EPTCold approaches can work - just not as well. Women often assume that you're trying to get in their pants and they're often not wrong.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 767
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
Cold approaches can work - just not as well. Women often assume that you're trying to get in their pants and they're often not wrong. | ||
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puppykiller
United States3137 Posts
I got with a cashier once. I think the best way is to chat them up every time you come in and get into more personal convo's over time, and then ask them out when they are more intrigued and invested. How willing she is to move into this territory can be used to gauge whether she is available or interested. If you are uncomfortable with contrived visits to get to know her you should try to hang out longer when you do see her if possible. The time I did it I chatted with her for over an hour during work having her helping me "find things in the store" as an excuse for her to get away from her duties (obviously don't do this if you sense she isn't that interested or feels a lot of pressure to get back to work). I'm not a fan of asking people out when things are more cold but that can work as well. Usually it merits a "thanks but no", unless the girl finds something about you really cute or is, consciously looking for a guy at that moment and not feeling too picky. And don't worry about nerves... it is a complete myth. I have never gotten with a girl and not been visibly nervous at at least one point. With this one in particular, I remember my arms even shaking intensely while I was holding some salsa. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Fi0na
0 Posts
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Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18396 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Doesnt mean you shouldn't try though because even if there is a 1% chance of success its still better than the 0% chance doing nothing will get ya. As for me I think that cold approaches dont really work. Tried it a few times and even though I got a number a few times girls tend to get cold feet I feel (omg what is he's some kind of psycho?! kind of thinking) even if you were very charming. Thats actually one of the things that would come to mind if a girl I know told me she has a date with a guy that approached her in a coffeshop who was dressed in a suit for no apparent reason (based on your field report). Something you could consider is somehow demonstrating to her that you are not dangerous by letting her see you shopping with a female friend or your little sister (if you have one) or something. | ||
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puppykiller
United States3137 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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puppykiller
United States3137 Posts
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Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
On December 17 2015 11:41 B.I.G. wrote: your field reports also show a staggering amount of fail so if we are to take anything away from that its to not bother with the cold approach. Doesnt mean you shouldn't try though because even if there is a 1% chance of success its still better than the 0% chance doing nothing will get ya. As for me I think that cold approaches dont really work. Tried it a few times and even though I got a number a few times girls tend to get cold feet I feel (omg what is he's some kind of psycho?! kind of thinking) even if you were very charming. Thats actually one of the things that would come to mind if a girl I know told me she has a date with a guy that approached her in a coffeshop who was dressed in a suit for no apparent reason (based on your field report). Something you could consider is somehow demonstrating to her that you are not dangerous by letting her see you shopping with a female friend or your little sister (if you have one) or something. Lol. its not a full suit, a jacket and nice cloths. Goes a long way. As for success, cold approaching is a numbers game. Many of my targets had BFs / And one was married. Few flat out rejects. | ||
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Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
On December 17 2015 15:27 LemOn wrote: Lol no it does't! That's how I met my gf and my only good female friend and it's loads of fun too! I still kinda miss those times when I'd go to town alone and just cold approach girls, groups of women, hell even groups of guys or work the room at a party. In fact we still go out with my friends sometimes and do it anyways, with only fun in mind! And once you get good and relaxed at it, you will always know that if you need more friends or girls, it will be easy to find them, and you start spending time with people you want to spend time with, not because you need them. Agreed, I love doing it  I spend 1.5/2 hours just chilling around chicago and talking to people. Get to have some interesting conversations, and some cool viewpoints | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Yes I see that cold approaching is a numbers game but this guy is talking about one specific girl, so in that case simply cold approaching might be one of the least effective methods IMO. | ||
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Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
On December 17 2015 15:52 B.I.G. wrote: Sorry, I sounded harsher in my post than I meant. Yes I see that cold approaching is a numbers game but this guy is talking about one specific girl, so in that case simply cold approaching might be one of the least effective methods IMO. How else do you plan to meet a girl you don't know, can't meet outside or work- and none of your friends know? | ||
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puppykiller
United States3137 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 17 2015 15:52 B.I.G. wrote: Sorry, I sounded harsher in my post than I meant. Yes I see that cold approaching is a numbers game but this guy is talking about one specific girl, so in that case simply cold approaching might be one of the least effective methods IMO. Makes no difference, what you want is strong chemistry from the getgo. Don't waste your time with strategies and stuff, just walk up to her and be honest, if it doesn't work out move on, you just gained yourself a proof of courage. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 17 2015 15:47 puppykiller wrote: Ok what I mean is, 2 minute interactions where you try to get someones number suck. Meeting strangers is fine. I do prefer to close on numbers too fyi when cold approaching - you kinda expect people to be busy or going somewhere when they didn't expect it, and you rarely need more than a few minutes to ask. EDIT: To see if YOU want to go out with HER, that's why I think Ramiel's canned pitch is only good at the very beginning when your confidence is really low. With most girls you don't even ask for a phone number and walk away after a minute or two once you see that the mutual attraction's not there, even if they'd keep talking to you. | ||
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puppykiller
United States3137 Posts
Not to mention all the texting/planning, and the fact that just so few girls are open to meeting a guy off of a short (and usually waaaaay too direct) convo in public. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Even when I turn the situation around. I've had situations where I was randomly approached by women and often the first moments are spent thinking "what the fuck do you want?" before intentions become clear. Which I guess makes the method of asking for a date straight up after a 1 min conversation a bit more understandable but why on earth would she say yes? If it's just the initial charm of your honesty and perhaps looks, those short-term feelings will have faded the next morning and will be replaced by "what if he is some kind of psycho" thoughts. I guess my point is that 2 minutes (usually) is simply not enough to entice a lady to actually go on a date with you. Cold approach but then transition into a bit of a longer conversation is what I would do. | ||
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