EPTIn the end of the day if the girl thinks that you are not compatible with her before you even speak to her or before she even gets to know you, she is not worthy of your time/effort anyway, and i will not go deeper to explaining why would she thinks/reacts like that here.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 771
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
BurningSera
Ireland19621 Posts
In the end of the day if the girl thinks that you are not compatible with her before you even speak to her or before she even gets to know you, she is not worthy of your time/effort anyway, and i will not go deeper to explaining why would she thinks/reacts like that here. | ||
|
Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 20 2015 02:40 Ramiel wrote: Tinder, ok cupid are both worth it imo. Just be prepared for the reality of online dating  By that you mean the fact, that people are talking to many others simultaneously, and the possibility of being ignored basically at any point of the dating process? Because I read about those. Btw, the Timber for Windows Phone matches people who use Tinder, or are these seperate? 'Cuz then windows phone sucks in this regard. | ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
| ||
|
Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 21 2015 03:49 LemOn wrote: you don't need online dating if you are not a coward and can talk to people in real life, it'll be a major time waster! Really? I always figured that aside from the easy sexfinder part for attractive people, it's a nice shortcut for those to meet who are not meeting many new people. Like, if there was a chart showing how many new acquaintances I have made after finishing school, not counting co-workers... I wonder if it would be actually 0. I go to work, to the gym, occasionally go to live shows (like once per 3 months) or watch some movies with friends and that's all. | ||
|
ticklishmusic
United States15977 Posts
On December 21 2015 05:17 Volband wrote: Really? I always figured that aside from the easy sexfinder part for attractive people, it's a nice shortcut for those to meet who are not meeting many new people. Like, if there was a chart showing how many new acquaintances I have made after finishing school, not counting co-workers... I wonder if it would be actually 0. I go to work, to the gym, occasionally go to live shows (like once per 3 months) or watch some movies with friends and that's all. I'm with you on that one, after graduating and starting work tat's pretty much how it's been for me as well. | ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
| ||
|
GreenHorizons
United States24198 Posts
On December 21 2015 06:26 LemOn wrote: See the thing is online dating takes effort - finding people online, chatting, standing out from the crowd, getting rejected then going on dates only to find out there's no chemistry. There is no question that if you instead invested that time to going to parties/social events or just talking to women on the street purposefully you'd get way better results faster and social skills, confidence to boot. So yeah solution to not meeting new people is...surprise surprise...get out there and meet new people! :D I would add a note about people who live in low population areas where they may have actually already eliminated any of the people they would "bump into" and need to expand their search geographically. I think it can also act as an aide into getting comfortable interacting with women for those who may faint or something if they actually tried to cold approach. | ||
|
Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
On December 21 2015 06:26 LemOn wrote: See the thing is online dating takes effort - finding people online, chatting, standing out from the crowd, getting rejected then going on dates only to find out there's no chemistry. There is no question that if you instead invested that time to going to parties/social events or just talking to women on the street purposefully you'd get way better results faster and social skills, confidence to boot. So yeah solution to not meeting new people is...surprise surprise...get out there and meet new people! :D And you will go through the same thing if you decide to approach women on the street.. You will spend hours walking around down town metropolis areas. There you will perhaps find a few girls that think you are cute. Once you walk up to them, some of them could have BF's, be married, or flat out reject you. Assuming that none of that happens, you then get her number. After you get the number, you have to assume that she is going to call you back / want to go on a date actually. If you do manage to go on a date, then you need to start learning about her life. Lets suppose that you really want to date someone that has been, and graduated from college- however you now find out that the girl you are sitting across from is none of those things. Congratulations, you have now wasted all of that time to only get start at part 1. Online dating is VASTLY more efficient at finding people, and certainly people that will more easily agree with your 'standards' and viewpoints on life. While going out and trying to pull women is a good thing to do, and certainly a great skill to work on- it is by no means nearly as useful as tinder / internet. | ||
|
MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
| ||
|
Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
