" just think about "focusing on your career." At most jobs you literally spend 40+ hours a week in the same damn cubicle. Excuses are excuses. And there it is, the knight of the more chill side. Or the one who glorifies the past. I don’t know. Again, wasn't complaining about my situation but since I actually know both sides, in terms of dating there are absolutely 0 benefits for me from being a student. Not saying it is impossible, just that there are no benefit from it. Just accept that for some work life will be either not much worse or even better If you aren't chill now what makes you think you will be chill later? It's objectively better as a student given equal levels of chill. Except then I will get paid for that stress instead of having to pay for it and most likely will even have money on the side to spend for stuff that I enjoy. You Americans should understand this much better since in comparison to the USA you could consider studying in Germany as “free”. I also highlighted the part that you obviously skipped. EDIT: Plus I really laugh at 40+ hours a week while getting paid to do those... If you are a bit older I forgive you though as studying has changed a lot.
Literally printed my master's thesis an hour ago. Can confirm that if you are serious about studying something like engineering without studying for longer than you have to 40+ hours is laughable. For most semesters 50+ is realistic and then there are some semesters where you just study 24/7 for weeks every single day. Not to mention exams. Then again, you can always get a degree in environmental studies and get credited for sitting in the forest. No joke. Or study Business administration. A lot of lazy people that failed other stuff go study that.
TL;DR: studying can be REALLY tough and way more time-consuming than an 8-5 job depending on what you study and how serious you are about it. Also people who do environmental studies are 99% hippies.
Now I just have to get the song "I would walk 500 miles" out of my head. Listened to it for about 10 hours on repeat to keep me going through the night.
|
Comparing the workload between a masters degree and an 9-5 job is flawed as you are not going to go work a 9-5 job with your masters degree. It's not that studying isn't or can't be tough. It's just that if you have any sort of ambitions you are not going to get more time when you are done with your masters degree - you are only going to get less. Thus, using "I don't have enough time" is pretty damn stupid as you are never going to get more.
|
On January 30 2016 19:44 Fi0na wrote:
Literally printed my master's thesis an hour ago. Can confirm that if you are serious about studying something like engineering without studying for longer than you have to 40+ hours is laughable. For most semesters 50+ is realistic and then there are some semesters where you just study 24/7 for weeks every single day. Not to mention exams. Then again, you can always get a degree in environmental studies and get credited for sitting in the forest. No joke. Or study Business administration. A lot of lazy people that failed other stuff go study that.
TL;DR: studying can be REALLY tough and way more time-consuming than an 8-5 job depending on what you study and how serious you are about it. Also people who do environmental studies are 99% hippies.
Now I just have to get the song "I would walk 500 miles" out of my head. Listened to it for about 10 hours on repeat to keep me going through the night.
Depending on what you study and your ambitions of course, you don't HAVE to study 40 hours per week. My grades won't really do me any special favors for example. A good portfolio and merits will however.
However I fail to see how your time spent studying has anything to do with dating. Prioritize and you will have plenty of time over for dating.
|
On January 30 2016 19:44 Fi0na wrote:Show nested quote +On January 30 2016 18:52 waffelz wrote:On January 30 2016 08:45 IgnE wrote:On January 30 2016 07:22 waffelz wrote:On January 30 2016 07:04 IgnE wrote:
Broke is a matter of credit now. Having less debt doesn't make you less broke and vice versa.
Meeting other people is easier in college. If you think it's hard when "focusing on your studies" just think about "focusing on your career." At most jobs you literally spend 40+ hours a week in the same damn cubicle. Excuses are excuses. And there it is, the knight of the more chill side. Or the one who glorifies the past. I don’t know. Again, wasn't complaining about my situation but since I actually know both sides, in terms of dating there are absolutely 0 benefits for me from being a student. Not saying it is impossible, just that there are no benefit from it. Just accept that for some work life will be either not much worse or even better If you aren't chill now what makes you think you will be chill later? It's objectively better as a student given equal levels of chill. Except then I will get paid for that stress instead of having to pay for it and most likely will even have money on the side to spend for stuff that I enjoy. You Americans should understand this much better since in comparison to the USA you could consider studying in Germany as “free”. I also highlighted the part that you obviously skipped. EDIT: Plus I really laugh at 40+ hours a week while getting paid to do those... If you are a bit older I forgive you though as studying has changed a lot. Literally printed my master's thesis an hour ago. Can confirm that if you are serious about studying something like engineering without studying for longer than you have to 40+ hours is laughable. For most semesters 50+ is realistic and then there are some semesters where you just study 24/7 for weeks every single day. Not to mention exams. Then again, you can always get a degree in environmental studies and get credited for sitting in the forest. No joke. Or study Business administration. A lot of lazy people that failed other stuff go study that. TL;DR: studying can be REALLY tough and way more time-consuming than an 8-5 job depending on what you study and how serious you are about it. Also people who do environmental studies are 99% hippies. Now I just have to get the song "I would walk 500 miles" out of my head. Listened to it for about 10 hours on repeat to keep me going through the night.
