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While i normally agree with your first post about dealing with REAL relationship issues, I find it difficult to think that in this case, the advice of approach her- and 'working it out' is not going to do any good.
There is no basis for discussion, or logical problem solving here. And you NEED that to be the core factor (ideally between the two parties in the relationship- not outside factors) if you plan on having a discussion of that nature.
OP in this case, HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG. If GF cannot see this, and come to this basic logical conclusions by herself- then what is the point of talking? She has emotionally unloaded (for no reason, and no provocation on his part) onto her partner. If she cannot see how that could make him feel, or understand how stupid this situation is on her own- there is a huge problem here. A discussion is not going to fix this problem, expecting an apology is not going to fix this problem, and 'talking about crazy / illogical feelings is not going to fix this problem. This is about her, and her level of maturity / level of emotional understanding. You can't fix this with a discussion. You fix that with age, and therapy.
I also don't like going forward to someone who has wronged you, and basically asking them to apologize. If she is mindful and cares about OP she would WANT to apologize, and would WANT to fix the problem, and see what a mess is being made about nothing. (she would do this on her own accord)
You cannot make some one sincerely apologize, and you also cannot make them feel a certain way. Nothing can be accomplished in this conversation because this entire problem is illogical, and is happening outside of the relationship. 3 things can happen here:
1. OP lets it go, and is willing to live with this type of person in a relationship 2. GF apologizes, OP forgives, and relationship gets stronger 3. OP approaches GF expecting apology / asking for one and attempts to diffuse an emotionally illogical situation. This can only go badly, and OP has everything to lose in this case. GF will suddenly feel 'attacked' get defensive and will more than likely escalate this really stupid fight.
I just really fail to see where you are coming from lemon :/
This entire situation was caused by GF being immature, and not respectful. OP sharing his feelings / coming to her in a discussion is going to make things worse IMO. The wrongdoing party needs to see and feel that they have done something wrong, in order for a discussion and forgiveness to take place. Otherwise it will just blow up again. IMO
We had a similar conversation with my girlfriend actually, and I basically told her that this is one of the aspects in a relationship where I will not compromise.
On December 13 2015 09:39 Ramiel wrote: If she cannot see how that could make him feel
She doesn't see into your head, and you don't see into hers - people see events differently especially when there is emotional charge involved. Maybe it's important they like her, she enjoys games, or she just had a bad day and took it out on this stupid thing, fuck if I know, I don't see into her head, and she doesn't see into mine, and we will sometimes think and feel differently. I think it's really important for both to understand how the other person thinks and feels, and the more you just let these things fly the more they build up and the less open the relationship becomes.
Alright I see where you are coming from, and respect your position.
I suppose that its personal preference. If my GF did that to me (emotionally unloaded), and then didn't take the time to come to me first and apologize, I would walk from that so fast. To me there are very obvious things that you can do to people that will make them feel like shit. Unloading on them ie. kicking the dog is one of those things. Cheating / yelling / lying / or any other types of relationship abuse should be obvious to one party. Not seeing that would be a huge red flag for me. Something you can't fix with a discussion, and you need to walk away from.
However for the smaller things, or more overt things (like eating some food out of the fridge one side was saving, or saying something off the cuff or in passing / the way someone is acting infront of a parent / family member ext)- I do agree with your point and think that you are in the right 100% in that regard. Small things or other non blatantly toxic behavior that bothers you needs to be brought up and discussed openly for the health of the relationship.
I decided to go out and pull again today. Normally I would stay in on Sundays, but today I tried my luck- and was swiftly reminded why I never go out on weekends. I didn't take into account numerous things. 1. This is the holiday season 2. Family's everywhere 3. So much focus and effort put into shopping. Holy **** 4. So many ugly people.
With that being said, i hit the street anyway seeing what I could pick up. Every girl is approached with a variation of "Good afternoon / evening, my name is ryan. (If she doesn't give her name) I say- and you are?" After names are exchanged, I proceed to say "I came over to introduce myself because I think you are cute. I would like to take you to coffee- maybe drinks sometime. You should give me your number."
-HB5 Approached this one on accident. She had really pretty hair, but once i came up face to face- it was a big nope for me. I certainly made her day. She was stammering, super shy, and could barely say anything. I ejected shortly after some pleasantries.
-HB7 Walked up to her and her friends while they were out shopping. Singled her out, and got a really positive response. She turned beet red, looked down and said thank you- im flattered but I have a BF. Next!
-HB6 We locked eyes, and both smiled at each other while walking down the street. I attempted another street pull (Even though I hardly get anything from them). And she shot me down so fast with "sorry Im too busy" half way through my rap. Next!