First of all, we should agree on what flirting means exactly. In the movies it's almost always about blatantly obvious flirts, where someone wants to pick up the other one, and gives out a million signals that he or she is comfortable with talking or doing things which are suggestive, and/or normally uncomfortable between strangers. A cliché example is the lustful look. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe flirting is much wider than that. Like, don't you flirt with your girl friends, when you tease them in a somewhat sexualized way, even if none of you want anything from the other? For example, saying "damn Bob/Jessica, I'll never understand how can you be single with an ass like that." Anyway, as I said, the question sought out me today in the gym. In advance I want to make it clear that a.) I am aware of the rule of not hitting on anyone in the gym, and b.) it's never been my intention. But still, you will check others out. Guys for seeing their form, or just envying them a little, and girls for... well, for their curves. Everyone wearing yoga pants does not help at all. There was this girl today, and while I have absolutely no idea when does someone check out someone else, and when do they just gaze in exhaustion, our eyes met way too much to at least not think about the great honor of me being checked out. I may be wrong though, easily possible, BUT here comes the part where I am a bit more convinced. So I'm sitting on a bench, resting between my rep, and she comes there with dumbbells and ask me "would it bother you if I'd be front of you [while doing my exercise - to not make it sound weirder in English than it was originally]" while smiling and having a little laugh while she asked it, like she was aware that she basically asked permission to put her ass in my face. (Add a fucking mirror to the equation and I really had no idea where to look after that, haha, but that's another story). Now, that's an extremely easy situation and question to take advantage of in a flirty way. God bless my soul that I managed to give her the world's most fucking uninterested "nah" as an answer. Just in case anyone wondered why I haven't gone to places with the other sex yet. But what would you have done? Would you have gone for it? You may get a good laugh out of it, and in a way, you both complimented one another, so you both feel good about yourself - even if both of you have an SO, it's really nothing extreme. On the other hand, if you misinterpret the situation, then you can come off as a pig, not to mention in a place where you absolutely don't want to have awkwardness between you and anyone else. Edit: I got so frustrated at myself, that I was thinking about trying to talk with her with an extremely strong, "since when do you come here?", non-cliché at all opener, but did not do it, as actually trying to start a conversation with someone can be way too easily misinterpreted. I had the luck of seeing how a girl there once hit on a guy. I swear, as an observer, I'd rather heard her convincig she'd blow the guy off anytime, than listening to those goddamn empty sentences, just to keep the conversation flowing. "Ohh, were you at that party? Really?? I think I remember you!!! Btw, did you attend the XY school??" + her meta-communication, smiling and laughing at his every response. What's so funny in the school he attended??!! On December 21 2015 09:45 GreenHorizons wrote: I would add a note about people who live in low population areas where they may have actually already eliminated any of the people they would "bump into" and need to expand their search geographically. I think it can also act as an aide into getting comfortable interacting with women for those who may faint or something if they actually tried to cold approach. Not just the number of people, but even the sub-culture there. Whenever I leave my 30k+ big town and visit our 2M big capital city, I have to get used to the mentality there. There is no private space at all, and everyone is rushing. Public transport is huge, and it's not rare that buses or metros are full of people, standing in each others' faces. And these people grew up in this, while I can't even remember when I used the local bus here. People are also more open and tolerant towards weird stuff. | ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 21 2015 11:59 Ramiel wrote: Online dating is VASTLY more efficient at finding people, and certainly people that will more easily agree with your 'standards' and viewpoints on life. While going out and trying to pull women is a good thing to do, and certainly a great skill to work on- it is by no means nearly as useful as tinder / internet. Oh it is, incredibly so. Mutual attraction is by far the most important thing in a relationship, and you can only get that in person, so when you meet people you instantly know if you have that or not, where online everything before you meet is pretty much wasting time. If college educated is make or break for you you can bring it up in the first 5 minutes IRL FYI! Most of the time I'd go out I'd get multiple numbers of girls that I click with to an extent that somewhat attract me, or, failing that, one quality one. Most of the time the issue was which girls to contact tbh, I didn't face much rejection after I got the number personally - but I'm just open and unless I see the attraction there from both sides I don't even bother asking for a number and walk away ASAP. Where online I looked like a 6.5/10 (said Badoo rating) And the time spent on swiping on tinder, messaging girls was just humongous in retrospect, even though I've learned to ask girls out in 1-3 messages and had success with - few fuck buddies+dates, the time I spent there was way less efficient that when I went out in person, and through cold approach is how I met my girlfriend, best female friend and what was great fun in the process. Also I'm 8 years older than my girlfriend and can't see even looking at her online much less messaging her online and her accepting, there's like no chance we'd get together online but our compatibility is just insane. When you date online both parties will have narrow criteria and miss out on some great people. Most people don't know what they want anyways | ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 21 2015 19:57 Volband wrote: Another question... I tried to stop, but this time it came to me. The tl;dr of it is, do you or should you flirt with someone whenever the situation allows it, regardless of your intentions and the relationship status of the both of you? . YES! It doesn't have to be sexual, but being present to your surroundings in the present moment and other people without any agenda is just so great for your life and others. We're social animals afterall. Screw asking her out yada yada :D Just say what you were thinking in the moment in a nice way! (body language and tone of voice is what matters the most anyways - you can say the exact same thing and it might come out incredibly creepy or incredibly funny and lighthearted depending on your body language, eye contact and tone of voice) And before you get good at it, in any way that comes out even if it isn't nice. "Well, are you basically asking me permission to put you ass in my face?! By all means proceed!" And I've heard great things about Budapest, I did a podcast with one poker pro who lives there, my friend was there for a couple months and the guy from Menprovement moved there as well, if you want to practice getting good with women, Budapest is the place! I get the small town issues, 30k is really small, it means you can't waste many opportunities when you live there. | ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32157 Posts