I feel you. I've gona back to University from my job to get a 2nd degree and I stopped counting the hours. Together with working 10-15 hours a week I dont even have time to play hearthstone  as I spend the little time thats left with my loved one.
I love my field though, so spending all my time learning interesting things is actually really nice. I guess what I am saying is that I can understand the guys above me who are single who spend so much time for their studies that they dont find the energy in the few hours that are left each week to force themselves to go out.
|
Regardless of whether you're in college or working full-time, if you truly want time to date, you'll find a way to make it work. Otherwise, you just don't want it badly enough (and that's okay... but make an effort; don't make excuses).
Throughout my bachelor's and master's and PhD coursework, I definitely had at least 40 hours of coursework per week. Plus working part-time and occasionally seeing friends. And I still managed to find time to date. I spread myself pretty thin during some months, but I wanted it badly enough so I made it work.
Nowadays, I'm teaching high school full time + teaching college part-time + working at a public tutoring center + privately tutoring over 15 families per week. My current workload is about 60-75 hours per week (although if I *only* taught high school full time, it'd drop down to around 45 hours per week), and I still find time to spend with my fiancee.
So I think, in 99% of cases, if someone is having trouble finding time to date during a 40-50 hour work week, they just need to optimize their schedule a little better. Such a person is obviously not the *only* super hard worker around, yet other people magically find ways to have a life outside of work (if they want it).
|
Pretty much.
If you literally can't find those 4-8 hours per week to invest into social interactions like dating or socializing in the long run if they become a priority then there's something seriously wrong with your time management and/or work (study) efficiency.
40+ hours is not a lot of work - you have more than enough time left over. And if you really don't all you have to do is to stop using all social media, texting, internet, TV and magazines, except strictly for work/study and setting up meetings with people and you'll find that time if you're reading this post.
|
Initial thesis was "university doesn’t automatically enhance your chances in terms of dating" not “university makes dating impossible”. Both statements should be a no brainer and to me it feels a bit ignorant when people claim otherwise which is why I protested.
Have to chip in though that my father is a member of the (german) upper management for a big company. Yes he tops the 9-5 workload but I top his with uni+work(since again, I don’t get paid for my studies). Does I work harder? Hard to say, probably not, but irrelevant in this case since it is about the amount of time you can spend (Also disregarding that he isn’t single without children). So please just accept that for some the life after university will feature more free time. Also you can’t compare studying while taking longer than needed to working a standard 9-5. If you study and plan to finish in 4/6/8 semesters (depending on the degree), you need to consider your studies as your work, so you are expected to work the appropriate time.
Taking longer is like toning down your hours at work and therefore you can’t compare it to a regular job.
Could someone who studies something that takes a lot of time make time for dating? Most likely. Should be noted though that this time is not very useful if it fills timeslots like midweek 9PM, gaps that aren't bigger then 1 hour etc..
Does his studies enhance his chances of dating? Case depended.
Theory is a lying whore, praxis the true beast and everyone thinks he works the hardest.
Case closed and move on to dating stuff I would say.
|
Am I the only one here that worked only about 20 or so hours per week for my masters ?
Now I'm working 60+ for my job and have absolutely no time to date 
Schooo years = best years of your life kids :'(
|
Depends on where and what you study.
|
I work on school about 60 hours a week and I'll be working even more once I graduate. That's life 
|
Heh, I'm working 45 hrs a week at minimum right now, and I don't know what to do with all my spare time. School was way worse for me lol.
|
I've conditioned myself to working 60+ hours a week since I broke the unofficial record for most credit hours at my school. Currently been working since 8AM today (Saturday) though to be fair that's an anomaly.
|
@ waffelz
I don't understand how getting paid is relevant. You seem to 1) be conflating enjoyment of something with duration and 2) wrongly thinking that getting paid for something makes it more enjoyable. I'll forgive 2 because it sounds like you've never been paid for anything.
@ everyone
Talking about how busy you are is gross.
|
On January 31 2016 02:55 IgnE wrote:
@ waffelz
I don't understand how getting paid is relevant. You seem to 1) be conflating enjoyment of something with duration and 2) wrongly thinking that getting paid for something makes it more enjoyable. I'll forgive 2 because it sounds like you've never been paid for anything.
@ everyone
Talking about how busy you are is gross.
What do you mean by this, exactly? What makes it gross?
|
On January 31 2016 02:55 IgnE wrote:
@ waffelz
I don't understand how getting paid is relevant. You seem to 1) be conflating enjoyment of something with duration and 2) wrongly thinking that getting paid for something makes it more enjoyable. I'll forgive 2 because it sounds like you've never been paid for anything.
It means that university occupies way more than 40h per week for me, while I have to pay for it, so I have to work in addition to that(which I wrote previously, so lol @never been paid for anything. You have a really charming way of posting ).
Plus getting something worth for your struggles makes things not necessarily more enjoyable, but definitely more tolerable.
This wasn’t my point though. Work (usually) equals money to spend in exchange for your time. Money usually equals opportunities to pursue things you enjoy. And yeah, you could pull the “but university is an investment for your future”-argument but let me stop right there. Yes it (hopefully) is an investment for your future, but that doesn’t change the fact that it can be a heavy burden until it pays off.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