-HB9 She was working a perfume stand in a huge nordstrom. I saddled up to her and her friend, singled her out- and said the rap. Her name was courtney, she thanked me for my compliment- but when I asked for her number both her and the friend burst into laughter. To which i responded "I didn't realize I was still this funny, I practiced twice in front of the mirror before trying it on you." After that, they both gave me the shoulder. NEXT! (Side note here, this has probably been one of the harshest rejections I have ever had- so that was a first for me)
-HB7 Approached, agian it looks like it was received very well, but she had a BF. Next!
Man 3 hours of work and nothing to show for it. Going to hit it hard this week, and hopefully come up with something more than zero. Note to self- stay the **** away from weekends.
On December 14 2015 07:41 puppykiller wrote: From my experience messing around with this sort of thing you should chat for a lot longer before you mention anything towards a quick date.
Care to go more in depth? Would love to hear your experiences.
Well the only times I've ever been successful during the day chatting to strangers and having it go somewhere were when I used to start convos with random girls (who were probably a bit bored) around my college campus.
When I first started this sort of thing I would be very direct and hope that some sort of impression I was making due to my confidence or charmingness would spark interest in them. What I eventually realized (after a year and a half of stubbornness) is that this style only tends to net superficial reactions (which are great if you have a youtube channel) that will rarely ever escalate into anything.
What worked best later on was just being chatty and proactively social and instead spending as much time as was reasonable making friends with the girl and surrendering to her a lot of control of the interaction so that she felt safe, comfortable and included as an individual and not like this was some sort of premeditated pickup.
And trust me I'm telling you this not because ideally it is more effective, but actually because once I started to shift gears it became infinitely easier than the: confident "alpha" attracts bitchez, mentality that gets proliferated all over the internet.
So you say its not more effective, but easier? I appreciate you explaining all of this- but i still have difficulties understanding. Its really easy to walk up and ask a girl for her number, how is it any different than just walking up to a girl and bullshitting?
Can understand talking to her, and just using a longer conversation, but everything i have seen and read (as you have explained) goes completely against this. It sounds great for a first date, but just to get a number?
I am being 100% honest with you when I say that the more (generally speaking) I have shed pua practices and mindsets, the better I have done.
It is waaay more effective the more chill time you spend with her.If early on you do anything that is too polarizing it has a high chance of turning her off, making her intimidated, forcing her to make a choice before she trusts you. Honestly I have found that being a "chode" so to speak is really really effective because it gives you more time together and if you are compatible and both available that will tend to default to romance at which point you can decide whether you are ready or not for a commitment.
Once you get some experience just give a shot to the brutal honesty, 0 script approach. You walk up to a girl (s), with no plan, clear mind just really open to your surroundings. And then then you say exactly what your brain comes up with and how you feel. If they make you nervous, you say that, tell them why. If nothing comes up, you stand there like a carp, looking at their reaction, embrace the awkwardness and leave. Or you notice something cool about them, how they look/wear, and straight up ask questions - whatever your brain comes up with. This takes a lot of balls and self-awareness, as often it's awkward as fuck but is super rewarding and each approach is unique and every girl will feel special.
Or study some good PUA stuff, use better openers (this canned one will probably only work on girls that are not used to being approached, looks rly scripted), don't give up your name so fast, close on number after establishing rapport + physical contact (sometimes takes 1 minute, sometimes 5-10). I think it was a waste of time in retrospect* and I'd go with the honest approach now but if you want to play the game, then play it right.
*if I had the balls. When I was going out it was after a breakup, my confidence and self-belief were rly low so without lines and routines like yours I'd never had the confidence to walk up to women, much less be just purely myself. Kinda think of it, I don't know though, I've done a lot of the techniques so often they became part of my genuine personality now, maybe it was a good thing? I certainly think that without those few months when I slept with more women than in the previous 27years I wouldn't be so happy in my committed relationship right now with a "HG6.5" in magazine standards, but a fucking perfect 10 in my book if it weren't for lines and routines that gave me the feeling of confidence that lead to experiences that eradicated my insecurities.
Hmm you both have me intrigued. I think that this week i will only approach girls chilling out and sitting down in food places or in coffee shops. I will sit down, and have a conversation with them- off the cuff. Not give name, not be forward just talk between two people.
I will try it for 2/3 days- give you field reports, and let you know how it goes. This is going to make it impossible for me to chat up girls on the street / in stores however. I need their tush in a seat for this to work best I think.
Also the issue that I have- is that I am not trying to bone every thing that i come across, which I think is an issue with a ton of the PUA shit. I am really not into the quick lay, and i find that most of the girls who do that kind of thing are of the following: 1. Stupid ie. they are no one, and are going no where in life 2. Emotionally damaged 3. Not ever worth dating long term
Those 3 things always bothered me about them. Unless I am wrong of course
Ok so a bit of an update on girl who was mad at me for the assassination game. Both the gf and her housemates apologized to me for overreacting. Had more in depth discussion with my gf about why she went off and it was mainly just that she was already super stressed from finals, combined with the way her housemates brought up the game issue to her combined with some issues she had with things I've said previously that she had problems with but never said anything about.
