EPT
if it's a 0, no reason not to go for it.Dating: How's your luck? - Page 763
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
if it's a 0, no reason not to go for it. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
But don't worry, when she comes back she will still be happy to see you and be with you. It's just that her life in China and her life in the US will likely often feel totally seperate. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On December 11 2015 13:21 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Since we're all talking ratings, I've adopted a much more optimistic scale. It goes from 0 to infinity and each number corresponds to the number of shots it would take me to bang her if it's a 0, no reason not to go for it.That's hilarious! One scale that I actually like is 0-2: 0=would not have sex, 1=would have sex, 2=would put in effort to have sex. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8939 Posts
On December 11 2015 09:47 LemOn wrote: On the contrary, I think it's great to spend some time apart once in a while! She will be taken care of, and you can focus on growing as a person and your passions in the meantime. How invested we were I don't know, but when I've lived with someone and spent every day 2 years prior and 2 after she went to China to visit her family I'd say we were pretty invested :D Enough for what exactly? If you have self control, and/or as it this case it's straight up close to impossible to have long conversations frequently you will obviously miss and think about each other loads. Is she going to break up with you because she misses you too much for 2-3 months? Bullshit. Or are you really going to pork another girl just because you don't get enough phone time from your GF who's visiting her family? 2 months is nothing in a lifetime of being with someone. If anything as long as you don't have issues with monogamy it will make you want each other even more when you come back than if you Skype 5x per week. I'd say 1x per week skype +some text statements in-between is pretty much the best amount on average in a short term temporary long distance. im not saying if you dont skype/text/call whatever frequently you will definitely break up. but once a week is typically not enough to satisfy both partners. i mean if youve been together forever and youve lived together for a long time then yeah, you dont need it as much. but when youre only a few months in and then you have to spend a few months separately? id be dreading the holidays and wishing semester started again | ||
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
Lets say you two go out some night to a club she starts making out with someone hard. If you feel like that will make you die a little inside dont go, woll ruin your entire trip and friendship. If you feel like you can shrug it off and go after someone else no problem than go, cuz you'll enjoy the trip anyway while being friends. | ||
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BurningSera
Ireland19621 Posts
It highly depends on your/her age and how much relationship experience and most importantly, how well you know yourself (your game level). All in all, going a trip with a girl who friend tag you is such a bad idea to begin with, the situation is hard enough if the girl didn't friend tag you beforehand. Because the person you know can be a complete different person during travelling, and then money is involved, messy stuff all around. In general, if a girl agreed to travel alone with you, that means she likes you, it could be platonic though (this happens when she is young/doesn't have much experience, and this can be worse if you lack of experience/game); and then it depends on whether if you are just looking for a bang or a serious gf. Honestly, if you are super into her (ie wants her to be your gf) then don't do it, because you two can go travel in future after you became couple, money and time are at lower risk to be wasted; if you are not too serious about her, and you want to chill and do some sight seeing too etc, by all means, go with the flow (and I think this attitude would be the best approach to get her because she did friendzone you before, but keep in mind she can change her mind too but you cannot bet on that). If the money is not alot and you can manage you might not be able to get her throughout the trip then ya, she is just your travelling partner, why not, it can be fun, you should keep in mind that you might get to meet some girl while travelling (and honestly that would be the best scenario lol for you and for getting your girl to un-friendzone you). Otherwise don't do it. | ||
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herokiller_
92 Posts
(* english is not my native, I may have written something confusing) | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18486 Posts
She's telling you, because what she got from your message there is that you like her (too much) and she wants to ensure you know that she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. Sorry buddy, but you already knew that, given your earlier post. This is assuming your translations into English are faithful to the original tone and connotations (in Kazakh?) | ||
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Ramiel
United States1220 Posts
On December 12 2015 04:30 herokiller_ wrote: Well, I'm super confused now. Texted her I'm not going and when she asked why, I told something like: "It's not a good idea to go on a trip with the girl I like for whom I'm just a friend". To which she suddenly replied something like: "Even if wanted to have serious relationships with your my parents would be strongly against it.". Then something like: "I'm easy to fall in/out of love with people, but I know it's just impulse and not true love, it's my problem since childhood that I can't become fully open with people and do not understand what true love is like.". First of all I know that parents' problem is not that big for her really (related to the fact that we are of different nationalities, but it's more like they troll people that way) so for me it sounded super like a cover). As for the second part, yeah I've heard it already from her (and I know it's true, cuz she's never been in long term relationships, and for those 1-2 times she were, it was her who initiated the break down quickly). But what did she mean telling it to me this time? The fact that I have close to 0 serious relationships experience doesn't help also. (* english is not my native, I may have written something confusing) Yah, she has super low interest in you. here is my advice. 1. Ask yourself why you like a girl who doesn't give a shit about you. 2. Realize that there are 3+billion other girls on the planet. Don't get hung up on this one 3. Don't waste time, money, or worry on a girl- who doesn't care for any of those things 4. Don't go on the trip. Don't stop to wonder about what is going on her head, don't figure her out. Its not worth the effort. 5. Stop calling / TxTing / Hanging out with her. This will allow you to move on, and to stop deluding yourself with false hope. The more you talk with / think about / or do things with her- the more difficult it will be for you to move on. | ||
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BurningSera
Ireland19621 Posts