On December 20 2015 07:39 bloodwhore~ wrote: I just think she could have said ANYTHING, literally ANYTHING. "Fuck you." "Hell no." "No." "Not interested." Not answering is "fine" if you're online imo, but at least have the decency to say anything if someone asks you in real. She made it way weirder than it had to be. if she said hell no or fuck you, we'd all be sitting here going on about how she's a cunt no answer aint great either, but again, she's cornered at work. imagine you had someone who you liked you but you disliked who made you uncomfortable every day, and she came into you work. Not fun! btw op I know you are not a psycho! you just need to get better at realizing things and the many small cues i am sure you got before she turned away. This is a good quote On December 20 2015 07:43 LemOn wrote: By far the best reaction is that once you recognize that through her body language, silence or plain rudeness you smile kindly, and without saying a word you slowly turn around and walk away. Sort of like she has done, but with positive body language, a smile on your face - the girl's just saved you time and you're closer to that "your person" that will reciprocate your effort in kind. On December 21 2015 20:54 LemOn wrote: Oh it is, incredibly so. Mutual attraction is by far the most important thing in a relationship, and you can only get that in person, so when you meet people you instantly know if you have that or not, where online everything before you meet is pretty much wasting time. If college educated is make or break for you you can bring it up in the first 5 minutes IRL FYI! Most of the time I'd go out I'd get multiple numbers of girls that I click with to an extent that somewhat attract me, or, failing that, one quality one. Most of the time the issue was which girls to contact tbh, I didn't face much rejection after I got the number personally - but I'm just open and unless I see the attraction there from both sides I don't even bother asking for a number and walk away ASAP. Where online I looked like a 6.5/10 (said Badoo rating) And the time spent on swiping on tinder, messaging girls was just humongous in retrospect, even though I've learned to ask girls out in 1-3 messages and had success with - few fuck buddies+dates, the time I spent there was way less efficient that when I went out in person, and through cold approach is how I met my girlfriend, best female friend and what was great fun in the process. Also I'm 8 years older than my girlfriend and can't see even looking at her online much less messaging her online and her accepting, there's like no chance we'd get together online but our compatibility is just insane. When you date online both parties will have narrow criteria and miss out on some great people. Most people don't know what they want anyways you could always do both. and online will always be more efficient. sure you can vett out the things you don't like fairly quickly in person. you can also change your search parameters to only get people within 15 minutes who don't smoke and hate republican, and never have to waste time on something that will obviously not work. the base premise is the #1 decider of attraction, physical attraction, and you go from there. def dont think it's a coward thing to online date, unless you're doing it specifically because you want to talk to people but dont know how. if anything, it opens up more opportunties to people you probably wouldnt otherwise meet. think of it as putting your pole in another pond | ||
|
Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
| ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
| ||
|
Acrofales
Spain18396 Posts
| ||
|
MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
| ||
|
ticklishmusic
United States15977 Posts
The online dating thing is kind of nice because you've got a few expectations set-- you're interested, girl's interested. Few basic details to get to know each other. Like in sales it's a warm call vs. a cold call, almost sorta kinda like if a friend set you up with someone. | ||
|
LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 22 2015 09:10 Acrofales wrote: Just for the sake of interest: why did you pick Brazil as your example? Do you think Brazilian men spend their days going around hitting up random girls? According to Ansari it's radically more common place | ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32157 Posts
On December 22 2015 09:39 ticklishmusic wrote: I don't have that many opportunities to meet people in general in the normal course of my life and I'm a little hamstrung by... not sure how to say it, but maybe a slight old-fashionedness or whatever about these things. The online dating thing is kind of nice because you've got a few expectations set-- you're interested, girl's interested. Few basic details to get to know each other. Like in sales it's a warm call vs. a cold call, almost sorta kinda like if a friend set you up with someone. yeah pretty much, it's just a quicker way to get an idea of my chances of actually liking them for me when I was on it it was just a way to filter out a few things. dont like smokers, dont care for anyone way into politics on either side of the fence, and they had to be someone whose profile/pics made me laugh. those are all things I could determine quickly without ever saying a word, which you cant do at a bar but yeah i can see the flip side, i can see what you are saying, it's easy in person to demonstrate confidence and ability to hold a convo in a live conversation. way different in short messages. | ||
| ||