Basically I realize how some of the stuff I say could be be taken wrong so I told her to just bring it up at the time instead of letting it all build up and having a really confusing explosion over something small. She said that sounds good so things are back on track.
This might not be too relevant but this is something I personally enjoyed watching while I was dating/looking for dates. It was a pretty good Youtube series which answers a lot of things between dating, sex, relationships, family, and many other things. It was definitely educational for me and hopefully other people can derive the same experiences as I did. Also Geo is a freak in this series haha.
WARNING: Music is loud at the start and makes it sound like you're watching porn.
On December 12 2015 23:17 Fyodor wrote: I don't agree with the others here.
You can stay friends. Stay flirty and go see other girls as well. There's a pretty good chance of sex if you keep friends with her. You gotta keep being flirty once in a while though. You can't just play it passive and wait for her to confess to you.
If she complains about her boyfriend or says she needs sex just make a move and see where it takes you. Needs to be a physical move. Like pin her against a wall and make out. She will not tell you if she decides she's into you, if you ask her over text she'll say no. Make it hard for her to say no.
Just my 2 cents.
Unsure how I would feel about entering a relationship with a girl who started the relationship by cheating.
Seems like a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me, but ymmv.
I don't feel it's cheating if there's a clean break. Like within the same week she breaks up with the guy.
But I wasn't really talking about a relationship in my initial post lol.
"if you could manipulate her into a relationship (overwhelm emotions, use a weak moment, whatever)"
I call that easing. If you already have an emotional bond with a girl, stronger than her bond with her current boyfriend... there just needs to be a catalyst, a little bit of chaos, to create a new, mutually beneficial status quo.
On December 14 2015 13:46 Luepert wrote: Ok so a bit of an update on girl who was mad at me for the assassination game. Both the gf and her housemates apologized to me for overreacting. Had more in depth discussion with my gf about why she went off and it was mainly just that she was already super stressed from finals, combined with the way her housemates brought up the game issue to her combined with some issues she had with things I've said previously that she had problems with but never said anything about.
Basically I realize how some of the stuff I say could be be taken wrong so I told her to just bring it up at the time instead of letting it all build up and having a really confusing explosion over something small. She said that sounds good so things are back on track.
On December 14 2015 13:46 Luepert wrote: Ok so a bit of an update on girl who was mad at me for the assassination game. Both the gf and her housemates apologized to me for overreacting. Had more in depth discussion with my gf about why she went off and it was mainly just that she was already super stressed from finals, combined with the way her housemates brought up the game issue to her combined with some issues she had with things I've said previously that she had problems with but never said anything about.
Basically I realize how some of the stuff I say could be be taken wrong so I told her to just bring it up at the time instead of letting it all build up and having a really confusing explosion over something small. She said that sounds good so things are back on track.
Nice, with experience you get to find out those reasons right on the spot, just keep asking questions + listen instead of apologizing next time
On December 14 2015 17:29 Zambrah wrote: I dunno, taking advantage of a moment of weakness seems like a pretty not-so-great thing to do.
If the bond is really stronger than that of her current boyfriend I dunno why you'd need to prey on a moment of weakness.
There's different ways to interpret that. If you consider women as frail vulnerable creatures and your influence as dominating male is essentially evil then yes hit on her when she is in a position of strength and most likely to reject you.
If you consider your influence as essentially positive and you need to provide it when it is the most needed and most likely to be welcomed then my approach makes more sense.
On December 14 2015 17:29 Zambrah wrote: I dunno, taking advantage of a moment of weakness seems like a pretty not-so-great thing to do.
If the bond is really stronger than that of her current boyfriend I dunno why you'd need to prey on a moment of weakness.
There's different ways to interpret that. If you consider women as frail vulnerable creatures and your influence as dominating male is essentially evil then yes hit on her when she is in a position of strength and most likely to reject you.
If you consider your influence as essentially positive and you need to provide it when it is the most needed and most likely to be welcomed then my approach makes more sense.
It feels weird to me to try and leverage emotional distress into a relationship though, is that really a particularly sound start to a relationship? Sure for hooking up it makes sense, but she's not always going to be emotionally vulnerable so why found the relationship by preying on a moment of weakness, to me all that says is a lack of confidence in her being interested enough if shes NOT experiencing some distress, so what happens when the distress wears off?
If you're saying that you would place yourself strategically to be there for her in times of need to build up a report, that makes sense, I think its mildly nefarious (what of your purity of intention!), but I'm naively white hearted young lad so I can't really speak.
For clarification, I'm operating under the assumption that, say, she was crying/mad because of something her boyfriend did, you would use that moment to convince her to break up with her boyfriend and get with you. I could be misinterpreting.
I also have no idea what you're talking about with the frail vulnerable creature thing.
EPT