You saying that line immediately triggered her; it would be a lie if she doesn't like you at all, her response shows that she cares about what you said to her, and frankly, I haven't seen any single girl agrees to travel with a single guy and she is 100% platonic with the guy, she likes you to certain extend for sure (be it is cool to hang out with you or she feels safe with you which both are good qualities of a partner, or a good friend haha). Like I said, it is about whether you are willing to risk your time and money on a trip like that, and obviously the difficulty involved whether you can get her during the trip. She does sounds like a big headache (applies to most girls <30yo anyway, not being sexist here etc, same thing applies to guys). You will need some experience/skill to handle such challenge (I am just being honest here lol), or some luck really. I'd say, don't go to the trip like that, she sounds like there is a chance between you two, deal with that before you decided to go on a trip. If I were you I'll call her or see sometime this weekend and get it sorted. How? I have no clue about her so that's your challenge haha. Be emotionally strong, be determined, be honest to yourself of what do you want, and see if you can reach an mutual understanding with her. When a girl says something like 'I have problem of having long term relationship etc', is the typical case of she wants you to tell her that 'I'm not like that, I will make it work, we will be able to do it' etc, there are many other approaches obviously (that's why I said it depends how much experience you/she has), like let's try it out to see how it goes etc etc. And of course it depends on the language, her tone, her gesture, as outsider I can't say many things for sure from the limited info you gave here. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 12 2015 04:30 herokiller_ wrote: Well, I'm super confused now. Texted her I'm not going and when she asked why, I told something like: "It's not a good idea to go on a trip with the girl I like for whom I'm just a friend". To which she suddenly replied something like: "Even if wanted to have serious relationships with your my parents would be strongly against it.". Then something like: "I'm easy to fall in/out of love with people, but I know it's just impulse and not true love, it's my problem since childhood that I can't become fully open with people and do not understand what true love is like.". First of all I know that parents' problem is not that big for her really (related to the fact that we are of different nationalities, but it's more like they troll people that way) so for me it sounded super like a cover). As for the second part, yeah I've heard it already from her (and I know it's true, cuz she's never been in long term relationships, and for those 1-2 times she were, it was her who initiated the break down quickly). But what did she mean telling it to me this time? The fact that I have close to 0 serious relationships experience doesn't help also. (* english is not my native, I may have written something confusing) It's all really simple 1) You are okay with her being your friend. I.E. if you slept in the same room and a male fitness model would pound her hard, sweating all over her, giving her one orgasm after another and you can still see yourself high fiving her and congratulating her the next day. And you're okay destroying any chance whatsoever of being with her romantically - just keep hanging out, go on the trip even it's gonna be great. You hardly see someone in their 40s saying "I really regret going on that trip around europe meeting cool strangers exploring new countries" And female friends are awesome TBH, the one I have changed my life. 2) If you don't think you'll get to that stage. Say "I want you, you're fucking awesome, I'm not interested in friendship, but I'd love you to give me a call if you're up for a romantic date, ". And not only don't go on the trip, but stop contacting her altogether unless she does first and agrees to give it a shot. And if she doesn't...you're done with her for good. | ||
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herokiller_
92 Posts
So, the question now is: is statement [1] proven? | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States24448 Posts
Because one of the women will get jealous of the other (unless you're masterful and lucky with timing so that they never both want your attention at the same time). | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 12 2015 14:40 herokiller_ wrote: Okay, I just want to make sure she's not interested in me at all [1]( to stop deluding myselft with the false hope as someone mentioned) . If that's the case then sure, I'm not going to the trip, but really I'm not going to stop all contacts with her. I can rationalize (I believe) and I do actually value our relationship as they are now too. Once again it's not like I'm so crazy over her that I can't see other girls around. So, the question now is: is statement [1] proven? The thing is, you will never find out unless you withdraw completely and give her the opportunity to see how life is without you and give her space to understand her feelings. If you expressed liking her, she wanted to keep status quo with made up reasons, and you stayed anyway,you are killing pretty much any chance to ever be with her romantically if there ever was one. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On December 11 2015 13:21 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Since we're all talking ratings, I've adopted a much more optimistic scale. It goes from 0 to infinity and each number corresponds to the number of shots it would take me to bang her if it's a 0, no reason not to go for it.And the girl takes it super well when you tell her she's an infinity on your hotness scale? | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On December 12 2015 11:29 LemOn wrote: 2) If you don't think you'll get to that stage. Say "I want you, you're fucking awesome, I'm not interested in friendship, but I'd love you to give me a call if you're up for a romantic date, ". And not only don't go on the trip, but stop contacting her altogether unless she does first and agrees to give it a shot. And if she doesn't...you're done with her for good. LemOn's advice is perfect as far as I'm concerned. When I was in university I was in a similar situation. Chasing a girl who wanted to keep me around as a friend but never wanted to date me. It was great for her but an emotional rollercoaster for me until a wise friend said the only way that I would get a shot to date her is to just stop talking to her and see what happens. So I told girl I needed space to move on and gave her a book. In the front cover I wrote that if she ever changed her mind about the relationship she should let me know, then forgot about it, and a few months later she turned up on my doorstep unannounced saying she wanted to try the relationship. It crashed and burned horribly but at least I realised she's an awful person and got to move on. Since then I've found what I'm fairly sure is going to be future wifey. So I think LemOn's advice is good because you will either get the girl or closure. And closure leads to the next girl. | ||
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BurningSera
Ireland19621 Posts
Personally i would talk to her (preferably face to face, but honestly you should have known the answer by now), sort of like giving her one last chance/your last confirmation whether you would stop everything to do with her. Because if anything, she would regret and come back to you in future (but you shouldn't keep this in mind); much better than you clinging on some false hope (and makes you look bad). I mean you wont get a 'closure' either way because you two are nothing to begin with, but you get to decide will you cut her loose or not, which is what matters (to you). | ||
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
but i think compared to this i really dont think i'll ever be able to top it or ever forgive myself | ||
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